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Monday, July 14, 2014

When Classified Ads Go Terribly Wrong

I learned something last week.

I learned that a lot of you like to laugh.  And I learned that a lot of you seemed to enjoy the post that I made last Monday about wacky grocery signs.  Of the entries that I posted last week, that one seemed to get noticed the most.  This blog is a huge source of experimentation for me, and I love to throw new ideas out there to all of you reading this so that I can determine what works and what doesn't.

And since last Monday's post generated such a positive response, I thought that I'd motivate myself into doing another post like this.

I was a little concerned that MOTIVATION MONDAY would be dead in the water, but I think I've managed to find a way to breathe new life into it!  I may even come up with a new name for the day, actually...

...but not today.

I do promise you that I have some laughs for you.  And just as I did for last week, I have a collection of images for you that I hope will make you chuckle, snicker, or chortle.

But first, I thought that I would offer up the inspiration behind today's post topic.

I know that the Internet has more or less become the primary source of news in the world.  More people seem to get their news fix from Yahoo, Google, Daily Mail, or TMZ than ever before.  As a result of this, some magazines have folded, and others are simply adapting to the times by cutting down on copies printed to put more time in putting out an online version that is friendly to view on tablets and iPads.

Of course, all this does not mean the death of the newspaper.  The newspaper in my area is still available in print copy and has been for at least a century and a half.  Mind you, the newspaper could stand to have some proofreaders employed at its offices, but for the most part, it's somewhat decent.

Although when my newspaper makes an error in printing, they certainly do it in style.  You know how before the invention of eBay, Kijiji, and Craigslist, people used to take out classified ads to advertise items for sale, garage sale listings, apartment listings, and help wanted ads?  Well, in my newspaper, classified ads still exist (usually they can be found near the obituary section), and it was in a recent newspaper that I discovered this interesting page layout.  See if you can find out what the blunder is.



Does anyone not find it a bit...jarring...to have an ad advertising a garage sale where you can make money off of your things collecting dust right next to the place where people announce the deaths of their loved ones?  I don't know if the loved ones of the people featured in the daily obituaries would find the humour in having the obituaries next to an ad that promises to breathe new life into their old stuff.  Most awkward layout ever.

But this sets the tone for today's blog post.  I've searched the Internet for more classified ads that may have sounded great at the time, but were poorly executed.  Photo credits go to Huffington Post, and WorldWideInterweb.com in this edition of...

WHEN CLASSIFIED ADS GO TERRIBLY WRONG!

I know I'm excited for this.  Let's begin with the first one.



Do I even want to know how a person would get a used tombstone in the first place?  Did they dig it up from a graveyard?  Or, did the person who it was bought for decide not to die and lived for another seventy years?  Either way, it's not a good deal.  You might actually find another person in the world named Homer HendelBergenHeizen, but matching up the date of birth and date of death exactly would be a challenge.  You'd have to spend a lot of money to get that tombstone altered.  What could be worse than buying a used tombstone?



Ahem...never mind.  I wonder if anyone is selling any cars.  I could sure use one.



Well, okay, maybe not this one.  I'd prefer to see the inside of the car, thanks.  And, I'd also like it not upside down.  And maybe one that hasn't gotten in an accident.  That isn't too much to ask, is it?



Oh, my gosh.  I was wondering if KITT from "Knight Rider" had any family.  Turns out, he's got a Mexican cousin!  How cool is that?  And, only thirty-five hundred dollars?  Muy bueno!



I'm a little confused about how having a hula hoop makes one better at cutting the grass, trimming the flowers, and maintaining the compost heap.  But hey, I didn't place the ad.  I don't judge.



I have news for you.  If it's got a slight urine smell, it's not like new.  That would be the same as setting a Porsche on fire and advertising that it has a slight smoky smell. 



Yes, would you please contact this person right now?  If you're still alive...that is?



I think my brain strained while trying to make sense of this ad.  I think it also explains why this person may still be looking for Ms. Right. 



Or, you could...I don't know...go to the supermarket and buy a WHOLE frozen turkey for the same price or less!  That way you can avoid getting an added bonus like bacteria and/or salmonella poisoning which can, you know, kill you?



Which then leads to the question...who's left to display?  Well, maybe we could substitute the missing figures with that plastic Santa Claus, that inflatable snowman across the street and a Cabbage Patch Kid.



I will give this guy a little bit of credit.  At least he's not fussy.  And at least he knows the age in which he won't be arrested for statutory rape.  He must be a keeper.



Here's a safe prediction.  I doubt that this seller would get any responses from any member of PETA.



Eighteen years old with twenty years of experience?  Well, I guess you don't really have to know math in order to place an ad in the newspaper.



But, it might be a good idea to actually know how to spell when you place an ad for a math "tutor".



Happy Valentine's Day, honey!  I couldn't get the reservation at the restaurant, but I did get the 5:00 booking at the funeral parlour where we can choose what caskets we want to be buried in!  Only the best for you, my love.



If YOU can make sense out of this ad, you're a much better man (or woman) than I am.



Yes, we have to do something about those diaper-clad feral children crawling around our neighbourhoods and we must do something now!!!



Well, aren't we just a little bit passive-aggressive today?



Oh, yes...I'm tired of making $9.75 per hour.  I'd gladly work for less so I can lose my house and sleep in my 1995 Nissan Maxima that isn't for sale.  Though making five bucks an hour for "staring" at someone would be an easy job...decisions, decisions...



I hate to break it to you...but I think we (munch munch) found your steer...



This ad only works because of the absolutely perfect justification settings on the classified page.

And, finally...




BEST CLASSIFIED AD EVER!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Holding Back the Years

I don't know whether it's been the unseasonably warm temperatures outside, or the fact that we're doing renovations at my workplace, or the fact that I've had migraine headaches every other day or what have you.  This week has been a week that I would absolutely love to wish never happened. 

We all have them.  I just choose not to talk about it on this blog because I want to try and build all of you up, not bring you down.

All I have to say is...Thank Goodness for the Sunday Jukebox.

I think one of the few things that immediately boosts my mood is listening to some of my favourite songs on my iPod (or prior to 2012, on the radio).  Believe me, I think I've listened to almost five hundred songs over the course of this past week.  Some songs make me so happy they make me want to clap along because I feel like a room without a roof.  Some songs are sad songs that make me cry, because love songs often do.  And some songs make me want to open the door, get on the floor, and make everybody walk the dinosaur.

And for today's Sunday Jukebox, I want to take a look at a song I love by a band I love, from a year that I consider to have some of the best music ever.

When you think of the decade known as the 1980s, what would you consider to be the best year?  Was it 1981, when disco breathed its last breath and New Wave became the future?  Perhaps it was 1987, the year of the Rickroll and Tiffany's shopping mall tours?  Or maybe it was 1989, the year in which Madonna expressed herself and Janet Jackson started up her own rhythm nation?



Well, I have a favourite year in 1980s music.  And it happens to be 1986.

When I look back at my music collection, 1986 seems to be represented more than any other year.  And why not?  It was a really diverse year on the Billboard music charts with thirty singles reaching #1.  And, if you've been following along with the Sunday Jukebox feature over the past few months (since I started featuring #1 songs exclusively), 1986 is one of the years that is represented the most.  You have rhythm and blues, rock and roll, funk, electro-pop, love ballads, heavy metal, and even a couple of all-girl groups.  1986 had something for everybody.

And although today's song only represented itself on the top of the charts for one week only, it made enough of an impact to be considered a signature hit for this band.



These days, the lead singer of this band, Mick Hucknall, is going solo and touring all over the world crooning a selection of American soul classics.  But back in the 1980s, he was the man who fronted the band known as Simply Red.  I make no secret of announcing that Simply Red is one of my all-time favourite bands, and I have a hard time coming up with any song that they did that I don't like.  They were just that awesome.  From their cover of "If You Don't Know Me By Now" to "Stars" to "Fairground" to "Sunrise", I have to admit that there's just something about that band that causes me to go on a temporary high - even if the song itself is one that has depressing overtones.

And, as it so happens, twenty-eight years ago this week, Simply Red had the #1 song on the Billboard charts!  Have a listen.



ARTIST:  Simply Red
SONG:  Holding Back the Years
ALBUM:  Picture Book
DATE RELEASED:  November 16, 1985
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #1 for 1 week

NOTE:  The release date here was the UK release...and in that country, it peaked at #51.  It was re-released in May 1986, where it hit #1 in the United States the week of July 12, 1986 - one of two Simply Red songs to do so.  By the way, the re-released song managed to hit the #2 position in the UK.



This single wasn't the band's first release (that honour belongs to 1985's "Money's Too Tight (To Mention)".  But I would definitely say that "Holding Back the Years was the single that helped put Simply Red on the path to greatness.  It's a song that is not without a little bit of melancholy though.

Oh, what am I saying...it's very melancholic. 

But it's also a song that kind of describes a feeling that we've all experienced in our lives at some point.  We all get stuck in a rut sometimes and we all cling onto the hope that things will eventually get better.  At least, that's the interpretation that I get from the song.  I guess it could be a message about regret as well, as Mick sings about wasted time and years and other things like that.  But again, that's just my interpretation. 

Truth is that songs can be subjected to a lot of different interpretations, and I think that almost all of them have the possibility to be correct.  Well, okay, telling me that "Holding Back the Years" is all about a thief who stole all the calendars out of a Walmart might be a bit of a stretch.  But most other interpretations could be considered correct.

This was a song that was composed by Hucknall himself when he was just seventeen years old.  And the song was reportedly inspired by a real-life event that affected Mick quite significantly.  When Mick was just a tyke of three, his mother left the family, and it caused a lot of turmoil for the family that she left behind.

I wonder if that event set the tone for Mick's admitted promiscuity during the years that he fronted Simply Red.  I won't talk about it here, but if you Google his name, you'll likely come across an article or two that explains everything.

Anyway, most of the song's lyrics were written when Mick was 17.  But it wouldn't be until a few years later that he came up with the song's chorus.  Neil Moss, who at the time was a member of the Frantic Elevators is listed as a co-writer.

I already mentioned before that this song was released twice.  Once with little fanfare in 1985, and once with a huge outpouring of love in 1986.  But did you know that it was released a third time in 2005?  At that time, Simply Red had recorded an acoustic jazz album entitled "Simplified", which featured new recordings of some of their older classics.  This third version of "Holding Back the Years" below was featured on several smooth jazz radio stations that year.



The music video is also quite nicely done.  Look for cameos from the rest of the band during the scenes in which you see cricket players in the field.

And, well...that's all I have to say for today's Sunday Jukebox entry.  It's a short entry, but a sweet one.  And, well...here's hoping that better days are ahead.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

50 First Dates

Here's a very personal question for all of you.  Do you remember what you did on your first date?  I have the feeling that I asked this question before in this blog, but for some reason my horrible short term memory can't recall if I did or not.  But just for the sake of argument, let's go ahead and tell the story anyway.

My very first date took place when I was fourteen years old.  I even remember the exact date of my first date.  June 21, 1995. 

That was the night that I had my eighth grade graduation, and to be honest with you, I almost decided not to go to the dance after the ceremony.  I was just going to go to the ceremony, grab my diploma, and disappear into the darkness of my dimly-lit neighbourhood.  But then a girl named Heather decided that she wanted to go to the grad, and since I didn't have a date, she was the one who asked me. 

Now, I know that some of you traditionalists out there may believe that it is better for the guy to ask the girl out instead of the other way around...but screw tradition!  I actually had plans for grad night!  And it wasn't as if we were complete strangers either.  We had gotten to know each other for a few months and we hung out together in the school hallways during our break.

(Yeah, once you got to seventh grade at my elementary school, we had no such thing as recess.)

Anyway, the night of the grad was fantastic.  I even bought her a little corsage.  And I think we danced slow dances and a couple of fast songs - even though I dance about as well as an intoxicated fifteen year old who is about to throw up because his underage butt couldn't hold his alcohol.  But, there was no kiss.  It was pretty awkward to lean in for a good night kiss when her mother was standing at the gym door staring at us slow dancing to a Bryan Adams song because she arrived ten minutes before the dance wrapped up.  True story.

Anyway, that was the story of my first date.  And surprisingly enough, even though it was almost two decades ago, I remember mostly every detail.

I get the feeling that most of you out there probably remember who your first date was with, and what you did on your first date.  It is a rather significant part of growing up.  But I imagine that some of you may have forgotten about your first date.  Some of you may not remember it at all, or some of you may wish that you could forget it.  And that's cool.  Our memories can sometimes fade as we age.  I suppose one of the reasons why I started this blog was so I could have a reminder of things that I once did so that if the time comes that I can't remember anything, this blog will be somewhat of a reminder.



As of right now, my long-term memory is fantastic.  Short-term memory?  Not that much.  I can remember everything that I did 25 years ago, but completely forgot what I did 25 minutes ago.  Hence the reference to the short-term memory loss at the beginning over whether or not I told the story of my first date before.  Oh, well...you've heard of summer reruns, right?  Consider this to be one.

But imagine having short-term memory loss that is so severe that you can't remember anything that you did over the last 24 hours.  It'd be like you were reliving that same day over and over again, and all of the memories that you shared the previous day were completely whitewashed away.

Imagine how much more complicated it would be if you fell in love with someone, took them on a first date that neither one of you would ever forget...only for her to completely forget who you are the very next morning.  Would you walk away from a seemingly impossible situation, or would you fight for the one you love, and do everything you can to be with them?



For Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, they attempt to answer this question with not one, not two, but 50 First Dates!



I picked up this movie at a store that sold used DVD's, video games, and CD's some time ago, and I have to admit that although I'm typically not a fan of movies that have Adam Sandler as its star, it cancels out because I'm typically a fan of movies that have Drew Barrymore as its star.  I guess if you look at it from a different angle, for me, Barrymore acts as reverse kryptonite to Adam Sandler in a way, as all the movies they worked in together have been movies I liked.

And in this film - which opened in theatres on February 13, 2004 and grossed an average of nearly two hundred million at the box office - Sandler plays the role of Henry Roth, a man who falls in love with the extremely forgetful Lucy Whitmore (Barrymore), only to find that Lucy's short-term memory is about as tiny as a four gigabyte memory stick.  And if you've ever tried to save an XBOX 360 game on a 4GB USB stick, you'd get an idea of just how tiny that memory capacity is!

(For those of you who don't understand electronics, let's just say that Lucy's short-term memory has completely vanished.)

Rounding out the cast of this film are Rob Schneider, Dan Aykroyd, Sean Astin, Lusia Strus and Blake Clark.

The majority of this film was shot in the state of Hawaii, so naturally, the setting of the film takes place in Hawaiian paradise as well.  And let's just say that Henry, who works as a marine veterinarian at a theme park is about as addicted to women as you could possibly get.  I believe Britney Spears had a song out a few years back that described his character perfectly.



Ah, yes.  Thank you Britney.



Truth be told, although Henry has no problem picking up women, he can't seem to make a relationship stick more than a day or two.  This has lead him to live a somewhat lonely life.  Sure, he does have friends in the form of island native Ula (Schneider), assistant Alexa (Strus), and even a couple of sea creatures from the marine park he works at.



And then Lucy enters his life with a winning smile, warm personality, and cheerful disposition and completely sweeps Henry off of his feet.  Although it takes a little bit of time for Henry to work up the nerve to even speak to her, they hit it off and make a date for the next morning.



Problem is that when Henry arrives at the place where he met Lucy, she doesn't remember him at all.  It's not her fault, of course.  She was involved in a rather nasty car accident on her father's birthday the previous year.  She and her father Marlin (Clark) were on their way to buy a fresh pineapple for his birthday when the accident happened.  The accident caused Lucy to suffer from a type of anterograde amnesia which causes her to believe that it is the same day all over again - October 13, the day of the accident. 

Now you might expect that for some people, this would be too much of a dealbreaker when it comes to pursuing a long-term relationship.  That's why I think it's amazing that Henry decides to cast away his womanizing ways and pursue the woman who he can picture spending the rest of his life with, and he takes on the challenge to make her his one and only despite the challenges from her father and brother (Astin), and despite the fact that she can only remember him one date at a time.

All in all, while I won't reveal the end of the film, I certainly recommend this film to anybody today - even if the movie is now a decade old.  It certainly makes those of us who feel that romance is an impossible dream feel a little less awkward, and it's certainly a movie that shows just how some people who are in love with go through any obstacle to be with that one person they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

Now, before my short term memory stops working, I'll post some trivia about this movie.

1 - Don't worry about catching the ailment that Lucy suffers from in the movie.  It is 100% fictional.

2 - There's a joke inserted in the film where Henry's character jokes about the Boston Red Sox winning the World Series.  Approximately eight months after this movie debuted, the Red Sox did win the 2004 World Series after an eighty-six year drought!

3 - The diner where Lucy and Henry meet was actually a remodeled house.

4 - The original title of the film was "50 First Kisses".  It was changed to "50 First Dates" in order to distance itself from another Drew Barrymore film - 1999's "Never Been Kissed".

5 - The film was also originally set in Seattle, Washington instead of Hawaii.

6 - Henry names two dolphins after the Olsen twins.

And, that's the end of the blog on "50 First Dates".  I hope you enjoyed it.

By the way...did I ever tell you the story about my first date?  It happened back on June 21, 1995...

Friday, July 11, 2014

7-Eleven and Other Convenience Store Memories

All right.  It's time for another edition of the FOODIE FRIDAY post - only without a recipe this week.  Actually for that matter, there's not a whole lot of focus on food at all.  I mention some, but it's more of a place blog to be honest with you.

But that's okay with me.  And you know why it's okay with me?

Because it's July 11th, that's why.

Okay, you're probably thinking - what does that have to do with anything?  That just seems like one of the most random transitions in the whole world.

Or, is it?

Okay.  Try picturing the date today numerically.  Like this.  7-11.  And, yes, I know those of you in the United Kingdom would write it as 11-7, but that would be too confusing for this entry. 

Okay, now I want you to take one of the numbers and write it out in word form. 

SEVEN-11

Okay, maybe if we flip it and reverse it.

11-SEVEN

Sigh...you know what I mean.



7-ELEVEN

Say.  That's a perfect way to introduce today's topic.  After all, 7-ELEVEN is one of the places that I plan to talk about, as well as Canadian chains Mac's, Becker's, Quickie, and more.

Today's topic is all about the wonders of convenience...stores, that is. 

Now, I know that for some people, convenience stores get an insanely bad rap.  I hear people often say that a convenience store is the only place where you can buy a carton of milk for seven bucks that expired four weeks ago.  In any of the times that I've gone in a convenience store, I've never bought anything expired.  But, maybe I'm just lucky, I guess.

But that being said, I do have a lot of fond memories of spending a lot of time in neighbourhood corner stores and convenience marts, spending my hard earned allowance on comic books and whatever candy tickled my fancy that particular day.



In fact, I think I remember the very first memory that I have of a corner store.  In fact, it literally was on a corner of an intersection so it was an honest to goodness corner store.  One of my favourite things to eat as a child was ice cream, and back in the 1980s when the store was open, the owner of the store would have a lot of different flavours of ice cream that the four-year-old version of me absolutely wanted to try.  Of course there were the classic staples, such as chocolate and vanilla, but have any of you out there ever tried Grape Ice Cream?  Some of you might be cringing at the very thought of there being grape flavoured ice cream, but I can tell you that it was awesome.  If I remember correctly it kind of tasted like a grape freezie.  And, at the time, my favourite fruit flavour was grape, so I suppose it was predestined that I would like grape ice cream.

I'd probably still eat grape ice cream today - even though my current favourite fruit flavours are cherry and watermelon (try saying that sentence five times fast).  Actually, I wonder what watermelon ice cream would taste like?  I bet it'd be interesting.

Sadly that store closed up shop when I was around five or six...and it became a dilapidated eyesore for over two decades.  As of right now, there's crews fixing up the building.  Although I have my doubts that it'll ever be a convenience store again, I'll always have the memories of grape ice cream.

Back when my grandparents were still alive, they lived near a railroad track. And there were some circumstances in which my family had to move in with them on a temporary basis (what those circumstances are I'm not ready to talk about publicly right now).  But in some ways it was good because they lived right down the street from another convenience store of my youth.  This store was one in which I had my first taste of this kind of gum.



Thrills gum.  It's lavender coloured, it's been in Canada for years, and the best way to describe it is that it tastes like soap.

Not that I went around in my youth randomly going through the health and beauty section at a drug store taking bites out of Dove and Oil of Olay bars to satisfy a bizarre craving for body products to know what soap actually tasted like.  But if I did, I would guess that Thrills gum would be a reasonable facsimile of the flavour of lavender scented soap.



Of course, gum that tasted like soap would be a pretty lousy excuse to set foot inside of a convenience store, so I offer up the mystery of the surprise bag.  Yeah, back in the 1980s, surprise bags were only worth pennies (now they're worth dollars), and I think that the store next to Grandma and Grandpa's house was the only store at the time that sold them.  And you got a lot of bang for your buck.  Each surprise bag contained at least one piece of candy (usually a lollipop, a package of red licorice, or a Charleston Chew), but there was also a small toy as well.  You could get paper airplanes, you could get a pencil...I think one day I even got a miniature water pistol.  Yes, I remember that store very well.  Of course, the owner of that store retired a few years back, and I think a barber shop and/or a tattoo parlour has opened up in its place.  But again, I'll always have the memories.

Now, I've talked a bit about a couple of local stores that I used to haunt.  Now let's talk about a chain of stores.



Obviously I opened up this discussion by mentioning that it was July 11, which lead to the 7-ELEVEN connection.  Would you believe that I was nineteen years old before I even set foot inside of a 7-ELEVEN location?  I know some of you must be shocked because you've probably gone your whole lives not knowing a world without one.  Well, when I was in Ottawa, I saw that there was one on one of the main streets, and I decided to check it out.  To me, it was nice to go into, but it didn't really seem all that different from any other store of similarity.  I was almost disappointed.



Then I tried one of their world famous Slurpees, and I decided that the experience was worth it in the end.  Of course, I'm a fan of slushy drinks anyway, so they could have also sold Frosters, Icees, and Slush Puppies and I would have been just as happy.

(By the way, here's a bonus question for you.  Did any of you ever mix up several flavours of slushy drinks to come up with some new combinations?  If you ever get the chance to get a Slush Puppie, get they to put in two squirts of cherry, two squirts of blue raspberry, and one squirt of lime.  I don't know if you'd like that combo or not, but I promise you.  It's worth trying at least once.)



There was also a chain store called Mac's that I used to go to all the time.  It's since become a Becker's location, but I do have a fun story to tell.  Many many years ago when I was three years old, my parents entered me in a contest where the grand prize was a five foot tall stuffed mascot (at that time, the Mac's mascot was a giant red cat - it's now changed to an owl).  I ended up winning that contest, and I still have the red cat in my closet.  I'd take a picture for you, but my camera is currently charging.  You'll have to remind me to snap one whenever I get the chance.  Now that the mascot has changed, it's probably a collector's item now!

And now I turn the floor over to you.


What are some of your memories of convenience stores?

Thursday, July 10, 2014

"Entertainment" Tonight?

For this week's edition of Tube Talk Thursday, I decided that I would take a different approach.  Normally in this blog, I would talk about television programs that were a part of my growing up experiences, or shows that I enjoy, or if I really wanted to challenge myself, shows that I had never seen before until I decided to do a blog entry on them. 

But today I've decided to do a blog entry on a television program that I absolutely despise.  It's a show that I think is saturated with stupidity, celebrates the classless, and puts unwanted attention on those who least deserve it.

So, I suppose you must be asking yourself "if you hate this show so badly, then why would you even do a blog entry on it in the first place?"

Fair point.  A television show that I have no respect for should be a show that I shouldn't watch at all (and believe me, I stopped watching it a long time ago).  But the reason why I want to do a blog on this television show anyway is because at one time it used to be a wonderful program.  Truth is, it was one of the shows that sort of cultivated my love of all things pop culture.  For the first few years of the show's life, it was an informative entertainment news program that focused on the making of films, introducing brand new actors and actresses, and showing some behind the scenes trivia about your favourite stars.  To now see this show descend into a trashy tabloid show with the perky hosts and hostesses smiling with glee as they report half-truths and scandals that could potentially destroy people's careers...it's incredibly sad to see. 



This is the blog about "Entertainment Tonight" - a show that I feel does more harm than good.  And I warn all of you ahead of time...I will be harsh in this blog.  I'll cut out the swears, of course...but I'm not going to be kind.

Of course, before we get into the main reasons why I cannot stand this show, we must take a look at what the show was like before it turned into the anything but entertaining mess it currently is now.



The idea behind "Entertainment Tonight" was hatched by Alfred Masini, who was also responsible for the successful program "Solid Gold".  He had the idea to create a half-hour television program that would focus on the hottest news coming out of Hollywood, by interviewing celebrities on the red carpet, on film sets, and on soundstages where television shows taped.  The whole premise of the show would allow viewers at home to get to know their favourite stars better, as well as explain to them just how difficult it could be to film stunts, churn out a new episode of a television show, and some of the mechanics behind how certain scenes were shot.

And certainly when the show debuted on September 14, 1981, it certainly did have a lot of experienced staff on its payroll.  Andy Friendly was the show's first producer but only lasted about six weeks on the job before John E. Goldhammer took over.  However, both of these men influenced how the program was presented for years to come.  Goldhammer was responsible for the look of the show, and how the show's reporters interacted with their interview subjects.  And Friendly made sure that the majority of the crew of the show came from diverse backgrounds, hiring field reporters to concert roadies.  I have to admit that it was a brilliant move doing that because it allowed the producers of "Entertainment Tonight" to have a pool of resources at their disposal for almost anything that the show wanted to cover.

Of course, there's nobody who has hosted the show during the entire 33-year-run of the program.  Certainly this show went through a lot of "casting changes" as a lot of television shows do the longer that they stay on the air.  When the show debuted, the original anchors were Ron Hendren, Tom Hallick, Marjorie Wallace, and Dixie Whatley.  But all four of those people were gone by '84 (three of them leaving after the first season alone), and the following people then became co-hosts...

Mary Hart (1982-2011)
Leeza Gibbons (1984-1995)
Robb Weller (1984-1986)
John Tesh (1986-1996)
Bob Goen (1993-2004)
Jann Carl (1995-2008)
Mark Steines (1995-2012)
Kevin Frazier (2004-2011)
Thea Andrews (2006-2009)
Samantha Harris (2010-2012)

Other correspondents of the program included Robin Leach, Maria Menounos, Chris Wragge, Julie Moran, Lisa Canning, Roshumba Williams, and Vanessa Minnillo.



Currently, the program is hosted by Nancy O'Dell and Rob Marciano, with Brooke Anderson, Rocsi Diaz, and Joe Zee as correspondents.

Now, again, back in the days in which Mary Hart co-hosted the show with John Tesh was when I liked watching the show the most.  Not that I really cared for either host, but the format of the show was still quite good.  I loved watching reports on behind-the-scenes stories from the set.  I was into celebrity interviews that were at that time very professional.  And, heck, I even liked seeing Leonard Maltin appear on the show with his film reviews and choices for some of the biggest Hollywood blockbusters.  Mind you, most of the time, I disagreed with his thoughts (I always seemed to take Siskel & Ebert more seriously), but I appreciated that Maltin did do a segment on movies.

I don't know when it was that I started to see a change in "Entertainment Tonight".  I think it may have been when I was in my teens, right around the time of the O.J. Simpson trial that things just seemed more scandalous.  For instance, the prosecutor in the O.J. Simpson case, Marcia Clark, soon became a temporary correspondent...which I thought was an odd choice.  Even odder was the show's sudden interest in those silly "Dancing Itos" that were all the talk in 1995 (For those of you who don't know, Lance Ito was the judge in the case, and Jay Leno introduced them on "The Tonight Show").

Then there was the reports of George Clooney staging a boycott against "Entertainment Tonight" and other entertainment programs because of his claim that "Hard Copy" (a sister show of "Entertainment Tonight") purposely did an expose about Clooney's love life without his knowledge or consent.  Though Clooney has since dropped that boycott, it certainly sparked a debate about how much of a celebrity's private life stays private.  Mind you, I never watched "Hard Copy" because I despise shows that focus on scandal and tabloid...but it's interesting to note that when "Hard Copy" ceased production in the late 1990s that a large chunk of the show's crew joined "Entertainment Tonight".  Because I think it was the late 1990s that "Entertainment Tonight" stopped becoming entertaining.

For instance, why "Entertainment Tonight" would choose to feature interviews with public figures who were more famous for bad behaviour and claim that it is "entertaining" is beyond my comprehension.  Tonya Harding helped plan the attack on her rival Nancy Kerrigan at the 1994 Winter Olympics.  Why was she worthy of camera time on an entertainment program?  I could understand her telling her side of the story on news programs like "20/20" or "Dateline NBC", but I didn't want to see it on "Entertainment Tonight". 

Same deal with Amy Fisher.  Um, hello...she served jail time for shooting the wife of the man she was having an affair with!  To then group all three of them together in a joint "exclusive" interview makes me want to puke.  How much money did that show pay each of them to be interviewed?  And why did they think that we cared at all about these people?

Or, how about the show's constant pimpage of ridiculous fads months and months on end?  We get it.  You guys love Twitter.  But do you really have to insert footage of Hollywood experts typing away on their smartphones and iPhones while they're doing their interviews?  Congratulations, ET.  You've just succeeded in giving off the stereotype that all Hollywood people are self-absorbed twits who can't spare five minutes away from their phones to have actual conversations with real people.  Mind you, I know a lot of people who ARE like this, but not everyone is.

And, seriously, "Entertainment Tonight".  Anna Nicole Smith has been dead for seven years now.  Her daughter Dannielynn is with a father she adores.  Leave them alone and focus on more pressing issues. 

(And by pressing issues, I don't mean the Kardashians, Kanye West, Miley Cyrus' twerking, or celebrity scandals.  Seriously.  I don't care.)

I want to know where the celebrity birthday segments are.  I want to know where the trivia segments are.  I want to know where the feel-good stories are.  I mean, even when celebrities die (many of them working their entire lives and appearing in career-defining performances), it almost seems like a footnote so that they can present a half-hour filled with fluff.  It's almost like this...

"(Insert celebrity name here) passed away at their home early this morning...but first, KIM KARDASHIAN HAS HEMMORHOIDS!!!  WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE KARDASHIAN EMPIRE?  WE HAVE INTERVIEWS FROM SEVEN EXPERTS WHO WILL REVEAL ALL!!!

Seriously...is this what passes as "entertainment" these days?  If so, I'm glad to be considered a "square" who dabbles in boring things like reading, writing, and watching television that isn't trash.


"Entertainment Tonight"...I quit you.  You've changed way too much to be considered relevant.  At one time, you were the premiere source for entertainment news, and I suppose that if the ratings are any indication, you still are to some people.  But I can't sit by and watch a show that I used to love become tainted with self-absorption, dumbed down personalities, and people whose fifteen minutes ended years ago.  Not when it used to be so good.

And, yes...I am aware that the show does change based on target audience...and ET has always been a show for the 18-49 crowd.  But the thing is that even though I'm still in that demographic, I can't help but notice the quality decline to the point that not even seven years olds would find the show entertaining.

But again, it's only an opinion.  I just shared mine.

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Small Town Boy in a Big Ol' City

Welcome to another edition of WHO AM I WEDNESDAY - the portion of the blog in which I take a deeper look at things in order to figure out why I am the way I am, and how I appear to others. 

And the topic for today's analysis?  Well, it's exactly what the title states.  A small town boy in a big ol' city.

Let me explain the circumstances behind this blog.  I live in a small town community of 22,000 people.  It's considered to be one of those towns that has a lot of historical significance, and therefore is listed as a tourist community.  And certainly there are lots of reasons why I can see this as being the case.  Aside from a two year period in which I lived elsewhere, I have spent most of my life in this area.  And like most other places on this planet, this place has its good parts and its bad parts. 

Of course, small town life is what I'm used to.  When I was a kid, I used to think that my hometown was so big, and that it would take days to explore.  Of course, now as an adult, I realize that the town isn't as big as I thought it was.  At least not compared to larger cities like Ottawa, Toronto, Montreal, or Quebec City. 

Now, granted, I did call Ottawa my home away from home for a couple of years, but even then I didn't really go out and explore the city back then.  At 19, I was suffering a little bit from small fish, big pond syndrome, and I didn't feel comfortable in a city that huge at all.  The only time I ever really ventured out into the city was when I had to cover a story for the college newspaper or if I had to run down to the nearest 7-Eleven store to pick up some snacks for Survivor night.

(And yes, Survivor was on way back in 2001.)

The point is that even though I had a huge city to explore, I stayed on or near the residence hall because to me it felt more like that small town atmosphere that I grew up in.  I don't know why I felt that way...it just happened that way.

So, I decided to try an experiment.  It has now been a dozen years since I left Ottawa.  A lot has changed in those twelve years, and I'm probably more confident than I have ever been in my life.  What if I pretended to be a tourist in a city larger than mine?  And what if I actually wandered the streets of said city and tried to do what the locals did, go where the locals go, hang out where the locals hung out, etc.

I got the opportunity to try this experiment out yesterday.  I had a family member who had to go to a pair of doctor's appointments at the same hospital in the nearby community of Kingston, Ontario (population 117,200 - nearly six times the size of my current town of residence).  This hospital was located just a block away from the main street of town and was within driving distance of some of the shopping plazas, outlet malls, and box stores in the area. 

Naturally, I jumped at the chance to go out of town.  And, through these pictures that I snapped with my iPod, I thought I'd share my random thoughts with you through pictures and comments, and compare some of the major differences between Kingston and my hometown.  Most of these are quite hilarious and silly, but I come to a really serious conclusion at the end of it all.

Let's begin our tour of Kingston from the parking garage across the street from the hospital, shall we?



1.  I'm standing on the sixth floor of the parking garage, as it says on this sign.  There's ten floors in total.  In my little area, all our parking garages are one level.  And, they aren't garages.  They're lots.  Already, this place has bigger parking structures than we do.



2.  This place also seems to have larger hospitals.  This is just one of the hospitals that Kingston has.  Which I believe is three times the size of ours. 



3.  Although I believe that our bus lines are running later during a trial run for the rest of 2014, I'm pointing out the bus in this picture as another major difference between Kingston and my town.  Public transit holds more people and runs longer in larger cities.  As someone who has a phobia of driving, this is definitely something that I am envious of - cities that have the manpower to transport people whenever and wherever they want to go.



4 - One thing I noticed when walking down the streets of Kingston is that practically everyone was carrying a beverage of some sort.  I mean it!  I felt so left out that I ducked inside of a Tim Hortons to sip on a frozen lemonade just to blend in!  Not that I cared about conforming at that stage.  When it's 34 degrees Celsius with the humidity, I needed that frozen drink!



5 - Of course, when you have a Starbucks on the corner, like this one on Kingston's main street, I suppose it's easy to grab a java on the go.  Might I add that this is one of several Starbucks in the area?  My town only has one.



6 - Oh my lord, even the stores are five times larger than the stores where I am.  The "Staples" location in my area would maybe fill a fraction of this huge place!



7 - I love the fact that the nearby mall in Kingston sells a lot of "neat things".  Seriously, check out the name of the store.  Neat Things.  I think they sell hockey memorabilia or something like that.  I'm not sure exactly.



8 - Yes, I took a photo of the competition store.  But only from the outside.  And only because my town doesn't have one.



9 - I don't think that we have anywhere in my town that is greeted by a gigantic stuffed moose.  I have no idea how much this guy cost, but I figured I'd at least get a shot of him before he got sold.

Of course, those are the major differences that I found.  Basically everything is bigger and has more people.  But for all of the differences there are, there's a whole lot of similarities.



Both places have interesting architecture. (Kingston on top, my town on bottom).



Both places have a market square that attracts a lot of people.



Both places have historical landmarks.



Both places have attractive looking storefronts in their downtown core.

And, most importantly, both places have their share of friendly natives, as everyone who I crossed paths with were kind, courteous, and great representatives for their community.  That's awesome to see.

And, I suppose that's the point that I want to make here.  It doesn't matter whether you've been in a city for six months or sixty years.  Everyone has the power within themselves to represent their community the best way they know how.  And, I certainly hope that I've done a good job making both cities places to visit.

I also think that a person can find a way to make any place their home.  I may not have had much success in Ottawa, but I certainly did have some in Kingston yesterday.  And I'm telling you...getting more self-confidence about myself in an area that I'm not overly familiar with...that's a good feeling.