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Monday, August 04, 2014

Fifteen Funny Fast Food Signs

Okay, guys!  Today is a civic holiday here in my home province of Ontario, Canada, and for the first time in what seems like forever, I actually have a holiday off!  So, as a result of this, I'm going to be making this blog entry a little bit on the brief side.

But given that today is
FUNNY MONDAY, and that Funny Monday posts are usually 75% photos, I figure that today would be a good day to have a lazy day.

So, the topic of discussion today is...Fast Food Signs.

I'm sure that if you go anywhere near a designated Fast Food Alleyway (where it seems that every second structure is a fast food place), you'll notice that every single place has one of those signs which have the removable magnetic letters that people go out and change to advertise specials like a Whopper, Big Mac, Baconator, or 20-piece bucket of chicken.  In most cases, the signs are written very well and get the point across.

Sometimes, a person might run out of letters and substitute 1's for I's, 3's for E's and 5's for S's.  It's annoying for us to read, but at least the person who did the signs thought a little outside of the box and still got the word out.

But then there are fast food signs which are just plain BIZARRE.  And some that are funny - both intentionally and unintentionally.

So, I scoured the web looking for fifteen of the funniest fast food signs that I could spot.  And, I want to credit Flickr, Buzzfeed, Rant Lifestyle, and Slightly Warped for the photos used in this piece.

Now, here's a question for you.  Which fast food place do you figure would have the most screw-ups?  Burger King?  McDonald's?  Taco Bell?  Pizza Hut?

Would you believe that the winning restaurant (at least in the ones that I found anyway) was Wendy's?  Of the fifteen examples that I found online, one-third of them were from Wendy's!  So, we'll start off with the Wendy's signs, and proceed to the other fast food places one by one.  Did your favourite make the list?



Okay, so I don't really know if this was a legitimate goof, or if it was done as a practical joke by someone who is obviously disgruntled with their job.  But way to perpetuate the stereotype about fast food workers, Wendy's...way to go.



It's nice to see that this particular Wendy's has fish.  It's also very disturbing to see that you actually don't need to know grammar to be able to sell said fish at this particular Wendy's.  But hey, when they pipe in all their money into commercials where the red-haired girl sings about her unhealthy obsession with pretzel bun burgers, I suppose grammar does take a back seat.



Good idea on paper...bad execution.



Now, this one has a back story behind it.  In 2002, the founder of Wendy's Restaurants, Dave Thomas, passed away.  And, I can definitely see why some restaurants would want to use their signage to pay their respects.  But tacking on that "Now Hiring" sign at the bottom - well, that just adds a touch of elegance to the whole thing, doesn't it?



Who needs Soylent Green when a Bacon Mushroom Melt is so much tastier?  Oh yeah...Wendy's is hiring!  Better make sure you add in "tastes delicious" in your application!



I'll admit...I did try pulling this off when I was a kid.  It wasn't long before I learned that in order to get a Blizzard, I would have to be quiet in the car.  And even then, that was no guarantee.  But I do give credit to Dairy Queen for trying something creative in their marketing gimmicks.



This is one of those cases in which the name of the business has an unfortunate side effect on the products sold within.



I'm curious to know what kind of toppings come with that Burger King dish.



I should hope so!!!



Okay, so I'm just assuming that when they talk about Spongebob, they're really talking about those toys that you get inside of a Kids Meal.  And, I'm sure that when they talk about hiring managers, they're really looking for a new manager to run the place.  Otherwise, this entire photo would have to be taken underwater, and the name of the restaurant would have to be changed to the Krusty Krab.  Still though...it would be cool to be hired by a cartoon character.



Okay, I'm supposed to pay for my dollar and nickel combo with WHAT?!?



Oh, dear.  I'm guessing that this is one of those unfortunate situations in which the name of the town combined with the logo of a fast food place turns into something naughty.  Either that, or this is one of the largest personal ads ever created.



This is another brilliant sign that was inspired by a real-life event.  Remember a couple of years ago when Chick-fil-A caused controversy with their comments about gay and lesbian people?  I even wrote a blog about it HERE.  Well, unlike Chick-fil-A, KFC decided that they would issue their own statement.  A statement that would allow everybody to feel welcome.  I think the Colonel would have been proud.



Happy Valentine's Day, honey!  I want you to put on your finest evening dress and wear that perfume that makes you smell so nice.  I managed to get us into one of the finest restaurants in town.  I certainly hope you like to be treated like a princess, because we're going to dine inside of a castle!



Well.  At least the person doing this sign is honest.

Sunday, August 03, 2014

Jessie's Girl



Can you believe that earlier this week, MTV celebrated its thirty-third anniversary?  I know!  I can hardly believe it myself - mainly because MTV has changed so much since the 1980s...and sadly, not for the better.

But back on August 1, 1981, MTV made household names out of Nina Blackwood, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter, J.J. Jackson, and Martha Quinn.  And the very first video that was played on the music channel was "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Buggles.  And during the first fifteen years of the channel's life, MTV certainly was the premiere choice for all things music.  There were special concert performances and "MTV Unplugged" acoustic show tapings.  There was the MTV Video Music Awards.  There were special games shows based on pop culture such as "Remote Control", and cartoon series like "Beavis and Butt-Head" and "Daria". 

And of course, the music videos were the best part of the whole MTV experience.  From rock and roll to dance-pop, MTV's early years had all sorts of music videos played in segments hosted by the MTV VJ crew.  The VJ's also exclusively interviewed artists who wanted to promote new albums or concert tours, and they even allowed some artists to become guest VJ's.  Music videos could be requested as well by viewers who called in to "Total Request Live" at the beginning of the late 1990s.

That's why I'm really sad to see that MTV has seemingly drained all of the M out of MTV, and is now reduced to being a 24-hour-long reality channel.  As if I really care if Paris Hilton finds a new best friend, or if a group of frat boys can stay quiet in a library to win money, or where the "Real World" cast is going to stay, or what the heck a Snooki is.

I suppose that it was inevitable though.  Reality television became a pop culture phenomenon at the beginning of the twenty-first century, so naturally MTV had to jump on that bandwagon.  And YouTube, Vevo, and Vimeo have been posting free music videos for years now, so I can understand why more people would choose to watch them there instead of on television.

Still, as someone who grew up on the Canadian version of MTV (which may as well be re-christened as "The Degrassi Channel"), it's depressing knowing that a huge part of my childhood is now a television wasteland.  Why couldn't things go back to the way they were?  I say bring back Martha Quinn and Mark Goodman to co-host a retrospective MTV type show!

But, until that happens (if that happens at all), I thought that I would take today's Sunday Jukebox entry all the way back to August 1981.  This was the #1 song the week that MTV first went on the air. 



ARTIST:  Rick Springfield
SONG:  Jessie's Girl
ALBUM:  Working Class Dog
DATE RELEASED:  February 14, 1981
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #1 for 2 weeks



Ah, yes.  Rick Springfield, the Australian born rock singer who made millions of women swoon when he starred on the soap opera "General Hospital" from 1981 until 1983 (he has since come back for several guest appearances; the last one in 2013).  Though Rick had been in the music industry since 1972, it wasn't until August 1981 before he reached the zenith of his career with his first (and only) #1 hit on the Billboard Charts. 

How ironic that this song about unrequited love would happen to be released on Valentine's Day of all days!

Now, I bet you're wondering something about this song.  I bet you're wondering who Jessie is.  I bet you're wondering who Jessie's girl is.  I bet you're wondering if Rick had a friend named Jessie and the friendship soured because Rick secretly had feelings for Jessie's girl, even though Jessie's girl is only in love with Jessie.

Wow...that kind of sounds like a synopsis for "General Hospital", doesn't it?

Well, I have some information that might let a little air out of that scandalous balloon.  Truth is, there is no Jessie.  However, there was a Gary. 

See, back when Rick was still somewhat of an unknown in the music business, he was busy doing other things - such as attending a class on how to make stained glass creations.  It was in this class that he befriended a man named Gary as well as Gary's girlfriend.  And Rick decided that these would be the subjects of the song that he would eventually record in the last days of 1980. 

So, why wasn't the song called "Gary's Girl" instead?  Well, for one, Gary's Girl doesn't seem to have that same ring to it as Jessie's Girl.  I doubt that Gary's Girl would have made the same impact on the charts, let's put it that way.

The name Jessie actually came from a girl who just happened to be walking by Rick Springfield one day.  She was wearing a baseball jersey with the name "Jessie" stitched across the back, and Rick decided that Jessie's Girl would be the name of the song instead.

As for the name of Jessie's Girl?  Well, it remains a mystery, although the video makes it appear that the name of the girl is Patty (look at the graffiti on the walls).  In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Rick admits that there's a reason why Jessie's (Gary's) girl didn't have a name.  He couldn't remember it!  Because he was never really formally introduced to her, he could only really worship her from afar.

TRIVIA:  Oprah Winfrey actually launched an investigation to find the girl at the heart of Jessie's Girl, and made it pretty far.  But the investigation hit a snag when she discovered that the teacher of the stained glass class had died two years earlier, and all of his class records were destroyed.  So, as of 2014, Jessie's Girl still remains a mystery. 

The music video certainly did a great job showing Rick's angst over falling in love with the one woman that he can't have.  He sees how happy she is with her current squeeze (who happens to be Rick's friend), and he is so upset that he takes his guitar and smashes it through the mirror of a medicine chest. 

You know, come to think of it, I seem to recall a lot of early 1980s music videos featuring people destroying objects with other objects.  I suppose that was considered a fad back in the day.



Anyway, the song won Rick a Grammy Award for Best Male Rock Performance in 1982, and although it was his only #1 single, it was far from the end of his music career, as he had a slew of singles between 1981 and 1988.



I also suppose that if the story about Rick developing feelings for Jessie's (Gary) girl is the real deal, he happily seems to have moved on from those feelings.  In 1984 (right around the same time that the single was released in the United Kingdom), he married his wife, Barbara Porter and fathered two children with her.  Interestingly enough, Barbara was working as the receptionist of the recording studio where Rick was recording his "Working Class Dog" album.  Therefore, it's quite a nice tale of love and courtship with Rick meeting the woman of his dreams at work while he was recording a single about getting over a love that was never his to begin with.

It's funny how life works out, isn't it?

Saturday, August 02, 2014

A Simple Wish


It's time for another edition of the Saturday Night At The Movies, and as promised, I will be continuing a special ten-part series based on a discovery that I made at my workplace one day.



Last week, I told you about how I bought a 10-pack of movies for the price of five dollars.  All of these movies are family films that were released during the eighties and nineties, and while some of these films weren't exactly considered Oscar winning masterpieces (well, okay...none of these films are Oscar winning masterpieces), I still enjoyed them enough to give them another whirl.

This is week #2 of 10, and this movie feature will wrap up on Saturday, September 27, 2014.  And last week, we took a look at "The Wizard", a film which starred a 13-year-old Fred Savage, and featured the first appearance of the video game "Super Mario Brothers 3". 

For this week's edition of the blog, we're going to take a look at a film that was released seventeen years ago, and features a very different kind of fairy godmother.

I'm sure that most of us have seen the movie "Cinderella".  While this is not the movie that I will be looking at this time around, there is an element in common between the other film that I want to discuss. 



Halfway through Cinderella, Cinderella happens to have a fairy godmother intervene and give her a temporary makeover so that she can meet the prince of her dreams.  You see, with a flick of the wrist and a "bibbidy bobbidy boo", Cinderella's fairy godmother made it her mission to grant whatever wish she desired - albeit for a limited time only.

And since Cinderella became the belle of the ball all those years ago, fairy godmothers have made appearances throughout media from "Witch's Night Out" to "The Fairly OddParents".  Even "Shrek 2" had a Fairy Godmother - but of course, that fairy godmother did more harm than good.

But what happens when you have a male fairy godmother who seemingly doesn't have any control over his powers and ends up transforming simple wishes into dreams that people never had in the first place?  What if your simple wish was granted by this fairy godmother, and it ended up turning into the exact opposite thing that you wished for?



Well, in the 1997 film "A Simple Wish", that's exactly what happens, as a little girl makes a wish for her father, and it unfortunately ends up in the hands of one of the most inept wish granters to ever exist.

Despite the film's star power - actors Martin Short, Kathleen Turner, Robert Pastorelli, Ruby Dee, Amanda Plummer, Francis Capra, and Mara Wilson all had roles in the film - the film only managed a 27% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes and was savaged by critics.  It also only made eight million at the box office - which was a twenty million dollar LOSS.  Ouch.

But despite the fact that this movie was a box office bomb - there's a part of me that actually didn't mind the film.  Sure, it wasn't the best film that I've ever seen...but at the same time, it is far from being the worst.  After all...I did walk out of the theatre halfway through "Freddy Got Fingered".

Sigh...Tom Green...what the hell were you thinking?



Okay, so here's the situation of the film.  Murray (Short) is the only man in a room filled with hopeful fairy godmothers, all vowing to pass their final exams to become a full-fledged godmother with all the perks.  And, to say that Murray is a guy who prefers to do things the easy way is probably one of the biggest understatements of the film world.  He tries cheating on the exam multiple times but fails at every attempt, and ends up becoming one of the last students to finish.  Despite the fact that he is woefully unprepared, he barely passes the exam.



A few months later, in New York City, an aspiring actor named Oliver Greening (Pastorelli) is feeling dejected after being turned down for the opportunity to star in a Broadway performance of "A Tale of Two Cities".  And, Oliver's daughter Annabel (Wilson) is busy trying to convince her brother Charlie (Capra) that fairies do exist, as Charlie has lost a tooth and is expecting a visit from the Tooth Fairy.  As the family all settles down for the night, Murray clumsily enters the Greening home and overhears Annabel make the wish for her father to get the role in the play.  But because Murray is on a tight deadline with another commitment, he is forced to leave prematurely, with the promise that he will grant her wish at another time.

That very night, Hortense (Dee), the head of all the fairy godmothers in North America holds an annual meeting of all the fairies in the vicinity - a meeting that the clumsy Murray misses because he is late.  Of course, this means that Murray is one of the only fairies to keep his wand, as all of the other fairies had to turn theirs in at the beginning of the meeting.



But this turns out to be a blessing in disguise for Murray, as a former fairy godmother turned evil witch named Claudia (Turner) interrupts the meeting, casts a spell on Hortense that effectively nullifies her powers, and with help from her accomplice Boots (Plummer) steals all of the wands of the other fairies at the meeting, intent on becoming the most powerful wizard in all the world.

There's just one problem.  Claudia didn't take all the wands.  Murray's is still unaccounted for.

And as it so happens, Annabel finds Murray's wand and fully intends on finding a way of returning it.  Unfortunately, Charlie ends up finding the wand too and snaps it in two.  Annabel tries to fix the wand, but after almost getting in trouble in class, she crosses paths with Murray.  And after a series of adventures in which Murray's broken wand accidentally sends both Annabel and Murray to the state of Nebraska, Charlie and Annabel try to enlist Murray's help to make their father's dream come true.  Unfortunately, Murray accidentally transforms Oliver into a statue. 

Now it becomes a race against time.  Can Charlie and Annabel save Oliver from becoming a statue permanently?  Will Oliver's wish come true?  And can they stop Claudia from using her evil powers?

I'm sure you probably know how this will end up, but I won't reveal it here.

But I do have some trivia for you all.

1 - This was the final film for director Michael Ritchie.  He passed away in 2001.

2 - This was also one of Mara Wilson's final movies.  She would make a couple of more movies into the year 2000, but after that, she retired from acting.  Though she does have her own blog (which you can read HERE).

3 - Robert Pastorelli sadly passed away seven years after this film was made - in March 2004.

4 - Teri Garr has a small role in the film as Rena.

5 - The movie was released on July 11, 1997.


(Okay, so the movie was sorely lacking in trivia.)

So, two movies down, eight to go.  And in the next entry on the list, we're going to see how it took a serious accident for one man to become more involved in his children's lives...

Friday, August 01, 2014

Odd Flavour Combos That Surprisingly Work



All right.  Who will admit to watching "Sharknado 2: The Second One" a couple of nights ago?

I'll admit it.  I'll raise my hand in shame.  I watched the film.  I really have no idea why, as I found the original "Sharknado" movie to be so bad it was quite amusing.  I suppose that you could say the same for the sequel.  The sequel - which starred Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Vivica A. Fox, Kari Wuhrer, and Mark "Sugar Ray" McGrath drew an impressive 3.9 million viewers on SyFy.  Not sure how well it was rated in Canada, as it aired on Space TV, but given the buzz that it received on Facebook and Twitter, I figured that it must have also done well here.

Sure, the film had a stupid concept.  Tornadoes that happen to be filled with sharks of all sizes come speeding towards the heart of New York City with the mission of destroying the entire city, and Fin (Ziering), the man who saved Los Angeles one year earlier from a deadly sharknado must do the same with New York.

And the movie is filled with a whole bunch of impossible situations.  For one, I have my doubts that any of us will see a sharknado any time soon (unless global warming really gets out of balance).  I'm also going to go on a whim and say that if a sharknado did materialize out of thin air that the majority of people would not be lollygagging on the city streets window shopping hoping that they won't get crushed by flaming sharks raining down on them.

But yet, the sequel to "Sharknado" is getting great reviews, despite the fact that many others thought that it would never work.  I mean, there is no way I can even picture sharks and tornadoes coming together to create a modern day pop culture phenomenon, but for some crazy reason, it worked out brilliantly.

Now, here's the question.  What exactly does Sharknado have to do with today's food topic?

Well, aside from the fact that I suppose that the people of New York City could have eaten barbecued shark at the end of the movie, there's not much that Sharknado would have in common with a
FOODIE FRIDAY theme.

But what about taking two or more foods that you would never think would blend together to create a surprisingly delicious flavour combination?  That's the topic of the day.

Certainly since the history of culinary arts began, people have been experimenting with ingredients to come up with food magic.  Some of the experiments turn out to be flavour disasters, but some of them have become the next taste sensation.  I mean, there was once a time in which people never expected sour cream and onions to go together, and yet those two things have been instrumental in one of the more popular potato chip flavours out there.

In this entry, I'll be posting a couple of well known dishes that combine ingredients that many don't see as being that great together, but are surprisingly delicious.  As well, I'll be talking about some of the flavour combos that I discovered when I was a kid (and adult).  Some of them may appear to be disgusting, but I can attest - they taste better than you might think - well, given that you like the ingredients, that is.

Let's begin with a combination that is truly Canadian.



See this dish up above?  It's a combination of french fries, gravy, and cheese curd.  Some may call it a heart attack on a plate, and well...I would agree that it's not the healthiest food choice out there.

But for us Canadians, the poutine is one of those things that sounds awful, but tastes incredibly good.  I don't know what it is about the poutine that makes it so irresistible, but to me, it is real comfort food.  Some people look at comfort food as something like fried chicken, or macaroni and cheese, or marshmallow fluff even.  Not me. 

(Coincidentally, you can oven bake the fries and substitute shredded mozzarella cheese in place of curd.  It's the same effect and the taste is no different.)

Now, here's another flavour combination that might make a lot of you gag in disgust.  But keep in mind that I was a young child when I was coming up with this mixture and I had no concept of food plating whatsoever.

Oh, hell...I'm 33, and I still don't know how to plate food.  Masterchef I am not.



When I was younger, I hated mashed potatoes.  I don't know what it was about them, but I always found them to be the most bland of all the side dishes that my mom ever made.  I could handle almost any other vegetables.  Green beans were okay.  Peas were okay.  Corn on the cob was always welcome.  But mashed potatoes were such that no amount of butter could mask the blandness. 



Now, on the other hand, I was (and still am) a fan of the condiment known as mustard.  I'm not sure what it was about that yellow stuff, but the taste of mustard was delicious.  I put that stuff on everything...

...including mashed potatoes.

Yeah, I know it sounds nasty to the general public, but mustard and mashed potatoes was absolutely delicious to me.  When I was a kid, it was really the only way that I could eat mashed potatoes.  And, well...I'll confess.  When I know that nobody else is looking, I'll still dip my mashed potatoes in a glob of French's mustard.

(Don't worry though.  If I am out to dinner with all of you, I won't ever do that.  I just won't order mashed potatoes.)

Okay.  What other food combo do I like that could be considered weird?



Oh, I know.  I used to dip chocolate chip cookies in a tub of Cool Whip.  But, that's not really weird.  Cool Whip and Chips Ahoy is a delicious combo.  If anything, I used to get in trouble doing that because I would always leave crumbs behind.



Ah, but dipping chocolate chip cookies in Coca-Cola?  That's a wilder flavour combo.  Surprisingly, it tasted not too bad - even though I only did it once in a blue moon.  There's nothing worse than a soggy cookie, whether you dip it in tea, coffee, water, or even Coca-Cola.

How about some of you?  What are some of your favourite but strange food combos?

Do you dip your pretzels in ketchup?

Do you put Cheetos in your ice cream?
Do you eat soy sauce on your hot dog?
Do you spread peanut butter on pickles?

Thursday, July 31, 2014

The Apprentice

I'm going to be frank.  I make a lousy businessman.

I know that capitalism seems to be the way of the world these days.  I know that big business and corporations - like it or not - are here to stay, and I also completely understand that our economy is directly linked to capitalism.

However, I'll be the first one to admit that I have a hard time understanding big business.  Although I do work retail, I don't really consider myself to be that great of a salesperson.  In order to be successful in business, you have to have certain qualifications.  You have to be confident.  You have to know your product.  You have to believe in your product.  And, you also have to have a certain level of charm, charisma, and personality.

Do I have any of those things?  Honestly, that's debatable.

But as of right now, I have my doubts that I could work in the world of big business.  I don't even like wearing ties.  I honestly don't even know if I know how to even tie a tie!  Oh, why couldn't I have been an adult during the time period in which we all dressed up like Crockett and Tubbs from Miami Vice?

However, dress code aside, I think that there might be hope for me after all.  I am a fairly creative person, and I can brainstorm several ideas in quick succession.  I'd also like to think that I'm keen enough to know what is working, and what isn't working.

So, when it comes to a particular reality show that has aired on a semi-regular rotation since January 2004, I honestly don't know how I would fare.  Maybe I'd go far.  Maybe I'd win.  Maybe I'd be the first one fired. 

Or maybe I would be so intimidated by Donald Trump that I would run out of Trump Tower in absolute terror and get run over by one of the millions of yellow taxi cabs scattered all over New York City.



Whatever the case, we're going to be talking about "The Apprentice", which airs on NBC. 



These days, the show has been retooled into a celebrity format, in which a group of celebrities (mostly B-list actors, athletes, former child stars, or reality show cast-offs) play the game to raise money for their respective charities.  For instance, the upcoming season of "The Celebrity Apprentice" will feature Geraldo Rivera, Ian Ziering, Lorenzo Lamas, Gilbert Gottfried, Leeza Gibbons, Keshia Knight-Pulliam, and Kate Gosselin, among others. 

That's fine and dandy, but I preferred the show a lot better when Donald Trump hired non-celebrity people to work within his organization.  I liked it better when we saw sixteen successful Americans working towards a goal.  I liked it when George Ross and Carolyn Kepcher were judges. 

All in all, I think that while "Celebrity Apprentice" has breathed new life into the show, I miss the old-fashioned version.



Of the thirteen seasons of "The Apprentice" that have aired, seven have been civilian editions.  The first six seasons, as well as season 10 have featured anywhere from 16-18 candidates competing for a chance to earn a position within Donald Trump's massive business.  It's no secret that Trump is definitely one of the biggest forces in American business today, and like him or not, he does know the business world inside and out. 

The show - which was created by "Survivor" creator Mark Burnett - divides the candidates into two "corporations".  In most cases, the teams are divided up by gender (with one exception being season three, which had a team of high school graduates competing against a team of college graduates).  The teams are expected to come up with a name for their corporation.

TRIVIA:  Past team names included Versacorp, Apex, Net Worth, Capital Edge, Gold Rush, and Kinetic.

In each week, teams would be assigned the same task, and the tasks were all business oriented, and were often sponsored by a pre-existing corporation.  Believe it or not, the very first task that the candidates had to embark on was selling lemonade on the streets of New York City - the same way that a lot of kids get started in the world of business.

Other tasks included coming up with a promotional campaign for Burger King's newest sandwich, filming a commercial for a beauty product, selling products on QVC, creating a new line of action figures for Mattel, designing a line of swimsuits, or even selling carriage rides through Central Park.

Each task also involved the team selecting a "Project Manager" to lead the task and get everything organized.

Winners were determined by how much money the teams made, how clear the message was that was presented in ads, how good the quality was on the items made, and through focus groups and their opinions.  If a team won, they were spared from the boardroom, and in later seasons, the project manager was exempt from getting fired in the following task.  If a team lost, the Project Manager would pick two or three people to join them, in which Donald and crew would decide which one would be fired.

At the end of the show, the final two candidates would embark on a super task, with former contestants coming back to assist in the task. 



And the winners of the show went to work for Donald Trump for a one-year-contract.  In some cases, the contracts were extended.  In the case of first season winner Bill Rancic, he stayed on with the company for quite some time, even subbing in as a judge for George Ross on a few occasions.

Now, over the years, seven people have been hired.  Rancic, Kelly Perdew, Kendra Todd, Randal Pinkett, Sean Yazbeck, Stefani Schaeffer, and Brandy Kuentzel.  But so many more have been fired from the show.

In fact, for the rest of this blog, I thought that I would take a look at some of the most memorable contestants to be fired from "The Apprentice", as well as some of the stupid mistakes that they made to get them the axe.  Believe me, you'll feel better about your own job blunders!



OMAROSA (Season 1)

Would you believe that Omarosa is the only Apprentice candidate to appear on the show a total of three times (she was on season 1, as well as two celebrity editions).  And, would you believe that on all three occasions she was fired, she was fired on a task where she was selling artwork?  You'd have thought that she would have learned the first time.



But all joking aside, Omarosa could very well be considered the very first Apprentice villain to appear on the show.  She was a nightmare to work with.  She accused one contestant of being racist towards her for using the phrase "like the pot calling the kettle black".  She told the team that she had a concussion from a piece of falling drywall hitting her in the head one minute, and the next she was playing basketball with a group of kids.  She clashed with almost every single female on the show.  And when she was assigned to assist Kwame Jackson in his final task to plan a concert for Jessica Simpson, she was such a disaster that many viewers (including myself) believed that she was purposely sabotaging Kwame's chance to win the show.  Personally, I do think that Bill would have won regardless, but Kwame deserved to have a better chance.  Hell, Kwame should have fired Omarosa on the spot!



BRADFORD (Season 2)

Bradford was in a fairly good position at the beginning of the second episode of the second season.  He was asked to go to the women's team to lead them on the first task, and because their team won, he was
exempt from getting fired.  That means that no matter how badly the team did, he could not be fired.

As it happened, the team lost the second task, which was coming up with a new ice cream flavour and selling it on the streets of New York.  And Bradford was extremely confident.  He was so confident that he told Trump that he didn't need his stinking exemption because he had performed well enough on the task that he didn't feel that he was going to be fired.

Silly Bradford.  Trump canned him on the spot for being so foolish.



VERNA (Season 3) and MICHELLE (Season 6)

You want to know what Trump dislikes more than people who give up exemptions?  People who decide to quit the game.  In the cases of Verna and Michelle, they walked away from the game without knowing if they could have made it.  Verna mentally checked out of the game during the show's second task, and by the beginning of task #3, she told the team that she had enough and walked out.  In Michelle's case, she resigned after she lead the team to a colossal failure, and decided that the position she was competing for wasn't worth it.

While I don't believe that quitting is such the sin that Donald Trump makes out to be (sometimes quitting one opportunity can lead to better ones coming along), I can't say I disagree with Donald not having sympathy for them.  After all, they took a spot that thousands of people applied for, and walked away from it.



TANA (Season 3)

This one pains me, because as the third season of the Apprentice drew to a close, Tana was easily considered the favourite.  She was the last member of the Street Smarts team going against Kendra, the last member of the Book Smarts team.  Although Kendra did have more wins as Project Manager than Tana did, Tana took on the responsibility much earlier than Kendra.  And Tana had always been a star on any of the teams she was on.

On the final task, Kendra had to put on a promotion and video game tournament sponsored by Sony PlayStation and Best Buy, while Tana had to put together a presentation for the Olympic committee demonstrating why New York City should host the 2012 Olympics (the show aired in 2005).  And the teammates who came to help Kendra and Tana out were six of the most volatile, uncooperative, uncontrollable contestants to appear on that season.

To compare and contrast:

Kendra's team worked well together with very few disagreements.  They all came together to make the event a success.  Kendra made her teammates feel that they were valued and respected, and in turn, Kendra's team wanted to succeed so that Kendra would get noticed.  The event went off near perfectly, and Kendra developed a new found appreciation for all of them.

Tana immediately asked if she could switch team members with Kendra, and vented to one of the judges about them, calling them the Three Stooges.  She never gave the team any direction, and even made them feel like they were an annoyance.  The end result?  No American flag for the flag presentation, no schedules for any of the people involved, and a brochure that was a complete embarrassment filled with spelling errors and things that should never have been included in a brochure.

Can you see why Trump picked Kendra over Tana?



JOSH, JENNIFER, MARK, JAMES (Season 4)

Now, in most cases, Trump will only fire one person during each boardroom setting.  In a few rare opportunities, he'll get rid of two at once.  In this case, Trump pulled the ultimate Grand Slam and fired FOUR people at once.

All the teams had to do was generate an event to boost sales at Dick's Sporting Goods.  They could choose whatever sport they wanted to feature, and the main goal of the task was to
increase sales at the store.  Notice how I bolded increase sales in that last sentence?

Well, team Capital Edge did just that.  They created a mini golf course inside the store for children while their parents were looking around the store.  Every single team member focused on sales, and as a result, the sales increased by 74%.  A very decent number!



As for team Excel...well, they did anything but.  Sure, their event using a batting cage was a good idea to keep people entertained...but the team spent so much time on the batting cage that they neglected the fact that the task was measuring how much they were SELLING!  In the end, the team had a net LOSS of 34%!  Ouch.  And as a result, the four team members who didn't get a single sale were all given the pink slip.  It remains the most spectacular firing in the history of "The Apprentice".

So, do you have any more people to add to this list that I might have forgotten?  I'd love to hear from you!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

They're Just Allergies

Okay, so I was thinking about possible topics for this week's edition of WHO AM I WEDNESDAY, and there's only one thing that I could think of that I could think of to talk about.  The thing is that the subject matter might seem a little bit dull and/or nerdy.  But if it helps, I have kind of a funny story to tell that will bring us into the topic.

The year was 1992.  I was eleven years old, and I was at an age in which everything around me made me sick.  No kidding.  My fifth grade year which was 1991/1992 was one of those years in which every possible childhood illness that I could have contracted (aside from the chicken pox, which I had gotten back in 1982 when I was a year old), I had.  I probably had half a dozen colds.  My throat was so sore, it's a wonder they didn't remove my tonsils.  I developed cold sores around my lips (no idea how), and on top of all that, I had a severe asthma attack and was kept home from school for almost a whole week as a result of it.

I don't know how much school I missed that year.  It wasn't enough to justify holding me back a year, but it was enough that I was out for quite a bit.

Needless to say, my chronic illnesses concerned my parents and they were trying to find out why I was always so sick.  It got to the point where they made an appointment with an allergy specialist, just to see what was happening.  They speculated that it was maybe a severe allergy to something either at our home or in the environment that kept causing me to get sick.  An appointment was made during the summer, and when I was eleven, I got the test done.



I have no idea how they do allergy tests in the year 2014, but back in the year 1992, allergy tests were done in this fashion.  The doctor giving the test inserted random needles in your arm.  Each needle tip was dipped in a liquid that simulated a particular allergen (grass, moss, pollen, etc).  Once the needles were poked into the arm, the doctor waited a few minutes, and examined the arm again.  Eventually some of the places that were poked with the needle would swell and become itchy.  The larger the swelling, the more potent the allergy.

This method confused me though.  In fact, I had thought that the doctor had made a huge mistake when he did the test because I thought he had inserted a needle right inside of a mosquito bite! 

Alas, that was not the case.  That particular needle made the area swell up so much that it really did look like a gigantic insect bite.  And boy oh boy did that sucker itch!  It was absolute torture because the doctor told me I couldn't scratch it at all!  That was not a fun experience.

So, what was the #1 allergy that caused such a reaction on my arm?



Well, it happened to be from pollen.  Tree pollen to be exact.  And soon my parents had the answer as to why I was so sick most of the time.  You see, most of the time that I was sick, it was always during the months of April through June - the time of year in which tree pollen is most active.  My asthma attack?  It was at the very end of April.  It all makes sense now, doesn't it?  The reason why I was so sick in the spring months was because the tree pollen was making it so. 

Suffice to say, after the allergy test, I had to take a small dose of Reactine or Claritin or some non-prescription allergy relief drug during the spring in order to manage my symptoms.  And for the record, while it wasn't a perfect solution, I certainly was sick a lot less after the test was given.

So, now you know that tree pollen is my top allergy and that the spring months are quite brutal for me.  But again, with allergy pills, I can now go outside and breathe easy!

But tree pollen wasn't the only allergy that I discovered I had.  Although the tree pollen allergy was the most severe, I discovered that I had at least four other allergies.  Three were discovered during the test - the other one was discovered strictly by accident.

So, what else am I allergic to?



STRAWBERRIES

This was the allergy that was not discovered from the test.  This was discovered when I was away at school.  There was a dessert that looked really good.  It was a brownie covered with ice cream and berries.  But after eating it, I developed hives.  Not a pleasant experience.  It took some time and process of elimination to discover that the culprit was strawberries.  Chocolate, cream, blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries were all fine.  The last item was strawberries.  That told me that I couldn't eat them ever again.

For the most part, it's more of an annoying allergy.  You try finding a multipack of yogurt WITHOUT strawberry flavour.  It's quite difficult.



PET DANDER

Fortunately, this is an allergy that I kind of outgrew (or at the very least, the effects were lessened over time).  If I still had the allergy, I would have never have allowed my beloved Ol' Thum into my life (sadly he passed away four years ago this month).  But when I was younger, any animal that came close to me caused me to sneeze uncontrollably.  It was really a downer when I was a kid, as it seemed that every single kid in my class had a pet, but I could never have one because I was allergic.

Well, okay, I suppose that I could have had a goldfish, kimodo dragon, or a tarantula...but those weren't the same...



MOULD

I'm not exactly talking about the blue crusty stuff that grows on bread that you could figuratively transform into penicillin.  I can take penicillin just fine - it was one medicine from my childhood that I actually didn't mind taking as it kind of tasted like a banana milkshake. 

The stuff I mean is the black mould that can grow on the walls of a house or abandoned building.  The stuff that appears as a result of water damage left unsupervised.  That stuff is my second most serious allergy, and I'm pretty sure that if I was exposed to that stuff for an extended period of time, it would be my death warrant.  Nasty, nasty stuff.




DUST

Yes, believe it or not the doctor tested me for dust allergies.  And surprise, surprise, I have an allergy to dust.  So, basically whenever I have to do activities like dusting, I pretty much have to take an allergy pill.  Otherwise I sound as if someone crammed something up my nasal cavities.  It would be an interesting thing to see, but dust is certainly not my friend.

So, here's a question for you.  What are you allergic to?  If anything?