Say,
have any of you ever looked in the newspaper to read those little blurbs known
as police reports? Not all newspapers
publish them, but those that do make a list of all of the times that police
were called on the scene of a potential crime and what time they happened. In most cases, the crimes are petty in
nature, such as a stolen bicycle, or someone being pulled over for speeding.
I
know the hometown newspaper that I grew up with used to actually name
intoxicated drivers that were nabbed in town, and printed their names in the
newspaper!
Well,
sometimes police reports don't always get it right. Either the criminal act is something legal, the person calling
the police does so to complain, or the way the report is written by the
officers themselves, it makes you wonder if they are sane enough to even patrol
the city streets.
And
that's what this blog is all about today.
I've scourged the web for funny police reports, and I've found a baker's
dozen of reports that will make you go "HUH?!?"
Credit
for images goes to 11 Points, ebaumsworld.com, Pinterest, and oddee.com.
Okay. Here we go!
1.
For some reason, I hear the Beatles singing "Help" as I read
this report. Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody...
2.
Look at that. Arresting someone
for doing their job. I suppose that
they'll go after the ice cream man for selling unknown substances!
3. I
think that this woman has bigger problems to worry about - unless this took
place in Colorado, that is.
4.
How big do they make the burritos at Walmart?!?
5. I
have heard that one of the instructors at said school is named Sarah Connor.
6.
Don't you just hate when that happens?
Fortunately, I learned how to set the time on a VCR at the age of
eight. And really, with DVD and Blu-Ray
players on the market, setting the time on a VCR is becoming a lost art.
7.
Something tells me that this lady just received a rude awakening...
8.
Something more exciting than the police having an elk-human
dictionary? That a group of elk is
called a gaggle! I've heard of a gaggle
of geese, but never a gaggle of elk!
I'll have to remember that one!
9.
Well, if the cat was an ocelot or a siberian tiger, that would be a good
reason...
10.
Ducks - A lot tougher than you think.
11.
Just what kind of preservatives do Swanson pot pies have nowadays that
would grant them the ability to walk?
12.
You know, things like that really slip your mind when things get
stressful.
I have to say that I am always fascinated by the longevity that
some artists seem to have regarding the music industry. In an industry which can churn out one album
wonders and one hit wonders, I am absolutely impressed at artists who managed
to have a career lasting 10, 20, 30, even 40 years in the ever-changing world
of music.
So, I thought that for today's blog entry, we would celebrate one
artist whose career has spanned a total of thirty-three years! She's had hits in the 1980s, 1990s, 2000s,
and 2010s.
And coming up in March 2015, she is set to release her thirteenth
studio album.
It's no secret that Madonna has been at the top of the pop music
pyramid for quite some time, and whether you love her or loathe her, you have
to admit that she's managed to find staying power where so many others have
not.
Over the course of her career, Madonna has released twelve studio
albums (her thirteenth album, "Rebel Heart" is set for release on
March 10, 2015), three greatest hits albums, several soundtrack albums, two
documentaries, ten concert videos, and sixty-seven music videos!
And, that's what we're going to talk about today. The music videos of Madonna.
Ever since Madonna released her self-titled debut album in 1982,
she made her music noticeable by creating video masterpieces that have earned
her several MTV Video Music Awards. And
I am old enough to remember when people were absolutely excited over the
prospect of a new Madonna video, as again, whether you loved her or loathed
her, you have to admit that she's a creative genius when it comes to planning
the perfect music video.
But which ones were her best ones? Which ones were the most memorable?
Well, that's a really hard question to answer, but I decide to
take on the challenge. In the spirit of
Madonna's upcoming album, I chose what I think are Madonna's best ten
videos. You can feel free to agree or
disagree with my picks if you like, but I'd like to hear your own thoughts on
the subject.
(Oh, and just to keep the blog PG, I've eliminated the three
videos that were banned from MTV - 1990's "Justify My Love", 1992's
"Erotica", and 2001's "What It Feels Like For A Girl". Not that I find myself offended by them in
the slightest. I just don't want to
take any chances. It's just as well
anyway, since none of those videos made my top 10 anyway.)
(And, some of these videos may not be available to watch online, so I'll post links to the song instead.)
Okay, here we go with #10.
10.
BEDTIME STORY Released: February 13, 1995
From: Bedtime Stories
(1994)
Director: Mark Romanek
The only reason I ranked this video so low is because this isn't
really my favourite Madonna song. But
this single (in which Bjork is credited as a co-writer) has one very complex
and astonishing video that tells all of us that "words are useless,
especially sentences."
Uh, yeah. Maybe just ignore that for a
second.
Anyway, this video cost over $5 million to make, and beginning in
1996, it was featured in an exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art in New York
City.
Again, the song is quite weird, and the video even more so. But it did turn out fantastic. So that's why it's on my list at #10.
I have to admit, the whole "Ray of Light" album was a
departure from Madonna's pop tart infused past...but pleasantly so. The whole album - likely sparked by the
birth of Madonna's first child, Lourdes - showcased a more mature Madonna who
used her newfound association with Kabbalah to create an album that won a lot
of critical acclaim and earned her a lot of respect in the process.
I chose this video as #9 because the song is infectious, and
because the video is quite brilliant in its simplicity. I normally don't like videos that use
green-screen technology, but in this video showing a 24 hour day in four and a
half minutes, it works.
8.
GET TOGETHER
Released: June 6, 2006
From: Confessions on a
Dance Floor (2005)
Director: Logan
This is the most recent Madonna video on my Top 10 list, and
there's a bit of a story behind the creation of this video. The plan was for Madonna to film a video,
but as the single was released during the time that Madonna was on tour, there
was no time to put a video together.
Enter directing/animation team Logan.
They took video recorded from a Madonna performance in London and
animated it to look kind of like that film "A Scanner Darkly". It's very Daft Punk like. And, I have to admit. I like this video a lot.
7.
MUSIC
Released: August 21, 2000
From: Music (2000)
Director: Jonas Akerlund
I suppose Madonna was quite impressed by Jonas Akerlund's work enough
to work with him again in this music video, and really, there's a lot going on
in this video despite the fact that when this video was filmed, Madonna was
heavily pregnant with second child, Rocco.
Hence the need to include an animated sequence in the video. However, the animated sequence provided a
nice little retrospective of Madonna's past.
Get a look at the street signs on each of the buildings. Do any of them look familiar to you?
And, hey, get a load of the cameo that Sacha Baron Cohen makes as
Ali G! If anything, this video helped
get Cohen some attention in the United States.
So, hey, I suppose if you wanted to blame someone for
"Borat", you could indirectly blame Madonna.
6.
MATERIAL GIRL
Released: November 30, 1984
From: Like a Virgin (1984)
Director: Mary Lambert
This is not the first video that Madonna worked on with Mary
Lambert, and it certainly would not be the last. What makes this video work is the irony that is displayed within
the video. Madonna sings about being a
material girl in her throwback to Marilyn Monroe music video, but when the
cameras are off, she doesn't get impressed by expensive gifts. And Keith Carradine manages to impress
Madonna by giving her daisies and taking her out in an old pick-up truck. The twist?
He pays a fortune to rent the truck, proving that we really do live in a
material world.
But that's okay. The video
is playful and funny. And reportedly a
song that Madonna absolutely regrets recording today!
5.
PAPA DON'T PREACH
Released: June 11, 1986
From: True Blue (1986)
Director: James Foley
James Foley directed the videos for the first three singles from
Madonna's "True Blue" album, and this video is my #5 pick of best
Madonna videos of all time. It's
certainly a powerful song, but also very controversial. You see, the subject deals with teen
pregnancy, and Madonna (who is 27 in this video) gets pregnant by her boyfriend
because "Italians Do It Better".
Or something like that. She and
her boyfriend plan on getting married and raising the baby together, but one
obstacle stands in her way - Papa Danny Aiello.
The song certainly divided audiences and the content of the song
caused the Vatican to boycott Madonna after she dedicated the song to Pope John
Paul II! Nevertheless, the video tells
a concrete story from start to finish, and during a time in which some videos
made no sense whatsoever, this video was refreshing.
4.
BAD GIRL
Released: February 22,
1993
From: Erotica (1992)
Director: David Fincher
I'll come right out and say it.
David Fincher has probably made some of the best videos that Madonna has
ever done. We're at #4, and I have two
more videos directed by him on this list.
So, why did I put "Bad Girl" - a song that flopped on
the Billboard charts - so high on the list?
Well, I absolutely love videos that tell a story, and this video depicts
the tragic life of a woman who drifts from man to man while dealing with an
addiction to cigarettes and alcohol. It
certainly is one of the more depressing videos she has done, but the
cinematography that Fincher uses throughout the whole video makes it a
masterpiece to behold.
And, hey, Christopher Walken is Madonna's guardian angel! Enough said.
3.
EXPRESS YOURSELF
Released: May 9, 1989
From: Like a Prayer (1989)
Director: David Fincher
I think that if I had to pick just one Madonna album to listen to
over and over again, it would be "Like a Prayer". At the time, it was Madonna's most personal
album, and the track listing was arranged in such a way that you never really
knew what you were going to get.
Such as this single about empowerment and not settling for second
best. Considering that this single was
released just months after divorcing Sean Penn, this single could have been
Madonna's new anthem.
And this video - based on the 1928 film "Metropolis" -
was eye candy right from the very beginning.
Three black cats, half a dozen costume changes, and a controversial shot
of Madonna chained to a bed certainly had everyone talking. And it was the most expensive music video of
the 1980s, costing five million dollars...which she likely got from...oh, well,
let's hold onto that thought for a minute.
2.
VOGUE
Released: March 20, 1990
From: I'm Breathless (1990)
Director: David Fincher
This could be one of Madonna's signature hits. She performed this song at every concert
since the Blond Ambition tour, she performed it at the Super Bowl in 2012, and
it hit #1 in practically half of the planet in May 1990.
I think part of it comes from the fact that the video was a black
and white celebration of old school Hollywood, combined with the modern
1980s/1990s dance style known as "voguing".
(Which to me is basically pretending to be a mime stuck in a box
moving in perfect time to the music, but I digress.)
Interesting fact. The song was
originally a B-side to Madonna single "Keep It Together", but record
executives felt it too good to be a B side, so the single was added to the
"Dick Tracy" soundtrack, which starred both Madonna and Warren
Beatty. Interestingly enough, both of
them embarked on a passionate love affair during the filming of the movie.
Sadly, none of the sixteen celebrities that Madonna name drops in
the song are alive. The last of the
bunch, Lauren Bacall, died in August of last year.
1.
LIKE A PRAYER
Released: March 3, 1989
From: Like a Prayer (1989)
Director: Mary Lambert
Yeah, remember how I said that "Express Yourself" was
the most expensive music video of the 1980s, and how we wondered how Madonna
got the five million bucks to pay for it?
Well, Madonna inked a deal with Pepsi back in 1989 which saw Madonna
make a television commercial for Pepsi while promoting her newest single
"Like a Prayer" which earned her five million bucks.
The commercial was pulled after the video for "Like a
Prayer" was released, probably because of the religious imagery that is
featured in the video, and Madonna dancing in front of burning crosses, and
other things that got people riled up.
However, I list this video as my favourite Madonna video because it got
people talking, and it actually delivers a powerful message dealing with racism
and doing the right thing. Seriously,
just watch the video in its entirety and make your own mind up. I think it's creative artistry at its
finest, and this video was powerful, yet crystal clear in the message it
delivered.
Okay,
okay. I promised I would be optimistic
about Valentine's Day, and so I've made a special Valentine themed logo just
for today.
How
do you like it?
This also happens to be the conclusion of the special pop culture themed week
with a Valentine's Day twist, and for the finale of love week, I thought I'd
choose a movie that celebrates true love.
But
what movie do I choose? Even though I'm
no longer an electronics sales associate, I do know that when I did work there,
there was no shortage of romance films.
Heck, "Fifty Shades of Grey" was just released yesterday at
the box office, which I am sure has gotten the attention of a lot of people -
specifically those who have read the book series.
Yeah,
I don't think I'm ready to go THAT raunchy for a Saturday movie discussion.
In
fact, I'll be totally honest with you.
I am not a huge fan of romance films.
I find most of them sappy, unbelievable melancholic, and predictable. I would not make it through films like
"The Fault In Our Stars", "If I Stay", "The
Notebook", or "A Walk To Remember". If anything, they'd be a good cure for insomnia for me. Not my cup of tea.
But
I suppose if there is one type of romance film that I could stomach, it's one
where there's an underdog. One that you
want to see get the girl, the home, the dream job, and the new baby at the
film's conclusion. Someone who struggled
their whole life to find a place where they could belong and succeeded in finding
their happily ever after. Those films I
could get behind. I think that's one of
the reasons why I enjoyed "Shrek" so much.
In
fact, I was thinking of a particular movie that would be absolutely perfect to
watch on Valentine's Day, and one that seems to celebrate the underdog, so to
speak. And the best part? It's a film that is suitable for all
ages. From age three to 103, if you
like.
Yes,
today's film is an animated movie produced by Walt Disney. But it is such a classic film, and one that I
could watch over and over.
And
to think that the stars of this film are a couple of dogs.
Yes,
this is the story of a cocker spaniel named Lady and a homeless mutt named
Tramp.
(And,
I suppose I should clarify, the movie refers to a tramp as being a vagabond,
not a prostitute.)
Anyway,
let's talk about "Lady and the Tramp", a film that was
first released in theatres on June 22, 1955!
The fifteenth animated feature film in a long line of Disney animated
features, this film is very much a poor boy meets rich girl tale - only with
dogs as the main characters. The story
is a love story in which both Lady and Tramp become smitten with each other,
and how both have major obstacles to face in order to be with the one they
love.
Ah,
but, I'm getting ahead of myself here.
All
right, so the film is set long before the 1950s. 1909, to be exact. Jim
Dear surprises his wife Darling...
...wait. That would make her name Darling Dear. Oh dear.
Ahem. Anyway, Jim surprises his Darling with a
beautiful Christmas morning present. A
lovable cocker spaniel named Lady. And,
not once do we ever see Jim or Darling take Lady outside to do her business, so
she must be well trained!
Lady
is treated like a...well, lady, by the Darlings, and she grown up having a very
happy life. That is until something
happens and Lady begins to grow a little bit insecure.
You
see, Jim and Darling decide to have a little bit of fun one night (not seen in
the movie, of course), and the next thing you know, they are expecting a new
baby. And Lady isn't sure that having a
new baby come into the family is such a good idea. She talks to her friends Trusty and Jock about the situation and
they try to talk to her about it.
However, a stray dog named Tramp happens to wander into Lady's yard, and
offers up his opinion that "when the baby moves in, the dog moves
out", which naturally angers Jock and Trusty, and causes Lady to doubt her
place in the world even more.
It
is a relief when the baby is born because Lady befriends the child and they
become quite fond of each other. But
another challenge presents itself with Jim and Darling deciding that they need
a vacation. They call in Aunt Sarah to
watch Lady and the new baby, and let's just say it's fairly obvious that Aunt
Sarah lacks people skills. And what she
lacks in understanding people, she lacks even more in understanding animals.
Really,
the only animals that Aunt Sarah likes are her two Siamese cats named Si and Am
- my nomination for two of the most annoying characters to ever appear in a
Disney movie.
Though,
I do admit. Peggy Lee did a fantastic
job with the song "We Are Siamese".
Anyway,
even though Si and Am are responsible for the damages inside the Darling home,
Aunt Sarah blames Lady, and decides to punish her by buying her a muzzle! This proves too much for Lady, and she
decides to run away to get away from the awful Aunt Sarah once and for all.
But
Lady was...shall we say, sheltered, and she never really knew that there were
any bad dogs in the world at all. So
when she happens to come across a pack of wild stray dogs, she is extremely
frightened.
That
is, until Tramp comes along and not only rescues her from the pack, but enlists
the aid of a beaver to help remove Lady's muzzle. From there, Tramp takes Lady on a tour of his world which
includes dinner at an Italian restaurant and this classic scene.
Awwww...isn't
that sweet!
However,
no love story would be complete without conflict, and when Lady is caught by
the dogcatcher and the other female dogs in the truck inform her that Tramp
is...well...a tramp, Lady is heartbroken and refuses to see him again. But when an evil creature breaks into the
Darling family home, can Lady put aside her differences with Tramp and work
together to save the baby from being harmed?
Well,
I suppose the fact that a direct to video sequel was released in 2001 means
that the resolution for Lady and Tramp was a good one.
Anyway,
here's some trivia about this movie, and I was extremely shocked at #1 on this
list!
1 - The spaghetti scene that defined "Lady and the Tramp"? Walt Disney almost left that scene on the
cutting room floor! Thank goodness he
changed his mind!
2 -
The opening scene in which Darling opens up the hat box to find Lady inside was
reportedly based on a real life incident in which Walt bought his wife a puppy
after forgetting a dinner date with her!
3 -
Peggy Lee's casting was really the first instance in a Disney film in which a
"superstar" was cast. As some
know, Peggy Lee was a huge recording star who gave us the hit single
"Fever".
4 -
In the movie, Lady is supposed to be the same age as a human in their early
20's. In real life, Barbara Luddy who
voiced Lady, was almost 50.
5 -
At the time of the film's release, it was the highest grossing Disney cartoon
since "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs".
6 -
Lee Millar plays the role of Jim Dear.
Lee's mother, Verna Felton, voiced Aunt Sarah.
7 -
Originally, Tramp's name was supposed to be Homer. Somehow, Lady and the Homer doesn't have that nice ring to
it. Sounds more like an episode title
that the Simpsons would use!
8 -
Si and Am were originally going to be called Nip and Tuck.
9 -
Peggy Lee launched a lawsuit against Disney in 1988 for breach of contract,
claiming that she still retained rights to the transcripts of the film. The lawsuit was settled in 1991 with Lee
walking away with $2.3 million!
10
- This was the first full-length animated movie to be made in widescreen
format.
Well,
I've almost made it the entire week without being too negative about Valentine's Day. I must be getting soft in my
old age.
Or,
maybe I just don't care to hold a negative attitude towards things any
longer. Yeah, I like that answer
better.
Anyway,
it's the day before Valentine's Day, but it's also the first FOODIE FRIDAY post that I've done in...oh...six months now? I guess I just kind of lost interest in
talking about food because I had such a limited supply of topics to choose
from.
But
since tomorrow is a day of love, I thought I would use this space to talk about
some of the foods that one might enjoy best around this time of year.
Specifically,
Valentine's Day candy.
Certainly,
the candy industry is huge right around this time of year. Did you know that approximately 48% of all
gifts purchased for Valentine's Day include some form of candy? And that approximately $1.1 billion will be
spent on Valentine's Day chocolates and candy this year? That's a lot of cavities!
And
keep in mind that not all candies are limited to the ones found in heart-shaped
boxes. Here are five different candies
that one might be given on Valentine's Day.
I know that whenever we had Valentine's Day parties at school, I sampled
most of these at one point. Some were
delicious, others not so much. But you
couldn't have Valentine's Day without them.
CINNAMON HEARTS
Okay,
let me start by saying that I am not a fan of cinnamon. I am not a really big fan of hot foods to
begin with, but something about cinnamon hearts makes me want to be in close
proximity to a water fountain.
That
said, I can make an exception for Valentine's Day. I can probably eat a couple of them here and there, but I would
definitely not gorge on them. I don't
really want to go around with my mouth on fire, even though cinnamon is just as
good of a breath freshener as peppermint (which I like a lot better).
Yeah,
that's something I want to invent.
Peppermint hearts. They could be
like cinnamon hearts, only white in colour.
Make it happen, candy companies all over the world! Make it happen.
CONVERSATION HEARTS
Really,
the only candy I dislike more than cinnamon hearts are conversation
hearts. At first glance, they look good
enough to eat. They come in an
assortment of pastel colours and they have all sorts of really neat messages on
them from "BE MINE" to "I LOVE YOU" to "YOU BROKE MY
HEART YOU IGNORANT BASTARD".
(Actually,
I made that last one up.)
Certainly
if you want to send a message to the one you love, conversation hearts are a
fine method to express that love. If
anything, I even think that there are places out there that you could design
your own messages.
It's
just too bad that the majority of conversation hearts taste like an antacid
tablet. Total chalky mess! The only ones that I could even stomach are
the ones made by SweeTarts.
And
speaking of which...
GUMMY CANDY HEARTS
I
have always been a huge fan of gummy candies, and just in time for Valentine's
Day, they have entire tubs of gummy candies available for sale. Of course, some are cinnamon flavoured
(which I try to avoid), but some are a delicious cherry flavour, which I
absolutely love. Some are of the same
consistency as a gummy bear, while others are more like a gumdrop, but
regardless, either one is fine with me.
HERSHEY AND REESE CHOCOLATES
For
the record, when it comes to chocolate I am not very fussy. I can handle the really expensive stuff, and
I can handle the stuff you might find on sale at Dollar Tree. To me, chocolate is chocolate is chocolate.
And
certainly some of the names that you see on display during Valentine's Day
would be Hershey and Reese. Of course,
Hershey has the market cornered on holiday confectionaries. After all, there's a Hershey's kiss for
every single holiday on the calendar, and Valentine's Day is no exception. Where else can you find bags of Hershey's
Kisses in red and white wrapping?
(Well,
aside from Christmas, anyway.)
But
Hershey also makes a Valentine's version of their miniature chocolates as
well. And you can't have a Valentine's
Day party without mini Reese Peanut Butter Cups. Well, unless you're allergic to nuts, that is.
LINDOR CHOCOLATES
But, for an occasional treat, I have to say,
Lindor chocolates are definitely very delicious indeed. There's really not a flavour that I don't
like of these delicious chocolates. But
they are really expensive. A three pack
costs almost two bucks! But soooooooo
worth it!
Of course...if one were to wait until February 15, all that candy would go on sale for 50% off...hmmmmm...
Okay,
I know this is old news by now, but who caught the "Saved By The
Bell" reunion on "The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon" a few days
ago?
*raises
hand*
And,
who thought that it was the coolest thing ever?
*raises hand again*
And,
who was more stunned that Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Tiffani Thiessen, Elizabeth
Berkley, and Mario Lopez pretty much looked exactly the same in 2015 as they
did back in 1990?!?
*raises hand exhuberantly*
Yeah,
it was really cool to see five-sevenths of the original cast (including Dennis
Haskins as Mr. Belding, but excluding Dustin Diamond and Lark Voorhies) come on
the show to give Jimmy Fallon his dream of reuniting the "Saved By The
Bell" cast. All of us know that
he's attempted a reunion with the cast for years, even settling for a
"California Dreams" reunion when some cast members could not be
reached. So, I was happy for him to see
it come true.
And,
kudos to the set designers for building an exact replica of the Bayside High
hallway (which I presume was disassembled in 1999 upon the ending of
"Saved By The Bell: The New Class").
Really, the whole reunion segment turned out very well, and everyone who
was a part of it should be very proud.
But
you know, it's been over 20 years since the original series went off the air,
and with Valentine's Day being a couple of days from now, I thought
about all of the various couples that formed and broke up during the course of
the show. And it gave me the idea for a
post.
Mind
you, this post is just based on opinion, but I look at all the characters of
"Saved By The Bell", and I wonder who each character's perfect match
should be and who they ended up with.
Let's
begin with the star of the show, shall we?
Now, many people automatically assume that Zack Morris is the player of the
show. The guy who can get any girl he
wants before he can freeze time with his "Time Out" gesture. And certainly, Zack has had his pick of
women at Bayside High. But, here's the
thing about Zack. When he finally
"goes steady" with someone, he is fiercely loyal to them. I suppose I can understand how he ended up
marrying Kelly at the end of the original series because Kelly is more or less
the same way. Zack and Kelly could
basically represent the poster children for monogamy (well, aside from the time
that Kelly cheated on Zack with that sleazy manager of The Max, but no fan of
the show really likes to talk about that moment.)
But,
here's an unpopular opinion. I get that
Zack and Kelly were endgame. They were
pretty much edited that way since "Saved By The Bell" debuted on NBC
in 1989. However, I thought that Zack
had more chemistry with his next-door neighbour Jessie Spano.
I
mean, think about it. Jessie and Zack
have supposedly known each other since they were little kids, and Zack and
Jessie trust each other enough to enter each other's bedrooms through their
windows. I don't see Kelly and Lisa
climbing a tree to visit Zack, do you?
Screech, yes. Kelly and Lisa,
no.
And,
whenever Zack screws up and gets all of his friends mad at him, Jessie is
almost always the first one to forgive him.
And, who could forget the time when Zack helped Jessie get through her
addiction to drugs?
(Well, okay, they were caffeine pills that had Jessie belting out old Pointer
Sisters classics in a deranged manner, but still...)
I
don't know...I guess there's a part of me that thought that Zack and Jessie
were good together.
So,
where does that leave Slater? Well,
Slater and Jessie were an on-again, off-again couple, much like Zack and Kelly
were. But I could believe that Zack and
Kelly really cared about each other.
Slater and Jessie just seemed to be randomly thrown together, and
although Mario Lopez and Elizabeth Berkley worked well together and are
obviously really close...I just didn't really buy the Slater and Jessie
relationship. I know they say that
opposites attract, but Slater and Jessie were just too opposite. It was like Slater was peanut butter and
Jessie was ketchup.
Now,
Slater and Kelly, on the other hand? I
could easily see them as a couple more so than Slater and Jessie. After all, Slater and Kelly were both
athletic, they were both average students, and they both had tons of school
spirit. On paper, Slater and Kelly
seemed to work better than Slater and Jessie.
But, again, it's really all a moot point, as all four actors who played
Zack, Jessie, Kelly, and Slater seem really close.
We
all know that of all the people on "Saved By The Bell", one person
seemed to be left out of the romance plots.
Someone really never had the chance to date anyone for more than one
episode at a time.
Surprisingly,
it isn't Screech. We'll get to him a
little later.
Can
you remember Lisa dating anyone for more than one show? I know I can't. I know she kissed Zack once and this lead to Zack and Lisa embarking
on a relationship, but we never really saw that unfold.
(Interestingly
enough, Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Lark Voorhies were reportedly a couple for most
of the show's run in real life!)
But
really, Lisa was sort of relegated to gal pal on the show. She could easily offer solutions to Kelly
and Jessie's love life problems, but never really did anything about her
own.
Mind
you, she was the target of affection for Screech, who basically did everything
legally possible to get close to her without getting harassment charges placed
against him. Lisa was definitely a lot
more patient with Screech than most women would be, that's for sure. I mean, sure, deep down inside, Lisa adored
Screech...but only as a friend. A
distant friend. Nothing more, nothing less.
But
how sad is it that Screech seemed to have more solid relationships with women
than Lisa had with men? I think it all
began with Screech falling in love with Violet Bickerstaff - played memorably
by Tori Spelling pre-90210. Violet only
appeared in a couple of episodes, but Screech was smitten with her for all of
her appearances. He even forgot about
Lisa while he was dating her. But then
Violet moved to Beverly Hills, and Screech went right back to stalking Lisa.
The
funny thing about Screech is that while he never really fell in love while he
was a student at Bayside High, that changed when he became Mr. Belding's
administrative assistant in "Saved By The Bell: The New Class".
Let's see...he fell in love with the school nurse, the daughter of a
country club member, a girl at a yogurt shop, a substitute teacher...wow,
Screech was kind of a whore in the New Class episodes, wasn't he?
And
yet, none of the New Class romances worked.
I think he was still mourning the fact that the one woman he loved most
(Lisa) was the one woman he would never get.
Anyway, that's my take on love and romance on
"Saved By The Bell". What are
your thoughts?
You
know, it's been a really long time since I sat down and wrote an actual diary
entry in this blog.
Okay,
so granted, this whole blogging experiment which has lasted almost four years
has been an ongoing work in progress to try and make sense of who I am, where
I'm going, and who I want with me in my corner as I continue to learn more
about this crazy little thing called life.
One
of those things that I have learned is simple.
I don't really need anyone else to make me happy. I find that if one really lets themselves
feel it, they can make themselves happy.
As
we approach Valentine's Day, that statement could not be more true.
February 11, 2015
You know, I remember the very moment I
decided that I wanted to start writing every single thing that I was thinking
about at any given moment.
I remember the very thing that kicked off the
beginning of "A Pop Culture Addict's Guide To Life".
I had just turned thirty years old, and I had
just gotten over a potentially serious health scare. It certainly was a very confusing time in my life, and a scary
one as well. But somehow, I knew that
everything would turn out just fine.
Now that I am almost thirty-four, I think
that life is finally beginning to make a lot more sense than it has ever
been. I think a huge part of that comes
from some of the things that I have done over the course of the last four
years. I've changed jobs a few times,
I've re-evaluated social circles, I've cut out people who could best be described
as toxic, and I've really started to look at things in a more positive manner.
However, one constant that has always been
evident is the fact that I've had to do all of these things alone. I've never really had someone who I can
really consider a "significant other", let alone a wife, partner, or
better half. I've basically been
trucking along by myself.
And, I'll be honest. There was a time in which I absolutely hated
being single. When everyone else was
settling down and starting families, I have to admit, there were times in which
I wanted that too. I felt as though
everyone else was moving on and I was getting left behind. Believe me, it's a feeling that I know all
too well.
I hate to say this now, but looking back on
it, I did have a "why not me" attitude towards the world. I wondered why everyone else seemed to get
everything they wanted, and I had to settle for the scraps left over. I felt like Little Oliver, holding the empty
bowl at the counter, whimpering "Please, sir. I want some more".
Not really the best attitude to go through
life with, I concur.
I also believe that my extreme dislike for
all things Valentine's Day stems from that attitude that I had. The attitude that because everyone else is
falling in love and I'm not, then I will take it out on Saint Valentine himself
and become extremely cynical about hearts and flowers and teddy bears that sing
Madonna's "Cherish" to you over and over.
That was then. What about now?
To be honest, I'm okay with not having found
"the one" yet. I honestly
don't know if there is a "one" in my lifetime. But would it be the end of the world if I
never find "the one"? At this
point in my life, I'm going to have to say no.
Because even though there was a time in which
I was upset that everyone else was hooking up, I know that back then, I was
nowhere near ready both emotionally and financially to maintain a long-term
relationship with anybody. And, at
nearly 34, I still don't feel that way.
I honestly don't think that I would - at this point in my life - make a
good husband to any woman because I'm still trying to find out what I like best
about me. It has been a lifelong
struggle for me my entire life, and it's still continuing. And while I know that some people tell me
that I need to put myself out more (they're right, by the way), I'm not
comfortable with that just yet. Things
are starting to come together, and life is starting to make more sense as I
embark on some new adventures and new challenges.
But I need to feel 100% secure about myself
and what I can bring to a relationship, because I don't think it would be fair
to any woman embarking in a relationship with a man who is incredibly insecure
about his own feelings and his own self.
I don't want to be absolutely perfect (nobody ever is, and perfection is
boring anyway), but I do need to feel absolutely certain that I can bring the
best of myself before I find someone else to share my life with me.
Until then, I'm happy being a single.
But let's clarify. I mean single
as in one body, not single as in those processed cheese slices that Kraft
makes. Although those slices can be
great on burgers and the occasional club sandwich...
Welcome
to another edition of the Tuesday Timeline! And this week, I've decided that I would try to look at
Valentine's Day with a smidgen bit more positivity than I have in past
years.
And
when I say a smidgen, I mean just that.
A smidgen. Let's put it this
way. I don't expect to be singing love
songs at the top of my lungs, buying flowers for every single girl in the
world, or filling my underwear drawer with silk boxer shorts with little red
and pink hearts all over them.
However,
I have been accused in the past of being almost as cranky as Grumpy Cat when it
comes to Valentine's Day, and to be honest with you, being grumpy on a day
about love isn't really worth it in the end.
So, that's why I'm trying - and believe me when I say it - to look at the
day with a little more positivity.
And
that's why for today's blog entry, I've chosen a subject that could very well
fit in with the spirit of Valentine's Day.
It might be one that is incredibly cheesy in nature, but I imagine that
for quite a few people, today's Tuesday Timeline topic played a role in their
Valentine's Day celebrations of the past.
We
do have some things to take care of first though as Valentine's Week
continues. Let's see what else happened
on February 10...
1355 - Almost one hundred lose their lives in Oxford,
England during the St. Scholastica's Day Riot
1840 - Queen Victoria marries Prince Albert of
Saxe-Coburg-Gotha
1861 - Jefferson Davis is notified by telegram that he
has been chosen as the President of the Confederate States of America
1870 - The YWCA is founded in New York City
1906 - The HMS Dreadnought is christened and launched by
King Edward VII
1933 - Primo Carnera knocks out Ernie Schaff during a
boxing match held at Madison Square Garden in the thirteenth round; Schaff
would die of his injuries four days later
1942 - Glenn Miller becomes the first person to have a
certified gold record for "Chattanooga Choo Choo"
1957 - "Little House on the Prairie" author
Laura Ingalls Wilder dies at the age of 90
1971 - Carole King releases "Tapestry"
1978 - Van Halen releases their debut self-titled album
1981 - Eight die and another 198 are injured as fire
breaks out at the Las Vegas Hilton Hotel and Casino
1996 - The IBM supercomputer "Deep Blue"
defeats Garry Kasparov in chess for the first time
2000 - Actor Jim Varney dies of cancer at the age of 50
2001 - Actor Lewis Arquette dies at the age of 65
2014 - Actress/singer/ambassador Shirley Temple Black
dies at the age of 85
And
for celebrity birthdays, here are the famous faces turning one year older
today; Leontyne Price, Robert Wagner, Roberta Flack, Adrienne Clarkson, Peter Purves, Harold Sylvester, Mark Spitz, Jim Cramer, Greg Norman, Alexander Payne, George Stephanopoulos, Lenny Dykstra, Glenn Beck, Laura Dern, Vince Gilligan, Elizabeth Banks, Scott Elrod, Keeley Hawes, Holly Willoughby, Jade Ramsey, Bunmi Mojekwu, Emma Roberts, Chloe Grace Moretz, and Tiffany Espensen.
So,
what date are we going back in time to?
Well, how about the tail end of the decade that brought us discotheques,
bell bottoms, and 8-track tapes?
Yeah. How about February 10, 1979? That
sounds like a good date to visit. Truth
be told, I've been meaning to do a seventies style timeline entry for a while
now. For some reason, that decade seems
to get serious neglect.
So,
what do I remember about 1979? Well,
nothing. I was minus two years old,
after all. But, judging by what I have
heard about 1979, it seemed to be the year of disco music!
Take
a look at the #1 songs of 1979, if you will.
Now, towards the end of the year, we start seeing some rock songs
appearing on the charts by The Knack, The Eagles, and Styx. But get a load at the number of songs that
are disco on the charts! Of course, we
all know that 1979 was the year in which people began to rebel against disco
music and that may have lead to the sudden drop in disco fans. I'd say that by 1981, disco was officially
in the graveyard.
But
1979 could be considered the last hurrah of classic disco music. After all, that year, it seemed as though
almost everybody was taking their turn at releasing a disco album.
And
believe me, I mean EVERYONE.
In
fact, one singer - who previously was known for blues-oriented rock singles
such as "Maggie May", "Tonight's The Night", and "Hot
Legs", decided that he would jump on the disco bandwagon and release a
single that was flavoured with a disco twist.
That
gamble paid off, for it hit the #1 spot on the Billboard charts thirty-six
years ago today.
ARTIST: Rod Stewart SONG: Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?
ALBUM: Blondes Have More Fun
DATE RELEASED: November
10, 1978
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS: #1 for 4 weeks
Yes,
Rod Stewart decided to do a disco album, simply because a lot of others were
doing it too - and he became the subject of much backlash because of it.
I
suppose that it didn't help much that people were beginning to tire of the
disco scene in 1979, but many people saw Stewart's switch to disco as
sacrilegious. They couldn't believe
that Stewart would "sell out" and they blasted him for it. But, Rod Stewart was hardly the only one who
tried recording disco music. One could
argue that Michael Jackson's 1979 album "Off The Wall" could be
considered a disco album as well with singles like "Rock With You",
and "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough". Or, how about The Rolling Stones and their disco infused single
"I Miss You"? Certainly they
made the disco theme work for them, and they ended up having huge hits.
If
anything, the song could actually be considered a parody of disco, as "Da
Ya Think I'm Sexy?" could easily be considered one of the cheesiest music
videos ever made. And, I've seen Right
Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy"!
And
certainly this sultry and sexy single by Rod Stewart was a huge hit, not just
in the United States, but also in the United Kingdom, Canada, and
Australia. I can only imagine many
people over the years spinning this track during a night of...well...you know.
But
there's so much more to this song than just being an auditory aphrodisiac. It's also a single that provided a benefit
for children in third world countries!
All the royalties that this song has ever made were donated to the
children's charity UNICEF! Stewart himself
performed this single at the January 1979 Music for UNICEF Concert.
I
don't quite understand the link between raising money for children with a song
asking someone else if they find them sexy, but whatever works, right?
Of
course, this song did bring a lot of people onto the dance floor in their
platform shoes and tube tops. But it
also brought about a little bit of controversy - not for the subject of the
song, but for claims that Rod Stewart had committed copyright infringement
while recording the single. Brazilian
musician Jorge Ben Jor made the claim that Stewart had used elements from his
single "Taj Mahal" to create "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" without
asking permission to do so. And
although the lawsuit was settled amicably, Stewart later revealed in his 2012
autobiography that he unconsciously plagiarized some parts of "Taj Mahal".
You
know what? You be the judge. Below is Ben Jor's single "Taj
Mahal" released six years before "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?". Notice any similarities?
One
final footnote to add before I close the book on another Tuesday Timeline
entry. In some countries, this single
actually charted twice. Once in 1979,
of course. But eighteen years later in
1997, British dance group N-Trance remixed the single and it charted once more
in Australia and the UK. It even topped
the charts in New Zealand! And we'll
close off this look back with the remixed version by N-Trance.
A remixed version of a song that became a #1 hit
thirty-six years ago today.