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Monday, May 30, 2016

A "Prom"-ise to the BCI Class of 2000

The more I thought about it, the more I want to write this here.  At 35, I hold no regrets.  I have no desire to try and sugarcoat things any longer, and I definitely don't want to rebuild any bridges that I may have wanted to build after setting them ablaze some sixteen years ago. 

The first thing I am going to say is that this piece is directed towards a group of people in general.  If you just happen to be one of these people and you happen to be friends with me or have me friended on Facebook...chances are this note will not apply to any of you, and you can continue to drink your coffee, read the paper, or bury your children in the sandbox.  Whatever floats your boat.

To the rest of you.  Pay close attention.  In all likelihood, this will be the last thing that I ever say to any of you.

You know, I was actually inspired to write this post after overhearing a few of my workplace colleagues talking about the prom.  In my department, I'm almost considered middle-aged, as some of the people are older than I am, and many of the others are high school seniors.  But that in itself is not a bad thing, as I get along with mostly everyone in my department.

And many of you probably know that the end of May and the beginning of June is designated as prom season.  Some schools in my area have already had their proms, and some still have yet to hold them.  But essentially a prom is blowing hundreds of dollars on some fancy gown or rented tuxedo, dancing in the middle of a hall filled with balloons, crepe paper, and dangling silver stars that the dance committee spent hours making, and for some people getting drunk off of the spiked island punch. 

At least, that's how I imagine that prom would have been like for me.  I never went to mine.  Unless you consider the grad party where the only time I really did anything was when I sang "Love Shack" during the karaoke portion of the evening...and that was only because I was dared to do it.  But I don't really consider that a prom because there was no dancing.  I don't even think there was a cake!  Can any of the four people who I still keep in touch with from high school tell me if there was cake?  If so, I never got any.

But it wasn't just prom that I turned my back on in high school.  Truth is, I never really did much of anything in high school. 



See this building?  Some of you will recognize it right away.  But to the majority of you who have no idea, I'll tell you.  This is Brockville Collegiate Institute, located in Brockville, Ontario, Canada.  This is the place where I attended high school from September 1995 until June 2000 (remember, back in the days in which I was a student, we still had the OAC year in Ontario).  And this was the place in which I can legitimately say without a shadow of a doubt that I absolutely hated the most in my entire life.

Let's put it like this.  Whoever tells you that high school is the best period of your life is either lying, extremely shallow, or Al Bundy squeezing a size 9 foot inside a size 4 shoe at the local shoe store.

If your high school experience is what you make of it, then I'm afraid I didn't make much of it.  It wasn't always the case though.  When I first started high school and entered grade nine, I was really excited to be a part of a new school, and I wanted to have the ultimate high school experience that was filled with dances, parties, football games, school clubs...and yes, even homework assignments.  But by the time I was in my final year of school, the only thing that came true was the homework part.



For the entire time I was a student at BCI, I never truly felt like I belonged.  I was a fish out of water, so to speak.  In a school filled with Red Rams, I was totally the Black Sheep.  In a way it seemed fitting though.  Red and black were our school colours.

And why did I see myself as the black sheep of BCI's Class of 2000?  Well, I'd say that there were many reasons.  I always felt as though I never measured up to the rest of the school.  I was a kid from a working class background who knew how much the value of a dollar was and became a master of stretching it to its brink.  In comparison, many of the students that attended BCI at that time seemed more materialistic, snobbish, and holier-than-thou.  Maybe it was just how I perceived it, but I always felt that the majority of people at my school looked down at me as if they questioned why a scrub like me would dirty up their school.  And believe me, some were extremely vocal about it too.

I never forgot the time that some kids decided to decorate my locker with some of the biggest balloons that they could find.  Sounds nice, right?  Well, two things were wrong.  One, it wasn't my birthday.  And two, somehow they found out that I had a sensitivity to loud noises that caused me to burst into tears every time a balloon popped.  I guess they were using the opportunity to get some free entertainment at my expense.

The frustrating thing about it was that none of these boys - believe me, I refuse to call them men - even knew who I was.  They were just going on hearsay from some friends of theirs who knew me, and who didn't like me.  But I suppose that was par for the course when it came to the BCI Class of 2000.  For all the preaching that they did about being welcoming to all students, I certainly never felt welcome. 

And you know, I didn't deserve that.  I still don't feel that all these years later I deserved the horrible treatment that I got from the majority of the Class of 2000 at BCI.  I didn't deserve to be the target of a smear campaign from kids who knew me from grade school and who wanted my high school life to be a living nightmare.  I didn't deserve to be shunned and ignored by most of you because I didn't wear designer clothes, looked like a Backstreet Boy, or wasn't perceived as cool because I was the chubbiest kid in the class.  I especially didn't deserve to have my belongings inside my locker set on fire because you all thought it was the funniest thing ever even though that event triggered a depression so severe that it brought me social anxiety and made me almost do something at age sixteen that I look back on with regret.  



I didn't deserve any of that.  And yet, BCI Class of 2000...that's what you gave me.  EVERY DAMN DAY. 

The sad thing is that I look back on that time, and I realize that most of you were horrible, bratty CHILDREN who mistakenly believed that they were the best high school students in the world and that you would be popular the rest of your lives.  Guess what?  You weren't popular with me.  And, while I realize that I was the one member of the Class of 2000 that you never really saw as much of anything...believe me...my voice and my thoughts counted, even though you were too absorbed in your fat egos to really notice.

You know what the real shameful thing about all of this was?  The shameful thing is that despite how badly the majority of you thought of me...I still thought the majority of you were worth getting to know.  The more you treated me like dirt, the more that I wanted to understand why. 

I suppose there was a part of me that felt that if I could sit down and have a one-on-one talk with all of you, I could understand what it was about me that was so repulsive and so horrible that it would justify you freezing me out and treating me so terribly.  I honestly would have listened to what you had to say if you had just given me the chance to reach out to you. 

But that's just it.  Most of you never really knew me at all.  You were so co-dependent on the people that you hung around with that you closed yourself off to those who were new and who just wanted some assurance that maybe there was a place for them after all.  And it's not just school that this happens at.  I can think of a few workplaces (including my own) where this happens all the time, and it's not a good feeling no matter how old you are.

I guess looking back on it, that's the main reason why I just saw BCI as a place where I went for seven hours to learn about things that really had no bearing on my current life now, and went home.  I never did any sports, clubs, activities, or anything like that until I was in my last year of high school.  I think maybe the only reason why I even bothered with doing some activities in my last year of high school was to show the Class of 2000 just what they were missing.  After all, they had more or less ignored me or humiliated me the previous four years.  The unfortunate thing was that I hadn't really changed my personality much between 1995 and 2000.  They just never really took the time to get to know me.  And that's on them.  Not on me.

When I told my co-workers that I purposely skipped my prom, some of them were absolutely shocked.  To many of them, prom is the best way to end a high school experience and I certainly don't blame them for feeling that way about what essentially amounts to an overpriced school dance.  But of course, I swallowed my pride and simply told them that prom never really interested me, and I would have rather spent the night listening to music in my bedroom while playing a marathon of Final Fantasy games.

The truth is...I lied to them. 

I wish I did have that prom experience.  I wish I could have gone to the prom with a date on my arm, dancing the night away underneath those balloons, crepe paper, and hanging stars. 

I wish I had signed up for at least a couple of clubs.  I think that if I had enough confidence in myself not to care what the Class of 2000 thought of me, I would have signed up for the Leadership Development Program.  I think that I would have made a great leader, and I think that it would have definitely helped me become a better person.

I wanted to sign up for the "Reach for the Top" team.  Even though I felt humiliated compared to the other people that signed up, I would have studied and I think I would have done very well.  I wouldn't have even minded being put on television!

I wanted to go to those football games - not because I cared about the sport - but because it was a great way to bond with your classmates and make new friends.

I wanted all of those experiences that shaped a high school career.

I just never wanted those experiences with the BCI Class of 2000.  Because as far as I'm concerned, I would have rather had those times with people who had the courage and respect to get to know me...not with a bunch of cowardly children with no balls who only wanted the "elite" of the school to be their friends.

News flash.  You weren't elite back then.  You aren't elite now.  Most of you probably don't even know how to SPELL the word elite.




So, I guess my final word to the BCI Class of 2000 is this.  I hereby disown myself from your graduating class - because it sure as hell isn't mine.  As far as I'm concerned, I want no part of anything to do with any of you ever again as long as I live.  Do not send me any invites to alumni gatherings or high school reunions.  I guarantee you that I have more important things to do with my time.  You all had your chance - five years, might I add - to get to know me for who I was and not for the bullying I suffered or the half-truths you believed to be gospel.  You all blew it.

I am no longer Matthew Turcotte, Brockville Collegiate Institute Class of 2000 Graduate.  I am instead Matthew Turcotte, a regular average Joe who treats everyone with the dignity and respect that I was never shown inside the hallways of BCI.





I'd wish all of you good luck...but honestly, I don't give a damn.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Moves Like Jagger - 2011 Music Moment

Well, this is the last Sunday Jukebox of the month, which means that it will be the last song from 2011 that I will be featuring in this space.

Well, at least for a while, anyway.

But, I've decided that for this edition of the Sunday Jukebox, I would choose a song that was an enormous hit during the summer of 2011.  And, I'm sure that it's a song that will continue to play throughout the summer of 2016.

But before I tell you all about what this song is, why don't I share some statistics about this song with all of you?  Because even though I give away the song title in the heading of this post, it's nice to know just how successful this song was.

For instance, did you know that this single was one of the most downloaded songs ever?  It ranks within the Top 6 songs purchased by digital media.  The total number of downloads?  Over fifteen MILLION!  Phenomenal!

This song also happens to be the second #1 hit single for the California based band Maroon 5 - their first since they released "Makes Me Wonder" in the spring of 2007.  The band partnered with a female singer for this track, which became her fifth #1 single.  And in regards to this female singer, she became the fourth female singer to score a #1 hit single in three different decades.  Only Janet Jackson, Madonna, and Britney Spears can boast that achievement.

I suppose that working together came naturally between Maroon 5 and Christina Aguilera.  After all, she and Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine have shared judging duties on "The Voice" off and on - well, when Gwen Stefani or Shakira aren't available, that is.

And, what do you get when you combine two Voice judges and a song inspired by the dance moves of one Mick Jagger from the Rolling Stones?

Well...you get this hit!



ARTIST:  Maroon 5 f. Christina Aguilera
SONG:  Moves Like Jagger
ALBUM:  Hands All Over
DATE RELEASED:  June 21, 2011
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #1 for 4 weeks

Yeah, who knew that a song that is basically about a young man trying to impress a girl by doing the same dance moves that Mick Jagger would perform on stage (either sober or intoxicated) would be the most listened song in North America for the better part of a month?



It wasn't just the United States, Canada, and Mexico where the song topped the charts.  If you took all the countries in the world, and did a survey on where the song hit #1, you would have a list of twenty-seven different nations!  I guess the whole world was movin' like Jagger back in 2011!

For the record, I do have to admit that I like this song.  Though, when it comes to Maroon 5 singles, I have a tendency to like some of their slower jams - think "She Will Be Loved" or "If I Never See Your Face Again" with Rihanna.  Still, it's a solid hit, and one that was played on the radio for the better part of a whole year!

The song itself is quite a different style for the band, as most of their previous material was a blend of rock music - both hard and soft.  The song "Moves Like Jagger" was more of a dance-pop type single, and at first Adam Levine and the rest of Maroon 5 weren't sure how it would resonate with listeners.  Luckily, everyone gave it a chance and it became one of 2011's biggest hits.



Having Christina Aguilera as a guest vocalist in this single certainly made it pop even more.  There's no argument that Christina Aguilera has been one of the most talented female singers to come out of the late 1990s, and even though it's been a while since she's had any new singles chart on the Billboard Hot 100, the natural talent she has will definitely be a part of who she is.  And that singing voice in my opinion helped make the song chart as high as it did.  Watching the music video for this song, you can tell that there was a lot of chemistry between Levine and Aguilera.

I think it worked better than it would have had Adam Levine invited Blake Shelton to sing on "Moves Like Jagger".  That would actually be a very scary thought.

And what did Mick Jagger think of the song?  Well, he actually liked it a lot!  He remarked that the concept of the song was "very flattering" and he even made fun of the song in one of David Letterman's Top 10 Lists where he commented that it was frustrating that he wasn't getting any music royalties from having his name mentioned in the song.

At any rate...if Mick Jagger himself is praising the song, you know it had to be good!

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Goodbye, Archie Digest - 2011 In Print Media

I just wanted to thank you all for checking in and reading this look back on 2011 - the year that this blog began.  Over the course of the last five years, I've discovered that I'm a completely different person at 35 than I was at 30 - at least on an emotional and dare I say spiritual level - and while a lot of the things have remained the same in my life, I've been able to look at them a lot differently.

I mean, at age 30, I was thinking that there would be no way that I would be able to afford to move out of apartment life, and just four years later I bit the bullet and did exactly that.  Mind you, the transition has not been completely easy, but it was a necessary change that I had to make in order to be happier, and to control my sanity.

(Believe me - if you knew any of my former neighbours, you'd understand my desperation for a change of scenery.)

And you know, sometimes when it comes to change, it can be a bit jarring at first.  Especially when the thing that changes just happens to be something that you've gotten used to for several decades. 

In this case, I want to talk about the time right around the end of 2010/beginning of 2011 when the Archie Comics Publication team made the decision to eliminate all digest titles from circulation.

Note that I said DIGESTS - not DOUBLE DIGESTS.

I have to say, as a fan of the Archie series for almost thirty years of the company's seventy-five in existence, this news really brought a lot of mixed emotions.  And, while at the time of the announcement there were only four digest titles still in circulation, it was still sad to say goodbye.

The four titles that ended their run in late 2010/early 2011 were Archie Digest, Betty and Veronica Digest, Tales From Riverdale Digest, and Jughead and Friends Digest.

In the case of the latter two, they were new digests that were created with the demise of two other older digests - Laugh Digest and Jughead With Archie Digest.



But Archie Digest was the company's first ever digest.  Since 1973, it had been entertaining fans with the promise of two new stories (one in the front, one in the back) and the rest of the book was filled with reprints of classic Archie tales.  It was a great way to introduce people into the world of Archie and not feel like they missed out on some of the older tales.  The Betty and Veronica Digest also had a long run, debuting in 1980, and much like the Archie title, it ran two new stories, and several older stories, only mostly featuring Betty and Veronica stories. 



Here's a screenshot of the first Archie Digest I remember reading.  I must have gotten it for a Christmas present given the cover gag.



And this is the first Betty and Veronica Digest that I remember owning.  And yes, I actually can remember!   My memory when it comes to Archie comics is photographic.

So, what prompted Archie Comics to decide to quit selling the digest books?  



I would think one factor would have been the fact that Double Digests outsold the single titles - literally by double the amount!  For every ten Archie Digests that were sold, twenty Archie Double Digests would be purchased.  And you know, from a consumer perspective it made more sense.  After all, you got twice the entertainment with a double digest than you would an ordinary digest.



Another reason?  Digests shrank to the point where it almost became a waste of money to purchase them.  At the time Archie Digests first became available in 1973, they were fifty cents for 160 pages.  By the time the final issue of Archie Digest was printed (#267), the cost was $2.50 for EIGHTY pages!!!  I don't know about you, but I didn't like paying five times the price for a book half its original size!



So, the final issues of the four remaining digests were Archie Digest #267, Betty and Veronica Digest #208, Tales From Riverdale Digest #39, and Jughead and Friends Digest #38. 

But this didn't mean that Archie had given up on digest publication altogether.

Instead, they decided to bring out three replacement double digests to make up for the four that were axed.  It also gave the company a chance to make some more money by releasing higher priced books onto the marketplace, but I suppose any company would do anything to increase profits.



In the place of Archie Digest came a title called World Of Archie Double Digest. As of May 2016, it's on its fifty-ninth issue, and continues to be one of Archie's more successful titles.  I particularly have a soft spot when it comes to the World of Archie title, because it reprints more of the older stories that I used to love reading as a kid.  It's a classic mix of old and new and it also is the title where you can read more of the one-off stories that Archie Comics dabbled in.  Stories starring That Wilkin Boy, Sabrina, Pipsqueak, Lil Jinx, and Katy Keene.  It was a real grab bag of stories that any Archie fan could appreciate.



Jughead and Friends and Tales From Riverdale morphed into the generic Archie and Friends Double Digest, and much like World of Archie, the book focused on classic tales from old and new.  It was also the book where you could find most of the SuperTeens series, so if you were a fan of Pureheart the Powerful, Captain Hero, and Evilheart, this was the book for you. 



Unfortunately, this series didn't last as long as World Of Archie has.  After 33 issues, it was once again revamped, and is now running under the Archie's Funhouse title.  Though, to me, I see no reason why the company did this, as it seems to be the same exact book!  But hey, some of the decisions the company has made haven't been the greatest - such as letting go of most of your classic Archie artists and writers to make way for new blood who are changing Archie way too fast.

Yep.  I said it.



As for Betty and Veronica Digest - it became B & V Friends Double Digest.  And weirdly enough, it was the only title to continue the same number sequence that the original title used...which explains why it's currently at issue #247!  But the B & V Friends title was another positive step for the company because it became the title in which Betty and Veronica merchandise was promoted.  When the company was promoting a new hardcover book that featured Betty writing in her diary as a fourteen year old, they printed excerpts of the book over a six issue spread.  It was almost like a sneak preview for us to sample before we committed to buying the whole book.  I have to say, it's quite smart marketing on Archie's part!

It's hard to say where the future of Archie Digests will go over the next few years.  2016 is looking like another year in which Archie will have to reinvent the digest style once more.  But I survived the reinvention periods of 1989, 1992, 1997, 2005, and 2011.  I'm sure I'll make it through this one too!

Friday, May 27, 2016

Jem Reviewed: Episode 10 - Adventure in China

Previously on Jem Reviewed, Jem and the Holograms took part in The World Hunger Shindig, which saw romance, jealousy, theft, and charity.  What a combo, huh?



It's time for us to take a trip to China, and watch Episode 10:  Adventure In China.  Great title, huh?  Apparently the people in charge of titles didn't think it was, so they left it off!  So, I took initiative and made one.  I don't know what font they used, but I think mine doesn't look too terrible!



It looks like Jem, Kimber, Aja, Shana, and Rio are on the trip to China.  And based on conversations between the band, we learn a few things.  We learn that Jem and the Holograms were invited as specials guests of the Chinese government to perform a pair of concerts for the people - the latter of the two being at the Great Wall of China.  And we also learn that Aja is really excited about the opportunity, meaning that it appears that Aja's background is Chinese.  Either way, it's a phenomenal opportunity for the band, and if memory serves me, this is their first concert abroad.  What could go wrong?



Oh, right.  The Misfits are on the same flight.  They too are performing in China, but not nearly with the same amount of fanfare that Jem and the Holograms are getting.  That must suck.  The Misfits started their career before Jem did, and yet Jem is getting more attention.  At least Stormer is trying to get assimilated with the culture of China by reading about it, but Pizzazz and Roxy couldn't be bothered.



Jem and the Holograms arrive at the airport to a hero's welcome, and for some reason we see a little girl in the crowd.  Who is she?  And why so much attention on her?  What are the odds that this won't be her first appearance?



The Misfits - or, should I say Misfats - have a much smaller crowd, which Pizzazz is irked by.  Roxy is grateful that they have fans though, even though she doesn't notice the spelling mistake on the banner.

Jem and the Holograms and the Misfits arrive at the security checkpoint where everyone is instructed to remove all metal objects including jewelry before entering the country, as per international law.  Three of the four Holograms abide by the law.  Can you guess which one doesn't?



Naturally, Jem is very hesitant to remove her earrings because they are her link to Synergy which causes her to become Jem in the first place, and the guard is doing his job and refusing to let her through until she complies.

At least that is until a government official who just happens to be in the area tells the guard that it's all good, Jem and the Holograms are guests, and that they can bend the rules this time.  That's...contrived.  But whatever, Jem passes through the metal detector and gets into China.

The Misfits are left wondering how Jem has so much clout - and honestly I can't say I blame them!  But even more curious is why Jem freaked out over the earrings in the first place.  Stormer seems to think that they might be good luck charms, while Pizzazz thinks they might be worth a lot of money.  But it's Roxy who makes the connection that Jem's paranoia about her earrings could mean that they're important to the Holograms act, and this prompts Eric to do some more scheming.  Interestingly enough, this is the last we see of Eric this episode, so I'm guessing he's leaving his dirty work to the Misfits.




Back at the hotel where the Holograms are staying, Kimber, Shana, and Aja are enjoying a warm mineral bath, and they encourage Jem to get inside and relax before their first concert.  Jem agrees, but she has to remove the JemStar earrings because getting electronic equipment wet is never a good idea.  Why the earrings wouldn't work.  And Jem could possibly get electrocuted.  



Of course, this sets the stage for the Misfits to pull off their plan.  When Jem is in the bath, Roxy snatches the earrings from the bench that Jem left them on, and flees into the darkness...or some dark area, given that it's like two in the afternoon.



And when Roxy is out of range, Jem changes back into Jerrica, which leaves the rest of the Holograms in shock for two reasons.  One, they can't understand why Jem changed into Jerrica so quickly - and two, they can't believe that Jerrica would wander into the mineral bath FULLY DRESSED!  I mean, those clothes would weigh fifty pounds soaking wet!  Why would she project a hologram of a bathing suit when Jerrica could just wear a bathing suit?  And this is just one of the many things that make NO SENSE in this episode!

Jerrica realizes that the earrings are gone, and she is at a loss over what to do.  Okay, Jerrica, here's what you do.  Go to a store and buy pink hair dye.  It's the 1980s, I'm sure China sells it.  Dye your blonde hair pink.  Then sing your heart out at the concert.  It's simple, it's easy, and really, you know you can sing, so what's the big deal?

Apparently, Jerrica thinks having no earrings is a big deal, and she flat out cancels the concert!



I need a headbash picture right now.

Naturally, the Chinese government officials are disgusted by the lack of commitment caused by a pair of lost earrings, so they decide to give their concert to the Misfits, who rub it in their faces.  And Jerrica and the others dejectedly leave, telling the officials that they WILL make it to the Great Wall concert.



On the way back to the hotel, they run into Rio where Jerrica makes up an excuse about why Jem isn't there, which Rio seems to buy - even though he doesn't understand why the concert couldn't go on.  Join the club, Rio.



But as the Holograms glance at the Misfits performing their concert, Jerrica proves her brain isn't completely dead when she notices that all three Misfits are wearing JemStar earrings.  And Jerrica decides that they need to give them a special ovation.  I wonder if this involves brass knuckles and baseball bats?

No, it's just a confrontation.  Which leads to a pedestrian chase set to a Misfits tune.



"You Can't Catch Me".  A solid song from the Misfits, and one which could be interpreted in a couple of ways that range from positive to negative.  I'll let you make the call.



This chase between the Holograms and the Misfits becomes exhausting to watch.  First they board a sky lift where the Misfits get at the controls to shake things up for the Holograms...okay, seriously, whenever there is electronic equipment, the Misfits have to play with it, and they are always unguarded!  Should this not tell people anything?



Then the Holograms try to catch them by climbing up a mountain, but Aja dislodges one of the statues which almost kills Kimber and Shana.  Seriously, Aja?  You're supposed to be the SMART one!



Then they lose the Misfits during a judo class taking place outside...though Pizzazz throwing a guy to the ground is somewhat funny.



The chase ends on a train - seriously, how many miles did they cover?  And despite a valiant effort to get the earrings back, the Misfits dispose of them.  Stormer throws her pair into a textile basket passing by.  Roxy's end up at the site of an archaeological dig.  And Pizzazz's end up inside a random garbage can.  We don't know which pair was the real one, but since all three are gone, it looks like Jem and the Holograms are sunk.

And this means it's time for another song!



I said in the last entry that Jem and the Holograms' strength seems to be in ballads.  And as far as "Something Is Missing In My Life" goes, it's a very good one.  But somehow singing about a pair of lost earrings kind of cheapens the punch that the song is supposed to make.

Here's your Jem Trivia for today.  All of the songs in the series - for Jem, the Misfits, and any other singing parts - were arranged by Anne Bryant.  And it's not her fault this song was used so poorly.  If it were used anywhere else, it would be phenomenal - and rumour has it that this song does make another appearance later on in this series.  I'll keep an eye on that as I do more of these.



It appears as though the Holograms are dejected and lost.  It also appears that Jerrica still hasn't thought of my idea to fake being Jem - unless Jerrica has the singing voice of a 60-year-old chain smoker and Synergy actually auto-tunes her voice.  They consider dropping out of the Great Wall concert, but Aja insists on picking up a magazine so she can determine whether or not she can still read Chinese.  An...odd request, I must say.  "Yeah, our concert is screwed, but if I can still understand Chinese, it's not a waste!"  As it turns out, Aja's decision is a good one.  They find an article about how a jewelry company will be issuing new earrings based on the JemStar earrings...so naturally, they head to the factory to see what's up.



It appears as though the earrings that Stormer was wearing ended up at this factory, where the workers have now succeeded in making millions of pairs of them for sale all over the world.  I guess China was a superpower in manufacturing even back in 1986!  Of course, now that the earrings have been made, the owner of the factory sees no need for the original pair, so he gives them to Jerrica.  How nice of him to profit off of Jem's merchandise before giving her the earrings!  At least Jerrica's taking it well.

Too bad it meant nothing.  Stormer's earrings turn out to be a dud.  Too bad.



We also learn what happened to the earrings that Pizzazz was wearing in a random scene.  A father has picked them out of the trash can that they landed in, and he has decided to give them to his daughter as a gift.  Look, it's that same little girl that was at the airport!  Very peculiar...

Once again, the Holograms make the decision to cancel the concert, and once again, it's Aja who holds them up, saying that she wants to check out some exhibits of ancient Chinese artifacts.  The others are like..."what the hell, after today we'll probably be banned from China, Hong Kong, and possibly even Taiwan...we may as well enjoy it now."

For what it's worth, the Holograms do have a lot of fun immersing themselves in Chinese culture - at least until Aja notices something odd about one of the exhibits.



Well, we now know what happened to the earrings Roxy was wearing.  Apparently they're now a treasured piece of Chinese history.  We all know the truth, and so does Jerrica, who immediately snatches the earrings and puts them in her pocket!  Oh, Jerrica...you stupid, stupid woman...don't you know that stealing things from a museum is a felony? 

At least if they get arrested, they have a legitimate reason for missing the concert.  There.  I said it!



Oh, but fear not.  The curator of the museum arrives and he too notices something strange about the earrings.  After a quick scan with a magnifying glass, he discovers that there's a message on them that says COPYRIGHT 1985.

No, I'm kidding.  But he does deduce that the earrings were manufactured during the 20th century, which means that they are NOT valuable - at least in a historical sense, anyway.  So, Jerrica and the others are free to go with the earrings.



Too bad Roxy's earrings don't seem to work either.  The grim reality sets in that their dreams of playing the Great Wall are all but over, and Aja even starts to cry.  It's...strange to see the normally cool Aja get so emotional about a concert, but I also look at it like this.  This is Aja's homeland in many ways, and I can see how playing in the country where her family came from would be a very fulfilling thing for her.  It's just sad that Aja's dream of playing in China might not come true.

Of course, if Jerrica would just go to a store and buy pink hair dye.  Just saying.

Jerrica and the Holograms arrive at the Great Wall gig and Jerrica makes the decision to let the officials know that Jem won't be there.  But before she can do that, she is distracted by a disturbing sight.



Look!  It's that girl that keeps popping up!  And it looks like she's being bullied by a group of boys.  That's not cool!  Jerrica decides to play hero and rescue her from them...at least that is until the girl flips one of the boys on his back and they run away in terror!  Awesome!



Jerrica approaches the girl, tells her she was brave, and the girl opens up to her.  Her name is
Lin, and she is a huge fan of Jem and the Holograms.  The reason the boys were picking on her was because they were making fun of her earrings - the same JemStar earrings she got as a gift from her father.



Jerrica is forced to tell Lin that Jem has had some bad luck and won't be performing the concert.  Way to rip out her heart, Jerrica!  And you call yourself a mother for foster girls?!?  But to Jerrica's surprise, Lin gives her the earrings and tells her to give them to Jem, hoping that they will make her feel better and that her luck will change.  Aw...what a selfless thing to do!

Jerrica agrees, and thanks Lin for her generosity with a hug.  But as Jerrica puts the earrings on and proceeds to tell China that Jem won't be there, she whines to Kimber about how if they were the real JemStar earrings, she would put on the concert and thank Lin in person as Jem.



But Jem is interrupted by Synergy's voice who openly asks Jerrica if she's on crack why she can't do the concert.  Jerrica recognizes the voice and exclaims in excitement Synergy's name, and Synergy transforms Jerrica back into Jem.  She also synthesizes some of the most stereotypical Chinese costumes for the Holograms to wear, but what the hell...Jem and the Holograms are back, and ready to perform.



The Misfits on the other hand are pissed.  Roxy even exclaims that it was THEIR concert.  But Jem and the Holograms ignore them and tell them to enjoy the show the same way the Misfits did to them during their first concert.



And with that, the first order of business is to send out a special dedication to Lin in the audience, for helping Jem find the courage to go on stage.  And, again, I reiterate that Jem could have still done the show had she used her brain and pink hair dye, but did she listen to me?  No!  Of course, the episode would have only been four minutes long had she taken my advice.  Oh, let's just listen to Lin's song.



Okay, so Chinese stereotyping aside, I have to admit "Love Unites Us" is another solid Jem and the Holograms hit.  Actually, I think this might be the first episode where all the music is fantastic.  Okay, so "Something Is Missing In My Life" was used weirdly.  It's still a good song!

After the concert, Jem and the Holograms are signing autographs, and the Chinese government tells them that they are welcome in the country whenever they like even though they refuse to go through airport customs, steal artifacts from museums and destroy ancient statues.  How nice!



Jem spots Lin in the audience, and the way she is moving about, I think she has to go to the bathroom at first.  But Jem keeps her promise and tells Lin that her gift brought her luck.  She then hands Lin one of the pairs of JemStar earrings that the Misfits had as a present and token of friendship between the two of them, and the episode ends with Lin and Jem embracing.  This episode really does have a sweet ending...

...it's too bad that it's also the episode in which everyone acts really stupid.  This is easily one of my least favourite episodes plot wise so far.  Jerrica showed tons of insecurity in this episode over a lost pair of earrings.  I get that they are irreplaceable, but still...there were ways around it.  Plus, some of the behaviour that Jem and the Holograms partook in while running around China was - I hate to say it - very Misfit like.  It almost kind of makes them look like hypocrites when they bash the Misfits.  I bet that if it were Pizzazz stealing the earrings from the museum, Jem would be like the Queen of Hearts in "Alice in Wonderland", ordering her to be beheaded.  Yet when Jem does the same thing, she's given a slap on the wrist.

It just doesn't make sense!

Oh well.  Next episode, Jem and the Holograms vacation at a ski resort.  We'll see what happens then.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

A Dozen Shows From 2011 - Which Ones Survived?

One thing you can say about the year 2011 is this.  It was a year in which a lot of new television shows debuted.

I don't have a full list of the shows available, but I would estimate it to be well over 150 new shows - if not more. 

And just as the case with many other television programs on television schedules over the years, many are hits, and many are misses.

How did the year 2011 rank?

Well, I took twelve random shows from the long list of ones that debuted in 2011, and I thought I'd do a then and now feature about each one.  Which ones are still on in 2016?  Which ones barely made it to 2012?  I've got some answers for you right here - along with my own personal commentary.



BOB'S BURGERS
Debuted January 9, 2011
6 Seasons so far, renewed for seventh

Bob's Burgers was a midseason replacement show for the FOX Network, and airing it during Sunday's animation block alongside "The Simpsons" and "Family Guy" was a great idea.  Created by Loren Bouchard, the show about the Belcher family business - a burger eatery that is situated near a funeral home and an apartment building.  It's a snarky comedy that balances running a business and taking care of a family - which can run on borderline crude in some episodes!  But, don't let that scare you away.  It's one of 2011's success stories - and although the show wasn't well received when it first aired, it's holding its own now!



CRIMINAL MINDS:  SUSPECT BEHAVIOR
Debuted February 16, 2011
Cancelled May 25, 2011

By all accounts, a spin-off of "Criminal Minds" should have worked.  After all, the entire run of the four CSI shows would have a total running time of thirty-six seasons!  And, "Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior" did have a fantastic cast.  With names like Forest Whitaker, Janeane Garofalo, and "Criminal Minds" actress Kirsten Vangsness as part of the cast, it had the formula to be another hit!  So, why did it miss the mark?  Ultimately low ratings sealed its fate.  And if not enough people are watching a show - no matter how well done it may be - it's hard for it to have a second year.  But another spinoff "Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders" debuted earlier this year and it has already gotten the green light for season two. 



BODY OF PROOF
Debuted March 29, 2011
Cancelled May 28, 2013

I don't know what it is about ABC lately, but they've been hit and miss when it comes to television shows.  For every "Lost", "Desperate Housewives" and "Grey's Anatomy" that exist, there are about a dozen other shows that didn't last that long.

To give "Body of Proof" credit, the show did eke out a three season run.  I credit that to the believability of Dana Delany as a medical examiner who uses the bodies of those recently deceased to solve crimes while balancing her hectic personal life.  And from the episodes that I've seen, it was a fairly good program.

In fact, at the time of the show's cancellation it was actually improving in the ratings!  It's really unknown why ABC would drop the program, but then again, it's not the first blunder ABC would make.  It's too bad the rumours weren't true about it moving to a new network because I think that this show was cancelled way too soon.



WORKAHOLICS
Debuted April 6, 2011
6 Seasons so far, renewed for seventh

Of all the shows listed on this look back at 2011 television, this is the only one I have not yet seen.  Mainly because I don't subscribe to Comedy Central.  But from what I have heard about this show, it's quite good, and I've been told I'm missing out.  Created by and starring Blake Anderson, Anders Holm, and Adam DeVine, the show depicts three college acquaintances who refuse to let go of their college years despite sharing a cubicle at the telemarketing company they work for.  Maybe that's the secret to having a television show last...debut it on a cable network instead of the Big Three...



FRANKLIN & BASH
Debuted June 1, 2011
Cancelled October 22, 2014

This is another case of a show ending too soon.  This was the show that brought Mark-Paul Gosselaar back to television once more following "Saved By The Bell" and "NYPD Blue", and paired him up with movie actor Breckin Meyer in a comedic drama set at a law firm.  When the show debuted on TNT, it became an instant hit.  In the UK, people referred to it as Ally McBeal with balls!  How cheeky!  The show did have a modest four season run and attracted both Jane Seymour and Heather Locklear as cast members which added to the intrigue.  I still say that it should have run longer...but at least Gosselaar and Meyer stayed good friends.  I most recently saw both of them on an episode of "Celebrity Name Game"!



SWITCHED AT BIRTH
Debuted:  June 16, 2011
4 Seasons so far, renewed for fifth

Sadly, I just recently discovered this show about a year ago - and now I hear that the fifth season - set to premiere in early 2017 - will be the show's last.  Airing on ABC Family and ABC Spark, the show might seem like a tired old cliche at first.  Two women give birth, and accidentally take the wrong child home and don't find out until several years later.  Well, what if one of those children had a hearing impairment and was sent to live with hearing parents, while the other child could hear perfectly fine but had deaf parents?  That's the hook that drew me in. 

In all seriousness, the show is superb, and for once we finally get to see a show that focuses on the hearing impaired community with actors who have a hearing disability and can only communicate via sign language.  Both Vanessa Marano and Katie LeClerc do a fine job in their roles as Bay and Daphne.  In the case of LeClerc, she purposely learned sign language at seventeen after learning that she has a condition that can eventually cause her to lose her hearing, so she wanted to be prepared for it.

It's a very good show - perhaps one of the best of the year!



BAR RESCUE
Debuted July 17, 2011
Currently airing Season 4

When this show debuted in the summer of 2011 on Spike, it was unknown just how successful it would be.  By 2016, it has aired over one hundred episodes, and has really showed all of us the best and worst of the bar business.

Based off of the popular show "Kitchen Nightmares", bar expert Jon Taffer goes to bars all over the United States and uses what he has learned in his near 40-year career to help other bar owners get out of debt and make money.  Sometimes the solutions are easy to fix, such as a new name, new look, or changing the cocktail menu.  Sometimes, the fix is harder, such as dealing with employees who steal, or fixing a building up to code.  Whatever the challenge, it's one that he is willing to take.

Well, except for those people who owned that O-Face Bar in Council Bluffs, Iowa.  Those people were beyond help.



FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
Debuted August 5, 2011
Cancelled September 9, 2011

Some people might like the movie "Friends With Benefits".  And, let's face it.  Some people like BEING friends with benefits.  But this television show was something that very few people liked.  And this show was plagued with problems from the very beginning.  For one, it was originally pitched to ABC, but the network denied it, so it was instead aired on NBC as a summer replacement series.  But audiences were tuning out after episode one, and the series met a swift end just thirty-six days after it premiered.  Tough break.



THE JEREMY KYLE SHOW (U.S. VERSION)
Debuted September 19, 2011
Cancelled September 13, 2013

Now, I had to make a note that this is the American version of the show.  The original UK version debuted in July 2005 and is still airing eleven years later.  And really, you could consider Jeremy Kyle the British version of Maury Povich in a way, as he does almost the same kind of shows that Maury does (mainly paternity tests).  The difference was that whereas Maury Povich often showed sympathy towards his guests, Jeremy Kyle tells it like it is without apologizing for how he feels.  Well, Jeremy tried to make his UK based talk show work in the United States as well.  The problem is that there were too many shows just like his in the United States, and it kind of got lost in the shuffle.  His American talk show only lasted two seasons.



2 BROKE GIRLS
Debuted:  September 19, 2011
5 Seasons, renewed for sixth

One question.  How is this show still on the air?  Seriously, how?



UNFORGETTABLE
Debuted:  September 20, 2011
Cancelled:  January 22, 2016

This is a show that got bounced around so many times that many people might be surprised to learn that the last episode only aired four months ago.  When the show debuted in September 2011, star Poppy Montgomery had just come off of "Without A Trace" a couple of years earlier.  She played the role of Carrie Wells, a female officer who had a photographic memory that assisted her in solving cases alongside her partner and ex-boyfriend Al Burns.  The premise of the show was good, and it stayed on CBS for three seasons until the network decided to pull the plug.  This prompted A&E to pick up the show for the 2015-2016 season, a move that while filled with great intentions failed to deliver - and "Unforgettable" quickly became forgotten.



HELL ON WHEELS
Debuted November 6, 2011
Currently airing Season 5

This is a show that is set to air its final episode sometime in 2016 on AMC, but when it first debuted, it got a lot of positive attention.

It is a show that is set in the middle of the 19th century - specifically 1865.  The first episode took place days after the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, and set the stage for the main plot - the construction of the First Transcontinental Railroad across the United States.  It's also a show that I have recently discovered now that I subscribe to AMC, and I'm starting to wish that I had watched it earlier.  It's quite good!

So there you have it.  12 shows that debuted in 2011 - all with varying success rates.  Which ones were your favourites?  And can you add to my list?