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Friday, July 08, 2016

Jem Reviewed: Episode 16 - Broadway Magic

In the previous installment of Jem Reviewed, the Holograms successfully published their rock fashion book despite some roadblocks that the Misfits placed in front of them.

And apparently that book was so successful that the band now has a chance to headline their own Broadway musical!  Only in America, huh?



This is Episode 16:  Broadway Magic!

It's a beautiful view of the New York City skyline as we kick off this tale...and it's also a bittersweet reminder that just fifteen years after this episode aired, the original World Trade Center would be no more.  We also see that this episode is written by Marv Wolfman.  In this edition of Jem Trivia, I can tell you that Marv Wolfman would later go on work on the New Teen Titans comic book series, where he slipped in a Jem joke in one of the panels.



We peek into the office window of Broadway producer Bob Merritt - who apparently seems to think the year is 1976.  Aside from the fact that his clothes are very outdated, he's sporting a toupee that not even Donald Trump would touch!  He sees himself as a Broadway producer, but I see him more along the lines of a Match Game 74 panelist!  But looks aside, he's apparently one of the best Broadway producers in the city, and he's trying to brainstorm ideas with his secretary on what should be his next idea.  While all this is going on, two window cleaners are outside trying to clean the windows listening to Misfits music instrumentals, but the noise of their boom box is so distracting that it causes Merritt to close the window, sending both men falling off the scaffolding to their deaths below.

No, wait.  Merritt's office is on the second floor, so they just bruise their dignity.  But the music does inspire Merritt to come up with an idea to feature a rock group in his next musical.  I'm sure you all know where this is going.



In sunny California, Jerrica, Kimber, Aja, and Shana are playing a game of beach volleyball while Rio and an unknown guy watch from a snack shack in the background.  And while Rio tells his friend that he has got it bad for Jerrica, he can't help but feel as though she's hiding something from him.  Like, oh, maybe the fact that she can use her earrings to transform into the pink-haired goddess known as Jem, perhaps?  Because as we know, Jerrica can't tell Rio the truth because she knows he hates deception.  It's the broken record that should have been shattered all the way back in episode one, and yet somehow still finds a way to a radio playlist's heavy rotation.  Total annoyance.



Rio's gaze turns back towards a magazine which happens to be announcing Merritt's new Broadway show, and in his excitement to tell the girls, he upsets the hot dog tray on the table!  That's twenty bucks Rio owes somebody!  And I love how he tells the girls about the announcement by telling them that they're going to be Broadway stars!  I admire your optimism, Rio, but they still have to audition like Chita Rivera, Carol Channing, and Liza Minnelli before them!

(The fact that I just named three stars of Broadway without using Google shocks even myself!)

You want to know who else is interested in joining the cast of the play?  The Misfits, of course.  And while they are working out at a gym with Eric Raymond, they entertain the possibility that Jem would be trying out as well.  This concerns Stormer because Stormer openly admits that Jem is quite good!  I'm more impressed that Pizzazz and Roxy didn't deck her one for that comment!  But Stormer later questions Jem's real identity.  She thinks it is strange that she just came out of nowhere without anyone knowing who she was before.  I think I sense a song coming on!



The Misfits song "Who Is She, Anyway" is definitely a song that symbolizes the band's hard edge, and once again, Ellen Bernfeld owns this song with her voice.  The video itself could have been a little more stunning visually - and could have been spell checked as the magazine in the video refers to Jem's band as Jem and the HOROGRAMS, but other than that, I've no major complaints.



Stormer's sudden interest in who Jem really is causes Eric to come up with a plan of his own.  And before both bands can make it to New York City, he holds a press conference from Misfits Music to announce a contest.  He will give a reward of one hundred thousand dollars to anybody who can find out who Jem's real identity is.  And back in 1986, $100,000 was worth a LOT of money!  Just ask anyone who ever played Dick Clark's "Pyramid" game!



Sure enough, when Jem and the Holograms land in New York, a mob of journalists approach them and ask Jem who she is, whether she's a spy, and if she really did what they think she did with Charlie Sheen.

Okay, I made that last part up...but Jem and the others are understandably spooked, and wonder what's going on.



It takes a friendly New York City cabbie to explain what has happened and she tells them about Eric's "Find Out Who Jem Is" Sweepstakes, which doesn't shock them at all given Eric's track record.  But in a city of millions, this could prove very problematic for Jem.



At the Broadway theatre where Bob Merritt's show is set to open, we see Bob and his secretary watching the Misfits perform their previous chart topper "Makin' Mischief", and he showers them with compliments and tells them that they are the best he's seen today.  My guess is, they're the only ones he's seen today unless the Limp Lizards performed earlier in the day.

Ah, but here comes Jerrica, Kimber, Aja, and Shana, ready to take on the competition.  Of course, Eric notices right away that Jem is nowhere to be found and deduces that she's a no-show - largely because of the contest he's launched.  But Jerrica sees a hidden passage behind the stage to connect with Synergy so that she can change into Jem.



Uh-oh!  What Jerrica doesn't realize is that Roxy has snuck into the control booth above the stage and has a clear view of everything!  If Jerrica changes into Jem right there, her secret will be exposed to Roxy!

Good thing Roxy has a short attention span, because her focus soon shifts from Jerrica to the fancy looking buttons on the panel.  She pushes the buttons as Jerrica transforms into Jem and somehow sets off a burglar alarm.  Hilariously, Merritt thinks this is part of Jem's act!



Jem runs up to the control booth, shoves Roxy out of the way, and shuts the power off, but Pizzazz is already trying to throw the Holograms under the bus by saying that Jem was responsible for the mishap.  Bob Merritt is clearly annoyed, but he decides that he will let Jem sing anyway.  So, here's song number two, courtesy of Jem and the Holograms.



There's something quite moving about "Can't Get My Love Together".  Even though the video features Jem and Rio prominently, it certainly is a perfect song to symbolize their...obviously dysfunctional relationship with one another.  I have said that Jem's strength is ballads, and certainly this one is emotionally charged.  If you watch closely in this video, you can even see that Stormer is crying!  Remember, she's sort of a "tart with a heart" in this cartoon.



Seems like Merritt was impressed by the Holograms as well, and even showers them with the same compliments that he showed the Misfits some six minutes earlier!  No wonder Pizzazz wants to force feed his toupee down his throat!

To settle things once and for all, Merritt invites both groups to appear with him on Lindsey Pearce's show where he can announce the decision in person.  And to this, I wonder if MTV even covered news on Broadway musicals back in the day.  Seriously, I want to know!

Later that night, both groups and Merritt are seated comfortably on Lindsey's soundstage, and one thing I notice is that all the guests have orange drinks in front of them!  Classy.  And, given that it's the 1980s, they're either drinking fuzzy navels, screwdrivers, Orange Crush, or Tang.  Let's go with Orange Crush!  Nobody likes a drunken rock musician.



Bob Merritt holds up an envelope that announces which band he has chosen for the contest.  Both groups wait in anticipation as he opens the envelope and reveals that the winning group is Bananarama!



No, wait.  It's Jem and the Holograms.  Shocker, I know.



And while Pizzazz's decision to storm off the stage and attack Lindsey's guests with a giant fire hose while the show is still on the air might seem shocking in real life...for this cartoon, we wouldn't expect anything less.  Not that what Pizzazz did was okay by any means.  I'm just not shocked.

What is shocking is that despite the fact that Pizzazz tries to drown Merritt on television, he still thinks the group is peachy keen, and offers them the chance to be the understudies for Jem and the Holograms!  Sweet Jesus, I thought Howard Sands lacked balls...I think this guy may have him beat!



After leaving Lindsey's water-logged set, Jem is accosted by a man offering her a zillion dollars in exchange for her real name, and then she is confronted by a wacko psychic who tries to hypnotize her into saying who she is.  And to think this was before Miss Cleo and Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends started ripping people off!

Jem manages to rebuff the con artists, but Bob Merritt is getting annoyed by the constant distractions and warns them that if they aren't fully committed to the musical that he will replace them with the Misfits.  I wonder if Merritt and Howard Sands are related?



Later on, Jerrica arrives back at the Plaza Hotel with the rest of the Holograms and is wondering how to handle the fact that everyone seems to want to find out who Jem really is.  But Synergy warns Jerrica that she must not let anyone know about her because if anyone finds out, they could use Synergy's powers for evil. 



The other Holograms retire for the night, and Jerrica is about to do the same, but she is shocked to find Rio snooping through her things.  Jerrica is immediately angered at the fact that even Rio is trying to find out who Jem really is and throws him out of the room.  And, I get the feeling that we missed a scene somewhere.  Why do I feel that there was supposed to be an added clip where Rio and Jerrica have a fight over Jem's real identity.  It could certainly make Jerrica's anger more justified.  Instead, she comes across as a psychopath!

And at rehearsals the following day, Jem is nowhere to be found at the theatre, which worries the other Holograms, makes Rio feel sorry for himself, the Misfits shriek with glee, and Bob Merritt understandably pissed.  But not so pissed that he doesn't allow the Holograms a chance to find Jem.  They have until eight o'clock tonight to bring her back to the theatre.  Apparently, that's when the show opens!  Wow, Merritt doesn't waste time, does he?

The girls recall Jerrica wanting to visit Central Park, so maybe she might be there.  But it's Rio who comes across Jerrica and apologizes for going through her private things in her hotel room.  Jerrica seems to accept the apology, but still demands to know what is bothering Rio.  And it's here where the most frustrating moment in the whole series takes place.



Rio tells Jerrica that he is torn between Jerrica and Jem and that he feels that whenever he gets too close to Jerrica, she pulls away.  He even speculates that maybe Jerrica IS Jem!  I'm like...OH MY GOSH, FINALLY!  He figured it out and Jerrica can finally admit that yes, she is the pink-haired goddess of his dreams and that they can finally live happily ever after!  And then Jerrica summons a Jem hologram in the park because she decides that listening to Synergy's warning is more important that telling her boyfriend THE TRUTH!!!  I'm pretty sure Rio wouldn't use Synergy for evil doings.  I honestly don't even know if Rio would even know how to turn Synergy on!  But whatever the case, Rio walks away dejected, and Jerrica is left looking like a complete fool.  I officially give up on these two, and I think that for her own sake, Jerrica (and Jem) should choose celibacy.



At least the Misfits seem to show more determination in trying to stop Jem and the Holograms from making their eight o'clock curtain call.  Pizzazz and Roxy come to the conclusion that Jem would do anything for Rio, and they make Stormer type out a letter from Rio to Jem on one of those new fangled inventions that they call a typewriter! 



Apparently it's a very expensive typewriter because the note is written in cursive script!  How...weird.



The note tells Jem to meet Rio at the top of the Statue of Liberty, which she does.  But she finds herself locked in by Pizzazz...and the last ferry leaves at five o'clock, essentially trapping her on Ellis Island!  I suppose Jem could try to swim to Manhattan, but it'd take her a lot longer than three hours to do it!



She notices two dock workers standing outside and she thinks that she can use one of her earrings to summon a hologram of her to lead them to her.  I don't know if throwing an earring on the ground from hundreds of feet up in the air is a good idea, but miraculously, the earring doesn't shatter, and the Jem hologram leads both men to the top of the statue - as both of them want the reward money associated with Jem's real identity.



Once she is rescued, Jem pleads with the men to take her by boat to the main island so that she can make it to the show.  The older man seems to be willing to help, but the younger man decides that nobody will stop him from collecting all the money, and throws the other man overboard.  Once they arrive at Manhattan, the man demands that Jem show him who she is...so she obliges.



This is probably the most disturbing, yet funniest scene ever featured in this show so far!  The sight of the guy's ugly face on Jem's Polka Dot Door inspired jumpsuit is enough to make him fall off the edge of the pier!  But it distracts Jem long enough to run right into the taxi driver that helped her earlier. 



The taxi driver agrees to take Jem to the Broadway District, but they get stopped by what appears to be a Chinese New Year celebration?!?  This episode is just filled with plot contrivances, isn't it? 



And also filled with spelling mistakes too!  Look at how the driver is driving a TAXY cab!



Jem can't wait around any longer, and she decides to try and make the distance by foot.  She randomly grabs some kid's skateboard and announces that she will give them tickets to her next show - even though she has no idea where they live!  Nice one, Jem.



At least her skateboarding skills are better than her people skills, and somehow she skates right into a subway car which delivers her to what appears to be the Lexington Subway Station - which isn't far from the Empire State Building.  And of course, Jem is pursued by a mob of subway commuters who want a piece of the prize money!  Jem races inside the Empire State Building where apparently there's a hang gliding convention going on.  Okay, seriously, this plot is too unbelievable even for a cartoon.  I suppose next she's going to steal a hang glider and glide her way to...



...OH, COME ON!!!!!

At the theatre, the rest of the Holograms are trying to convince Bob Merritt to wait a few minutes longer because they know that Jem will be there, but Merritt can't give them any more time, which makes the Misfits salivate with glee over finally besting the Holograms once and for all.

Shana immediately notices that Jem has safely glided to the theatre's roof on a hang glider, but Pizzazz notes that she will never get her costume on in time.



Cue Jem in a stunning pink evening gown walking down the stairs as if she had never taken a fifteen minute tour of New York City before.  Everyone is shocked at Jem's sudden transformation and even Pizzazz asks how she did it.  Jem replies that she just might have that Broadway Magic.



Oh yeah...as for the final song of the show, "Broadway Magic".  Total snoozefest.  If the rest of the songs of this musical are any indication as to what the play is about, I'm guessing this show will have a shorter life than "Taboo".  Both the musical and the short-lived game show.



Whatever the case, there seems to be a congratulatory party celebrating the success of the Holograms debut performance, and Rio and Jerrica are having a quiet conversation where Rio and Jerrica reaffirm their love since Jerrica doesn't seem to feel that telling Rio that she is Jem is all that important.  Seriously, I'm sick of these two.  I almost want to see more of Kimber throwing herself at every man.  Almost.




As the episode concludes, Jerrica changes back into Jem and holds a bit of a press conference where she makes the announcement that she is a very private person and she likes to keep it that way.  She does admit to using a stage name, but questions what is more important.  Her real name, or the music she releases.  Unanimously, the crowd declares that the music is more important.  I wonder how much the Holograms paid them to say that.

Seriously, this episode right now is probably one of the worst ones yet so far.  Just when I thought we were getting into the groove (as the last four episodes of this series were quite enjoyable), they throw this turkey in the mix.  And honestly, this episode made me care less about Jerrica and Rio...more so than I did before.  It was just one giant mess.  At least I can say that the episode itself was factually correct and Wolfman did his research into the layout of New York City.  And to Wolfman's credit, there was quite a lot of background gags and spurts of humour mixed in.  Still...this episode had a weak plot and frustrating character development.

Here's hoping episode 17 is much better.  The Holograms are working on a new album.  And the Misfits decide to steal it.  This can't be good.

Tuesday, July 05, 2016

July 5, 1946

Are you ready for another edition of the Tuesday Timeline?  Believe me, I've got a topic that is sure to make all of you take notice for the summer - especially if you happen to be a male with ogling eyes.  Or, if you're a female with ogling eyes, that's okay too!

For now, let's see what sorts of things took place on July 5 throughout history, shall we?

1687 - The Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica is published by Isaac Newton

1811 - Venezuela declares its independence from Spain

1814 - American Major General Jacob Brown defeats British General Phineas Riall in Chippewa, Ontario

1884 - Germany takes possession of Cameroon

1915 - The Liberty Bell leaves Philadelphia by special train on its way to the Panama-Pacific International Exposition

1928 - Actor Warren Oates (d. 1982) is born in Depoy, Kentucky

1934 - Several striking longshoremen in San Francisco, California are shot at by police

1935 - President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs the National Labor Relations Act into law

1937 - SPAM, the canned luncheon meat, is first sold in stores

1940 - Diplomatic relations are broken between Vichy France and the United Kingdom during World War II

1943 - The Battle of Kursk takes place

1954 - Elvis Presley records his very first single "That's All Right"

1962 - Algeria declares its independence from France

1971 - President Richard Nixon passes a bill which lowers the voting age of American citizens from 21 to 18 years of age

1975 - Tennis player Arthur Ashe becomes the first African-American man to win at Wimbledon

1980 - Bjorn Borg becomes the first player to win Wimbledon for five straight years (1976-1980)

1989 - Oliver North is sentenced to a suspended prison term of three years, two years probation, twelve hundred hours of community service, and a $150,000 fine for his role in the Iran-Contra affair

1996 - A sheep named Dolly becomes the first mammal cloned from an adult cell

2002 - Baseball player Ted Williams dies at the age of 83

2006 - Actress Amzie Strickland passes away at the age of 87

2012 - London's "The Shard" building becomes Europe's tallest building, standing at 1,020 feet tall

And join me in wishing the following famous faces a happy birthday; Katherine Helmond, Shirley Knight, Robbie Robertson, Paul Smith, Huey Lewis, Goose Gossage, Jimmy Crespo, Patsy Pease, Doug Wilson, Bill Watterson, Marc Cohn, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Edie Falco, Susannah Doyle, Kenji Ito, Kip Gamblin, Rufus Arthur "Bizarre" Johnson, Pauly D, Jason Wade, Tess Holliday, Stephanie McIntosh, and Jason Dolley.

Okay, so how far are we going back in time this week?  Well, for some reason I feel like going back quite a way back.  Like, maybe six or seven decades in the past.



How about July 5, 1946?  That sounds like a delightful date.



And no matter what year it says on the calendar, July 5th could very well be a great day to spend at the beach.  Just think about it.  You're packing a picnic lunch, spending the day with the person you care about the most in the world.  The waves are crashing along the beach.  You can hear people laughing and having fun in the background.  And unless you are on a nude beach for whatever reason, you've probably got on a bathing suit.

When it came down to men's bathing suits, we started off with one piece suits that sort of looked like a union suit.  From there, they turned into topless suits with just the swim shorts.  For a brief period in the 1960s to the early 1980s, men wore Speedo swimsuits, but somehow the thought of swimming in a garment that covered less than our underwear didn't quite appeal to most men, so by 2016, most of us guys seem to have adopted the baggy trunk style of suit.



For women, their bathing attire was even more conservative, with some of the earliest looking swimsuits almost looking as if someone was marching in an Easter parade!  Sure, the bonnets, stockings, and dress design looked cute, but it was far from practical.  Later swimsuit designs for women looked a lot like the men's swimsuits from the early 20th century, but they still didn't show a whole lot of skin - which according to most people in those days was perfectly fine as too much exposed skin was considered taboo.

Well, it was 70 years ago in Paris, France that one man decided to destroy that taboo, and came up with a design for a women's swimsuit that broke all boundaries and made the uber-conservative population gasp in horror.

The man was Parisian engineer Louis Reard.  And his design was a little - and I do mean little - swimsuit that he christened the bikini.



Yes, it was seventy years ago today that the bikini was first worn by nude dancer Micheline Bernardini on July 5, 1946.  The origin of the name "bikini" stemmed from the place where the atomic bomb was first tested - Bikini Atoll. 



Interestingly enough, the bikini wasn't the first two-piece women's swimsuit to be released right around that time.  French fashion designer Jacques Heim had released his own depiction of the bikini - only he referred to his creation as the Atome - named after the smallest particle of matter.  Both the atome and the bikini were similar in creation as well as appearance, but with one minor detail.  The atome covered the belly button.  The bikini did not.  And given that Barbara Eden's navel courted a lot of controversy when "I Dream of Jeannie" first started airing in the 1960s, you can imagine the outcry when the bikini first made its appearance.

But you know, crimes against modesty aside (well, at least that was the charge that mobs of people protested against when the bikini was introduced), the bikini was actually a clever, economical way to manufacture swimwear during the fabric shortage caused by World War II.  Because sales of swimwear decreased as a result of the shortage, it was necessary to create a garment that still did what it was supposed to do, but with much less fabric. 



And although the atome initially outsold the bikini when it was first introduced, the changing tide of what was considered acceptable was starting to emerge as the turbulent 1960s made their debut.  By 1970, the bikini was very much considered a staple for beachwear, and by 1988, the bikini was considered the most popular style for female swimsuits.  And with famous faces such as Ursula Andress, Raquel Welch, and Brigitte Bardot began wearing bikinis in various films, bikinis certainly found their audience.  Women loved wearing them, and men loved to see women wearing them!

But of course, it did take time for the general public to warm up to them.  For a while, the bikini was only successful in France - mainly because some countries actually banned them from their own beaches!  At some point, the French Atlantic coastline, Spain, Australia, Italy, and Portugal all banned the controversial swimsuit from public beaches!  Obviously, those bans have all been lifted by now.  And I suppose a part of it could be linked to the feminist movement of the 1970s. 

I mean, think about it.  Up until that point, women were more or less forced to dress a certain way, act a certain way, work in certain jobs.  But once the feminist revolution kicked into high gear, a lot of those barriers were smashed into tiny pieces.  And while some might argue that the bikini swimsuit set the women's movement back several years and doesn't garner wearers of the swimsuit with any respect, I would argue that the bikini was a symbolic piece of clothing that allowed women to be free to wear whatever they wanted and not be judged for it. 

And let's face it...bikinis allow for much greater and faster movement in the water than those big and bulky swimsuit dresses of the early 20th century!



Though, I have to admit - while I do find bikinis sexy on women, I find one-piece swimsuits to be even sexier.  Maybe it's the number of episodes of "Baywatch" that I watched in my teen years talking, but the right cut of a one-piece suit can make any guy's heart drool.

As for me...no thanks.  I look terrible in bikini bottoms.

Sunday, July 03, 2016

Whatever Happened to Kim Wilde?

Okay, so it has been a couple of months since I've done a Sunday Jukebox entry, and the inspiration behind this one comes from hearing a song on the radio that I hadn't heard of in years, and wondering whatever became of the singer who sang the song in the first place.

I was listening to the radio while I was working on another blog entry at the time.  It was one of those online stations that celebrate the 1980s, as I am a huge fan of music from the decade of my birth.  Anyway, in between Platinum Blonde's "Crying Over You" and Sheena Easton's "Strut", came a song that was released the very same year I was born.  Yet, it was a song that I knew very well.  Back in my high school days, the radio station of my choice was Ogdensburg's PAC-93, and while these days it is known as a talk radio station, it was a Top 40 station that played an 80s radio program every Saturday night.  It was a program that I listened to while I was studying for history tests, writing essays, or figuring out algebra assignments. 

And as it so happens, one of the songs that this station played a lot of during that 1980s program was the same song that I heard just a few days ago.  Have a listen.



ARTIST:  Kim Wilde
SONG:  Kids in America
ALBUM:  Kim Wilde
DATE RELEASED:  January 26, 1981
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #25



"Kids in America" - a song that reached the Top 30 in America, and charted at the #2 position in the United Kingdom.  At the age of 20, this single was the debut of singer Kim Wilde, the daughter of British rock-n-roller, Marty Wilde.  And, it definitely would not be the last we'd hear from her either.



In 1986, Wilde recorded a cover version of The Supremes' single "You Keep Me Hangin' On", which topped the American music charts at the beginning of 1987 and also did quite well in several other nations all over the world.



And in 1988, Wilde also had some minor success in North America when she released the single "You Came".  It just missed getting into the Top 40 (it peaked at #41), but it was a hit in dance clubs all over the world.

But after she released "You Came", Kim Wilde came and went - at least here in North America.  It's been twenty-eight years since that single was released, and after listening to "Kids in America" recently, a part of me wondered...whatever happened to Kim Wilde?

Well, as it so happens, Kim Wilde is still around.  And believe it or not, she's still recording music.  Though she has also developed other interests over the years and has found great success in a completely unrelated field to music.  I'll talk more about that a little later.

For now, let's talk about how she entered the music business and how her career - depending on the country in which you call home - varied from lukewarm to red hot.

After graduating from St. Albans College of Art and Design in 1980, Kim Wilde's career ambitions took a bit of a detour when she was signed by Mickie Most to RAK Records - a recording studio that produced records for Herman's Hermits, Suzi Quatro, and Hot Chocolate among others.  "Kids in America" was released shortly after she began recording music there, and other hits such as "Chequered Love" and "Water on Glass" were hits in Kim's native UK.

But as she released more albums during the course of the 1980s, her career in the UK seemed to stagnate - though not as badly as it had done in North America where it just plain stopped until 1986.  Though she didn't earn a whole lot of success on the UK Charts, her single "Cambodia" became a #1 hit in France.  Several other singles charted highly in France, as well as Australia, Germany, Norway, Sweden, and Finland.  And despite the international success of her singles, Wilde departed RAK Records in 1983 after the release of her third album to disappointing fanfare.



Signing with MCA in 1984, Wilde's first MCA album, "Teases & Dares" charted well in France, Germany, and Scandinavia, but once again was virtually ignored in the UK.  This definitely was not Kim's fault.  She definitely had a pleasant enough singing voice that at the time was unique, and almost all of her songs were written by her father and brother, Ricky.  But a large part of her earlier struggles could have something to do with the fact that when she first started out, she did not do any promotional tours supporting her new material (though she would start performing live in late 1982). 

Of course, by 1986, we all know that it took a reworking of "You Keep Me Hangin' On" to bring Kim Wilde back into the UK (and American) spotlight.  Amusingly enough, although the song did breathe second wind into Wilde, Wilde herself wasn't all that familiar with the song, not even knowing the lyrics!  Of course, that worked out sort of in her favour because she could interpret the song her own way. 

And by 1988, Wilde released her most successful UK album with "Close", and some of the tracks that became hits were "You Came", "Hey Mister Heartache", "Love in the Natural Way", "Four Letter Word", and "Never Trust a Stranger".  And with the release of the album came a once in a lifetime opportunity for Wilde.  She would become the opening act for a certain entertainer for his European branch of his world tour.



That person?  Michael Jackson.  How is that for knowing that you've made it!



Sadly, as the 1980s turned into the 1990s, Kim Wilde's singing career began to falter.  Her 1990 album "Love Moves" was a complete failure, and the single above, "Time" became her lowest charting single ever.  It's unfortunate, because I kind of like "Time", but keep in mind that by 1990, she was competing with Madonna, Janet Jackson, Kylie Minogue, and Whitney Houston - all of whom had come onto the scene later than Wilde. 

Her 1992 album "Love Is" produced the Top 20 UK single "Love is Holy", but the effort was once again ignored by the general public.  In fact, Wilde's career seemed to hit a permanent standstill during the 1990s.  Her final single was released in early 1996 - a cover version of Evelyn "Champagne" King's "Shame".  After that, Kim Wilde faded from the pop music scene.


So, whatever happened to Kim Wilde?



Well, as I mentioned earlier, Wilde is still recording music - though most of the efforts seem to be cover songs as opposed to brand new hits.  Her most recent offering was released just in time for the 2013 holiday season with an album entitled "Wilde Winter Songbook" - which featured the same song that she performed on a subway car exactly one year earlier!



Seriously.  Here's the proof.


But in addition to her music career, Kim Wilde has also found success in landscape gardening.  Proving to have a green thumb as rich as her vocal abilities, Wilde's interest in gardening was trigged as a result of becoming pregnant with her first child and wanting to design a garden for them to be able to play in.  She starred in a gardening television series entitled "Garden Invaders", won several gardening competitions - including a Gold Award at the Royal Horticultural Society's Chelsea Flower Show in 2005, and even wrote a couple of books about the subject!

See...Kim Wilde is proof that you can find a second career where you might least expect it.

Friday, July 01, 2016

Jem Reviewed: Episode 15 - The Rock Fashion Book

Hello, everybody, and Happy Canada Day to those Canadians out there!  Hope you have a blast celebrating Canada's 149th birthday...just remember to do so safely!

I do wish that this edition of
Jem Reviewed actually took place in Canada to make this a themed entry, but no such luck.  But after what happened last week with the girls running away from Starlight House, I think we need a lighthearted one.



This is Episode 15:  The Rock Fashion Book.

So, remember back in episode 12 when Jem and the Holograms won that fashion contest in Italy by using Synergy to cheat for them?  Well, that contest win has helped the band secure a contract to publish a rock fashion book.  It's essentially similar to Madonna's "Sex" book, but without the nudity and poor taste.



They meet with publisher Robert Arlington to discuss the plans for the book, and at some point Jem has to change back into Jerrica to sign the contract.  But it seems as though all is a go.  The girls will be working with famous photographer Richard Carling and art director Soo Mi and will be going to several different locations to shoot photos for the project.  As well, Jem and the Holograms will be wearing Shana's designs, giving her some additional solo promotion as well.  It's always nice when someone other than Jem or Kimber get all the attention!



Word spreads quickly about the rock fashion book, and before you know it, Lindsey Pearce is talking about it on her music video show!  I bet everyone is excited about it!



Well, okay.  Almost everyone.

But it looks like the Misfits have come up with a solution.  They plan to go ahead and release their own rock fashion book before Jem and the Holograms can even get theirs finished so they can have the upper hand.  But leave it to Pizzazz to go one step further and send Clash out to the Holograms first location so she can gum up the works.  



That first location just happens to be at a marine park similar to that of Sea World.  In 2016, it's become a site for protests by animal activists, but back in 1986, it was known as a fun place to spend the day studying marine life.  But Clash seems to be more concerned about the fact that the prices to get into the marine park have gone up!  A whole ten bucks she had to pay!

Just putting it out there - in 2016, this would easily be eighty bucks.

Inside the marine park are Jem and the Holograms, Rio, Richard, and Soo, who are setting up the first photoshoot.  The Holograms are to get up close and personal with some playful dolphins!  To make sure that nothing goes terribly wrong, animal trainer Robin is there to ensure that no sea creature tries to eat Jem.



Kimber thinks the dolphins are incredibly cute and announces that she wants to take one home with her.  Gee, brilliant idea, Kimber.  Maybe it can share a room with Ba Nee or something. 

Though, one thing I will say about the marine photo shoot.  It leads straight into a halfway decent Jem video.



There's nothing quite spectacular about the composition of "Come On In, The Water's Fine" - at least not until you get to the bridge of the song.  However, the video's concept would actually be quite expensive to shoot had this been filmed live-action.  The person who sketched the storyboard for this video did a great job!



Unfortunately, while Jem and the Holograms are getting their photos snapped, Clash snatches the itinerary for the upcoming photo shoots for the book.  That way, she can sabotage every place that they go to. 



So the dolphin shoot was a success.  Now comes the hard part.  They now have to climb up to the top of what seems like a fifty foot platform and get some shots feeding killer whales.  This seems a little bit dangerous to me, but everyone seems to be gung-ho about it, so what do I know?



At first, the shoot with the killer whales seems to go swimmingly.  At least, that is until Kimber decides that she wants to be the main focus of the shot.  When she moves closer, she loses her balance and nearly slides off the platform.  She somehow manages to take Shana with her.  Jem and Aja try their best to pull Shana and Kimber back up onto the platform but Kimber and Shana ate one too many pancakes as breakfast and all four of them fall into the massive pool filled with the killer whales!  This...isn't good.

Of course, what would be worse is if the pool were filled with hammerhead sharks...but that would be too cruel!

Richard and Rio immediately dive into the pool to try and rescue everyone before they either drown or get squashed by some killer whales.  Again, the urgency would have been felt more had the tank been filled with sharks, but that's just my observation.



Kimber and Aja are quickly rescued followed by Shana (who seems to have found some styling gel that has kept her hair in perfect shape since episode 12).  But Jem is nowhere to be found.  Where could she have gone?

Oh...wait.  Another one of Synergy's weaknesses exposed!  Turns out that Jem's decision to take off her earrings during that Japanese mineral bath five episodes ago was a good one.  If the earrings get wet, they won't work.  Hence the reason why Jerrica is now underwater and not Jem.



When Richard and Rio are unable to find Jem, Robin comes up with a solution.  She pushes a button and releases the dolphins that were posing with Jem and the others earlier.  One of the dolphins carries Jerrica to safety before the whales have a chance to eat her or something.



Jerrica is totally waterlogged, but somehow manages to change back to Jem before Rio finds her because she's too afraid to tell him who she really is.  She even tells Rio to hold her tightly because Jerrica will understand.  Enabler, thy name is Jerrica Benton. 

So, the first photo shoot was a disaster.  And for once, Clash wasn't responsible.  It was Kimber and her "me first" attitude that caused this mess.  For punishment, she must swear off men for the next two episodes.  Hopefully their next stop in Washington D.C. doesn't end up a disaster.



Speaking of disasters, the Misfits are trying their best to take decent shots for their own rock fashion book, but they seem to have a problem with everyone who tries to help them.  Having learned nothing from the "Starbright" debacle, they fire their photographer and decide to go to a local amusement park and take their own photos. 

Of course, Roxy and Stormer are assigned to take the photos which makes Roxy fume with jealousy as Pizzazz will be in all the photos.  Narcissist, thy name is Phyllis Gabor.



The song that accompanies the Misfits photo shoot is a song called "We're Off And Running", and once again it is a solid Misfits hit.  I just wish that the photography skills of the Misfits was just as awesome as their music.  From out of focus photos to thumbs getting in the way, it seems as though every photo is one disaster after another.  It's going to be fairly difficult for the Misfits to be taken seriously. 



Actually, scratch that.  Try impossible.  The Misfits go to seventeen different book publishers in the area and all seventeen tell them that they aren't good enough!  That ought to put a few cracks inside Pizzazz's fragile ego. 

So, the Misfits plan to make their own book was a failure.  It's time for Pizzazz to come up with a new plan.  Since they can't publish their own book, she'll just get her father to buy out the contract that Jem is under so that they can take over their book instead.  Amazingly, Harvey Gabor says yes, thinking that it can be a great business opportunity.  I seem to remember that buying Pizzazz a movie studio was also a great business opportunity and look how well THAT turned out.



In Washington D.C., some scaffolding is set up in front of the Washington Monument, and Richard is busy snapping some photos of Jem and the Holograms pretending to play their musical instruments.  They have to play air band due to the fact that they aren't able to plug in power cords inside the monument.



Clash is nearby, hiding from the action.  At least, she is until she gets caught by a security guard driving what appears to be a golf cart.  Gee, would his name happen to be Paul Blart?  I know he uses a segway in that movie, but I'm fairly certain that they didn't exist back in '86.  



In what could very well be the most contrived scene ever in Jem history so far, security dude happens to lose control of the cart after spotting Clash and somehow crashes into the scaffolding that Jem and the others are standing on, severely damaging it to the brink of collapse!  You know, I would have probably believed it more had an earthquake struck D.C. instead, but we don't have time to think.  If that scaffolding collapses and Jem and the Holograms are still on it, they could end up wearing some fashionable metal jewelry right through their bodies!



Naturally, we can't have that.  With help from Soo Mi and the cop on the golf cart, Rio successfully manages to rescue the girls using a banner as a safety net, and everyone gets away in time before the platform breaks.  The Holograms are very annoyed by this and immediately suspect the Misfits are behind it.  Well, they're only partially right.  Clash indirectly caused the accident.

The next destination is the Grand Canyon.  Let's see...so far they almost drowned in a killer whale tank, nearly bit it at the Washington Monument.  Somehow sending them to the biggest bottomless pit in the United States sounds like a fantastic idea, right?



At the Grand Canyon, a helicopter lands on a rocky cliff, and Richard explains that no other rock group have ever taken shots at the Grand Canyon before so this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for them.  Although paralyzed with fear over the height, the Holograms go through with it, not realizing that in a cavern just below them, the Misfits are causing trouble.

We have absolutely no idea how the Misfits even got in that cavern.  It's not as if Pizzazz, Roxy, and Stormer scaled the side of the Grand Canyon!  Though given that Eric doesn't appear in this episode at all, maybe he dropped them off with a private jet and is waiting at the bottom of the canyon for them.  



Although the Misfits have gotten Pizzazz's father to buy the rights to the Holograms book (unbeknownst to them), they decide to sabotage the photo shoot anyway.  Pizzazz, Roxy, and Stormer come across a colony of bats and come up with the brilliant idea to throw rocks at the bats so that they will disrupt the Holograms photo shoot.  Okay, number one, that is cruelty to animals.  And number two, did they ever stop to think that some of those bats might have rabies? 

Surprisingly enough, the Misfits plan works.  The bats fly out of a cave opening right next to where the Holograms are doing their photo shoot and they launch an attack on them!  Aw, come on bats...I know you have every right to be upset, but the Holograms didn't do this to you!



But aside from the danger of getting bat poo all over Shana's designs comes an even bigger danger.  The bats are pushing the Holograms backwards towards the edge of the cliff.  If any of them fall off the edge, it'll be a situation that not even Synergy can save them from.



Though Jem definitely uses Synergy to buy them some time.  She instructs her to use high pitched sound waves to scare the bats away which works long enough for Rio and Richard to rescue them before the cliff gives way.  So, how many times does this make it now that the Misfits have nearly killed the Holograms now?  I lost count after six.



The Misfits are quite angry about it as well.  Not because they feel remorse, but because Jem's accident at the Grand Canyon made national news.  Nice, huh?  Well, it looks like the book transfer has gone through, so the Misfits decide to pay Jem and the Holograms a visit at their next stop, Nassau, the capital of the Bahamas.  If the Misfits decide to summon a hurricane to stop the Holograms, I'll eat my shorts.

Fortunately, it appears as though all is calm at Nassau.  Howard Sands is there to greet the Holograms.  Apparently he's on vacation there and wanted to see how they were doing.  And it turns out that he's just in time for the Misfits to make their grand entrance and announce that Harvey Gabor has bought out their contract.



Immediately, the staff of the book threaten to quit, but Pizzazz reminds them that they all signed a contract and the penalties could be quite stiff if they break them.  Howard Sands offers to try and find out what happened, but given his track record with handling crises, I wouldn't hold my breath.  Jem and the Holograms realize that they are at the mercy of the Misfits, and they begrudgingly accept any orders that they give them.



Of course, this leads to a montage of photos that feature Jem and the Holograms mopping floors, carrying the Misfits luggage, setting tables - basically what a layout of "Seventeen" magazine would look like in the 1940s.  Judging by the expressions on their faces, they would rather pour fire ants down their skirts.  It's quite painful and demeaning.



By the end of the day, everybody is angry at the fact that the Misfits have won, and resign themselves to finishing the project in agony.  That's why it is somewhat odd that Richard appears to be in a whimsical and wonderful mood.  It seems as though Richard has some secret ammunition that could get the Misfits off the project once and for all.  But to do that, they have to get all of his film developed in the dark room - you know, the way that photos were processed before the invention of smartphones and digital cameras.  And this ties in to the final song of the show.



I absolutely love the concept of "We Can Change It", and the song itself is quite good as well.  I think we have another episode where all three songs are winners.  Maybe there's something about the episodes having to do with fashion that seem to bring out Jem's creative side.  



And when Pizzazz comes to pick up her proofs, she and the other Misfits learn Richard's dirty little secret.  See, while Richard was shooting the Holograms, he took some shots of Clash indirectly causing the scaffolding collapse, as well as the Misfits throwing rocks at the bats.  In short, it is proof that the Misfits have sabotaged the very book that they convinced Harvey Gabor to invest in and purchase!  Oh, this is not looking good!



Sure enough, when Pizzazz announces that none of the photos they took turned out, Harvey Gabor is furious.  And when Harvey actually gets a look at the photos of the Misfits destroying the photo shoots, he sells the book right back to the original publisher leaving Pizzazz to sulk in the corner.  Honestly, it serves the lime haired princess right!  It's not often that I defend Jem, but in this case, I will definitely do exactly that.



The book is published and becomes an instant best seller, and Rio decides to pop in and surprise Jem offering his congratulations to her on the success of the book and lamenting that Jerrica isn't here to share in the good news.



Okay, seriously...is this REALLY going to go on the rest of the series?  Every episode ending with Jem giving the winky face over her fooling Rio?  This is getting annoying!

Although, I must admit...of all the episodes of the series I've reviewed so far, I do think this one is one of the best ones.  Aside from the whole bat incident, I can't think of a single thing to nitpick about this episode.  It's a solid plot from start to finish, and a nice continuation from "In Stitches".  It was also nice to see the Misfits follow through with a plan without Eric's influence.  Of course, Pizzazz is just as mean as Eric, but that's a moot point.  To be honest, I truly think that Eric Raymond may be the Misfits' Achilles heel, and I think that if they could cut him loose, they might be more successful.  It's an interesting hypothesis anyway.

Since I have no
Jem Trivia related to this episode, I'll just give out a random piece from the series overall.  Did you know that Samantha Paris does the voice of Roxy in the series (though she's credited as Bobbie Block)?  And did you also know that she has her own voice over training school in Sausalito, California called Voicetrax?  And that it was the school that helped Dionne Quan land her first voice role as Kimi in "Rugrats"?  That's quite impressive!  Ironically enough, Samantha also voiced Ba Nee, which is quite fun given how different the two characters are!


Coming up next week...Jem and the Holograms try out for the leads in a Broadway musical.  Yeah, let's just continue to believe the unbelievable, shall we?