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Thursday, September 15, 2016

The Ryan Lochte Conundrum

I have to admit, while I do find myself being captivated by some aspects of reality television, one show that I have never really gotten into was the show "Dancing with the Stars".



I get why it's so popular.  For those people who love ballroom dancing, it's a great way to whiskey tango foxtrot into the lives of professional dancers, and just how physically demanding a career in dance can be.  For the celebrities who perform, it's just a taste of what the professionals have to endure, and I think most of them walk away with a new appreciation for what Cheryl Burke, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, and Derek Hough do for a living.

And let's face it, "Dancing with the Stars" is a great way to revitalize a stale career.  Many of the celebrities who compete on the show were in a lull in their careers, and now it seems as though they are back in demand again.  Even some of the professional dancers have become famous themselves by competing on the show season after season! 

Of course, there are some examples in which people have appeared on that show because their names were linked to something scandalous, and appearing on the show is their way of trying to redeem themselves and reinvent themselves, which depending on who it is can be a good thing.

Of course, I'm not expecting to see O.J. Simpson, Phil Spector, or Jared the former Subway guy on the show anytime soon - mainly because all three of them are still behind bars.  But, I think you get my point.  I'm not really against fallen stars, washed-up child stars, and disgraced athletes competing on shows like "Dancing with the Stars" because in all honesty, many of them are good people who have made some mistakes that damaged their reputation and personal brand, and they're trying to fix it.



I suppose you could say that Ryan Lochte is one of those people.



By now, you probably know the tale of the disgraced Olympic athlete.  Before the 2016 Rio Olympics, he was a valued member of the American Olympic swim team, and over the last few years won twelve medals for his accomplishments - half of which were gold.  During the 2016 Rio Olympics, he and a few of his teammates were involved in a bizarre incident in which he claimed that they were robbed, but later on admitted that the story was a fabrication.  After the 2016 Rio Olympics, his golden star was left tarnished, as major sponsors dropped him left and right.  As of September 15, 2016, Lochte still isn't out of the woods yet.  He still faces charges of providing a false robbery claim which could net him a year and a half in prison if convicted.

To say that 2016 wasn't a good year for Lochte would be a bit of an understatement.

I must admit, when Lochte was announced as one of the celebrities taking part in "Dancing with the Stars", I didn't know what to think.  I admit that there was a part of me that thought he was crazy for even doing it given the scandal he created, but I'm thinking that his name was put on the final callbacks before the Rio incident happened.  And many people just assumed that he was only going through with it just to repair his reputation - which, you have to admit is not really that far off.  But at the same time, I don't begrudge him for that.  Do I think that him appearing on the show will give him instant redemption?  Probably not.  In fact, what happened in Rio will likely haunt him for several years after the fact.

At the same time though, I can't help but feel that he has major cojones for going through with it.  I mean, he's already going into the competition with people jeering him and shooting daggers at him.  Add to the pressure of competing against a group of other dancers who know their stuff and that is a lot on your plate.  So, in a way, I do have to commend Lochte for having the courage to go through with it.  Yes, he could have dropped out, but I do like the fact that he stayed to tough it out.  It doesn't make what he did in Rio right, but that's really on him to figure out what to do about that.

This being said, I would never purposely sit in the studio audience of "Dancing with the Stars" to egg him on and wish failure on him.  That's putting too much negative energy out in the open, and frankly the world needs a lot less of that.  If you don't like him, that's all fine and dandy.  Don't call his voting number.  Don't watch him on television.  And especially don't charge towards him on stage while Carrie Ann Inaba is trying to give out her commentary.  And to the two men who did just that on the last episode of the show as well as the people in the audience who were also causing havoc in protest of Lochte's appearance, I'm going to say that you're no better.




Seriously, that whole incident was absolutely ridiculous, and honestly I don't care what the motivation was.  I don't think that Lochte, his partner Cheryl Burke, host Tom Bergeron, or the entire judging panel of "Dancing with the Stars" deserved it.  It was disrespectful, and on a personal level, that display did nothing to endear yourself to me whatsoever because it was a silly thing to protest to begin with!

Protest to bring more rights for all people.  Protest to stop the passage of laws that take rights away.  Protest the outrageously high electricity costs that Ontario has to deal with!  That would get more of a stamp of approval from me!

Besides...Lochte didn't even do that great in his first dance.  It's possible he could improve, but the likelihood is that he won't last the whole season anyway.  I guess that kind of makes the protest seem a little bit lame in the grand scheme of things, doesn't it?

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

September 13, 1985

It's-a-me!  Matthew!  And today on the Tuesday Timeline, I've got a subject that has brought the fun and the games to the modern day world!

Of course, that's your only clue.  I don't want to be a real Goomba and spoil the rest for you.  Instead, let me take you on a small historical journey through past September 13th.  Shall we get started?

1501 - Michelangelo begins work on his statue, David

1541 - John Calvin returns to Geneva after being exiled for three years to reform the church under Calvinism

1609 - Henry Hudson reaches the river that would come to bear his name - the Hudson River

1743 - The Treaty of Worms is signed by Great Britain, Austria, and the Kingdom of Sardinia

1759 - The Battle of the Plains of Abraham takes place

1814 - Francis Scott Key composes the poem "Defense of Fort McHenry" during a crucial battle in the War of 1812; the poem would be the basis for the creation of "The Star-Spangled Banner"

1848 - Phineas Gage survives having an iron rod being driven through his brain - the incident prompts more studies in how the brain works

1898 - Hannibal Goodwin patents celluloid photographic film

1899 - Henry Bliss becomes the first person to die in an automobile accident

1922 - The Great Fire of Smyrna begins - the event would eventually lead to the conclusion of the Greco-Turkish War

1925 - Musician Mel Torme (d. 1999) is born in Chicago, Illinois

1939 - Actor Richard Kiel (d. 2014) is born in Detroit, Michigan

1948 - Margaret Chase Smith becomes the first woman to serve in both the United States House of Representatives and the United States Senate

1956 - The IBM 305 RAMAC is introduced

1987 - In Golania, Brazil, a radioactive object is stolen from an abandoned hospital which inevitably spreads sickness and death to many people over the next few weeks

1988 - Hurricane Gilbert - which struck in the Caribbean and the Gulf of Mexico - is named the strongest hurricane in the Western Hemisphere - at least until 2005 when Hurricane Wilma was recorded to be even stronger

1989 - Desmond Tutu leads South Africa's largest anti-Apartheid march

1996 - Rapper Tupac Shakur is shot and killed in a drive-by shooting in Las Vegas, Nevada, aged just 25

1997 - Elton John's "Candle in the Wind 1997" is released worldwide

2001 - Aircraft services for American civilians is restored following the 9/11 terrorist attacks

2008 - Hurricane Ike makes landfall in the Texas Gulf Coast, causing massive damage

2013 - The United States consulate in Afghanistan is attacked by Taliban insurgents leaving two dead, and twenty injured

And for celebrity birthdays, we have the following turning one year older today; Barbara Bain, Robert Bedard, Eileen Fulton, Don Bluth, David Clayton-Thomas, Jacqueline Bisset, Peter Cetera, Noel Godin, Frank Marshall, Anne Devlin, Jean Smart, Randy Jones, Don Was, Anne Geddes, Kim Genelle, Geri Jewell, Bobby Davro, Tavis Smiley, Annie Duke, Jeff Ross, Zak Starkey, Tim "Ripper" Owens, Roger Howarth, Tyler Perry, Louise Lombard, Stella McCartney, Joe Don Rooney, Fiona Apple, Swizz Beatz, Ben Savage, James Bourne, Niall Horan, and Robbie Kay.

Okay, so what's the date that we will be warping back to this time around?



Why, September 13, 1985!  Yes, I think that's a fine date to Lakitu...erm...I mean, look back to.

After all...it was the date in which one of my all time favourite video games was released.  And in the 31 years since that day, that one little video game has spawned a franchise that includes no more than two hundred different games overall!  Not bad for a little plumber from Brooklyn, huh?

Okay, have I given you enough clues yet?  Have you solved the riddle?



It's a him!  Mario!  And on September 13, 1985, Super Mario Brothers was first released in Japan!

Before I go any further with why I love this game so much, as well as some of the tricks and gimmicks the game has (which most of you probably already know), I think we should look at how the game was created.



Even though Super Mario Brothers was released in 1985, the character of Mario is a little bit older than that.  He made his first appearance in a Nintendo game in the year 1981.  Only back in those days, he was known as Jumpman trying to save his girlfriend from Donkey Kong. 



Two years later, he appeared in the video game Mario Bros, along with his brother Luigi, where the goal of the game was to go through the maze of New York City sewers and take care of the nasty creatures that live down there by jumping underneath them, kicking them, and smashing gigantic POW blocks to take care of several of them at once.

As for how that transitioned into Super Mario Brothers?  Well, that came about as a result of the two men who created the game - Shigeru Miyamoto and Takashi Tezuka.  Because in Japan, the Famicon system (which we come to know as the Nintendo Entertainment System) was outdated and the following system in Japan - the Famicon Disk System - was set to be released in early 1986, the team decided to create Super Mario Brothers as a way to say goodbye to the Famicom.

(Of course here in North America, we never received the Disk System.  The Nintendo Entertainment System remained supreme until 1991 when the Super Nintendo first hit stores.)

There was also a growing demand for platforming games around that time, and the electronic games industry was just beginning to bounce back again after the Video Game Crash of 1983 - an event that nearly toppled the computer gaming industry.  And Super Mario Brothers was quite revolutionary at the time as it was one of the few video games that employed side-scrolling technology.  Whereas most video games prior to 1985 were fixed screen games, Super Mario Brothers allowed you to go through thirty-two levels of what seemed like a gigantic electronic world.

And as we all know, that world became The Mushroom Kingdom. 



Now, everybody knows what the goal of Super Mario Brothers is.  You as Mario (or Luigi if you're playing in two player mode) have to speed through the eight worlds in the game to try and rescue Princess Toadstool from Bowser's evil clutches.  Of course, Bowser has an army of troops that will stop you from getting there from mushroom shaped Goombas, to Koopa Troopas and Paratroopas, to Lakitus throwing spiny shells to Buzzy Beetles that JUST. WON'T. DIE.

Fortunately, there are power-ups scattered throughout each level.  Mushrooms will make Mario grow twice his size.  Fire flowers will cause Mario to shoot fireballs at anything that dare crosses his path.  And Starmen will grant Mario invincibility for at least twenty seconds, which can really aid Mario in getting through some of the toughest areas.



(Well, all except the underwater stages of 2-2 and 7-2...there are NO power-ups in either level.)

There are other notable worlds to be mentioned as well.  World 1-1 acts as a tutorial level, where you learn the basic mechanics of the game.  Worlds 1-2 and 4-2 are underground levels, where you can find the Warp Zones that will allow you to skip the world you are currently in and play on.  And on the fourth level of each world is a castle filled with fire traps, Podoboos, and the occasional lava pit, where you have to defeat Bowser at the end - and where you want to punch Toad in the face for his "our princess is in another castle" speech that he says at seven of the eight castles.

Now for some tips and tricks - which granted, most of you probably know already...but what the heck, I'm going to post them anyway.

1.  1-UP Mushrooms are extremely hard to find in this game.  Most of them are found in hidden blocks.  There's actually one in World 1-1.



2.  Or if you wait until 3-1 where there are two Koopa Troopas walking down the stairs, you could get infinite lives that way.  You just have to stomp on them and kick them a certain way...

3.  There is a Minus World that one can access if they find a way to bypass the Warp Zone in World 1-2...but it's really not worth it because once you get in the Minus World, you can NEVER LEAVE...

4.  Every one hundred coins Mario collects, he receives one extra life.  This is a mechanic that still continues to this day.



5.  At the end of every non-castle level is a flagpole.  The higher you land on the flagpole, the more points you earn up to a maximum of 5,000.

6.  If you want to see a fireworks show at the end of a level, you have to hit the flagpole at the very moment your timer ends in 1, 3, or 6.



7.  There is more than one way to kill Bowser.  The obvious way is to leap over or run under him to grab the ax that chops the bridge down...but if you have fire power, just shoot him with a bunch of fireballs.

8.  Are you tired of getting attacked by Bloopers (those squids in the underwater levels)?  To avoid them, don't bother swimming!  Just run along the floor and they cannot touch you!  Just don't forget about the Cheep Cheeps (the green fish).

All in all, it was the video game that turned the video game industry around.  And until Wii Sports was released in 2006, the game held the record for the video game that sold the most copies - with well over 40 million sold.  Of course, part of the reason could be Nintendo's decision to market their game consoles with a copy of Super Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt.

At any rate, this is a game that is so beloved by so many people, including myself.  I still remember the theme song, the fun I had playing the game (well, at least until level 8-2, which at the time I found IMPOSSIBLE), and the amount of time and money it took me to save up for it.  I was nine when I first got my Nintendo, and it took seven months of birthday gifts, allowances, and tooth fairy money to save up for it.

All this time later...I still think it was worth every penny.



Happy 31st birthday, Super Mario Brothers!

Monday, September 12, 2016

Monday of Munsch - Purple, Green, and Yellow

I've always considered my brain to be more wired towards the arts rather than the sciences.  Let's face it, my grades in art classes were always much better than in any biology, chemistry, zoology, or any class ending in -ogy.  The only thing I liked about chemistry class was the idea of certain chemicals blending together to make awesome colours.  Of course, there was always the risk of getting blown up, but at least you get to see the most perfect shade of green before that happened.

I can remember all the way back to when I was a kid, I really didn't have much interest in playing with toys.  Oh, sure, I played with my Tonka trucks outside happily.  I built several hundred things with my Legos.  My imagination went into overdrive with any and all Fisher-Price toys.  And anytime I played the board game Life, I always had the best life out of anyone I played...until I came to the sobering conclusion that my life in Life was more exciting than the life I was currently living.

And yet nothing would give me greater joy than going down to the store, buying a 500 pack of lined paper, and a package of new markers.

Seriously, I would have rather played with art supplies than with toys.  Even today, I still feel this way, and have what seems like a storeroom filled with crayons, coloured pencils, acrylic paint, and markers - in both permanent and washable!  And, occasionally when I was a child I would get so into drawing pictures or writing stories with my markers that I would inevitably get marker streaks of purple, green, and yellow all over my hands, arms, legs, and maybe even my face at time or two!



Say, purple, green, and yellow...that reminds me of another Robert Munsch story.  And since every Monday in September is Munsch Mondays, I think this would be a great opportunity to feature the book Purple, Green, and Yellow!

Now, the story itself is one that has all the elements of a great Robert Munsch story.  It's got a good lesson to learn, it's got an inquisitive protagonist, and it's got lots and lots of humour.

The story is about a little girl named Brigid who loves markers of all kinds.  She loves markers that are scented, markers that are magic, markers that are brightly coloured, and markers that are permanent.  But Brigid's problem is that any time she finds a marker that she likes, they always run out or fade away, and that is just not acceptable to her.

As most of us know, most markers are washable, meaning that they can wash off underneath a running faucet and a little bit of soap.  They can also come out of clothing via washer and dryer.  But Brigid wants a marker that will NEVER come off.  No matter how much soap one uses, no matter how long one spends in the shower, and no matter what laundry detergent one decides to use.

She manages to find a set of markers deemed "Super-indelible-never-come-off-'til-you're-dead-and-maybe-even-later" markers that are guaranteed never to come off.  And considering that every marker she has used prior to this always got scrubbed off by her mother, Brigid decides to put this to the test by covering her whole body with colourful marker designs.  And when her mother orders her to wash off all the colour, she inadvertently washes off EVERYTHING to the point where she becomes invisible!

Now, I have to say that I have never gotten any marker like that...but truth be told, I completely understand Brigid's pain.  Do you have any idea how long it took me to go back to school shopping when I was a kid?  Hours.  And the reason why it took hours was because I wanted to get supplies that no other kid in the class had.

Now, granted, this was easy in elementary school.  In third grade, I was the only kid who didn't have anything New Kids on the Block related. 

But trying to find the perfect supplies was almost like a challenge.  And what was worse was that I had to do it on a limited budget.  After all, I grew up in a working class family and had to get the most bang for my buck.



I think when it came down to finding the perfect markers though, while Crayola and Laurentien were both excellent brands, my favourite had to be the Mr. Sketch ones.  Not only because they had awesome scents for eleven of the twelve (I still hate the licorice scented one all these years later), but because those markers last forever!  I bought a package of them like twenty years ago, and two of the colours still write perfectly twenty years later!

Of course, those two colours were yellow and pink, which were the two colours I used the least...but still, they last a long time!

I'm sure Brigid would have approved!

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Fifteen Years On

I had fully intended to post this blog a lot earlier than now, but when you have a massive storm system arriving at your door that knocks out power for seven and a half hours, I'd say that's a good enough reason for a delay.  Hoping those who had tornadoes touch down on them made it through relatively unscathed.

Of course, as I look outside my window in my house, I see that the sun is shining brightly, the temperature is right where it should be this time of year, and the day looks like it is going to be absolutely perfect - especially given the wacky weather we had last night.

It just reminds me of how it was fifteen years earlier.  I was only 20 years old then, but it too was a beautiful, gorgeous day filled with great promise, fun, and happiness.



It seems hard to believe that in a flash, that promise would be forever destroyed along with the World Trade Center in New York City.  I can't believe it has been fifteen years since the 9/11 terrorist attacks which saw over three thousand people lose their lives in planned terrorist attacks in New York and Washington D.C. - it seems like only yesterday that we all heard the news that changed the world as we knew it.

The question is...what have we learned in the fifteen years since the 9/11 attacks?

Well, that answer is going to vary from person to person depending on where you were, what you were doing, and how close you were to the attacks when they unfolded.  Not everybody will react the same way, and that's absolutely awesome. 

All I can tell you is what I've learned since then.  And the only thing that I can tell you that I took from that is that life is fragile, and it is temporary, and that we never really know when it is going to be taken away from us.

I just feel that life is too short to be spent wasting it on doing things that are detrimental towards your fellow man, woman, or child.  I think that instead of trying to find ways to bring people down, we should focus on building them up.  I know with some people, that is a challenge in itself, but I believe that it's so important to try and surround ourselves with positivity instead of negativity.

I also feel that life is too short to limit yourself in who you spend time with.  The lunch table of co-dependence might be a great way to socialize for now, but there's going to come a day in which you'll be the only one at the table.  Would you be willing to interact with other people who you aren't familiar with, or allow yourself to open yourself up to people who you might not feel you click with initially?  Who knows?  That person you used to snub could become your new best friend.

Life's also too short to make people feel like they are beneath you.  Honestly, the whole idea of a person being better than another because of looks, brains, talent, and bread winning potential is absolute garbage to me, and anyone who does put so much value in those things isn't really someone that I would open up to.

And life is way too short to take your loved ones for granted.  After all, many people woke up the morning of September 11, 2001 not realizing that this would be the last time that they would ever see their family members or friends ever again.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is this.  Don't let life pass you by.  Make the most of what time you have left.  Spend it with those you love the most, but don't be afraid to let a few new people in as well.

Friday, September 09, 2016

Jem Reviewed: Episode 25 - Culture Clash

Can you believe there's only two episodes left in season one of Jem Reviewed?  Time flies, doesn't it?  And now that we've seen what happened at the Jem Jam, it's time to see what adventures Jem and the Holograms will embark on this week.



It's time for Jem Reviewed Episode 25 - Culture Clash.  And right off the bat, we're going straight into Jem Trivia.  You might notice that the episode is written by David Wise.  He's got a huge background with animation, and at the time of this episode airing, he was working on the Transformers cartoon.  He also was a part of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon.  So, if this episode's plot seems strange and unbelievable in certain places, that's the reason why.



Anyway, Jem and the Holograms are back in New York City for the first time since episode 16, though this time around they aren't auditioning for a Broadway show, nor are they hiding from people who want to know Jem's secret identity.  They're in town to film their latest music video for a song that is called "I Believe in Happy Endings", and they're supposedly working with a creative director who is one of the hottest new artists to come onto the New York City art scene in years.  Quite impressive.



Naturally anything that involves the Holograms having success means that the Misfits have to be there to throw a spanner into the works.  In fact, Pizzazz makes it clear that she will make every single day of the Holograms' two week stay in the Big Apple totally rotten to the core.  How...sweet?



Inside of a limo that is carrying the Holograms are Video Montgomery and Anthony Julien, who are also working on the music video.  We also find out more about the creative art director who is working on the video, one Fitzgerald Beck.  Anthony Julien and Video can't praise him enough, telling Jem and the Holograms that they are lucky to have him on the project.



But after seeing some of Fitzgerald Beck's work on the television set in the limo - which includes men in latex Power Ranger costumes beating themselves on the noggin with wooden spoons, Kimber is already starting to think that he's a bit of a weirdo.  Considering that Kimber herself is a bit of a weirdo, that's saying a lot.



Once the group arrives at a party that is hosted by Fitzgerald Beck, the weirdness continues.  A sneaker wheel statue plays footsies with Aja.  Robots made of gumball machines and vacuum cleaners hobknob with the guests.  And some random guy starts taking a chainsaw to a baby grand piano.  Jem and the others are thinking - if this is what "art" is nowadays, they maybe should have filmed their video at the Louvre in Paris.

Instead, they're at New York City, and they're about to film their video in front of one of Manhattan's gigantic office buildings.  Jem is quite annoyed that in the two days they've been in the city that Fitzgerald Beck hasn't bothered to make an appearance to even so much as say hello, but they're on a schedule so they best just perform "I Believe in Happy Endings" and get on with it.



On the roof of the building, a man with a unique hairstyle and even more unique clothing sense orders a couple of men to tip a couple of vats upside down as the Holograms are performing.  



The vats contain several hundred gallons of paint which dye Jem and the Holograms in brilliant shades of red, purple, green, and yellow.



The man slides down the side of the building the same way that Spider-Man would after rescuing Mary Jane from Mysterio and formally introduces himself as Fitzgerald Beck to Jem, who is seeing red...and purple...and green.  Let's just say his first impression wasn't a good one.

Fitzgerald Beck does get another chance to prove himself as the Holograms agree to give him another chance to film the video.  Only this time, he's arranged for the Holograms to play their song as they sail along the Atlantic Ocean...on a garbage barge.  Okay, I know art is meant to be subjective, but I seriously question Fitzgerald Beck's mental stability here.  I don't think the Bangles would have even filmed a video on a garbage barge.  But since Jem and the Holograms made a commitment, they have to see it through.



Unfortunately, while Jem and the Holograms are talking with Fitzgerald Beck, the Misfits have sabotaged the controls of the garbage barge.  This can't be good.



So, Jem and the Holograms are once again singing "I Believe in Happy Endings" while trying to hold their noses at the rotting garbage that is piled up behind them.  And at first, things are going smoothly.  At least, that is until the garbage barge speeds up and gets too far away from Fitzgerald Beck's boat.  Fitzgerald Beck quickly realizes that he can't control the barge, and Jem and the Holograms realize that they are about to crash into a cruise ship!  Wait, didn't they already do this plot twist in "Kimber's Rebellion"?

Fortunately, Jem, Aja, and Shana apparently have read a few book on how to repair the controls of a garbage barge in between concerts, and they somehow manage to get the controls working again.  However in the process of steering the barge away from the cruise ship, Kimber nearly flies over the side of the boat!



Shana manages to keep Kimber from drowning in the Atlantic Ocean - again - as Jem and Aja steer the boat to safety.  What's interesting is that Kimber is wearing the same exact outfit that she wore the day that she almost got eaten by killer whales.  Maybe Kimber should probably burn those clothes forever.



At any rate, the Holograms have had their fill of Fitzgerald Beck and Jem tries to be calm about it by telling him that while they know he means well, they also think he's a menace.  That's not calm.  That's harsh!  Even Anthony Julien wants to cut ties with Fitzgerald Beck before he kills them all with his creativity...however, Anthony recognizes that they made a commitment and they have to stick with it.  After all, there's still another thirteen minutes left of this show.



We are then taken to an art gallery - Castello Gallery - which is owned by a woman named Maria Castello.  Maria is having a meeting with Fitzgerald Beck and she is demanding that he step up his production schedule.  She's ordered several statues by Fitzgerald Beck that she needs for her gallery and is less than impressed that he has decided to spend more time on the Jem and the Holograms music video.  Something tells me that this is part of the reason why Fitzgerald Beck appears to be stressed out all the time.  But why would Maria want Fitzgerald Beck's artwork so badly?  I mean, it's all made from random junk...who could possibly love it that much?



Oh, I suppose only a person with a junky personality like Eric Raymond would.  He shows the Misfits the only piece of Fitzgerald Beck's artwork he could afford and talks about how he has arranged a deal with a man named Alex Falk to store several pieces of Fitzgerald Beck artwork at Eric's warehouse in New York for him to admire. 



It's not until the meeting between Alex, Maria, and Eric that us viewers are clued into what is really going on...and it takes the Misfits who have tagged along for the ride to help us understand.  The plot is quite intricate.  It appears as though Alex and Maria are operating a diamond smuggling ring in the city that is sure to net them millions of dollars in illegal riches, and they've decided to use both Fitzgerald Beck and Eric in their scheme.  With the stolen diamonds stuffed inside of Fitzgerald Beck's statues, and Eric agreeing to store them in his warehouse, it gives both Alex and Maria the perfect opportunity to continue their scheme.  And even if the police discover the operation, they'll just pin it on Fitzgerald Beck.  It's quite an elaborate scheme, and I have to admit that up until now, I was about to dismiss this episode as yet another "Intrigue at the Indy 500".



To make things even more interesting, while Eric is blissfully ignorant to the smuggling scheme, the Misfits figure it out right away, and Pizzazz comes up with the idea to surprise Jem by having the sculptures appear on stage while the Holograms perform their latest concert so that they'll be charged as accomplices.  Well...I suppose it wouldn't be the first time this happened, as Jem was almost arrested for burglary in "Frame Up".  In fact, I get the feeling that a lot of this script was formed by reading old Jem scripts...and suddenly my hopes for this being a good episode drop again.



Although this does lead into a Misfits song.  And unlike Jem's many attempts at "I Believe in Happy Endings", the Misfits actually get a full song in with "Surprise! Surprise!".  It's no surprise that I love Misfits music in general, and this song is really fun.  Well, maybe not fun for Jem and the Holograms, but it's a throwback to their "Makin' Mischief" days which is always appreciated.



It's time for the Jem and the Holograms concert, and everybody is there including Video, Anthony Julien, and the Misfits.  Interestingly enough, Fitzgerald Beck is not present, but his statues are.  And once more, Jem and the Holograms attempt to sing their song "I Believe in Happy Endings".  The question is, will they finally make it to the end of the song without being interrupted?



I'm guessing that little remote control that happens to be in Stormer's hand will probably make the answer to the above question a big fat no.  As soon as Stormer pushes the button, all of Fitzgerald Beck's creations explode on stage.  I really wish I knew how the Misfits knew that the statues were rigged with explosives or where they even got the explosives in the first place, but within a matter of moments rubies, sapphires, and diamonds rain down on the stage as a shocked Jem and the Holograms look on.



As soon as the police happen to see the jewels on stage, they investigate the scene of the crime and deduce that the jewels have been stolen.  Jem and the Holograms are immediately apprehended and put on house arrest at their hotel until further investigation takes place, which includes locating Fitzgerald Beck and arresting him for the diamond smuggling ring.



Of course, Jem and the Holograms can't let that happen, but with a burly New York City cop standing guard, it's not as if they have free reign to move around.  But Jem gets the idea to knock on the wooden coffee table and using Synergy's help to project a hologram of Fitzgerald Beck to distract the cop long enough for Jem and the others to escape.  



Surprisingly, the plan works...though Jem and the others are now fugitives from the law.  I guess they didn't plan this out very well did they?  Nor do they seem to have any faith in Fitzgerald Beck.  They don't believe that he had anything to do with the diamond smuggling because they can't believe that he is that intelligent to come up with that scheme.  Ouch.  Furthermore, when they brainstorm ideas over where Fitzgerald Beck could have gone, Kimber tries to tell the others to think of where the dumbest place that he could have gone.  Double ouch!



They eventually find him in his own studio where he is crying about the fact that nobody respects him, nobody likes him, and they think his sculptures are garbage.  Oh, and there the fact that there's a warrant out for his arrest, but priorities, right?  Jem tries to comfort the dejected artist by telling him that she even thinks that his artwork is...well, cute.  Wow, Jem.  Just wow.  But of course, Fitzgerald Beck seems to misinterpret Jem's forced kindness as Jem confessing her love for him.  Oh, why do I get the feeling this is not going to end well?

Before Jem can slap Fitzgerald Beck in the face, he remembers something.  He remembers his meeting with Maria and how desperate she was to get his statues to her gallery...and he suspects that the reason why is so she can continue the diamond smuggling operation.  Jem and the others are thrilled that they finally know who the real culprit is so they can clear their names.  But when the police come and try to break down the door, they know they have to act fast.



Fitzgerald Beck seems to know where he can get more of his creations to help them out, and he and Jem activate every single one while they are still on the run.  Fitzgerald Beck even has a special one that he hasn't had the chance to debut until now.  I don't know why this is important, but it's time for Operation: Nab Maria to begin.



The first step is to go to the Misfits Music headquarters in New York City (I'm assuming Starlight Music must have office space there as well), and get proof that Maria is the smuggler.  Thanks to Aja and Kimber sneaking into the control room of the recording studio, they record Eric's whole conversation with the Misfits that outs Maria.  Now, technically, the Misfits and Eric would implicate themselves by proxy as being accessories since they knew about it, but we're just going to pretend that conversation never happened.



Next stop is Maria's apartment building where Jem sneaks inside and projects a hologram of Eric Raymond right outside of Maria's door.  When Maria sees Eric, she is absolutely frightened at what he has to say.  Jem makes the Eric hologram tell her that Fitzgerald Beck has been apprehended by the police and that he has told them that he has proof that Maria is the diamond smuggler and that the police are on their way.  Maria is so scared that she runs right through the Eric hologram and out of the building!



Jem and the Holograms follow her to a nightclub on the other side of town, and Fitzgerald Beck announces that Maria owns the club.  And the club is one that seems to attract a lot of - interesting people.  There are punks, ravers, and one person who seems to wear a sandwich board proclaiming that in 1900 the end was near.  How...pessimistic.  And ironic given that Jem has never had the chance to finish her "I Believe in Happy Endings" song.



Maria runs into a room that is entirely covered in mirrors, and she slides open a secret panel revealing even more jewels, diamonds, necklaces, and bracelets.  It's almost as if she has an entire Kay Jewelers store inside of her club. 



Well, Jem is not about to give her any kisses that begin with K.  Nor is Fitzgerald Beck, whose robot sculptures start to attack everyone and anyone in their path, including a burly security guard at the club.  By the time the police infiltrate the club, the security guard is thrown through the glass walls onto the bar.  I have to say, this episode has had its ups and downs, but I'm liking this part.



But Jem's definitely not liking the part where the police arrest her instead of Maria!  Jem insists that they have the wrong person and that Maria is the real culprit, but Maria has closed up her mirrored glass safe which hides all of the evidence.  And without any evidence, Maria can't be charged.  What is a pink haired gal to do?



Fortunately, one of Fitzgerald Beck's statues decides to help out by using the hammer attached to its head to smash the glass walls out revealing the stolen jewels. 



And when Maria tries to escape, it's time for Fitzgerald Beck's latest creation to make its debut...a robot cop armed with stop signs and a rope launcher that ties Maria up tighter than an unruly bull!  Naturally, this all but proves that Fitzgerald Beck and Jem are not responsible, and all charges against them are dropped.  Meanwhile for Maria, orange will become the new black.



Back at Fitzgerald Beck's studio, despite everything that happened, Jem gives him the tough news that not only are they letting him go from the video shoot, but that she is seeing someone else.  Someone else named Rio.  Who also happens to be seeing Jerrica Benton, but that's okay because she and her are one in the same.  Wow, way to break his heart into seventeen pieces, Jem!  But she gives him encouragement to keep creating his wonderful, yet incredibly strange creations...which I guess is as close to a happy ending as we can get.



Speaking of which, we finally get to hear the full version of "I Believe in Happy Endings", and...well, it's fairly anticlimactic.  The melody is great, and Britta Phillips sings it with passion, but I've heard this song so many times already that it just sort of goes flat. 

I got the impression that this episode was much like that song.  There are some really good parts, and some really bad parts.  Averaging it out, I'd give it a C minus - the same grade that Eric gives the Misfits recording session!



Next week is the final episode of the first season of Jem Reviewed.  And, that episode can be summed up with two words.  Glitter and Gold.