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Thursday, April 12, 2018

Unnatural Athleticism

I know it has been a while since I've written in this space, and since my last entry, a lot has happened.  Perhaps one of the most tragic events to have taken place was the deadly bus crash in Saskatchewan which killed sixteen players and affiliates of the junior hockey team The Humboldt Broncos.  To pay tribute to the team, as well as sending support to the survivors of the crash, I will be writing this blog entry in the colours of the team - green and gold. 

And I will also post the link to the official GoFundMe page for the team.  As of this writing, it has already raised over nine million dollars!  Just click on the link below to donate.

https://www.gofundme.com/funds-for-humboldt-broncos

Another thing that people have been doing to show support to the Broncos is placing hockey sticks outside of their front porches, and wearing hockey jerseys of their favourite teams.  And while I think this is a lovely gesture of showing support, the most that I can even do is wear the team colours to work later on tonight.

The truth is...I don't own any hockey sticks, and I don't have any hockey jerseys.  In fact, I don't really own any sports equipment at all - well, except for a basketball that I won back in 1989 after collecting all of the hockey cards for a contest our local hockey team hosted.



Truth be told...I wasn't a natural athlete.  I'm still not a natural athlete.  The thing about it is that these days, I'm perfectly okay with it and have made peace with it.  And I'll explain why that is the case at the end of this entry.

But I wasn't always okay with not being athletically gifted.  Truth be told, I absolutely hated it once upon a time.

I think from an early age, I realized just how much of a lack of co-ordination I had.  My balance skills were always off, I had a lack of motor skills.  I didn't learn to swim until I was 21 years old, and I never really learned how to operate anything with wheels.  Well, except maybe a skateboard...which I used to pull my stuffed animals around. 

It wasn't until I got into school that I realized just how poor an athlete I was (and how cruel kids could really be, but that was a different issue altogether).  I was always the kid that was picked last for sports teams, but was always the first kid to be knocked out during a rousing match of Super Swedish Dodge Ball.  Yeah, just add insult to injury there. 

It also didn't help matters much when we were playing games like baseball or volleyball and the kids we were playing against would purposely move up towards the net or towards the diamond - silently antagonizing you and making you feel as though you were going to choke - when 99% of the time, that's what happened.  Okay, I get it.  I sucked at sports.  Did you really find it necessary to rub it in my face?



The worst was when we had the special sports days in school where we all had to take part in various track and field events, and the top three finishers would win various awards and medals for their effort.  In almost every single event, I came in dead last.  The only event that I placed in was the bowling event - and the school I attended didn't even have a prize for it because it was a last minute addition and they didn't see it as a sport worth rewarding! 

(I often wonder if they created that bowling event just to appease terrible athletes like myself...)



The most I could hope for was a participation ribbon.  And I am the type of person who absolutely HATES participation ribbons because they serve as nothing but devices to reward mediocrity.  It's like an award that says "you have zero talent, but here's a prize anyway because we feel sorry for you".  At this point, it would have made me feel less awkward getting nothing out of it.

And, of course, the ultimate insult.  My grade for gym was a C-minus.  Completely destroying my grade point average for eighth grade graduation in which it was the only grade on my report card that wasn't an A.  I still recall getting my final report card in eighth grade and cursing the school for putting so much importance on physical education, and I think the 14-year-old me deemed it an injustice that I even had to take gym class in the first place because there was no way that I would ever get an A in the subject no matter how hard I tried.

Mind you, now that I'm an adult, I understand just how important physical education is, and I get why I didn't do so well.  Partly it was my fault.  I knew I couldn't compete with all of the jocks in the class, so after a while I just stopped trying. 

But I think that there were other things that prevented me from being a great athlete.  I was chunky as a kid (and let's face it, I'm a chunky adult now).  That slowed me down a lot.  I also had asthma, which caused me to lose my breath a lot quicker than other kids my age.  And let's face it...having poor hand/eye co-ordination was more of a curse than a blessing.

But you know what?  It's all good now.

So I'll never win an Olympic gold medal, or wear a Super Bowl Champion ring, or even win the Boston Marathon.  But there are other things that I know that I am good at, and part of navigating through life is figuring out what makes you great and going towards that dream with every breath inside of you.

We all have it in ourselves to be great - regardless of whether you can catch a ball or not.

Friday, April 06, 2018

Recapping One Day at a Time - Episode 10 - Sex Talk


I am so excited to be doing the tenth episode recap for Recapping One Day at a Time because in my opinion, it is probably one of the best episodes of the whole season!  It's extremely funny with lots of laugh out loud moments and touches on a subject that some shows would find too taboo to talk about.  But since it airs on Netflix where broadcast codes are more lax, they can and will get away with it!



This is Episode 10:  Sex Talk.  I'm thinking this episode must be about sex in some form.  The fact that the show opens with Penelope and Schneider almost has me worried that they will be the ones engaging in coitus, but thankfully I'm wrong!  Penelope's cutting coupons while her mother is out at the opera with Dr. Berkowitz, and Schneider announces that he's given up his cell phone, social media, and laptop to live the unplugged, simple kind of life.

Which lasts for all of thirty seconds as he asks to borrow Penelope's laptop to look up some business that threads eyebrows.  Yeah, because that's what EVERYONE Googles.



So imagine everyone's shock when Schneider opens up the laptop on the table and there in plain view is a pornographic film!  Whoops!

Penelope is outraged that Schneider would watch porn in her apartment, but Schneider reminds her that he was using her laptop - and creepily praises her for her taste in snuff films!  Yeah, not really helping me see you as any less of a creep there, Schneider.  Was Pat Harrington ever like this in the original series?

But Penelope comes to a rather shocking realization.  The laptop with the porno film on it belongs to Alex!  Oh, I think I see where the title comes from now.  It's time for Alex to have "the talk".



Problem is that Penelope is dreading the idea of sitting down with Alex to talk about it.  Creepy Schneider tries to soften the blow by saying that at least Alex was watching normal porn, but given that the movie featured a threesome, I have to wonder what the heck Schneider classifies as "abnormal".  Penelope is stressed because she recalls the talk that she had with Elena being a disaster.  She tells Schneider the story of how Elena asked her what a period was, and Penelope was honest and explained how periods work - only for Elena to then ask what an exclamation mark was!  Schneider once again tries to soften the blow by telling Penelope that at least Elena didn't ask what a colon was.  Oh, seriously, Schneider.  Not helping.



By this time, Lydia and Dr. B. arrive home from the opera and initially start by telling them about what a wonderful performance it was, but Dr. B. wants to find out who the actors were in the opera so he marches towards the computer to Google it.  Penelope and Schneider try to stop him from using it, but it's too late...



...and oh my stars, has Dr. B. ever gotten an eyeful!  He'll be scarred for life.

In fact, he makes such a big deal about it that Lydia asks what Dr. B. was watching and somehow it gets twisted around that Alex was watching a Disney film!  I'll translate it in the funny lines section, but take it from me, it's hilarious!

This opens up a conversation that is filled with some creepy moments about how Schneider gives us too much information about what he did when watching Jane Fonda workout videos - seriously, why is Schneider such a perv in this episode?  But it also involves some candid conversation between Penelope, Dr. B., and Schneider about how the Internet has made pornography easier to access by teenagers - which is a fair point.



Of course, the conversation also sparks curiosity in Lydia who wants to see the video.  The above screenshot kind of illustrates just what she thinks of it.  The additional "burn this" comment after she watches it adds to the hilarity of it all.  Leave it to "One Day at a Time" to infuse lots of humour in the mix.



I suppose that now would be as good a time as any for Alex to come home.  And when he sees Penelope, Lydia, Schneider, and Dr. B. staring at him, he freaks out thinking that a bug is crawling all over him!  But after Penelope sends the two men and her mother away from the living room, she drops the bomb.  She wants to talk to Alex about sex.



Cue the obviously embarrassed and mortified Alex grabbing a blanket to put over his head.  I think that at first Alex is being a little overdramatic but after hearing Penelope try to explain sex to Alex I can see why she is really BAD at giving these talks!  I could probably do a better job explaining the birds and the bees and I don't even have kids!

After the painfully awkward conversation, Penelope talks to Alex about the threesome video on his computer, and it becomes clear that Alex didn't download the video.  For one, Alex doesn't even know what a threesome is!  And for another, he claims that his mother installed software that lets her see what content Alex and Elena are downloading.  Which proves to be a complete fabrication, but Penelope goes with it because she wants Alex to think that she is a responsible parent.  Of course, this leads to a quandary.  If Alex didn't download the porno...and if Penelope and Lydia didn't, who did?



Enter Elena who has just arrived home and said that she's going to bed, and I think we have the bandit in plain sight.



Judging by this screenshot, I think Lydia has discovered the truth too. 



By this time, Penelope is at work discussing the situation with Dr. B., and as it so happens Scott and Lori are there as well.  Though let's face it - Penelope is clearly the one with the common sense in the room.  Penelope mentions very briefly that she knows that Elena is seeing a boy named Josh, but that they've only kissed a couple of times and thinks that this is all that is going on.  To which Scott replies sarcastically that Elena is lucky that she happens to be seeing the one teenage boy in America that likes just kissing.  Yeah, I'm reminded of why Penelope doesn't like Scott very much.  But it does get her thinking about what might happen if Elena decides that she wants more, given that she seems to have developed an interest in watching pornography on Alex's computer.

Oh, and Lori talks about how she was a "virgin" when she got married, and often uses quotation marks to emphasize bullet points in her rather unusual conversation leading to a brilliant face from Penelope.



Yeah.  That's the one!

After that rather weird portion of the episode, Penelope arrives home desperate to talk to Elena.  However, Lydia informs her that Elena is not home.  She has gone over to Josh's place to have a movie night with him and his family.  Seems fairly innocent to me.



Well, at least that is until Alex lets it slip that Josh's parents aren't home and Penelope freaks out and rushes out to the Flores residence to try and stop Josh and Elena even though she literally has zero idea what is going on.



Naturally, the Flores front door is locked, which makes sense given that as of this moment Josh's parents seem to have more common sense than Penelope does! 

Of course, when you consider Penelope's viewpoint, it's easy to see why she might jump to those conclusions.  After all, when you're looking through the front window and you see Josh, Elena, and an unknown girl sitting on the sofa and you realize that Elena watched a racy movie featuring three people...well...yeah, let's just say that Penelope isn't in her right frame of mind.



Which she proves by crawling through the doggy door of the front door and screeching Elena's name at the top of her lungs, scaring the three people on the couch nearly to death!  



Of course, when one's mind plays tricks on them, they sometimes fail to see the obvious.  Because the three people on the couch were Elena, Josh...and Josh's little sister!  They were sharing a bowl of popcorn, and actually watching a movie!  Shocker, I know.  And to add insult to injury, Josh's parents and the family dog turn on the lights and see Penelope stuck inside the doggy door in front of a clearly embarrassed Elena!  Oh, if I were Elena, I would just want to wish that a bus ran over me at that moment.



Penelope tries to explain herself by claiming that she just came over to give Elena her jacket in case she got cold...which might have worked if Elena wasn't already wearing a jacket.  And on her way out, we learn that Penelope accidentally took out the Flores mailbox with her car!  I'm thinking Penelope must have been a real badass in the service.



When Elena returns home, she is undoubtedly furious at her mother for humiliating her in front of Josh - and to be honest, I can't blame her.  Penelope messed up.  Though part of that is Alex's fault as he realized that he confused Josh B. for Josh F.  Anyway, Penelope realizes that now is the time to sit down with Elena and confront her with what she knows.



Naturally when Penelope tells Elena that she knows that she was watching porn on Alex's computer, Elena's reaction is basically enough to confirm that yes, she was the guilty one.  She even admits to using Alex's laptop because she was worried about her own computer contracting a virus.  Wow, the writers of this episode really did their research with this one - and part of me wonders HOW they conducted this research!  But by this point, Penelope seems to be okay with it and is calmly talking with her about sex when Elena admits that she has had zero interest in having sex whatsoever.

Which causes Penelope to rejoice in relief and grab Elena in a huge hug...which is hilarious for the audience to watch, and creepy for Elena to experience. 

But it's not long after this that we hear the real bombshell of the conversation.  As Penelope prods Elena to open up, Elena reveals that she likes Josh as a friend, but she's not into him that way.  In fact, she reveals that she's not sure if she'll ever fall in love with a man.  Furthermore, she tells Penelope that when she envisions herself in love with someone...she sees the other person as another woman!



Yes.  This is the episode in which Elena comes out.  And at first, Penelope just stares in silence.  Then she curses herself for giving Elena the wrong sex talk again!

But then she does something that makes me applaud her.  She takes Elena by the hand and tells her that she will be there for her no matter what and that she will be by her side through this.  And while Elena happily breathes a sigh of relief at having come out of the closet, I get the feeling that Penelope might have some reservations about it - which I hear is common for parents whose children have come out to them.  



And of course revealing the truth to Lydia could be an even LARGER challenge.  And here's something to look forward to.  In Episode 11, you'll see more of this developing story come to light.  But wow...what a fantastic episode.  As I said before, this one is definitely my favourite episode of the season so far because it allows massive plot development for Elena, and a ton of laugh out loud moments.  So many that I've actually included SEVEN funny dialogues instead of five.  Enjoy!

PENELOPE:  My sweet boy is becoming a gross man!
SCHNEIDER:  But hey, silver lining, it's normal porn.
PENELOPE:  A threesome is not normal.
SCHNEIDER:  Okay, fine.  It's aspirational.

DR. B.:  (After watching the movie on the laptop)  I feel compelled to tell you that this is not my computer.
SCHNEIDER:  No, it's Alex's.  That's what we've been talking about.
LYDIA:  What?  What about Alex?
PENELOPE:  Mami, don't worry.  It's not really a big deal.  Alex was watching a racy movie.
LYDIA:  Cars 2?
SCHNEIDER:  More like Cars 3.

LYDIA:  Okay, show me.
PENELOPE:  Yeah, that's not happening.
DR. B.:  Lydia, you asked me to turn away when you buckled your shoe.  This is not for you.
LYDIA:  Por favor.
PENELOPE:  No, mami.
LYDIA:  Mira, I was married for over 40 years.  If anything, it is a shame that Berto and I went unrecorded.

PENELOPE:  Where's Elena?  I really need to talk to her.
LYDIA:  You should.  She is a porno.
PENELOPE:  I think I know what you're saying, and it's not fair 'cause when you thought it was Alex, you said it was healthy.
LYDIA:  Well, boys are supposed to want the sex.  Girls are supposed to pretend that they don't want the sex.  Read your Bible, for God's sake!

PENELOPE:  Oh, just so you know, some maniac drove over your mailbox.  But they left 50 bucks, so that seems fair, right?

ELENA:  Mom, I'm not having sex.
PENELOPE:  Oh, thank God!  You're way too young.  And guys are really bad at it in the beginning anyway, not that I want you to be with an older guy. 
ELENA:  MOM, STOP TALKING!!!

ELENA:  It was just, I realized that if I was going to be into a boy, it would be Josh.  I mean, he's cute, and he's sweet, and he's such a gentleman, but I feel more when I look at a picture of Kristen Stewart than I do when I kiss him.
PENELOPE:  No wonder you saw those Twilight movies so many times.
ELENA:  Definitely wasn't for the quality storytelling.

Wednesday, April 04, 2018

Cyberspace for Generation X

Sometimes, I think it was better that I experienced my teenage years in a world where the Internet was fairly new. 

When I was a teenager, there was no such thing as Google.  We used Yahoo and Alta Vista as search engines.  We didn't have high speed unlimited Internet either - we had to use dial up modems and pay by the hour!  Shocking, I know!

There was no Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or even MySpace back in those days.  Heck, back when I was a teenager, having a private e-mail account was considered ritzy!

And we certainly didn't have teenagers trying to make a meal out of Tide Pods or snorting condoms up their noses.  And if there were teens in my generation doing this, I'm thankful that we had no way of showing the world.  I mean, I grew up with teenagers using condoms as water bombs - and I thought THAT was strange.  But then, I suppose that every generation had stupid things that they did when they were that age. 

But still.  There was something about the early Internet that was endearing - even though looking at it now, you'd think it was totally ancient.  And that's what this post is about.  The internet of my teen years - which took place largely in the 1990s.



I still remember the first time I ever used the Internet.  It was...ahem...twenty-one years ago.  My god, I said that with a straight face without breaking into a panic attack about how quickly time is passing us by.

Anyway, it was September 1997.  I had just turned sixteen a few months ago, and I was enrolled in a "Computer Communications" course in high school - which is essentially a fancy way of saying "Learning How To Use The Internet".  The first time we learned about how e-mail worked, and how search engines worked, and what websites were was absolutely fascinating to me.  I absolutely loved every minute of that class.

Now, the Internet at that time was still in its infancy, so there were only a few basics that we could be taught.  There was hardly any online shopping available, music streaming was still a couple of years away, and forget about YouTube.  It didn't exist back then.

What did exist was the various HTML links and Shockwave Flash technology that everybody used to make beautiful websites, and as our final project in that class, we had to make our own website!  A daunting task for the sixteen year old, but certainly one that I found exciting.

As it turned out, my website was quite the job well done, and I scored an easy A+ on it.  Unfortunately I do not have visual proof of this website as back in 1997, none of us knew how to take a screenshot!  But trust me, my website was brilliant.

And to be fair, a lot of websites that existed back in the 1990s were well done for their time.  And then there were some that you look at and you wonder what sort of drugs the designer was on.



I've looked through Google (ironic since Google wasn't around when I started using the Internet) to find screenshots of actual websites that existed between 1996 and 2000 to showcase what websites looked like back then, and whether they would fly in a 2018 world.  (Short answer, no.)

Okay, let's take a look at some of the treasures I've found from the cyberspace of the past.



Ah, Yesterdayland.  This is a site I know all too well, as I was a member of it back in the day.  Made some of the greatest friends ever from that site.  As you can see, the early design of that site was pleasant to look at, and for people who loved pop culture of the past, it was the foundation for endless discussions about anything you wanted.  Sadly, the site doesn't exist anymore.  It closed up shop for good in 2003.  But at least screenshots can show you its former glory.

(I suppose posting this entry on April 4 would have some irony to it, given that many of the websites like Yesterdayland would come up with a 404 message.)



Coca-Cola also gets a passing grade from me.  I have no clue when this website was up and running, but I think the company did a fantastic job with it.  The logo is bold and bright, the fonts are easy to read.  Someone clearly had a lot of web design background at corporate headquarters!



Wow...remember when Bob Dole tried to run for President in 1996?  And how he lost to Bill Clinton that year?  I'm not saying that the design of his official website was what pushed voters to vote Democrat instead of Republican that year, but this website design is sort of bland.  I mean, yes, it's designed well and it's easy to read...but it's format is typical for that of a politician's website.



Oh my goodness, I don't even think my eyes can stand looking at this screenshot for much longer than a second and a half.  The bright orange text in a font that is more or less unreadable combined with bright green font on a patterned background?  Yikes!  Not good at all.



And can we just say that I'm so glad that Domino's Pizza has greatly improved their web design over the last twenty years?  I mean, seriously.  This website looks like it was designed by a six year old boy!  I'm trying to justify this design and yet when I see Coca-Cola's website from that same time period, I just can't do it!  Horrible even for 1990s standards!



Motion pictures often used the Internet to promote their films - even back in the 1990s.  Here's a website for the SpaceJam movie - which believe it or not is STILL available to use. 

The website is below.

https://www.warnerbros.com/archive/spacejam/movie/jam.htm



Oh, dear...who knew that Walmart had a website back in the days in which Walmart was still hyphenated with a star?  And who knew that the website would look so incredibly dull.  This would be the equivalent to watching paint dry.



And finally...remember Amazon?  Of course you do.  It's only the biggest online retailer in the world with millions of orders being placed and shipped per day.  But back in 1996, the website for Amazon was not exactly the most eye-catching page to exist.  I mean, if we were going to judge a company based on their website design alone, I'd be unconvinced that this company would last any longer than a couple of years.  What a difference two decades make, huh?

So, as you can clearly see, the world on online searching has evolved and the Internet of 1996 is a prehistoric archive of cyberspace gone by.  The kids of today probably think that we were primitive cavemen back in the day, but this was the Internet as we knew it back then.  And honestly, it wasn't all that bad.  

Friday, March 30, 2018

Recapping One Day at a Time - Episode 9 - Viva Cuba

Hello, everybody!  Happy Good Friday to those of you who observe Easter.  For my Jewish friends, a happy Passover to you all.  And for everybody else, happy regular Friday to you!  We're back on schedule with the Recapping One Day at a Time feature.  In Episode 9 - entitled "Viva Cuba", this episode is all about being proud of where you come from.  In the Alvarez family, it's all about being proud of being Cuban-American - though one member of the family wonders if that's enough.  We'll get to that in a second.  For now, we need a bit of a sight gag to introduce the show.



Well, Schneider bringing in a chair might qualify.  After all, Schneider eats at the Alvarez family apartment so much that he may just as well move in.



Ah, but wait.  Schneider is wearing a T-shirt with the image of Che Guevara on it.  It's actually the same picture that was on a poster on my roommate's side of the room during my brief university career.  As most people well know, Che Guevara was quite the polarizing figure in history.  While some see him as a figure of rebellion and revolution, Cubans don't quite see him the same way, and the entire Alvarez family chastises Schneider for even wearing such a shirt in front of them.  Though to be fair, Schneider is a bit of a space cadet.



In fact, it's not until Alex compares the situation to that of someone wearing a Kanye West shirt at Taylor Swift's house that Schneider finally gets it and takes the shirt off.  Which leads to an awkward scene of Lydia rubbing Schneider's topless body after he apologizes.  Yeah, let's cut to the intro!  Gloria Estefan, save us!

After the intro, we find out that Elena has some huge news to share with the family, but before she can get one word in, Alex grabs Penelope and Lydia away to share his news.  He has been assigned a class project in his class where they have to do an independent study on a country of their choice.  Since he got second pick (and the first kid in front of him chose America), he decided to do his project on Cuba, delighting Lydia.



Alex has opted to film a video as opposed to writing a report (mainly because it's less work), and he wants to interview Lydia on her experiences immigrating to Cuba as a child, which Lydia absolutely agrees to.  Penelope is just happy that Alex seems to be developing an interest in school.

In fact, Penelope and Lydia are so caught up in Alex's video idea that they completely forget about poor Elena!  I have a feeling that this happens a lot.



Anyway, Penelope apologizes and asks Lydia what is up.  It turns out that Elena has been nominated for the Voices of Tomorrow program - which Lydia amusingly mistakes for the television show "The Voice".  No, Elena's referring to a competitive writing program in which only thirty students get selected in the entire country.  This makes Penelope whoop with excitement.

And when she discovers that the program is all expenses paid, it makes her whoop even louder!



Penelope is so happy that she goes to the wall of achievements in the hallway affectionately known as the Alvarez Museum.  As you can see, the wall is mostly filled up with Elena's achievements since it's implied that she is the brainy one of the family.  Apparently there's also a box filled with all of the kids' baby teeth that Penelope and Lydia tell them they will use to make necklaces for their spouses to wear at their weddings, but we learn that this is merely an inside joke.  At least I hope that's the case.

At work, Penelope is telling Lori, Scott, and Dr. B. about Elena's huge opportunity and it prompts everyone to share the dreams that they had when they were younger.



For instance, Scott had a dream of joining the X Games as a street luger.  Okay then.  Dr. B. always wanted to be a master of song parodies just like his idol, Allan Sherman.  The "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" guy.  I'm sorry, but Weird Al Yankovic did much better parodies.  Oh, and apparently Lori's dream is to learn to read...or so Penelope jokes anyway.  Yeah, Lori's still kind of a ditz and we wouldn't have her any other way.

When it comes to Penelope though, she says that her dream was to become a full-fledged doctor.  She was well on her way to doing that, but then Elena was born, and she fought in Afghanistan, and she made several sacrifices to help Elena and Alex have the best life possible.  She may have settled for being a nurse at Dr. B.'s office, but she's okay with it.  I don't know...I get the impression that we'll be revisiting this plot line a little later.



Back at the Alvarez place, Alex is using his cell phone to record Lydia talking about her life in Cuba.  Schneider happens to be there too because apparently he forgets that he has a home in this episode.  Again, I see this happening a lot.



Lydia is in the middle of telling a story to Alex about how when she first came to America from Cuba, she was initially separated from her beloved Berto, but the day they were reunited with each other, there was an earthquake.  Lydia suggests that the earthquake was a sign that they were meant to be together, which Schneider seems moved by.  In fact, he's so moved that he tells Alex that a cell phone camera wouldn't do Lydia's story justice.  He proposes a solution.  Schneider will help Alex film his video complete with costumes and expensive camera equipment.  And Alex decides that this is a good idea and lets Schneider work his magic.  I just hope Schneider doesn't end up doing all the work.  Alex's final grade might end up being a D minus!

But here's some exciting news!  Penelope has arrived home carrying a letter has come from the Voices of Tomorrow!  This is where Elena discovers if she got into the program.  And Elena and Lydia are so excited that they nearly bowl Alex over to get to the letter!



It seems as though it's wonderful news as Elena discovers that she HAS gotten into the program!  And much celebration and rejoicing is sure to follow...



...at least until Elena finishes the letter and comes to a stunning conclusion.  Not only has Elena been chosen to be a part of this experience, but she has been selected as the diversity candidate.  Now this should be a good thing, but Elena deduces that they only chose her because she's Cuban.  Of course, this makes Lydia excited because she thinks that they are finally giving people awards for being Cuban!  But Elena's bummed because she wonders if they only gave her the opportunity because of her nationality instead of her talent.  Penelope thinks this is ridiculous and that she should take the opportunity, but Elena is genuinely torn.  I understand her frustration a little bit, but when given an opportunity like this, you shouldn't turn it down without getting all the facts.



And you probably shouldn't put the letter in a frame and put in on the wall of achievements without consulting people first, Lydia!!!

Penelope is not sure of what to do about following her dream of being a doctor, and certainly listening to Dr. B.'s lame parody songs about honey glazed ham and zumba classes certainly doesn't help.



Make it stop.  Please make it stop.



Anyway, Penelope has decided that the time is right to pursue her dream of becoming a doctor, and naturally, Dr. B. is excited about it.  But unfortunately for Penelope, Dr. B. paints a strong picture of reality for young Penelope.  In order for her to achieve her dream, she'll be spending anywhere from seven to eleven years in medical school, which includes a residency in who knows where.  That, plus she'll have two hundred thousand dollars of student loans to pay back.  Ouch.  But hey, Dr. B. doesn't worry about that.  He'll be dead before he pays back the full amount!  Well, that's one way to look at it, I suppose.  But for Penelope, she's more confused than ever before.



You want to know what else is confusing?  Alex's video.  Schneider is setting up a green screen which means that he's incorporating special effects in the video?  My goodness, he's doing a video on Cuba, not filming the next James Bond movie!



Elena's furious because Schneider has dressed her up like Carmen Miranda.



And Penelope's not amused at having to dress up like the mascot from the Colombian coffee commercials.  As she scoffs, she looks like Cousin Consuelo.  The same cousin that she made fun of last episode in her therapy group.  The female cousin with a giant beard!  But at least she's being a good sport about it unlike Elena.



In fact, the video shoot opens up a bit of an argument between both of them when Elena tells Penelope that she is turning down the offer given to her by Voices for Tomorrow.  Given Penelope's reaction, it's like Elena told her that she walked down the street and shot eighteen pedestrians.  Penelope is outraged that Elena is walking away from a good opportunity to do something remarkable, and Elena in turn is furious that her mother can't seem to see that the reason she was offered the position was because she's Cuban.  It ends with Elena storming off to her room and Penelope running after her to yell at her some more.  I'm guessing that this too is normal for the Alvarez family.

So, Penelope and Elena are not available right now.  May as well get Lydia's close up in.



Wow...SOMEONE thinks that they're the star of the production, don't they?  But you know, Lydia does look beautiful in her costume.  And since she's 85% of the subject matter, I guess it does make sense.  At least Lydia will have some interesting stories to tell.

Sure enough, when she tells her story, she goes into a little bit of Cuban-American history which I have to admit I didn't even know prior to this episode.  Then again, I'm Canadian, and we didn't touch upon much American history, so this explains my slight ignorance.  Lydia explains that she immigrated to Cuba with her sisters during "Operation Peter Pan" (or Pedro Pan, as Lydia refers it to).  This was a period that took place shortly after Fidel Castro became the leader of Cuba, but before the Cuban Missile Crisis.  Thousands of Cuban immigrants eighteen years and younger were sent to live in the United States for hopes of getting better opportunities - hence the name Operation Peter Pan after the fairy tale where Peter Pan takes the children to Never Never Land. 



Alex comments that it must have been hard for Lydia, not because she had to say goodbye to her birthplace, but because she was the oldest and somehow she had to look after her sisters by herself.  And while Alex's comment was innocent enough, it causes Lydia to pause in her tracks and become incredibly reflective.  Penelope comes out and asks Lydia if she is okay, and Lydia lies and tells her that she's fine.  But I can tell that she's really not.  There's something that happened during Operation Peter Pan that really shook Lydia up to the point where it has made her sad.

It's not until later that night that we understand why.  Hope you have your Kleenex boxes handy because the performances between Rita Moreno and Justina Machado will make you teary eyed.  Well, okay...they made ME teary eyed.



As Lydia looks through an old photo album, Penelope sits down and encourages her to be open and honest with her about everything, and Lydia explains that filming the video made her think about her sister, Blanca.  Penelope is confused at first because she doesn't even remember a Blanca.  But Lydia explains that Blanca was her older sister.  At the time Operation Peter Pan was happening, Blanca was nineteen years old.  As a result, she was unable to take part as she was one year older than the cutoff age.  So Blanca had to stay behind in Cuba while Lydia and her younger sisters left.



Sadly this was the last time that Lydia would see Blanca as she passed away when Penelope was just a baby.  And Lydia feels heartbreak every time she thinks of her.  She was told when she was boarding the plane not to look back, but to look ahead, and she wishes that she could have looked back at Blanca one last time if she knew that it would be the last time they would see each other.  By this point, Penelope is crying alongside Lydia and it leads to an emotional bonding moment.  It's such an outstanding scene and it explains why "One Day at a Time" is doing so well on Netflix.

Of course, since Lydia's room is only separated by a curtain, naturally anyone can hear what is coming out of there.  And when Penelope opens up the drapes, she sees Schneider, Elena, and Alex listening.



As it turns out though, it was a good thing.  After hearing her Abuelita's story, Elena realizes that she was too hasty in turning down the Voices of Tomorrow, and she makes the decision that she will take the opportunity after all - as a proud Cuban!  Awwwww!



Some time passes and Alex is debuting his video for his class.  The entire Alvarez family, along with Dr. B. and Schneider have come over to watch the video, and everybody is very impressed by Lydia's story.  And for that matter, Alex and Schneider did a great job with the production!



And Penelope should stick to treating patients because she is a horrible actor!



But it's good news for all.  Elena's taking part in that program, and Alex earned his first contribution to the Alvarez Museum - his script for the project earned him an A+!  Awesome job!



Schneider actually tries to give Penelope a framed photo of the producer of the film to hang up as well, but Penelope is like...no. 



But Penelope has decided to make a huge decision.  She has decided to go back to school - but instead of being a doctor, she'll be studying to be a nurse practitioner.  As Penelope explains, it'll be a step up from the job she is currently doing but with a pay hike and with her getting her degree in a much shorter timeframe than eleven years!

So as the episode ends, we learn that dreams can be achievable, but sometimes they come with great sacrifice.  Penelope sacrificed her dream to take care of her children, but she's on her way to making up for it.  Alex put forth a lot of effort in his project and it paid off with a great grade.  And I'm sure we don't have to relist all the sacrifices Lydia made for a better life.

Coming up next week, someone gets busted for watching naughty videos on the Internet!  And it's NOT Schneider!  I'll let you ponder that while you read the funniest lines of Episode 9.  Enjoy!

PENELOPE:  I am in a good mood because Elena is up for a very competitive writing program.  It's pretty huge.  She wants to be a journalist.
LORI:  Like on E! News?
PENELOPE:  No, like someone who writes the news.
LORI:  So, like Us Weekly?
PENELOPE:  At least you're reading.

PENELOPE:  What's that?
DR. B.:  Lyrics.  I was so inspired by our conversation yesterday, I started writing parody songs.
PENELOPE:  Doc, there's, like, 20 patients waiting outside.
DR. B.:  Just tell me which one you like better.
(Sung to the tune of Salt 'N' Pepa's "Whatta Man")
DR. B.:  What a ham, what a ham, what a ham, what a mighty honey glazed ham.

ALEX:  It doesn't really seem like you're a farmer.
PENELOPE:  'Cause I'm not really a farmer.
SCHNEIDER:  It's not too late to recast.
ALEX:  You auditioned and didn't get the part.  Move on, man.

ELENA:  You're making us out to be total stereotypes.  We're not this different from everyone else.
PENELOPE:  Elena, get over the diversity thing.  A committee of people think you're a smart Latina, and they wanna help you achieve your dreams.  How is this not a good thing?
ELENA:  Because I only got chosen to fulfill their race quota!  They probably think I dress like this, and that I came over on a raft, rolling a cigar, and yelling "Say hello to my little friend!"

LYDIA:  It is I, Lydia Riera, the most famous dancer in Cuba.  I can do flamenco, salsa, mambo, pachanga, and the Funky Chicken.
ALEX:  Okay, Abuelita.  Time for your story.  Make me laugh.  Make me cry.  Get me an A.
LYDIA:  Well, when I was in Cuba the peoples would line up for blocks and blocks just to see me.  I was the iPhone of my time!