Recapping One Day at a Time - Episode 9 - Viva Cuba

Hello, everybody!  Happy Good Friday to those of you who observe Easter.  For my Jewish friends, a happy Passover to you all.  And for everybody else, happy regular Friday to you!  We're back on schedule with the Recapping One Day at a Time feature.  In Episode 9 - entitled "Viva Cuba", this episode is all about being proud of where you come from.  In the Alvarez family, it's all about being proud of being Cuban-American - though one member of the family wonders if that's enough.  We'll get to that in a second.  For now, we need a bit of a sight gag to introduce the show.

Well, Schneider bringing in a chair might qualify.  After all, Schneider eats at the Alvarez family apartment so much that he may just as well move in.

Ah, but wait.  Schneider is wearing a T-shirt with the image of Che Guevara on it.  It's actually the same picture that was on a poster on my roommate's side of the room during my brief university career.  As most people well know, Che Guevara was quite the polarizing figure in history.  While some see him as a figure of rebellion and revolution, Cubans don't quite see him the same way, and the entire Alvarez family chastises Schneider for even wearing such a shirt in front of them.  Though to be fair, Schneider is a bit of a space cadet.

In fact, it's not until Alex compares the situation to that of someone wearing a Kanye West shirt at Taylor Swift's house that Schneider finally gets it and takes the shirt off.  Which leads to an awkward scene of Lydia rubbing Schneider's topless body after he apologizes.  Yeah, let's cut to the intro!  Gloria Estefan, save us!

After the intro, we find out that Elena has some huge news to share with the family, but before she can get one word in, Alex grabs Penelope and Lydia away to share his news.  He has been assigned a class project in his class where they have to do an independent study on a country of their choice.  Since he got second pick (and the first kid in front of him chose America), he decided to do his project on Cuba, delighting Lydia.

Alex has opted to film a video as opposed to writing a report (mainly because it's less work), and he wants to interview Lydia on her experiences immigrating to Cuba as a child, which Lydia absolutely agrees to.  Penelope is just happy that Alex seems to be developing an interest in school.

In fact, Penelope and Lydia are so caught up in Alex's video idea that they completely forget about poor Elena!  I have a feeling that this happens a lot.

Anyway, Penelope apologizes and asks Lydia what is up.  It turns out that Elena has been nominated for the Voices of Tomorrow program - which Lydia amusingly mistakes for the television show "The Voice".  No, Elena's referring to a competitive writing program in which only thirty students get selected in the entire country.  This makes Penelope whoop with excitement.

And when she discovers that the program is all expenses paid, it makes her whoop even louder!

Penelope is so happy that she goes to the wall of achievements in the hallway affectionately known as the Alvarez Museum.  As you can see, the wall is mostly filled up with Elena's achievements since it's implied that she is the brainy one of the family.  Apparently there's also a box filled with all of the kids' baby teeth that Penelope and Lydia tell them they will use to make necklaces for their spouses to wear at their weddings, but we learn that this is merely an inside joke.  At least I hope that's the case.

At work, Penelope is telling Lori, Scott, and Dr. B. about Elena's huge opportunity and it prompts everyone to share the dreams that they had when they were younger.

For instance, Scott had a dream of joining the X Games as a street luger.  Okay then.  Dr. B. always wanted to be a master of song parodies just like his idol, Allan Sherman.  The "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" guy.  I'm sorry, but Weird Al Yankovic did much better parodies.  Oh, and apparently Lori's dream is to learn to read...or so Penelope jokes anyway.  Yeah, Lori's still kind of a ditz and we wouldn't have her any other way.

When it comes to Penelope though, she says that her dream was to become a full-fledged doctor.  She was well on her way to doing that, but then Elena was born, and she fought in Afghanistan, and she made several sacrifices to help Elena and Alex have the best life possible.  She may have settled for being a nurse at Dr. B.'s office, but she's okay with it.  I don't know...I get the impression that we'll be revisiting this plot line a little later.

Back at the Alvarez place, Alex is using his cell phone to record Lydia talking about her life in Cuba.  Schneider happens to be there too because apparently he forgets that he has a home in this episode.  Again, I see this happening a lot.

Lydia is in the middle of telling a story to Alex about how when she first came to America from Cuba, she was initially separated from her beloved Berto, but the day they were reunited with each other, there was an earthquake.  Lydia suggests that the earthquake was a sign that they were meant to be together, which Schneider seems moved by.  In fact, he's so moved that he tells Alex that a cell phone camera wouldn't do Lydia's story justice.  He proposes a solution.  Schneider will help Alex film his video complete with costumes and expensive camera equipment.  And Alex decides that this is a good idea and lets Schneider work his magic.  I just hope Schneider doesn't end up doing all the work.  Alex's final grade might end up being a D minus!

But here's some exciting news!  Penelope has arrived home carrying a letter has come from the Voices of Tomorrow!  This is where Elena discovers if she got into the program.  And Elena and Lydia are so excited that they nearly bowl Alex over to get to the letter!

It seems as though it's wonderful news as Elena discovers that she HAS gotten into the program!  And much celebration and rejoicing is sure to follow...

...at least until Elena finishes the letter and comes to a stunning conclusion.  Not only has Elena been chosen to be a part of this experience, but she has been selected as the diversity candidate.  Now this should be a good thing, but Elena deduces that they only chose her because she's Cuban.  Of course, this makes Lydia excited because she thinks that they are finally giving people awards for being Cuban!  But Elena's bummed because she wonders if they only gave her the opportunity because of her nationality instead of her talent.  Penelope thinks this is ridiculous and that she should take the opportunity, but Elena is genuinely torn.  I understand her frustration a little bit, but when given an opportunity like this, you shouldn't turn it down without getting all the facts.

And you probably shouldn't put the letter in a frame and put in on the wall of achievements without consulting people first, Lydia!!!

Penelope is not sure of what to do about following her dream of being a doctor, and certainly listening to Dr. B.'s lame parody songs about honey glazed ham and zumba classes certainly doesn't help.

Make it stop.  Please make it stop.

Anyway, Penelope has decided that the time is right to pursue her dream of becoming a doctor, and naturally, Dr. B. is excited about it.  But unfortunately for Penelope, Dr. B. paints a strong picture of reality for young Penelope.  In order for her to achieve her dream, she'll be spending anywhere from seven to eleven years in medical school, which includes a residency in who knows where.  That, plus she'll have two hundred thousand dollars of student loans to pay back.  Ouch.  But hey, Dr. B. doesn't worry about that.  He'll be dead before he pays back the full amount!  Well, that's one way to look at it, I suppose.  But for Penelope, she's more confused than ever before.

You want to know what else is confusing?  Alex's video.  Schneider is setting up a green screen which means that he's incorporating special effects in the video?  My goodness, he's doing a video on Cuba, not filming the next James Bond movie!

Elena's furious because Schneider has dressed her up like Carmen Miranda.

And Penelope's not amused at having to dress up like the mascot from the Colombian coffee commercials.  As she scoffs, she looks like Cousin Consuelo.  The same cousin that she made fun of last episode in her therapy group.  The female cousin with a giant beard!  But at least she's being a good sport about it unlike Elena.

In fact, the video shoot opens up a bit of an argument between both of them when Elena tells Penelope that she is turning down the offer given to her by Voices for Tomorrow.  Given Penelope's reaction, it's like Elena told her that she walked down the street and shot eighteen pedestrians.  Penelope is outraged that Elena is walking away from a good opportunity to do something remarkable, and Elena in turn is furious that her mother can't seem to see that the reason she was offered the position was because she's Cuban.  It ends with Elena storming off to her room and Penelope running after her to yell at her some more.  I'm guessing that this too is normal for the Alvarez family.

So, Penelope and Elena are not available right now.  May as well get Lydia's close up in.

Wow...SOMEONE thinks that they're the star of the production, don't they?  But you know, Lydia does look beautiful in her costume.  And since she's 85% of the subject matter, I guess it does make sense.  At least Lydia will have some interesting stories to tell.

Sure enough, when she tells her story, she goes into a little bit of Cuban-American history which I have to admit I didn't even know prior to this episode.  Then again, I'm Canadian, and we didn't touch upon much American history, so this explains my slight ignorance.  Lydia explains that she immigrated to Cuba with her sisters during "Operation Peter Pan" (or Pedro Pan, as Lydia refers it to).  This was a period that took place shortly after Fidel Castro became the leader of Cuba, but before the Cuban Missile Crisis.  Thousands of Cuban immigrants eighteen years and younger were sent to live in the United States for hopes of getting better opportunities - hence the name Operation Peter Pan after the fairy tale where Peter Pan takes the children to Never Never Land. 

Alex comments that it must have been hard for Lydia, not because she had to say goodbye to her birthplace, but because she was the oldest and somehow she had to look after her sisters by herself.  And while Alex's comment was innocent enough, it causes Lydia to pause in her tracks and become incredibly reflective.  Penelope comes out and asks Lydia if she is okay, and Lydia lies and tells her that she's fine.  But I can tell that she's really not.  There's something that happened during Operation Peter Pan that really shook Lydia up to the point where it has made her sad.

It's not until later that night that we understand why.  Hope you have your Kleenex boxes handy because the performances between Rita Moreno and Justina Machado will make you teary eyed.  Well, okay...they made ME teary eyed.

As Lydia looks through an old photo album, Penelope sits down and encourages her to be open and honest with her about everything, and Lydia explains that filming the video made her think about her sister, Blanca.  Penelope is confused at first because she doesn't even remember a Blanca.  But Lydia explains that Blanca was her older sister.  At the time Operation Peter Pan was happening, Blanca was nineteen years old.  As a result, she was unable to take part as she was one year older than the cutoff age.  So Blanca had to stay behind in Cuba while Lydia and her younger sisters left.

Sadly this was the last time that Lydia would see Blanca as she passed away when Penelope was just a baby.  And Lydia feels heartbreak every time she thinks of her.  She was told when she was boarding the plane not to look back, but to look ahead, and she wishes that she could have looked back at Blanca one last time if she knew that it would be the last time they would see each other.  By this point, Penelope is crying alongside Lydia and it leads to an emotional bonding moment.  It's such an outstanding scene and it explains why "One Day at a Time" is doing so well on Netflix.

Of course, since Lydia's room is only separated by a curtain, naturally anyone can hear what is coming out of there.  And when Penelope opens up the drapes, she sees Schneider, Elena, and Alex listening.

As it turns out though, it was a good thing.  After hearing her Abuelita's story, Elena realizes that she was too hasty in turning down the Voices of Tomorrow, and she makes the decision that she will take the opportunity after all - as a proud Cuban!  Awwwww!

Some time passes and Alex is debuting his video for his class.  The entire Alvarez family, along with Dr. B. and Schneider have come over to watch the video, and everybody is very impressed by Lydia's story.  And for that matter, Alex and Schneider did a great job with the production!

And Penelope should stick to treating patients because she is a horrible actor!

But it's good news for all.  Elena's taking part in that program, and Alex earned his first contribution to the Alvarez Museum - his script for the project earned him an A+!  Awesome job!

Schneider actually tries to give Penelope a framed photo of the producer of the film to hang up as well, but Penelope is like...no. 

But Penelope has decided to make a huge decision.  She has decided to go back to school - but instead of being a doctor, she'll be studying to be a nurse practitioner.  As Penelope explains, it'll be a step up from the job she is currently doing but with a pay hike and with her getting her degree in a much shorter timeframe than eleven years!

So as the episode ends, we learn that dreams can be achievable, but sometimes they come with great sacrifice.  Penelope sacrificed her dream to take care of her children, but she's on her way to making up for it.  Alex put forth a lot of effort in his project and it paid off with a great grade.  And I'm sure we don't have to relist all the sacrifices Lydia made for a better life.

Coming up next week, someone gets busted for watching naughty videos on the Internet!  And it's NOT Schneider!  I'll let you ponder that while you read the funniest lines of Episode 9.  Enjoy!

PENELOPE:  I am in a good mood because Elena is up for a very competitive writing program.  It's pretty huge.  She wants to be a journalist.
LORI:  Like on E! News?
PENELOPE:  No, like someone who writes the news.
LORI:  So, like Us Weekly?
PENELOPE:  At least you're reading.

PENELOPE:  What's that?
DR. B.:  Lyrics.  I was so inspired by our conversation yesterday, I started writing parody songs.

PENELOPE:  Doc, there's, like, 20 patients waiting outside.

DR. B.:  Just tell me which one you like better.

(Sung to the tune of Salt 'N' Pepa's "Whatta Man")
DR. B.:  What a ham, what a ham, what a ham, what a mighty honey glazed ham.

ALEX:  It doesn't really seem like you're a farmer.
PENELOPE:  'Cause I'm not really a farmer.
SCHNEIDER:  It's not too late to recast.

ALEX:  You auditioned and didn't get the part.  Move on, man.

ELENA:  You're making us out to be total stereotypes.  We're not this different from everyone else.

PENELOPE:  Elena, get over the diversity thing.  A committee of people think you're a smart Latina, and they wanna help you achieve your dreams.  How is this not a good thing?
ELENA:  Because I only got chosen to fulfill their race quota!  They probably think I dress like this, and that I came over on a raft, rolling a cigar, and yelling "Say hello to my little friend!"

LYDIA:  It is I, Lydia Riera, the most famous dancer in Cuba.  I can do flamenco, salsa, mambo, pachanga, and the Funky Chicken.

ALEX:  Okay, Abuelita.  Time for your story.  Make me laugh.  Make me cry.  Get me an A.

LYDIA:  Well, when I was in Cuba the peoples would line up for blocks and blocks just to see me.  I was the iPhone of my time!

To Kid or Not to Kid?

I believe the children are our future.  Teach them well and let them lead the way.

All right, all right.  I'm totally plagiarizing Whitney Houston here.  But in a way, she's right.  The children that we bring into the world are our future, and they will be the ones who will see the world into the next era. 

I can easily see why that would be one reason why people decide that they want to have a baby.  After all, the idea of creating a seed to expand the family tree is one way to keep family history alive.  But of course there are so many other reasons for having children.  Children are the symbol of the love between two people.  Children are the light of the future.  Children bring joy and happiness to people who are around them - well, okay, that's the case MOST of the time. 

I just have never really felt like one of those people.

As far back as I can remember, I don't think I've ever really felt any desire to be a parent in any way.  I mean, don't get me wrong.  I like kids.  I like being goofy around kids.  I love being an uncle.  And, frankly, I'm still considered a big kid at heart.  I mean, let's face it.  I'm nearly 37 and I STILL watch cartoons.  Well, the good ones, anyway.

I just don't ever see myself having a child of my own.

I suppose this is going to be one of my personal blog entries where I talk about my hopes and dreams of the future, so if you want to see pop culture, you probably might want to skip this one.  But if you're like me, and you're contemplating whether you want to or don't want to be a parent, you might be interested in hearing the thoughts of a guy who is currently there.

Before I get into the specific reasons why I don't think I see myself becoming a parent, I want to talk about another issue related to this that makes me see red.  I'm talking about the people of the world who choose to be childless and who consistently get attacked by either family members or pro-child people who call these people selfish for choosing not to bring children into the world.

Yeah, can I have what you're smoking so I can permanently destroy it so that nobody else can spout the tripe that you keep spreading?

First of all, it is nobody's business why a person chooses not to have a child, and it is up to them to decide whether or not they choose to share the reasons why.  I certainly don't have to make my reasons public, but I am choosing so because I want others to understand that they are not alone.  Besides, there might be medical issues that prevent some from having children biologically, and I think it's a little insensitive to call these people selfish for not having kids when in actuality they have no choice in the matter.  So, yeah.  Stop judging others on their decisions and we will, in turn, stop judging you on yours.

Capice?  Good.  Let's continue.

I've thought about why I don't seem to feel like I want to have children of my own, and when it boils down to it, I can think of four reasons why I would want to stay childless.

The most obvious one is the fact that as a male, I cannot get pregnant.  Well, unless you're Arnold Schwarzenegger, but I try to forget that movie was ever made.  Last time I checked, I'm pretty sure that I would need a partner of the opposite sex to procreate with.  Unless fifth grade sex ed class lied to me the whole time.

I am currently unattached.  And honestly, at this stage in my life I am perfectly okay with that.  I don't want to be coupled for the sake of being coupled.  For one, that mindset would only ensure that my relationship would last maybe a few months at the most.  I'm certainly not against finding love with someone, but I'm also at the point where I don't want to settle for just anybody.  I'm of the mindset where if it happens, great.  But if it doesn't, that's equally great.

I also firmly believe that one should never have a child just for the sake of having a child.  Let's face it, having babies is a full-time commitment that requires you to make many sacrifices and spend a whole lot of money. 

And that leads into reason #2 as to why I don't want kids at this time.  I don't nearly have enough income to warrant having a child.  I basically make enough money to keep up the house, pay bills, and maybe once a year I have enough left to splurge on something that I really want (like buying a new iPod to replace the one I broke four months ago that it literally took four months to save up for).  Add a child to the mix, and I simply can't do it.  Even with any government benefits that a child might be entitled to, I still wouldn't be able to provide a child with the life that they absolutely deserve, and it would not be fair to bring a child into the world that I can't afford to take care of.  Maybe in the future something might happen and things will be more stable in that regard.  Right now, there's no chance in hell. 

And, I suppose that at this time, there's an even bigger reason why I don't want to have children.  And at this point, it would be the main reason why.

I don't think I'm emotionally ready to have them.  I may never be ready.

But I'm coming to terms with the fact that right now, I'm okay with it.  I've come to terms with the fact that my brain is wired differently from most other people, and I have come to terms with the fact that I process emotions way differently from most people.  But I also have come to terms with some truths that may impact the way that I would interact with a child of my own.

Because of the way my brain is wired, I probably will never learn how to drive a car.  And for those soccer moms and dads out there, you all well know that having a license is practically a necessity for parents.  So, there's a strike against me. 

I'm also extremely socially awkward around people and it takes me a good six months to a year at times before I even work up the courage to open up to people.  When you're bonding with a child, you NEVER have that luxury.  So, I feel that's another strike against me. 

And, I suppose on a purely selfish level, there's a part of me that doesn't want to bring a child into the world with my genetic make-up because I honestly feel that the last thing the world needs is another me.  Self-esteem is something that I've always struggled with, and it would honestly break my heart if any offspring of mine had to go through the same stuff that I went through.  I didn't know how to make it stop back then, and as an adult, I'm honestly thinking that I still don't how to make it stop.  I guess in a way, having children biologically scares me to death.  And I'm not even the one who has to give birth to it!

Now, that being said, I'm not discounting the idea of ever being a parent.  Maybe in a few years from now, I'll change my mind.  But as of right now, I don't think that I will be ready to have a child of my own. 

Besides, if the cards don't fall that way and the time comes that I really want to be a parent, there are other options that are available.  Adoption, being a step-parent, joining Big Brothers.  I don't have to have any blood relation in order to be a positive influence to a child.

But still...I'm going to have to do a lot of work on myself before I can make that commitment.

And a partner.

And a job that pays a lot more than I make.

Yeah, you know something?  Let's call the whole thing off.  

Recapping One Day at a Time - Episode 8 - One Lie at a Time

Here we are with Recapping One Day at a Time!  We're at Episode 8 - One Lie at a Time.  I am sorry for it being a day late - my computer was having trouble formatting my document and I had to type it all over again.  But on with the episode.  It seems as though the theme of the episode is all about dishonesty, and I'm guessing that the whole cast will have at least one secret or another to hide.  Let's see what happens.

It seems as though Penelope has big plans for tonight, as she is all dressed up as if she has a very special date.  Penelope tells her family that she is excited to meet this new guy.  Let's just call this "Lie #1".

It appears as though Penelope isn't the only one who has plans as well.  Lydia has plans to go to church for the evening.  Hmmm...that sounds suspicious, especially since it doesn't look like this episode takes place on a Sunday or Easter weekend.  Why don't we call this "Lie #2"?

Alex initially has plans to do a lot of stuff, but when Penelope realizes that Alex hasn't even started his homework yet, she makes him stay home, and Elena is forced to babysit him - much to her dislike.  But Lydia seems to think that this is a good idea, as she can use the time to select which person she plans on taking to her quinces.  Yep.  I told you that Elena's quinces would be a season long event.

At least it's not too long to discover why Penelope told Lie #1.  She's actually at a local community college with Jill, as she has taken Jill's advice and has enrolled in the female veteran support group that Jill told her about when she sold Penelope her car.  To me, this is an important first step in her healing process, but she has to keep it a secret as Lydia is against all forms of therapy.

After the opening credits, it's time to meet the leader of the group named Pam and...

...oh my goodness!  It's Mackenzie Phillips!!!  For those who watched the original series, she played the role of Julie in the original "One Day at a Time".  She even opens her introduction by joking about how everything is being remade at the movies!  You know what would have been cool?  If they named her character Julie.  Hey, I wonder if Valerie Bertinelli will ever appear on this show?

Anyway, it seems as though Pam is doing a good job with leading the group, and we meet another member of the group, Ramona, who tells the group a fascinating story about how she sometimes mistakes rush hour traffic in Los Angeles for being out in the field at war.  Yeah, she's going to be a handful to watch, I'm sure of it.

When it comes time for Penelope to share her feelings, it seems as though she's a little bit shy.  Luckily, she has a loudmouth friend named Jill to crack open her tough exterior, and Penelope admits that she has a hard time accepting the fact that she is at a group where she needs to discuss her problems.  Her reasoning being that they are Cuban, and in her family, they don't believe in therapy.  She proves this by telling them a story about her cousin who wears her underpants outside of her clothes.  Now, granted, this would be considered odd in most circumstances.  But then again, I have to state that both Batman and Superman had no problem wearing their briefs over top of their tights.  Just saying.  At any rate, it seems as though this is going to be good for Penelope.  So let's leave her for now and see what everyone else is doing.

Okay, unless the church that Lydia is going to is in Atlantic City, I think she's waaaaaay overdressed.  Ah, I'm thinking this is the birth of where Lie #2 is going.  But of course, Lydia's grandchildren don't seem to notice.  Alex is too busy doing his homework, and Elena's binge-watching "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" on her laptop.

Which I suppose is a good thing in retrospect because who should arrive at the front door of the Alvarez residence than Dr. Berkowitz in a fancy suit!  Whoa!  Somehow Lie #2 just got a lot more spicy and scandalous!  Especially since it appears as though Lydia just doesn't want anyone to know that she's "seeing' Dr. B.

I say "seeing" because it appears as though Lydia has agreed to be Dr. B's strictly platonic escort to the theatre, since both of them like to go, but don't like to be alone.  It's a good foundation for friendship at least, and Dr. B. insists that he is okay with whatever relationship they have.  Awww...that's sweet. 

Well, at least it is sweet until Lydia slips and falls.  At first she is upset that one of her favourite shoes has the heel broken off of it...but when she tries to stand up and realizes that her ankle is hurt...amusingly she finds more pain in her broken shoe!  Quintessential Lydia!

Back at the apartment, it appears as though Elena has informed Alex that she has chosen an escort for her upcoming quinces.  It's a guy by the name of Josh Flores, which instantly makes Alex excited.  Partly because Josh is considered to be one of the most popular guys at their school, and as a result, Alex feels the need to impress him.  Though this kind of throws Elena's plan out the window.  She purposely asked a popular boy in hopes of him saying no so she could get out of the date commitment - but since Josh said yes, she's pretty much stuck.

But there's still one thing that needs to be resolved.  Elena's potential feelings of affection towards the same sex.  Elena tries to explain to Alex that she doesn't really know if she likes girls, but she also doesn't really know if she likes guys either.  She kind of explains her feelings to Alex using broccoli as a metaphor for boys and cauliflower as a metaphor for girls, but after working with fresh produce at my job eight hours a day, I could stand to avoid any and all vegetable references in this episode.

But this is where Lie #3 is born.  Elena wants to see what sex she likes best, so she's invited Josh over to the apartment to do some studying.  Yeah, like they're actually going to be looking at actual books.  But she sends Alex to Schneider's while she hangs out with Josh - meaning that she and Josh will be alone in the apartment without adult supervision.  Under no circumstance is this ANY good!  But let's see what happens.

Back at the therapy group, Penelope is enjoying herself.  In fact, she's enjoying telling personal stories from her time out on the field so much that she keeps the group twenty minutes past the time allotted!  Whoops!  But you know something, I don't think Pam cares.  After all, the group is for sharing experiences.

And sure enough, after the group is over, Penelope breaks down in tears.  But not because she's upset...she's actually experiencing joy over having a group of like-minded people with the same experiences she went through to vent to - people who truly understand her, are sympathetic and empathetic towards her.  It's a truly remarkable scene, and I'm really happy for Penelope.  This is truly the first big step she has made towards recovery, and she did it all on her own.  Nicely done!

Interestingly enough, we see Dr. B. and Lydia at the clinic where Dr. B. and Penelope work after hours, as Dr. B. is tending to Lydia's foot.  And it's here where we get to bear witness to another lie by Lydia - Lie #4, we'll call it.  Man, how many lies are we going to have in this whopper of a tale?  It all comes about when Dr. B. starts asking Lydia about her medical history, and Lydia casually mentions that she had a stroke a few years ago and didn't tell anyone!  Um...er...WHAT?!?  She kept the stroke a secret?  How is that even possible?!?  Even Dr. B. seems floored by this revelation.

Mind you, everything turned out well and she made a full recovery - which she proves by pretending she's either a French mime trapped in a box, or Madonna circa 1990.  You know, I should still be typing out my disbelief, but I'm too busy laughing at Rita Moreno in this scene that I'll just let it go.

Truth be told, she's more upset at the fact that she has a hammertoe than she is at having lied about having a stroke!  Um...yeah, let's see what everyone else is doing.

Penelope is still holding onto Lie #1, telling Elena on the phone that her date went well.  Well, since she went to therapy and it went well, maybe we should change it to Half-Truth #1.  But over on Elena's side, Lie #3 is burning so brightly you might need sunglasses to see the next scene.

Josh is sitting on the couch with Elena, and he seems to be really into her.  To Elena's credit, she also seems to enjoy his company as well, though given how she has been having identity issues regarding her sexuality, I imagine that deep down inside she is a bundle of nerves.  But Josh seems to make her feel comfortable.  In fact, Josh actually confesses to Elena that he has had a crush on her all year and was hoping to go out with her!  Cue more confusion for Elena and...

...well, you know, the fact that she kissed Josh certainly seems to have sparked a lot of internal conflict for Elena, who admits that the kiss wasn't horrible, and she goes in for another one.  So, maybe Elena could be considered a bisexual?  Either way, I think it's an interesting story that is sure to have some more twists down the road.  And Isabella Gomez is playing the part with such sensitivity and maturity as well.  It's really such a great show to watch.

And over at Schneider's, Alex is on Schneider's laptop looking up information on lesbians...which unsurprisingly is one of the autofill options on Schneider's Google Page!  Fortunately, Schneider confiscates the laptop before Alex can find out some truly naughty information not fit for a twelve year old boy! 

But it's here where Alex tells Schneider a truth instead of a lie because when Schneider tries to asks why Alex wants information on lesbians, Alex accidentally lets it slip that Elena has been questioning her sexuality - whoops! 

And then Alex lets it slip that Elena is alone in their apartment with Josh which is an even bigger WHOOPS!  In fact, Schneider grabs Alex and barges into the apartment in time to get a full on view of Elena and Josh trying to suck each other's lips off!

Naturally, Schneider tells Josh to leave the apartment, which he does - without taking his jacket!  I sure hope it's not too cold outside!  And it is here where all of our little lies become unraveled.

First of all, Elena is furious with Alex for not only telling Schneider about having Josh over, but about how she is questioning her sexuality, but Alex insists that it was all an accident and that it just slipped out.  Schneider explains that the secret will be between the three of them - which could classify as Lie #5.  Keeping track here?  Schneider also explains that he only came over after Alex told him that she was alone with a boy...

...right at the moment Lydia and Dr. B. arrive.  Whoops!  Alex inquires about Lydia's limp, and Dr. B. and Lydia keep Lie #2 going by saying that she fell in church and she just happened to run into Dr. B. at their Catholic church because even though he's Jewish, he loves church.  Um, yeah.  That's a smooth save.  Luckily for Dr. B., he retreats to the kitchen to fetch Lydia some juice so he can stop explaining himself to the obviously stunned Alvarez family.  To Schneider's credit, he agrees to carry on Lie #3 somewhat and tries to tell Lydia nothing happened between Elena and Josh, but Lydia calls Elena a sex fiend.  Ouch!

I suppose this would be a great time for Penelope to arrive home from her therapy group.  When Lydia explains what happened, it becomes clear that Penelope is NOT happy and is about to tear a strip off Elena for lying to her...

...when she notices Dr. B. coming out of the kitchen holding a glass of apple juice.  He awkwardly hands over the juice to Lydia, and this prompts Alex to tell Penelope that they met each other at church which at first causes Penelope to laugh about it.  But then she notices that both Lydia and Dr. B. are in fancy dress and she puts two and two together, and well...

...yeah.  There's that look!  A look of shock and disgust all rolled into one!  Penelope figures out pretty quickly that Lydia and Dr. B. went on a platonic date, hereby outing Lie #2 in all its scandalous glory.  Well, as scandalous as the relationship between Lydia and Dr. B. could get anyway.

Alex tries to change the subject by asking Penelope how her date went, but before Penelope can answer, Jill arrives and tells Penelope that she left her cell phone in her car, which sparks a rather interesting reaction from the rest of the family.

What's even more hilarious is that Elena reacts with shock - even though she herself is going through her own sexuality struggles.

Jill tries to explain that they were at therapy together, but Penelope is still grasping at straws to hold onto Lie #1, so because of that, Jill hastily tells Lie #6 and states that therapy is actually the name of a new night club.  Wow, even the guest characters are telling lies here and there. 

After Jill leaves, Lydia goes on the attack and yells at Penelope for going to therapy, and Dr. B. tries to calm her down as she had a history of stroke.  And with Penelope's reaction, I think it's safe to say that Lie #4 is out in the open with Penelope being rightfully stunned that Lydia would keep her stroke a secret for nearly fifteen years!  Man, the family that lies together stays together, huh?

At this point, Penelope kicks Schneider and Dr. B. out so she can have a family meeting.  Penelope is upset that Elena lied to her, to which Elena attacks Penelope and Lydia for lying, and when you stop and think about it, Alex is the only one who never told a lie this whole episode.

Elena apologizes for lying to Penelope, and even though Penelope still grounds her, she accepts the apology.  Penelope also scolds Lydia for lying to her and schedules a full physical for her...but NOT with Dr. Berkowitz because she's now made that weird!  Lydia is still upset with Penelope for going to therapy, but Penelope explains that it was a really good thing, and she needed to do it to help her heal emotionally.  Once Lydia hears this, she even admits that she made the right choice.  I'm thinking Penelope can really help Lydia become more modernized...well as modern as a Cuban immigrant can be - which will be the subject of Episode 9 that'll be posted next week.

But we conclude the episode with Penelope having a heart to heart talk with Elena about Josh, and Elena admits that she has decided to take Josh as her date for her quinces, and Penelope seems pleased that Elena seems to really like him.  Of course, we all know that it's more complex than that. Time will tell what happens next.  In the meantime, Elena's got a date for her quinces, which is good.

And Alex has swiped Josh's jacket, which is creepy.  But that's the end of another great episode of "One Day at a Time".  As always, here's some of the best lines from the episode.  Enjoy!

ELENA:  It's like...I've never tried broccoli.  So I can't say for sure that I don't like broccoli.

ALEX:  We had broccoli last night for dinner.

ELENA:  It's a metaphor, Alex.  Broccoli means boys.

ALEX:  Oh, I see.  But it's not like you tried girls before either.  Sorry, I mean...I guess, cauliflower?

ELENA:  That's because cauliflower is a lot harder to find.  I mean, how many girls do you know like cauliflower?

ALEX:  None.  Although Finn is pretty sure Denise Falto does because she didn't want his Skittles.  Skittles just means Skittles.

DR. B:  Any allergies?
LYDIA:  Allergies are not a real thing.

DR. B:  All right.  Uh, any history of serious illness?
LYDIA:  Never.  But if I ever get one, my Cuban blood will eat it and absorb it into nothing.

DR. B:  There's not a checkbox for that.

ALEX:  Wow.  I just typed in L-E-S and it filled in "bians" and then a lot of other stuff.

(Schneider runs and slams the laptop Alex is using shut)

ALEX:  I'm just confused because Elena said she might like this dude, Josh.

SCHNEIDER:  So?
ALEX:  So...nothing.

SCHNEIDER:  Wait a minute.  Alex, are you saying Elena might be gay?

ALEX:  Uh...no.  Because it's a secret.  She just said she might like girls, but she might like boys too.  Don't worry.  We already had the broccoli-cauliflower conversation.

SCHNEIDER:  That's smart.  But...what did your mom say?

ALEX:  She doesn't know.  Nobody knows.  You can't say anything.  Elena will kill me.
SCHNEIDER:  Okay, don't worry.  I won't.  Even though I have so many questions like when did she know?  And what is the broccoli-cauliflower conversation?

LYDIA:  You were in therapy?
PENELOPE:  No, I was on a date with a woman!
LYDIA:  Mentira!  Therapy is for the locos.  I told you that you would lose your mind taking those antiperspirants!