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Sunday, February 05, 2012

Different Shades Of True Blue

Today is Sunday, February 5, and for millions of you out there reading this, today is a big day. It's Super Bowl Sunday, and I imagine that many of you are putting the finishing touches on your Super Bowl parties.  You know what I mean...buying nachos and salsa for snacks, making a run to the liquor and beer stores, laundering your sports jerseys and setting up the 55-inch big screen television to watch the game in style.  Some people get incredibly obsessed with the sport of football, and the Super Bowl is the granddaddy of all games.
This year marks the forty-sixth Super Bowl, and I’m sure that Giants and Patriots fans all over North America are waiting in anticipation for the opening kickoff.  But, there’s one person that I know of who has absolutely no interest in the game.


Me.


Some people who are reading this blog entry right now might believe that by admitting this, I’m giving up my ‘man card’, but I have never liked watching sporting events on television.  Mind you, I never liked playing sporting events either, but that’s a different tale altogether.  But, I just can’t bring myself to sit in front of a television watching a sport that I really have no interest in.  That’s not only limited to football either.  That could apply for any sport, like golf, tennis, wrestling (though some claim it’s not really a sport), baseball, basketball, and hockey.


(I can’t even begin to tell you all the dirty looks I get from my fellow Canadians when I tell people that I am not a hockey fan!  It’s almost equivalent to ripping out their still-beating hearts and stomping on them with spiked shoes.)


But the way I see it, we all have our interests and our likes.  I’m just not a sports fan.  I’ve never been skilled in any sports (save for maybe volleyball and bowling), and I’ve never liked watching them.  But, that’s just me.

That’s not to say that non-football fans can’t enjoy the Super Bowl.  Many do.  The game does provide a chance for people to get together and socialize, and nobody can deny that it’s one of the best days for people to fill up on pork rinds, chicken wings, and pepperoni pizza.  There’s also those Super Bowl commercials that cost millions to make, but yet are some of the most creative and eye-catching ones ever made.  I know several people who tune into the Super Bowl just to see the commercials alone!
And then there’s always the halftime show.  During the first few years of the Super Bowl, the halftime shows usually showcased marching bands, but in recent years, the halftime shows are headlined by an artist or band.  The tradition for huge stars performing at the Super Bowl began roughly around the early 1990s, as artists like Gloria Estefan and New Kids On The Block performed.  But it wasn’t until 1993 when Michael Jackson performed the halftime show that ratings really skyrocketed for the event.  Since then, at least one big-named performer has been tied to the event.

Other artists who have performed at the halftime show in past Super Bowls include Prince, Shania Twain, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, The Black Eyed Peas, and Janet Jackson (who along with Justin Timberlake was responsible for coining the term ‘wardrobe malfunction’).
This year’s Super Bowl is no exception, as the artist featured in the halftime show today is one of the biggest selling female artists in history. 





I’m talking about Madonna, of course.
With Madonna being the headlining entertainer at the Super Bowl, she certainly has a huge selection of songs that she could perform.  Though the final list of songs hasn’t been officially confirmed yet, word is that she is set to play her newest song "Give Me All Your Luvin", as well as two or three classic favourites.

I bet there’s one song though that Madonna will choose not to sing.  After all, the last time she performed today’s Sunday Jukebox entry live in concert was reportedly back in 1987!  The song itself comes from the album cover that I posted earlier in this blog.
The album ‘True Blue’ could be considered Madonna's most successful album, selling 26 million copies overall..  I actually have this album in my own personal music collection.  It was the biggest selling album of 1986, and of the nine singles that were recorded for the album, five of them were released and became huge hits.  The first release from the album, “Live To Tell”, was a number one smash, as were “Papa Don’t Preach” and “Open Your Heart”.  That’s right.  “True Blue” spawned three number one hits, the most of any album Madonna has ever released.  A fourth single, “La Isla Bonita”, cracked the top five, peaking at #4 in 1987.

As for the fifth single, it was released third, in between “Papa Don’t Preach” and “Open Your Heart”.  It also did very well on the charts, peaking at #3 (and reaching #1 in Canada and the United Kingdom).  Yet, it’s also a song that is more or less forgotten, and is very rarely performed by Madonna.  Why is that?
First, let’s see the video for the song.  Well...one of the videos that is.



ARTIST: Madonna
SONG: True Blue
ALBUM: True Blue
DATE RELEASED: September 29, 1986
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS: #3

(Now do you see why I’ve made this entire blog entry in blue?)


Like other Madonna albums, the title track of the "True Blue" album became a single.  Released in September 1986, this version of the video was the one that I remember watching.  Madonna dancing in front of a blue background with dancers wearing blue (one of whom is played by actress Debi Mazar), and well, the whole video was well...blue.




But, it wasn’t the only music video made for this particular single.


The version up above was the professional version that Madonna had filmed for the international market, directed by James Foley.  But during the summer of 1986, a contest was held by MTV.  All viewers had to do was create a video for Madonna’s “True Blue” video, and if they won, their video would premiere on MTV and become the official American version.  If you like, you can click on THIS LINK to watch the commercial advertising the contest, as well as the prizes associated with winning.
(I know $25,000 doesn’t seem like a lot now, but back in ’86, it was definitely worth its weight in gold.  And Peanut Butter Twix!  Do they still make those?  And, hey, remember Madonna before the British accent?)

Ahem...back to the blog entry.


Thousands of people ended up submitting entries to the contest, and each one was filmed with various ideas in mind.  But the winning entry was the one directed by Angel Gracia and Cliff Guest.  And, although it took me some time to find the alternate copy of “True Blue”, I did find it posted online.  You can watch the alternate version below.


I don’t know about you, but I happen to find the MTV contest version to be great.  I think it actually tells more of a story than the video that Madonna made herself.  Viewers of MTV seemed to enjoy the effort made by Gracia and Guest as well, as “True Blue” quickly became one of the most requested videos on MTV during the last few months of 1986.
So, “True Blue” had done incredibly well on the Billboard Charts, and was one of the few singles to have two different music videos, both of which were very well received by the general public.

So, why is “True Blue” largely ignored by Madonna in concert?
The answer is quite simple if you read between the lines.  As mentioned before, I have the Madonna album “True Blue”, and opening up the liner notes that are included with the album, there’s a rather interesting dedication located within.  Inside, the following message appears.  “This album is dedicated to my husband, the coolest guy in the universe.”

And, who was Madonna married to at the time that she recorded “True Blue”?


For anybody who guessed actor Sean Penn, you win!  Unfortunately, I have no prizes to give out, but you still win!  YAY!  J
The relationship between Madonna and Sean Penn was well-documented in the press, and the two got married on August 16, 1985, which coincidentally was Madonna’s 27th birthday.  The two starred in the film flop, ‘Shanghai Surprise’, and Madonna recorded “True Blue” specifically with Sean in mind.  “True Blue” was a standard bubblegum pop love song to most people, but Madonna wrote the song specifically for Sean.  And during 1986, at least, it seemed as though Madonna and Sean Penn were very much the perfect couple, highly devoted to one another.

By 1988, however, the marriage would completely break down.  Notorious for having a short fuse with the paparazzi, Sean Penn frequently got into physical fights with reporters and photographers, even ending up serving 33 days of a 60-day sentence in jail in 1987 for assaulting a photographer on a film set.  There were also reports of Sean Penn being arrested for domestic assault while married to Madonna, of which Sean pleaded to a misdemeanor.  But, by that point, Madonna had enough.  The couple split up in 1988, the divorced finalized in 1989.
Although there was something that I always wondered.  The same year that Madonna divorced Sean Penn was the same year she released her “Like A Prayer” album...an album that Madonna has said was the most personal one she had ever recorded.  Given that was the case, and given that the album was recorded in 1988 – the last full year that Madonna and Sean Penn were still legally married – I wonder if the unreleased song “Til Death Do Us Part” was Madonna’s own personal account of what the last few months of her marriage really was like.  Certainly, if “True Blue” was written at a time when she was at her most happiest with Sean, it would only seem natural that she would also sing a song that was written when it was all falling apart.

Of course, both Madonna and Sean Penn moved on since their split.  Madonna ended up dating several men (and rumoured to have had an affair with Sandra Bernhard, which Bernhard later confirmed was not true), before marrying British film director, Guy Ritchie in 2000.  Guy and Madonna’s marriage was twice as long as Madonna’s first marriage, the union lasting eight years before they split up in 2008.  Madonna is now seeing someone who is reportedly less than half her age.  As for Sean Penn, he ended up finding love with actress Robin Wright.  They began dating shortly after his marriage to Madonna ended, and they got married in 1996.  But although the couple’s marriage was filled with separations and reconciliations, the couple divorced for good in the summer of 2010.
As for the reason why Madonna hasn’t sang “True Blue” in concert in twenty-five years?  I don’t know if she actually provided one, at least publicly.  But just going on pure speculation alone, would YOU want to sing a love song associated with a tumultuous and stormy relationship...especially if you were one of the people involved in the relationship?  I can’t speak for Madonna, but I know if I were in a similar situation, I doubt very much that I’d look at the song the same way again.





But then, Madonna could very well perform the song at Super Bowl XLVI, and make me eat these blue-tinted words that I just typed out. 
Time will tell, I suppose.   But at least you now know about the different shades of “True Blue”.

BONUS QUESTION:  What’s your favourite shade of blue?  I’m partial to cerulean myself, but I thought I’d just pose this question anyway to encourage discussion.  J

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Nick Arcade - Life-Size Video Gaming

Before I kick off another week of blogs, I just want to take the time, and thank everyone who took part in the Spread <3, Not Hate event yesterday.  It was fantastic to read everyone else’s blog entries on the subject, and I admit that some of the stories really moved me.  Not necessarily because they gripped at my emotions (although the vast majority of them did just that), but because I showed me that I wasn’t necessarily alone.  Like myself, a lot of people who took part in the event shared their stories, and told of their experiences of being bullied.  I had no idea that so many people had been affected by bullying.  It shocked me, and yet saddened me at the same time.  I think I can speak for all of us when I say that bullying in our schools and workplaces needs to stop, and we need to stand up against the bullies in our world.  There were even a couple of people who blogged about how they wished they could do more, or how they witnessed someone being bullied, and didn’t know how to stop it, and they felt terrible for not being able to do more.  We even had a couple of bloggers turn over control of their blog to their own children, who spoke out against bullying, which was great.  At any rate, I think the message really got through to a lot of people, and once again, I wish to thank K.C. Neal and K.M. Parr for allowing me to be a part of the blogging event that they spearheaded right from the beginning!


Now, let’s continue on with the blog.  And, have I got a topic for you today!  But first, a question.

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to star in your very own video game?
I don’t mean having your name on a video game box, or having your image immortalized as a character made up of multicoloured pixels (although I do admit that would sound cool).  I mean actually living the life of a video game character.  You’d jump from platform to platform, collecting coins and treasures, and defeating any enemy (or bully) that may cross your path. 

To be completely honest, I think that life as a video game character would have its pros and cons.  For pros, you’d be able to do things that you normally wouldn’t be able to do.  How many times do you jump from building to building with ease in your day to day life?  Not many, I bet.  How many times would you be able to drive a car, accidentally smash into something, and NOT get arrested for it?  I’m guessing that unless you are a career criminal, that would never happen.  Yet, in video games, both of these happen and more.  In video games, once you defeat an enemy, they stay gone for the rest of your game.  If only it were so easy in the real world.  In video games, especially in role playing games, you can make a lot of money in such a short time.  The catch is that in order to make the money, you have to steal from people, rob their houses, and other criminal activities...things that in the real world could get you sent to prison for a very long time.
(Not that I advocate this, of course.)

There’s certainly many pros to being a video game character.  But there are some downsides as well.  In a video game, you only get three chances to get what you want to get done right, because one false move, and you get a trip to the pixellated heaven in the sky.  And when the video game finally ends, you’re eventually doomed to repeat those same actions over and over and over again.  Come to think of it, living life as a video game would sound a lot like the film ‘Groundhog Day’, where Bill Murray relives the same day over and over.
So being a video game character would have different, but similar struggles to your life in real time.  There are some perks, but there are also some hardships.  But, until 1992, there was literally no way that anybody could find out whether or not they could live life as a video game character.

You see, in 1992, a children’s game show premiered on Nickelodeon that allowed children to walk through a portal and actually become players inside a life-sized video game.  The players would have to move around three levels to collect items that were crucial to finishing the game.  If all three levels were completed, they’d win the game.
(Okay, okay...so the video game simulation was really just the contestants playing in front of a blue screen...it still looked incredible.)



Today’s blog topic is the Nickelodeon game show “Nick Arcade”, which originally aired for two seasons from January 4, 1992 – March 12, 1993.  Hosted by Phil Moore, the show was the first one in America to regularly use blue screen technology, and the theme of the show had to do with video and arcade games.


I watched the show myself on YTV, and I admit that I would have loved to have gone on the show as a contestant.  I think I would have done well, as I was a decent video gamer as a pre-teen.  However, I was also a husky, tall, pre-teen who probably would have failed miserably in the final round.  Still, it would have been cool to try it, at least.  If you like, you can watch an episode below.


There were two male/female teams of two.  One was the yellow team, the other was the red team.  Each game was made up of two rounds, and each round kicked off with an original video game face-off session, where one member of each team would play a thirty second challenge game.  The games ranged in style and difficulty, and many of them were inspired by classic arcade games, such as “Paperboy”, “Pong”, and various shooter-type games.  Whoever won the face-off would earn 25 points for their team, and would play first in the main round.

The main rounds were various grids of puzzle squares, eighteen on each grid.  And your goal in each round was to move the little guy directly below this paragraph to the finish square.



This is Mikey, the Video Adventurer (who strangely resembles the main character of the 1990 video game StarTropics).  And, Mikey lives in a rather strange neighbourhood.  Sure, there are houses, playgrounds, and a shopping mall.  But in some cases, you can take Mikey on a trip through a medieval setting, underwater, through a haunted house, and even through a portal that can make him time travel!  Each episode of the show took place inside one of eleven different locations, but the game was played exactly the same.


And each one of the eighteen squares contained one of several games, activities, and surprises.  There were squares that offered up instant prizes, as well as instant points that could put teams in the lead.  There were also some bad squares that contained enemies that would automatically make the team lose a turn.  So teams really had to exercise caution when it came to deciding which way to move Mikey across the board.
The majority of the spaces were puzzle spaces, each of which contained either a quiz question, or a challenge.  Most of the quizzes were visual in nature, where teams had to watch a video clip, and answer a question based on what they had just seen. 

Some examples of such challenges included the following;

Video Repairman – a music video was shown scrambled up like specialty cable channels that weren’t paid for, and teams had to guess the artist.

Credit Crawl – a bunch of clues describing a person, place, or thing would scroll up the screen, and teams had to guess what they were describing.

Hidden Camera – a camera was placed in a secret location, and teams had to guess where the camera was based on the background area.

Mixed Signals – a video would be playing, but have completely different audio, and teams had to guess what activity was taking place in the audio clip.


Then there were the Video Challenge squares, where teams would have to play one of five arcade games to try and accomplish a challenge associated with each game.  It could be something such as collecting 25 rings in “Sonic The Hedgehog” in thirty seconds, or beating a stage in “Bonk’s Adventure”, or something similar.  One team member would take on the challenge, while the other one was given a Magna-Doodle.  The team player with the Magna-Doodle would have to risk an amount of points up to the total amount they had accumulated.  If the team member successfully completed the challenge, the amount wagered would be added to their total.  If they failed, that amount would be taken away.


TRIVIA: Each arcade cabinet was represented by one of five main game consoles that were available during 1992.  The five consoles were Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, TurboGrafx-16, and Neo-Geo.
It was a neat idea.  Admittedly, the companies did use the game show to promote their latest products, but for kids, it was a fun way to preview some of the hottest video games.  I’ll readily admit to renting a couple of games that I had seen on ‘Nick Arcade’.  And, considering that all the video game consoles were represented meant that each one had equal airtime, which I thought was great.

At the end of two rounds, whichever team had the most points won the chance to play the bonus round, which was where the blue screen technology came in.  Have a look at this montage of ‘Nick Arcade’ bonus round levels to get an idea as to how they worked.


It looked amazing...or, at least it did twenty years ago.


The way the bonus rounds worked were that they were split up into three rounds.  The first two had one team member running around a screen that took place in a variety of locations.  From jungles to Mayan ruins, mountain tops to winding rivers, city streets to cafeteria food fights, players needed to collect three items within each round to progress to the next screen.  There were bonus items which could slow down the action, kill every enemy on the screen, or refill the player’s energy bar, but if players lost all five units of energy, they would have to start again from the very beginning of the screen.


If players were lucky enough to make it to the third screen, both team members would work together to defeat one of three bosses at the end.  The three bosses were Scorchia, Merlock, and Mongo, and they could be defeated if both players grabbed three floating orbs.  But with flames, lightning bolts, ghosts, and other traps in the rooms, the challenge was difficult.  Even the random hourglasses which could freeze time didn’t necessarily guarantee victory.
Oh, did I mention that teams only had ONE MINUTE to beat all three screens?  I recall a few teams conquering the challenge, but I remember seeing a good many teams fail as well.  But if teams ended up winning the whole game, they could get a nice vacation out of it.  Cash prizes were awarded for each item collected, and teams would get a prize for completing a screen.  Nothing fancy though.  It would be something like a pair of roller blades, or a portable CD player.

Still, it was at the time, the only way that video game players could get the authentic video game playing experience.  And, you know what?  At the age of 30, I would do ‘Nick Arcade’ in a heartbeat...though with me being six foot two, I would undoubtedly fail the final challenge no matter how slim I get.  J

Friday, February 03, 2012

Spread Love, Not Hate

Today is an entry that could very well be considered a special edition of sorts.  And, fair warning...it's quite the read...I got a wee bit carried away.  But, hey...the subject matter is VERY personal to me, so I think allowances can be made.  :)

Before I launch right into it, I'd like to explain how I came up with the idea to do this.

http://kcneal.blogspot.com/2012/01/speak-out-against-bullying-on-feb-3.html

Do you see the link directly above this post? If you click on that link, you will be directed to another blog by a woman named K.C. Neal. She is an author, and she also hosts a blog, like me.

This is the entry she posted that inspired today's blog.



How it all began was that one of K.C.'s friends, another author named Katie (who goes by the pen name of K.M. Parr) had accomplished what many long-time writers (myself included) have wanted to do for quite some time. She had gotten her first novel published. This was undoubtedly a big deal for her, and it should have been one of the most exciting times of her career.

Unfortunately for Katie, this experience was tarnished by a bully.

A person that Katie had previously known had discovered the news that she had become published. But they didn't seek her out to congratulate her. Instead, they took the opportunity to slander her by mocking her accomplishment. The situation eventually turned into a case of online bullying.

So K.C. and Katie were talking about the bullying that Katie had experienced, and how upsetting it was. It just wasn't right that what should have been a happy experience for Katie had been soured by the callousness of an online bully. So, they decided to do something about it. To send a message to all bullies that they were going to rise above it.

Hence the creation of the multi-blogging extravaganza “Spread <3 Not Hate”. Which coincidentally happens to be the title of this blog entry!

The way that K.C. and Katie put this together was by getting a group of bloggers together on February 3, 2012, having each one write an experience about bullying and how they themselves dealt with it. The blog entries would then link back to K.C.'s original blog (through the button link above), where they could all be read together on the same page. The more bloggers that united, the bigger the message was. So when someone shared the link with me, I jumped at the chance to participate.

If you click on the link at the beginning of this post (which I'll repost HERE as well), you'll see a list of all the bloggers who are taking part in this day.  And, if you scroll down to #58 on that list, you'll be directed to my blog! As far as I can see, there's quite a few people participating in this event.  I think it's a great turnout, and I'm honoured to be taking part in it.

(CONFESSION:  I was actually given a code to post that should have posted the blog hop button in the blog, but I'm very much the techno-newbie, and can't figure out how to use it...LOL)

K.C. and Katie will be sharing their stories today, as will many other people. If you get a minute, use the link I've posted to read some of them.

And, today, I want to talk about bullying in my blog.

Mind you, for those of you who have read this blog on a daily basis, I've talked about my experiences with bullying a lot. But, that's a part of my own personal healing process. If you'd like, you can read some of these accounts by clicking on the dates that I have highlighted in this paragraph, and those dates are August 7, 2011, September 7, 2011, and January 23, 2012. That will allow you to read some of my own personal experiences with bullying in greater detail, but that's only if you're interested. I won't force you.

But here lies the challenge for today. Today is Friday, and on Fridays, I normally talk about television events. So, how could I tie my bullying experiences to a television event, so that I can keep up with the pop culture theme at the same time?

It then dawned on me. Television award shows.



The first three months of the year are almost always dedicated to awards ceremonies, and 2012 is no exception. We've already had the People's Choice Awards last month. The Grammy Awards are set to air February 12, while the Academy Awards will be airing two weeks later, on February 26.

Certainly there's a lot to witness during these ceremonies. Red carpet interviews, on-stage performances, hosts telling jokes that may or may not be funny. You know, things like that.

One part of awards ceremonies that I find somewhat entertaining are the acceptance speeches that people give out after they have won an award. Some speeches are poignant, and speak from the heart. Some speeches are short and to the point. And, unfortunately, some speeches are interrupted by Kanye West.



I felt incredibly terrible for Taylor Swift during that moment.  Although, I've been told that since that incident, Kanye and Taylor have patched things up.

I have always felt that when one is up on stage accepting an award, that in most cases, we're seeing them at their most raw and unscripted. After all, I'm sure that most of them were genuinely shocked at winning, and likely didn't really have a lot of time to prepare for it. To those people trembling on stage in their tuxedos or Donna Karan evening gowns, it's really a big deal. Their finest moment, if you will. The moment in which they realize that they have made it.



So, my contribution for the "Spread <3, Not Hate" event is to write my acceptance speech.   The picture above is the person I used to be.  The one who was picked on and bullied.  I've accepted that it has happened to me. I can't change it. Nor, do I want to change it. Those experiences, both good and bad, have made me the person who I am today (who you'll meet at the end of this entry).

And for this acceptance speech, I will be thanking people, both good and bad.

Because I believe in getting all of the bad stuff out of the way first, my first list of people who I wish to thank are those who I can best describe as the lemons in my life. Lemons who tried their hardest to make me an incredibly sour and bitter person.  No matter what though, I managed to find the lemonade within those lemons.



The first person I would like to thank is my first grade teacher. Some of you might not believe that a teacher is capable of bullying a child, but I had one of the worst. So, first grade teacher, I have quite a bit to thank you for. I wish to thank you for telling me that I had the worst handwriting in the class and that I would never learn how to write properly, because I spent the next few years trying to prove you wrong. Now, I have some of the best handwriting in my entire family, and am now taking up calligraphy. Maybe one day, I'll write you a letter so that you can see how true your prediction was. I also want to thank my first grade teacher for broadcasting my walking difficulty to the whole class (I walked on my toes for the first few years of my life), leading to the kids making fun of me for walking funny.  She taught me that I should never embarrass anybody publicly, especially if the remarks were mean-spirited and cruel.

The next people that I would like to thank are the bullies in elementary school who used to tackle me in the school playground to shove snow, sand, or dirt in my face. The bullies who called me names every day in school. The bullies who caused me to have emotional panic attacks in class during the last part of my elementary school career. I want to thank you guys for showing me how much inner strength that I had in myself. Yep, you tried to break me, but I just wouldn't break. I may have had some emotional distress, but I still found a way to go to school almost every single day. That takes a lot of courage and strength...strength that I was too blind to see as an 11-year-old boy, but am now owning with pride as an almost 31-year-old man.



On a related note, I wish to thank a select few teachers at my elementary school for turning their backs on me when I needed their help the most. Not going to name names, of course, but I wanted to thank you anyway, because you actually taught me something about myself. Your inability to care about what happened to me, and your nonchalant attitude towards trying to stop the bullying helped me realize that it was the wrong message to be sending to people, and maybe it helped me become a better listener and a more compassionate person as a tradeoff. After all, I had so many examples of what NOT to do, that finding out what it was TO do became easier. In some way, you also taught me to go against the crowd and do what I felt was best for myself. So thank you for not caring, because you taught me how to care more.

I guess that same message can apply towards certain faculty members at my high school as well. Remember when I went to you about how classmates were sending me nasty messages and torching my belongings, and how you promised me that you'd find out who was behind it all? Well, you didn't. A few teachers did come to my aid (and believe me, I'll be thanking them a little later in this entry), but most of you looked the other way. Having to move my locker to four different locations in a single year was tedious, tiresome, and unfair, and deep down inside, I think you all knew this. But, you did nothing about it! So, thank you for not doing a thing to stop my bullying, because as I said before, your inaction to do anything fueled my action to try and prevent it from happening to other people.



By the way, thank you to the person who decided to torch and vandalize my locker in grade eleven...four times, no less. The reason I'm thanking you is because you helped me realize that I don't need material possessions to make me happy. Yes, I did lose some posters, and yes, I had to buy some new notebooks that were charred beyond recognition, but those were just material things.  Meaningless casualties as far as I was concerned.  I do regret the fact that my safety and security at school (and perhaps even in life after school) was forever compromised, but I got by as best I could under the circumstances.

Finally, I decided to save the worst for last, so to speak, and I really want to save my biggest thanks for the person who decided to send me a message through my student e-mail account...let's see...what did it say again? Oh, yeah...the message about telling me that school would be a better place if I killed myself. That's the one. I know that to most people, the thought of me even expressing gratitude towards such a cruel and disgusting message must sound like I have lost my mind. But, yet that's exactly what I am doing.

Thank you for sending me that message. Sure, it hurt me. Yes, it made me not want to be at that school again.  And, yeah, in my weakest moment, I considered actually obeying the note. But then I thought...if I did do that, what good would come out of it? Nothing. I'd be gone, and this blog entry would have never been written. As for the person who sent it, they'd end up getting the very thing that they wanted...I'd be out of the way, and to them, the school would be a better place.

And, there was no way that I was going to let that happen.

So, I found the courage to break free from the depths of darkness, stayed at that school, and got my diploma. So, thank you to whoever wrote that message because you helped me find that inner strength to keep living day to day...telling myself that one day, it would eventually get better.

And for the most part, it has gotten better.

I won't lie to you though.  I still deal with self-esteem issues and have emotional scarring as a result of the pain and cruelty that I endured during my school years. I've made tremendous progress in trying to overcome it all, but I imagine that some of those scars will always remain. But, at the same time, I wouldn't change those moments for the world, because I know that all of those incidents happened to me for a reason.  Of course, there were times in which I wished I could improve on my self-esteem.  I thought, if only it were sold in stores.  Then I'd never have a problem finding a large quantity of it whenever I wanted it.


If only self-esteem were this easy to get.  Instead, I had to build it up the tough way, trying to overcome each barrier to get closer to what my true self was.

And, what is my true self? It's a person who listens. A person who shows compassion. A person who didn't let bullies turn him into a bully himself.  A person who stands up to bullies, no matter what!

No longer did I want to be surrounded by people who brought me down. I wanted to be around people who brought me back up.  Made me feel better about myself.  And, now I want to do the same to help others who might be going through a similar experience.

So, I guess I'd like to thank everyone who ever bullied me, or made me feel badly about myself. For the more pain you inflicted on me, the stronger I became. Now, I take action to try and get people to talk about their experiences, because the more that people speak out, the more united we become, and the better chance we heal.



There's actually a group on Facebook that I started up as a way to heal from my pain, which is called the 'Gallery Of Healing', and if you're interested, click on the link in this paragraph. It'll explain what it is, and what you can do to help out. It's a small group, and it's not the most active, but it will always remain open so that anyone who wants to talk about their experiences can do so without the fear of being bullied. It's there if anybody needs to use it. No pressure though.

To end off this entry, I would like to now thank those people who did make a positive difference in my life. People who stood behind me and did their best to help me cope through the bullying, stood up for me, or did something as simple as be nice to me when everyone else walked away.

First, I want to thank the teachers and educators who did make a difference. All of them helped me deal with the trauma I faced, and I feel as though they deserve special recognition. So, I want to thank Mrs. Woodfine, my sixth grade teacher, Mr. Pearson (high school chemistry teacher), Mr. McDonald (high school computer teacher), Mr. Corney (high school gym teacher), Mrs. Quick (high school music teacher), Mr. Cristello (high school math teacher), Mr. Wright (high school math teacher), Mr. and Mrs. Morgan (elementary school computer and French teacher), and Ms. Renusz (high school history teacher). It would take me a full page to go into detail how much your standing by me when nobody else would meant to me. From encouraging me to write about my bad experiences (which I guess sort of inspired my career choice of becoming a writer), to launching an investigation into tracking the nasty e-mail messages, to ripping down slanderous posters in the school cafeteria, to just being available to talk to...all of these teachers proved to me at least how good educators they were. I just hope that someday, I'm able to run into each of them again so that I can thank them in person...that is if they even remember who I am.

There's also a couple of educators that I want to include on this list. Sadly, both have passed on now, but I want to extend my thanks to Mr. Tripp (elementary school music teacher) and Mr. McMillan (elementary school custodian). Both of them were two of the biggest confidence boosters that I've ever had the fortune of having. One provided encouragement and praise when I had to perform a solo at the school concert (in which I had almost not gone to due to being bullied the day before), while the other one always had a kind word to say, and actually told off a bully, getting him to leave me alone one day. Simple gestures, but they meant a lot to me, and I'll never forget them.

Finally, I'd like to thank some special classmates who I'm honoured to have kept (and/or reconnected with) in my life...classmates from elementary school and high school who never went along with the crowd, and who showed me genuine compassion no matter how badly I was feeling. And since this is the positive portion of the blog, I wish to name names...well, at least first names and last initials, anyway.

Laura A.,  John A.,  Melissa A.,  Jason B.,  Diane B.,  Ian C.,  Bailey C.,  Becky D., Jennifer E.,  Erin E., Leah F.,  Tim H.,  Amanda H.,  Ashley K.,  Sarah L.,  Erik M.,  David M.,  Dana M.,  Nicole M., Orijit P., Erica P., Alecia R.,  Laura S.,  Eileen T.,  Wendy T.,  Clement T.,  Laurel T.,  Sarah W.,  Cary-Lynn W., and Matthew Y.

Some of you, I've known all my life. Some of you, I've only recently reconnected with through social media. And, some of you probably don't remember me as I haven't seen you since school ended. But, I certainly remember all of you...and if you see your name up here, know that I think very highly of you, and I really do appreciate every single one of you for reaching out to me when I needed someone to talk to, and being there for me when I was at my lowest in school because of what I went through. And, in case I don't get a chance to thank each one of you in person one day, at least there's a permanent reminder inside of my blog. I certainly hope that I listed everybody, but I'm sure that there's a few names that I'm simply not remembering. But, just know that if you made a difference in my life, you'll know it.

Thanks to the support of my fantastic co-workers, fellow writer friends, special online friendships that I have maintained (some as long as a decade!!!), and most importantly, the support of my entire family, I'm getting my life back on track again. And, it is a wonderful feeling.

Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all...



...and while being bullied may have prevented me from learning that lesson in the past...it's certainly not stopping me now.  The person below is the person I am now...and I like the person I see!



(Once more...if you'd like to blog hop to other bloggers who are taking part in this venture, please click on THIS LINK to view the list in its entirety...and thanks to K.C. and Katie for allowing me to be a part of it!)


Thursday, February 02, 2012

$#*! other people say, but usually not me!

Have you ever heard of a television sitcom called ‘$#*! My Dad Says’?



It’s okay if you haven’t.  It was one of those blink and you’ll miss it type shows that was here one minute, and gone the next.  Although, given that it was a more recent creation, I suppose that it would be fresher in the minds of most people than say ‘Cop Rock’, ‘Women Of The House’, ‘My Mother The Car’, and ‘Free Spirit’.
The sitcom aired on CBS from September 23, 2010 to February 17, 2011.  It starred William Shatner as Dr. Edison Milford Goodson III, a septuagenarian father of two adult boys who is prone to opinionated rants and politically incorrect opinions.  The sitcom was loosely based off the Twitter feeds of Justin Halpern, under the name of $#*! My Dad Says (where the first word is NOT censored – I’m just censoring it because it’s related to today’s Thursday confession).  On the Twitter feed, Justin would often post quotes by his father, Sam, whom William Shatner’s character was loosely based on, and it quickly became an account that had a lot of followers.

The feed became so popular that plans to turn it into a sitcom began in November 2009.  The pilot episode was written by Halpern and Patrick Schumacker, and Shatner was cast in the main role just three months later, in February 2010.  The series would be picked up by CBS in May 2010, and the first episode aired that September.
Of course, due to FCC regulations, the original title couldn’t exactly be used.  So, the decision was made to use symbols to disguise the first word of the series, and the series would then be referred to as ‘BLEEP My Dad Says’.  Halpern’s own Twitter feeds were modified in the show scripts, as they too were considered to be too vulgar to air on screen.

Somehow, the transition from Twitter to television did not work out as well as everyone had expected.  Despite a promising start with a 12 million viewing audience for the show’s first episode, by episode three, the audience decreased as much as 25%.  The show managed to last for eighteen episodes before being put on hiatus, and in May 2011, that hiatus became permanent.
I can’t really say much about the show itself, because I never watched it.  I can’t say that I’m really the biggest William Shatner fan, to be completely honest.

(And, no, that’s not the Thursday Confession.)
But, the show’s title sort of alludes to the real idea of what I want to confess for this edition of the Thursday Confession.

And, here’s my confession.


THURSDAY CONFESSION #5:  I very rarely swear, and will try everything possible to avoid using swear words, even if it means that I sound like Ned Flanders from The Simpsons as a result.
Hence the idea of me censoring my swear words in this entry.

That’s not to say that I NEVER swear myself.  There are some instances in which I can’t help but swear.  If I am extremely angry and passionate about something, the last thing that I think about is censoring my thoughts and language.  I think I actually might have dropped a swear word or two in last week’s confession, come to think of it.  But, that’s a rarity, and something that I don’t typically do.

Let's put it this way.  If I had a swear jar, it'd probably be filled with more cobwebs than quarters.
But, if I smash my thumb with a hammer, or stub a toe, and you’re near me, you best plug your ears if you get offended by four-letter words, because I don’t mince words when I am in any sort of physical pain. 

For the most part though, I don’t really enjoy dropping swear words all that much.  I understand that a lot of people do, and that’s fine, but I prefer not to.  And, yes, I’ll get to that in a little bit.


I will say that as far as the actual words themselves go, they don’t particularly offend me all that much.  I mean, once you heard one naughty word, you’ve heard them all.
But while I don’t get offended very easily, there are a lot of people out there who do take offence.  During the early stages of planning for ‘$#*! My Dad Says’, the show’s title was announced in a press conference on May 19, 2010, as well as the 8:30 time slot it would be occupying.  Sounds good, right?

Not so for some parents groups.
Despite assurances from CBS that the profanity in the title would be bleeped out, and that the expletive would not be used in promos, some groups didn’t feel that it was enough.  The Parents Television Council, in particular, protested the name of the show, simply because it alluded to an obscenity.  They actually threatened CBS with broadcast license challenges towards any affiliate airing the show or its promos before 10pm.  This is despite the fact that CBS assured that the show’s title would be bleeped out, and that the show would still adhere to CBS standards.  William Shatner himself didn’t see what the big deal was, and the general consensus was that it was all blown out of proportion.

And in the long run, it didn’t really matter, as the show was cancelled within a year for its poor quality, and not the name with the first word that shall not be said.
I certainly don’t agree with the decision made by the Parents Television Council.  Maybe my opinion about them might not mean a lot, since I am not a parent, but I would think that if I did have children, I would have enough common sense to know what sorts of programming would and would not be appropriate for them to watch.  I grew up in a household where salty language was just a part of daily life.  Was it inappropriate?  It really depended on the context and the situation.  But, for the most part, I think my family can control it.

Well, okay, maybe my father has difficulty at times.  Sometimes, I think the spirit of George Carlin inhabits my father’s soul.  But, that’s just the way he is, and I learned to overlook that part of him years ago.
So, hearing people swear doesn’t really bother me at all, at least not in the context in which they are said.  So, why have I decided not to swear myself?

It’s simple.  I just don’t want to.
Truth be told, I actually find that I get more satisfaction by substituting euphemisms for swear words.  And, I’m not just talking about standard ones such as substituting fudge for...well, you know.

Here’s another minor confession for all of you in relation to my bigger confession.  I substitute British slang, random objects and nonsensical gibberish in place of swear words.  Here’s a few examples of statements that I have said in the past to illustrate what I mean.

‘Son of a batch of cookies!’

‘I can’t believe I slammed my finger in the fluffernutter door!’

‘Holy Shadenfreude!’

‘Why don’t you shut the bloody door, you useless tit!’

(Well, all right...that last phrase is pushing it.)

But, do you not see what I mean?  It sounds so much funnier and more hilarious.  More importantly, it’s so unexpected.  You almost expect someone to let out a swear word in the situation, and then when you don’t, it takes you by surprise, doesn’t it?  Or, maybe I’m the only one who feels this way, and I'm just being a useless tit about the whole thing?  Who can say?  J
For the longest time, I think that I’ve done this.  And, contrary to what people have said about me being sensitive and delicate towards swear words, that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

I think having grown up in a household where hearing everyone else in the family dropping swear words left and right sort of made me not want to be the same.  To be honest, I think that my NOT dropping random swear words all over the place was kind of like my way of rebelling against those in my immediate family.  I know it sounds like I’m a bit off my rocker, but looking back on my childhood, I can’t come up with a more reasonable explanation.
And, then when I got to high school, where almost every other word in the school hallways were laced with profanity, I think that also influenced my decision not to randomly drop F-bombs.  Because, the more swear words that I heard coming out of people’s mouths, the less impact they really had.

Think about it.  In a standard R-rated picture, the movie lasts about two hours, and in those two hours, you’ll likely hear anywhere from twenty-five to two hundred swear words...maybe even more than that depending on what kind of movie it is.  Some of them might be relevant to the scene.  Some might not be.  But, within a two hour time period, it really doesn’t make much of a difference. 
Now, you take being in a school for seven hours, and hearing high school students say the same amount of swears per hour, and eventually, it starts to get incredibly annoying! 

I get that when kids are in high school, uttering swear words is almost a rite of passage, and that a lot of them say those words in the school hallways because they may not be allowed to say them in their own homes.  But when every second word that comes out of a person’s mouth is a foul word, I’ll be completely honest, I get more bored than offended by it.  It’s one thing if one or two people are doing it.  But when EVERYONE does it, it gets to be real old, real fast.
I attended such a school where EVERYONE did it.  And it got real old, real fast.

I guess the attitude that I have towards swearing is that when it comes to having conversations with others, I admit that I have a hard time keeping a conversation going with someone when the other person is dropping an F-bomb every second word in their speech.  Not that I know a lot of people who are that coarse, but I do admit if I did, I really don’t know what my level of comfort would be.  Would I get offended?  Absolutely not.  But is it hard to follow?  I find it so, yes.  It would be one thing entirely if one or two words were uttered, but if I was in a conversation where half of it would be bleeped out, I suspect that I would feel some discomfort, especially if it were our first meeting.
(Though I also imagine that once I get to know them, I’d find myself getting annoyed less and less.  Well, unless some of that profanity was directed AT me, that is.)

I can’t speak for everyone, of course, but I appreciate and admire someone who can choose their words and who can carry on a conversation without using cuss words as a last resort.  And, in general on a personal level, I find that I’m more relaxed having conversations with people where F-bombs are limited. 


Of course, if they smash their thumb or get into a passionate argument over something, well...that’s a different story.  J