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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

May 28, 1998

Hello, everyone! And, welcome to our retrospective on this, the twenty-eighth day of May in another edition of the Tuesday Timeline!

So, let's not waste any time, shall we?

To begin our look back on all events from May 28, we are going to start off with celebrity birthdays. I want to wish Paul Hebert, Carroll Baker, Rudolph Giuliani, Gladys Knight, Billy Vera, Patch Adams, John Fogerty, Townsend Coleman, Michelle Collins, Roland Gift (Fine Young Cannibals), James Michael Tyler, Christa Miller, Phil Vassar, Kylie Minogue, Ekaterina Gordeeva, Alicia Minshew, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Alexa Davalos, Colbie Caillat, Carey Mulligan, and Jaslene Gonzalez a very happy birthday today!

And, for special events that took place on May 28, we have the following...

1588 – The Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon, Portugal towards the English Channel

1830 – Andrew Jackson signs the Indian Removal Act, relocating Native Americans

1871 – The Paris Commune falls

1892 – The Sierra Club is organized by John Muir in San Francisco, California

1908 – Ian Lancaster Fleming, author of the James Bond spy novels, is born in Mayfair, London, England

1934 – Annette, Cecile, Emilie, Marie, and Yvonne Dionne are born near Callander, Ontario, making them the first set of quintuplets to survive infancy (as of 2013, only Annette and Cecile are still living)

1937 – The Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco is opened to the public by President Roosevelt

1944 – Canadian folk singer Rita MacNeil is born on Cape Breton Island

1951 – The Goon Show is broadcast over the BBC for the first time

1952 – Women in Greece are granted the right to vote

1977 – A fire at the Beverly Hills Supper Club in Southgate, Kentucky kills 165

1993 – Eritrea and Monaco join the United Nations

1995 – An earthquake measuring 7.6 strikes the Russian town of Neftegorsk, killing over two thousand people

2012 – The discovery of “Flame” - a malware program targeting computer systems in the Middle East is announced

For today's blog entry, we're going to be flashing back in time to an event which saddened a lot of people. I know that looking back on it, I took the passing of this gifted comedian quite hard, as a lot of my childhood memories were deeply linked with this man and his talent.



Fifteen years ago today, on May 28, 1998, this man died in a senseless and tragic manner, with many people wondering why his death had to happen in the first place.



This is the story of Phil Hartman. A man so incredibly gifted in the world of comedy and who had a bright future in the entertainment industry...whose life was taken far too short by the one person who few seemed to believe could ever hurt him in that way.

Phil was born Philip Edward Hartmann on September 24, 1948 in Brantford, Ontario, Canada (at some point in his career, he lost an “N” from his last name). He was the fourth of eight children born to Rupert and Doris Hartmann, and by Phil's own admission, he was always trying to seek out attention. I suppose being smack-dab in the middle of the birth order in a really large family, it made sense for Phil to seek out attention wherever he could find it. The Hartmanns moved to the state of Connecticut when Phil was just ten years old (Phil himself would be granted American citizenship in 1990), and by the time Phil entered high school, the family settled in the West Coast, where Phil was voted “Class Clown” of Westchester High School in Los Angeles.

Now, here's something that you probably didn't know. When Phil Hartman was first starting out in his career, he initially didn't go into acting right away. One of Phil's first loves was music, and he spent some time working as a roadie for a rock band before earning a degree in graphic design in the mid-1970s. And, keeping his love of rock music alive, some of his first jobs in graphic design included designing album covers for Poco and America, and designing the logo that Crosby, Stills & Nash used. Here's one of the album covers below that Phil Hartman designed as a twenty-something young professional!



Not bad, huh?

It wasn't until the late 1970s that Phil decided to try his hand at acting. His first appearance was as one of the men looking for a love connection on “The Dating Game”, but unfortunately for Phil, his date stood him up.

It was also right around this time that Phil began to attend comedy classes run by California based improv group, “The Groundlings”. He impulsively jumped on stage and joined the cast during one of their performances, and by 1979, he had climbed the ranks to become one of the comedy troupes biggest stars.



And, I bet you didn't know that Phil Hartman was also responsible for helping create one of the most quintessential characters of the 1980s! While he was in The Groundlings, he crossed paths with Paul Reubens. Together, they created the persona of Pee-Wee Herman, who as you know was the character that helped Paul Reubens rise up in the ranks of stardom.

(Well, before his arrest in 1991 for lewd conduct, that is.)

But, even so, I gotta give Phil Hartman a lot of credit. Pee-Wee's Playhouse was one of my all-time favourite shows growing up (and I still have a soft spot for it as an adult), and Phil even appeared on several episodes of Pee-Wee's Playhouse as Captain Carl. He even wrote the screenplay for the 1985 film “Pee-Wee's Big Adventure”, and did a cameo for that very film. Unfortunately, creative differences between Hartman and Reubens caused that partnership to split up, and Hartman was left to pursue other opportunities. But, at least the experience and success that Hartman experienced with the commitment to the Pee-Wee Herman projects secured the belief that he wanted to continue his work in show business.

A lot of Phil's success came from doing voice over work for commercials and animated series. Unbeknownst to me, he voiced the role of Henry Mitchell in what was one of my favourite cartoons to watch as a kid, “Dennis the Menace”. He also did voice roles for “The Smurfs”, “The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo”, and of course “The Simpsons”.



Why, you might remember Phil Hartman as the man who voiced Lionel Hutz, Lyle Lanley, and Troy McClure during the first nine seasons of the show! I know I certainly do!



But, I would think that the one show that helped secure Phil Hartman's star power was his commitment to NBC's Saturday Night Live. Phil stayed on that program for eight years between 1986 and 1994, and over his eight years there, he was responsible for creating some of the most memorable characters that Saturday Night Live has ever featured. I just only wish I had some video clips to link here, but SNL clips are a rarity to find online.

But some of the characterizations that I remember Phil Hartman for the most was his near perfect impersonation of Bill Clinton. But, that wasn't the only one. He perfected impersonations of Ed McMahon, Phil Donahue, Frank Sinatra, and even Barbara Bush! As for original characters, well, how about Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, or Eugene, the Anal-Retentive Chef.

And, Hartman's reputation on the set of Saturday Night Live was impeccable, according to several cast members who had the good fortune of working with Hartman while he was on the show. Jan Hooks, for example, credited Hartman with helping her overcome her stage fright. Adam Sandler constantly referred to Hartman as the glue that held all of them together. Even show creator Lorne Michaels said nothing but positive comments about Hartman, who he said gave everything he had to everyone else, and expected very little in return.

Maybe that's one of the reasons why Hartman was so loved by fans all over the world. I know Phil Hartman was always one of my personal favourite cast members of Saturday Night Live (and yes, I was allowed to stay up late and watch it when I was eleven and twelve, so I do remember him).



One of Phil's final projects was the sitcom, NewsRadio, which debuted in 1995, one year after he left Saturday Night Live. He played the role of Bill McNeil, which Hartman described as himself without the ethics and character. And, although the show was never really a ratings winner, he did make enough of an impression for the show to be renewed for four seasons. And, he also did guest spots on other sitcoms as well, including a reunion with Jan Hooks on the set of NBC's “3rd Rock from the Sun”.

That's why I still can't understand how tragically it all ended in the early morning hours of May 28, 1998.



At that time, Phil Hartman was married to his third wife, Brynn. The couple had met on a blind date right around the time that Phil had gotten hired to join the cast of Saturday Night Live, and they had gotten married a year later, in 1987. On the surface, the marriage between Phil and Brynn seemed perfect, and they had two children together, Sean and Birgen.

However, the marriage itself was also plagued with problems. It was widely speculated that Brynn was resentful of Hartman's success, and that Hartman was getting more and more annoyed with Brynn's constant using of drugs and alcohol. Despite this, neither side wanted a divorce. Hartman did his best to try and get Brynn acting roles, and he even considered early retirement in an effort to keep the marriage going. But, little did either Phil or Brynn realize that both of them were on a collision course with their eternal fate...and by the end of May 28, 1998, neither one would be alive to tell the tale.

Things seemed normal on the evening of May 27, 1998. That night, Brynn Hartman went out to dinner with a friend at Encino, California's Buca di Beppo, and was described as being in good spirits that night. But by the time she had arrived back home, that mood seemed to disappear. She and Phil reportedly got into a heated argument, with Phil threatening to leave her once and for all if she didn't seek help for her drug addiction. It would end up being the last conversation either of them would have.

Shortly before 3:00am on May 28, 1998, Brynn entered Phil's bedroom where he lay asleep, armed with a handgun. She then proceeded to shoot her husband three times – twice in the head, once in the side – before fleeing to her friend, Ron Douglas' home. At the time of the murder, she was reportedly under the influence of cocaine.

Once arriving at Douglas' home, she confessed to killing Phil, although he didn't quite believe her at first. But when Douglas followed Brynn back to the Hartman house, he went upstairs to the bedroom where the crime had taken place, and he called 911 three and a half hours after the shooting.

Shortly after returning back to the Hartman household, Brynn locked herself in a bathroom and took her own life, shooting herself once in the head.



Phil Hartman was only 49 years old at the time of his death. And, Hollywood mourned his tragic death. As someone who was a huge fan of his, I took his death quite hard. I never got the chance to meet him, but I felt like I knew him from all of the hard work he did while he was still alive. And, certainly his co-stars and people who knew him felt the same way. Whether he was doing his Troy McClure voice for “The Simpsons”, playing Bill Clinton on “Saturday Night Live”, or making people laugh on “NewsRadio”, he brought the very best of himself to every part he played. In my opinion, Phil Hartman truly did have star power, but was so humble that he rarely showed it. He never seemed like he had an ego, and it seemed like it would be easy to approach him on the street and say hello.

Immediately following Hartman's death, “The Simpsons” retired all of the characters that Hartman voiced, because they knew that nobody could ever replace his voice or the love and passion that he put into that job. “NewsRadio” wrote Hartman's character out of the series and attempted to bring the show forward by bringing in Hartman's long-time friend Jon Lovitz onto the series. And, it was initially planned for Hartman to have a role in Matt Groening's other animated series “Futurama”, with Hartman voicing the character of Zapp Branigan. But with Hartman's death, longtime voice artist Billy West was given the role instead, with West purposely trying to imitate Hartman's voice as a tribute to the late actor.

And, while I'm thinking of it, the show “Futurama” also did something else to honour their fallen friend. You all know that the main character of the show was a pizza delivery boy named Fry, right? Well, Fry's real name is Phillip J. Fry, with Groening naming the character in Phil's memory.

And, Phil's name will forever be linked with Canada's Walk of Fame, getting a posthumous star in 2012 for his contributions to the entertainment industry.

It seems hard to believe that Phil Hartman would be nearly 65 years old if he were still alive. But, even though his life was taken before his time on May 28, 1998, his legacy will forever live on...and he will forever remain one of my all-time favourite performers.




Thanks for the memories, Phil...and may you be at peace.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Back to the Future - Part III

Two weeks ago, the Monday Matinee took a look at “Back to the Future”, a film in which a teenager goes back in time to the year 1955, to try his best to reunite his parents before he ceases to exist.

One week ago, the Monday Matinee took a look at “Back to the Future: Part II”, a film in which that same teenager goes forward in time to the year 2015, where he tries to save his future children from getting involved in serious criminal activity, while trying to restore the past timeline that an enemy of the family has screwed up.

We may as well conclude the last Monday Matinee in May with the final piece of the puzzle...the trilogy that changed how the world looked at time travel forever.




Back To The Future: Part III” was the last film of the series, and here's an interesting piece of trivia for all of you. Did you know that “Back To The Future: Part III” was filmed just a couple of weeks after production wrapped on the second film? Poor Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd must have been absolutely exhausted!




All that work seemed to pay off. The film was released on May 25, 1990 – almost exactly six months after the second film was released – and it garnered more positive praise than the second film. It's still not as good as the original film as far as this blogger is concerned, but on its own, it's a good standalone film, and it wraps up the series quite nicely.

All right, so to kick off the third film, we start at the same exact spot where the second film left off. When the film left off, Marty destroyed the sports almanac he purchased in 2015 that caused all the trouble in the second film, and he had successfully restored the 1955 Hill Valley and the 1985 Hill Valley back to the timeline that was established in the first movie.

Confused yet? I'll try to clarify.

Marty and Doc are initially celebrating the fact that once again, they have saved the past, present, and future of Hill Valley, and are preparing to hop back in the DeLorean time machine back to 1985 Hill Valley. Unfortunately, the weather in Hill Valley 1955 is not very good on this particular day, and when lightning strikes the DeLorean, Doc ends up disappearing with the DeLorean, leaving Marty stuck in 1955. At first, all seems lost, until a courier delivers Marty a telegram to Marty that had the date of 1885 stamped on it. The telegram is from Doc, who reveals that he has become trapped in the year 1885 and that he needs help.

At first, Marty is confused over what he should do, and who he can get to help him. But then he remembers that 1955 Doc is still in Hill Valley at this time, and when he meets up with him, the two of them use the information within the telegram to locate and restore the DeLorean so they could go to 1885 to rescue 1985 Doc.

Again, I ask...are we confused yet?

Anyway, the quest to go back in time to 1885 is kicked up a notch when Marty happens to discover a shocking fact in Hill Valley's cemetery...a tombstone with Doc's name that has an end-date that is six days after the telegram that Doc sent. Further research showed that Doc was murdered by Biff Tannen's great-grandfather Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen (Thomas F. Wilson). Time is of the essence, as Marty travels back in time to 1885 to try and save Doc from his doom.




The date that Marty arrives in is September 2, 1885, a time in which Hill Valley, California is a town that one might see in the Old West. It also happens to be a time in which the United States Cavalry is in pursuit of the Indians, adding to the danger aspect.

In fact, almost immediately after arriving in 1885, the fuel line is damaged, and Marty is forced to park the car in a nearby cave and walk the rest of the way to Hill Valley. Now, this does lead to some interesting encounters. Marty ends up meeting his own great-grandparents, Seamus and Maggie McFly (played by Fox and Lea Thompson). As well, he also meets up with Buford and his cronies, which almost ends with Marty getting himself hanged! Luckily, Doc manages to save Marty from Buford, and he agrees with Marty that maybe it would be a good thing if Doc came back to 1985 with Marty after all.

But, how would they manage to do that with a DeLorean that has no gasoline? It's not as if there are any convenient Texaco stations in 1885 Hill Valley, and even if Doc and Marty got the entire population of Hill Valley to push the DeLorean, it still wouldn't reach the 88 miles per hour required to propel them an entire century into the future. They were basically cowboys without a horse.

Doc comes up with an idea to use a locomotive to push the DeLorean to the speed needed to get back home, and when Marty and Doc do some scientific investigation, they find themselves saving the life of a woman named Clara Clayton (Mary Steenburgen), whose horse-drawn carriage goes out of control. And, it is this situation that causes Doc Brown to develop a love interest for the first time in the entire trilogy!

It's just a shame that the romantic encounter had to wait until the last film of the series, but hey...better late than never, right?

Now, without revealing how the trilogy ends too much, I'll reveal some cryptic clues that will not spoil it for those of you who have not seen the last part of the Back To The Future trilogy. Those of you who have...well, you can just ignore it.

I can tell you that the fax that Marty's girlfriend snatched from 2015 Hill Valley plays a minor role in the third film's conclusion.




I can tell you that the love story between Clara and Doc does not exactly run smoothly through the last half of the film, but you will be ultimately satisfied by the way this love story is resolved.

I can tell you that Marty McFly is left in a situation where he has to fight against Buford and his goons...only this time, he takes what he has learned in that battle to help fix future events.

And, on that note, I can also tell you the following pieces of trivia that are associated with the making of this film. Would you like to hear some of them? I bet you do.

01 – The DeLorean that was used for the filming of the third film was suspended from the ceiling of the Planet Hollywood location in Honolulu, Hawaii for many years.

02 – If you have a keen eye for detail, you might notice that in 1885, the Hill Valley newspaper editor is a man by the name of M.R. Gale. This is a hidden joke, as M.R. Gale refers to the screenwriter of the trilogy, Michael Robert Gale (credited as Bob Gale).

03 – Everyone knows that the catchphrases that Marty and Doc speak throughout the trilogy are “Yeah, this is heavy”, and “Great Scott” respectively. In this film, the two characters say each other's catchphrases!

04 – Mary Steenburgen was the producer's only choice for the role of Clara, but Steenburgen was reluctant to make a commitment to the film. Her children – being huge fans of Back to the Future – convinced her to take the part.

05 – The town that acted as the setting for 1885 Hill Valley, California was destroyed by fire in 1996...ironically enough by a lightning strike!

06 – The film was the first one to use Universal's 75th anniversary logo.

07 – The film has several references to Clint Eastwood (which made sense, since Clint Eastwood starred in several films set in the Old West). When he was asked by the producers of the film to use his name in some of the film's dialogue, he wasted no time in granting it, stating that he was flattered to have his name mentioned in the film.




08 – There's a scene in the third film where Marty McFly narrowly escapes being lynched by Buford Tannen. What we didn't know was that during the film, Michael J. Fox got into a mishap and accidentally almost hanged himself! Luckily, he was saved, but he was knocked unconscious for a few minutes.

09 – The role of Mayor Hubert was originally planned for former President Ronald Reagan, but Reagan turned it down. The part went to Hugh Gillin instead.

10 – Michael J. Fox had to take time out of filming for several weeks due to the death of his father, as well as the birth of his son, Sam.




11 – ZZ Top played the town band in the film, and during a take, one of the cameras broke. While the camera was being fixed, Fox requested a song, which the band played. This prompted other crew members to give the band requests as well, which turned into a near two-hour concert. Amusingly, Robert Zemeckis kept a secret...the camera had been fixed within the first half hour, but he stayed silent, as people were enjoying the concert too much for him to step in and shut it down!

12 – The steam locomotive used in the film was actually a model that was released in 1896...eleven years after the film was set. To camouflage this, the train was repainted to make it look like an 1885 model.

13 – Thomas F. Wilson performed his own horse riding stunts in the movie, as well as doing the lasso trick at the beginning of the 1885 scenes.

14 – In all three films, Marty McFly is knocked out cold, and when he comes to, Lea Thompson's character is always present.

15 – Look closely at the embroidery on Marty's western outfit. Doesn't it look like the symbol for atomic energy to you?

16 – In the movie, Christopher Lloyd shares an on-screen kiss with Mary Steenburgen...the ONLY ONE HE HAS EVER HAD THROUGH HIS ENTIRE CAREER!!!

17 – Seamus McFly was originally supposed to be played by Crispin Glover...but he chose not to come back to film the two sequels.

18 – In all three films, Thomas F. Wilson's character always ends up covered in manure. I wonder if he got a bonus for agreeing to that condition?


And, that concludes our look back on the Back to the Future trilogy. Hope you enjoyed the trip back through time over the last three weeks. And, remember. The future can only be controlled by what you do while you're living in the present...and as much as you might want to, you can't change the past.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

I Should Be So Lucky

All right. So, one of the things that I promised to do this year in my blog was to cut back on the pop culture and insert more personal stories. To share my goals and dreams, confess my biggest fears, and finding it within myself to talk about personal details that up until now, I've been afraid to talk about.

Today's blog entry happens to be one of those instances. I chose the Sunday Jukebox to debut this new format because I believe that everyone in the world has a song playlist that reminds them of things. Some songs are associated with personal memories such as a wedding, or their first dance. Some songs remind you of someone very special. And, in the case of today's song, the lyrics tell the tale of your own life story.

So, here's how the set-up of today's Sunday Jukebox will work. I'm going to start by introducing the artist who sings the song. Then I'll post the video of the song along with the necessary info (date released, peak position, etc.). I'll offer up a couple of paragraphs about how the song was recorded, which will include some trivia about the recording process.

And, to kick this entry off, I'll be talking about how the song relates to my own life. Why I can identify with the song completely. And, what, if anything, I've learned about myself from listening to this song. I will warn you...sometimes when I talk about personal accounts, I tend to ramble on. And, I'll let it be known right now. I know a lot of you will disagree with my take on things. At the same time, I know some will also be compassionate, and maybe take comfort in the fact that they aren't alone in feeling this way.

So, enough babbling. On with today's Sunday Jukebox entry. And, as it so happens, the artist is one that I've talked about in this blog before. I remember doing one entry on her and her sister in June 2011. I also did another piece on this singer from the Land Down Under in February 2012. Funnily enough, the piece I did in 2012 was done a couple of days before Valentine's Day, and the song was all about the concept of “love at first sight”. In a weird twist of fate, today's topic also deals with the subject of love, and this entry is being posted two days before our songbird turns 45 years of age.



Yes, today we're going to be doing a blog entry on Kylie Minogue, who if any of you have been reading this blog regularly, you know that I find her absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately, she's an absolutely gorgeous woman that I have no chance in hell of dating, but a guy can always dream, can't he?

And the song that I've chosen is one that is quite meaningful for Kylie, as it was one of her very first hits. Go on. Have a listen.



ARTIST: Kylie Minogue
SONG: I Should Be So Lucky
ALBUM: Kylie
DATE RELEASED: December 29, 1987
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS: #28

NOTE: The song actually did much better overseas, landing the #1 position in the UK, Switzerland, Japan, Hong Kong, Germany, and Kylie's native Australia.



So, here's the story behind “I Should Be So Lucky”.



In 1987, Kylie was still hard at work playing the role of Charlene Mitchell Robinson on the Australian soap opera, “Neighbours”. At a charity event, some of the Neighbours cast members performed classic songs for an audience, and Kylie decided to entertain the crowd by performing a cover version of Little Eva's “Loco-Motion”. That performance would help propel Kylie into a music career, as “Loco-Motion” became an instant hit in Australia.

(In North America, the single would not be released until 1988.)

Later that year, after the success of “Loco-Motion” in Australia, Kylie had secured a meeting with Mike Stock, Matt Aitken, and Pete Waterman to record a new single. This was a big deal for Kylie as the team of Stock/Aitken/Waterman had been responsible for giving Dead or Alive, Samantha Fox, and Bananarama huge success in their native UK.

There was just one teensy problem. The three men completely forgot that Kylie was flying out to meet them at their London, England recording studios, and when Kylie arrived, they had no song to give her!

It was to their good fortune that Kylie was a patient person. While she waited in the lobby outside the recording studio for approximately three-quarters of an hour, the trio frantically scrambled to come up with some impromptu lyrics for her to sing. It was Mike Stock who came up with the idea for the single. He figured that someone like Kylie who was a beloved soap actress in Australia, and who had the beauty and skills necessary to become a huge star one day would have one flaw in life. And, in the case of “I Should Be So Lucky”, Stock came up with the hypothetical theory that Kylie's flaw was the fact that she was unlucky in love.

INTERESTING FACT: Although Kylie's happily in a relationship with model Andres Velencoso now, Kylie's love life seemed to mirror the lyrics penned in her first big single. Her previous relationships have included her former Neighbours co-star Jason Donovan, the late Michael Hutchence, former frontman of INXS, and actor Olivier Martinez (who is currently involved with Halle Berry).



Long story short, “I Should Be So Lucky” was the one single that really seemed to catapult Kylie Minogue into super-stardom. She was immediately signed on to a four-album contract with Stock/Aitken/Waterman and Mushroom Records, and the first of those four albums, “Kylie”, was released in the summer of 1988. The same year the song began charting and her first album hit store shelves, Kylie left “Neighbours” to pursue a full-time music career...and as of May 2013, Kylie's released eleven albums with a twelfth one due out later this year. And, while Kylie's not quite as well known here in North America, in Australia and the UK, Kylie is as much a household name as Cher and Madonna.

So, that's the first two parts of what I have promised that you would find in this blog entry. You've been introduced to the song, and you've learned some interesting facts about it.

Now comes the hard part for me. How I plan to use this song and link it to my own personal account. But, you know, I look at revealing new information to people like pulling off a Band-Aid. If you hem and haw about it and pull the bandage off as slowly as possible, it hurts like heck, and causes you so much discomfort. At the same time, if you yank it off quickly in one go, the sting will be more severe, but only for a second.

So, I tried to apply that analogy to my own confession for today, and I figured that the fast, direct approach is the best way to go. So, here goes.

Like the Kylie Minogue song...I haven't been so lucky in love myself. And, it's my own damn fault!

Wow. That was a lot easier than I thought. Now I have to explain why this is the case.

Okay, so here's the skinny on yours truly. I just turned thirty-two years old. And, in my thirty-two years, I have not had so much as a significant romantic relationship that has lasted.

I just want to reiterate something though. I have been on a few dates, and contrary to my previous admission just seconds earlier, I do know a lot more about the birds and the bees than you might think. And, my lack of a relationship has nothing to do with the questioning of my own sexuality. While I'm sure most of us have questioned our orientations at some point in our lives, I do know who I am, and what qualities I would look for in pursuing a romantic relationship with members of the opposite sex.

It's just that the problem with my being in a lack of relationship...it's all on my shoulders. And, it took me this long to realize it.

I guess I should explain why this has been the case. And, keep in mind that what I am about to say is probably the most candid I've ever been in this entire blog series thus far. But in order for all of you to understand my feelings better (and for me to move one step closer to complete freedom from the shackles that have held me down all this time), I need to explain things.



I don't think I can or really should go into complete detail over what I really saw, nor am I going to name names or out people, because that's not what this blog is all about. But what I can tell you is that a lot of the relationships that I have witnessed in my childhood were toxic, destructive, and dysfunctional. Mind you, most of these relationships were centered more within my extended family, but that isn't the point. When you're a child, and you see two people who are supposed to claim that they love each other call each other nasty names, slam doors all throughout the house, and even resorting to a couple of physical attacks, it clouds your opinion of what a “fairy-tale romance” is supposed to be. Believe it or not, I was so exposed to some of these dysfunctional couplings that I had a completely warped view on what love really was.

Whenever I would watch television shows or films, I would always look at the couples who showed genuine affection towards each other, filled with hugs, kisses, and cuddles, and I would kind of stare at them blankly, because it was imagery that I wasn't used to seeing. Their display of what love was contrasted with the definition of love that I had been shown myself. And, it really left me quite conflicted as to which way was the right way for so long.

I mean, when I was a kid, I couldn't always make the claim that I knew the difference between right and wrong because a lot of kids have trouble making that distinction during the first few years of life. It's a common step in growing older and gaining more maturity in the process, and as we all well know, some people seem to do this better than others. But, when it came to the subject of love, I was so confused at how love was supposed to be that I simply told myself one day that I would never allow myself to fall in love with anyone.

And, that's basically what's happened.

Oh, sure, I did keep my heart open a little bit through my pre-teen and teenage years, but over time, that opening closed a little bit more with each passing day until I got to a point in my life where I wasn't letting any love inside at all.

And, I'm more than certain that a lot of people who know me very well have probably seen signs of this in action, not really understanding the motivation behind my actions...until now.



I mean, let's face it. Everyone in the world probably knows all about my absolute disgust with Valentine's Day. I was the kind of person who poked fun at its very existence from the get-go. And, why wouldn't I? It was a day where we somehow associate the tradition of love and romance with someone who was locked in a tower, stoned, and beheaded. Ain't that a lovely symbol of romance and passion?

To me, Valentine's Day was always the one day of the year in which guys gave girls chocolates so that six months later, the girls would have the excuse to dump their boyfriends for making them fat. A rather cynical and closed-minded view, I'll admit...but that was how I felt because I didn't have someone to share the day with. I didn't have anyone to love, nor did I have anyone to love me...

...because my own view of love and romance was so horribly skewered.



I also was one who used to make fun of those romance novels. Any book with the words “Harlequin Super Romance” was fair game as far as I was concerned. From the overembellished covers of a scantily clad woman throwing herself at a man who strangely resembled the “I Can't Believe It's Not Butter” guy, to the graphically detailed scenes of love and passion inside the pages of said books, it took everything in me not to respond with biting sarcasm, or to keep my gag reflex in check.

At the same time though, as someone who loves writing, I find that romance is one of the hardest things to write about, and I think the reason why I tended to poke fun at Harlequin romance stories was because I was a smidgen bit jealous that those writers could make writing about love, sex, and passion look so easy, while I couldn't even make my stories about love seem even remotely believable...

...mainly because of the lack of experience that I had in said subject.



Of course, I made these facts well known. I talked about how much I despised Valentine's Day at every opportunity, and I talked about how I hated romance novels, and I talked about how I hoped that on an episode of the Bachelor, one of the Bachelorettes would take control of the limousine after they were cut loose from the show and back it up over her former suitor and the other women still in the running...

...nah...that's too violent even for me. How about if when the bachelor offers the lady a rose, she promptly eats it, thorns and all. That'd be entertaining.

But you know what? All that talk about my hate of all things to do with red hearts, roses in bloom and cutesy-poo teddy bears with heart shaped noses and paws...that did nothing for me. If anything, it probably kept the wall that I had built up around my heart reinforced, which meant that it kept all future romance possibilities out of reach.

And, again, it's my own fault.

I guess when it all boils down to it, I guess I've put in a lot of effort over the years as to why I would NOT make the perfect other half for someone else. My closed heart, along with my sarcastic attitude regarding love mixed with a splash of self-deprecating humour made me the perfect person to star in that television show called “The Undateables”. It's true what they say, you know...attitude is everything, and you only get one chance to make a good impression on someone. I certainly don't believe that I made really great impressions on any potential love interests that may have presented themselves over the last few years.

And, that's because my overall attitude on love has been conflicted, to say the least.

Because of the dysfunctional relationships that I was exposed to in my early childhood, I was afraid to fall in love with someone else. What if I started to yell at them the same way that the dysfunctional couple did? What if I started to abuse them? I didn't want to put anyone through that same pain, so I decided that I would avoid that pain by not getting involved with women in a romantic fashion.

I mean, let's face it. All the signs were there. I had the low self-worth. I had the feelings of insecurity. I had the feeling that I wasn't being heard. All of these traits are common things associated with people who find themselves trapped in a loveless and/or abusive relationship. And, I guess there was a part of me that initially felt that I didn't deserve to have the experience of falling in love with someone fully and completely, getting emotionally and physically attached to them, proposing to them, getting married to them, and starting a family with them. I didn't want that because I was mistakenly lead to believe that all relationships were doomed to be as dysfunctional as the ones that littered the landscape of my extended family.

It took a long, long time for me to take the needle off of that depressing record and flip the script to a newer, more positive way of thinking. Rather than focusing about how horrible a partner that I would be to someone else based on the unhealthy relationships of other people, I would instead focus on the kind of partner that I would not want in my own life. I guess one blessing to having bore witness to so many destructive “romances” in my extended family is the idea that I'm not the person who is willing to settle for just anyone. I don't believe in casual sexual encounters just to get the experience, nor do I believe in getting involved with a person who has a toxic attitude. So, maybe instead of looking at certain family members and their screwed-up views on love and romance as a curse, I should instead look at them as a blessing.



And, I can honestly say that while I'm not quite there yet, I am opening up my heart a little bit more to the possibility that there is someone out there in the world who will love me for me, and who I will love for who they are. And, if that means stepping out of my comfort zone and finding a way to overcome the warped values concerning love that I carried with me for years, I guess that's what I'll have to do.  And, maybe then, I can find myself lucky in love one day.

Betcha never expected a Kylie Minogue single to bring forth such candid views, eh?

Saturday, May 25, 2013

The Imperfections of Archie Andrews

I'd like to start this blog entry off by posting a song. And, while I am perfectly aware that the Sunday Jukebox isn't until tomorrow, I think that this song is the best possible one to get us in the mood of today's theme.



The name of the song is “Betty”, and it was recorded by a Canadian country music artist by the name of Chris Cummings. He's not very well known in the United States, but has developed a modest following here in Canada. Born in New Brunswick in the summer of 1975, Cummings has had two #1 hits on the Canadian Country Charts, and has released five studio albums, two compilations, and thirty singles. Not a bad resume indeed.

But this entry is not about Chris Cummings. Instead, it's about the song “Betty”...or rather, one of the characters that is prominently featured in the world of Archie Comics.

And, surprisingly enough, it's not Betty.

The song perspective is through the eyes of Chris Cummings, but he does it in such a way that he is telling the story through the eyes of the comic's main protagonist.



That protagonist being Archie Andrews, of course.

And, well, the whole song basically reads like a classic comic story one might find in Pep Comics, Laugh Comics, Archie's Girls Betty & Veronica, Archie's TV Laugh-Out, Life With Archie, Archie At Riverdale High, Archie's Christmas Stocking, Archie 3000, etc, etc, etc...

Just get a glimpse at the song's first chorus.

I was Archie, he was Reggie
I guess that made her Veronica
The competition was getting heavy
Fighting for her unrequited love
And sugar sugar, I was so blind and wrong
You know that Archie should've seen this all along

And, then the chorus.

You're my Betty baby, strong and steady baby
You get me ready to face about anything
With you I cannot fail, I'm the King of Riverdale
Sell my jalopy baby just to buy you a ring

FIRST THOUGHT: I really wish there were a music video to accompany this song. I think it would have been a hoot!

And, SECOND THOUGHT...how many stories have you read that detail this very scenario?



I mean, let's face it. When it comes to many aspects of life, Archie Andrews does have a brain in his head. He can string sentences together, gets fairly average grades in school, is quite a likeable figure at Riverdale High, and he does seem to engage in a healthy social life.



It's just too bad that when it comes to romance, Archie is a complete moron, and sometimes comes across as a complete jerk.

How many times has Archie tried to bend over backwards trying to impress Veronica on a date? How many times has he competed against the snobbish Reggie Mantle to get time, love, and tenderness from the equally snobbish Veronica? And, how many times has he shoved Betty off to the side (a woman, who might I add, has unconditional love towards Archie on any given day) just so he can get a simple peck on the cheek from Veronica, Princess of Lodge Manor?



Needless to say, I'm not a huge fan of how nasty Veronica treats Archie. At the same time, I'm not really a big fan of how Archie treats Betty like a second class citizen either. So, therefore, there's a part of me that thinks that Archie is kind of getting exactly what he deserves.

And, then there's the second part of the song, in which Jughead is brought into the equation.

You know my best friend, let's call him Jughead
Come to think of it it's not much of a stretch
But even he says I've come to my senses
Chasing Veronica is like walking on a ledge
The view is so sweet if your balance is sound
But she will push you just to see how far you'll bounce

Yep...judging by the lyrics, Chris Cummings appears to know his Archie comics!

It's really no secret that Jughead is not now, nor will he ever become Veronica's biggest cheerleader. Then again, Jughead's not really any girl's cheerleader. That said, I always think that he respects Betty the most, and it's not because she makes him tasty goodies and lunches either. It's because Jughead can see that Betty's intentions were always good, and pure, and kind. And, Jughead would rather see Archie end up with someone like Betty, rather than someone like Veronica who sometimes comes across as self-absorbed. Of course, stupid Archie just tunes Jughead out. To Archie, landing a date with Veronica seems to be more of a challenge for him. I do think that Archie's feelings for Veronica are genuine, but Veronica's reciprocation of those feelings sometimes ends up flatter than a Pepsi that's sat out for two days.

So, that's the end of the argument, is it? Archie Andrews is a heartless creature who treats people like garbage in order to hang around other people who treat him like garbage?

I think not.



After all, as you have read in the chorus of the song, Chris Cummings gives “Archie” and “Betty” a happy ending, as “Archie” finally wakes up and sees just what a treasure “Betty” really is. And, there have been some stories in which Archie has actually turned down Veronica to spend the day with Betty. Not a lot, mind you, but some.

Still, the Archie/Betty/Veronica love triangle certainly doesn't seem to paint Archie in the most beautiful shades of colour. I suppose that Archie could gain back a lot of his integrity if he just smashed the triangle in a billion pieces and chose one woman right off the bat...but considering that triangle has been a huge part of the company's seventy-two year history, I doubt that will happen anytime soon. Not even in the Archie Gets Married storyline was Archie allowed to make a choice, as they had Archie marry both women in separate tales!

But, even though Archie sometimes acts like at best, an immature teenager who has no concept of what real feelings are, and at worst, a complete jerk whose irresponsibility leads to either Betty or Veronica getting hurt. And, even though sometimes Archie gets his comeuppance at the end of each story (which usually leads to him getting pushed in a fountain, hitching a ride on a moving truck out of town, getting chucked out of the Lodge Mansion by Smithers or Mr. Lodge, or being forced to walk home in nothing but his boxer shorts), he doesn't really seem to learn from his mistakes as he goes right back to his wishy-washy behaviour.

But that's just Archie's only major flaw, as far as I'm concerned. Because my argument is that despite Archie's flippant attitude towards love and commitment, he has other qualities that make him likeable.

Let's take a look at the first one.

LOYALTY: Okay, so I see some of you thinking that I've gone and contradicted myself. I can already visualize you going all “Phoenix Wright” on me, pointing your fingers at me and yelling “OBJECTION” at the top of your lungs. Just hear me out here.

When it comes to Betty and Veronica, his loyalty flip-flops so much, you might mistake Archie for a gelatin dessert. But when it comes to his male friends, he's the best friend that one could ever ask for.

I already alluded to this when we were still talking about the Chris Cummings song, but Archie and Jughead are best friends forever. And, Jughead's allegiance is solely with Betty because Jughead knows that Betty would never break Archie's heart the same way Veronica does. He doesn't want to see his best friend get hurt.



The friendship between Archie and Jughead has lasted a grand total of seventy plus years. It seems almost ironic that the most stable couple in the world of Riverdale is the friendship between Jughead and Archie. They even had their own digest title which spanned a total of thirty-one years!

But when you stop and think about it, Jughead and Archie have been through a lot together. Archie was Jughead's very first friend when Jughead's family moved to Riverdale. Jughead was willing to share the secret of the letter “S” on his assorted turtleneck sweaters with Archie and only Archie. And, Jughead and Archie have bailed each other out of trouble more times than either one of them could count. And, hey, they have a common nemesis in Reggie Mantle, so this bonds them even more.

But perhaps even more impressive than Archie's loyalty to Jughead Jones is his loyalty to his school.



I think it can be a fair assessment that Riverdale High could very well be considered Archie's home away from home. After all, he spends ten hours every weekday there.

(Well, okay, so most people at Riverdale High were only there for eight...that's taking into account all of the detentions that Archie received from Mr. Weatherbee and Miss Grundy over the years.)



The point is that Archie would do almost anything for his school. Listen to some of the ways that he helped Riverdale High for the better.

  • Saved Ms. Beazley's job on more than one occasion
  • Has talked Mr. Weatherbee and Miss Grundy out of leaving Riverdale High on at least a dozen occasions
  • Has foiled the malicious plans of Central High and Pembrooke Academy whenever they tried to interfere in school sporting and academic events
  • Has put vandals, cheats, and troublemakers in their places, all to save Riverdale High's reputation

And, this leads into my next point. Archie might be stupid with girls, but in everything else, he has a really sharp mind.



In almost every single issue of the original Life With Archie series, Archie has taken on the role of detective on more than one occasion, solving crimes and exposing criminals so quickly that it made the gang from Scooby-Doo look like amateurs in comparison. And, back in the title's heyday of the 1970s, Archie wasn't afraid to face a knife-wielding maniac, a firebug who sets buildings on fire, or even a natural disaster like a hurricane or an earthquake. He faced danger regularly to save the lives of his family, friends, neighbours, complete strangers, and even ambassadors from foreign countries!

Some might argue that Archie was kind of an idiot for getting himself into these situations in the first place, but Archie's always exhibited that bravery in situations like this. If Archie could have gotten his personal life and romance problems in order, I think Archie would have made a great private investigator.

I mean, Archie is probably one of the more complex characters in the entire Archie series, because he has so many conflicting character traits. He's heroic, but he can also be quite selfish. He's loyal, but he's also immature. He can be romantic when the situation calls for it, but he is just as capable of completely screwing things up in the time frame of a minute.

Oh, and he probably owes Mr. Lodge close to four and a half billion dollars when you consider all of the rare Ming Dynasty vases, one-of-a-kind statues, and crystal stemware he's indirectly smashed into pieces over the years.

The point is that when you take all of these traits and combine them together, they kind of average out to...well...an average personality. Mostly good, but with obvious flaws.



And, I think that's why I (and so many other Archie fans) can relate to Archie. Most of us are just like him. Mostly good, with obvious flaws. At least, that's how I see myself.


That's something that I plan to expand on in the next few entries. After all, I did promise to insert a lot more of myself into this blog this year...and sometimes it may mean that I admit to some faults that might not paint me in a positive light. But, whatever. It makes us more human, right?