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Monday, July 29, 2013

National Lampoon's Vacation

My childhood memories were for the most part good (well, aside from the whole school thing). I remember doing so many things and having so much fun when I was younger. I used to love going to the library. I enjoyed spending time at the home of my grandparents. When I was staying with my grandparents for a while, nothing gave me greater pleasure than walking down to the convenience store just across the railroad tracks and buying a comic book or a handful of penny candies.

(Yes, back in 1985, some candy still cost only a penny. And here we are 28 years later, and pennies are now as extinct – or at the very least endangered – as the penny candy itself.)

I still have fond memories of things that I used to do during my summer vacations when I was younger. Going to the carnival was one of those “must-do” things. Swimming at the local beach was also something that I had to do at least once or twice. Having water balloon wars was especially something that I looked forward to when the mercury in the thermometer topped thirty degrees Celsius. And, who knew that a simple garden hose could provide so much relief in the hot, scorching sunshine?

I even went to a summer camp program held at several of the local playgrounds in the area for six years straight, which was a lot of fun. I made a lot of friends, I played a lot of games, and I think I ate a LOT of food.

(Seriously, every week, we would have some sort of food-related event, whether it was a Hawaiian luau, or a make your own ice cream sundae party, or sampling different foods from around the world. Who needed to eat lunch?)

Yes, my childhood memories of summer were absolutely fantastic, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. However, there is always one thing that I didn't get a chance to do during any of the summers that I have lived through (even as an adult) that everyone else I knew did.

I've never gone on a real, honest vacation with my family.

I will make a confession though. 80% of the reason why my family never went on vacations during the summer break was finance related. I've talked about this before, but my family did not have much disposable income to work with. There were many times in which they had NO income to work with. Penny pinching and cutting back was just a way of life during my childhood. Sure, my parents made sure that we had food on the table and clothing on our backs, and to their credit they did an amazing job at stretching a dollar most days.

Still, as a young boy I couldn't help but feel small pangs of jealousy eating away at me whenever the following September rolled around and the teacher always asked us all what we did on our summer vacations. Many of the kids in my class would talk about all of the exciting adventures that they had during their summer holidays. They talked about meeting Cinderella and Mickey Mouse at Disneyland. They talked about going surfing on Myrtle Beach. They talked about seeing a Broadway play in New York City. I think one kid even went to London, England for a couple of weeks one year. And hearing their stories made me feel sad and ashamed in a way. Sad because my classmates got to experience all of these new places and I didn't, and ashamed because the highlight of my summer experience was going on a boat tour leaving from Gananoque (a small town just down the road from my hometown). Certainly taking a day trip around the 1000 Islands of the St. Lawrence River was nothing compared to riding around in a double decker bus around Piccadilly Circus.

And it wasn't my parents fault. They did all they could to make sure that we had a roof over our heads. I'm sure that if they could, they would have done everything in their power for us to have some wonderful vacations. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Now back in those days, I was a little bit angry that I didn't get to have the same experiences as my classmates did. But as I grew older, that anger subsided. If anything, I think that I felt bad that my parents never really had the chance to go on a vacation themselves. I don't even think they even had a honeymoon when they got married.

Of course, nowadays my family often joke about what it might have been like had we had the money and the time to plan a real family vacation and we now all have come to the same consensus.

If we went on a family vacation, none of us would be alive to tell the tale. We literally would have murdered each other on the way to our destination.

I mean, think about it. Almost every “perfect” vacation has its hiccups along the way. And in many ways, those hiccups actually make a vacation even more memorable. And looking back on it, I don't know if I would have necessarily enjoyed going on a week-long vacation with my family because I know that we more than likely would have gotten into some intense fights, and we would have had more than a meltdown or two occur, and in all likelihood, one of us would have wandered too far from the rest of the family and would have gotten lost.

(And yes, I'll admit that I would have been the one to have gotten lost.)

I almost certainly would think that if my family had chartered an R/V for a cross-country trip from Vancouver, British Columbia to St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador, we would have a rather...um...interesting experience.

Why I bet it would be almost similar to the family who starred in today's Monday Matinee. In fact, this was the very movie that helped me realize that maybe missing out on going on a real family vacation in my childhood wasn't such a bad thing after all.

I mean, just ask the Griswold family.



The Griswold family, of course, being the main characters of the 1983 film “National Lampoon's Vacation”, a movie based on a short story that writer John Hughes had published inside National Lampoon Magazine, which was based on a fictionalized account of a family vacation to Disneyland in 1958, when Hughes was eight years old.

(And, yes, this is the same John Hughes who was responsible for “Sixteen Candles”, “The Breakfast Club”, “Ferris Bueller's Day Off”, and “Home Alone”.)

The film was directed by Harold Ramis, and when it was released on July 29, 1983 (exactly thirty years ago today, might I add), it made a grand total of $61,399,552 at the box office, which for 1983 standards was a huge success.



Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo played the roles of Clark and Ellen Griswold (both Chase and D'Angelo would play the same roles in all but one of the subsequent “Vacation” movies), a couple from Chicago, Illinois who want to spend more time with their children Rusty and Audrey.

TRIVIA: In this movie, Rusty is played by Anthony Michael Hall, and Audrey is played by Dana Barron. In each of the sequels, the kids were recast. In actuality, the reason why the kids were recast for the second sequel – 1985's European Vacation – was because Hall had already committed himself to shooting “Weird Science”, and was unable to return to the sequel.

The plan for the vacation was supposed to be a simple one. Take the kids to a place called Walley World.



Um...no. Not THAT Walley World.



I mean a huge, fun, and exciting amusement park in the heart of Los Angeles (which looks almost similar to Disneyland right down to the owner of the theme park Roy Walley (Eddie Bracken) looking almost like a hybrid of Walt Disney and Roy Disney.

At first the family is looking forward to the vacation and the kids are more than excited to go on the rides and attractions once they arrive at the park which is dubbed “America's Favorite Family Fun Park”. But almost immediately a conflict arises in how the family plans on getting there. Since the theme park is all the way in California, Ellen suggests booking a flight from Chicago, but Clark puts the ixnay on the ightflay. Why would he waste money on a set of airplane tickets when he could rent a sportswagon for a cross-country trip on the highways of America? It was a win-win situation as far as Clark was concerned. He could see the sights of America while having a once-in-a-lifetime bonding experience. What could possibly go wrong?

Well...this.



And, this. (And, yes, that is supermodel Christie Brinkley dancing near the Ferrari.)



We can't have a Vacation movie without an appearance from Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid).



And...well...this rather unfortunate incident which features Aunt Edna (Imogene Coca)...a rather “lively” gal.



And when they finally arrive at the park? Well...let's just say that it didn't exactly end the way that the Griswold family hoped that it would.



Now that's all that I will reveal about the plot of National Lampoon's Vacation. I figure that the movie clips were worth more than a thousand words anyway, and besides, the ending is such that you really kind of have to see it to believe it. Let's just say that when Clark finds out that the theme park is shut down for repairs, he goes even more postal than...well...the guy from that video game “Postal”.

So, since today marks the thirtieth anniversary of this film, shall I share with you some behind the scenes trivia for this movie? There's quite a lot of it to share!



1 - Fleetwood Mac singer Lindsey Buckingham composed the theme song for this movie, “Holiday Road”. It didn't exactly do that great on the charts though, only peaking at #82 in 1983. Still, it remains a cult classic – much like the film itself.

2 – The setting for Walley World was actually Six Flags Magic Mountain in Valencia, California.

3 – The childhood pictures of Audrey hanging on the wall of the Griswold's living room were actual shots of Dana Barron that were taken while she made commercials.

4 – Dana Barron would later achieve minor success after joining the cast of Beverly Hills 90210 in 1992 as recurring character Nikki, who had a relationship with Brandon Walsh.

5 – Although the Walley World amusement park was fictional, a real life Walley World water park was opened up in London, Ontario, Canada a few years after the film was shot!

6 – Did you ever notice that Anthony Michael Hall seemed to grow three inches taller than Beverly D'Angelo at the very end of the film? There's a reason for that. The film's original ending kind of flopped with test audiences, so a new one was shot four months after principal filming ended – during which time Hall experienced a major growth spurt.

7 – Anthony Michael Hall would later join the cast of “Saturday Night Live” in 1985 at the age of just seventeen...the same show that his on-screen father, Chevy Chase starred in a decade earlier.

8 – Harold Ramis makes a cameo appearance as a police officer towards the end of the film.

9 – Harold Ramis' daughter Violet plays the role of Daisy Mabel – Cousin Eddie's tongueless daughter.

10 – Imogene Coca nearly turned down the part of Aunt Edna because she felt the character was too mean. She changed her mind, and ended up being one of the stars of the whole movie!

11 – The original ending was somewhat reused in parts of the 1989 film “National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation”. And, no, I won't reveal what the original ending is supposed to be, because I never spoil endings...real or fictional.

12 – The film was voted by Premiere as one of the 50 Greatest Comedies of All Time in 2006.

13 – The only film in the National Lampoon's Vacation series to be rated R.

14 – Director Harold Ramis stated on the DVD commentary of the film that the scene in which the Griswolds get lost in a St. Louis ghetto was one of the most politically incorrect scenes he has ever filmed in his lifetime, and that if he could go back in time, he would not have let it air the way it did.

15 – The scenes at the amusement park were not at all fun for the cast members. Three-quarters of them ended up getting violently ill. In Dana Barron's case, she had to take motion sickness pills in order to get through them.

16 – Audrey was supposed to be younger than Rusty, but in actuality, Dana Barron was born in 1966, while Hall wasn't born until 1968.

17 – Both Chase and D'Angelo recreated their roles in a 2010 Super Bowl commercial.

18 – This was the feature film debut of actress Jane Krakowski. Shortly after filming this movie, she landed a job on the soap opera “Search for Tomorrow”, but is probably best known for her role on the FOX series “Ally McBeal”.

And, that's our look back on "National Lampoon's Vacation"...a movie that almost made me feel happy that I didn't get a chance to go on a family vacation.  After all, it could have ended up like the Griswold's!

Still though...although I can't go back in time and change things...I wonder what it would have been like if I could have had that chance.  


One thing is for sure.  It's something that I want to rectify.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Saturday In The Park

The summer is already in full swing, and by my last count, we still have plenty of summer days left on our calendar. There's still plenty of time to kick back with a nice cool beverage by the pool side, applying suntan lotion all over yourself (perhaps the nice coconut scented Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen with 60 SPF that I usually use on the hottest days of the year), and enjoy such summer activities like swimming, volleyball on the beach, barbecuing, and frisbee throwing...

...or, you could be like me and not have any vacation time until September and spend the entire summer working for a living.

But no...I'm not bitter about that. Much. I just have to keep telling myself that September is technically a month that is more summer than fall and that it will still be lovely weather the week I do go on vacation, and that I'll still manage to enjoy having some time off even though it's at the tail end of the summer months...

...yeah, I'm not convincing you, am I? I'm not even convincing MYSELF here!



Oh well...at least there's one thing that I can have going for me. I have downloaded onto my iPod what I believe to be some of the most quintessential songs necessary for anybody's summer soundtrack. And, for the rest of the summer, I plan on sharing some of these songs with all of you in this and every Sunday Jukebox until the official end of summer 2013, which this year will be on a Sunday (September 22).

I figure that if I do this, then at least I'll be able to partially enjoy some of the summer through music. And, hey, it may give all of you reading this some ideas of songs to play at your own summer celebrations.

So, let's get right into it with today's summer favourite.

First, I'll give you a little bit of a personal story in regards to this song. It happens to be a song that I heard a lot in my childhood. Back in the days of the 1980s, my mom would always have our local radio station turned on whether she was listening to it in the kitchen while she was baking cookies, or in the car radio driving all over town. The radio station at that time was an AM radio station (it switched over to FM radio in either the late 1990s or early 2000s), and as far back as I could remember, kids my age used to make fun of it.

Let's face it. AM radio had its place in history, but by the 1980s, it was becoming incredibly old-fashioned and inconvenient. The sound quality of AM radio was poor compared to the crisp, stereo sound of FM radio. You practically had to strain your ears to be able to listen to some songs. It just couldn't compare to the radio station that my peers and I preferred to listen to (which at the time was Ogdensburg's PAC 93).

And this brings me to my next point. The reason that my classmates and I tuned into PAC 93 during our formative years was because it was the one radio station that played music from the Top 40 charts. I don't even think that the radio station played anything that was recorded before 1979. It had the biggest hits, it had the coolest disc jockeys, it even had Casey Kasem on weekends!

Our local AM radio station seemed to only have twenty-five albums at its disposal. And more often than not, they played music that predated even myself. Lots of 1970s soft rock, 1980s adult contemporary and even some...shudder...disco. It was fine for people like my parents and elder siblings who grew up listening to that type of music, but as a nine year old kid, I was more content listening to MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, R.E.M., Paula Abdul, Madonna, and Duran Duran.

(Quite the eclectic mix, huh?)

However, once in a while the local radio station would pull out a few gems from their limited record collection. Songs that I would actually like listening to. Granted, the sound quality was still terrible, but again, it was AM radio.

This particular song happens to be forty-one years old this month, and it was recorded by a band that has gone through some major changes in members and style over its forty-six year history.

Can you believe it? The band's been together forty-six years! The only band I know that has lasted longer is “The Rolling Stones”, and half the time, I find myself finding it hard to believe that Mick Jagger turned seventy years old two days ago!

Anyway, this particular song was recorded on America's 195th birthday – July 4, 1971. This band was set to record their latest album in New York City right around that time, and to pass the time in New York, one of the band members took a tour around Central Park, which at the time was filled with people celebrating America's birthday. And according to him, the park had it all. From buskers to steel drum players to singers to dancers, it inspired this man to jot down a few lyrics based on what he had seen. When he returned to the hotel where the rest of the band were staying, he talked the other members into putting the lyrics to music.

That song became the band's highest charting single at that time, and helped the band's album reach the top spot on the Billboard 200 album list.



So, given that Robert Lamm came up with the inspiration behind the song that peaked at #3 on the charts in the summer of 1972, it was only appropriate that Lamm be the lead vocalist for the following single.



ARTIST: Chicago
SONG: Saturday In The Park
ALBUM: Chicago V
DATE RELEASED: July 10, 1972
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS: #3



So, at the time that this single was released, the album “Chicago V” was actually the band's fourth studio album. Confused? Don't be. The live album that the band released in 1971 “Chicago at Carnegie Hall” could also be considered “Chicago IV”. You see, that was the thing with Chicago. Almost all of their albums had the same name...Chicago. The only way to tell which album was which was by the Roman numeral that followed afterward. In total, Chicago has released a total of thirty-four albums...

...or I guess that should be XXXIV albums.

Now, over those thirty-four albums, the line-up of Chicago changed more often than most people changed their underpants, so it could be very hard to determine which band member played on which album. Fortunately, I have the list of all seven band members who were a part of the Chicago V album, and by association, “Saturday In The Park”.



You already know that Robert Lamm sang the vocals and played keyboards on the single. Now meet the other members of the band during 1972. They were...

Terry Kath – guitar, vocals
Peter Cetera – bass, vocals
Lee Loughnane – trumpet, flugelhorn, percussion, vocals
James Pankow – trombone, percussion
Walter Parazaider – woodwinds, percussion
Danny Seraphine – drums, congas, antique bells

You know, that's quite an assortment of musical instruments and talent. And, speaking of talent, there's a couple of pieces of trivia that I want to share in regards to this song.

First, Peter Cetera's voice can be heard in the background of “Saturday In The Park”. And secondly, the real all-star of Chicago V was Robert Lamm. Not only did he provide lead vocals and write “Saturday In The Park”, but he wrote eight of the ten tracks listed on the Chicago V album!

To Chicago's credit, the whole Chicago V album was absolutely amazing. I think it's probably one of their most successful albums, and it happens to be one that has some of the band's best works. And, it was recorded at a time in which the band was gelling well together both professionally and personally. Who knew that just five and a half years after this single was released that Terry Kath would accidentally kill himself with a self-inflicted gunshot wound just days before he turned thirty-two?

Saturday In The Park” was, I think, one of the songs that helped showcase the band at its very best. And, how could you not be in a great mood after hearing this song? One of the reasons I loved listening to the song as a child was because it sounded so happy and carefree...the way that some of our most memorable summers should be. And, it was a very positive song with a very positive message which some might not get until the very last verse.

The first third of the song talks about a man walking through the park on what he thought was the fourth of July.

TRIVIA: It wasn't. The fourth of July fell on a Sunday in 1971, which was the day that Robert Lamm strolled through Central Park which inspired the song. However, the following Saturday was July 10...which was exactly one year before the single was released onto radio!

But the sights that he saw while he was waiting for Saturday to come were very pleasant. Who doesn't love the sounds of people talking and laughing? And who didn't love going up to the man selling ice cream, wanting to purchase a popsicle or a fudgsicle? It takes me back to the days in which my grandmother and grandfather were still alive and the ice cream wagon used to drive by their house. I don't know how much ice cream I bought from that man, but I estimate that I probably helped him put a down payment on a house.

Heh...just kidding.

TRIVIA: You know in the first verse where Robert Lamm sings about that man selling ice cream singing Italian songs? Well, in the actual lyrics for the song, that lyric is represented by a question mark! You see, the Italian lyrics were completely improvised on the spot. The first part of the Italian lyric is “Eh Cumpari”, and then a bunch of nonsensical Italian words following suit. I would imagine that if someone from Italy were hearing this song for the first time, they'd be a hundred shades of confused!

It's not until we get to hear the second and third verses that the bigger picture opens up.

The song itself is filled with fantastic images, and every time I hear this song I can picture all of it as if I were walking through the park and gazing at all the people having fun. I could picture the man singing in the park with his guitar with his desire to change the world through music. I could see everyone laughing in the park. I could see the people coming together to celebrate the love and the freedom and the happiness that they felt in that park on that fourth of July. And, it comes down to this rhetorical question.

Why can't every day be like that?

Why can't we all come together and celebrate love instead of tearing each other apart to feed the hate? Why can't we all just celebrate life and all the day-to-day joys that can come from simply living?

Well, according to Chicago, they've been waiting for a long time for that day. In fact, I think a lot of us have been waiting for a long time for a day in which we can all just let loose and have fun enjoying what life has to offer without worry or fear.


I think almost all of us are waiting for that day to come.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Justin, Jay-Jay, and the Juvenile Dinkent

Okay, so for this week's edition of the Saturday Smorgasbord, I will be doing a feature on either a book series, a comic book, or a magazine. And, since it has been a while since I featured a children's book in this space, I thought that there would be no time like the present to feature a book that was specifically targeted for the preteen market.

The problem was that I had difficulty narrowing down my choices. You see, I read so many books as a kid that I have a difficult time keeping track of all the ones that I remembered reading. There were so many times in which I probably read the same book dozens and dozens of times and not even realized it. But I didn't care. If the story was decent and had a good plot with a little bit of humour mixed in, I would happily read and re-read it.

Such is the case of today's book spotlight. We're going back to the year 1986 for this children's book, as that was the year it was first published, however my first experience with this book dates back well over twenty years ago.

The year was 1990. Or, was it 1991? I can't remember now. But I do know that it was during the fourth grade, as Mrs. Moore was the teacher at the time. And, I was in fourth grade during the 1990/1991 school year.

Elementary school was a rather interesting time for me. There were some moments that I could have done without. The embarrassing gym class memories, the nasty kids who used to beat me up in the schoolyard, math class...yeah, all those things I could do without.

But one fond memory I have of Mrs. Moore's fourth grade class was the breaks that we would have in between learning. You see, Mrs. Moore was the type of teacher who liked to read us stories, and she always had great taste in books. And she read the books with so much energy and passion that it kept the class captivated the whole time, and we were looking forward to the next chapter.

Believe me, that was very important to me. My first grade teacher had a really bad habit of killing every story that came into her contact with her lacklustre delivery. She even made Dr. Seuss books sound about as appealing as getting a tooth removed at the dentist.

Getting back to the topic at hand, I was introduced to this book by Mrs. Moore. It was already in her collection of books, and she decided to read us this story in between math and humanities classes to break up the routine a little bit. From the very beginning of this book, my entire class was hooked on the story, and I personally found the book very entertaining. I found it so entertaining that when it was offered in the Scholastic Book Club one year, I ordered it, and read it so much that the cover actually fell off.

Here's a tip for all of you out there. If you're ever in a used book store, don't dismiss those books that have dog eared pages and battered covers. They were probably previously owned by someone who really loved the book. In fact, the majority of the books that I absolutely loved as a kid ended up in terrible condition after reading and re-reading them several hundred times.

So, what book could possibly be so good that I had to read it over and over again?

It was this one.



Justin, Jay-Jay, and the Juvenile Dinkent.

And, yes, there's a reason why I italicized the word “dinkent”. A couple, actually.

First, the word “dinkent” is supposed to be the word “delinquent”. The reason why author Paul Kropp chose this word was because it was how one of the main characters pronounced the word delinquent (the character being kindergarten or grade one aged).

And, secondly, it is that word that prompted a title change for this book in the mid-1990s, as some parents felt that the word “dinkent” was inappropriate for young children. Because as we all know, the “Helen Lovejoys” of the world know exactly what's best for young children.

Needless to say, the book can also be found under the less threatening title Fast Times With Fred. But, just for the sake of argument, we're going to use the original title. I find it more fun.

So, here's the story.

The setting is typical suburbia America, and in the middle of the neighbourhood, we have a typical middle-class family. There's a mother, a father, and their two children. There's Justin, a kindergarten/grade one aged kid (I used to know what their ages were, but it's been a while since I last read the book), who is about as optimistic as they come. He finds joy in anything and everything, is very adventurous, and always says what is on his mind...regardless of whether the word is pronounced correctly or not. And, there's Jason, who is approximately five years older than Justin, and is a lot more “mature” than Justin. He saves his money, does his chores, and always talks down to people who he thinks don't measure up to him on a level of intelligence.

Truth be told, Jason kind of annoyed me in the book.

One last thing I should note. Jason is referred to in the book as Jay-Jay, as Justin can't say the word Jason yet.

The book begins with Justin and Jason's parents struggling to find a regular babysitter for the two boys. Despite Jason's assertions that he is old enough to look after Justin and make sure that he doesn't end up dead by the end of the night, his parents won't have any of that. The problem is that the father's idea of who they should hire doesn't exactly sit well with the mother. The father teaches at a high school where one of his students is a sixteen-year-old boy named Fred, who has gotten involved with the wrong crowd, and has gotten into trouble. Justin and Jason's father thinks that by giving Fred a chance to look after the boys, it may give him some much needed responsibility and maturity needed to get out of trouble and stay out of trouble.

Despite the mom's objections, Fred becomes the babysitter of Justin and Jason for a trial period. And, after taking one look at Fred with his oversized clothing, gawky appearance, and unkempt style, Jason was appalled, Justin was thrilled, and Jason and Justin's mother wanted to run upstairs and lock the door, fearing that Fred was going to come and rob the place.

Nevertheless, Justin and Jason's father is still willing to give Fred a chance, so the adventures of Justin, Jay-Jay, and the Juvenile “Dinkent” begin.

And, boy oh boy, do Justin and Jason get thrown into Fred's world in a big way.



It all starts with Fred's truck, which Justin happily points out “smells like poo”. Apparently Fred holds down a job of transporting manure in the back of his truck, which has seeped out of the bags and onto the truck's cab. Justin didn't care too much, but Jason looked like he wanted to be sick.



Then Justin gets hungry and wants to have french fries from McDonald's and a Ronald McDonald vacuum cleaner thrown in for good measure. Fred is totally against going to McDonald's, claiming that Ronald McDonald is demented, but Justin didn't care how “dented” Ronald McDonald was. He wanted food. Jason meanwhile was very frustrated, as he had to finance the trip to McDonald's. Of course, that trip to McDonald's ended up being a disaster as an old face from Fred's past comes back to haunt him, and Fred, Justin, and Jason are forced to flee the fast food joint in fear...AFTER Jason already paid for the meal.

Their second attempt to grab a bite to eat didn't end much better, with Fred pretending to pass out at the restaurant in an effort to avoid paying for the meal (hmmm...maybe Mother was right about Fred after all).

Finally, Fred decided to take Justin and Jason to his house, where Fred promised to put his culinary skills to good use by making them homemade french fries and onion rings. And, it's here that we learn just how bad a hand Fred was dealt. He lives in a house that appeared as if a gentle breeze could knock it down, and Fred talked about having to live with his older brother, who really didn't have much love for him. The scenes at Fred's house certainly made Jason learn a little more compassion, and he actually began to understand why Fred was the way he was, and he started to treat Fred with a little more respect – in spite of the fact that “Fred's Fries” tasted like onions, and Fred's hatred of the Brady Bunch.

However, an incident happens to Fred that causes him to re-evaluate everything he ever believed about himself. It involves a razor, Fred's eyebrows, and the mysterious man from Fred's past that Fred was terrified of at McDonald's. And, by the end of the book, there's one final confrontation between Fred and this man...and poor Justin and Jason happen to bear witness to the whole thing.

But don't worry...the ending of the book is quite satisfying. Fred realizes that he can't live the way he is living anymore, and makes changes to help him get out of the hole that he initially dug himself into. But I think that Justin and Jason learned a little bit about themselves just based on spending so much time with Fred.

At any rate, it's a great story that I recommend to people. It's got a great message, some humour, and really showcases the changes that the characters all go through. And, considering that there were two additional books created that feature Justin, Jay-Jay, and the Juvenile “Dinkent”, I would say that Fred ended up doing quite well for himself.


(Well, I can only make that assumption, since I haven't read the sequel books.)

Friday, July 26, 2013

The 10 Most Forgotten Reality Shows of All Time

Now, I know what you're thinking. Television in the year 2013 is a cesspool. All there is to watch is cheaply produced reality television programs cast with some of the most vapid, obnoxious, fame-hungry people on the entire planet.

And, well...in many cases, you would be right.

From the granddaddy of reality television shows like “Survivor”, “Big Brother” and “The Bachelor” to newer offerings such as “The Winner”, “Whodunnit” and “The American Baking Competition”, reality television seems to be here to stay for the foreseeable future.

Whether we want it or not.

But that's fine with me. I happen to be a fan of reality based television for several reasons. One, it happens to be a fun distraction by watching what other people's definition of what “reality” is. Two, it makes me feel a little bit more secure in my own life watching some of the train-wrecks that are cast in these types of shows. And thirdly, I have to admit that some of the reality shows that I watch, I actually want to be a contestant on!

I know for sure that I will never be the next American Idol (mainly because I am Canadian). But I bet I could kick butt on Big Brother. I don't think I could stomach being “The Bachelor”, but I wouldn't mind going all over the world in “The Amazing Race”. And, I know that I will never be considered “America's Next Top Model” (nor would I WANT to). But if they ever had a reality show where people competed to be the best writer, I think I could really give the other contestants a run for their money.

Now some of these shows are absolute trash, and I would never want to be seen watching them (“Jersey Shore”, for example), but there are others that I have watched since the very beginning.

And, some reality shows tend to last a lot longer than others due to the producers always trying new things to spice them up (though some changes don't sit well with viewers). It's why “Big Brother” is currently airing its fifteenth season, “Hell's Kitchen” just concluded their eleventh, “Survivor” is about to kick off their twenty-seventh year on the air, and “America's Next Top Model” is set to air season...

...ahem...cycle 20.

But what about those reality shows that only lasted a season or two? Do you remember those at all?

Well, that's what this entry is all about. Today we're going to be looking at the forgotten reality shows of the last two decades. In 1992, a television show called “The Real World” began airing on MTV, which featured a group of young Americans living together in a house. There were no cash prizes, no battles for control, and no fighting to survive on a deserted island. It was just about people struggling to fit into a world that they didn't necessarily always understand. For whatever reason, the show became one of MTV's highest rated programs, and I think the success of the show kicked off the reality television movement.

And, as I stated before, many shows have survived and thrived. And, then there's this collection of ten shows, which you will see below. Some of them were ones that I really liked and enjoyed, and hoped that they would bring them back on the air one day. Others were shows that I was surprised even lasted the entire season. And, in the case of one program, it was so terrible that they ended up cancelling the show after just two episodes!

So, let's get this look back on the most forgotten reality shows of all time.



1 – MURDER IN SMALL TOWN X (FOX)
July 24, 2001 – September 4, 2001

Twelve years ago, I was absolutely glued to my television set watching this reality series unfold on FOX. It was as if you were watching a miniseries where you were trying to figure out who a serial killer was...only it was a reality show.

I'll give FOX a lot of credit. They went all out for this television series, which was set in the fictional community of Sunrise, Maine (actually known as Eastport, Maine). Ten people arrived at the fishing town to solve the murder of an entire family – The Flints. But as the show progressed, more and more people were murdered, and the investigators were eliminated one by one by playing the “killer's game” by being killed off until only two remained.

(Just so you know, nobody actually ended up dying during the game. In fact, one of the investigators that was eliminated later became a contestant on “The Apprentice” four years later.)

It was a brilliant storyline, capped off by the fact that all the key suspects in the game were hired actors and actresses who stayed in character 24 hours a day, seven days a week until the mystery was over.



Unfortunately, the show only lasted one season. And, sadly, the winner of the game, firefighter Angel Juarbe, Jr. was killed on September 11, 2001 in an attempt to rescue people from the World Trade Center in New York. His death occurred just one week after the show's finale aired, making it even more of a tragedy.



2 – THE APPRENTICE: MARTHA STEWART (NBC)
September 21, 2005 – December 21, 2005

Okay, so most of you have likely heard of the Donald Trump version, which has aired both civilian and celebrity versions since 2004. Well, Martha Stewart decided to give the franchise a whirl by hosting her own version of the show, which saw sixteen people competing against each other in the chance to become Martha's next apprentice.

The show was exciting and new, as we saw such breathtaking tasks as writing a children's book, or designing a new flavour of salad dressing. And, when teams won, we got to see them enjoy such fancy and elaborate outings with Martha Stewart such as touring one of Martha's homes, or playing Scrabble with Martha.

Oh, who am I kidding? The show was a disaster from the very beginning! The only things that were redeeming about the show was that we had a character that we loved to hate on the show (Jim), and that it was the show that introduced us to Bethenny Frankel...which depending on who you talk to may or may not be a good thing.



3 – WHO WANTS TO MARRY A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE? (FOX)
February 25, 2000

I suppose that the best thing about this show was that it only lasted one episode. It was a two-hour television event (predating Survivor by three months) which saw fifty women competing against each other to marry a man who they did not know. And, the women didn't know who he was either. All they had to go on was a silhouette. By the end of the episode, registered nurse Darva Conger was selected to marry Rick Rockwell, got married on the show, and they lived happily ever after...

...for all of a few days.

With the “multi-millionaire” status of Rick Rockwell in question, we later learned that Rick Rockwell was actually Richard Balkey, a man whose net worth was only two million dollars, and who had a restraining order against him by a former girlfriend. And that was enough for Darva Conger to want a divorce. It was a disaster of a show from the beginning, and an even bigger PR disaster for the parties involved.



4 – WICKEDLY PERFECT (CBS)
January 2005 – March 2005

Okay, so Wickedly Perfect was a show that was hosted by former Good Morning America host Joan Lunden, and it was kind of similar in format to Martha Stewart's Apprentice. Contestants competed against each other in a variety of creative tasks to become the next Martha Stewart, complete with prizes that would help them achieve that goal.

Well, the winner of that show was Kimberly Kennedy. But how many of you actually knew that? Since the show wrapped in 2005, I haven't seen her name appearing on magazines, or have seen her on television shows, or anything. It was a nice idea for a show, and should have been more well-received...but the snoozefest that ultimately was associated with this show was anything but...well...wickedly perfect.



5 – MR. PERSONALITY (FOX)
April 2003 – May 2003

I am one who believes that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I am not one who would fall in love with someone based on how they look. For me, personality is everything. So, a show that has a woman who is looking for her one true love in a room where all the men's faces are covered should sound like a good idea in theory, right?

Problem #1 – The program was hosted by Monica Lewinsky.
Problem #2 – The men on the show had really ugly personalities.
Problem #3 – By the end of the show, we didn't care if the woman did find love.

Recipe for disaster...but not as bad as...



6 – CUPID (CBS)
July 2003 – September 2003

Everyone knows of the impact that Simon Cowell has had in the music industry. He was the “Mean Judge” of American Idol for nearly ten years, and he currently is working as a judge on “Britain's Got Talent”.

Unfortunately, his efforts to create a dating show fell apart. The show was about a 25-year-old woman named Lisa, who was looking for love. She was also attached to a million dollar dowry, which proved to be problematic. Guys auditioned to get into Lisa's dowry...ah, erm...heart, and it became really clear who was there for love, and who was there for money. Luckily, Lisa had her two friends Kimberly and Laura there to weed out the good from the bad.

It's just too bad that Laura was an attack dog, who was incredibly snobbish and rude to all the men who were there. And, it's too bad that America had the control over who they wanted to see on the show (which explains why the worst guy of the bunch ended up in the final two). And, it's a shame that as the show progressed, we got to see that Lisa was just becoming frustrated by the whole experience, and showed off a bratty side that wasn't very becoming at all. It was a terrible idea for a show, and by the end, we just didn't care about Lisa OR her million dollar dowry.



7 – KID NATION (CBS)
September 19, 2007 – December 12, 2007

If you were into watching kids between the ages of eight and sixteen slaving away doing hard labour, getting into fights over brutal working and living conditions, and watching kids try to start up a society, then this is the show for you. Forty kids from all over the United States were brought into an abandoned town to learn all about civics and city planning while starting up their own town. Some children were awarded stars for their hard work and performances, which were worth lots of money for their college tuitions.

The show was associated with a lot of controversy, and many people felt that the show was exploiting children. But, I'll also be the first to admit that I watched the whole show, and I didn't find it as bad as I should have. The kids were working hard, but many of them treated the whole experience as a game, and had fun. You could definitely see that. And, if at the end of it all, I think that they had a life-changing experience that will change the way that they see the world. At least, one can hope.

And, here's a scary thing to consider. The oldest kids on this series would be in college now!



8 – TRUE BEAUTY (ABC)
January 5, 2009 – July 19, 2010

The show only lasted two seasons, but I happened to like the premise a lot. The show was cast with the most beautiful looking people in the world (and they will tell you that themselves too), and they were brought to a nice mansion competing in photo shoots that would help the judges determine who would win a modeling contest.

There was just one catch. The contest measured their inner beauty.

Hidden cameras caught the contestants being put in various moral and ethical dilemmas, and the person who passed most of the tests would win the honour of being a true beauty. These tasks could include helping someone find a lost ring, treating people with respect on photo shoots, even something as ridiculously simple as holding a door open for another person. It was a great social experiment show, and I'm sorry to see it not air anymore.

9 – GREATEST AMERICAN DOG (CBS)
July 10, 2008 – September 10, 2008

Okay, so the series in itself was predictable, and unless you were a dog lover, you didn't really get the hype. But this one series run of the show did have two things that were going for it. We got to see just how wonderful the love is between a dog and his/her master, and the winners of the competition (Travis and his dog Presley) were definitely the most deserving of the group to win it all.



And secondly, we got to see this dogfight between two judges...which I will happily show on this blog because I couldn't stand either one!



10 – THE WILL (CBS)
January 8, 2005 – January 8, 2005

No, I haven't made a typo. This show only did last one episode. When I describe what the show is all about, you'll understand why.

The show was created by Mike Fleiss of “Bachelor” fame, and the show featured Bill Long, a multi-millionaire from Arizona.

Turns out that Bill is updating his will, and he wants to decide who he should leave his entire fortune to. So, he does what almost everyone else in the world would NEVER do. Pit ten of his relatives and friends against each other to compete in a series of degrading tasks to win the whole shebang when Bill eventually passes on.

I mean...WHAT?

The fact that having a reality show competition to divvy up your possessions after you die is tacky enough. But to pit the people you supposedly love more than anything in the world against each other to win those possessions? I don't know whether I should be disgusted with Bill for suggesting such a ridiculous thing or feel sorry for him in knowing that his relatives are such gold-digging creeps.

You know, on second thought, I feel disgust. Many of the “relatives” competing in
The Will were the relatives of his wife Penny, who is the classic characterization of the phrase “gold-digging bimbo”. And, in the end, Penny was the one who WON the competition...beating out Bill's own SON!!! And, you thought your Thanksgiving dinners were hell!

The show was cancelled on CBS after one episode, and later aired in full on FOX Reality Channel. But seriously, the fact that a show like that even existed in the first place makes me want to go over to his ranch and knock it down so that nobody could have it! Easily the worst reality series of all time.


Thursday, July 25, 2013

Going Cold Turkey - Facebook Gamers...DIVIDE!

This week's Thursday Diary entry is going to be one that may appear to be on the most superficial topics that I could ever think of...but when you begin to read on, it will begin to make some sense. It's a blog entry that is one-third frustration, one-third disappointment, and one-third realization.

Confused? Don't be. It's all explained on the inside.

July 25, 2013

As far back as I can remember, I have always been attracted to electronic games.

I still have memories of being sick with the flu when I was a little boy, and passing the time by playing on my sister's retro Merlin toy from the late 1970s. Although the only thing that it really ever did was play music and tic-tac-toe, it was still a toy that I loved...well, until the batteries finally died out and the mechanisms that controlled the Merlin finally broke down for good.

But I think playing that Merlin kind of fueled my love for electronic games. And, I'm sorry to say that in a lot of cases, my love for electronic games went out of control when I was a teenager.

Let's face it. When you combine a love for video games with a rather introverted personality – which I admittedly have – they can take over all of your free time.

It wasn't uncommon for me to sit down in front of my Super Nintendo and play Super Mario World straight through for a few hours, trying to find all ninety-six secrets scattered throughout the game. It wasn't uncommon for me to don my pretend swords and armor to slay dozens of soldiers, monsters, and magical beasts in the Final Fantasy series. And, don't even get me started on how many hours I wasted playing Chrono Trigger. Needless to say, I don't even want to think of how many hours I wasted playing video games because I would likely drop dead of shock.

But, such was the life of an introverted teen, I suppose.

The funny thing is that when I was maturing from my teenage years and into my twenties, I kind of lost interest in gaming for a while. Mind you, I do currently own a Nintendo 3DS and have several games for it, but I only play it once or twice a week as opposed to three or four hours per day. Part of the reason for that is my job. Working full-time hours certainly doesn't leave a whole lot of time to play video games, and I find that on days in which I do work an eight hour shift, I am just too tired to concentrate on a video game.

But lately I have found that my obsession towards video games has taken on a new development, and lately I find that I am now wasting time playing games that are not only less sophisticated than a Nintendo game, but also more mindless.

And I'm sure that any of you who are a member of a social media site know exactly what I am talking about.

Social media games.

When I first began venturing onto social media sites six years ago, I saw quite a few people playing video games on places like Facebook and Twitter. Back in 2007, there were very limited options available. I think some of the earliest Facebook games that I can remember seeing around the time I joined were Farmville, Mafia Wars, and Parking Wars. And while I admit to playing at least two of these games, I tended to lose interest rather quickly.

Over the next few years, other games have come and gone, and sometimes I got into them and sometimes I didn't. I admit to playing the CSI game for a couple of months, but lost interest after I got fed up with waiting so long to proceed in the game. I played another game that was fun for all of two minutes, but kept getting at least 150 game requests from my “friends” as a result of trying that game out for all of two minutes.

Which prompted me to seek out a Facebook game which allowed you to kick your friends across a field so I could get “revenge” against those who kept sending me game requests which were unsolicited!

But other than that, I took pride in telling myself that I could break the habit of getting suckered into Facebook games and that I wasn't nearly as much of an addict as I initially believed.

Well, that was until 2012, in which I started playing two more Facebook games...and bought into the hype – hook, line, and sinker.



Fortunately, I just recently kicked the habit regarding one Facebook game. For six months, I played the game “Criminal Case” daily. And, I'm kind of ashamed to admit that, because I can't believe that I played any Facebook game for that long. But, I guess in order for us to break a habit, we have to be the one to admit that we have a problem.

My name is Matthew, and I am a recovering “Criminal Case” addict.

I couldn't help it at first. I love a good murder mystery. It's why I actively seek out video games that feature one, and why the Ace Attorney video game series for the Nintendo DS was so much fun. When I discovered that “Criminal Case” had crimes that one could solve each day (with new cases being added every week), I figured that I could have a lot of fun with it.

And it was fun the first few months.



The way “Criminal Case” worked was like a hidden object game. You would look for clues inside of a scene, and then you would take those clues and examine them for information on who killed the victim. You could dust for prints, examine hair and skin fragments, and interview suspects to get closer to the truth. The real kicker was that you had to play crime scenes in order to earn enough stars to conduct your investigation. That could take time. And, each time you played a crime scene, you depleted your “energy”, which could take forever to fill up.

In fact, I think that's where I kind of lost interest in “Criminal Case”. The early cases were such that you could speed through them in a day or two. But as you played through the game, the cases got longer, more complex, and took up way too much time to get through them. And, on the last case that I solved, realizing that it took me a whole week to play through one case, it got to the point where it was not worth the wait anymore.

But that was just one reason why I gave up “Criminal Case” cold turkey.

Another reason why I gave up playing the game was because I wasn't finding it as much fun anymore. And that was partially due to the fact that I was getting bored with it. After all, every case was exactly the same and was exactly the same format. I lost interest in the gameplay a lot later than I thought I would, but eventually that day came last week, and I haven't looked back.



But the main factor behind why I lost interest in the game was the sheer amount of people who were on my friends list solely to get the freebies that one could earn while playing the game. Not that I really have an issue with helping people out in their games.

What I did have an issue with was when people would take the freebies that I had posted onto my wall and posted them on the walls of other Facebook friends on their lists so that they could get in on the deals WITHOUT asking my permission. Nor do I appreciate having those friends randomly adding me onto their friends list just so they could get free stuff for their own “Criminal Case” games. And, to most of my friends credit, a lot of them were very respectful in that regard. Unfortunately, there were a couple who took advantage of that in a big way, and that was enough for me to say that I had enough. When I start getting friend requests from people I don't even know, and when people start hijacking my posts on my wall because a friend on my wall lead them to it, I don't know...it just rubs me the wrong way.

I mean, I know that in the grand scheme of things, I'm complaining about a computer game. And, yes, there are way more important things to vent about. But as I have mentioned before in this blog, I take friendship quite seriously. Perhaps I take it even more seriously than other people have done. But that's the way I am and have always been, and I don't know if I can or even want to change that about myself. I don't really like having to deal with people in day-to-day life who use me, or who are only nice to me when they want something from me...and then once I give it to them, they go right back to ignoring me, or making fun of me. I've had to deal with that too much in my real life, and I decided that I didn't want to deal with that in a computer game either.

So, I dropped “Criminal Case” from my life. And, I think it was a wise decision, because not only do I free myself from a time-wasting game (which allows me more time to spend on my first love – writing), but I also freed myself of the people who were only on the game just for what I could give them. And, needless to say, the ones who were most guilty of this are no longer considered friends.

But you know, that's why I enjoy doing a Thursday Diary so much. I can write about what is bothering me, and once I do, I feel much better for it. Mind you, the tradeoff is that most of you reading this probably consider me a computer nerd who got “pwned” by gamers who were more hard core than I...but if that's the worst thing that is said about me, I can deal. I have a thick skin after all.



Now...if I can only break my addiction to “Candy Crush”...