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Monday, August 18, 2014

17 School Screw-Ups

Okay, for this edition of FUNNY MONDAY, we'll be going back to school.

Some places in the world begin school in August, while other schools don't open until September.  But one thing is for sure.  If you're at least between the ages of four and seventeen, you're likely preparing to go back to school where your days will be filled with sports events, school clubs, and cafeteria food.  I know.  Sounds like a dream come true, huh?

Of course, not all your school days were happy and carefree.  Unless you went to school in Beverly Hills, you were provided to do a whole lot of work to prove that you understood the material that your teachers were cramming into your heads.  This meant that you had to write a lot of essays, put together a lot of projects, do a lot of homework, and write a lot of midterms and final exams.

Believe me, I had my share of tests and exams and homework assignments over the years.  Most of the time I did very well...but there were a couple of tests that I remember bombing.  When I was little, I couldn't understand the concept of multiplying 2-digit numbers by 2-digit numbers.  I didn't know you had to add an extra zero to the second round of multiplying.  Only I could have 24 times 24 equaling 144. 

The answer, of course, is 576.  And, no...I didn't use a calculator either.  I eventually learned how to do it.

I also remember one instance in which I forgot to read a book for English class, and I had a pop quiz on it.  Needless to say, I ended up failing that quiz.  Fortunately, it was the only one I remember failing in high school.

Thing is that sometimes that happens.  Sometimes you don't know the answer.  But you also feel terrible for leaving the test paper blank, so often you make up an answer, hoping that it is correct, but usually ends up not.

Of course, this sometimes can lead to some unintentional (or intentional) moments of hilarity.

I scourged the Internet to find seventeen of the funniest test answers ever given by real students.  And, as always, I want to give credit to
Bored Panda, Caveman Circus, Smosh.com, Everything Funny, and Distractify for the photos displayed here.

So, let's get started!



I'm sure that this teacher didn't quite realize just how ambiguous this question could be, but kudos to this kid for stating the simplest, yet most obvious answer.



Okay.  I have a confession to make.  Algebra is NOT my subject at all.  If I was forced to find "X", I'd attempt to go the easy way out too.



Okay, to be fair, this little kid probably didn't know how to spell the word "duck", so he or she tried to use different combinations of letters until they found one that worked.  This is the unfortunate result.  It kind of reminds me of the one time I was on a discussion forum where this user was trying to tell us all about the rubber duck party she threw for a three year old.

Yeah, whoever decided to put the d and f keys next to each other on a standard QWERTY keyboard had a sick sense of humour...



To be fair, this quiz was probably written in 1991, when "Emotions" was first released...



I think that this student should have gotten partial credit for thinking outside the...microscope.



Warren is a little bit pessimistic.  After all, more and more people are reaching 100 years of age or more.



Hey!  How did the get that high school survey that I wrote back in 1997? 



Well...I suppose if you've ever tried sweetbreads and liked them, this would be a factual statement.



Clearly, this test was written by someone who will likely never ever get a date with another woman again...



Test-taking lesson #283.  Never, ever listen to Top 40 radio before you take a test on the solar system.



Sadly, I know many people like Frankie in this world.  And sadly, they seem to have a better quality of life than I do.  No, I'm not bitter.  Thanks for asking.



Well, I mean, technically "ice" is about as hard as you can get water.  S/He's not wrong.



So, what the teacher is saying is that Judy failed Lesson #3?



This teacher can only be summarized with just one word.  AWESOME!



They do say a picture is worth a thousand words.  And, judging by the teacher's reaction, this picture might be worth a thousand days in detention.



This student would have gotten extra credit had they detailed a plan for what Lincoln should have done that fateful day in April 1865.



Again, straight and to the point.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Have To Believe We Are Magic...

Welcome to another "magical" edition of the Sunday Jukebox!  I hope you're having a great weekend so far! 

Now, I suppose you're probably wondering why I've put the word "magical" in quotation marks.  Well, there is a very good reason for that.  You see, today's song happens to be magic themed.

And, no, before you begin guessing, the song for today is not Steve Miller's "Abracadabra", Candi's "Under Your Spell", or the Hocus Pocus Alamagocus song from "Today's Special".  But it does have a little bit of magic, a little bit of beauty, and is synonymous with one of the biggest box office bombs of the 1980s.

(Hey...I postponed the scheduled movie post this week by four days.  I figure that people won't mind too much if I inserted a movie reference in this piece for today.)

So, what should I do first?  Should I post the music video and talk about the song first, or should I talk about the movie which will end off with the song?

Ah, screw it.  Let's post the song first.  It'll provide some mood music as you read on.

Unlike the film that this song's soundtrack comes from, this single managed to top the charts exactly thirty-four years ago this week.  Let's have a listen.



ARTIST: Olivia Newton-John
SONG:  Magic
ALBUM:  Xanadu
DATE RELEASED:  May 23, 1980
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #1 for 4 weeks



Okay, so this song might not be the most successful song that Olivia Newton-John has ever released (her 1981 single "Physical" lasted twice as long at the top of the charts).  But you know, "Magic" is one of those songs that instantly puts you in a good mood whenever you listen to it.  At least, that was the case for me.

Listeners seemed to agree with me at the time.  This single hit #1 in the United States and Canada, reached #4 in Australia (the country in which Olivia Newton-John grew up in), and #32 in the UK (the place where Newton-John was born).  It was considered the third most successful single of 1980 right behind Blondie's "Call Me" and Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall, Part II". 

And I can see why the song would touch a lot of people.  The lyrics can be interpreted as a love song between woman and man (or man and man, or woman and woman, or whatever coupling you can imagine).  Just listen to the lyrics really closely.  Aren't they absolutely beautiful?  I can only imagine dozens of thousands of lovers dancing together to this song - a song that promotes caring, tenderness, devotion, and pure joy that comes from loving someone so deeply.

May all of us be able to find that love with someone. 

But here's the interesting thing about this song.  The song was incredibly successful.  The movie was not.



And just before I go into the facts, I just want to make one admission.  When it comes to the movie "Xanadu", I don't actually hate the movie.  It's definitely not my all-time favourite movie, but I don't think it was as terrible as people made out to be.



In all honesty, "Xanadu" is probably one of those movies that makes the list of many moviegoers "favourite cult classics".

That said, it's hard not to deny the fact that the film was brutally raked over the coals when it was first released on August 8, 1980.  Initially designed as a roller-disco themed film, producers Lawrence Gordon and Joel Silver, and director Robert Greenwald transformed the twenty-two million dollar budget film into a story of love, fantasy, and...well...magic!  And it ALMOST broke even, making twenty million at the box office.

That's not to say that the cast of the film didn't try to pull it off.  With Olivia Newton-John, Michael Beck, and the legendary Gene Kelly on the payroll, it certainly did have star power.  And the plot, which sees a record album cover designer embarking on a quest to find his muse, and falling in love with a woman who is quite literally out of this world, did seem very interesting and was unlike any other plot that was featured in a film.

But for whatever reason, this film was not greatly received.  In fact, it was this film that inspired the creation of the "Golden Raspberry Awards" - the awards ceremony farce that awarded the absolute worst in film.  It's quite the contrast to the Academy Awards, which celebrate the cream of the crop.

Fortunately, while "Xanadu" was nominated for Worst Picture at the inaugural Golden Raspberry Awards ceremony, it lost to "Can't Stop The Music".  Or, I guess I could say, it won against it?  Depends on your perspective, I guess.

Anyway, since this is the thirty-fourth anniversary of the release of "Xanadu" and the thirty-fourth anniversary of the song hitting the top of the charts, I thought that I would share some trivia about the movie in which "Magic" comes from.  Why not, right?

1 - Since the movie heavily features roller skating, Olympic skater Peggy Fleming helped choreograph some of the skating scenes.

2 - This was the final feature film appearance for Gene Kelly.

3 - Interestingly enough, Olivia Newton-John turned down a role in "Can't Stop The Music" to take the leading lady role in "Xanadu".

4 - John Travolta turned down the role of Sonny - the part eventually went to Michael Beck.

5 - Andy Gibb was also considered for the role of Sonny.

6 - Olivia Newton-John fractured her coccyx while filming the "Suddenly" dance sequence.

7 - Olivia would meet her future husband, Matt Lattanzi, on the set of this film.  They stayed married for eleven years and had a child together, Chloe Lattanzi, before getting divorced.

8 - The script was supposedly written as the movie was filmed.

9 - The Pan Pacific Auditorium was used for the exterior shots of the Xanadu Club.  It was destroyed by fire in 1989.

10 - While the film bombed, the soundtrack of "Xanadu" was extremely popular, peaking at #2 on the Billboard 200.

And, here's one final interesting fact about "Magic", the song that helped make the "Xanadu" soundtrack such a huge success.  In 2011, Australian DJ's Dan Murphy and Steve Peach created an updated modern dance mix of the classic 1980 hit.  Olivia Newton-John recorded all new vocals for the remix, and was sponsored by humanitarian group WACCI.  All proceeds raised from the single were donated to Olivia's charity, the Olivia Newton-John Cancer and Wellness Centre, and the music video attempted to break a world record by casting 350 extras in the video.

Here's the finished product of the remix to conclude this magical Sunday Jukebox entry.



Saturday, August 16, 2014

Why Retail Is Like High School

Hey, guys (and gals)!  I really hate to do this to you, but I'm afraid that I have to make a change to the regular posting schedule for today.

I know that Saturdays are the day in which we're to talk about cinema and film, but due to an extremely tight schedule and a lot of things on the go, I'm postponing the movie night to this coming Wednesday.  Truth be told, I don't have time to watch a movie and write a blog about it, so I thought that I would do a diary entry in place of the movie blog, just for today.  For whatever reason, it's much easier and quicker for me to write a blog when it comes from my heart instead of doing research for a topic. 

Of course, given that this blog is pop culture themed (at least for now), I'll still be doing some research for future entries.

Just not today.

So, what do I want to talk about in this blog entry?

Oh, I have an idea that could be considered fun.  At the same time, I have to be really careful how I word this blog topic.  You see...I don't really want to get in trouble for writing this piece, because as you can tell from the title of the blog, this piece is called "Why Retail Is Like High School". 

Especially since you've probably read my own accounts of my high school experiences, and know that they weren't the most positive experiences in the world.

The first thing I want to do is make a clarification right off the bat before I continue with this blog.  The first thing is that my experiences with retail have (thankfully) not been NEARLY as bad as my experiences in high school.  If I had the choice between working a year in retail and going back to high school for a year, I would choose cash register over chemistry lessons each and every time.

However, one thing I can't help but notice is that there are a lot of similarities between retail work in general, and high school obligations.  Now, again, I want to make another clarification here.  I will be doing this list of things from a generalized perspective.  I'm not saying that all of this stuff takes place at my job, nor am I saying that this sort of stuff went on in high school either.  Some of it has, but not everything.

Again, this is in a generalized sense.  And, this isn't all negative.  I've tried to find some positives in this as well.

Okay.  So, why is working retail similar to high school?



Well, for one, I've used lockers in both places.  Interestingly enough, both of my lockers in both places are gray in colour.  Now, if I had to choose a locker based on size, the high school lockers would win every time, as my high school locker was approximately six times the size of my locker at work.  However, at least my workplace locker hasn't been torched.  I'm fairly sure that people could get fired from their job if they tried.  Plus, the majority of people at my workplace have more maturity in their pinky fingers than most of the people I shared chemistry, algebra, and literature classes with.



Another similarity that comes from both places is lunchroom cliques.  You know how in every single high school in Canada and the United States, there is one table that is designated as the "cool kids" table?  The one where all the most "popular" people in the building all eat at, and how "outsiders" are basically forced to sit on the outside looking in?  Well, I can verify that my high school did have one of those tables.  And, well...to a lesser extent, there's one of those in my workplace as well.  It doesn't usually bother me too much though.  If the chatter gets too much, I drown it out with my iPod anyway.  Of course, one thing I don't like is when the people at said table raid the table that I am sitting at to steal chairs from it so that they can all sit together.  Hey, guys?  I know I like to keep to myself a lot, but you could at least ask permission before just taking chairs, you know?



Next comparison.  In retail and in high school, you're forced to learn math.  And for someone like me who is more into arts than sciences, math is not my best subject.  But, you'd be amazed how many customers have asked me how much items are with sales tax, the environmental tax, and the optional addition of the product protection plan!  And, I got news for you.  I can't do all that math in my head.  I am not a math genius.  I never claimed to be a math genius.  In fact, I don't know why I just don't purchase a miniature calculator to help me out with all that!

That being said...I at least know how to give back change...well, 99.9% of the time, anyway.  I don't believe I've shortchanged anybody yet (knock on wood).

The point is that I did math in high school, and I do math at work.  Another similarity.

Now, this next similarity is one that I will have to word very carefully, but I'll just come out and say it.  In high school, I really enjoyed a lot of my teachers, and I honestly respected the vast majority of them, and would try my best to do well in the class.  After all, if you feel respected by your teachers, you'll tend to respect them back and put forth much better work in the process.  Still, there were a few teachers that I could not stand, and often wondered how they had even gotten a teaching certificate to begin with.  And that's a part of life.  You won't like everyone who you come in contact with.

Coincidentally, most of the people who have served as my direct supervisor over the years have been real salt of the earth people.  Many of them I even have stayed in contact with even after they left the store because I did respect them and loved working with them.  After all, they showed me respect and value, which motivated me into doing a better job.  Some were really good people, and some were tough...but if I did my work, they were pretty cool people to know.

Still, there were a couple of people in the work world whose leadership I questioned, and who I felt used intimidation and bullying to get the job done instead of being more positive.  And, that's also a part of life.  Some people you work with, you won't like.  Fortunately, most of the ones I worked with are not like that at all.

But I suppose that there are some differences between high school and retail.  I get paid for retail.  High school I suffered through for free.  In high school, I was snubbed from every club and sport.  In retail, I'm more accepted into the fold.

Most importantly though.  In high school, I had hardly any friends or connections.  At my job in retail, I have some really good ones.  Ones who I hope will stick with me for a very long time.  

Friday, August 15, 2014

Recess Snack Staples


Sad but true fact.  School is coming and fast.

For some of you reading this, school is just a couple of weeks away.  In my neck of the woods, the first day of the school year is the day after Labour (or Labor) Day, which this year is September 2.

And, can I tell you that I had some really mixed feelings about going back to school?

The shopping part wasn't that bad.  I was probably one of those kids who actually didn't mind shopping for school supplies, or school clothes, or school lunch stuff.  Now, if I had been able to sit in a classroom of one, I probably would have liked school a lot more.  Learning in school = positive.  Forced socialization with sociopathic bullies = huge negative.

But just going back to the whole back to school shopping angle, I've seen a lot of people going into stores to stock up on things for back to school lunches.  I always used to dread the month of August back in the days in which I worked in food, because if we didn't have a substantial supply of Danino yogurt, Cheesestrings, Lunchables, or Milk 2 Go beverages in stock, we would always get yelled at.

(Of course, now I get yelled at if we don't have USB sticks, laptop computers, ink cartridges, or cell phone chargers.  I tell you, you can't win either way.)

But you know, it wasn't that long ago that I was a little kid, choosing the types of foods that I wanted to bring with me for recess snacks (I very rarely stayed for lunch as I lived close enough to the school that I didn't have to). 

Now, before I go on with my blog, I have to clarify a couple of things.  First, I was an elementary school student between 1986 and 1995.  And back in those days, there weren't nearly as many restrictions on school lunches as there seem to be now.  We could bring peanuts and peanut butter into school and not be treated as if we were homegrown terrorists, and these days we wouldn't be branded as bad people if we happened to smuggle in a Twix bar inside of our lunch boxes.

And secondly, I always brought snacks for recess.  Whether or not I got to eat them was a different story altogether.  I was a very gullible child, and I often gave away my treats to kids to get them to play with me at recess, only for them to ignore me minutes later.

Oh well.  Screw them.

But, in the days in which I would actually get to eat my snacks at recess, it was a good day.

And, just what sort of recess treats did I bring with me?  Well, I'll provide a list of some of the best snacks that I remember bringing with me during my elementary school years.  Some are still around today...and some are not.  Do you remember any of these?



1 - MOM'S HOMEMADE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Oh, sure...I could have taken Chips Ahoy in regular, chewy, striped, or rainbow variety.  But no cookie compares to the ones that my mom made.  Hell, she still makes them today.  She provided cookies for the entire Relay for Life team a couple of months ago.  Clearly, no other snack food can compare, so that's why I put it at the top position.



2 - MARS BARS

Of course, being a child with an insatiable sweet tooth, and not being able to have home baked cookies every day, sometimes I had to improvise with a candy bar.  At the time, I was really into Mars Bars.  I know in the United States, these bars are probably better known as Milky Way bars, but there's just something about the combination of chocolate, nougat, and caramel that was incredibly appetizing.  I still enjoy Mars bars today, though I admit that the Reese Peanut Butter Cup has now surpassed it as my favourite.

Other candy bars I snuck into the playground included Caramilk, Dairy Milk, Skor, and the now defunct Rum and Butter bar.  Imagine a nine year old boy eating a Rum and Butter bar today!



3 - APPLES

Okay, just to prove to all of you that I wasn't a junk food junkie throughout school, I did bring pieces of fruit into the schoolyard.  At the time, my favourite was the classic apple.  I never gave apples to the teacher because I would always eat it before I went back into the classroom!

That said, I was very fussy over what kind of apples I would bring to school.  Red delicious is my favourite.  Golden delicious was also tasty.  I also liked the tartness of the Granny Smith.

Spartan apples?  Not so much.  Same deal with McIntosh.  And, I can't stand Cortland apples.  I like my apples to have a distinct crunch to them.

If that makes sense.



4 - SUNKIST FUN FRUITS

I have absolutely no idea if they even still make these anymore, but when I was a kid, I was totally into gummi treats.  Gummi worms, gummi bears, gummi anything.  So when Sunkist started making these little bags of gummi candies shaped like letters, numbers, and animals in delicious flavours like lemon, orange, and raspberry, I was in absolute heaven.  Now, these days, if Sunkist Fun Fruits were still being made, I'd have to eat a whole box of them to feel satisfied.  As a seven year old boy, these were the perfect pick-me-up.



5 - CARTOON CHARACTER JUICE BOXES

In the spirit of the re-imagining of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" film being released last week, I thought I'd post a picture of one of the many juice boxes that I used to drink from as a kid.  This one just happens to be Raphael's flavour (which they spelled incorrectly), but really, I liked them all.  What can I say?  This was a time before bottled water was readily available.  For kids of the 1980s, putting the plastic flexi-straw inside of a cardboard juice container was the best way to stay hydrated. 

Mind you, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" wasn't the only drinkbox that I drank back then.  I also remember there being Snoopy drink boxes as well.  And for whatever reason, I always saw the grape flavoured ones as being the best ones.



6 - PUDDING CUPS

Of course, in order to truly appreciate the pudding cup, one would have to have a spoon to eat the pudding with.  And, frankly, I lost count of how many spoons I lost at school.  I think Mom got so frustrated with me losing spoons that she banned pudding from the list of snacks when I was in grade two. 

But, still...pudding was a great snack.  I just wish that Laura Secord still made it.  Their butterscotch pudding was the absolute best stuff in the world! 

I still love butterscotch pudding the best, but chocolate is a very close second.

So, I shared my list.  What were some of your favourite schoolyard treats?

Thursday, August 14, 2014

No Heart - Stealing Feelings Since 1986

This blog entry is going to be a short one.  I've done this before, where I ask myself the question "can I write a blog entry in less than two hours?" 

This is one of those times.

And usually, in order for me to do a blog entry in just a couple of hours, I'm forced to talk about a subject that I really know both inside and out, to save time.  After all...it's much easier to write a blog when you know your subject inside and out, right?



That said, I have to admit that I'm a little bit embarrassed to admit that today's subject is all about the Care Bears!  Not exactly the most masculine subject that I have dealt with...but it is a subject that I admit that I have a lot of knowledge on.

After all..."The Care Bears Movie" was the very first movie that I ever saw in movie theatres.  Looking back on it now though, that was the same year that "The Goonies", "Teen Wolf", and "Back to the Future" all came out.  Certainly 1985 had its share of cool movies to choose from.  It's just a shame my family insisted that my first movie be G-rated.

But you know what?  I own that fact.  And for what it's worth, "The Care Bears Movie" was very good.  I'd probably watch it today if I had it in my collection.  It certainly was good enough for me to watch the cartoon series produced by Nelvana.  That series ran for three seasons between 1986 and 1989 (or in Matthew years, kindergarten through Grade 2).  It was simply a case of being born at the right time, because Care Bears certainly was catered to my demographic.

And, confession time.  I did own a stuffed Care Bear doll.  I had the green one with the clover Care Bear Stare...his name was Good Luck Bear.  I actually wanted Care Bear Cousin Braveheart Lion, but I think he was sold out at the toy store.  But, Good Luck Bear was my favourite Care BEAR, so it worked out for the best.

But, if the Care Bears only stayed on top of Care-A-Lot sliding down rainbow slides, resting in their cloud beds, and playing with star buddies floating through the sky, it would make a very boring show.  The Care Bears needed an antagonist of some sort.  They needed someone who would come in and cause all sorts of havoc and mischief either in Care-A-Lot, or on the Earth below.  They needed someone who was determined to take all of the caring out of the Care Bears.



Thing is, I can't talk about all of the bad guys.  I can only choose one.  So, which one would be considered the most evil of all?

Well, certainly not Beastly.  The bumbling ball of fluff ends up causing more good than harm.  His zany schemes usually unintentionally help the Care Bears instead of hurt them, and in a few occasions, he's actually found himself on the same side as the Bears.  For someone named Beastly, he certainly isn't very scary.

Professor Cold Heart, Sour Sam and Dark Heart are certainly formidable villains by themselves...but they only made appearances in the movies, or had only one episode appearance.

And, don't even get me started on that shrieking harpy shrew named Shreeky.  Every time that girl let out a huge scream, it hurt my little ears.  I wanted to grab the magic mirror out of her hand and smash it over her head every time she screamed!

No, this enemy of the Care Bears is enough to make even the strongest Care Bear Cousin quiver in fear.  With his dark purple cloak, bright red eyes, and scarlet amulet which could grant him the power to transform into anything he desired, his main mission was to rid the world of all feelings, emotions, and caring in hopes of achieving full control.  Damn, that's cold.

Why, your heart would have to be invisible in order to be that cold and calculating.



Oh, what a coincidence.  This character's name is "No Heart".

Yes, No Heart has been considered the most evil being to ever tangle with the Care Bears.  He lives in a dark purple and black castle that seemingly is perched on top of the biggest, blackest, cumulonimbus cloud that you have ever seen.  Interestingly enough, it never rains in No Heart Land, but you can always hear thunder and see bolts of lightning streak across the sky.

It's certainly a huge contrast to the big white fluffy clouds, rainbows, hearts, and stars that make up the world of Care-A-Lot.

Of course, No Heart has often made uninvited appearances in Care-A-Lot during the show's three-year-run.  Usually he only comes to Care-A-Lot to kidnap and torture the Care Bears and their cousins, or to establish some scheme in order to take infiltrate and destroy Care-A-Lot from the inside out.

Or sometimes, No Heart will cause tension below the clouds and cause the good people of the world to turn bad.  Whether he sends down mist that makes people not care, or manufactures rain clouds that take away all of the feelings that people have, if anyone on Earth is in a bad mood, or feels indifferent, you could count on No Heart being around in some capacity.

But as it is in the Care Bears cartoon, No Heart's schemes usually backfire on him.  Whenever he and Beastly think they have the upper hand, an army of cloud cars from Care-A-Lot come descending down upon No Heart's castle, and with their combined Care Bear Stare power, they have enough energy and caring to defeat No Heart each and every time.

Of course, every time the Care Bears win, No Heart gets angrier, and more hate-filled.  By the time the series was wrapping up, I could swear that No Heart was about ready to have a coronary.  But I suppose that could be contributed to the wonderful voice talent of Chris Wiggins, who voiced No Heart during the entire run of the series.

TRIVIA:  Chris Wiggins also voiced Mysterio in the 1960s Spider-Man cartoon series.  The man's been around a long time and at age 83, he's still going strong!

So, that's all that I have to say about the cartoon series.  However, I do have something that I want to add here.

In life, we deal with a lot of different situations.  Sometimes, we feel as though we're living life as the Care Bears do in Care-A-Lot.  Where people are always smiling and happy, and where people rely on co-operation, teamwork, and appreciation to get the jobs done that are needed to get done.  And, sometimes we find ourselves in situations that are kind of like No Heart's Castle of Gloom.  Where people are either in such a bad mood that they take out their anger and frustration on other people, or even worse than that...when people just simply stop caring about anything and everything.  Trust me, I've been in that situation before where you feel like you're the only one who seems to care, and it's frustrating to see so many people who don't.

But the way I see it, you have a choice.  You can either accept it for what it is, and begin to stop caring yourself, or you can try to fight it by keeping a positive attitude and doing what you can do to spread the joy of caring to others.

I know what side I would want to be on.  And I don't even have a Care Bear Stare to show off!  I do have a wicked scar though.

Yeah...that could be my Care Bear Name. 
Scar Chest Bear.  Has a nice ring to it, huh?

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

The Beast of Burden - Understanding Depression

You know, it's very rare that I find myself directly affected by a celebrity's passing. 

Until recently, I hadn't felt so strongly about a celebrity death since 1997 when Princess Diana was killed in that Parisian tunnel.  A woman who had gone to great lengths to balance the global fascination towards her and the privacy that she wished her family could have despite her being a public figure.  When the news broke about her passing, it floored me.  Not because she was a princess, but because she was human just like everyone else.  She had her struggles, and she tried to do her best to overcome those struggles, just as we all do from day to day. 



Well, today, I'm having a really hard time with the suicide of Robin Williams.  His August 11 death at sixty-three years old was certainly quite shocking, and for someone like myself who grew up watching him perform his zany, quirky, and hilarious comedy in both film and television, it was so hard to hear the news.  Who could forget one of his first roles as Pam Dawber's alien husband on "Mork & Mindy" - a role who played between 1978 and 1982?  Who could forget him shouting out the words "GOOD MORNING VIETNAM"?  He proved that he could do drama as well as comedy with "Dead Poets Society", "Good Will Hunting", and "Patch Adams".  He could even play the role of a calculating psychopath, such as in "One Hour Photo".

But of course, he will be remembered most for his comedy efforts from "Aladdin" to "Mrs. Doubtfire", to "The Birdcage" to "Happy Feet", I can't remember a Robin Williams movie that I didn't like.

Well, okay..."Old Dogs" was pretty bad.  But hey, every film star has to have at least one lemon.

The point is that Robin Williams has been a part of my childhood memories, and his death really hit me hard.

But again...there's more to it than just mourning the loss of a talented and gifted actor. 

It's how he died that really made an impact on me.



You see...unbeknownst to a lot of people, Robin Williams suffered from depression.  And depression is a mental illness that a lot of people struggle with daily.  That's part of the reason why I decided to turn this blog green today.  Green is the official colour that represents mental health awareness.



And believe me, I know all about depression.  Although I haven't been clinically diagnosed as having depression by a medical professional...I have to say that I know I suffer from it.  I mean, I basically spent the entire teenage portion of my life locked away in my room aside from going to school listening to some of the most depressing music of all time.  How is that not a sign of depression?  

And I just want to say this.  Many people don't understand that depression really is a serious mental illness.  Telling somebody to "snap out of it" will make a person more depressed.  Trust me, I know.  If I had a nickle for every time someone told me to get over my sadness (and this includes family members, friends, teachers, and random people on the street), I wouldn't have to worry about working again for the next five years of my life.

Let me describe what depression feels like.  Depression is not wanting to get out of bed in the morning.  Depression is not being able to put on a genuine smile on your face because you're not finding anything to smile about.  Depression is feeling so anxious that you don't want to even speak to people for fear of them not understanding or silently judging you.  Depression is like being trapped inside of a darkened room with no windows to look out of, and a steel door that no key would ever unlock.  That is what depression is.  I know because I have felt those feelings.  Often.  

And here's an interesting fact about depression that I learned while watching the news coverage on Robin Williams' death.  While I don't have any specific statistics to confirm this, a couple of psychologists have stated that people who are highly creative tend to be stricken with depression more often than those who aren't.  Certainly, Robin Williams was one of the most creative people to ever grace the silver screen, and he was one of those rare people who could convey any emotion and have you feel it.  I never would have known from his work that he suffered from the demons of depression.  I certainly never expected him to take his own life because of it.

But then, nobody ever expected John Belushi to do the same.  Or Chris Farley.  Or Marilyn Monroe, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, or any other celebrity who suffered from depression and turned to suicide as a way to end the pain forever.  It just seems like such a drastic solution.  And yet at the same time, I understand why they entertained that option.  After all, I thought about it myself.  The only difference is that I found something to hold on to, and I am still here to tell my story.

And, I think that's really the only way to bring awareness to depression and mental illness.  Talk about it.  Share your story.  Make your voice heard.  Eliminate the negative stigma that comes from mental illness.  Show compassion towards those fighting the battle, don't criticize them.

In fact, I'll be ending this blog entry off with a couple of phone numbers that you can call if you do have thoughts of suicide, or if you are suffering from mental illness, like depression.  It may be too late to help Robin or any of the other celebrities I've named...but maybe this will help so many other people who are struggling.



Take care.



And, one last thing before I go.  I want to take the moment to express my deepest sympathies for the loved ones of actress Lauren Bacall, who passed away yesterday at the age of 89.  She was certainly a beautiful and talented woman whose class and charm radiated on the silver screen, and who will forever be idolized as a world class Hollywood legend.  She will be missed.

IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM MENTAL ILLNESS OF HAVE THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE...

SUICIDE PREVENTION LINE
1-800-273-TALK

KIDS HELP PHONE
1-800-668-6868

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

August 12, 1994

Hello, everyone!  Welcome to another Tuesday Timeline entry, where we go back in time in pop culture history to talk about a particular subject.

This week, we're going to be talking about an interesting topic.  We'll be talking about the anniversary of the anniversary of a particular event that took place years ago. 

I know, I just confused you.  I'm sorry.  Believe me, everything will fall into place very shortly.  But we have got some other business to take care of first, so let's get right on it.

So, what happened on August 12 throughout history?

1624 - The president of Louis XIII of France's royal council is arrested, which left Cardinal Richelieu in the role of the King's principal minister

1687 - Charles of Lorraine defeats the Ottoman Empire in the Battle of Mohacs

1851 - Isaac Singer is granted a patent for his newest invention - the sewing machine

1881 - American director Cecil B. DeMille (d. 1959) is born in Ashfield, Massachusetts

1898 - The Spanish-American War officially ends

1914 - The United Kingdom officially declares war on Austria-Hungary

1944 - Nazi German troops end the week-long Wola massacre, which saw 40,000 people killed in mass executions

1952 - Thirteen prominent Jewish intellectuals are murdered in Moscow on the night that will come to be known as "The Night of the Murdered Poets"

1958 - Photographer Art Kane takes his famous "A Great Day in Harlem" photo

1960 - NASA's first successful communications satellite - Echo 1A - is launched

1964 - Due to the country's Apartheid policies, South Africa is banned from participating in the Olympic Games

1969 - The Battle of the Bogside commences when the Apprentice Boys of Derry march in Derry, Northern Ireland, causing riots and violence

1976 - Between a thousand and 3,500 Palestinians are killed in the Tel al-Zaatar massacre

1981 - IBM releases its very first personal computer

1982 - Actor Henry Fonda passes away at the age of 77

1990 - Sue Hendrickson discovers the most complete skeleton of a Tyrannosaurus Rex to date

1992 - Canada, Mexico, and the United States announce the completion of negotiations for the North American Free Trade Agreement

1994 - Major League Baseball players go on strike, leading to the cancellation of the '94 World Series

2007 - Television and game show legend Merv Griffin dies at the age of 82

2012 - American comic book artist Joe Kubert passes away at age 85

And, the following people are celebrating birthdays today.  Happy birthday to William Goldman, George Hamilton, Dana Ivey, Sam Rosen, Mark Knopfler, Jim Beaver, Sam J. Jones, Ann M. Martin, Bruce Greenwood, Amanda Redman, Roy Hay, Sir Mix-a-Lot, Peter Krause, Michael Ian Black, Yvette Nicole Brown, Rebecca Gayheart, Pete Sampras, Todd Marchant, Casey Affleck, Wednesday 13, Brad Lukowich, Hayley Wickenheiser, Cindy Klassen, Maggie Lawson, Dominique Swain, Justin Gaston, and Torri Webster.

Okay, now comes the fun part.  What date will we go back in time to this week?



Well, let's go back to the same day that the baseball strike began.  August 12, 1994.

Only this blog won't be about the strike.  If memory serves me, I've already wrote a blog entry about the strike.  I can't remember when it was, but you should be able to find it if you use the search bar at the top of the blog.

No, this blog is all about celebration.  A celebration that involved a lot of music, a lot of happiness...and surprisingly enough, a lot of mud.

And this celebration was in fact a celebration of another event that had taken place twenty-five years earlier, in the summer of '69.  Consider it a bit on an anniversary party, so to speak.



Of course, the original event that I am talking about is the famous Woodstock Music & Art Fair, which took place over a four day period in August 1969.  The event was the quintessential celebration of peace, love, and music, as the event attracted dozens of musical artists to Bethel, New York for a concert event unlike any other.  Artists such as Ravi Shankar, Melanie, Joan Baez, Grateful Dead, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Joe Cocker, Jefferson Airplane, Sly and the Family Stone, The Who, and many others lent their talents to the event, and I'm sure that those people who were lucky enough to have attended the festival can vouch that it was certainly a once-in-a-lifetime moment.

I know that I would have loved to have been a part of that culture.  I think Woodstock '69 would have been a fantastic experience.  And those who were either too young to remember 1969, or who were born after 1969 probably wanted to have that same experience too.

And in 1994 - on the 25th anniversary of the iconic festival - they decided to do it again!



Beginning on August 12, 1994, and running until August 14, 1994, Woodstock '94 was the 1990s answer to the original 1969 festival.  It was originally scheduled to be a two-day festival that was to begin on August 13, but the Friday was thrown in extra when the festival organizers realized just how many people would be attending.

Would you like to know how many people attended Woodstock '94?  How about 350,000 people!  That's a lot of people!  Of course, just to put it into perspective, it was estimated that at the peak of Woodstock '69, an estimated 400,000 people were in attendance.  But still, that's quite a lot of people.

And, unlike the original Woodstock festival, Woodstock '94 was actually held not far from Woodstock, New York.  You see, back in 1969, the festival organizers were not given permission to hold the festival near Woodstock, so they had to settle for Rome, New York instead.  But things change over a quarter of a century, and the new owners of the property which denied Woodstock '69 were more than willing to rent it out for Woodstock '94.



Of course, the conditions of Woodstock '94 weren't exactly the most ideal.  For one, the weather was anything but co-operative.  The weekend of August 12-14 had lots of rainy periods, which made the festival incredibly wet and muddy.  It wasn't uncommon to see footage of people at Woodstock '94 covered entirely in mud.  But, hey...it looked like a lot of them were having a lot of fun, so I guess they didn't mind too much.

Oh, and because the crowd that eventually arrived at Woodstock '94 was much larger than expected, it became a logistical and security nightmare to keep things organized and in check.  It became nearly impossible to prevent people from smuggling in alcoholic beverages. 

But, you know...despite all that, I would hazard a guess that the festival was a huge hit.  It successfully blended the warm feelings of the 1960s with the admittedly cynical grunge movement of the 1990s, and it became quite the harmonious event.  And despite the logistical problems, I'd like to think that those people who did attend were glad they did.  It wasn't exactly like Woodstock '69...but it was a nice anniversary tribute.



At least it was a lot better than the farce that was Woodstock '99.

So, I suppose you're wondering what bands played at the event, huh?  Well, I have a full list, and it's colour coded!  The green bands are ones that played exclusively at Woodstock '94.  The ones in orange, are the ones who played at both Woodstock '69 and Woodstock '94!  Have a look!

Friday, August 12, 1994



Blues Traveler
Candlebox



Collective Soul
Jackyl
James
King's X
Live
Orleans



Sheryl Crow
Violent Femmes
3
Del Amitri
Futu Futu
The Goats
Huffamoose
Lunch Meat
The Paul Luke Band
Peacebomb
Rekk
Roguish Armament
Aphex Twin



Deee-Lite
DJ Spooky
Doc Martin
Frankie Bones
Kevin Saunderson
Little Louie Vega
The Orb
Orbital
Scotto
Soul Slinger

Saturday, August 13, 1994

Joe Cocker



Blind Melon
Cypress Hill
Rollins Band



Melissa Etheridge
Crosby, Stills, & Nash featuring John Sebastian



Nine Inch Nails
Metallica
Aerosmith
Nenad Bach
The Cranberries
Zucchero
Yousson N'Dour
The Band featuring Hot Tuna, Bruce Hornsby, Roger McGuinn, Rob Wasserman, and Bob Weir
Primus featuring Jerry Cantwell
 Salt 'N Pepa

Sunday, August 14, 1994

Country Joe McDonald
Sisters of Glory featuring Thelma Houston, CeCe Peniston, Phoebe Snow, Mavis Staples, and Lois Walden
Arrested Development
Allman Brothers Band
Traffic
Spin Doctors
Porno for Pyros



Bob Dylan
Red Hot Chili Peppers



Peter Gabriel
John Sebastian and the J-Band
Gil Scott-Heron



Green Day
Paul Rodgers Rock and Blues Revue
Neville Brothers



Santana
Jimmy Cliff's All-Star Reggae Jam featuring Rita Marley, Eek A Mouse, and Shabba Ranks

And, that's my look back on Woodstock '94, which began twenty years ago today.




But before I end off this longer than normal Tuesday Timeline, I want to pay my respects to the loved ones of actor Robin Williams who died yesterday at the age of 63.  He was a legend in the world of comedy, and he starred in a lot of films that I loved from "Good Morning Vietnam", to "Aladdin", to "Mrs. Doubtfire", to "Good Will Hunting".

Rest in peace, Robin.