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Monday, October 20, 2014

Wacky Packages

Hey, everybody! 

For this week's edition of FUNNY MONDAY, I thought that I would try something new by making the topic of discussion about something old.

Yeah, somewhere in my mind, that made sense.

Anyway, I thought that I would make this entry very short on text and very picture heavy because were going to be discussing a fad that has somehow managed to last forty-seven years and counting.  I know.  I got involved in that fad at some point in my childhood, collecting these kinds of cards.  I may even still have some of them kicking around.



Of course, I'm talking about "Wacky Packages"!

It seems hard to believe that these cards that make disgusting and gross spoofs of everyday household items were first printed by the Topps Company in 1967.  They were originally die-cut cards, similar in size and thickness to a standard baseball card where the images of the product on the cards could be popped out of the card.  By 1973, the company switched to a sticker format, which has become the most common format for the cards.  Between 1967 and 2013, it is estimated that billions of "Wacky Packages" cards have been produced, and believe it or not, at one point they outsold the Topps baseball cards that were also manufactured.  There were even posters, postcards, and even comic books manufactured!

So, for this edition of the blog, I thought it would be fun to talk about some of the funny Wacky Packages that I have found online and from my own personal collection.  For some of these products, you'll recognize them right away, but for others, I'll explain what the original product is.

Let's put it this way.  You won't be finding these products in supermarkets any time soon.  There's twenty-seven in all.



1.  RATZ CRACKERS

You won't find this spoof of Ritz Crackers on the shelf at your grocery store.  You also may have a difficult time finding this card in the first place.  It was one of the original 44 cards released in 1967 that was pulled from production shortly after, making this card a rarity.



2.  CRACKED ANIMALS

Same deal with this animal crackers spoof.   This card is also a rare one to find.



3.  KOOK-AID

Obviously, this is meant to be a spin on Kool-Aid.  But I wonder what flavour it is.  Looks like grimacing grape to me.



4.  JELLY BULLY

I'm not a fan of most of the more exotic Jelly Belly flavours, but not even a jellybean deserves this much abuse!  I bet the Jelly Bully is rotten key lime flavour.



5.  SKIP-IT PEANUT BUTTER

What could be worse than not being able to rip the lip off of a peanut butter container?



6.  JIP PEANUT SHELLS

Well, I think we have our winner.



7.  DUMBSTICK ICE CREAM

I suppose that putting it on your head would be a quick way to freeze your brain.



8.  HOPELESS SNOWBALLS

Actually, these would be handy to sell in June, July, and August.  And for those of you who don't know what these are, they were a snack cake that Hostess manufactured.



9.  IVERY SNOW

Speaking of snow...the mother might want to get her clothes out of the dryer so that her child doesn't...you know...die.



10.  SMOOCHER'S STICKY JAM

Obviously a spoof of Smucker's jam products.  The secret ingredient is crazy glue.



11.  KENTUCKY FRIED FINGERS

Well, I suppose this negates the "finger lickin' good" slogan that KFC has used for years.



12.  SCARY LEE SCREAMBERRY CREEP CHEESE CAKE

Ah, the perfect dessert for Halloween.



13.  UM & UM's

Well...as a four year old, I would have liked them.  Truth be told, if there was a way that I could have made M&M's melt in my hand, I'd have found it at that age.



14.  CRUST TOOTHPASTE

Forget the garlic flavour.  The name itself is revolting.



15.  DR. POPPER

Momma had a soda and her head popped off.



16.  ORDINARY K

Actually, I always have said that Special K tasted like cardboard.  I think this name could work for the real thing too.



17.  CRAKOLA CRAYONS

Well...I suppose you could get the same effect by jumping on top of a Crayola 64-count box.



18.  RICE-A-PHONI

The San Francisco treat that keeps on giving...



19.  HOGGIN' DOGZ

I suppose that featuring a scary looking dog on the package would deter you from purchasing it.



20.  CLAMMY SOAP

I assume that this is based off of Camay soap.  But, if the soap smells like clam chowder, can it really claim to keep you clean?



21.  SWEATHARD SOAP

I actually had to look this one up to find out what the original product this card was based on.  It's a brand of soap called Sweetheart Soap (don't worry...I haven't heard of it either).  Needless to say, this version of the soap will keep your sweetheart far, far away!



22.  HAWAIIAN LUNCH

The rotisserie is controlled by the guy that Punchy kept punching.  I knew he'd get his revenge one day.



23.  GRAVESTONES UNCHEWABLE VITAMINS

Ah, another product suitable for Halloween.



24.  CRAM

As if Spam was hard enough to choke down...



25.  BARFIE:  MY SCREAM

The predecessor of the Monster High doll.



26.  OLD SUPER MARIO MOTHERS

Who knew that Wacky Packages manufactured video game cards too?



27.  GRAND THEFT AUDIO - NICE DITTY

What might have happened had Grand Theft Auto debuted during the Napster era.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Disco Duck

Hi, everyone!  Are you read for another SUNDAY JUKEBOX entry?  I hope you are.

Now, you might be wondering why I've chosen the colour pink to use for the highlight text this week.  Well, pink happens to be the colour that represents breast cancer awareness, and since October is breast cancer awareness month, I thought that I would show my support towards this and other cancers.  Maybe one day, we will find a way to eliminate all cancer from this world.  It's certainly a dream that many of us are wanting.

In the meantime, how about we bring out another #1 smash single from the past?

Now, I have to admit that finding scary, spooky Halloween songs for this blog has not been an easy task.  Many of the Halloween songs I know never even charted, let alone hit the top of the charts, and those that have, I've either reviewed before, or hit the top of the charts in a month other than October. 

So, I decided for this month that I would go with novelty songs.  After all, they could be played during Halloween parties, and they very well could have inspired several Halloween costumes as well for all I know.

Well, before we get to today's novelty song - that somehow made it to the top of the Billboard charts - I want to tell you a story about my childhood, if you're interested.

Now, it's no secret that when I used to work on my homework on weekends, I would always have the radio on.  After all, I am definitely not the type of person who can really concentrate on work in absolute silence.  Many people are, and good for you if you do.  I have to have some background noise or else I'm completely lost.  As I type this entry right now, I'm watching television.

Well, okay, I'm not EXACTLY watching television.  I just have it on because I can't stand complete peace and quiet.  Besides, it's Sunday morning anyway.  Nothing's on television except religious programming, infomercials, and that omnibus of "Coronation Street" that airs on CBC.

Anyway, on with the story.

I always liked to do my homework on weekends because that was the time in which they did those Top 40 countdowns.  And back in the 1990s, the countdown shows were actually worth listening to.

Of course, I had my favourite countdown show.  I always liked "American Top 40" with Casey Kasem at the helm, as well as when he did "Casey's Top 40" in the 1990s after he left "AT40" in the late 1980s.  I still can't believe that it's only been a few months since his passing.

But of course, there was a time in which I couldn't listen to Casey Kasem.  There was a period between 1991 and 1995 which I call the "non-Casey" years.  At that point in time, Shadoe Stevens had taken over AT40, and none of the radio stations in my neck of the woods had syndicated Casey's Top 40.  So, I had to find another countdown show to listen to during those four years.



Thank goodness for Rick Dees.

Yes, in the early 1990s, "Rick Dees and the Weekly Top 40" was my go to radio show on weekends.  And to be honest, it was a fairly decent show.  He often inserted song parodies in his show every so often (which as you may well know, I dig a good parody every now and again), and his show certainly offered up a lot of wacky humour.  But he also knew a lot about music, and he did have some rather awesome contest giveaways back in the day.

His show has been on radio since 1983, and at the age of sixty-four, I don't see Rick Dees slowing down any time soon.  It's been a while since I tuned into one of his countdown shows (mainly because my appetite for current pop music started to sour circa 2002), but I should probably tune in once more for old times sake.  Bring back some old memories.  Actually, if you go on his website www.rick.com, you can listen to his radio show online.

But I should also note while Rick Dees has been in the radio business for a long time, he also worked as a television talk-show host (though that endeavour barely lasted one year), and he also had a brief career as a recording artist.

In fact, he had the #1 song in America thirty-eight years ago this week.  And, well...I'm just going to just post it below.  Believe me, we're going to have a lot to say about this one.



ARTIST:  Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots
SONG:  Disco Duck
ALBUM:  The Original Disco Duck
DATE RELEASED:  September 4, 1976
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #1 for 1 week

Um...wow.  It's like Huey, Dewey, and Louie from DuckTales all got together and released a song!  And, the fact that it went to the top of the charts could be partly because of the fact that 1976 was a year in which disco dominated the music scene.  Try releasing this single in 2014 and see if it goes anywhere!



The song itself was written by Dees himself and he was inspired to come up with the song after hearing another novelty song from the 1960s entitled "The Duck".  It only took Dees one day to pen the lyrics to the song and come up with a basic melody for the single, but as far as recording the song went, it took much longer for him to get enough musicians together to record the single.

Apparently nobody wanted to have their name and talent attached to a song about a disco dancer that quacked.

Nevertheless, once a team of people were assembled, the song was recorded and released in early September of 1976.  As far as the meaning of the song goes...well...there isn't much of one.  A guy goes to a discotheque and suddenly gets the urge to dance like a duck.  He then inspires everyone else in the club to dance like a duck as well.  Before you know it, you have an entire flock of duck dancers flapping their arms in the air as if they were wings.

Now, before I go ahead with further discussion about this song, I should probably clear up one major misconception.

The duck voices that you hear during the chorus of "Disco Duck" were not performed by Dees himself.  They also weren't performed by Clarence Nash, who provided the voice of Donald Duck for Disney cartoons before his death in 1985.  And, the duck voices also weren't performed by current Donald Duck voice artist Tony Anselmo.  He was only sixteen when the song was released.

No, in all actuality, the duck voices came courtesy of Rick Dees' acquaintance Ken Pruitt.  During live performances of the song, the duck voices were then provided by Michael Chesney, another acquaintance of Dees.

And yes, I know what you're thinking.  They actually performed this live?

Now, "Disco Duck" wasn't without its share of controversy.  Did you know that this song actually got Dees fired from a job?  It's true.

While Dees recorded "Disco Duck", he was working as a disc jockey in Memphis, Tennessee, and while the song was topping the charts all over the nation, in the state of Tennessee, the song was largely ignored (especially in Memphis), and rarely received any airplay on radio stations in the Memphis area. 

Now, it wasn't because of the fact that Tennessee was one of those states that focused more on country music stations that caused "Disco Duck" to be left off of playlists at many major Memphis stations.  It was the fact that because Dees worked at a Memphis radio station, the station he worked at felt that it would be a conflict of interest if they played the song.  And rival stations wouldn't play the record either because if they did, they would essentially be promoting a disc jockey from a rival radio station.  It was a no-win situation for Dees.

And Dees found out the hard way that even so much as talking about "Disco Duck" on his radio program had hard consequences.  He mentioned the song title during his morning show, and because he did, his boss terminated him on the spot, citing conflict of interest!  Fortunately, Rick Dees found employment at another radio station, and all was right in the world.  I have to wonder if that radio station began to start playing "Disco Duck" in retaliation against the station that let Dees get away.

"Disco Duck" even made an appearance in the film "Saturday Night Fever", but because of Dees' manager at the time of the film's release denying the record company that put out the soundtrack for "Saturday Night Fever" to include the single on the soundtrack, it cost Dees in a big way.  You see, "Saturday Night Fever" became the second best-selling soundtrack of all time, selling approximately 40 million copies and counting.  Had "Disco Duck" been included on the soundtrack, Dees would still be raking in royalty payments today.


Though, given how successful Dees has gotten over the last thirty-eight years, I don't think he's crying too much about it.  After all, he's probably the only man in the world who could write a song about a disco dancer who thinks he's a duck and make it a chart-topper!

Saturday, October 18, 2014

The Poltergeist Curse - Does It Exist?

I can't believe that it's the weekend already.  Boy, does time fly when you're having fun.

And, that's what I hope to bring to this blog each and every day.  I usually try to make this blog as fun as possible, and I definitely make it a mission to stay mostly positive.  There's so much negativity on the Internet that I want to try and brighten it up a little bit.  If I can make that happen with "A POP CULTURE ADDICT'S GUIDE TO LIFE" with just a few people, then I'm happy. 

That being said, with today's SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE MOVIES POST, we're going to be continuing our month of spookiness by featuring movies of increasing intensity.  And for today's feature presentation, I thought that I would choose a movie that for its time period was quite scary.  But even more frightening is the fact that many people consider this film series to be cursed.

Would you believe that over the last thirty-two years, four people who worked on this trilogy have died?  Four lives taken way too soon.  Four souls stolen away because of tragic and sudden circumstances. 

Have I got you shaking in your shoes yet?

Now, in this particular film, I will be focusing only on the first part of the trilogy, but I will be briefly mentioning the other two films as well.  After all, some people find the story of the four cast members dying after appearing in this series of films to be much more fascinating than the actual trilogy itself.



So, sit back, grab a snack, and maybe take your television set and throw it out of a window because this is the day we are going to be discussing the movie "Poltergeist".

Now, I imagine that most of you probably know what a poltergeist is, but in case you aren't sure, I'll give you a brief definition.  A poltergeist (German for "noisy ghost") is a spirit that can cause a lot of havoc in a household or business.  Poltergeists are invisible spirits that can cause objects to levitate, bend, shift, short-circuit, or spontaneously combust with no warning whatsoever.  I know it might sound like something that I have made up, but all over the world, people have reportedly abandoned homes that they believe are haunted by a poltergeist.  Now, how poltergeists get inside houses can differ.  Some may be haunting the place that they called home when they were still alive and may just be protecting their turf, while in other cases, they move into places of their own free will to have some fun with the living.

That is if you believe in ghosts, and poltergeists, and spirits.

Well, on June 4, 1982, the world was introduced to the most famous fictional poltergeist ever shown on the silver screen.  That was the day in which "Poltergeist" debuted at the box office.  And I must say that "Poltergeist" did quite well in theatres, making almost twelve times its nearly eleven million dollar budget.  Of course, when you have a huge name like Steven Spielberg serving as the film's producer, it's hard not to imagine it being a box office success.

The Tobe Hooper directed film starred Craig T. Nelson and JoBeth Williams as Steven and Diane Freeling, who have the life that many of us absolutely dream of having.  Living underneath the California sun in the planned community of Cuesta Verde, Steven makes a living as a real estate developer while Diane stays at home raising her three children, Dana (Dominique Dunne), Robbie (Oliver Robins), and Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke).  Why, nothing could ever shatter the idyllic suburban dream that the Freeling family seemed to be living each day.

Well, that is until Carol Anne decided to watch static on television one spooky evening.

You see, back in the olden days of the early 1980s, not every household had cable television.  And even if they did have cable television, many channels didn't run 24/7 as they do now.  So at some point during the early morning hours (usually around two in the morning), broadcasting would cease.  And after the national anthem played, you'd either get the static picture, or you would get the test pattern signal (you know, the design with all the multicoloured bars).  Now, why Carol Anne was up at two o'clock in the morning, I couldn't tell you.  Maybe she had to go to the bathroom.  Maybe she couldn't sleep.  Maybe she was hungry and wanted to check and see if there was still some Count Chocula cereal left over from the previous morning's breakfast.  All I know is that when Carol Anne decided to watch static on television, crazy things began happening.

Somehow, Carol Anne's gazing into the television screen causes a spiritual apparition to blast through the screen, disappear into the wall, and causes the whole house to shake.  And, then Carol Anne makes the frightening announcement...



Yeah.  That still creeps me out even today!

So things begin happening around the Freeling house.  Minor things like glassware breaking, silverware bending, and furniture doing the do-si-do around the living room.  And then things intensify when a tree in the Freeling backyard tries to make a snack out of Robbie, and Carol Anne is abducted from her hiding spot in the closet and is sucked into another dimension.  Later investigation reveals that the Freeling house is built on a sacred burial ground, and a medium, Tangina Barrons (Zelda Rubinstein) is brought in to exorcise the poltergeists and to save Carol Anne from the poltergeist's clutches.

At any rate, I would definitely check out this movie.  It's very creepy, and I was quite frightened by it when I first watched it as a kid.  I was especially creeped out in hearing that the crew used real skeletons in the swimming pool scene, according to JoBeth Williams, as I'm sure a lot of other people were.  It was alleged that real skeletons were used because it was cheaper to buy real skeletons than plastic ones (which leads me to wonder how one buys a real skeleton), but some wonder if that decision was what lead to...

...THE CURSE OF POLTERGEIST!!!

Yes, since the original "Poltergeist" debuted, two of the main cast members have met their maker.  Two more people associated with the "Poltergeist" sequels also met their end.  And while all four deaths were attributed to different causes, they all had one thing in common.  They all died way too soon. 



Perhaps the first victim of the so-called "Poltergeist" curse was Dominique Dunne, who played the Freeling's eldest daughter Dana in the first film.  By all accounts, Dominique should have had a really long career ahead of her.  Between 1979 and 1982, she had worked on several television series, and critics responded well to her performance in "Poltergeist", which was her very first role in a motion picture.  Sadly, it would end up being her last.

You see, Dominique's downfall came at the hands of the man she was seeing.  Her relationship with John Thomas Sweeney had always been stormy.  There were at least two separate instances in which he had inflicted physical abuse on Dunne before the couple split up.  On October 30, 1982, she was rehearsing for a role that she had just taken on (the 1983 miniseries "V") with one of her co-stars, David Packer when Sweeney showed up at her house unannounced.  Dunne stepped outside of the house to talk to him, and it was there that Sweeney attacked Dunne and strangled her to the point of unconsciousness.  Dunne was immediately taken to hospital, but there was nothing that doctors could do to revive her.  She passed away five days later on November 4, 1982 - just a few days before her twenty-third birthday.

John Thomas Sweeney was sentenced to seven years in jail for assault and manslaughter.  Many close to the case believe that Sweeney got off easy, and as far as I'm concerned, they aren't wrong.



The next victim of the "curse" was actor Julian Beck.  Although he didn't appear in the first film at all, he did take on the role of Henry Kane in the 1986 sequel "Poltergeist II:  The Other Side".  He accepted the role in 1983, and he filmed his scenes as planned.  But what people didn't know until later was that he was a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.  You see, Beck had been diagnosed with stomach cancer prior to accepting the role.  Sadly, he did not live long enough to see his performance on the screen.  He passed away in September 1985 at the age of 60 - eight months before "Poltergeist II: The Other Side" was released in theatres.



Another casualty of the "Poltergeist" series also starred in "Poltergeist II:  The Other Side" was Will Sampson.  You might recall that he played the role of Taylor, the medicine man.  Sampson, unlike Beck, was alive when the second movie of the trilogy debuted in May 1986.  But like Beck, Sampson was a ticking time bomb.  He had underwent a lung and heart transplant at some point after "Poltergeist II" wrapped up in an effort to prolong his life, but he died of post-operative kidney failure on June 3, 1987 at just 53 years of age.

How interesting that he died one day shy of the fifth anniversary of "Poltergeist" being released.



Sadly the final death is probably the cruelest twist of fate, as she was still a child when she passed on.  You might recall that Heather O'Rourke was just six years old when she starred in the original "Poltergeist" series.  In fact, Heather was one of two actors who appeared in all three films (the other one was Zelda Rubenstein).  But sadly, Heather's fate was sealed while she was filming the third installment of the movie.

In 1987, Heather began feeling sick and was initially diagnosed by doctors as having Crohn's Disease (an inflammatory bowel disease), and she was given a prescription of cortisone to treat it.  The treatment appeared to work, as Heather managed to finish filming her scenes for "Poltergeist III", although one side effect was that Heather's cheeks became large and puffy.

But on January 31, 1988, Heather became violently ill, being unable to keep any food or drink down, and her parents made the decision to take her to the hospital the following morning to see if there was anything that could be done.  By that point though, it was too late.  The next day, February 1, 1988, Heather collapsed and was rushed to the hospital, but she passed away later that day at the tender age of 12.  The cause of death was cardiac arrest caused by septic shock brought on by a bowel obstruction.

The O'Rourke family later sued Kaiser Foundation Hospital in San Diego, California claiming that had Heather not been misdiagnosed, her life could have been spared.  The lawsuit was eventually settled out of court. 

So, what do you think?  Is there a "Poltergeist" curse, or is it merely just a series of coincidental deaths?

Friday, October 17, 2014

Pumpkins!

I can't believe that we're already past the halfway point in October.  This month seems to have been flying by at a quick rate, hasn't it?  But then again, I say that about every month, so this is hardly anything new.

But let's talk about the month of October for a minute here.  Now, I don't know where you all hail from in the world, but I can tell you that this has probably been one of the warmest Octobers that I can remember ever experiencing.  A couple of days ago was October 15...and I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt.  And I still felt like I was overdressed.

Granted, I realize for those of you living in Florida, Texas, Arizona, or even some parts of California, this is probably typical weather.  But for me, I feel like we should be smack dab in the middle of autumn - which includes autumn like temperatures.  Nothing like the crisp breeze in the air while your senses are tickled with the scent of freshly fallen leaves.  Fall is definitely my favourite season of the year.  I just hope we don't end up skipping it altogether with an extra long summer combined with an extremely early winter.  Why, that would just break my heart if we skipped fall!

Okay, I admit I'm being overdramatic here.  I just hate humidity.  Especially in a month in which we aren't supposed to have any.

So, why don't I open up discussion by talking about fall foods.  After all, today is Friday, which means it's time for a FOODIE FRIDAY post!  And in the spirit of fall, I thought I would choose a food that is a symbol of autumn.  A prominent gourd that has made its way into the hearts and homes of many good people in this world.  A food item that people line up at places like Starbucks just to have a sample of it added into their caffeinated beverages every October.

It's also a food item that I myself am not a huge fan of.  However, that's not to say that I don't like having them around.  They provide a multitude of different uses.  They could even double as a flashlight if an emergency ever occurred.



Of course, I am talking about the great pumpkin.

No, not the one that Linus stayed up all night long to greet.  I mean an actual pumpkin.

Let's face it.  Aside from apples, pumpkins are the ultimate fall fruit (and yes although pumpkin is a member of the squash family, scientifically speaking, a pumpkin is definitely a fruit).  And October is definitely the month in which the most pumpkins are purchased in any given year.



I suppose one of the reasons why is fairly obvious.  One of the most common uses for pumpkins is carving them out, pulling out the pumpkin guts, and designing spooky faces on the front of the hollowed-out pumpkin to be displayed for Halloween.  Believe me, I have probably massacred quite a few pumpkins for that purpose alone.

I remember when I was still in elementary school, our teachers would bring in pumpkins and the whole class pitched in to help carve a very special pumpkin for our classroom.  One of the few positive memories that I have of first grade is all of us in the class taking turns to reach into the pumpkin to clean out the pumpkin guts inside.  I loved the experience, but some of the other kids in the class found it disgusting.

We of course threw out the orange pumpkin guts - well, not before a couple of kids in the class tried to eat it like they would an orange only to get a rather interesting surprise upon tasting it.  Let's just get it out of the way.  Pumpkins may be orange in colour, but they sure don't taste like an orange!



Now, the seeds on the other hand.  We saved those.  Later on in the day, a group of kids were selected to go to the school's kitchen and bake the pumpkin seeds for us to snack on later in the day.  And, no, I was not a part of that group.  Stupid teacher.

But you know, pumpkin seeds aren't too bad toasted.  Truth is, they're probably the only part of the pumpkin that I can actually stand eating.  Of course, I'd have to salt them first before I eat them.  Mind you, some kids in my class were afraid to eat them because some of the other kids heard stories that if you ate pumpkin seeds, you could grow a pumpkin inside of your stomach.  This of course is not true, but the fact that some people actually believed that was quite funny.

Of course, this discussion leads to all of the different food items that pop up during the month of October that have pumpkin as a key ingredient.  And, I'll be completely honest with you.  Pumpkin is not a favourite of mine.

It's funny though.  Whenever I tell people that I'm not a fan of pumpkin flavoured goodies, they stare at me as if I have three heads or six arms or something like that.  One thing that I've learned is that people who are passionate about pumpkin will defend their stance to anyone who will listen.

The way I see it, they can have my share.



But seriously, just have a look around supermarkets, coffee shops, and fast food outlets and just see the amount of pumpkin flavoured goodies available for purchase.  At Starbucks, you can grab a pumpkin spice latte.  At Tim Hortons, you can purchase pumpkin cookies and donuts.  I'm almost positive that you can find at least one pumpkin pie at every Thanksgiving table across North America. 



And, just to show that I'm not entirely against the pumpkin, I thought I'd end this blog off with a recipe for pumpkin pie, courtesy of Canadian Living magazine.  Just click on the links below, as the recipe is in two parts.


Happy baking, everyone!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

"Seven Little Indians"

Hello, everybody, and welcome to another edition of TUBE TALK THURSDAY!

And for the rest of October, these television discussions are going to be quite frightful in nature!

Seriously, with Halloween coming in a little more than two weeks from now, it's never been a more perfect time to dig into the television archives to showcase some special Halloween programming.  After all, there have been a lot of Halloween themed shows that have aired over the sixty plus years that television has been around.

And I thought to myself, why not do a feature on a Halloween themed television episode for the next few weeks in this blog?  It's a good idea!  It's a great idea!  Besides, I think I already talked about all the Halloween cartoons that I could think of.

And I think that this could be a lot of fun because I have several possible television shows that I can think of to talk about.  Believe it or not, I even found a DVD at work that had thirteen classic Halloween episodes from thirteen different sitcoms in one Halloween collection.

And yes, I did buy it.  It was only $6.97.  A mere impulse purchase.

Still, I was sort of disappointed that one of my favourite Halloween episodes that ever broadcast was left off this DVD collection. 



I'll be honest with you, when I saw that one of the thirteen sitcoms that was featured on the collection was "The Facts of Life", I was really excited because of the possibility that I would see this episode in high definition greatness.

Instead, I found that they had chosen a different episode.  Which was fine, as I did like the "Halloween" episode of "The Facts of Life" as well.  But there was one other one that I liked better.  And it is this episode that I want to discuss in today's blog.

Now, I know it seems hard to believe, but "The Facts of Life" ran for nine seasons between 1979 and 1988.  That makes it the longest running television series of the entire decade known as the 1980s.  If it had gone two more years, it would have been one of the only sitcoms to air brand new episodes in three different decades!  That's how popular it was.

The episode that I want to feature in this blog was one of the episodes in the show's eighth season.  And many people who are fans of the show "The Facts of Life" don't really like the later seasons of the show, because Charlotte Rae left the role of Mrs. Garrett after seven seasons, and Cloris Leachman took over as Mrs. Garrett's sister, Beverly Ann.  Certainly many fans believe the show's "Over Our Heads" seasons to be the point in which the show "jumped the shark".  However, I find that some of the episodes in seasons eight and nine did stand out as being just as good as the original ones. 

After all, the reunion between the Season 1 girls with the rest of the cast that were kept took place in Season 8.  The episode in which Bobby Rydell and Fabian hosted a 1960s throwback happened in Season 8.  The episode in which Natalie lost her virginity happened in Season 9.

Mind you, Season 9 was also the season they brought out that pointless Pippa character.  No disrespect to Sherrie Krenn though.  The character just wasn't needed.

Anyway, back to the episode discussion.

While the episode didn't technically air on Halloween (the actual airdate was January 3, 1987), it was appropriate enough that it could have been a Halloween favourite.  It was based on the song "Ten Little Indians" by Septimus Winner which started off with ten little indians, but by the end only one remained. 



Well, that's where the title of the episode "Seven Little Indians" comes from.  In the show, the six main stars of the show (Blair, Jo, Natalie, Tootie, Beverly Ann, Andy (Mackenzie Astin), and special guest star George Clooney all gather together for what is supposed to be a nice quiet night at their place of residence which happens to be attached to their tacky 80s memorabilia store called "Over Our Heads".  But when each of the gang start dropping dead one by one, everyone realizes that a killer is among them.

But who is the killer?

Well, before we discuss this episode further, why don't I post a link to this episode HERE.  Go on.  I'll give you twenty-three minutes or so to watch it.  We'll resume discussion until you get back.  In the meantime, watch this very scary music video.



Okay, so on with the show.

Did you notice how ridiculously clever this episode was?  It was like they took all of the 1980s horror movie cliches and amped up the parody levels!  I guess that's why I enjoy this episode so much. 

So, what did I like about this episode?  Lots.



SPECIAL GUEST STAR MAURICE LAMARCHE

Believe it or not, there was once a time in which Maurice LaMarche made his living in front of the camera.  You may recognize him now as the voice of The Brain in "Pinky and the Brain" and several other cartoons.  But in this episode, he played the part of the Rod Serling lookalike/soundalike where he roasted marshmallows, ate pastries, and had an obsession with saying the word "Tootie".  But I have to tell you, this man did such a fantastic job with the episode, and you could tell that he was having a blast.  In fact, while I was looking for the episode on YouTube, it looked like LaMarche actually commented on one of the videos where he gave some behind the scenes moments about his experience on the show.  But really, the only juicy secrets he revealed was that the script was heavily cut while filming and that George Clooney was an incredibly nice guy.  Still, that's something.



Tootie.

THE METHODS OF DEATH



Now, when you think of a murder mystery, you're used to seeing the classic weapons being used.  You know, steak knives, guns, candlesticks, ropes, lead pipes...ah, maybe I'm just thinking about the board game "Clue".  But this show certainly got creative with choices of weapons.  And while I'm aware that I'm spoiling the episode for those who haven't seen it...well, I'm not really.  I posted the link to the episode above the David Hasselhoff video, remember?

We'll start with Andy, who was the killer's first victim.  He eventually suffocated by choking on rubber cement glue, but not before slipping on a whole bunch of stuff in a comedic style Rube Goldberg manner.  George was the next victim, hung up in a closet clutching a pink balloon for protection - because everyone knows that a balloon is the best defense against a serial killer.  Natalie was the next to die, getting strangled by a pair of fuzzy dice.  Then Blair was "Dippity-Doo"ed to "death".  Beverly Ann was the next victim, drinking a poisoned drink and having one of the most hilarious death scenes ever.  And finally, Jo croaked after being bludgeoned to death by an...inflatable frog.  Again, you have to hand it to the people who wrote this episode.  The fact that we knew it was a parody made it funnier.

Oh, and the breaking the fourth wall gags with Tootie shushing the background music because she was trying to sneak up on someone?  Priceless.  You see, this is what we children of the '80s had for parody before the "Scary Movie" series debuted.



Tootie.

Of course this leads to the...



SURPRISE ENDING!!!

Now, if you've been counting along with me from the last couple of paragraphs, you would have counted that six of the seven people in the episode are now dead.  That leaves Tootie.  So, you might automatically suspect that Tootie is the killer.  Amusingly enough, even Tootie suspects herself!  But what Tootie doesn't realize is that one of the previous victims isn't really dead.

Yes, the real killer was Blair Warner, and her reason for murdering everyone was simple.  She wanted to rid the world of everyone who fell under the 50% tax bracket. 

Of course, if this show had aired in 2014, she would be killing everyone in the 99% - which would essentially leave fewer people in the world than after "Captain Trips" devastated the world in "The Stand".

But anyway, just before she could stab Tootie with a beach umbrella, Beverly Ann wakes up and realizes that it was all a dream that she had.  Which makes me wonder what exactly was in that cocoa that she was making herself at the beginning of the episode!

Anyway, the episode ends as normally as could be...except for that strange man that suddenly appears at the end.



Tootie.

And, well...that's what you can expect over the next couple of weeks.  I'll be choosing a Halloween themed episode for discussion, and we'll be watching it (if I can find it online), and then we'll be talking about it.  Think of it as like a book club, only with videos.

Until next week, everyone!




Tootie.