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Wednesday, December 10, 2014

My (Sort-of) Grown-Up Christmas List



Greetings and salutations!  Welcome to the tenth day of THE POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR!  And for the tenth day of the calendar, I thought that I would use this "WHO AM I WEDNESDAY" entry to write my Christmas list.

My (sort of) grown-up Christmas list, that is.

Before I go into the actual blog post for today, I want to give you a little background behind the creation of this song.

I was quite amazed to learn that the song was originally recorded and released back in 1990.  For some reason, I had believed that the song was as old as "Frosty the Snowman" or "White Christmas".

The original version of this song was penned by composer David Foster and songwriter Linda Thompson-Jenner, and was made specifically for Foster's album, "River of Love", in which he performed the song with Natalie Cole.  The single was released in time for the 1990 holiday season, but it did not chart, nor did it make much of an impact in the world of music.

Fast forward two years later, and the song would be given a new lease on life, courtesy of contemporary Christian singer Amy Grant.



Following off of the success of her 1991 album "Heart In Motion", Grant decided to release the holiday album "Home For Christmas" in time for Christmas 1992 (her third holiday album overall).  "Grown-Up Christmas List" was one of the singles that Amy had chosen to record. 

However, the version that Amy recorded was not quite the same as the one recorded by Foster and Cole.  She changed a couple of the lyrics around, and added an extra verse to the song.  Whatever changes she made to the song seemed to work.  Soon after the album's release in October 1992, Amy's version of "Grown-Up Christmas List" became extremely popular - even more so than the version recorded back in 1990.  The song certainly helped the album reach the top spot on the Top Contemporary Christian album charts for almost two months.

(Ironically, the album first hit number one on December 26, 1992 - the day after Christmas.)

Here.  I'll post a video of Amy's song below.  It'll put me in the mood for my own (sort-of) Grown-Up Christmas List.



December 10, 2014

Well, here we are.  I am about to type out my own version of my own Grown-Up Christmas List.  And, well, aside from a couple of things I want that may make me seem like an unapologetic grown child, I think that this list is quite poignant.

After all, the items requested in the song "Grown-Up Christmas List" are not material things, but wishful things.  Hopes and dreams for all humanity.  Peace and goodwill to all.  Isn't that what we all want for this and every Christmas to come?  I know it's something that I would love.

It's so easy to forget that Christmas is supposed to be a time of peace and happiness...especially with the way that the holidays sometimes bring out the absolute worst in all of us.  But, somehow, I think it all works out for all of us in the end.

Okay, so let's get the silly stuff out of the way first.



SILLY REQUEST #1 - For some reason, I really would love to have a Crayola Marker Maker.  This is no joke here, people.  As someone who admittedly has a mild art supply addiction, the very idea of being able to make my own markers brings me so much excitement!  Then again, that could be the fact that my favourite activity in kindergarten was mixing different colours of paint at the paint station. 



SILLY REQUEST #2 - I've recently become addicted to the television series "Bones".  Problem is, I was a late watcher (I started around Season 8).  Thanks to cheap DVD's and Netflix, I've caught up to season 5.  That said, I still need to watch 6, 7, and the first half of season 8.  So, my second request is the last half of "Bones" up to season 9 (as we know, season 10 is currently airing). 

Added note:  It's really depressing seeing Dr. Sweets in the early seasons, knowing what happens to him in Season 10.

SILLY REQUEST #3:  To send my neighbours a one-way ticket to Russia.  Even after I move.

See what I mean?  Silly stuff.  Materialistic stuff that I really don't need, but want.  Oh well...at least I didn't ask for an Aston Martin or anything like that.

But now that the silly stuff is out of the way, I'm going to shift this list into serious mode.  These are the grown-up things that I have on my own Christmas list this year.



GROWN-UP ITEM #1:  I would like to have a spot all to myself where I can be free to be myself.  Looking around at things now, I don't really have that safe zone where I can truly let my hair (thinning hair, but hair mind you) down.  It doesn't even have to be a fancy place, or even a place that has matching doorknobs.  Hell, I'd even settle for a place done up in neon orange and hot pink (though remind me to bring sunglasses if that really is the case).  I just want somewhere where I can zone out.  Meditate.  Be at peace with myself.  Even if it happens to be within my own brain for now.  It's not an unreasonable request, is it?



GROWN-UP ITEM #2:  This one was inspired by a comment that someone made to me at work, and the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I could start up a little side business.  I did up Christmas cards for my workplace family, and I wrote fancy lettering on the envelopes and inside the cards.

NOTE:  I had a fascination with duplicating fonts when I was younger, and learned how to mimic several of them, and I own a calligraphy set that a friend from the States sent me that I practice with as well.)

Anyway, one of my co-workers told me that if I painted every single word in the world on her bedroom walls, she would consider paying me for it!  At first, I took it as a joke, and then a compliment...and then I thought...could there be a liable side business in calligraphy?

It's just something I am mulling over...but for my second request, I'd like to know if it could be possible.  I would have to study up on business though.

GROWN-UP ITEM #3:  This is the big one.  I want to be able to see myself the way that other people see me.  Well, okay, not the people who hate me, use me, or treat me like dirt.  I mean, the people who have always stuck by me no matter what.  There's more of them than I ever thought there were, and many of them seem to believe in me.  I suppose I owe it to myself to listen to them.  They can see the good in me, so I really want to be able to see that good in me too.  Lately, I have been struggling with that, and I don't want to have that struggle any more.  It will take time (and potentially some outside help), but I'll get there.

And, lastly...

I want all of you to have a safe, happy, and joyful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and any other holiday that you celebrate in December.  After all, people who have happiness in their hearts are the greatest and luckiest people in the world.

That's my grown-up Christmas list.

Day #11 is next.  It'll feature some sort of television special.  What that is...I haven't decided yet.  Stay tuned.

Tuesday, December 09, 2014

December 9, 1965



And so arrives Day #9 of THE POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR.  And with the arrival of said ninth day comes the TUESDAY TIMELINE portion of the week.

And, as always, I tried to come up with a topic that was relevant to Christmas and holidays and all that fun stuff. 

Here's the catch though.  I found the absolute perfect subject to talk about on this date.  The problem is...I already did a blog on it back in 2011.  And no other event that took place on December 9 was as Christmas oriented at this particular one!  I certainly can't do two blog entries on the same exact subject...

...or, CAN I?

Hmmm...maybe there is a way that I can make this work after all.  In the meantime, why not enjoy the list of other things that took place on December 9.

1793 - New York City's first daily newspaper - The American Minerva - is established

1851 - The first YMCA in North America is established in the city of Montreal

1872 - P.B.S. Pinchback of Louisiana becomes the first African-American governor of a U.S. State

1875 - The Massachusetts Rifle Association is founded

1905 - The law separating church and state is established in France

1914 - "Days of our Lives" actress Frances Reid (d. 2010) is born in Wichita Falls, Kansas

1932 - Talk show host Morton Downey Jr. (d. 2001) is born in Los Angeles, California

1935 - Jay Berwanger is the first recipient of the Downtown Athletic Club Trophy - which would later come to be known as the Heisman Trophy

1941 - The Republic of China, Cuba, The Philippine Commonweath, and Guatemala all declare war against Japan and Germany as World War II continues

1950 - Harry Gold is sentenced to thirty years behind bars for aiding Klaus Fuchs pass information about the "Manhattan Project" to the Soviet Union

1960 - The British drama "Coronation Street" airs its first episode - as of 2014, it is currently the longest running drama series still on the air

1962 - The Petrified Forest National Park is established in Arizona

1968 - Douglas Engelbart debuts hypertext, the computer mouse, and the bit-mapped graphical user interface using the oN-Line System (NLS)

1979 - The eradication of the smallpox virus is certified

1996 - Lead singer of The Waitresses, Patty Donahue, dies of lung cancer at just 40 years of age

2008 - Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is arrested by federal officials on several charges including trying to sell the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama

2012 - Mexican-American singer Jenni Rivera is killed in a plane crash at the age of 43

2013 - A train crash near Bintaro, Indonesia kills seven and injures 63

And for celebrity birthdays, we have quite a few to announce.  Happy birthday to Kirk Douglas, Dick Van Patten, Buck Henry, Ashleigh Brilliant, Dame Judi Dench, Beau Bridges, Dick Butkus, Michael Nouri, John Malkovich, Donny Osmond, Nick Seymour, David Anthony Higgins, Joe Lando, Felicity Huffman, Spencer Rochfort, Brian Bell, Jakob Dylan, Allison Smith, Sebastian Spence, Kara DioGuardi, Lance Krall, Reiko Aylesworth, Tre Cool, Imogen Heap, Jesse Metcalfe, Simon Helberg, and Elle Evans.

Okay, so we have a lot of information presented, and not one piece of it deals with Christmas.  You see my dilemma.

Sigh...I suppose I'll have to come up with a way to talk about a previously discussed topic while making it seem fresh and new.  I'm not sure how to go about it, but here goes nothing.



The date we're going back to?  Nearly fifty years ago.  December 9, 1965.

And, it was on this date that the very first television special starring Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, and Snoopy first aired on network television.



Yes, it was on December 9, 1965 that "A Charlie Brown Christmas" made its television debut.  It's a television special that has aired annually for almost fifty Christmases and counting, and probably contains the best pro-Christmas speech ever heard in a television special.  Take it away, Linus.



Wasn't that beautiful? 

Now, here's the problem.  I already talked about this special three years ago when this blog was still in its toddler stages.  And, at this stage in the game, I really don't want to do duplicate posts on the same subject.  What am I going to do?

Well, what if I talk about the special from a different angle?  Like, what if I saw myself as one of the Peanuts gang?  What if I was in the special myself?



What if I built my own psychiatric help booth and charged the Peanuts gang a nickle dime oh, hell, with inflation, I'd charge $500 an hour for the gang to ask me for advice.  I wonder what I would say to them?

I mean, let's face it...this Christmas special is one that features a lot of different characters, and each one certainly has room for improvement.

Well, everyone except Linus Van Pelt anyway.  Because Linus, as we already established, is the pinnacle of rationality and coolness.



Okay.  Let's go with that idea.  Oh, but first, let's play a little bit of music to get us into the mood, courtesy of Vince Guaraldi.  



CHARLIE BROWN:  Good grief, man, when the heck are you going to get a backbone?  You consistently get whipped by Lucy, humiliated by your supposed friends, and even your own dog can't stand you half the time.  And you know why?  Because you let them walk all over you.  Believe me, I know what that is like.  So, my advice to you is to stand up straight, tuck in your yellow zig-zag shirt and set them all straight.  There wouldn't have been a Christmas play if you didn't step up and direct it!  And when those kids started to laugh and you and call you a blockhead after bringing the most darling little tree to the play with you, you should have just taken that tree and gone home.

Oh, wait.  You did that.  Nevermind.

Anyway, no charge this time.  You've been through enough.



LUCY:  If only you were more sensitive, kind-hearted, and joyful like your little brother, Linus.  Instead, you come across as a know-it-all pain in the neck!  Clearly, you are someone who is a full-fledged material girl right down to the plastic, fake, aluminum Christmas tree that you wanted Charlie Brown to get for the pageant.  And, clearly, you don't like losing control to anyone.  From threatening to punch your own brother to harassing poor Schroeder to basically directing Charlie Brown in directing the play, you're certainly not coming across as a likeable person this Christmas.  I actually cheered when Snoopy kissed you, knowing that you liked it.  Believe me, with your attitude, you deserved a lot more.

Eventually you came around and helped Charlie Brown decorate his little tree.  But you're still getting a lump of coal and a final bill for $500.



SNOOPY:  Okay.  You may have been guilty of laughing at Charlie Brown's Christmas tree, but you did slobber all over Lucy.  You're okay.  And, apparently when it comes to decorating houses for Christmas, you have a talent!



LINUS:  Frankly speaking, you are the star of this special.  You also epitomize the real meaning of what Christmas is all about.  Well played, sir.  Well played.  And, good on you for not following the crowd either.  You are a person who doesn't take

SHERMY, VIOLET, FRIEDA, and PIG-PEN:  Let us get one thing straight.  You are not leaders.  You are followers.  That is why you never see any specials called "It's the Garbage Dump, Pig-Pen", or "It's Your First Date, Shermy".  You were basically only at the play because you had to be, and you went along with teasing Charlie Brown because you had the "everyone else is doing it, and I don't want to feel left out" mentality.  Of course, this worked out in your redemption as well, as you helped decorate Charlie Brown's tree.  But, seriously, your following along with the crowd will not get you noticed.

SALLY:  You may be Charlie Brown's little sister, but you seem to have taken on a Lucy type personality.  Okay, so you aren't mean and bossy, but asking Santa Claus for tens and twenties for Christmas?  Do you know how much twenty bucks was back in the 1960s?  Talk about dreaming big!  Sally, set realistic goals.  Please.



3, 4, and 5:  You probably don't know them by their names...ahem...numbers...but by this photo, you probably know who they are.  5 is the boy in orange, 3 and 4 are the twin girls.  And, let's just say that they won't be winning "Dancing With The Stars" anytime soon.  My advice to you three...keep practicing.

Anyway, that's all that I have to say about that.  Your bills will be in the mail.  In the meantime, let's close off this Tuesday Timeline special by listening to another classic song from "A Charlie Brown Christmas", which first aired nearly fifty years ago.



And do tune in for Day #10 of the advent calendar.  You never know what subject will be on my mind for "WHO AM I WEDNESDAY".

Monday, December 08, 2014

The Bastardization of Christmas Past Songbook - Part I



On the eighth day of A POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR, this blogger gave to you, a FUNNY MONDAY post about Christmas songs!

Okay, well, I tried to make a musical interlude but for whatever reason it didn't sound very good.  Oh well.  It's not supposed to.  And that's the whole idea behind today's blog post!

But I have a bit of a confession to make.  This blog post has actually been in the works over the last...oh...five years or so.  Impressive, given that I only began this blog three and a half years ago.

You see, this is the time of year in which you hear Christmas carols all over the place.  You hear them on the radio stations.  You hear them on the street.  You hear them when you go shopping at any store during the month of December.  And when you work retail as I have done over the last ten years, it is not uncommon to hear "Jingle Bells" performed by dozens of artists in dozens of interpretations.  Can you believe that they even did a reggae version of that Christmas song?  It's too much!

No, seriously.  It's too much Christmas carol saturation.

Now, this doesn't mean that I don't love singing Christmas carols.  I enjoy a good wassailing session as much as anyone, even if I do sing off-key.  But when you hear Christmas carols all day every day, it can get to be a bit much.

In fact, non-stop Christmas music gives me bad thoughts.  Evil thoughts.  Homicidal thoughts.

So, when you have thoughts like those, there are only two options that you could do to make them go away.  Create sick and depraved versions of Christmas classics and sing those instead, or beat up an elf with a life-sized candle.  And, I am almost positive that the latter choice would have me spending the holidays in the slammer.

So, let's go with the first choice.  Making song parodies of Christmas carols.  I've been coming up with song parodies for a while now.  It began with simple choruses five years ago, but has evolved into full-blown songs.

And I would like to share some selections from "THE BASTARDIZATION OF CHRISTMAS PAST SONGBOOK" with all of you today.

Fair warning though.  These are just the song LYRICS that I will be posting.  You do not want to hear me sing.  Ever.  But if someone wanted to film themselves singing these songs and post them on YouTube or something like that, I would find that to be amazing.  Just don't forget to credit yours truly as the author of said song parodies if you decide to do exactly that.

Now, I don't have room to post all of them at once, so I think I'll do a two-part series, with part two being posted next Monday. 

Have fun with these!  I know I sure did.



IT'S THE MOST STRESS-FILLED TIME OF THE YEAR

It's the most stress-filled time of the year
Kids screaming and yelling
It's less than fulfilling, I need an Advil
To get through the stress-filled time of the year
It's the crap-crappiest season of all
With a cold in my nose 
And my frostbitten toes, it seems like a bad dream
But it's not-not and it makes me want to scream
Oh the parties you can't stand
With people so bland
And the fruitcakes you cannot digest
Forced to see all the dozens
Of annoying cousins
And their kids who are nothing but pests
It's the most stress-filled time of the year
Oh our uncle's so drunk
He took out the tree trunk cause he spiked the egg nog
Can't wait to post the pictures on my blog
Oh the parties you can't stand
With people so bland
And the fruitcakes you cannot digest
Forced to see all the dozens
Of annoying cousins
And their kids who are nothing but pests
It's the most-stress filled time of the year
When it's all said and done
We will have some more fun for we are not in fear
Cause it's now over for
Yes it's now over for
Cause it's now over for another year

***********************


FLEAS ON MY DAD

Fleas on my dad
Fleas on my dad
Fleas on my dad
From the next door neighbours dog, that's really bad
Fleas on my dad
Fleas on my dad
Fleas on my dad
From the next door neighbours dog, that's really bad
And they're not having a Merry Christmas 
And they're not having a Merry Christmas 
And they're not having a Merry Christmas 
Cause they're fumigating their house

************************


DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?

Said the housewife to her family
Do you see what I see?
It's the flyer for a store selling groceries
Do you see what I see?
A sale, a sale
A sale that's really great
Lamb chops on sale for $9.98
Lamb chops on sale for $9.98
Took the little kids to the grocery store
Do you buy what I buy?
Shopping for lamb chops and more
Do you buy what I buy?
No Jimmy, No Susie
You cannot have that candy
You'll spoil your appetite by dandy
You'll spoil your appetite by dandy
Take the little lamb and put it in a pot
Do you smell what I smell?
Simmer, stir until it's piping hot
Do you smell what I smell?
Delicious, nutritious
We really just can't wait
It's a lunch that feeds a family of eight
It's a lunch that feeds a family of eight
Hear the smoke detector buzzing really loud
I think my stove's on fire
The lamb is burning, that is not allowed
I think my stove's on fire
The fire's out
We're going to Plan B
We're ordering some take-out Chinese
We're ordering some take-out Chinese
We're ordering some take-out Chinese

*******************************



BLUE CHRISTMAS

I have a blue living room this morning
I should have given out a warning
My own kids found a stamp pad...now there's ink on the wall
There's blue all over the floor, and it makes me wanna bawl
I now have a blue kitchen filled with handprints
The cookie jar is blue, because my kids ate all the Thin Mints
I'm not doing all right, because my house is anything but white
Because my kids found the blue, blue, blue, blue stamp pad
I'm not doing all right, now my house is anything but white
Because my kids found the blue, blue, blue, blue stamp pad

********************************


IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE I SPENT TOO MUCH

It's beginning to look like I spent too much
On Christmas gifts this year
Take a look at my pocketbook, my financial goose is cooked
And creditors will have me live in fear
It's beginning to look like I spent too much
Shopped at every store
I think it's really daft, they cut my credit card in half
Now I've hit the floor
I spent too much today at the jewelers named Kay
With payments that never end
Jetted off to Target because I had to get
The entire boxed set of "Friends"
Oh will these holiday expenses ever end?
It's beginning to look like I spent too much
My finances aren't fine
The holidays fill me with dread, my balance is in the red
I really wish that I had shopped online
It's beginning to look like I spent too much
Overloaded my cart
Oh, I swallowed a bitter pill when I saw my final bill
It almost stopped my heart

**************************************


I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe at the mall
She didn't see Daddy spy
Behind the life-size gingerbread guy
If she had spotted Daddy
She might have told Santa goodbye
Then, I saw Mommy tickling Santa Claus
Then Daddy came and punched him in the face
Oh, my Mommy made a pass
And then Daddy kicked Santa's ass
Cause he saw
Mommy kissing Santa at the mall!

Okay, that should get you started for now.  Remember, part 2 will be posted next Monday.  And believe me, I've saved the funniest parodies for last.

Tomorrow on Day #9 - A Tuesday Timeline special edition!

Sunday, December 07, 2014

Kenny & Dolly: A Christmas To Remember

Well, hello there everybody!  This is the continuation of A POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR.



We've made it a whole week already!  Day #7 has arrived!

Now, usually what happens during a Sunday Jukebox entry is that I choose a song from random, talk a little bit about the song, how well it did on the charts, and any funny stories or interesting trivia facts about how the songs were recorded.

But on account that this is the holiday season, I am going to toss all of that out of the window.  You see, I am not going to be posting pop songs that made it to the top of the charts.  I'll be posting contemporary Christmas classics and holiday favourites of yore.

And, fair warning to all of you who might be reading this post...this blog entry is going country for today.  Now, for fans of country music, this blog entry will surely make your day.  And for those of you who are not - well, at least there's next Sunday, right?

Oh, yeah.  One other thing.  I'm not going to be limiting my song choice to just one song.  In fact, I may end up posting no less than four songs in this very space!  You will understand why as you read on.

Anyway, the inspiration behind this post admittedly comes from a rather unusual source.

As many of you know, I work in the media/electronics section of a department store.  And, as many of you know, Christmas is only eighteen days away.  So, naturally, with electronics and media being in huge demand for the holidays, it is a fair assessment to say that I am putting in a lot of hours on the sales floor.  I once kept a pedometer on me during a standard eight hour shift, and it claimed that I took over 21,000 steps! 

Side note:  Nobody can EVER tell me that I slack off at work!

Anyway, the point is that while you are stocking boxes of merchandise on the shelves, you overhear the strangest conversations from customers who happen to be shopping.

One conversation happened just yesterday.  I was trying to put away recovery from the night before and I happened to be in the section where we sell our CD's and concert DVD's and I overheard two men having a discussion near the country music section.  And clear as a bell, I heard one man exclaim that he believed that Kenny Rogers has had so much cosmetic surgery that he looked like Michael Jackson!

Okay, so maybe comparing the two singers might be a bit of a stretch, but it isn't really any secret that Kenny has had work done.  He openly admitted to Anderson Cooper that he underwent plastic surgery in an effort to look younger.  And comparing two Kenny Rogers albums side by side, it is hard not to notice a difference.  Here's Kenny from his latest release, 2013's "You Can't Make Old Friends".



And, here's Kenny from thirty years ago from a Christmas album that he released.



Hey, wait a minute.  Isn't that Dolly Parton posing beside Kenny Rogers?  Sure looks like it.  And, I suppose one common thread between these two country music superstars is that they have both openly admitted to undergoing plastic surgery.

But there's another major connection between these two that happens to be a lot more meaningful.  They record beautiful music.

In fact, the album cover that I just posted up above happens to be the subject of this blog post.  We'll be looking at the album "Once Upon a Christmas", which believe it or not was released thirty years ago, in 1984.



So, Kenny Rogers had already released a holiday album back in 1981, but this was really the first time that Dolly Parton ever released a Christmas album.  And who knew that when the two got together and recorded "Once Upon a Christmas" that it would become of the biggest selling holiday albums of the year.  Of course, it didn't quite make the top of the list for the Top Holiday Albums - it was released the same year that Band-Aid recorded "Do They Know It's Christmas".  However, on the Billboard Christmas Charts, it peaked at #4.  Not only that, but it was a Top 20 album on the Billboard Top Country Albums chart, and peaked at #31 on the Billboard 200!

So, how did this album grow so popular?  Well, I suppose you could thank CBS in part for that.

It had been in the works for a while, but CBS decided to air a Christmas special that featured Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton singing a mixture of original Christmas songs with classic Christmas favourites.  The special originally aired on December 2, 1984 and has since be re-run on selected cable outlets. 

(Interestingly enough, the special has never been released on Blu-Ray, DVD, or even VHS, making it quite difficult, but not impossible to find.)

The name of the special was Kenny & Dolly:  A Christmas To Remember, and here are just a few of the songs that you could hear in said special.

How about a rousing rendition of "With Bells On"?




Maybe you'd rather hear Dolly singing "Winter Wonderland"?



Or, how about the biggest hit from the special and the album?  A little song called "The Greatest Gift Of All", which peaked at #81 on the Billboard Hot 100?



Even thirty years after this album was released, it is still widely popular.  Country music stations often play this record during the holiday season.  In 1989, it was certified double platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America.  And in 1997, the album was re-released, but with two tracks deleted, and one track added.  The original 1984 release is unfortunately out of print.

Still, though...if you're looking for an album that will complement your good old-fashioned Christmas, give this one a try.  I don't mind it, and I don't really care for most country music.  If I like it, I think you will too.

And that closes the chapter on the first week of the advent calendar.  But do stick around for Day #8.  I'll be talking about something funny for the holidays.  What that is, I don't know.  But I will think of something.

Saturday, December 06, 2014

Christmas With The Kranks

It is the return of SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE MOVIES!  Are we excited about this news?



Okay, well, what if I told you that this was Day #6 of THE POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR?  That ought to make you excited, right?

Okay, well, what if I told you that I had $1,000 to give out to EVERYONE WHO READS THIS POST?!?

Well, I'm sure that would be nice.  Unfortunately, I do not have that much money on me, and I cannot keep that promise.  But since you're here, I thought I would have a discussion on a holiday movie.

I imagine that as of right now, all of you are making your preparations for the holidays, and most of you probably have your own holiday traditions.  You might have a winter bonfire in your backyard every Christmas Eve.  You may have a special stuffing recipe that you have to make every year.  You might even have a holiday challenge where you compete to see who can eat the most candy canes in a row! 

Whatever your traditions are, I would think that most of them are family-oriented.  After all, the holidays are all about spending time with your family and friends, and being thankful for having another holiday season to spend with them.

But what happens when a little kink gets thrown into your perfect family Christmas?  Suppose that bad weather prevents your whole family from being able to fly in for the holidays.  Or, maybe you get sick on Christmas Eve and are bedridden for Christmas Day.  Or perhaps your daughter is unable to come home for Christmas because she has gone off to have an adventure out of the continent.  That would be quite the Christmas dilemma, wouldn't it?

So, what do you do?  Do you decide to have Christmas anyway without your loved ones, thinking that it is the right thing to do?  Do you postpone Christmas for a few days and have a celebration closer to the New Year?  Or do you just decide to forget about Christmas and just go on an extended cruise away from it all?

Well, I can tell you that in today's movie discussion, one family faces that very choice.  And when they make a choice that baffles their friends, infuriates the neighbours, and causes everyone to wonder what they were thinking, they wonder if they made the right choice at all.



But when you spend "Christmas With The Kranks", anything is possible!

Now, granted, this film is probably not going to be held in as high regard as classics such as "It's A Wonderful Life", "Miracle on 34th Street", or even "Home Alone".  It was critically panned, and I even have to question why the decision not to host a Christmas celebration would be equated to a man breaking into an orphanage on Christmas Eve and stealing all of their Christmas goodies.  But we'll get to that a little later.

The film was directed by Joe Roth, and the screenplay was penned by Chris Columbus (who also worked on "Home Alone" and the first few Harry Potter movies).  Released on November 24, 2004 (has it really been ten years since this came out?), the film stars Tim Allen, Jamie Lee Curtis, Dan Aykroyd, Erik Per Sullivan, Cheech Marin, and M. Emmet Walsh.

So, as you may have gathered, Luther and Nora Krank (Allen and Curtis) have decided that they are going to have a Christmas celebration unlike any other.  And how this Christmas will be different?  They simply aren't going to celebrate it!

Normally, the Krank family goes all out for the holidays.  But when their daughter Blair opts to go to South America on a Peace Corps mission during the holidays, the Kranks decide that the Christmas season won't be the same without her.  Plus, they were shocked to learn that their last holiday cost them a total of over six thousand dollars.

(Okay, what family aside from the Trumps spends SIX GRAND on Christmas?!?  On second thought, don't answer that.)



Anyway, the Kranks decide not to wallow in self-pity over not having Blair home for the holidays.  They make the decision to use the six thousand that they would have spent on the holidays to book themselves a ten-day holiday cruise in the Caribbean.  What could be better than that?



Well, according to the residents of Hemlock Street - the street where the Kranks live - ANYTHING would have been better.  Turns out that the Kranks decision not to decorate their home, purchase a Christmas tree, or buy Christmas gifts has caused a lot of outrage in the community.  The neighbours of the Krank family basically turn the Kranks into public enemy number one.  Walt Scheel (Walsh) and Vic Frohmeyer (Aykroyd) seem to be launching the campaign to force the Kranks to wake up and smell the mistletoe.  For Frohmeyer, it is simply because he wants to have their neighbourhood win the contest for best decorated street.  But Walt may have an even bigger reason for wanting to spread a little holiday joy to the Kranks...one that we won't understand until the end of the film.

Needless to say, the Kranks are very determined to stand their ground, and even if the entire town despises them, and calls them out on what the townspeople perceive to be Scrooge like behaviour, nothing will stop them from having the non-Christmas Christmas that they have planned.

Well, except for the fact that Blair has gotten engaged to a man from Peru and plans on surprising her parents by bringing him home for Christmas so he can observe a real American holiday celebration!



Can you say honey glazed ham panic here?

Anyway, I won't reveal any more plot points here.  If I do, you won't be compelled to watch the rest of it, even if critics savaged it.  However, I do see what message the film is trying to say, even if the neighbours of the Krank family end up looking like jerks in the process.  I guess the message is that no matter how little, or how much a person decorates, everyone can be infected with the wonderful spirit of the holidays.  It's also a cunning example of how materialistic some people can get over the holidays.  You don't have to have a Caribbean cruise, or win the prize for best decorated house, or even prepare the perfect Christmas ham.  All you need is the people who love you the most.  After all, time is quite precious.  That's the best gift to give someone.

I'll be taking a look at a Christmas song in tomorrow's edition of the advent calendar.  Until next day, everyone.