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Monday, December 15, 2014

Letters to Santa - FUNNY MONDAY Style

How many of you remember writing letters to Santa Claus as a child?  I think I probably have written my fair share as a kid.  Some of them were published in the newspaper, while others were sent to Santa's address in the North Pole.

I even know his postal code by heart.  H0H 0H0!  I honestly don't know if Santa is still accepting letters from children, as it is ten days before Christmas.  But, I guarantee you that if you did mail him a letter, if you were a good boy, you almost always got a reply back!

Of course, the vast majority of letters to Santa Claus contain items that all of us wanted for Christmas that year.  Most of mine contained requests for items that admittedly tested Santa's patience (not to mention bank account), but I have to admit it.  Whether I received the items I asked for or didn't, I still had fun writing the letter.



And this has inspired the topic for Day #15 of THE POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR.  Letters to Santa.

Well...letters to Santa with a FUNNY MONDAY twist to it.

That's right.  I have scourged the Internet for the funniest, weirdest, and just plain disturbing letters to Santa Claus ever penned.  Needless to say, I would never have the guts to be so bold in a letter to Santa Claus, but these fifteen children were.

As always, credit for the images displayed here go to Pinterest, list25.com, Huffington Post, deseretnews.com, and someecards.com

Okay, so let's see what some of these children requested on their Christmas lists, shall we?



1.  Either this kid wants to redecorate his bedroom, build the coolest tree fort ever, or open up a Chuck E. Cheese.



2.  Hey, at the age of one, did YOU know what would make you happy?  Apparently Jimmy Dean is the toddler whisperer...



3.  I like how this kid snuck in "something evil" among the various robot requests.  Could there possibly be a more obsessive child?



4.  Well, to be fair, this letter was likely written back in 2008 when Hannah Montana was still relevant and before Miley Cyrus made twerking a new dance craze...



5.  The handwriting is off, but I am fairly sure that this child meant to ask what the biggest cookie he's ever eaten.  Though, to be fair, I have never eaten a cootie.  For all I know, they could taste like chicken.



6.  I think "Jennifer" is a pseudonym for "Jillian Michaels".



7.  When your letter turns into a midterm exam, you know that it's not good.



8.  Such anger.



9.  If this person is really sincere about changing his ways, he could use that $5.3 billion to eliminate the debt that Ontario is currently in.  Just saying.



10.  True story.  I did ask for batteries in one of my letters to Santa.  This kid is one smart cookie, as far as I am concerned!



11.  Let's see...this kid wants to turn into a dragon, or wants to own a dragon, and then he wishes Santa a Happy Valentine's Day.  Yep, sounds legitimate.



12.  Can't write?  Let Walmart help.  At least this person took the economy into consideration and used the flyer for Walmart instead of Jared, Kay, or Zales.



13.  Is this a death threat?!?  Wow.



14.  I am guessing that this child did not get his Christmas wishes granted.  I am also guessing by the random uses of Comic Sans MS font that words were substituted in because the real words would make an elf blush.



15.  Interestingly enough, this was Santa's reply back to letter #14 - apparently it was so traumatic that Johnny changed his name to Susan. 

And, so ends another FUNNY MONDAY special, as well as the fifteenth day of the calendar.  Coming up tomorrow, another holiday themed Tuesday Timeline entry!

NOTE:  These letters may or may not be real.  Either way, they were still fun to read.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Peppermint Kandy Kids - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Do any of you remember having a Christmas album that for whatever reason sticks with you?  A holiday soundtrack that takes you back to a carefree time in which you were, say, seven years old?  A soundtrack that makes you remember fond memories such as writing a letter to Santa Claus, watching "A Garfield Christmas" on television, and chewing the corners off of all of your Christmas gifts in hopes that you could tell what gifts you were going to get before Christmas came.

(For the record, yes, I did do all of those things right down to the corner chewing.  It's a wonder that I didn't get a lump of coal for that particular Christmas!)



Anyway, for Day #14 of THE POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR, I am going to share with you a memory of a holiday album that I can remember from way back when.  Interestingly enough, the album technically wasn't mine, but I listened to it enough that I still have great memories of it.

And to think that I had no idea who the singers were until just a few months ago!  But, we will get to that a little bit later.

Anyway, getting back to the subject of holiday albums that made a permanent imprint on your childhood Christmases, I want to ask you all a question.  What was that album for you?

Perhaps it was Dave Seville and his trio of chipmunks singing about how Christmas time was here, and how Alvin wanted a hula hoop.  Or, maybe you were dancing along to the classic tale of a dog named Snoopy going up against the Red Baron.  Or, maybe you were trying to imitate the dance that 3, 4, and 5 were dancing along to during a rousing chorus of "Linus and Lucy".

I honestly don't know if I ever really owned a Christmas album in its entirety.  I suppose that if you counted that group that called themselves the Mini-Pops, I could say that I did own at least one album. 



(The Mini-Pops were a group of kids between the ages of seven and thirteen who usually sang pop classics, but released a Christmas album circa 1985.  The Mini-Pops still exist today, but I would assume that they would be the children of the original Mini-Poppers.  A 42-year-old a Mini-Pop does not make.)



Oh, and I suppose I could also add the album "A Very Special Christmas", which was released in 1987 to my list of holiday albums that stuck with me as well.  It is the only complete Christmas album that I have downloaded onto my iPod, and it contains classic hits performed by Whitney Houston, The Pointer Sisters, Bryan Adams, and U2, among others.

But when it comes to Christmas albums, my older sister certainly had her fair share of them.  She has Christmas music playing at her house all the time during the month of December, and I am fairly sure that she still has her original record (yes, I said record) of "Do They Know It's Christmas" by Band-Aid.

But interestingly enough, one album that I remember vividly was an album that was released nine years before I was born.  And yet, I probably heard that album so much during my childhood that it seemed brand new to me.

By the time I was old enough to use a ghetto blaster, I knew what that Christmas tape looked like.  Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out who the artists were that sang on it.  The cassette tape was purchased back in the 1970s, and the writing that listed the songs on the cassette had rubbed out a long time ago.  To me, it didn't look any different from a blank cassette tape that one would purchase from Radio Shack.

That mystery would remain until about a year ago.  Back in the 1980s, it was near impossible to find out information about older albums unless you were lucky enough to check out the right book from the public library.  Thanks to the Internet, finding information out has never been easier.

I had a couple of leads to go on.  I couldn't remember what all the songs were that were listed on the album, but I did know two.  One was "Up On The Housetop", and the other one was a song called "Santa's Magical Bag".

Of course, "Up On The Housetop" is a standard Christmas classic, so trying to search for that song would have been like finding a needle in a haystack.  But I knew that "Santa's Magical Bag" seemed like a more unique title.  I think that back in the 1970s - when the album was first released - it sounded like it would have been a contemporary Christmas song for its time.  So, I opted to search for that song on Google to see if I could find the album.

And wouldn't you know it?  It took me to this video.



It also gave me the name of the album and group that did all of the songs for this album.  The name of the album was "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town", released by Peter Pan Records in 1972.



And the name of the group that sang all of these songs was "The Peppermint Kandy Kids". 

So, now that I had the album name, as well as the group that recorded the album, I tried to find out more information about the group.  Unfortunately, I came up with very little information.  There's not even a Wikipedia entry on the group, which is quite surprising to me. 

I did come to find out that "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" was not their only holiday release.  Would you believe that this group released no less than five holiday albums in the early 1970s?  I couldn't tell if they were released all at once, or if they were released separately, but it appears that all five of them were released between 1971 and 1973.



For reference, here are the other titles released by the Peppermint Kandy Kids.

SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN
SNOOPY'S CHRISTMAS
RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER
LITTLE DRUMMER BOY

(NOTE:  The colours of the titles represent the colours of the original album covers.)

I also discovered that each of these albums were re-released and re-recorded in the late 1970s.  How you could tell the difference between the original album and the re-release?  The second print albums incorporated dialogue in between songs so that it appeared as though they were telling a story.  This tells me that my sister had the 1977 re-release, as I vividly remember there being narrative in between songs.

It was actually quite cool the way that they did it, as the narrative made it appear as though it was taking place at the North Pole just before Santa's 24-hour long sleigh ride on Christmas Eve.  I seem to remember hearing Santa and Mrs. Claus's voices on the tape, which I have to admit made me smile as a kid.

I suppose that based on that, the Peppermint Kandy Kids were sort of like the Mini-Pops of the 1970s.  After all, most of the songs were recorded by grade school aged children.  But unlike the Mini-Pops in which you were a has-been by the age of fourteen, the Peppermint Kandy Kids did allow adults to sing along with the children.  After all, a 10-year-old playing Santa Claus would have been very unrealistic.

But you know...even though the albums were more or less filler on album shelves during the 1970s, the Peppermint Kandy Kids were a huge part of Christmas in my family.  And, as a special treat for all of you, I found some more of the songs from that album that I will post for you below.  Maybe some of you who owned that album too will remember it as well.



There's only a few days left in the advent calendar.  And on Day #15, I aim to make you laugh.  Whether I will succeed...well, we'll find out tomorrow.  

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Gremlins

Good day, everyone!  And a very happy Saturday, the thirteenth to you.



Yeah, yeah.  I know that Friday the 13th is supposed to be the scarier and weirder day of the lot, but there's no reason why Saturday the 13th can't have its share of unusual circumstances behind it.

Case in point, this happens to be the thirteenth day of THE POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR.  And for the thirteenth day of the calendar, we're going to be taking a look at a film that is absolutely non-traditional Christmas fare.

Basically it is a film that is set during the Christmas season that ends up being more of a horror movie.  Not exactly the kind of film that would bring you comfort and joy, is it?

Here's the thing.  While this film would probably be more suited for the Halloween portion of the blog, it will definitely fit for Christmas as well.  After all, the film begins with the exchanging of what could be considered one of the coolest and most unique gifts ever given for a Christmas present. 

I don't know how many of you ever received a pet for Christmas, but those of you who have gotten a pet for the holidays may be able to relate to this movie - albeit very loosely. 

I never did get any sort of pets for Christmas.  Back in my childhood days, my allergies were so out of whack that literally every animal on the planet made me sneeze!  Of course, since I have grown up, my allergies are not as strong, and I have since owned at least one cat who has since passed away.  Though I do remember hearing about kids in my class who did receive puppies, kitties, bunnies, and even a ferret for a pet during the holidays.

And certainly a pet can be a fantastic gift to get for Christmas.  But with owning a pet comes great responsibility.  You have to know what foods the pet can and can't eat, you have to make sure that the pet gets enough exercise, and that the pet has proper shelter.  And sometimes all it takes is one mistake for your dream pet to become a nightmare to take care of.

Of course in most cases, taking care of domesticated animals is a challenging, but fun experience overall.  But what if the animal isn't exactly domestic?  What if the animal was so exotic that nobody really knows how to take care of them?  Before you know it, you could have an entire army of animals invading your neighbourhood, scaring the innocent people who live within it!



Such is the case of the 1984 film "Gremlins", our feature presentation for today's movie posting.



Released on June 8, 1984, "Gremlins" was never designed to be a festive favourite like "White Christmas", "Holiday Inn", or "The Santa Clause".  But because the film is set during the Christmas season, that makes it fair game for discussion during the advent calendar.  The film stars Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Hoyt Axton, and Howie Mandel as the voice of this cute little guy.



Meet Gizmo.  Cute little fellow, isn't he?

He's an ancient creature from China known as a Mogwai.  There aren't too many of these creatures around, and as far as a pet goes, Gizmo is about as rare a pet as you could find.

The perfect present for a college student, wouldn't you think?  Or so Randall Peltzer thinks, anyway.

Randall (Axton) is trying to find the perfect Christmas present for his 21-year-old son Billy (Galligan), and he believes that Gizmo would definitely be the gift that keeps on giving.  However, the owner of the store refuses at first to sell Gizmo to Randall, reasoning that taking care of a Mogwai is more difficult than he or anyone else ever imagined.  Nevertheless, Randall is determined to pay any price for Gizmo, and the store owner relents, as he has fallen into a financial crisis and needs money badly.

Basically, taking care of a Mogwai should be simple...like taking care of a dog or a cat.  However, there are three major rules that you have to take into consideration if ever you should have a Mogwai in your possession.

RULES FOR HANDLING MOGWAI

1.  Do not expose a Mogwai to direct sunlight - it is instant death to them.

2.  Do not expose a Mogwai to water.  They do not like getting wet.

3.  You can feed your Mogwai whatever he wants before midnight.  When the clock strikes twelve, no more food for him/her.

So, you'd think that Billy would be extra careful when spending quality time with his new pet, which for the most part, he is.  Of course, there was that accident with the glass of water that caused five more Mogwai to spawn from Gizmo's body.  In turn, those five Mogwai grow up to have a completely different temperment from Gizmo.  Gizmo is sweet, lovable, fluffy, and kind.  The group that is lead by a particularly cruel Gremlin named Stripe is bold, mischievous, and out of control. 

Billy naturally grows a bit concerned, and takes one of the newly spawned Mogwai to school where he shows his former science teacher.  He sprinkles water on the Mogwai, in which a sixth Mogwai is born, and the teacher agrees to keep the newborn Mogwai for future tests.



At the same time, Billy meets up with his friend Kate (Cates), and the two make a date after Kate finishes up her shift at a local tavern.

But unbeknownst to everyone in the doomed community of Kingston Falls, Stripe and his buddies plan on making the community their own personal playground this Christmas.  They purposely disable Billy's alarm clock so that they will trick Billy into feeding them after midnight.  At the same time, the Mogwai that Billy's teacher was doing experiments on also finds some food.  Only Gizmo resists temptation and doesn't eat a bite, suggesting that Billy has taken care of him correctly, and has at least taught him a sense of right and wrong.



Of course, the next night, all hell breaks loose.  We get the sense that something terrible is about to happen when the Mogwai that is at the lab breaks free, and does something rather shocking to Billy's former teacher (it involves a candy bar).  It also doesn't help matters much that five giant cocoons have spawned in Billy's room, and when they hatch, five grotesque looking Gremlins come out of hiding and try to make Billy's mother the main course in her own kitchen.  Kate somehow finds herself caught up in danger as well when the Gremlins come around the tavern.  And before you know it, the winter wonderland of Kingston Falls becomes a living, breathing hell.

A hell that Billy has to find a way to stop before innocent lives are lost.

Now, doesn't that movie just make you want to roast chestnuts on an open fire?  I know, it's not the most traditional Christmas film out there...but hey, every advent calendar has to have one weird day, right? 

I thought that I would conclude this entry with some trivia facts about behind the scenes stories and other miscellaneous nuggets of information.

1.  Frank Welker does the voice of Stripe - as well as hundreds of various other cartoon characters over the years from Scooby-Doo's Freddy to countless voices in Transformers.

2.  The film was written by Chris Columbus, who went on to work on "Home Alone", and the first few Harry Potter films.

3.  The movie that the Gremlins watch in the theatre scene is "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves".

4.  The theatre in "Gremlins" was also used in "Back to the Future".

5.  One of the first films to receive the newly created PG-13 rating.

6.  The term "mogwai" in Cantonese means gremlin, or devil.

7.  No CGI was used in the making of this film; all the gremlins used were animatronics costing around $35,000 each!

8.  In the tavern scenes, listen to the screams that Cates makes.  Chances are that the loudest one was made when a cockroach crawled past her (unseen) while filming the scene!

9.  Howie Mandel only voiced Gizmo.  The other Gremlins were voiced by Michael Winslow.

10.  Frank Welker was the one who actually suggested Mandel for the part of Gizmo.

11.  Judd Nelson and Emilio Estevez were both considered for the role of Billy before it was handed over to Zach Galligan.

12.  Hoyt Axton is said to have improvised the majority of his lines.

13.  This film was actually meant to be released in December 1984 - which would make the Christmas theme make more sense.  The reason why it aired six months earlier?  Because Warner Brothers - the company that produced the film -  really had no other competition at the box office from other films, and they took a gamble.  That gamble paid off, as "Gremlins" made over $153 million at the box office.

And there you have it.  Another movie post down, and another day to check off.

Coming up on Day #14 - a Christmas classic, courtesy of a band that called themselves the Peppermint Kandy Kids?  How intriguing.  There couldn't be a personal touch to tomorrow's blog...could there?

Friday, December 12, 2014

The Bastardization of Christmas Past Songbook - Part II

Hello, everyone!  And welcome to the twelfth day of December!



It also happens to be Day #12 of THE POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR!

It also happens to be the second part of the special "Bastardization of Christmas Past" songbook that I began on Day #8 of this special advent calendar. 

I initially was going to wait until Monday to post this, but as it so happens, a better topic for discussion came up for FUNNY MONDAY instead.

So, consider this your Friday gift!

Now, for those of you who don't know what I am talking about, I will explain it again.  "The Bastardization of Christmas Past" is an idea that was inspired by a bombardment of Christmas carols at my workplace.  Prior to working retail, I could handle the odd Christmas carol or two.  Hearing twenty-seven different variations of "Jingle Bells" in an eight hour shift is maddening.  And, rather than act on my homicidal thoughts that these various versions of "Jingle Bells" brought, I thought it would be safer (and saner) to do up my own Christmas parodies.

Now, I do NOT sing any of these songs.  Listening to me sing is equivalent to being locked up for 25 years as far as I am concerned.  Consider that my gift to you.

However, I am sure that based on the lyrical content, you can quickly figure out what the songs are that I am spoofing.  At least, I hope you can, anyway.

Okay, so last time, I picked out six songs.  Here are five more.  Enjoy!



MARY'S BOYFRIEND (MARY'S BOY CHILD)

Mary's boyfriend paid the price
Chucked out on Christmas Day
And she will live for evermore as a single lady today
Long time ago in a brutal melee, a lost girl found her way
Mary's boyfriend paid the price
Chucked out on Christmas Day
She caught him with someone else
She knew that he must pay
She threw him out of her front door, that cold December day
Mary's boyfriend paid the price
Chucked out on Christmas Day
While neighbours watched the hullabaloo
Mary packed up all his clothes
They heard her boyfriend plead and beg
But it was too late so out he goes!
She caught him with someone else
She knew that he must pay
She threw him out of her front door, that cold December day
For a moment he thought it was done
But then shots rang out
She appeared with a new rifle
He ran down the street screaming so loud
While Mary breathed a sigh of relief
How the relationship ended
That was not Mary's concern
Now that his cheating butt was gone
Revenge was her next turn
She grabbed a bottle of lighter fluid
Sprayed it on his belongings of course,
Then Mary struck a match and made
a bonfire from his new Porsche
She caught him with someone else
She knew that he must pay
She threw him out of her front door, that cold December day
Mary's boyfriend paid the price
Chucked out on Christmas Day
For a moment he thought it was done
But then shots rang out
She appeared with a new rifle
He ran down the street screaming so loud
While Mary breathed a sigh of relief
Oh my god, the car burned up so fast
Oh my god, those things they never last
Oh my god, Romance was in the past
Mary is single now
Mary's ex-guy, feeling no jubilation
Subjected to public humiliation
Sent to jail for intoxication
Mary drove him to drink
That's the end of this crazy story
Mary's ex, did not have any glory
The moral of this cautionary story
Is don't cheat on your love

___________________________



SLEIGH RIDE

Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing
Sending a warning to all
Just watch as our lovely sleigh ride
Crashes through the doors of the mall
Outside the snow is falling
And we're hearing screaming and yelps
Because our sled is out of
control and we really need help
Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, oh no
We continue to go
Wherever we'll stop we do not know
Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, oh dear
We've sailed into Sears
We're taking out several tables
Filled with accessories for your ears
Our eyes are filled with fright
As we make a right, oh gravy
Watch as a shopper dives
into the fountain near Old Navy
Tip over shopping carts
In the Walmart as we pass through
We stare at shoppers who almost
get knocked out near the shoes
There's a mall Santa who sits down in the atrium
But we accidentally bruise him in the cranium
As the scared little kiddos and their mommies run into the hardware shop
They have no idea that we don't know how to stop
Stop! Stop! Stop!
We take out a gumball machine in the food court
As people run away offering us no support
Now we're destroying some lithographs by Currier & Ives
Here come a group of police to try and save our lives
And now the ride is finished
The sleigh it no longer runs
And finally all is calm
In the mall where this all begun
But now we are all crying
And swallowing a bitter pill
For our sleigh ride from hell
Racked up a $7,000 bill!

___________________________________



RUNNING AWAY FROM THE CHRISTMAS TREE

Running away from the Christmas tree
Cause it's got defective lights
Everyone tramples over me
As the Christmas tree ignites
Running away from the Christmas tree
Running away from the living room
Because it's on fire too
This holiday was filled with doom
Whatever will we do?
You will get a very dreadful feeling when you see
Fire trucks lining up one by one
Cause somebody dialed 911
Running away from the Christmas tree
Not a happy holiday
All I want now is to wait and see
If this bad dream will go away
You will get a very dreadful feeling when you see
Fire trucks lining up one by one
Cause somebody dialed 911
Running away from the Christmas tree
Cause it's got defective lights
Everyone tramples over me
As the Christmas tree ignites

_________________________________



WHOSE CHILD IS THIS?

Whose child is this, they do not know
That's why they're on the Maury show
Our heroine's tale is tragic and sad
Cause she can't find her own baby's daddy
Brought somebody in for a paternity test
A man she met on the Internet
She's a thousand per cent sure he is the one
Who fathered her son
Pray, pray for our teenage mom
She got knocked up at her junior prom
Sadly the test showed he wasn't the one
So there's still no dad for her son
A few weeks pass, the show's brand new
The mother's back with man #2
She's sure that this man is her baby's dad
So she's back on the show of Maury
Nay, nay, that's not the man
The paternity test, it spoiled her plans
The woman regrets her bad romance
As the man does his victory dance
Whose child is this, she still doesn't know
On Maury's show, On Maury's show, she returns once more
Tune, tune in to next week's show
She brings on stage a man named Beau
We'll test him too, see if he's the dad
Next week on the show of Maury
Next week on the show of Maury
The show of Maury

________________________________



DO THEY KNOW IT'S CLOSING TIME?

It's closing time
The store needs to shut down another day
It's closing time
So buy that last item and go away
And in our store of plenty
We can spread a smile of joy
But only if you buy
Before closing time
No need for prayers
They won't help you today
At closing time, leave
Come back another day
Store workers have a life outside
They really want you to know
That the longer you stay inside the store
Keeps them from being able to go
Oh when the clock begins to ring ten bells
They're the clanging chimes of doom
Oh, we're closing down the cash
Too bad for you!
Oh, there won't be debit terminals past closing time
The greatest gift will have to wait next day
When the front doors seal shut, you are stuck in a rut
Don't you know it's closing time right now?
Oh too bad, you can't purchase those army men
Oh too bad, we're only open until ten
Don't you know it's closing time right now?
Leave the store
Leave the store
Leave the store
Leave because it's closing time and
Leave the store
Leave because it's closing time

And, that is Part II of the songbook!  Are you interested in a Part III?  Please let me know!

And, do stay tuned for Day #13 of the calendar.  We have a special Christmas themed film to talk about!

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Marge Be Not Proud



Hello, there!  You have reached Day #11 in a series of twenty-five days of holiday goodness that I like to call THE POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR.  This also happens to be TUBE TALK THURSDAY, so we are going to be talking about a Christmas special of some sorts.

In fact, we'll actually be talking about a particular Christmas episode of a long running series.  Why I chose this one?  Well, of all of the holiday specials that this show has aired, I think this one has to be my favourite of the bunch.

I am going to open this entry up with a question.  Think back to your childhood for a moment.  Was there one item that you wanted for Christmas that you really wanted, and would have done almost anything to get?

I can easily tell you what mine was.  When the Super Nintendo was first released in 1990/1991, I was absolutely desperate to get my hands on one.  It was definitely the hottest video game console on the market, and having seen previews of "Super Mario World" on television, I knew that it was going to be the game to have.  Problem was that I had just purchased the original NES system with birthday money and tooth fairy money that I saved up for months, and my family didn't have the extra money to buy a new video game system when I had a perfectly good one to play with.

I had to settle for renting the Super Nintendo from the local convenience store and having the chance to play it for three days at a time (at that time, the store would let you rent the system and two games for a period of three days for ten bucks).  And, you know, as much as I hate to admit it, there was a part of me that really wanted to not bring the system back after the three day period.  I could have made up a story about how it malfunctioned or that it stopped working in a freak accident, and somehow would have found a way to keep it.  But you know, I never could have gone through with it.  For one, I was ten, eleven years old, and I knew that I never would have gotten away with it.  But for another, I would have disappointed my family if I gained possession of a game system through unethical means, and I didn't want that.  It would take some time, but I eventually did get a Super Nintendo as a Christmas gift a couple of years after it was released.  And you know what?  Waiting for it made me appreciate it a lot more.

That said, I am sure that we all have had that one toy or game that we really wanted to have, and I am sure that some of us have contemplated a bunch of different ways that we would get our hands on said item.  And, while some of us might have the temptation to get the item by stealing it, most of us are strong enough to reject the temptation.

But what happens when the temptation becomes too great and you get into a situation where you're caught stealing that item?  Would it be worth it then?



Well, Bart Simpson learned that lesson the hard way in The Simpsons.  In particular, the seventh season episode "Marge Be Not Proud", which originally aired on December 17, 1995.

Now, granted, Bart Simpson has never really been the poster child for angelic behaviour.  Prior to this episode, he injured Principal Skinner's mother with a cherry bomb, blew up a chemistry lab, assisted in cutting off the head of statue of the town founder, and got temporarily expelled from school for causing Groundskeeper Willie's lawn mower to run over Superintendent Chalmers!



And, certainly Bart has stolen before.  I still remember the time he stole Homer's change jar which set the stage for an underwear clad Homer chasing Bart around the house in that throwback to Indiana Jones.

But in this episode, Bart does something that some would consider unthinkable.  And Bart realizes after he gets busted that he hasn't only hurt himself, but someone who he loves very much.



The scene goes like this.  Bart wants the latest video game on the market.  It's a Mortal Kombat rip-off called "Bonestorm".  Problem is, the game costs over seventy bucks (which admittedly has not changed that much in nineteen years, as "Grand Theft Auto V" costs $69.96 at the store I work at).  And cost aside, Marge simply doesn't feel that a ten-year-old boy should be playing violent video games like "Bonestorm", and instead should be playing video games that teach kids how to play golf. 

In the B-plot of the series, Marge is also despondent that the Simpsons have never been able to take a decent holiday portrait because Bart keeps ruining it, and Marge is determined to have the best family picture ever.  I can't imagine where this B-plot is going.



Meanwhile, Bart tries everything to get his hands on the Bonestorm game, but to no avail.  He finds himself at a Walmart-like store called the "Try-N-Save", where he is drawn to the video game section of the store, drooling over a copy of Bonestorm.  And thanks to the negligence of the store worker there, the case is left open so that Bart has easy access to the game.  Bart cannot resist temptation, swipes a copy of Bonestorm, hides it under his jacket, and leaves the store...only to get caught by security guard Don Brodka (voiced by Lawrence Tierney).  Brodka warns Bart that if he ever sets foot in the Try-N-Save store again, he will make sure that Bart goes to juvenile hall.  Certainly Bart is scared straight, and is determined to never go near the store again.

It's just too bad that Marge has booked the family portrait to be taken at the same Try-N-Save store that Bart only shoplifted from just days before!  Naturally, Bart tries to do everything to get out of it, but Marge guilts him into going.  And once they arrive at the store, Bart begins to get extremely nervous.  But his method of thinking is, take the picture and run.

Unfortunately, Brodka catches up with Bart and violently grabs him just as the picture is being shot, leading to this...interesting photo opportunity.



Marge demands to know what the big idea is, and Brodka shows Marge the security tape of Bart taking the Bonestorm game, causing Marge's heart to break in two and Bart shoveling in an entire helping of humble pie.

Of course, when the family gets back home, Bart starts to notice that his mother becomes cold and distant with him.  She refuses to sing him a song before bed, will not put marshmallows in his hot cocoa, and she even builds snowmen with the whole family while Bart is over at Milhouse's place arguing over a cup and ball.  It becomes clear that Bart has really hurt his mother's feelings, and he makes a huge decision to try and fix things.

Unfortunately, while Marge and Lisa are spraying fake snow all over their Christmas tree, Bart comes home with something hidden in his jacket, leading Marge to jump to the wrong conclusion.  And after Marge angrily confronts Bart and asks him to show her what he's taken this time, he shows her this.



Apparently Bart went back to the Try-N-Save, and got the photographer to snap a picture of him in a special frame.  The best part of the frame?  A receipt that reads "PAID IN FULL".

Bart decided that since his carelessness and selfishness ruined the portrait that Marge really wanted that Bart would try to make up for it by taking another photo - a good photo - to fix it.  And the receipt was proof that he saved his pennies and bought it himself.

Well, naturally, this leads Marge to tears, and she forgives Bart, which makes Bart feel a lot better.  And Marge even gives Bart a present early - the golfing game that Marge was told that all the kids were into - which Bart accepts.

Certainly, this was a great episode of "The Simpsons".  Again, it is one of the better Christmas episodes.  It shows how one small decision can cause a lot of pain, and how wrong stealing really is.  And here's the interesting part of the story.  The writer of this episode, Mike Scully, wrote this script based on an experience that he had shoplifting from a store and getting caught.  The experience scared him straight and he vowed not to do it again.  So, in a way, when you see Bart, you're really seeing Mike Scully.

Though, I don't think that Scully was shoplifting a Bonestorm game.

Anyway, that's all for Day #11.  I have no idea what I will be talking about for Day #12, but I am sure that I will come up with a good topic.  In the meantime, have a great day...and if you're in my neck of the woods, stay safe.  There's a lot of snow on the ground!