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Monday, February 16, 2015

The Dirty Baker's Dozen - Wacky Police Reports

Say, have any of you ever looked in the newspaper to read those little blurbs known as police reports?  Not all newspapers publish them, but those that do make a list of all of the times that police were called on the scene of a potential crime and what time they happened.  In most cases, the crimes are petty in nature, such as a stolen bicycle, or someone being pulled over for speeding.

I know the hometown newspaper that I grew up with used to actually name intoxicated drivers that were nabbed in town, and printed their names in the newspaper!

Well, sometimes police reports don't always get it right.  Either the criminal act is something legal, the person calling the police does so to complain, or the way the report is written by the officers themselves, it makes you wonder if they are sane enough to even patrol the city streets.

And that's what this blog is all about today.  I've scourged the web for funny police reports, and I've found a baker's dozen of reports that will make you go "HUH?!?"

Credit for images goes to 11 Points, ebaumsworld.com, Pinterest, and oddee.com.

Okay.  Here we go!



1.  For some reason, I hear the Beatles singing "Help" as I read this report.  Help, I need somebody, Help, not just anybody...



2.  Look at that.  Arresting someone for doing their job.  I suppose that they'll go after the ice cream man for selling unknown substances!



3.  I think that this woman has bigger problems to worry about - unless this took place in Colorado, that is.



4.  How big do they make the burritos at Walmart?!?



5.  I have heard that one of the instructors at said school is named Sarah Connor.



6.  Don't you just hate when that happens?  Fortunately, I learned how to set the time on a VCR at the age of eight.  And really, with DVD and Blu-Ray players on the market, setting the time on a VCR is becoming a lost art.



7.  Something tells me that this lady just received a rude awakening...



8.  Something more exciting than the police having an elk-human dictionary?  That a group of elk is called a gaggle!  I've heard of a gaggle of geese, but never a gaggle of elk!  I'll have to remember that one!



9.  Well, if the cat was an ocelot or a siberian tiger, that would be a good reason...



10.  Ducks - A lot tougher than you think.



11.  Just what kind of preservatives do Swanson pot pies have nowadays that would grant them the ability to walk?



12.  You know, things like that really slip your mind when things get stressful.



13.  A QUARTER!!!  NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

The Videography of Madonna - Top 10

I have to say that I am always fascinated by the longevity that some artists seem to have regarding the music industry.  In an industry which can churn out one album wonders and one hit wonders, I am absolutely impressed at artists who managed to have a career lasting 10, 20, 30, even 40 years in the ever-changing world of music.

So, I thought that for today's blog entry, we would celebrate one artist whose career has spanned a total of thirty-three years!  She's had hits in the 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, and 2010s.

And coming up in March 2015, she is set to release her thirteenth studio album.

It's no secret that Madonna has been at the top of the pop music pyramid for quite some time, and whether you love her or loathe her, you have to admit that she's managed to find staying power where so many others have not.



Over the course of her career, Madonna has released twelve studio albums (her thirteenth album, "Rebel Heart" is set for release on March 10, 2015), three greatest hits albums, several soundtrack albums, two documentaries, ten concert videos, and sixty-seven music videos!

And, that's what we're going to talk about today.  The music videos of Madonna.

Ever since Madonna released her self-titled debut album in 1982, she made her music noticeable by creating video masterpieces that have earned her several MTV Video Music Awards.  And I am old enough to remember when people were absolutely excited over the prospect of a new Madonna video, as again, whether you loved her or loathed her, you have to admit that she's a creative genius when it comes to planning the perfect music video.

But which ones were her best ones?  Which ones were the most memorable?

Well, that's a really hard question to answer, but I decide to take on the challenge.  In the spirit of Madonna's upcoming album, I chose what I think are Madonna's best ten videos.  You can feel free to agree or disagree with my picks if you like, but I'd like to hear your own thoughts on the subject.

(Oh, and just to keep the blog PG, I've eliminated the three videos that were banned from MTV - 1990's "Justify My Love", 1992's "Erotica", and 2001's "What It Feels Like For A Girl".  Not that I find myself offended by them in the slightest.  I just don't want to take any chances.  It's just as well anyway, since none of those videos made my top 10 anyway.)

(And, some of these videos may not be available to watch online, so I'll post links to the song instead.)

Okay, here we go with #10.



10.  BEDTIME STORY
Released:  February 13, 1995
From:  Bedtime Stories (1994)
Director:  Mark Romanek

The only reason I ranked this video so low is because this isn't really my favourite Madonna song.  But this single (in which Bjork is credited as a co-writer) has one very complex and astonishing video that tells all of us that "words are useless, especially sentences."

Uh, yeah.  Maybe just ignore that for a second.

Anyway, this video cost over $5 million to make, and beginning in 1996, it was featured in an exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City.

Again, the song is quite weird, and the video even more so.  But it did turn out fantastic.  So that's why it's on my list at #10.



9. RAY OF LIGHT
Released:  May 6, 1998
From:  Ray of Light (1998)
Director:  Jonas Akerlund

I have to admit, the whole "Ray of Light" album was a departure from Madonna's pop tart infused past...but pleasantly so.  The whole album - likely sparked by the birth of Madonna's first child, Lourdes - showcased a more mature Madonna who used her newfound association with Kabbalah to create an album that won a lot of critical acclaim and earned her a lot of respect in the process.

I chose this video as #9 because the song is infectious, and because the video is quite brilliant in its simplicity.  I normally don't like videos that use green-screen technology, but in this video showing a 24 hour day in four and a half minutes, it works.



8.  GET TOGETHER
Released:  June 6, 2006
From:  Confessions on a Dance Floor (2005)
Director:  Logan

This is the most recent Madonna video on my Top 10 list, and there's a bit of a story behind the creation of this video.  The plan was for Madonna to film a video, but as the single was released during the time that Madonna was on tour, there was no time to put a video together.  Enter directing/animation team Logan.  They took video recorded from a Madonna performance in London and animated it to look kind of like that film "A Scanner Darkly".  It's very Daft Punk like.  And, I have to admit.  I like this video a lot.



7.  MUSIC
Released:  August 21, 2000
From:  Music (2000)
Director:  Jonas Akerlund

I suppose Madonna was quite impressed by Jonas Akerlund's work enough to work with him again in this music video, and really, there's a lot going on in this video despite the fact that when this video was filmed, Madonna was heavily pregnant with second child, Rocco.  Hence the need to include an animated sequence in the video.  However, the animated sequence provided a nice little retrospective of Madonna's past.  Get a look at the street signs on each of the buildings.  Do any of them look familiar to you?

And, hey, get a load of the cameo that Sacha Baron Cohen makes as Ali G!  If anything, this video helped get Cohen some attention in the United States.

So, hey, I suppose if you wanted to blame someone for "Borat", you could indirectly blame Madonna.



6.  MATERIAL GIRL
Released:  November 30, 1984
From:  Like a Virgin (1984)
Director:  Mary Lambert

This is not the first video that Madonna worked on with Mary Lambert, and it certainly would not be the last.  What makes this video work is the irony that is displayed within the video.  Madonna sings about being a material girl in her throwback to Marilyn Monroe music video, but when the cameras are off, she doesn't get impressed by expensive gifts.  And Keith Carradine manages to impress Madonna by giving her daisies and taking her out in an old pick-up truck.  The twist?  He pays a fortune to rent the truck, proving that we really do live in a material world.

But that's okay.  The video is playful and funny.  And reportedly a song that Madonna absolutely regrets recording today!



5.  PAPA DON'T PREACH
Released:  June 11, 1986
From:  True Blue (1986)
Director:  James Foley

James Foley directed the videos for the first three singles from Madonna's "True Blue" album, and this video is my #5 pick of best Madonna videos of all time.  It's certainly a powerful song, but also very controversial.  You see, the subject deals with teen pregnancy, and Madonna (who is 27 in this video) gets pregnant by her boyfriend because "Italians Do It Better".  Or something like that.  She and her boyfriend plan on getting married and raising the baby together, but one obstacle stands in her way - Papa Danny Aiello.

The song certainly divided audiences and the content of the song caused the Vatican to boycott Madonna after she dedicated the song to Pope John Paul II!  Nevertheless, the video tells a concrete story from start to finish, and during a time in which some videos made no sense whatsoever, this video was refreshing.



4.  BAD GIRL
Released:  February 22, 1993
From:  Erotica (1992)
Director:  David Fincher

I'll come right out and say it.  David Fincher has probably made some of the best videos that Madonna has ever done.  We're at #4, and I have two more videos directed by him on this list. 

So, why did I put "Bad Girl" - a song that flopped on the Billboard charts - so high on the list?  Well, I absolutely love videos that tell a story, and this video depicts the tragic life of a woman who drifts from man to man while dealing with an addiction to cigarettes and alcohol.  It certainly is one of the more depressing videos she has done, but the cinematography that Fincher uses throughout the whole video makes it a masterpiece to behold.

And, hey, Christopher Walken is Madonna's guardian angel!  Enough said.



3.  EXPRESS YOURSELF
Released:  May 9, 1989
From:  Like a Prayer (1989)
Director:  David Fincher

I think that if I had to pick just one Madonna album to listen to over and over again, it would be "Like a Prayer".  At the time, it was Madonna's most personal album, and the track listing was arranged in such a way that you never really knew what you were going to get.

Such as this single about empowerment and not settling for second best.  Considering that this single was released just months after divorcing Sean Penn, this single could have been Madonna's new anthem.

And this video - based on the 1928 film "Metropolis" - was eye candy right from the very beginning.  Three black cats, half a dozen costume changes, and a controversial shot of Madonna chained to a bed certainly had everyone talking.  And it was the most expensive music video of the 1980s, costing five million dollars...which she likely got from...oh, well, let's hold onto that thought for a minute.



2.  VOGUE
Released:  March 20, 1990
From:  I'm Breathless (1990)
Director:  David Fincher

This could be one of Madonna's signature hits.  She performed this song at every concert since the Blond Ambition tour, she performed it at the Super Bowl in 2012, and it hit #1 in practically half of the planet in May 1990.

I think part of it comes from the fact that the video was a black and white celebration of old school Hollywood, combined with the modern 1980s/1990s dance style known as "voguing".

(Which to me is basically pretending to be a mime stuck in a box moving in perfect time to the music, but I digress.)

Interesting fact.  The song was originally a B-side to Madonna single "Keep It Together", but record executives felt it too good to be a B side, so the single was added to the "Dick Tracy" soundtrack, which starred both Madonna and Warren Beatty.  Interestingly enough, both of them embarked on a passionate love affair during the filming of the movie.

Sadly, none of the sixteen celebrities that Madonna name drops in the song are alive.  The last of the bunch, Lauren Bacall, died in August of last year.



1.  LIKE A PRAYER
Released:  March 3, 1989
From:  Like a Prayer (1989)
Director:  Mary Lambert

Yeah, remember how I said that "Express Yourself" was the most expensive music video of the 1980s, and how we wondered how Madonna got the five million bucks to pay for it?  Well, Madonna inked a deal with Pepsi back in 1989 which saw Madonna make a television commercial for Pepsi while promoting her newest single "Like a Prayer" which earned her five million bucks.

The commercial was pulled after the video for "Like a Prayer" was released, probably because of the religious imagery that is featured in the video, and Madonna dancing in front of burning crosses, and other things that got people riled up.  However, I list this video as my favourite Madonna video because it got people talking, and it actually delivers a powerful message dealing with racism and doing the right thing.  Seriously, just watch the video in its entirety and make your own mind up.  I think it's creative artistry at its finest, and this video was powerful, yet crystal clear in the message it delivered.

So, that's my list.  What's yours?

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Lady and the Tramp

Happy fourteenth of February, everyone!

(Otherwise known as Valentine's Day.)

Okay, okay.  I promised I would be optimistic about Valentine's Day, and so I've made a special Valentine themed logo just for today.



How do you like it?

This also happens to be the conclusion of the special pop culture themed week with a Valentine's Day twist, and for the finale of love week, I thought I'd choose a movie that celebrates true love.

But what movie do I choose?  Even though I'm no longer an electronics sales associate, I do know that when I did work there, there was no shortage of romance films.  Heck, "Fifty Shades of Grey" was just released yesterday at the box office, which I am sure has gotten the attention of a lot of people - specifically those who have read the book series.

Yeah, I don't think I'm ready to go THAT raunchy for a Saturday movie discussion.

In fact, I'll be totally honest with you.  I am not a huge fan of romance films.  I find most of them sappy, unbelievable melancholic, and predictable.  I would not make it through films like "The Fault In Our Stars", "If I Stay", "The Notebook", or "A Walk To Remember".  If anything, they'd be a good cure for insomnia for me.  Not my cup of tea.

But I suppose if there is one type of romance film that I could stomach, it's one where there's an underdog.  One that you want to see get the girl, the home, the dream job, and the new baby at the film's conclusion.  Someone who struggled their whole life to find a place where they could belong and succeeded in finding their happily ever after.  Those films I could get behind.  I think that's one of the reasons why I enjoyed "Shrek" so much.

In fact, I was thinking of a particular movie that would be absolutely perfect to watch on Valentine's Day, and one that seems to celebrate the underdog, so to speak.  And the best part?  It's a film that is suitable for all ages.  From age three to 103, if you like.

Yes, today's film is an animated movie produced by Walt Disney.  But it is such a classic film, and one that I could watch over and over.

And to think that the stars of this film are a couple of dogs.

Yes, this is the story of a cocker spaniel named Lady and a homeless mutt named Tramp.

(And, I suppose I should clarify, the movie refers to a tramp as being a vagabond, not a prostitute.)



Anyway, let's talk about "Lady and the Tramp", a film that was first released in theatres on June 22, 1955!  The fifteenth animated feature film in a long line of Disney animated features, this film is very much a poor boy meets rich girl tale - only with dogs as the main characters.  The story is a love story in which both Lady and Tramp become smitten with each other, and how both have major obstacles to face in order to be with the one they love.

Ah, but, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

All right, so the film is set long before the 1950s.  1909, to be exact.  Jim Dear surprises his wife Darling...

...wait.  That would make her name Darling Dear.  Oh dear.

Ahem.  Anyway, Jim surprises his Darling with a beautiful Christmas morning present.  A lovable cocker spaniel named Lady.  And, not once do we ever see Jim or Darling take Lady outside to do her business, so she must be well trained!

Lady is treated like a...well, lady, by the Darlings, and she grown up having a very happy life.  That is until something happens and Lady begins to grow a little bit insecure.

You see, Jim and Darling decide to have a little bit of fun one night (not seen in the movie, of course), and the next thing you know, they are expecting a new baby.  And Lady isn't sure that having a new baby come into the family is such a good idea.  She talks to her friends Trusty and Jock about the situation and they try to talk to her about it.  However, a stray dog named Tramp happens to wander into Lady's yard, and offers up his opinion that "when the baby moves in, the dog moves out", which naturally angers Jock and Trusty, and causes Lady to doubt her place in the world even more.

It is a relief when the baby is born because Lady befriends the child and they become quite fond of each other.  But another challenge presents itself with Jim and Darling deciding that they need a vacation.  They call in Aunt Sarah to watch Lady and the new baby, and let's just say it's fairly obvious that Aunt Sarah lacks people skills.  And what she lacks in understanding people, she lacks even more in understanding animals.

Really, the only animals that Aunt Sarah likes are her two Siamese cats named Si and Am - my nomination for two of the most annoying characters to ever appear in a Disney movie.



Though, I do admit.  Peggy Lee did a fantastic job with the song "We Are Siamese".

Anyway, even though Si and Am are responsible for the damages inside the Darling home, Aunt Sarah blames Lady, and decides to punish her by buying her a muzzle!  This proves too much for Lady, and she decides to run away to get away from the awful Aunt Sarah once and for all.

But Lady was...shall we say, sheltered, and she never really knew that there were any bad dogs in the world at all.  So when she happens to come across a pack of wild stray dogs, she is extremely frightened.

That is, until Tramp comes along and not only rescues her from the pack, but enlists the aid of a beaver to help remove Lady's muzzle.  From there, Tramp takes Lady on a tour of his world which includes dinner at an Italian restaurant and this classic scene.



Awwww...isn't that sweet!

However, no love story would be complete without conflict, and when Lady is caught by the dogcatcher and the other female dogs in the truck inform her that Tramp is...well...a tramp, Lady is heartbroken and refuses to see him again.  But when an evil creature breaks into the Darling family home, can Lady put aside her differences with Tramp and work together to save the baby from being harmed?

Well, I suppose the fact that a direct to video sequel was released in 2001 means that the resolution for Lady and Tramp was a good one.

Anyway, here's some trivia about this movie, and I was extremely shocked at #1 on this list!



1 - The spaghetti scene that defined "Lady and the Tramp"?  Walt Disney almost left that scene on the cutting room floor!  Thank goodness he changed his mind!

2 - The opening scene in which Darling opens up the hat box to find Lady inside was reportedly based on a real life incident in which Walt bought his wife a puppy after forgetting a dinner date with her!

3 - Peggy Lee's casting was really the first instance in a Disney film in which a "superstar" was cast.  As some know, Peggy Lee was a huge recording star who gave us the hit single "Fever".

4 - In the movie, Lady is supposed to be the same age as a human in their early 20's.  In real life, Barbara Luddy who voiced Lady, was almost 50.

5 - At the time of the film's release, it was the highest grossing Disney cartoon since "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs".

6 - Lee Millar plays the role of Jim Dear.  Lee's mother, Verna Felton, voiced Aunt Sarah.

7 - Originally, Tramp's name was supposed to be Homer.  Somehow, Lady and the Homer doesn't have that nice ring to it.  Sounds more like an episode title that the Simpsons would use!

8 - Si and Am were originally going to be called Nip and Tuck.

9 - Peggy Lee launched a lawsuit against Disney in 1988 for breach of contract, claiming that she still retained rights to the transcripts of the film.  The lawsuit was settled in 1991 with Lee walking away with $2.3 million!

10 - This was the first full-length animated movie to be made in widescreen format.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Friday, February 13, 2015

Valentine's Candy? Most Dandy!

Well, I've almost made it the entire week without being too negative about Valentine's Day.  I must be getting soft in my old age.

Or, maybe I just don't care to hold a negative attitude towards things any longer.  Yeah, I like that answer better.

Anyway, it's the day before Valentine's Day, but it's also the first FOODIE FRIDAY post that I've done in...oh...six months now?  I guess I just kind of lost interest in talking about food because I had such a limited supply of topics to choose from.

But since tomorrow is a day of love, I thought I would use this space to talk about some of the foods that one might enjoy best around this time of year.

Specifically, Valentine's Day candy.

Certainly, the candy industry is huge right around this time of year.  Did you know that approximately 48% of all gifts purchased for Valentine's Day include some form of candy?  And that approximately $1.1 billion will be spent on Valentine's Day chocolates and candy this year?  That's a lot of cavities!



And keep in mind that not all candies are limited to the ones found in heart-shaped boxes.  Here are five different candies that one might be given on Valentine's Day.  I know that whenever we had Valentine's Day parties at school, I sampled most of these at one point.  Some were delicious, others not so much.  But you couldn't have Valentine's Day without them.



CINNAMON HEARTS

Okay, let me start by saying that I am not a fan of cinnamon.  I am not a really big fan of hot foods to begin with, but something about cinnamon hearts makes me want to be in close proximity to a water fountain. 

That said, I can make an exception for Valentine's Day.  I can probably eat a couple of them here and there, but I would definitely not gorge on them.  I don't really want to go around with my mouth on fire, even though cinnamon is just as good of a breath freshener as peppermint (which I like a lot better).

Yeah, that's something I want to invent.  Peppermint hearts.  They could be like cinnamon hearts, only white in colour.  Make it happen, candy companies all over the world!  Make it happen.



CONVERSATION HEARTS

Really, the only candy I dislike more than cinnamon hearts are conversation hearts.  At first glance, they look good enough to eat.  They come in an assortment of pastel colours and they have all sorts of really neat messages on them from "BE MINE" to "I LOVE YOU" to "YOU BROKE MY HEART YOU IGNORANT BASTARD".

(Actually, I made that last one up.)

Certainly if you want to send a message to the one you love, conversation hearts are a fine method to express that love.  If anything, I even think that there are places out there that you could design your own messages.

It's just too bad that the majority of conversation hearts taste like an antacid tablet.  Total chalky mess!  The only ones that I could even stomach are the ones made by SweeTarts. 

And speaking of which...



GUMMY CANDY HEARTS

I have always been a huge fan of gummy candies, and just in time for Valentine's Day, they have entire tubs of gummy candies available for sale.  Of course, some are cinnamon flavoured (which I try to avoid), but some are a delicious cherry flavour, which I absolutely love.  Some are of the same consistency as a gummy bear, while others are more like a gumdrop, but regardless, either one is fine with me.



HERSHEY AND REESE CHOCOLATES

For the record, when it comes to chocolate I am not very fussy.  I can handle the really expensive stuff, and I can handle the stuff you might find on sale at Dollar Tree.  To me, chocolate is chocolate is chocolate. 

And certainly some of the names that you see on display during Valentine's Day would be Hershey and Reese.  Of course, Hershey has the market cornered on holiday confectionaries.  After all, there's a Hershey's kiss for every single holiday on the calendar, and Valentine's Day is no exception.  Where else can you find bags of Hershey's Kisses in red and white wrapping?

(Well, aside from Christmas, anyway.)

But Hershey also makes a Valentine's version of their miniature chocolates as well.  And you can't have a Valentine's Day party without mini Reese Peanut Butter Cups.  Well, unless you're allergic to nuts, that is.



LINDOR CHOCOLATES

But, for an occasional treat, I have to say, Lindor chocolates are definitely very delicious indeed.  There's really not a flavour that I don't like of these delicious chocolates.  But they are really expensive.  A three pack costs almost two bucks!  But soooooooo worth it!

Of course...if one were to wait until February 15, all that candy would go on sale for 50% off...hmmmmm...

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Love, Bayside High Style

Okay, I know this is old news by now, but who caught the "Saved By The Bell" reunion on "The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon" a few days ago?



*raises hand*

And, who thought that it was the coolest thing ever?

*raises hand again*

And, who was more stunned that Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Tiffani Thiessen, Elizabeth Berkley, and Mario Lopez pretty much looked exactly the same in 2015 as they did back in 1990?!?

*raises hand exhuberantly*



Yeah, it was really cool to see five-sevenths of the original cast (including Dennis Haskins as Mr. Belding, but excluding Dustin Diamond and Lark Voorhies) come on the show to give Jimmy Fallon his dream of reuniting the "Saved By The Bell" cast.  All of us know that he's attempted a reunion with the cast for years, even settling for a "California Dreams" reunion when some cast members could not be reached.  So, I was happy for him to see it come true.

And, kudos to the set designers for building an exact replica of the Bayside High hallway (which I presume was disassembled in 1999 upon the ending of "Saved By The Bell: The New Class").  Really, the whole reunion segment turned out very well, and everyone who was a part of it should be very proud.

But you know, it's been over 20 years since the original series went off the air, and with Valentine's Day being a couple of days from now, I thought about all of the various couples that formed and broke up during the course of the show.  And it gave me the idea for a post.

Mind you, this post is just based on opinion, but I look at all the characters of "Saved By The Bell", and I wonder who each character's perfect match should be and who they ended up with.


Let's begin with the star of the show, shall we?



Now, many people automatically assume that Zack Morris is the player of the show.  The guy who can get any girl he wants before he can freeze time with his "Time Out" gesture.  And certainly, Zack has had his pick of women at Bayside High.  But, here's the thing about Zack.  When he finally "goes steady" with someone, he is fiercely loyal to them.  I suppose I can understand how he ended up marrying Kelly at the end of the original series because Kelly is more or less the same way.  Zack and Kelly could basically represent the poster children for monogamy (well, aside from the time that Kelly cheated on Zack with that sleazy manager of The Max, but no fan of the show really likes to talk about that moment.)



But, here's an unpopular opinion.  I get that Zack and Kelly were endgame.  They were pretty much edited that way since "Saved By The Bell" debuted on NBC in 1989.  However, I thought that Zack had more chemistry with his next-door neighbour Jessie Spano.

I mean, think about it.  Jessie and Zack have supposedly known each other since they were little kids, and Zack and Jessie trust each other enough to enter each other's bedrooms through their windows.  I don't see Kelly and Lisa climbing a tree to visit Zack, do you?  Screech, yes.  Kelly and Lisa, no.

And, whenever Zack screws up and gets all of his friends mad at him, Jessie is almost always the first one to forgive him.  And, who could forget the time when Zack helped Jessie get through her addiction to drugs?



(Well, okay, they were caffeine pills that had Jessie belting out old Pointer Sisters classics in a deranged manner, but still...)

I don't know...I guess there's a part of me that thought that Zack and Jessie were good together.



So, where does that leave Slater?  Well, Slater and Jessie were an on-again, off-again couple, much like Zack and Kelly were.  But I could believe that Zack and Kelly really cared about each other.  Slater and Jessie just seemed to be randomly thrown together, and although Mario Lopez and Elizabeth Berkley worked well together and are obviously really close...I just didn't really buy the Slater and Jessie relationship.  I know they say that opposites attract, but Slater and Jessie were just too opposite.  It was like Slater was peanut butter and Jessie was ketchup.



Now, Slater and Kelly, on the other hand?  I could easily see them as a couple more so than Slater and Jessie.  After all, Slater and Kelly were both athletic, they were both average students, and they both had tons of school spirit.  On paper, Slater and Kelly seemed to work better than Slater and Jessie.  But, again, it's really all a moot point, as all four actors who played Zack, Jessie, Kelly, and Slater seem really close.

We all know that of all the people on "Saved By The Bell", one person seemed to be left out of the romance plots.  Someone really never had the chance to date anyone for more than one episode at a time.

Surprisingly, it isn't Screech.  We'll get to him a little later.



Can you remember Lisa dating anyone for more than one show?  I know I can't.  I know she kissed Zack once and this lead to Zack and Lisa embarking on a relationship, but we never really saw that unfold.

(Interestingly enough, Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Lark Voorhies were reportedly a couple for most of the show's run in real life!)

But really, Lisa was sort of relegated to gal pal on the show.  She could easily offer solutions to Kelly and Jessie's love life problems, but never really did anything about her own. 

Mind you, she was the target of affection for Screech, who basically did everything legally possible to get close to her without getting harassment charges placed against him.  Lisa was definitely a lot more patient with Screech than most women would be, that's for sure.  I mean, sure, deep down inside, Lisa adored Screech...but only as a friend.  A distant friend.  Nothing more, nothing less.



But how sad is it that Screech seemed to have more solid relationships with women than Lisa had with men?  I think it all began with Screech falling in love with Violet Bickerstaff - played memorably by Tori Spelling pre-90210.  Violet only appeared in a couple of episodes, but Screech was smitten with her for all of her appearances.  He even forgot about Lisa while he was dating her.  But then Violet moved to Beverly Hills, and Screech went right back to stalking Lisa.

The funny thing about Screech is that while he never really fell in love while he was a student at Bayside High, that changed when he became Mr. Belding's administrative assistant in "Saved By The Bell:  The New Class".  Let's see...he fell in love with the school nurse, the daughter of a country club member, a girl at a yogurt shop, a substitute teacher...wow, Screech was kind of a whore in the New Class episodes, wasn't he?



And yet, none of the New Class romances worked.  I think he was still mourning the fact that the one woman he loved most (Lisa) was the one woman he would never get.

Anyway, that's my take on love and romance on "Saved By The Bell".  What are your thoughts?

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Eternal Sunshine in the Single Mind

You know, it's been a really long time since I sat down and wrote an actual diary entry in this blog.

Okay, so granted, this whole blogging experiment which has lasted almost four years has been an ongoing work in progress to try and make sense of who I am, where I'm going, and who I want with me in my corner as I continue to learn more about this crazy little thing called life.

One of those things that I have learned is simple.  I don't really need anyone else to make me happy.  I find that if one really lets themselves feel it, they can make themselves happy.



As we approach Valentine's Day, that statement could not be more true.

February 11, 2015

You know, I remember the very moment I decided that I wanted to start writing every single thing that I was thinking about at any given moment.

I remember the very thing that kicked off the beginning of "A Pop Culture Addict's Guide To Life".

I had just turned thirty years old, and I had just gotten over a potentially serious health scare.  It certainly was a very confusing time in my life, and a scary one as well.  But somehow, I knew that everything would turn out just fine.

Now that I am almost thirty-four, I think that life is finally beginning to make a lot more sense than it has ever been.  I think a huge part of that comes from some of the things that I have done over the course of the last four years.  I've changed jobs a few times, I've re-evaluated social circles, I've cut out people who could best be described as toxic, and I've really started to look at things in a more positive manner.

However, one constant that has always been evident is the fact that I've had to do all of these things alone.  I've never really had someone who I can really consider a "significant other", let alone a wife, partner, or better half.  I've basically been trucking along by myself.



And, I'll be honest.  There was a time in which I absolutely hated being single.  When everyone else was settling down and starting families, I have to admit, there were times in which I wanted that too.  I felt as though everyone else was moving on and I was getting left behind.  Believe me, it's a feeling that I know all too well.



I hate to say this now, but looking back on it, I did have a "why not me" attitude towards the world.  I wondered why everyone else seemed to get everything they wanted, and I had to settle for the scraps left over.  I felt like Little Oliver, holding the empty bowl at the counter, whimpering "Please, sir.  I want some more".

Not really the best attitude to go through life with, I concur.

I also believe that my extreme dislike for all things Valentine's Day stems from that attitude that I had.  The attitude that because everyone else is falling in love and I'm not, then I will take it out on Saint Valentine himself and become extremely cynical about hearts and flowers and teddy bears that sing Madonna's "Cherish" to you over and over.



That was then.  What about now?

To be honest, I'm okay with not having found "the one" yet.  I honestly don't know if there is a "one" in my lifetime.  But would it be the end of the world if I never find "the one"?  At this point in my life, I'm going to have to say no. 

Because even though there was a time in which I was upset that everyone else was hooking up, I know that back then, I was nowhere near ready both emotionally and financially to maintain a long-term relationship with anybody.  And, at nearly 34, I still don't feel that way.  I honestly don't think that I would - at this point in my life - make a good husband to any woman because I'm still trying to find out what I like best about me.  It has been a lifelong struggle for me my entire life, and it's still continuing.  And while I know that some people tell me that I need to put myself out more (they're right, by the way), I'm not comfortable with that just yet.  Things are starting to come together, and life is starting to make more sense as I embark on some new adventures and new challenges. 

But I need to feel 100% secure about myself and what I can bring to a relationship, because I don't think it would be fair to any woman embarking in a relationship with a man who is incredibly insecure about his own feelings and his own self.  I don't want to be absolutely perfect (nobody ever is, and perfection is boring anyway), but I do need to feel absolutely certain that I can bring the best of myself before I find someone else to share my life with me.

Until then, I'm happy being a single.  But let's clarify.  I mean single as in one body, not single as in those processed cheese slices that Kraft makes.  Although those slices can be great on burgers and the occasional club sandwich...

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

February 10, 1979

Welcome to another edition of the Tuesday Timeline!  And this week, I've decided that I would try to look at Valentine's Day with a smidgen bit more positivity than I have in past years. 

And when I say a smidgen, I mean just that.  A smidgen.  Let's put it this way.  I don't expect to be singing love songs at the top of my lungs, buying flowers for every single girl in the world, or filling my underwear drawer with silk boxer shorts with little red and pink hearts all over them.

However, I have been accused in the past of being almost as cranky as Grumpy Cat when it comes to Valentine's Day, and to be honest with you, being grumpy on a day about love isn't really worth it in the end.  So, that's why I'm trying - and believe me when I say it - to look at the day with a little more positivity.

And that's why for today's blog entry, I've chosen a subject that could very well fit in with the spirit of Valentine's Day.  It might be one that is incredibly cheesy in nature, but I imagine that for quite a few people, today's Tuesday Timeline topic played a role in their Valentine's Day celebrations of the past.

We do have some things to take care of first though as Valentine's Week continues.  Let's see what else happened on February 10...

1355 - Almost one hundred lose their lives in Oxford, England during the St. Scholastica's Day Riot

1840 - Queen Victoria marries Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha

1861 - Jefferson Davis is notified by telegram that he has been chosen as the President of the Confederate States of America

1870 - The YWCA is founded in New York City

1906 - The HMS Dreadnought is christened and launched by King Edward VII

1933 - Primo Carnera knocks out Ernie Schaff during a boxing match held at Madison Square Garden in the thirteenth round; Schaff would die of his injuries four days later

1942 - Glenn Miller becomes the first person to have a certified gold record for "Chattanooga Choo Choo"

1957 - "Little House on the Prairie" author Laura Ingalls Wilder dies at the age of 90

1971 - Carole King releases "Tapestry"

1978 - Van Halen releases their debut self-titled album

1981 - Eight die and another 198 are injured as fire breaks out at the Las Vegas Hilton Hotel and Casino

1996 - The IBM supercomputer "Deep Blue" defeats Garry Kasparov in chess for the first time

2000 - Actor Jim Varney dies of cancer at the age of 50

2001 - Actor Lewis Arquette dies at the age of 65

2014 - Actress/singer/ambassador Shirley Temple Black dies at the age of 85

And for celebrity birthdays, here are the famous faces turning one year older today; Leontyne Price, Robert Wagner, Roberta Flack, Adrienne Clarkson, Peter Purves, Harold Sylvester, Mark Spitz, Jim Cramer, Greg Norman, Alexander Payne, George Stephanopoulos, Lenny Dykstra, Glenn Beck, Laura Dern, Vince Gilligan, Elizabeth Banks, Scott Elrod, Keeley Hawes, Holly Willoughby, Jade Ramsey, Bunmi Mojekwu, Emma Roberts, Chloe Grace Moretz, and Tiffany Espensen.

So, what date are we going back in time to?  Well, how about the tail end of the decade that brought us discotheques, bell bottoms, and 8-track tapes?



Yeah.  How about February 10, 1979?  That sounds like a good date to visit.  Truth be told, I've been meaning to do a seventies style timeline entry for a while now.  For some reason, that decade seems to get serious neglect.

So, what do I remember about 1979?  Well, nothing.  I was minus two years old, after all.  But, judging by what I have heard about 1979, it seemed to be the year of disco music! 

Take a look at the #1 songs of 1979, if you will.  Now, towards the end of the year, we start seeing some rock songs appearing on the charts by The Knack, The Eagles, and Styx.  But get a load at the number of songs that are disco on the charts!  Of course, we all know that 1979 was the year in which people began to rebel against disco music and that may have lead to the sudden drop in disco fans.  I'd say that by 1981, disco was officially in the graveyard.

But 1979 could be considered the last hurrah of classic disco music.  After all, that year, it seemed as though almost everybody was taking their turn at releasing a disco album.

And believe me, I mean EVERYONE.

In fact, one singer - who previously was known for blues-oriented rock singles such as "Maggie May", "Tonight's The Night", and "Hot Legs", decided that he would jump on the disco bandwagon and release a single that was flavoured with a disco twist.

That gamble paid off, for it hit the #1 spot on the Billboard charts thirty-six years ago today.



ARTIST:  Rod Stewart
SONG:  Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?
ALBUM:  Blondes Have More Fun
DATE RELEASED:  November 10, 1978
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #1 for 4 weeks

Yes, Rod Stewart decided to do a disco album, simply because a lot of others were doing it too - and he became the subject of much backlash because of it.



I suppose that it didn't help much that people were beginning to tire of the disco scene in 1979, but many people saw Stewart's switch to disco as sacrilegious.  They couldn't believe that Stewart would "sell out" and they blasted him for it.  But, Rod Stewart was hardly the only one who tried recording disco music.  One could argue that Michael Jackson's 1979 album "Off The Wall" could be considered a disco album as well with singles like "Rock With You", and "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough".  Or, how about The Rolling Stones and their disco infused single "I Miss You"?  Certainly they made the disco theme work for them, and they ended up having huge hits. 

If anything, the song could actually be considered a parody of disco, as "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?" could easily be considered one of the cheesiest music videos ever made.  And, I've seen Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy"!

And certainly this sultry and sexy single by Rod Stewart was a huge hit, not just in the United States, but also in the United Kingdom, Canada, and Australia.  I can only imagine many people over the years spinning this track during a night of...well...you know.

But there's so much more to this song than just being an auditory aphrodisiac.  It's also a single that provided a benefit for children in third world countries!  All the royalties that this song has ever made were donated to the children's charity UNICEF!  Stewart himself performed this single at the January 1979 Music for UNICEF Concert.

I don't quite understand the link between raising money for children with a song asking someone else if they find them sexy, but whatever works, right?

Of course, this song did bring a lot of people onto the dance floor in their platform shoes and tube tops.  But it also brought about a little bit of controversy - not for the subject of the song, but for claims that Rod Stewart had committed copyright infringement while recording the single.  Brazilian musician Jorge Ben Jor made the claim that Stewart had used elements from his single "Taj Mahal" to create "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" without asking permission to do so.  And although the lawsuit was settled amicably, Stewart later revealed in his 2012 autobiography that he unconsciously plagiarized some parts of "Taj Mahal".

You know what?  You be the judge.  Below is Ben Jor's single "Taj Mahal" released six years before "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?".  Notice any similarities?



One final footnote to add before I close the book on another Tuesday Timeline entry.  In some countries, this single actually charted twice.  Once in 1979, of course.  But eighteen years later in 1997, British dance group N-Trance remixed the single and it charted once more in Australia and the UK.  It even topped the charts in New Zealand!  And we'll close off this look back with the remixed version by N-Trance.



A remixed version of a song that became a #1 hit thirty-six years ago today.