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Sunday, February 22, 2015

Sunday Morning Randomness

I will be the first one to admit that when it comes to getting gifts, the quirkier, the better.

As far as dollar amounts go, I don't really care how much is spent.  Well, actually, that's not quite true.  I don't want anyone to break the bank when it comes to gift giving.  I like things that are unique.  Some of those things you can buy at a dollar store, and some are things that money can't possibly buy.

In short, I am not a materialistic person.  Remember this for later.

Seriously, some of the greatest gifts that I have received have been of the knick-knack variety.  Gifts that I am certain that very few people have.  Gifts that show off my wacky and offbeat personality.

After all, I do have three different Rubik's cubes, seashells in a bottle of purple sand, a space shuttle ornament, and a calendar made out of Legos.  What can I say?  I like kitschy things.  Why, if that "Over Our Heads" store on "The Facts of Life" were still open, I reckon that half of the things in that shop would be displayed in my home today.

Like, have a look at this gift that I received this past Christmas.



Okay, so I imagine that some of you are fixated on the major spacing error in the text of the slot machine bank (believe me, I noticed it too).  But this slot machine bank really works.  You deposit your money in the top of the bank (it takes quarters, one dollar coins and two dollar coins), and you pull the lever.  If you get the right combination, you will hear a noise go off and coins will fly out the bottom of the bank.

It has a permanent spot on my dresser at home, and I wanted one the minute I saw it in a mail-order catalogue called "Bits and Pieces".  I think that was the catalogue where I got the infamous Lego calendar as well. 

But here's a bit of a twist.  Although I have a slot machine bank in my home, I've never played an actual slot machine in my life.



Come to think of it, I've never set foot inside of a casino ever.  Even though I've been over 21 for...oh...a baker's dozen years now, I have never really been stricken by the gambling bug.

In fact, I think that I would probably be the world's worst gambler in the world.



I know what most of the games in a casino are and how they're played.  Blackjack is easy.  You just have to get as close to the number twenty-one as possible without going over in an attempt to get a higher number than the dealer.  The odds aren't exactly great, but at least they're a lot better than those of Roulette.  Seriously, I don't know how anyone can play Roulette at all.  The odds of winning big are next to impossible.



Don't even get me started on Keno.  It's just a fancy way of playing Bingo...only without letters.  And, without forming a line.  Yeah, Keno is pointless.

Now, statistically speaking, the dice game known as Craps has the best odds for winning.  But it's not entirely foolproof either.  All you have to do is roll the wrong number and you can lose hundreds, or even thousands of dollars.

I understand that the rush of gambling is one that can't be described.  I suppose the idea of risking a small fortune playing a game in hopes of doubling, tripling, or even quadrupling your bet does get the adrenaline pumping.  I'll admit that I've played a few casino simulation video games over the years and have strangely gotten that same rush when pretending to bet money I didn't have on said video game.

However, there's a big difference between betting in a video game casino and betting in a real casino.  If you lose your shirt in the video game, all you have to do is reset the video game and try again.  In a real casino, you can get into debt really quickly.  And anyone who has ever been in deep debt knows how hard it can be to get out of it.

I suppose it's a good thing that I don't consider myself to have an addictive personality when it comes to gambling.  I would probably be bored inside of a casino, and to be perfect honest, I only play the lottery an average of four times a year.  And that number varies depending on the jackpot.  Usually, I only play when the jackpot is huge.


But for some people, gambling is a serious problem.  If you or someone you love has a gambling problem, please visit this website.

http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/

Saturday, February 21, 2015

I Have A Secret - And It Involves This Magazine...

Okay...so I've been keeping a bit of a secret from all of you.

Don't worry, it's nothing too serious.  I haven't killed anyone, gotten eloped, or have had reconstructive surgery.  My life isn't THAT colourful.

But I do want to tell you a bit of a story.



How many of you have heard of a magazine publication known as "The Digest Enthusiast"?  I'm guessing not a lot of you have.  It's okay.  Prior to three months ago, I really didn't know what it was either.  Turns out that it's a brand new series that was created by a group of fellow comic book fans, such as myself, celebrating the various digests that have come out over the last century.

And, certainly a lot of people have contributed to this magazine.  Have a look at the back cover where everyone is credited.



Isn't that cool?

Hey...wait a sec.  Zoom in on that list of contributors.



Wait a minute.  THAT'S ME!

Sigh.  I guess the cat's out of the bag.  Okay, here's the story.

Now, you all know that I have a major obsession with Archie Digests.  After all, I just wrote about Archie comics just a few days ago!  But I was also a member of various Archie themed groups over the years.  And one of them was one that I joined back in 2007.  I posted there quite frequently for six years before certain events took place and I became a bit disenchanted by it. 

So imagine my surprise when a man by the name of D. Blake Werts contacts me through the comments section of this blog asking me for a request.  I always love reading comments, and since he left his e-mail, I decided to drop him a line.  He asked me if I was interested in giving an interview for his magazine.  At first, I didn't know how he had even heard of me, and he explained that he came across the fan board that I used to visit, and had decided that since I seemed to be an expert on the Archie series, that I would be a great person to interview for the inaugural issue of "The Digest Enthusiast"

So, I agreed, and over the course of...oh...two and a half weeks, maybe...Blake and I sent each other e-mails where he would ask questions, and I would answer them.  It was a great experience, and I was thinking that it would be a fun thing to do.

So...as a special treat...here's that interview.  In full.  Just click on the images to make them bigger.  Enjoy!




And, I'm currently working on another project for the magazine as I type this now.  So stay tuned for more!  And do check out this magazine if you can find it.  The whole thing is fantastic!

Friday, February 20, 2015

Television Whodunnits

I know some of you probably might not be aware of this, but yesterday marked the thirtieth anniversary of the BBC dramatic series EastEnders.



On February 19, 1985, the serial debuted in the United Kingdom, and over the last thirty years, the show has certainly had its share of drama.  We've had several murders, a few fires and explosions, some sexual abuse storylines, a couple of incestuous storylines, a couple of stories involving the mob, rape, and a lady screaming her head off because there was bubbly in the fridge.



Sigh.  That never gets old.

Although I've only been a fan of the show since I started watching it during the 1999 dated episodes, I have quickly become a fan, and I have to admit that I get caught up in the lives of Phil Mitchell, Sharon Watts, Ian Beale, Dot Cotton, Pat Butcher, Kat Slater, and the other four hundred or so cast members who have called the fictional borough of Albert Square, E20 home.



Certainly the 30th anniversary episode was something special.  In a series of episodes in which part of the episodes were pre-recorded and other parts of the episodes were filmed live, we finally found out who murdered Lucy Beale after ten months of waiting.



Turns out that the culprit of the deed was Lucy's eleven-year-old half-brother, Bobby Beale, who bludgeoned her to death with a jewelry box that played music.  And Lucy's former stepmother Jane was an accessory of sorts, for she helped Bobby cover up the crime.

Reaction to the conclusion of the mystery have been mixed (and more people seemed interested in the sudden reappearance of once-thought dead Kathy Beale, who made a shock return on the February 19 episode), but ultimately, I think this opens up the possibility for dozens of storylines for years to come.  After all, Ian Beale - the father of both Lucy and Bobby - recently married Jane literally one half hour before the truth was revealed.

I have to say, I have always been a fan of the classic "Whodunnit" plots shown in television.  Having been a fan of murder mysteries for years and wanting to go to murder mystery dinner theatres and playing online detective games, I have to say that I think I missed my calling being a detective.

Though, given how I can't stand the sight of blood, I fear that my foray into forensics and police investigation would have been quite brief.

But over the years, there have been several whodunnits that have been presented on television.  Some have been on soap operas.  Some have been on primetime dramas.  Some have even been on reality shows.  But all of them were ones that I either remember watching, or watched later on in life after they aired.

And, for today's edition of the blog, I thought I would share some of these whodunnit stories with all of you.



WHO SHOT J.R.? - DALLAS

Okay, so this storyline aired in the spring of 1980 - a year before I was even born.  So, clearly I didn't get to see this story until the A&E network rebroadcast the series while I was in high school.  But certainly what made this "Dallas" storyline so good is the fact that so many people hated J.R. Ewing so much that it really could have been anyone who pulled the trigger!  Suspects included his long-suffering wife, Sue Ellen, his black sheep of a brother Bobby, his business rival Cliff Barnes, Cliff's daughter Pamela, and I'm pretty sure Miss Ellie was considered a suspect as well!

The real shooter wasn't revealed until the following season.  Turns out that it was Sue Ellen's sister, Kristen, who was dead by the spring of 1981 - found floating on the surface of a swimming pool.  Setting the stage for another whodunnit!



MURDER IN SMALL TOWN X

Now, here's a question that FOX asked back in the summer of 2001.  Could they find a way to combine a murder mystery with a reality format game show in which the winner solved a serial killer case and won a cash prize?

Yes.  Yes, there was.

I have to say, I was hooked on this show from day one.  When three members of the Flint family are murdered in the small seaside town of Sunrise, Maine, ten Americans come to the town to put together the clues of the murder, eliminate suspects, and try to prevent anyone else from getting killed off.  The trick is that periodically, the killer would kill off the investigators one by one using his "killer game" to knock people out of the competition.

The whole mystery unfolded beautifully, and the story made a lot of sense.  You could tell that they really worked hard on the plot.  Sadly, the winner of the game, Angel Juarbe, died on September 11, 2001 rescuing people from the World Trade Center.



WHO IS GORMOGON? - "BONES"

I make no secret in the fact that I am a fan of the FOX series "Bones".  And over the show's ten years on the air, we've seen several serial killers.  Howard Epps, Heather "The Gravedigger" Taffet, Christopher Pelant, and Stephanie McNamara all made an impact on the show based on how cold and calculating they were on the show.  I tell you, Christopher Pelant still gives me the creeps.  That's a credit to Andrew Leeds, who played him brilliantly.

But the one serial killer storyline that "Bones" shocked me the most with was the Gormogon storyline - mainly because the accomplice of the Gormogan was linked to one of Dr. Brennan's team of interns!

When Zack Addy was revealed to be the second banana of Gormogon, it was very shocking.  And even though it was revealed in season three, its impact is still felt in current "Bones" storylines today.

Have any other whodunnits you'd like to add in this list?

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Giving A Makeover To a 74-Year-Old Teenager

The year 2015 has been what I like to call "the year of changes".  And, so far, I've been holding on for the ride the last month and a half as I prepare to make some huge moves in my life.  And I'll be perfectly honest with you, the direction has not always been easy, but I'm more or less willing to handle whatever comes my way.

That being said, I'm having a hard time with this one.

Okay, so you guys know that I'm a fan of Archie comics.  I have been since I was five years old.  I probably will continue to be one until I am 105 - if I am lucky enough to see the year 2086, that is.

And, over the course of Archie's seventy-four years in the publishing business, the company has gone through at least 74 different interpretations of what Archie and his pals and gals are like.  But regardless of how they have changed over the last three-quarters of a century, one thing that has always remained constant is the light, fluffy cartoonish look that Archie, Betty, Veronica, Jughead, and Reggie have had.

Well, until now, that is.

The flagship Archie title that has been in publication since 1942 is about to run its FINAL issue.  Issue #666 is slated to be the final one.

(Um...anyone else find it weird that they would choose to end the title at number 666?  Isn't that the death number, or devil number?)

But then again, I suppose that it is only fitting.

Now, does this mean that after issue #666 is released in May that there will be no more Archie comics ever?  Nope.

You see, the Archie title will restart back at issue #1 with a brand new look.  Have a sneak preview.



So, not only are the characters getting a brand new look that is supposed to look more realistic, but apparently the whole series is getting rebooted and the origins of each of the characters will be changing completely.

And, I'm not sure that I'm ready for that to happen.

After being a fan of the series for 28 years, I've seen a lot happen to the comic books and the characters, and while some changes were received better than others, there was always the constant that we could go back and see classic Archie stories whenever we wanted because we knew that they were still being drawn.

I just don't like the idea of fixing things that weren't broken, and I hope that this idea isn't too jarring.  I suppose that I'll have to wait until I see the change for myself.  My subscription to Archie was supposed to end at #670, so maybe I'll get the first four issues of the new Archie title after #666 is published.



Again, some changes have been well received.  The current "Afterlife With Archie" series which is basically Archie comics meets "The Walking Dead" has been critically acclaimed, and after reading the first seven issues of the series, I am officially hooked. 



I also was hooked on the "Life With Archie" series of 2010 which showed an adult Archie getting married to either Betty or Veronica.  Even when they killed off Archie at the end of the series, I still wasn't bummed out about it, because Archie continued to live on in the digests and double digests.



(I should note that the digests are NOT changing.  They will, as far as I know, continue the classic Archie style.)



Now, this doesn't mean that I've been gung-ho about all of Archie's changes over the years.  The "New Look" that appeared in digests between 2007 and 2010 had mixed reviews, but I didn't mind it too much.



Jughead may be my favourite character, but his spin-off series "Jughead's Diner" was one of the worst titles ever seen in the Archie universe.

(Though I did like Jughead's Time Police.)



The idea to bring on an openly gay character in the Archie universe was a controversial topic for months, but I think it's safe to say that Kevin Keller has found his place in Riverdale and is here to stay.



The New Archies showed Archie and his friends in junior high.  The cartoon series was laughably bad, but the comics themselves were great.



As for the New Little Archie in 1991?  No.  Just no.

I don't know about this new Archie.  I'll just have to keep my eyes open and reserve judgment until I see it for myself.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

No Such Thing As "Luck"

February 18, 2015



At this moment, I think I've been the most content that I have felt in a long time. 

Granted, there is still a lot more work to do before I am completely satisfied with life - and even so, is there really anyone who is 100% satisfied with their lives at this moment?  Probably not.  Maybe 91.5% at the most, but never a hundred per cent.

But I must say that things are going really great.  I'm loving my new job, I have people in my life who really believe in me, and who are supportive of me, and I think I've smiled more within the last month than I have the whole of 2014!

I definitely don't want to jinx myself here, but I think I'm on the fast track to becoming me again.  And that's a really great feeling.

I suppose it's kind of ironic given that the year in which I finally feel happiness is the year in which we have the most possible Friday the 13th's in it!



Not that I am a superstitious man by any means, but if you're phobic about Friday the 13th, this year is not a good one for you.  There are three of them in 2015 alone...we had one in February, and we can expect there to be two more in March and November.

(Interestingly enough, the year that I was born in also had three Friday the 13th's.)

Again, I'm not a superstitious man by any means, but there's something that we have in my family that might make the world believe that we are crazy and/or paranoid.

You see, we have something that is widely believed to be known as "Turcotte Luck".  And Turcotte luck is ALL BAD.

Let's put it this way.  If any of us get to go on a vacation, we never seem to have any fun.  The planes get delayed, or the car breaks down.  The weather is bad every day of the trip except for the day we leave.  And more often than not, we all end up getting sick while on vacation.  This has happened to both of my siblings at some point in their lives.

But hey.  That's Turcotte luck for you.

Also, whenever we plan something out in great detail, something happens that causes the whole thing to become a disaster.  If we're invited to go to a wedding, leave it to someone to get lost on the way, or forget the wedding present, or throw up in the car on the way to the reception, or smear chocolate mousse all over the very expensive rented tuxedo you were wearing.

(One of those things actually happened to me.  Want to take a stab as to which one it is?)

Even our holidays could be considered less than perfect.  Thanksgiving this year was more or less cancelled because of my mom being in and out of hospital during the whole month of October (thankfully, she is doing a lot better now), and Christmas was almost a disaster because of bad weather that almost knocked out our power.  Thankfully, we had lots of candles and flashlights available so that if we had to, we could have light.  Of course, Christmas dinner would have been a complete loss.

You see what I mean?  The "Turcotte Luck" seems more like a curse.  And every single member of the family seems to have been affected by it.

Well, that is...if you believe in luck in the first place.  I tend not to.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, and while we may not understand why that may be the case, it's important to know that even a so-called "Family curse" can teach us a lot of lessons.

In the case of missing Thanksgiving because my mother was sick, it made all of us appreciate her a lot more, and I think that the whole thing brought our family closer together.  That's a good thing.

I thought that getting moved from department to department was bad luck at first...but maybe I needed it so that I could find my groove and start to see things more positively. 

And, hey...maybe there's a method to getting sick on Vacation.  Maybe it's meant for us to appreciate what we have at home...even though getting sick on vacation is always a bad thing.

The truth is...I don't believe there is Turcotte Luck at all.  I believe in taking challenges that come our way and making the best of them.


I didn't always feel this way...but then again, I haven't felt this content in a long time either.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

February 17, 2013

I have to be honest, today was a day in which I found it difficult to choose a topic for today's Tuesday Timeline.  A lot of things did happen on February 17, but nothing really stood out.  In fact, the one topic that I did know a lot about was one that had a melancholic ending.

So, apologies in advance if the topic for today's Tuesday Timeline is a little bit depressing.  It was really all I could come up with at the spur of the moment.

Okay, so let's see what other things happened on February 17 before we get to the main event.

1600 - Philosopher Giordano Bruno is burned alive for heresy

1819 - The United States House of Representatives passes the Missouri Compromise for the first time

1864 - The H.L. Hunley becomes the first submarine to sink a warship - The USS Housatonic

1865 - Confederate forces flee from advancing Union forces as Columbia, South Carolina burns to the ground in the final stages of the American Revolutionary War

1904 - In Milan, Italy, "Madama Butterfly" debuts at La Scala

1913 - The Armory Show opens in New York City

1933 - Prohibition ends in the United States with the passing of the Blaine Act

1937 - Actress and former Miss America Mary Ann Mobley (d. 2014) is born in Brandon, Mississippi

1940 - Singer-songwriter Gene Pitney (d. 2006) is born in Hartford, Connecticut

1959 - Project Vanguard:  Vanguard 2 - the first weather satellite - is launched

1968 - The Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame opens in Springfield, Massachusetts

1972 - Sales of the Volkswagen Beetle begin to exceed sales of the Ford Model-T

1974 - A stolen helicopter piloted by Robert K. Preston buzzes the White House

1980 - The first ever ascent of Mount Everest during the winter months is made by Krzysztof Wielicki and Leszek Cichy

2006 - Singer-songwriter Billy Cowsill dies at the age of 58 in Calgary, Alberta

2008 - Kosovo declares independence as the Republic of Kosovo

And for celebrity birthdays, we have the following people that are turning one year older today.  Happy birthday to Hal Holbrook, Patricia Routledge, Bobby Lewis, Barry (Dame Edna) Humphries, Christina Pickles, Martha Henry, Yvonne Romain, Julia McKenzie, Brenda Fricker, Dodie Stevens, Rene Russo, Richard Karn, Loreena McKennitt, Douglas Urbanski, Lou Diamond Phillips, Larry the Cable Guy, Michael Jordan, Rene Syler, Michael Bay, Samuel Bayer, Luc Robitaille, Chante Moore, Tuesday Knight, Dominic Purcell, Cynthia Cleese, Denise Richards, Billie Joe Armstrong, Ralphie May, Jerry O'Connell, Erin Cardillo, Jason Ritter, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Paris Hilton, Anne Curtis, Chord Overstreet, Ed Sheeran, and Bonnie Wright.

Now, certainly any of those celebrities could be a perfect subject for a blog.  After all, we have a basketball player, a couple of comedians, a few musical artists, and a woman who happens to be named after a particular weeknight.

The reason why I decided to choose this date (despite its depressing nature) is simple.  I want to showcase the subject of addiction, and how it can destroy lives.



Just as it did with one person on February 17, 2013 - the date of today's Tuesday Timeline.

The sad thing is that her career started off so brilliantly.  In the mid 1990s, she exploded onto the country music scene seemingly out of nowhere and had a top selling album along with a few singles.  And even though I'm not a country music fan by any means, I don't deny that she had talent and a certain Southern charm.



So, where did it all go wrong for country singer Mindy McCready?

It seemed as though she had her whole life ahead of her when she moved to Nashville, Tennessee at the age of eighteen with dreams of becoming the next Reba McEntire or Patty Loveless.  Instead, it was cut short on February 17, 2013 at the age of 37.

The cause of death?  Suicide.

How did everything go so wrong for the "Ten Thousand Angels" singer?  Well, we probably should start at the very beginning to when Mindy first began singing.

That'd be right around the time she arrived in Nashville in 1994.  After a few months, she was signed to a recording contract for under the BNA Records label.  Her debut album, "Ten Thousand Angels" was released at the end of April, 1996.  And one of the biggest hits from that album was this single which topped the country charts in September 1996.



ARTIST:  Mindy McCready
SONG:  Guys Do It All The Time
ALBUM:  Ten Thousand Angels
DATE RELEASED:  July 15, 1996
PEAK POSITION ON THE COUNTRY CHARTS:  #1 for 1 week

She also scored hits with the album's title track, and "A Girl's Gotta Do (What a Girl's Gotta Do", and the album itself went double platinum.  That's quite good, especially for a debut!  Mindy's second album, 1997's "If I Don't Stay The Night" also did well in the country scene, reaching gold status.



It seemed as though 1997 would be a good year for McCready.  Not only was she doing well with her singing career, but she had also become engaged to Dean Cain.



However, by the time she released her third album in 1999, things began to spin out of control for McCready.  Her engagement had ended, and her songs were not charting as high as her previously released singles.  In fact, her 1999 album "I'm Not So Tough" only sold 144,000 copies.  The weak sales of the album prompted BNA Records to drop McCready from their roster, and she was left to find another label.  She signed on with Capitol Records in the early 2000s and released her fourth album with Capitol in 2002.  But once again, poor record sales caused Capitol to terminate their contract with her just one year later.

With her professional life becoming unraveled, it didn't seem to take long for her personal life to also spin out of control.  Her relationship with Billy McKnight ended in 2005 after he was arrested and charged with attempted murder after reportedly choking McCready during an altercation.  She would later attempt suicide later that year and was hospitalized due to a drug overdose.  The couple briefly got back together and McCready gave birth to her first child in 2006.  But McCready would have two more suicide attempts between 2005 and 2008, and she was arrested several times between 2005 and 2008 on charges ranging from driving under the influence to battery.  And, certainly her problems with the law lead to her seeking treatment for her demons, which included a stint on the television show "Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab".

Ultimately, I think that show did her more harm than good.  On a personal note, I've never really cared for Dr. Drew's methods of televising the struggles of patients undergoing rehab, and the fact that so many people who appeared on that show ended up dying of drug overdoses and other drug related illnesses just proves my point that exploiting the real struggles that drug addicts go through is never a good thing.



I will say this.  By the time the 2010s rolled around, it appeared as though Mindy McCready had turned her life around - or so we thought.  She had released her first new album in eight years - the rather hauntingly named "I'm Still Here".  She had found love again with record producer David Wilson, and she had given birth to a second child in April 2012.

Sadly, on January 13, 2013, Wilson took his own life, shooting himself at McCready's home.  It is believed that the death of Wilson was likely the event that caused McCready to follow suit by taking her own life on February 17, 2013 in the same exact place where Wilson had killed himself.  The family dog was also found dead.

McCready was just 37 years old.

Thankfully, the children were nowhere near the scene of the suicide.  They had been in foster care for some time and were not home when McCready took her own life. 

I know that people say that suicide is a selfish way to die, and in many ways, they aren't wrong.  McCready's two children will now have to grow up without their mother (and father in the case of the youngest child), and their lives are forever changed.  But at the same time, as someone who has had thoughts of suicide before, I sort of understand where her head was at when she made that decision.  In the matter of a short time, her whole world fell apart, and she already had issues coping with stressful situations based on her prior arrests and substance abuse problems.  It's terrible that she felt that she couldn't fix what was broken and she felt that suicide was the only option.  But it's also terrible that she didn't really have a huge support system helping her deal.  And it's disgusting that her personal problems were broadcast to the world via a cheap and exploitive reality show, as if she were some sort of circus freak.

Either way, for Mindy McCready to go from Nashville sweetheart to living in despair...it's a tough pill for anyone to swallow. 

Monday, February 16, 2015

The Dirty Baker's Dozen - Wacky Police Reports

Say, have any of you ever looked in the newspaper to read those little blurbs known as police reports?  Not all newspapers publish them, but those that do make a list of all of the times that police were called on the scene of a potential crime and what time they happened.  In most cases, the crimes are petty in nature, such as a stolen bicycle, or someone being pulled over for speeding.

I know the hometown newspaper that I grew up with used to actually name intoxicated drivers that were nabbed in town, and printed their names in the newspaper!

Well, sometimes police reports don't always get it right.  Either the criminal act is something legal, the person calling the police does so to complain, or the way the report is written by the officers themselves, it makes you wonder if they are sane enough to even patrol the city streets.

And that's what this blog is all about today.  I've scourged the web for funny police reports, and I've found a baker's dozen of reports that will make you go "HUH?!?"

Credit for images goes to 11 Points, ebaumsworld.com, Pinterest, and oddee.com.

Okay.  Here we go!



1.  For some reason, I hear the Beatles singing "Help" as I read this report.  Help, I need somebody, Help, not just anybody...



2.  Look at that.  Arresting someone for doing their job.  I suppose that they'll go after the ice cream man for selling unknown substances!



3.  I think that this woman has bigger problems to worry about - unless this took place in Colorado, that is.



4.  How big do they make the burritos at Walmart?!?



5.  I have heard that one of the instructors at said school is named Sarah Connor.



6.  Don't you just hate when that happens?  Fortunately, I learned how to set the time on a VCR at the age of eight.  And really, with DVD and Blu-Ray players on the market, setting the time on a VCR is becoming a lost art.



7.  Something tells me that this lady just received a rude awakening...



8.  Something more exciting than the police having an elk-human dictionary?  That a group of elk is called a gaggle!  I've heard of a gaggle of geese, but never a gaggle of elk!  I'll have to remember that one!



9.  Well, if the cat was an ocelot or a siberian tiger, that would be a good reason...



10.  Ducks - A lot tougher than you think.



11.  Just what kind of preservatives do Swanson pot pies have nowadays that would grant them the ability to walk?



12.  You know, things like that really slip your mind when things get stressful.



13.  A QUARTER!!!  NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

The Videography of Madonna - Top 10

I have to say that I am always fascinated by the longevity that some artists seem to have regarding the music industry.  In an industry which can churn out one album wonders and one hit wonders, I am absolutely impressed at artists who managed to have a career lasting 10, 20, 30, even 40 years in the ever-changing world of music.

So, I thought that for today's blog entry, we would celebrate one artist whose career has spanned a total of thirty-three years!  She's had hits in the 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, and 2010s.

And coming up in March 2015, she is set to release her thirteenth studio album.

It's no secret that Madonna has been at the top of the pop music pyramid for quite some time, and whether you love her or loathe her, you have to admit that she's managed to find staying power where so many others have not.



Over the course of her career, Madonna has released twelve studio albums (her thirteenth album, "Rebel Heart" is set for release on March 10, 2015), three greatest hits albums, several soundtrack albums, two documentaries, ten concert videos, and sixty-seven music videos!

And, that's what we're going to talk about today.  The music videos of Madonna.

Ever since Madonna released her self-titled debut album in 1982, she made her music noticeable by creating video masterpieces that have earned her several MTV Video Music Awards.  And I am old enough to remember when people were absolutely excited over the prospect of a new Madonna video, as again, whether you loved her or loathed her, you have to admit that she's a creative genius when it comes to planning the perfect music video.

But which ones were her best ones?  Which ones were the most memorable?

Well, that's a really hard question to answer, but I decide to take on the challenge.  In the spirit of Madonna's upcoming album, I chose what I think are Madonna's best ten videos.  You can feel free to agree or disagree with my picks if you like, but I'd like to hear your own thoughts on the subject.

(Oh, and just to keep the blog PG, I've eliminated the three videos that were banned from MTV - 1990's "Justify My Love", 1992's "Erotica", and 2001's "What It Feels Like For A Girl".  Not that I find myself offended by them in the slightest.  I just don't want to take any chances.  It's just as well anyway, since none of those videos made my top 10 anyway.)

(And, some of these videos may not be available to watch online, so I'll post links to the song instead.)

Okay, here we go with #10.



10.  BEDTIME STORY
Released:  February 13, 1995
From:  Bedtime Stories (1994)
Director:  Mark Romanek

The only reason I ranked this video so low is because this isn't really my favourite Madonna song.  But this single (in which Bjork is credited as a co-writer) has one very complex and astonishing video that tells all of us that "words are useless, especially sentences."

Uh, yeah.  Maybe just ignore that for a second.

Anyway, this video cost over $5 million to make, and beginning in 1996, it was featured in an exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City.

Again, the song is quite weird, and the video even more so.  But it did turn out fantastic.  So that's why it's on my list at #10.



9. RAY OF LIGHT
Released:  May 6, 1998
From:  Ray of Light (1998)
Director:  Jonas Akerlund

I have to admit, the whole "Ray of Light" album was a departure from Madonna's pop tart infused past...but pleasantly so.  The whole album - likely sparked by the birth of Madonna's first child, Lourdes - showcased a more mature Madonna who used her newfound association with Kabbalah to create an album that won a lot of critical acclaim and earned her a lot of respect in the process.

I chose this video as #9 because the song is infectious, and because the video is quite brilliant in its simplicity.  I normally don't like videos that use green-screen technology, but in this video showing a 24 hour day in four and a half minutes, it works.



8.  GET TOGETHER
Released:  June 6, 2006
From:  Confessions on a Dance Floor (2005)
Director:  Logan

This is the most recent Madonna video on my Top 10 list, and there's a bit of a story behind the creation of this video.  The plan was for Madonna to film a video, but as the single was released during the time that Madonna was on tour, there was no time to put a video together.  Enter directing/animation team Logan.  They took video recorded from a Madonna performance in London and animated it to look kind of like that film "A Scanner Darkly".  It's very Daft Punk like.  And, I have to admit.  I like this video a lot.



7.  MUSIC
Released:  August 21, 2000
From:  Music (2000)
Director:  Jonas Akerlund

I suppose Madonna was quite impressed by Jonas Akerlund's work enough to work with him again in this music video, and really, there's a lot going on in this video despite the fact that when this video was filmed, Madonna was heavily pregnant with second child, Rocco.  Hence the need to include an animated sequence in the video.  However, the animated sequence provided a nice little retrospective of Madonna's past.  Get a look at the street signs on each of the buildings.  Do any of them look familiar to you?

And, hey, get a load of the cameo that Sacha Baron Cohen makes as Ali G!  If anything, this video helped get Cohen some attention in the United States.

So, hey, I suppose if you wanted to blame someone for "Borat", you could indirectly blame Madonna.



6.  MATERIAL GIRL
Released:  November 30, 1984
From:  Like a Virgin (1984)
Director:  Mary Lambert

This is not the first video that Madonna worked on with Mary Lambert, and it certainly would not be the last.  What makes this video work is the irony that is displayed within the video.  Madonna sings about being a material girl in her throwback to Marilyn Monroe music video, but when the cameras are off, she doesn't get impressed by expensive gifts.  And Keith Carradine manages to impress Madonna by giving her daisies and taking her out in an old pick-up truck.  The twist?  He pays a fortune to rent the truck, proving that we really do live in a material world.

But that's okay.  The video is playful and funny.  And reportedly a song that Madonna absolutely regrets recording today!



5.  PAPA DON'T PREACH
Released:  June 11, 1986
From:  True Blue (1986)
Director:  James Foley

James Foley directed the videos for the first three singles from Madonna's "True Blue" album, and this video is my #5 pick of best Madonna videos of all time.  It's certainly a powerful song, but also very controversial.  You see, the subject deals with teen pregnancy, and Madonna (who is 27 in this video) gets pregnant by her boyfriend because "Italians Do It Better".  Or something like that.  She and her boyfriend plan on getting married and raising the baby together, but one obstacle stands in her way - Papa Danny Aiello.

The song certainly divided audiences and the content of the song caused the Vatican to boycott Madonna after she dedicated the song to Pope John Paul II!  Nevertheless, the video tells a concrete story from start to finish, and during a time in which some videos made no sense whatsoever, this video was refreshing.



4.  BAD GIRL
Released:  February 22, 1993
From:  Erotica (1992)
Director:  David Fincher

I'll come right out and say it.  David Fincher has probably made some of the best videos that Madonna has ever done.  We're at #4, and I have two more videos directed by him on this list. 

So, why did I put "Bad Girl" - a song that flopped on the Billboard charts - so high on the list?  Well, I absolutely love videos that tell a story, and this video depicts the tragic life of a woman who drifts from man to man while dealing with an addiction to cigarettes and alcohol.  It certainly is one of the more depressing videos she has done, but the cinematography that Fincher uses throughout the whole video makes it a masterpiece to behold.

And, hey, Christopher Walken is Madonna's guardian angel!  Enough said.



3.  EXPRESS YOURSELF
Released:  May 9, 1989
From:  Like a Prayer (1989)
Director:  David Fincher

I think that if I had to pick just one Madonna album to listen to over and over again, it would be "Like a Prayer".  At the time, it was Madonna's most personal album, and the track listing was arranged in such a way that you never really knew what you were going to get.

Such as this single about empowerment and not settling for second best.  Considering that this single was released just months after divorcing Sean Penn, this single could have been Madonna's new anthem.

And this video - based on the 1928 film "Metropolis" - was eye candy right from the very beginning.  Three black cats, half a dozen costume changes, and a controversial shot of Madonna chained to a bed certainly had everyone talking.  And it was the most expensive music video of the 1980s, costing five million dollars...which she likely got from...oh, well, let's hold onto that thought for a minute.



2.  VOGUE
Released:  March 20, 1990
From:  I'm Breathless (1990)
Director:  David Fincher

This could be one of Madonna's signature hits.  She performed this song at every concert since the Blond Ambition tour, she performed it at the Super Bowl in 2012, and it hit #1 in practically half of the planet in May 1990.

I think part of it comes from the fact that the video was a black and white celebration of old school Hollywood, combined with the modern 1980s/1990s dance style known as "voguing".

(Which to me is basically pretending to be a mime stuck in a box moving in perfect time to the music, but I digress.)

Interesting fact.  The song was originally a B-side to Madonna single "Keep It Together", but record executives felt it too good to be a B side, so the single was added to the "Dick Tracy" soundtrack, which starred both Madonna and Warren Beatty.  Interestingly enough, both of them embarked on a passionate love affair during the filming of the movie.

Sadly, none of the sixteen celebrities that Madonna name drops in the song are alive.  The last of the bunch, Lauren Bacall, died in August of last year.



1.  LIKE A PRAYER
Released:  March 3, 1989
From:  Like a Prayer (1989)
Director:  Mary Lambert

Yeah, remember how I said that "Express Yourself" was the most expensive music video of the 1980s, and how we wondered how Madonna got the five million bucks to pay for it?  Well, Madonna inked a deal with Pepsi back in 1989 which saw Madonna make a television commercial for Pepsi while promoting her newest single "Like a Prayer" which earned her five million bucks.

The commercial was pulled after the video for "Like a Prayer" was released, probably because of the religious imagery that is featured in the video, and Madonna dancing in front of burning crosses, and other things that got people riled up.  However, I list this video as my favourite Madonna video because it got people talking, and it actually delivers a powerful message dealing with racism and doing the right thing.  Seriously, just watch the video in its entirety and make your own mind up.  I think it's creative artistry at its finest, and this video was powerful, yet crystal clear in the message it delivered.

So, that's my list.  What's yours?