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Thursday, March 19, 2015

Real Life Wacky Packages!

A few months ago, I wrote a blog about Wacky Packages.  You remember?  Those stickers that featured MAD Magazine style spoofs on some of your favourite household products and turned them into wacky products that one would likely never use in their real homes.

Well, this might surprise some of you, but believe it or not there are some real life Wacky Packages out there in this world.

Seriously, just type in the words "funny food packaging" on Google and you will come up with dozens of examples of food products that look amazingly like those classic Wacky Packages cards that kids used to collect and trade.

Here's the kicker.  These products are 100% real.

Now, some of them are just mistakes in translation.  A lot of the examples that I found happen to be from overseas (specifically Asia), and they are probably delicious products on the inside, but the packaging just makes them the worst things ever created - even worse than some of the dishes prepared on "Hell's Kitchen"!

And some of them are just as bad as they sound.

I've scourged the Internet for examples of these in action (giving credit to pixgood, powderfulengalish, funnypictures, boredpanda, deadstate, crazyhyena and newslinq for the images presented in this post), and I have found twelve examples of REAL LIFE WACKY PACKAGES!

Get ready to be grossed out!



1.  I can't say that my own grandmother tasted like Black Raspberry homemade jam...but who knows?  Maybe somewhere out there are fruit flavoured grandmothers.  Not that I am willing to conduct any research on that.



2.  I wonder what kind of recipe goes into making "Soup for Sluts"?



3.  You know, of all the things that the manufacturers of this pasta could have named this dish after, why would they go with boobs?  I can't say I've ever seen any that look like THAT!



4.  Um...yeah...I think I'm gonna pass on that one.



5.  Oh, yeah...nothing says hydration and energy quite like a nice dose o' booty sweat...



6.  Who the heck came up with this name?!?  Is it because the tea smells like a urinal cake?



7.  Anyone want to take a stab at how much nutrisweet they add to this stuff to make it "diet" water?



8.  Those are either the most complicated spoons I have ever seen, or someone at one of the Walmart processing plants fell asleep at the assembly line.



9.  I'm only assuming that this is a knockoff of the Mars bar.  But seriously, we had seven other planets that could have been selected for a name!  Why pick the controversially named one?



10.  So, basically, that can contains air.  Good to know.




11.  I don't know what is worse.  The fact that this is for butt massages, or the fact that Paula Deen is endorsing it.




12.  Say it with me folks.  EWWWWWWWW!!!  

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

THROW YOUR COFFEE CUPS AWAY!!!

March 18, 2015

You know, it's been a while since I've done a bit of a rant in this space.  In recent weeks, I've felt no need to do such a thing as I've been more or less satisfied with...oh...79% of the way life is right now.

(We won't discuss the other 21% of Life.  That still needs attention.)

But you know, I don't make this rant on behalf of just myself...but for all of my fellow retail workers.  The cashiers, the floor workers, the overnight crew, and the maintenance crew who work hard each day.  This blog post is for all of you.

You see, there are some things about my own retail experiences that I find minor inconveniences, but I have learned not to let them bother me.  Well, bother me MUCH, that is.  Really, there's no point in stressing out about things that you cannot change.  Trust me, that is a lesson that I have had to learn the hard way.

But here's the deal.  There is one thing that really "grinds my gears", as Peter Griffin is apt to say on "Family Guy".  Something that I see happen every day I come into work that makes me really shake my head in disbelief.

In fact, I have photographic evidence of this.  Have a look.



So, yeah...I don't think that's where you put a discarded drink container.  I mean, the first thing that randomly pops through my head when I'm shopping for $10 DVD's is "oh, I have finished my drink, and I don't know what to do with the cup.  Whatever should I do?  Oh, I know!  Let's put it in the movies...who is going to know anyway?"

Well, I'll tell you who knows.  WE KNOW.  And you know who ends up having to take care of them?  WE DO!

And the sad thing is, I probably dispose of at least eight of these every shift.  So, given that I work a five day work week with eight hours in each shift, that works out to...oh...thirty-two cups a week, or a cup an hour.  Oh, and don't think it's limited to just soda containers.  They also include coffee cups, juice bottles, wrappers from Big Macs, and even a half melted ice cream cone.

Yes.  You read that correctly.  A half melted ice cream cone that melted all over a display of paint rollers.  You don't even want to know what a mess that was to clean up. 

Now, I suppose that it's easy enough to accidentally leave behind a coffee cup and completely forget all about it.  It is entirely possible to do.  But having to dispose of several cups at a time - especially cups that have already had the rim rolled up in hopes of winning the "Roll Up The Rim To Win" contest - yeah, that's inexcusable.



You see this?  That is what we call a garbage can.  And in any store that is a significant size, you can find several of these available all over the place.  In fact, in the area I work at, we actually have a trash can right next to our paint mixer.  It is extremely easy to spot!

In other words, THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO LEAVE YOUR GARBAGE ON THE SHELF!!!

Truth be told, maybe this is the old-fashioned traditionalist in me speaking here, but I wish we could go back to a time in which food and beverages are banned from places of business.  Unfortunately, this is the time in which food courts in shopping malls are getting bigger, and department stores are adding sit down restaurants into their floor plans, so I don't see that happening any time soon.

But as far as solving the problem?  I honestly only have one idea.  I wish we could charge people with some sort of coffee cup disposal fee, where if someone ditches a coffee cup on a random shelf instead of in a garbage can, we should have the right to charge people a percentage of the price of what they paid for their beverage.  Then all the money that gets collected gets split up among all the employees that were working that day.  I bet if you had to do that, you'd rethink randomly dropping empty cups all over the store.

So, to cap this blog entry off...THROW YOUR GARBAGE IN A CAN!!!

Thank you.  Rant over.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

March 17, 1990

Top o' the mornin' to ye!  Where's me Lucky Charms?

Yes, if you haven't figured it out, today is St. Patrick's Day...the day in which everyone in the world becomes a little more Irish, where people dance jigs in the streets, and where people guzzle back pitchers of green beer as if there is no tomorrow.

Well, okay.  I will NOT be drinking green beer.  I'm just getting over the stomach flu.  Besides, I work later on tonight.  It just isn't going to happen.

What IS going to happen is that we're going to do a very special St. Patrick's Day themed Tuesday Timeline.  And, my goal for this week's entry is to do a blog on an Irish themed morsel of pop culture.

I believe I have succeeded.  In fact, I have some good news for those of you who have expressed a desire for me to come up with more recent pop culture references...this entry will be one of those times.

So, I've provided you with a couple of clues in regards to this week's topic.  The subject matter is Irish, and he is relatively current.  Now let's take a look at some of the other events that took place on St. Patrick's Day over the years...

45 BC - Julius Caesar defeats the Pompeian forces of Titus Labienus and Pompey the Younger in the Battle of Munda

1776 - British forces evacuate Boston effectively ending the Siege of Boston

1842 - The Relief Society of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is formed

1891 - SS Utopia collides with HMS Anton in the Bay of Gibraltal and sinks; 562 passengers lose their lives

1941 - The National Gallery of Art officially opens in Washington D.C.

1942 - The first Jews from the Lvov Ghetto are gassed at the Belzec death camp

1948 - The Treaty of Brussels is signed by Benelux, the UK, and France

1950 - University of California researchers announce the creation of "californium", the 98th element of the periodic table of elements

1960 - Dwight D. Eisenhower signs the National Security Council directive on the anti-Cuban covert action program, preceding the "Bay of Pigs" invasion

1961 - Actress/activist Dana Reeve (d. 2006) is born in Teaneck, New Jersey

1963 - 1,100 people are killed in Bali after Mount Agung erupts

1969 - Golda Meir becomes the first female Prime Minister of Israel - also on this date, fashion designer Alexander McQueen (d. 2010) is born

1973 - The photograph "Burst of Joy" is taken - not only does it symbolize the end of American involvement in the Vietnam War, but it also wins a Pulitzer Prize

1992 - A referendum to end apartheid in South Africa is passed, with nearly 69% voting in favour

1993 - Actress Helen Hayes passes away at the age of 92

2002 - Actress Rosetta LeNoire passes away at the age of 90

2011 - Actor Michael Gough dies at the age of 94

2013 - The largest meteorite - since NASA began observing them - hit the surface of the moon

2014 - Irish singer Paddy McGuigan dies at the age of 74

And for celebrity birthdays, these celebrities must have been born underneath a four-leaf clover or two!  Happy birthday to Patty Maloney, Ken Mattingly, Jim Weatherly, Pattie Boyd, Cito Gaston, John Sebastian, Patrick Duffy, Daniel Lavoie, Craig Ramsay, Kurt Russell, Lesley-Anne Down, Mark Boone Junior, Paul Overstreet, Gary Sinise, Rory McGrath, Christian Clemenson, Rebeca Arthur, Arye Gross, Vicki Lewis, Casey Siesmaszko, Rob Lowe, Jeremy Sheffield, Billy Corgan, Mathew St. Patrick, Gene Ween, Melissa Auf der Mar, Mia Hamm, Caroline Corr, Amelia Heinle, Marisa Coughlan, Natalie Zea, Brittany and Cynthia Daniel, Tamar Braxton, Coco Austin, Miles Kane, Olesya Rulin, and Rob Kardashian.

Okay, so let's see what date we have to work with this time around.



Ah.  March 17, 1990.  That takes us back 25 years.  But wait...didn't I just say that the date was linked to a recent event?

Oh, silly me.  March 17, 1990 is the birthdate of our Tuesday Timeline spotlight this time around.  So, we've already established that this person is turning 25.  But what has this person done that warrants me writing a blog about him?

Well, for one, he was born in Ireland.  Bray, County Wicklow, Ireland, to be exact.  And his claim to fame?  I would think that this video will explain all.



ARTIST:  Hozier
SONG:  Take Me To Church
ALBUM:  Hozier
DATE RELEASED:  September 13, 2013
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #2

Ah, yes, "Take Me To Church".  A very powerful song that clearly displays Hozier's own frustration with the Catholic church's stance on homosexuality.  A song with a video clip that could not showcase that message more hauntingly.  But we'll get to that discussion a little later.



Right now, let's take a minute to wish the composer of this song a very happy birthday!  Happy birthday to Andrew Hozier-Byrne - otherwise known as Hozier.  And though he hasn't been on the music scene all that long, I have a feeling that he's more than made an impact.  Already considered one of the breakout artists of 2014, Hozier's breakthrough single was "Take Me To Church", a song which topped the charts in twelve countries, went triple platinum in the United States, and which was nominated for a Grammy Award in 2015 for Song of the Year.  Unfortunately, Hozier lost the award to Sam Smith.

(Though he shouldn't feel too bad.  A lot of artists lost to Sam Smith in 2015!)

Anyway, one thing that you should probably know about Hozier was that success didn't exactly come to him overnight.  He briefly attended Trinity College in Dublin where he studied music, but dropped out after a few months to free time up for recording demos for record companies.  He was also a member of the Irish choral group Anuna for four years.  During that time, he had the opportunity to perform with the group internationally, singing in The Netherlands and Norway.

But "Take Me To Church" was definitely Hozier's biggest break - and would you believe that he wrote and recorded the song in his family's attic?  It would take some time for the single to be noticed, but in 2013, an independent record label that went by the name of Rubyworks took interest in the single.  Record producer Rob Kirwan later stepped in and added live instruments over the original demo that Hozier had recorded, making it the musical masterpiece it became.

TRIVIA:  Before the musical instrument supplements were added, only two musicians were credited with the creation of the single - Hozier and Fiachra Kinder, who played drums.

The music video was also produced independently, with the video directed by Conal Thompson and Brendan Canty who worked for independent production company Feel Good Lost.  The video was posted on YouTube in September 2013, with Hozier expecting at least a few people to respond.

Well, that video went viral just weeks after it was posted, and the surprising success of the video and how many times it was shared on social media prompted a bidding war between record companies, wishing to sign Hozier to a proper recording contract.  Eventually, Hozier signed to Columbia Records in early 2014, and his self-titled debut album was released worldwide on September 19, 2014 - one year and six days after "Take Me To Church" was first released.



Since then, Hozier continues to make a name for himself in the world of music, having released five singles between 2013 and 2015.  His latest single "Work Song" was just released yesterday, and is already climbing Irish charts.  Time will only tell whether it will have an impact on the United States or Canada.



But given how he almost won a Grammy Award, capped off with a fantastic performance alongside Annie Lennox at the show just one month ago...I think it's safe to say that Hozier's career has only just begun.

Happy 25th, Hozier!

Monday, March 16, 2015

Write On!

I'm still feeling a little bit under the weather, so enjoy this flashback edition of the blog with a piece written four years ago while I continue to recover from the stomach flu.  Thanks for understanding, everyone.


I don't think I could possibly imagine a world without writing.
Writing for me is not only a skill that I'm proud to have learned. It's been so much more than that. It's artistic. It's empowering. It's therapeutic. It's sexy!

No, seriously. Women who know how to write turn me on. Women who know how to write well turn me on more.

But, enough about my tastes.

I couldn't imagine my life without being able to write. When I was younger, I always demanded to have a box of 64 crayons, or a package of PaperMate pens, or even a bundle of No. 2 pencils on hand at all times. I also went to Walmart (or Woolco as it was known as prior to 1994) practically every other week to buy a package of lined paper (the one that had 250 sheets in it). As long as I had paper and some sort of writing utensil, I was one happy kid.

Oh, but I very rarely drew pictures of things. Sure, when I could get into the mood, I could do arts and crafts projects. Not as well as DaVinci, Picasso, or that guy from the UK show "Art Attack" mind you, but it was presentable. Instead, I chose to use my paper and crayons to draw my own storybooks. Whereas most kids spent long summer afternoons swimming at St. Lawrence park or riding their bikes to the ice cream stand, I was just as content lying on my bedroom floor or sitting on the back porch, writing down everything that went through my mind, whether it made sense or not.

I enjoyed writing way before I decided to improve my penmanship. As a result, had some of my earliest writings survived, you'd probably have a difficult time reading it. But, hey, nobody said that a four year old was ever going to win a Pulitzer prize for literature anyways.

So, why was I so into writing from such an early age? It could be for a number of reasons. I was always interested in words and books and reading, and naturally, a love for writing likely originated from that. I had a really vivid and somewhat overactive mind when I was a kid, and I guess my parents subconsciously decided that keeping me stocked up in office supplies was a good option compared to some of the other brattier things I used to do (a.k.a. taking things from my older sisters and destroying them).
Although...come to think of it, that didn't really work either because when I ran out of paper, I'd grab my favourite purple pencil crayon and write on the walls...

I think the main reason why I fell in love with writing so much is very similar to the reason why I haven't given up my other childhood hobby of collecting comic books.

Writing was an escape.

Whenever I was feeling terrible about how things were going, or whenever I felt like I had nobody to talk to, all I had to do was grab a pen and paper and just write about it. Sometimes, I'd write about me having fun somewhere else other than where I was, or in some rare cases, I'd create friends to hang out with. Because in my crazy world of writing, anything was possible.

And, anything could be possible. With writing, I have the power of millions of words that when put together can create infinite scenarios, trials, tribulations, and celebrations. No matter what mood I was in, I could always find the right words to use to set the tone of the story or poem. Writing assignments always came naturally to me in school. Whether it was writing a book report, typing up a history essay or putting together an independent study, if it involved writing, those kinds of projects I found fun. Most kids in my class used to grimace and cringe when they were given a writing assignment. Not me. I actually was the type of kid who would complain that we weren't given enough writing assignments in school. I would have gladly given up gym period, math period and skipped every recess from 1988-1993 for the opportunity to partake in a school for writing. I loved it that much.
I LOVE it that much.

My love for writing is ironically enough one that I find great difficulty expressing with a whole bunch of words. It's just there. Some people get great joy from fixing cars, or building homes, or dancing in a Broadway musical. Writing for me brings me that joy, and if I ever found myself in a situation where I couldn't write for whatever reason, it would be my own personal hell on earth.
I can't live life without having the power of writing. Writing gives me the power to be whoever I want to be.

I wouldn't have been able to post twelve dozen notes on this Facebook profile page if I didn't like writing. In some ways, I almost wish I could solely communicate with people through my writing, because I find myself much easier to understand writing things down as I would talking with someone face to face. Of course, this is almost an impossible situation, so I won't entertain that further.

I've always been fascinated with the art of writing. When I wrote that short story called "A History Of Friendship" two months ago, I was completely blown away by the amount of positive comments as a result from it. And, I was inspired by the great commentary over it. I was so inspired that I ended up sending in the short story to the Archie Comics e-mail address to see if they were interested in at least reading it. Unfortunately, I don't know if they got the actual message, as I haven't heard anything from them. But, you think that's going to discourage me? Not in the slightest.
If anything, having gone through rejection of my work beforehand is nothing new. It only serves to make me work harder for it. It's true. I have a really bad habit of proofreading my own work obsessively. I may very well be considered a little OCD over it because I absolutely cringe if I make spelling or grammar errors in any of the writing work I do. It doesn't matter whether it's a 50-page story or a simple subject line in an e-mail message. It's just the way I've always been. All that has benefitted me and my writing style. Because I'm so tough on myself, and because I keep raising my standards, I've allowed myself to improve on my writing skills. Am I absolutely perfect? Not quite. But I am on the right track.

I just feel that right now at this moment (especially after the recent health scares I've had to deal with) that I know I can be a fantastic writer. Some may say that I already am, but again, I know I could be better. Life is constantly changing and evolving, and just as life has done for me, it's time to write the next chapter of my autobiography. It could go either way. I could end up writing a best selling novel, win a whole bunch of accolades and literary awards and be the next J.K. Rowling, Stephen King, or John Grisham. On the other hand, I could be a complete washout as a novelist and people ignore my work more than Harlequin romance novels.
Either way, I'm not sorry that I have the power to write.

I consider my writing skills to be a real gift. I'd love nothing more than to be able to share that gift with other people, but if it so happens that all people read are my little ramblings here on my profile page, so be it.

I plan on writing everything that comes into my mind until the day I leave this world. That's a promise I'll never break.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

The Regret Associated With Being A School Club Shunner

There's an old saying that exists that seem to describe life brilliantly.  That saying is "live life without regret".  I have no idea who originally came up with that saying though.  Maybe it was Benjamin Franklin.  Maybe it was Albert Einstein.  Maybe it was Britney Spears.  Whatever the case, all of us try to go and live our lives and regret nothing about any of the decisions that we have made in our lives.

But how many of us actually do live life without regret?

I hate to say it, but regrets?  I've had a few.

For instance, I regret not having done more in my life by the time that I turned thirty.  I know that life is not a competition (unless you're an Olympic athlete, an "American Idol" contestant, or one of those scary women from that show "Dance Moms"), and I know that everything happens for a reason.  I just sometimes have a difficult time figuring out what that reason is.  Happens to the best of us.

I regret not finishing university and getting a degree even though the program I was in was essentially a dead-end one anyway, and nothing likely would have changed much even if I had gotten that certificate.  Of course, I can always go back if I choose to, so I'm not really all that regretful about it knowing what I know now.  Truth be told, I wished that I had gone to a community college instead of a university.  I think I would have liked that set up a lot more.  And really, the only pro to a university degree is more money, and honestly as long as I had enough money to live semi-comfortably, I would be fine with a basic college education.

Hell, I regret not punching all the kids who used to tease me at recess in the nose when I was younger.  Would have likely gotten thrown out of school...but again, knowing what I know now, that actually might have been a good thing.  And, hey...maybe I wouldn't have spent so much time being a doormat or a pushover.  But, hey...some lessons take years to learn.  That was one of them.  Of course, I would only do the nose-bopping as a last resort.  And only if I were severely provoked.

Of course...that's not the only regret that I have when it comes to school.  Certainly I do wish I could have stood up to both classmates and teachers back in those days, but there was something else that I wished I had done.



I regret not taking part in more extracurricular activities.

And right off the bat, I feel like I've compromised my integrity here.  I hated school and I hated everyone in it, but yet I wished I could have taken part in more school activities?  Wouldn't I have felt the opposite?  SHOULDN'T I have felt the opposite?

Yes, I should have.  But I didn't.



Truth is, I wanted to take part in a lot more activities in school than I actually did.  Granted, I did a couple of things during my school career.  I played in the concert band, I entered the science fair a couple of times, I took part in the "Reading Buddies" program, and I took part in a couple of assemblies at school, but that was about it.

Looking back on it, it's a wonder I was even accepted to any colleges and universities at all.   Schools look at extracurricular activities more than they did when I graduated from high school fifteen years ago.  By the time I graduated high school, my extracurricular activities rounded a big fat zero.

So, here's the million dollar question.  Why didn't I just suck it up and join the school clubs?

Well, here's the million dollar answer.  I didn't fit in to any of the clubs.

I was already considered an outsider in school.  If I joined any clubs, I had the feeling that I would be completely ignored and judged, and in all likelihood, I would have dropped out after two weeks anyway.  It's so easy to look back on it now and think that I was being absolutely ridiculous and jumped to conclusions over it now.  But the teenage me was admittedly a lot more damaged than the now 33-year-old me.  I suppose only former school outcasts could really understand how I truly felt back then.

Still, I missed out on a lot of fun opportunities while I was in school by not taking part in clubs and activities, and I always regretted not doing at least one or two things for the school.  Who knows?  It may have completely changed my whole attitude towards the student body, and I very well could have enjoyed myself.  Perhaps I may have even made a couple of friends along the way.

Alas, I will never know.  But I suppose there's nothing wrong with doing a little bit of speculation over what school clubs I could have joined.

Now, right off the bat, I could eliminate any sort of activity involving any sort of athletics.  I can't dribble, shoot, kick a field goal, score a touchdown - heck, even remembering the school cheer was a challenge.  Then again, when our school had their pep rallies, I used the time to take a nap.

And, I would never join any club that involved singing.  We already established in several past posts that I can't carry a tune.

That said, here are some of the school clubs and activities that I wish I had taken part in.



PHOTOGRAPHY CLUB

Granted, the reason why I never actively took part in this club was simple.  I didn't have a camera when I was in school, and money was tight in my family, so there was really no way I could afford one.  But if I had my own camera back then, I think I would have found solace in this club.  I always was someone who liked to express themselves in a creative manner, and certainly photography would have been a great way to do exactly that.  Considering that my school never had a writer's club, photography was really the only way that I could have showed creativity.



YEARBOOK CLUB

I think that I regret not joining this club the most in school.  I always did well in desktop publishing, and really, how hard was it to assemble thousands of photos of the 800 or so students who attended high school into a convenient volume of 160 pages?  I think that it would have been a lot of work, but so rewarding in the end.  Again, I regret not joining the yearbook...but at the same time, I don't think it would have worked out.  You see...one of the members of the yearbook staff was a person who I never could stand in school.  I could only have taken so much arrogance and snobbish behaviour before I crammed a camera down their throat.  But if I could do it over again, I would have joined the staff and made this person eat their words.

(Figuratively - not literally.)



KEY CLUB

Now, Key Club was an interesting club in school.  For those of you who may not know what it was, it was a club that allowed students to showcase leadership skills through performing community service both on and off campus.  This is another club that I absolutely regret not joining.  I knew a couple of people in the club who I probably could have gotten along with and the faculty advisor was one of my favourite high school teachers and she would have more than welcomed me into the group.  But for whatever reason, I never did take part in that club.  I suppose it was really my insecurities about myself that really wrecked it for me.  The teenage me thought that if I couldn't get along with the kids at school, how the heck could I get along with members of my own community.  The adult me wishes he could slap the teenage me in the face and dragged him to the meeting - especially since the adult me is more than making up for lost time.



REACH FOR THE TOP

Ah, yes...Reach For The Top.  The high school quiz game that tested high school students on a variety of subjects.  And in grade nine, I tried out for the team...only to realize that my trivia skills were severely lacking and I was embarrassed by all of the other eggheads in the room.  Still, I regret not going back in later years.  But hey, I suppose I could always try out for "Jeopardy!".  Being on a game show is on my bucket list!

Okay, I think I'll stop there.  I don't want to make it sound as if I wanted to join every single club that existed in my school.  But truth is, I cheated myself out of a lot of fun experiences at school.  And it's only now that I realize that the only person who can be blamed for it is the very person who just posted this blog post.

Sure, there were some other factors in play when it came to not joining clubs.  Some were not the right fit for me.  Some clubs had members whom I could not work with.  And some were completely way out of my league.  I'm looking at you Computer Programming Club.

Ultimately, the blame lies with me.  I couldn't get over my insecurities about myself to actually have fun with school clubs.  If I could have only not let people get to me, I could have had found a way to find some enjoyment in a place that only seemed to bring misery.  And that is my biggest regret.  Not being able to rise above the bad to find the good - especially when I was a teenager.

But times have changed, and I'm all grown up now.  And I suppose that with taking part in charity events through work, writing articles for a comic book publication, and even doing this blog for nearly four years straight...I suppose that could be considered making up for lost time.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Happy π Day!!!

I am really excited to be bringing this blog entry to you!  Sure, to most people in the world, this would be your typical Saturday morning in March 2015, filled with your morning coffee, Saturday newspaper, and a distinct lack of Saturday Morning cartoons.

Seriously, I feel so bad for the kids of today's generation, not knowing the fun and joy of Saturday cartoons.  You guys really don't know what you're missing.

Of course, for people who are really into mathematics, this day is almost as important as the birthdates of Pascal, Euclid, and Fryer.

(Those three names are the last names of famous mathematicians.  Anyone who ever wrote one of those mathematics contests from Waterloo University in Canada will know what I am talking about.)

Yes, today is March 14, 2015.  Or, if you write it out numerically in the North American way, you will have 3/14/15.

Hmmm...where have I seen that number before?  31415...31415...hmmm, maybe there's a decimal point that is supposed to be in place.



OH! 
3.1415...and so on!  Wait a minute.  That's the number that represents THIS symbol.



And this symbol is something that is known as pi!  Or, Ï€, if you rather.

And that means that today is...

HAPPY PI DAY!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, welcome to National Pi Day!  A day of celebration that only happens twice a day every one hundred years!  (Remember, there is a 9:26am and a 9:26pm.)



And as this wonderful illustration happens to show, 3.14 written backwards kind of looks like the word "pie".

But what exactly is PI?  Well, I'm glad you asked.

Although I myself have likely never used pi since I was in high school, I do know that pi is a measurement that is used to figure out what the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.

Sadly, I have really no use for Ï€ in my current occupation.  Well, unless I want to try something out with a paint can.  What exactly I would be finding out?  Well, your guess would be as good as mine.

But really, the number 3.1415... is a number that many people all over the world have been fascinated by.  After all, pi is probably the most famous of all the irrational numbers.  If one were to put Ï€  in the form of a fraction, the closest you would get would be 22/7.  Huh...it's a wonder that July 22 isn't equally celebrated by Ï€  addicts.  Maybe this year it will be.

The point being is that because Ï€ is an irrational number, it is not a nice, round, even number.  In fact, it is an irrational number.  The value of Ï€ is a little bit more than three, but it happens to be a three followed by an infinite number of digits.

How many digits can you name before you make a mistake?

I have to admit...I'm not very good.  The calculator pic I posted above?  That's as far as I can go.  But that's not too terrible.  Still, some people have tried to analyze Ï€ as far as they can to see how many possible digits that they can rattle off. 

Apparently, that number can go as high as thirteen TRILLION digits.  I barely managed thirteen digits.  I have a lot of work to do!



Of course, everyone plans on celebrating Pi Day in their own way.  I would imagine that for most people, they will be celebrating by sitting back and eating a nice big slice of pie.  And if you click on the following links, you can find recipes for cherry, blueberry, apple, peach, and banana cream pies.  Happy baking!

But did you know that there's actually a band that is named 3.14...?  They are based out of Azerbaijan, so I won't hold it against you if you have not heard of them (I know I haven't).  But the insipration behind the name?  Ï€!



There's also an album that was released by Selina Jen of Taiwan in January 2015 with the title 3.1415.

Oh, and as far as celebrating Pi Day, nobody seems to do it better than the University of Massachusetts, which plans on sending their acceptance letters to students who have applied to various programs at 9:26:53am on March 14, 2015.

Or, 3/14/15, 9:26:53.

Go on.  Have a look.  You probably have it in your mailbox right now.

Happy Ï€  Day!

Friday, March 13, 2015

Superficiality Is Ugly - A Flashback Friday Post

So, consider this to be a "Throwback Thursday" type piece.  Only, it's being written on Friday.  Friday the 13th, that is.

Anyway, I couldn't come up with a suitable topic for today (for some reason, March is really giving me major writer's block), I thought I would revisit a topic that I wrote about four years ago, in April 2011. 

Besides, tomorrow is the 14th, and I have a fantastic idea for a topic.  Let's just say that the idea hit me like a custard "pie" to the face...only with less custard and less mess.

So, until then, enjoy this Flashback Friday entry.



WARNING: This note is rated “M” for mature, for strong language and general anger from the writer in question. It takes a lot to get me angry, and when I do blow...ye best duck and cover like scared schoolchildren from the 1950's.

Advice columns have been around for decades. Ever since Ann Landers and Dear Abby were schoolchildren, people can count on picking up a newspaper or their favourite magazine for advice from a variety of people on a ton of subjects. Medical advice. Dating help. Recipes. Interior decorating. Some of the questions that people ask can range from perfectly normal to “what the hell were they thinking”. On the flipside, some of the advice that some of the people give to the advice seekers can range from “incredibly boneheaded” to “absolute brilliance”. Suffice to say, the columns and the columnists who write them aren't going anywhere soon.



Have you ever heard of a columnist named Amy Dickinson? She has a column in a newspaper here in the area that's based in Ottawa. Normally, I tend to skim over the letters and question how some people can get so personal in an advice column (and yes, this is coming from someone who admittedly has over a hundred thought-provoking blog entries right here on Facebook), but the one in the April 14, 2011 paper really struck a nerve with me. It wasn't so much her answer...it was the attitude of the person who sent in the question for her to answer.

And, it made me see red.

Here's the question in full. I bolded it just for you. :D

Dear Amy:

In our 20-year marriage, my husband has gained more than 50 pounds. I have gained about 10 and am constantly exercising and working to keep my weight down.

He has an unsightly gut that hangs over his pants. His clothes are often ill-fitting and sloppy looking due to the difficulty of finding a good fit. I find this embarrassing.

I have begged, pleaded, argued, threatened, reasoned, tried “Weight Watchers” for both of us and expressed concern about his health. Nothing works.

He makes a half-hearted attempt for a week or two and then quits. We have no sex life, as I am repulsed by his fat gut.

Otherwise, he is a loving, devoted, loyal guy with a heart of gold.

I love him, but the truth is I would not have even gone on a first date with him the way he looks now. This feels like a classic bait and switch (women are often accused of this behaviour).

I have all but given up as I watch him wolf down portions enough for three. I guess he doesn't care if we never have a romantic life again.

Should I just give up and live with him as a lifelong friend?

I am not interested in anyone else but, truly, his physical condition has completely turned me off.

I am really furious with him because I feel cheated out of a full marriage. I can't help thinking that if he really loved me, he would try harder.

-Given Up

Can you say...superficial much?

For the record, here was Amy's answer...this time in italics.

Dear Given:

If your husband loved himself a little more, he would try harder. Compulsive eating can provide a relief from the pressure of relationships, work, sex, and the expectations and disappointment of the people around you.

Not only are you pressuring him, but your hostility is so evident that I find myself pining for a pint of Haagen-Dazs just from reading your letter.

Instead of dragging your husband to “Weight Watchers”, you should examine your own issues and behaviour.

Addictive eating is different from other addictions because you can't swear off the stuff (food) forever. You must face your “drug of choice” every single day.

You and your husband don't need diet tips. You need marriage counseling.

You will go into counseling demanding that your husband needs to change to make you happy, prove he loves you or to save your marriage.

But as spouses and loved ones of addicts learn, he will only commit to the hard work of change in order to save himself.

Now...she was a LOT nicer to her about it than I would be. People like her make me see red. I have never been a huge fan of people who were up themselves to begin with, but superficiality is a great way to turn me off of you forever. I never could stand people who demanded that other people change in order to suit THEIR needs, and meet THEIR demands.

When I read that letter, it kind of made me wonder what I would say to this woman if I had stepped inside Amy's shoes (and hopefully she doesn't wear six-inch stillettos, because those things are wrong no matter what sex you are).

It wasn't pretty. In fact, I reckon I'd probably have uttered one too many swears in it, and get promptly fired for my stance on her issue. But, I don't care. It really pissed me off.

So, for all of you...below...in bold AND italics...here's what I would have said to this lovely lady in all of its uncensored glory (hence the “M” rating). In a way, it also showcases my own feelings on the subject of superficiality.

Here goes...

Dear Given Up:

What the f@#$ is wrong with you?!?

I mean, seriously, who the hell are you to go on and on about how unhappy and miserable you are because your husband has gained an extra fifty pounds over the course of your two decade long marriage? News flash...unless you have an insanely twisted obsession with botox injections, there isn't ANY couple who have been married for that long and looks exactly the same as they did on their wedding day.

You're embarrassed to be seen with your husband because his gut is a bit bigger and his pants don't quite fit him like they used to? I'm sure he's just as embarrassed to have a shrieking harpy shrew of a woman berating him and making him feel like crap because of something so superficial as weight gain. In fact, I'd bet my last toonie on it.

I'll tell you one thing. Belittling him, forcing him to do things...doesn't work. I'm sure if you were more supportive of him instead of being disgusted by him, you'd find that he might have the self-confidence and the motivation for him to make the changes himself. You cannot force him to do so, because it gives me the impression that you are a controlling person who really cannot stand imperfection. Here's some advice for you. You want imperfection? Look in the damn mirror, lady, because I certainly would not want to hang around with someone who only seems to look at the surface of a person instead of what's deep inside.

Oh, sure, you've said that he does have a heart of gold and is loyal and devoting, but it shocks me that you only see those as secondary qualities, of lesser importance than six-pack abs and a 32-inch waist. Do you have any idea how many women would DIE for a husband like that, you stupid twit? Regardless of looks? There are men who have the body you want, who lie, cheat and abuse their wives on a day-to-day basis...well...kind of like what YOU'RE doing to your husband right now. I'm sure that there are a lot of women that would be honoured to trade places with you at this moment. I secretly hope that one does.

It would be something different if you were genuinely concerned about his health issues, and if you were worried about him having a heart attack at 50, or high blood pressure. If this was all that you had touched upon, I'd go a little easier on you, but noooooooo. You had to really flick the switch into bitch mode by complaining about your lack of sex life because you find him repulsive. Guess what? I bet he finds your attitude and personality just as repulsive, sweetheart. And, if he doesn't, he SHOULD.

It's women like you that make me see red. You are so hung up on what a guy looks like and how cute he is that you refuse to see just what other great qualities he has because you're too blinded by soap opera star looks which eventually fade over time. You my dear, are no exception.

If I were your husband, and I read your letter, I would have called up my divorce attorney, kicked you out of the house and eaten an entire tub of Cool Whip right in front of you (and I'm talking the Cool Whip with the ocean blue lid...no 98% fat free crap). I'd then hit the gym and get skinny again on purpose just to spite you. But, hey, at least this way, you would have some vindication that you ended up giving motivation after all.

I wouldn't want him to see you as a lifelong friend at all. You haven't been friendly to him for quite some time. You have been a stuck-up, snobbish, selfish, superficial bitch. Thanks to you writing in, everyone knows it...including the man you promised to love in your wedding vows through sickness and health.

You have absolutely no idea what food addictions can do to a person. I can speak about this because I had a really bad addiction to food during my high school years brought on by kids who used to bully me for my weight. You do realize that the more you push your husband, the more he eats, right?

If say, oh, I dunno...you actually decided to, oh, I dunno...SUPPORT HIM...you might get results? But, no...you're too stuck on yourself to think about that, now...ARE YOU?

You may think that he's no prize to you...but neither are you.

Seriously, just go away.

Seriously.