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Saturday, April 18, 2015

Strange Plot Devices Used In Daytime Television

You know, if there's anything that I have learned in this life, it's that when something terrible happens, it makes you re-evaluate your life a lot more.  And certainly, the news about someone passing away certainly causes one to think about how they live their lives.

And one thing that I've been reflecting on is trying to make a living doing something that I love.  Not that I don't love mixing paint at a hardware counter.  That's actually kind of fun.  But after writing a blog for four years, having something published recently, and having thoughts of starting up a sign making business, it's got me thinking...life is way too short to keep procrastinating about making dreams come true.

So, I've been trying to come up with a way that I can keep my dreams alive, and I'm thinking that starting a short story is a great way to do that.  And if I'm really in the groove, I think that I could turn that short story into a novel.

But sometimes one of the hardest things that one can do is come up with the storyline behind the novel.  Coming up with a plot can be one of the most difficult things in the world, especially when you consider that you have to make the plots work with the rich character development that you give to your main protagonists and antagonists.  Believe me, it's a lot harder than you think.

In fact, I want to show you one tool that I've used in recent weeks.



This is a site called "The Writer's Plot Idea Generator", and what it does is simple.  Click the button on the site, and it will come up with a random plotline.  Go on.  Try it!  Here.  I've already done one below.



Yikes!  That sounds really outlandish, don't you think?  I mean, a manipulative nanny preparing a bankrupt holiday resort that is apparently set to get blown up real good anyway?  Why, that's even more outlandish than some of those plot lines that you see on soap operas!

Say.  That's a fantastic idea for a plot...ahem...blog topic!  In fact, let's play a little bit of a game here. 

I'll post a list of...oh...let's say...a dozen plot lines.  And you will have to make a decision as to whether the plot line really happened, or if it's just a figment of my own imagination.  I'll reveal the answers at the end of this blog, just so I don't keep you hanging like a Friday cliffhanger.

And trust me...it might be a challenge.  After all, soap operas are getting stranger and stranger.

Okay, let's begin.  And remember.  All you have to do is tell me whether the plot is true or false.

1.  In the spring of 1995, a plot unfurled on one soap opera which saw one of the show's main characters become possessed by the devil himself.  Or, should I say...the devil HERself.

True or False?

2.  Have you ever wondered what one of the strangest ways to die on a soap opera is?  Well, how about getting crushed to death by a gigantic letter "c"?  The death took place in the last half of 1986.

True or False?

3.  In August 1979, one soap opera made history by having two children tie the knot with each other.  Apparently arranged marriages begin really young on this sudser.  The bride and groom were both only ten years old at the time!

True or False?

4.  In the summer of 1999, a soap opera made its debut, and two of the stars of the show were a three hundred year old witch and her companion...a talking doll named Timmy.

True or False?

5.  How does one cope with the news that their sister is really their mother, and that their father was their uncle who raped her mother when she was just thirteen years old?  It's a family affair as one teenager finds out that her sister is her mother and her uncle is her father in the autumn of 2001.

True or False?

6.  One soap opera supercouple (who were united through a rape, surprisingly enough) had to do whatever it took to save their city from being completely frozen over by a madman.  The final confrontation happened in September 1981, and by November they were married.

True or False?

7.  What do you do when your wife is presumed dead in a plane crash?  Well, you take some of the eggs that she harvested for IVF and create an exact clone of her.  The storyline aired throughout 1998, and it likely was inspired by the sheep cloning incident that made everybody exclaim "Hello, Dolly!"

True or False?

8.  It certainly was a spectacle on one soap opera during the winter of 2012 when a character not only came back from the dead, but also brought home a pet dinosaur!

True or False?

9.  One of the most controversial storylines of 1996 involved a fashion model who posed for pictures, smiled for the camera, and became involved with a man she had a crush on in high school.  The only thing that could go wrong?  If people discovered she was born a man.

True or False?

10.  Someone probably didn't tell this woman one cardinal rule.  Never chase after your daughter's husband.  But she did, and the daughter found out about their tryst after overhearing a conversation between the two of them over a baby monitor!  To make this scandal even more shocking?  Mother became pregnant with son-in-law's baby.  Talk about keeping it in the family.

True or False?

11.  Welcome to the year 2003, a year in which a teenage girl fell in love with an Internet pervert and contracted an STD.  Teenage girl's best friend ends up confronting pervert, and he locks friend in a walk-in cooler at a restaurant and sets the place ablaze.  To make this story even more unbelievable, ten years later, Internet pervert ends up being an assistant to the city's police force!

True or False?

And finally...

12.  What does one do when a show is set to end?  How about flood the entire town and kill off some of the dead weight in the process?  After all, if the show is being cancelled, why keep the sets around?  The show wrapped up its soggy run around the Christmas season in 1986.

True or False?

Okay, I'll give you a few moments to think about it a little.

Time's up.  Let's see how you did.



1.  The storyline is TRUE.  In 1995, "Days of our Lives" made history by possessing the character of Dr. Marlena Evans.  Don't believe me?  I have proof!



2.  This is also TRUE.  1986 saw the death of Mary Duvall on the soap opera "Santa Barbara" by having a letter C fall on top of her.  I don't see this scene being shown on "Sesame Street" any time soon.

3.  Sorry.  This plotline never happened.  It's FALSE.



4.  This is TRUE.  Mind you, "Passions" was always known as the show that never really made sense during its whole run.  But the Tabitha/Timmy plotline was one of the show's first, and it ran until actor Josh Ryan Evans passed away in 2002.



5.  You may have gotten stumped with this one.  It is absolutely TRUE.  This plot featured Kat and Zoe Slater on the international show "EastEnders".  Have a look.



6.  Yep, this was the storyline that aired just before Luke and Laura's 1981 wedding.  And yes, Mikkos Cassadine really did plan on freezing the whole world on "General Hospital".  Mark this one as TRUE.



7.  Cloning may seem farfetched.  But Josh Lewis really did try to clone his deceased wife Reva on "Guiding Light".  It's 100% true.  Of course, Reva ended up surviving anyway, and the clone...well...you'll have to see for yourself how that ended.

8.  No soap opera has ever had a dead character bringing back a dinosaur with them when they come back from the dead.  FALSE!

9.  This storyline did happen.  Though "The Bold & The Beautiful" is currently doing a transgender storyline, "The City" was the first soap to tackle the issue, which saw fashion model Azure C have her past life exposed...as average male Lee Chen.



10.  And speaking of "The Bold & The Beautiful", this plot happened on this show which saw Brooke Logan have an affair with Deacon Sharpe, who was married to her daughter Bridget.  That love affair produced Brooke's daughter, Hope.

11.  Once upon a time on "The Young and the Restless", Lily Winters fell in love with Kevin Fisher.  Kevin gave Lily an STD, Lily's friend Colleen told him off, and Kevin set a restaurant on fire with Colleen still inside.  Now, Kevin works for the police (!!), Lily married someone else, and Colleen died.


12.  Finally, this plot is TRUE.  And you have to admit, flooding the whole town is definitely one way for "Search for Tomorrow" to go out!

Friday, April 17, 2015

The Green Marker Poetry Sessions



Sometimes, my inspiration for blog topics can come from the most unusual places.  Sometimes, inspiration may come from playing a video game.  Sometimes, I get inspired by watching a really funny movie on television.  I even think that I probably was inspired to write a blog entry after seeing a jar of mustard on a shelf.  

I know, bizarre.  But that goes to show you that sometimes you can be really be inspired to write in almost any circumstance.

Even when those circumstances are really tragic ones.

Yesterday, a very special person was taken away from us far too soon.  Her name was Christina, and I guess you could say that I've known her a long time, even though we only really worked together for a few months at the most.  But there are several things that I can probably say about her.  I always saw her as being very pleasant to everyone who had the pleasure of working with her, and she really did her best to make sure that the people she served left happy.

And perhaps one of my favourite memories of Christina came at one of our store fun days.  I seem to remember that the theme of the party was Caribbean Day or Hawaii Day, or some other tropical paradise day.  And I remember that she would not let me leave until I had the chance to try one of her drink cocktails.

(Keep in mind that these were "virgin" drinks, as it did take place at work.)

So, I opted for my favourite of the bunch (the pina colada), and she served it to me along with one of those little beach umbrellas.  And I think she watched me closely to make sure I drank every drop!  But for what it was worth, looking back on it, it was the best damn virgin pina colada I've ever had.


Christina, you may not physically be a part of this world any more...but the lives that you touched along the way.  Those people will make sure that you live on forever.  I will definitely miss you, as I am sure everyone out there will.

So, because of this, it prompted me to grab the first writing implement out of my pocket (which ended up being a green Crayola marker) and a notepad and just write down what was going through my mind.  And, well...this is what I came up with.



Please, everyone...keep Christina as well as her family and friends in your thoughts today.

Thank you.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Celebrity Lookalikes and Dopplegangers

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like that guy from Ghostbusters?"

It was a random question that I was asked by a couple of ladies whom I was ringing in pellets for a paint gun for at the sports counter at my workplace, and I admit that it was a really random question.  So, being the friendly sort that I am, and being a little bit curious about what they were talking about, I pressed them, hoping that they wouldn't think that I looked like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Luckily, it wasn't Stay Puft.  They apparently thought that I looked like Dan Aykroyd.  They even claimed that I sounded like Dan Aykroyd.

Which, admittedly was something that I had never heard before in all my years on this Earth.

Now, just a little background here.  Dan Aykroyd is a Canadian actor and "Saturday Night Live" alumni who starred in a slew of hit films over the last four decades from "The Blues Brothers" to "Christmas With The Kranks".  In "Ghostbusters", he played the role of Ray Stantz.

Now, "Ghostbusters" was released in 1984.  At the time, Aykroyd was 32.  I was only three.  So, needless to say, I didn't get exposed to "Ghostbusters" until much later in life.

But yet, two women thought I looked just like him.

So, I thought to myself...do I really look like Dan Aykroyd?

Well, let's put it to a test, shall we?  I found a picture of Dan Aykroyd circa 1984, when he was 32 years old.  And I will compare it to a photo of myself taken in January 2014, when I myself was 32 years old.  Let's see how close I really resemble Mr. Aykroyd.



Hmmm...actually, you know...I do kind of see some resemblance.  I mean, we both have the same hair and eye colour.  We even kind of have the same exact nose, which I admit I never really noticed before.  But Dan's teeth are a lot straighter than mine are.  I have been blessed with an overbite, what can I say?

But yeah...I admit that I never quite saw myself as being a Dan Aykroyd lookalike until those two women pointed it out.  And hey, maybe they're on to something.

Though, I maintain that I don't think I sound like Dan Aykroyd.  His voice is deep and cool.  Mine is geeky on a good day!

But when I was a lot younger (like in my teen years), the celebrities that people said that I looked like were quite different.



Do any of you remember the group "The Barenaked Ladies"?  Well, they began their career here in Canada circa 1991 with their cover of Bruce Cockburn's "Lovers in a Dangerous Time", and exploded on the Canadian pop charts in 1992 with their debut album "Gordon".  It took some time for them to make it big in the USA, but they did in 1998 with the songs "One Week", and "It's All Been Done". 

Well, the former lead singer of that band was Steven Page, and many people seem to believe that I look like I could be his twin.

Again, let's compare a recent picture of Steven Page with a recent photo of me.



Yep.  Now, see, I think I look more like Steven Page than I do Dan Aykroyd.  In fact, I agree with some of people who think I could be his twin (which is impossible since he's like a decade older than I am, but if we were the same age, I think it could work).

And then there are the comparisons that were made between myself and the current host of "The Price Is Right" Drew Carey.  Apparently some people thought I looked like him, and I can't really see it now.  After all, Drew Carey doesn't look a thing like me now.

Ah, but back in 1995 (the year I entered high school), Drew Carey had his own sitcom that aired on ABC, and he looked a lot different twenty years ago.  Have a look at an older picture of Drew Carey and compare it to a newer photo of yours truly.



Yeah, I can definitely see a resemblance, albeit a faint one.

So, here's my question to all of you.  Do you have a celebrity doppleganger?  Is there someone who is famous that you think you look like?  Let me know in the comments, if you like!

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Deducing the Deduction of Unusual Things

"Our new Constitution is now established and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be certain, except death and taxes."
- Benjamin Franklin




So, welcome to tax day, Americans!  Today is the very last day that you can file your tax returns without getting a penalty. 

Fear not, fellow Canadians.  We still have fifteen days to do ours, as our official tax day is April 30.

Of course, with myself being a huge procrastinator and knowing full well that any chance of a refund that I might get is slim to nil, I purposely wait until the last minute to file mine.  I suppose that I would feel differently about it if I knew that I would be getting a tax refund worth three thousand dollars or something like that, but I'm already going on the conclusion that this year, at least, it won't happen.

(But, I suppose getting no refund back is better than being audited.  That would suck.)

Now, I don't really know how the system works in Canada - I am assuming that it is similar to the United States - but one way to make sure that you wake up the day after Tax Day happy is to try and find as many tax deductions as possible.  A tax deduction can reduce the amount of taxes that you have to pay the government, and typically speaking, the more tax deductions you have, the better chance you have of turning a profit on Tax Day.

Some of the most common tax deductions that people have made include caregiver allowances, babysitting expenses, charitable donations, and medical expenses.

Sometimes, people have gotten a little bit creative in trying to deduce whether a deduction is possible, but most often than not, it works out well.

That being said, there is a limit to how much "creativity" that the Internal Revenue Service and the government is willing to take.  And after doing a little bit of research online, I've found some of the craziest things that some people have actually tried to claim a tax deduction on.

The craziest thing about some of these?  They actually WORKED!

I'll highlight the ones that succeeded in green, and the ones that didn't work in red.  That way, some of you will know what you could potentially get away with, and what you definitely will NOT get away with!

Special thanks to
TurboTax.com, Wisebread.com, Neatorama.com, and Oddee.com for the information presented in this blog today.



1.  Claiming a dog (or any pet) as a dependent

I know that for most of us, our pets are our lives.  I know many people who see their furry friends as their children, which is very cool indeed.  But just because Fluffy, Fido, or Grumpy Cat may be like having a child, don't confuse them for actually being children. As of 2015, pets can not be declared as dependents.  Some may consider it unfair, but I don't work for the tax collectors.  I don't make the rules.



2.  Claiming a tattoo as a medical expense

Now, when I think of medical expenses, I tend to think of emergency surgical procedures, or certain kinds of prescription drugs - especially in countries in which people have to pay out of pocket to get medical care.  That being said, tattoos and body piercings are not generally considered to be tax deductable.  However, running your own tattoo shop?  That could work.

3.  Claiming sex as a medical expense

This should be common sense, but one person in the state of New York decided that he would at least attempt to make sex a tax deduction.  He tried to claim over $113,000 of "therapeutic sex".

And just what expenses go into "therapeutic sex"?  Well, massage therapy, pornography, and hiring a whole lot of prostitutes, that's what.

There's just one problem.  The tax return was filed in 2002 - and at least back in that time (and very well could still be in effect thirteen years later), prostitution was illegal in New York state.

And, well...you can't claim a deduction on an illegal activity.



4.  Claiming cat food as a legitimate business expense

Yes, this is one of the loopholes in the tax code.  You can't claim a cat as a dependent, but one junkyard successfully claimed cat food as a business expense.  You see, the owner of a junkyard is expected to deal with his fair share of rats crawling around.  But when the rat population grew too large, he started buying crates of cat food and opened them up to attract feral cats in the area.  The cats would be attracted to the cat food, and would be treated to a nice healthy dose of rats for dessert.  The junkyard became more attractive to bargain hunters, and because it improved his profits, the government decided to allow the deduction.



5.  Deducting the cost paid to an arsonist paid to torch a business

As if premeditated arson wasn't enough of a crime, one furniture business owner learned the hard way that deducting the ten thousand dollar fee used to pay the arsonist for destroying his own business was probably not the brightest idea.  He was eventually caught, and both he and the guy he paid off served time in prison.

Basic rule of thumb - Don't do stupid things.

6.  Deducting the cost of breast enhancement surgery

Yeah, remember how I said that tattoos and piercings were not tax deductible?  Apparently if you can prove that a breast enhancement actually allowed you to earn more money in tips and that the enhancement was a necessary "stage prop" to help her perform...well, that can be written off!  Don't believe me?  Just google the name Cynthia Hess.

7.  Deducting the cost of fancy dresses

This really happened in the case of entertainer Dinah Shore.  However, there was a catch.  She could only write off the dresses provided that the dresses were so tight that she could only wear them on her television show.  Since Shore only wore the dresses on her show, they were considered a business expense.

8.  Deducting the cost of pole dancing classes

No, you cannot deduct the cost of installing a pole inside of your bedroom to justify the fact that dancing on a pole helps your husband relax.  But believe it or not, someone tried it!

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

April 14, 1865

I certainly hope that you all are looking forward to a historical Tuesday Timeline this week because we are really going back in time.  To before the 1900s! 

It's very rare that I do a Tuesday Timeline spotlight that is set during the 1800s, but this was one event that I knew that I just couldn't ignore.  It was an event that back in its day was quite shocking, and although similar instances have happened since, this one truly was the talk of the town back in the day - as well as the talk of a nation.

We'll get to that in a little bit. 

In the meantime, we have some other things to get out of the way first.  Let's see what else happened on April 14 throughout history as well as seeing who has an April 14 birthday.

1715 - In South Carolina, the Yamasee War begins

1828 - Noah Webster copyrights the first edition of his dictionary

1860 - The first Pony Express rider reaches San Francisco, California

1881 - In El Paso, Texas, the "Four Dead In Five Seconds Gunfight" takes place

1894 - The first commercial motion picture house opens up in New York City

1912 - RMS Titanic strikes an iceberg shortly before midnight - the vessel sinks a little over two and a half hours later

1925 - Actor Rod Steiger (d. 2002) is born in Westhampton, New York

1927 - The first vehicle manufactured by Volvo is showcased in Sweden

1939 - John Steinbeck's "The Grapes of Wrath" is first published

1944 - Three hundred people are killed in the Bombay harbor explosion

1948 - Photographer/actress Berry Berenson (d. 2001) is born in Murray Hill, Manhattan, New York

1956 - The videotape is demonstrated in Chicago, Illinois

1957 - Comedian Richard Jeni (d. 2007) is born in Brooklyn, New York

1958 - Soviet satellite Sputnik 2 falls from orbit after being suspended in space for 162 days

1969 - Barbra Streisand and Katharine Hepburn tie for the Best Actress Academy Award

1981 - Columbia (STS-1) - the first operational space shuttle - completes its first test flight

1986 - Ninety-two people are killed in Bangladesh following a storm dumping extremely large hailstones (some weighing as much as one kilogram!)

1995 - Singer/actor Burl Ives passes away at the age of 85

2002 - Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez returns to office just two days after being ousted by the Venezuela military

2007 - Singer Don Ho passes away at the age of 76

2012 - "Dark Shadows" actor Jonathan Frid dies at the age of 87

2014 - 75 people and 141 more are injured in twin bomb blasts in Abuja, Nigeria

And celebrating a birthday on the 14th of April are the following people; Loretta Lynn, Shani Wallis, Bobby Nichols, Julie Christie, Pete Rose, John Sergeant, Ritchie Blackmore, John Shea, Bruce Sterling, Barbara Bonney, Peter Capaldi, John D'Aquino, Brad Garrett, Robert Carlyle, Daniel Clowes, Jeff Andretti, Gina McKee, Tom Dey, David Justice, Anthony Michael Hall, Adrien Brody, David Miller, Da Brat, Amy Birnbaum, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Rob McElhenney, Paul O'Brien, Claire Coffee, Vivien Cardone, Graham Phillips, Ellington Ratliff, Skyler Samuels, and Abigail Breslin.

So, as mentioned up above, today's Tuesday Timeline date predates the 1900s, so you know we're going to be talking about a major historical event.



An event that took place on April 14, 1865.

Wow, that was one hundred and fifty years ago! 

And let's just say that a century and a half ago, a shocking event took place that changed the course of American politics forever. 



That was the day that President Abraham Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theatre by John Wilkes Booth.  Lincoln, of course, died the following day.

Of course, there have been quite a few assassination attempts on American Presidents over the country's 238-year-history.  Of course, most people remember the 1981 attempt on President Ronald Reagan and Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme attempting to off Gerald Ford in 1975.

And of course, Lincoln wasn't the only President to be assassinated.  James Garfield, William McKinley, and John F. Kennedy were all killed while in office in 1881, 1901, and 1963 respectively.

However, Lincoln was the very first President to die at the hands of an assassin - and believe it or not, this was not the first time that Lincoln had been the subject of an assassination attempt!

In 1861, Lincoln's life was threatened by a group who vowed to assassinate him on his way to his inauguration in Baltimore, Maryland.  A second attempt was made three years later in August 1864 when a lone rifle shot missed hitting Lincoln's head!  The thing that saved him?  His love for tall hats.  The bullet struck the hat.

Sadly, the third attempt proved to be fatal. 

On April 14, 1865 - Good Friday - Lincoln and his wife attended a performance of "Our American Cousin" which was playing at Ford's Theatre in Washington D.C.  The Lincolns attended the play with Major Henry Rathbone and Clara Harris, and they were seated in the Presidential Box after the play had already started.  Approximately 1,700 people were in Ford's Theatre at the time.

What Lincoln wasn't aware of was that John Wilkes Booth - an actor who had participated in performances held at the theatre - was already there.  And he was there for one reason only.

To kill Lincoln.

But why was Booth so keen on assassinating Lincoln?  And why was Lincoln's life threatened more than once?

Well, it all has to do with when Lincoln was elected as President of the United States.  Or, rather, I should say President of the Northern United States.

You see, Lincoln was elected in 1861, which happened to be the same year that the American Civil War began.  In 1861, there were only thirty-four states in the Union, and of those thirty-four states, at least eleven decided to secede from the United States to become the Confederate States of America.  And as it so happened, most of the states to join the Confederate Union were southern states.

Hence the reason why the American Civil War is sometimes referred to "North vs. South".

The reason for the Civil War was stemmed from the controversial practice of slavery.  There was once a dark time in American history in which white Americans forced people of colour to become their personal slaves, making them do all of the hard work that they did not want to do, and often being abused physically and sexually if they ever stepped out of line.

And Abraham Lincoln opposed the expansion of slavery into the western territories, which lead to hostilities between the Northern States (who opposed slavery) and the Southern States (who supported it).

As we all know, the Civil War ended in 1865 with the North triumphing over the South, and the country once more became the United States of America (even though the Confederate States of America were never recognized as an official nation in its four year history).  But many people who lived in the Confederate States region still remained loyal to the confederation.

John Wilkes Booth was one.  And because of a speech Abraham Lincoln gave just three days before he died about how Lincoln wanted to enfranchise the former slaves, Booth decided that Lincoln must die.

And on April 14, 1865, Booth opened fire on Lincoln inside of Ford's Theatre.  He died the next day.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Seven Ways To Destroy Chocolate - At Least In My Opinion

This is a statement that I am not denying in the slightest.

My name is Matthew, and I am a chocoholic.



Seriously, I cannot get enough of chocolate.  If I can, I will eat at least a little bit of it every day as long as I live. 




In fact, I can remember what one of my very first experiences was with chocolate.  While my parents have told me that my very first taste of chocolate was through a "Jersey Milk" chocolate bar, I seem to remember "Junior Mints" being a very huge part of my childhood.  Plain M&M's were also a huge part of childhood snacking, and I have yet to resist the irresistible combination of chocolate and peanut butter.

Reese, I'm looking at you for fueling my PB&C addiction here.

Chocolate is one of the reasons why Easter, Halloween, and February 15 are my favourite days of the year.  Easter and Halloween because of all the chocolate that is available, and February 15 for all the chocolate that is 50% off!  Take that, Valentine's Day lovers!!!

However, while I have a love affair with most chocolate treats, there are some chocolate confections that I would not touch with a thirty foot pole.

While it is difficult for me to find ways in which chocolate would forever be ruined, I have found seven ways in which doing this to chocolate would guarantee that I would not eat it.

Now, keep in mind that this is merely my own list of personal tastes.  You may agree with me on this one.  You might also disagree with this list as much as you want.  Believe me, I like hearing from you.

So, here we go.  The seven things that will forever ruin chocolate for me.



1.  Chocolate Covered Strawberries

Now, I know what you're thinking.  Chocolate covered strawberries might just be one of the greatest inventions ever made in the confection world.  It could even be used as one of the greatest aphrodisiacs in the world.  Seriously, chocolate covered strawberries can be a necessity when your mood is flavoured with passion and intensity.

Or, so I've heard anyway.

There's just one problem with chocolate covered strawberries that ruins them for me.  I'm allergic to strawberries.  You pop one of those things in my mouth and believe me - it's anything but sexy.



2.  Chocolate Covered Cherries

Or, maybe I just have something against dipping fruit in chocolate to begin with.  Chocolate is delicious on its own.  Cherries are one of my favourite fruits in the whole world.  I can eat a whole bag of fresh cherries from the produce department in one sitting.  Therefore, I should be able to enjoy cherries covered in chocolate, right?

Wrong.

I don't know what it is about chocolate covered cherries, but I find them absolutely disgusting.  Maybe I'm thinking of those Queen Anne cordial cherries that one might get at Christmas, but I can't do it.  Chocolate and cherries are a horrible flavour combo for me to digest. 

Though if you had apples or bananas at the chocolate fondue fountain, those I could do.



3.  Chocolate and Coconut

Sometimes you feel like a nut.  Sometimes you don't.  Almond Joy has nuts.  Mounds don't.

But you know what both Almond Joy and Mounds have?  Coconut.  And do you know why I will never eat an Almond Joy or Mounds bar?  Coconut.

Now, I think in the case of coconut, it's definitely a texture thing.  I can drink coconut milk without much problem.  I can do a little bit of coconut flavour in tropical blend yogurts and fruit juices. 



And yes, I do like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

But take tasteless, chewy, haystack like shredded coconut and cover it in chocolate?  Yeah, you can have it.  I don't want it.



4.  Chocolate with TOO MANY NUTS

You know, I have a love-hate relationship with nuts, and much like coconut, it is a texture thing.

I've already mentioned how much I love peanut butter.  But surprisingly enough, I can't stand peanuts themselves.  It sounds strange, I know, but I don't like the texture of peanuts, and for the most part, I tend to avoid chocolate bars that have a huge supply of nuts - with the exception of Snickers, as the caramel and nougat overpower the taste and texture of the peanuts inside.

But a Pay Day bar?  Can't do it.  An Oh Henry bar?  Again, can't chew it.  And don't even get me started on that disgusting "Eat More" candy bar, the bar that is more nutty than chocolaty.  Eat More may very well be the one candy bar that makes me eat less.



5.  Chocolate Covered Marshmallows

I've never really been a marshmallow fan to begin with.  Sure, I used to eat Lucky Charms cereal for the marshmallows, but that was when I was seven and my taste buds were bland.  Now that I'm older, I don't really like marshmallows all that much (unless they are part of a S'more or a Rice Krispie Square).  And while marshmallow eggs, pumpkins, and Santas are top selling candies for Easter, Halloween, and Christmas, they aren't a favourite of mine.  Again, it's not that they taste bad...just that it wouldn't be my first choice in how to enjoy chocolate.



6.  Making chocolate TOO dark

I once made the mistake of believing that baker's chocolate was just as tasty as the kind of chocolate bars that you would find at a candy store.  You know, those little blocks of chocolate that you would use for brownies, chocolate pies, and drizzle for chocolate cakes?  Well, don't do it.  Baker's chocolate is about as bitter as chocolate can get, and one bite of that stuff soured me on chocolate for all of four minutes.

(Well, that's how long it took my mom to bring out the good stuff anyway.)

Now, I'm not saying that I am totally against dark chocolate.  I do like Hershey's Special Dark and I am still bitter that Cadbury made their Caramilk Dark bars for only a short time. 

But those Lindt chocolate bars that are 70% and 85% real cocoa?  Yeah, that's one way to turn me off chocolate.



7.  Chocolate Covered INSECTS

Some countries have these as a delectable and rich confection.  I will NEVER try one.  For obvious reasons.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Somewhere In My Memory

April 12, 2015

French class was always a fun time for me. The vast majority of classmates I attended French class with hated the subject. I get the distinct feeling that everytime my teacher would wheel in her little black cart with the green Dimoitou puppet, some kids groaned. I loved it though, and I would often get good grades in the subject.





I remember one year, we were doing a unit study on foods. We had to learn what several of the French words were for fruits and vegetables at the time. Some of them were really easy. Orange was orange. Banana was banane. Easy-peasy, right?

Not all of them were all that easy though. When it came down to the french word for pineapple, most of the class was stumped. When the teacher asked us what the French word for pineapple was, nobody knew.

But, I knew. I knew it very well. I shot up my hand and proudly declared that it was "un ananas"!

And, the teacher was impressed. Very impressed.

She flashed other fruits to me, and I named them all. Cherry=cerise. Grape=raisin. Pomme=apple. Pomme de Terre=Potato.

We then had to do a colouring page afterwards, and at this time, another teacher had come into the classroom. I don't think I was supposed to hear the conversation that the two teachers were having, but I distinctly remember hearing my French teacher talking about how I had a really good photographic memory.

I wondered to myself...what did that mean? I didn't understand the concept of that statement. I certainly didn't take Polaroid pictures with my mind.

As I grew older, though, I began to understand what she meant.

Part of the reason why I knew what the French word for pineapple was? TVOntario.





I remember watching TVO non-stop, and one of the programs was some silly little French show where the star was a talking pineapple. I didn't understand what the heck the people were saying, as my mother tongue was English, but the pineapple's name stuck out in my mind.




The pineapple was named "Ananas".

It seems silly, right? How watching a show that I had no hope of understanding as a five year old helped me enrich my vocabulary in another language. But, maybe my teacher had a point. If I hadn't have watched the show, would I have remembered the term? Probably not.





I was also a huge fan of Kool-Aid as a kid, and remember helping my mom mix it up many times. I would often read the label of the package while I poured the water into the pitcher, just to see how many cups of water I had to pour in. Keep in mind that I'm Canadian, so all our packaging was written in both English and French. That's probably how I learned the French words of the other fruits.

Apparently, the French language wasn't the only thing I remembered from way back when.





Does anyone remember those Laurentian pencil crayons? The 24 packs of coloured pencils with each one individually numbered. Well, if you told me a number, I could tell you the corresponding colour. In anyone's interested, give it a try! Ask me a number, I'll tell you the colour!

People have told me that I have a diabolical memory, and I think that my long-term memory is really good.

My short-term memory is not the best. In fact, I'd say that it completely sucks.

Try as I might, I always seem to misplace the remote-control, my wallet, my schedule...in one day, I misplaced all three.

I would try to take a course in improving my short-term memory...but I keep forgetting.

What's the point of this little note? Well, in my last note, I talked about my biggest weaknesses, and I figure that I should lighten the mood by talking about my strengths.

A good memory just happens to be one of my strengths.

I'm sure that I will come up with more strengths...if I remember to do so.