Today
in this blog, I thought that I would talk about a particular song, as well as
the tragic end that one of the members of the band that recorded the song
faced.
I'll
readily admit that I was inspired to write about today's topic after watching a
marathon of "Forensic Files" on HLN.
After all, it's crappy weather outside, and weekends are notoriously bad
for standard television now that the stupid network bigwigs have decided to axe
weekend cartoons in favour of infomercials and news programs.
Not
that I'm bitter or anything.
Anyway,
I've always been a sucker for mysteries and I tend to watch a lot of programs
that have to do with crime stories.
When I was a teenager, I read a lot of true crime stories and I used to
watch "American Justice" on A&E (remember that show?) or
"Cold Case Files" because they were shows that kept my interest. If it weren't for my ability to pass out
upon seeing the sight of blood, I might have gone through to have a career in
law enforcement.
Anyway,
one of the episodes focused on the murder of Walter Scott, who happened to be
the frontman of a band that had limited success in the 1960s. And in all likelihood, it was a band that
you probably have never even heard of.
Don't
worry. I didn't know that this band had
existed until I actually watched the episode of "Forensic Files" that
put the spotlight on Walter Scott and his senseless death.
Anyway,
the name of the band in question is Bob Kuban and The In-Men. The band was formed by St. Louis born Bob
Kuban, a graduate of the St. Louis Institute of Music in 1964. And what was unique about the band was that
it was made up of an eight piece orchestra that simulated a little bit of the
big band sound that had become popular two decades earlier.
Unfortunately,
due to the influence of "The British Invasion" and the huge success
of British based bands like The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Dave Clark
Five, and The Hollies, the band only managed to have one major hit on the
charts.
ARTIST: Bob Kuban and The In-Men
SONG: The Cheater
ALBUM: Look Out For The Cheater
DATE RELEASED: January 1966
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS: #12
Now,
Bob Kuban and The In-Men had a couple of other single releases during the
1960s. One song, "The
Teaser", peaked at #70. The group
also did their own version of "Drive My Car" (written by Paul
McCartney and John Lennon), which barely managed to chart within the Top 100
(peaking at #93). But it was this
single that was easily the band's biggest hit.
I
think a part of that was the delivery of the lyrics by Walter Scott. He really put forth a lot of effort in
making the song stand out. And it
certainly was a song that had a very direct message - it's a wonder that Ashley
Madison hasn't used the song as their official theme! Yes, the song is all about a guy who has a really bad reputation
when it came to relationships. He was a
serial cheater. A cheater that did so
much cheating that had Maury Povich had a show back in those days, he would
have appeared every other week to prove that he had never fathered that woman's
child.
Little
did anybody know that this song would end up being a rather ironic one in the
case of Walter Scott - or at least it ended up becoming one seventeen years
after this single charted.
The
date was December 27, 1983, and it could be argued that Walter Scott was in a
good place. He was married to his
second wife, JoAnn Calcaterra, and he was looking forward to his upcoming
forty-first birthday, which was on February 7.
And it appeared as though he would be reuniting with Bob Kuban for a
reunion tour. Scott had left the band
shortly after "The Cheater" was released in an effort to pursue a
solo career, but when that did not pan out, he started touring with a cover band
throughout the 1970s and early 1980s.
Kuban and Scott had reunited a few months earlier for a television
appearance, and both had decided that they would spend 1984 playing several
concerts to celebrate the band's twentieth anniversary.
Only
those plans never came to fruition, as Scott disappeared that evening.
He
was not found until April 1987 - a full three years and four months after he
first went missing. His body was
stuffed inside of a cistern, floating face down, wearing the same clothes that
he was wearing at the time of his disappearance. It was later discovered that Scott had been murdered the very
night he disappeared, and that the cause of death was a gunshot would to the
back. Further evidence revealed that
Scott had been tied up prior to being shot, indicating that Scott was the victim
of premeditated murder.
Now,
here's where the irony of the song "The Cheater" comes into
play. You see, Scott's wife was having
an affair with James H. Williams, and Williams decided to come up with the plan
to kill Walter so that he and JoAnn could be free to be together. The couple would eventually marry in 1986 -
just a few months before Scott's body was unearthed.
What
makes this case even more chilling was the fact that Williams was also charged
with murdering his own wife, Sharon Williams.
Both
JoAnn Calcaterra Williams and James H. Williams faced charges related to the
murder of Walter Scott. JoAnn was
charged with hindering the prosecution of Scott's murder, as she wasn't exactly
honest with the investigators involved in the case, and was sentenced to five
years in prison. James H. Williams, was
charged with two counts of capital murder - one for each person who died at his
hands.
Williams
was given a life sentence for the two murders, and died in prison exactly four
years ago today, on September 13, 2011.
It
was certainly a case in the music history files of singers who died tragic
deaths. In the case of Walter Scott, he
certainly had reason to fear "the cheater". After all, the cheater in this case cheated him out of the rest
of his life.
So,
last week, I took a hiatus from The New Archies Reviewed, as I was still
unpacking. Truth be told, my computer
was still in a box when the September 4 entry was supposed to have been
written.
But,
it's September 11 now, my computer is back up and running, and I can continue
with the New Archies Reviewed with what is one of my three favourite episodes
of the series.
I
bring you Episode 4B:
Jughead Predicts!
We
begin our episode in the middle of an exciting soccer game - or, I guess I
should say soccer practice as the Riverdale team is the only one on the
field. There's Archie and Reggie
practicing their kicking. Moose and Big
Ethel are working on their moves. And
Jughead is...eating a sandwich in the middle of the field while Betty is
sitting on the bleachers reading a horoscope magazine.
Okay,
so this behaviour is nothing new for Jughead, but I'm quite surprised that
Betty is behaving Jughead-like. Maybe
it's a side effect from Eugene's truth telling machine from last episode?
Anyway,
Betty is asking Jughead what his sign is, and reveals that one sign (I want to
say Capricorn, but I can't remember.
I'll have to go back and re-watch it when I have time) is a bad
one. Apparently those who have that
sign are destined to get a head injury.
Wow...who
wrote these horoscopes? It certainly
wasn't Eugenia Last. I blame Veronica.
Well,
apparently we can figure out when Jughead's approximate birthday is from this
statement because a rogue soccer ball bounces off of Jughead's skull and
renders him temporarily dazed and confused - which admittedly is not far from
how Jughead acts on a daily basis, but let's just go with it.
The
rest of the team is initially concerned that Jughead might have even more brain
damage than they initially thought, but when Archie holds up a sandwich in
front of Jughead, he recovers quickly.
I do hope the sandwich that Archie held up was a fresh one and not the
same one that Jughead dropped when he got bopped on the noggin. Sandwiches with dirt, grass clippings, and
ants does not make a nutritious lunch.
To
be sure that nothing is wrong with Jughead, the rest of the team want to take
him to get checked out by the school nurse, but Jughead says he is fine, aside
from a strange vision he had when he was temporarily out of it. He can't explain it, but he had visions of
Mr. Weatherbee floating on a raft that was being carried by a wave of
water.
At
that same time, Mr. Weatherbee happens to be in the boiler room/basement of
Riverdale Junior High School investigating a problem that is going on. We aren't sure what the problem is, but
given that Weatherbee is doing the examinations, I'm guessing that Mr. Svenson
hasn't been hired yet.
Mr.
Weatherbee hears something strange from behind one of the doors, and when he
opens it up, he is swept away by a gigantic wave of water! Ah, so I guess the school's water pressure
was way low.
The
force of the water is so great that it shoots Mr. Weatherbee out of a window
and sends him splashing towards the soccer team on a discarded mattress that
happened to have been in the basement/boiler room at the time.
Initially,
the team offers no concern to Weatherbee and his wet business suit and cheer
for his performance with Moose and Big Ethel giving him a 8.6...but then they
think back to what Jughead's crazy dream was, and realize that he predicted
what happened five minutes before it really happened. But, no, it has to be a coincidence, right?
Well,
in Grundy's classroom after soccer practice wraps up, Reggie seems to feel that
Jughead's sudden ability to predict the future can help him out. Reggie is extremely concerned about his
grades because he has spent his free time playing pranks on Archie, chasing
after Betty and Veronica, and spending his allowance at Pop Tate's playing
Super Mario Brothers and Mr. Do. But
all Reggie gets for trying to get Jughead to spill his guts about his report
card is a tongue lashing from Miss Grundy.
You see, when one develops soccer ball induced ESP, one ironically enough
cannot predict when one will have a prediction moment. One has to wait for it.
Amazingly,
Jughead gets his dazed and confused look in the middle of class, and Miss
Grundy does nothing to stop it! Some
teacher she is! No wonder Reggie is
afraid of her!
Anyway,
the recipient of today's fortune is the ever so snobby Veronica Lodge, and
Jughead makes the stunning prediction that Veronica will be the sweetest girl
in the whole class the very next day.
Now, this is a prediction that I have a hard time with. Betty, Amani, Big Ethel...hell, even Miss
Grundy is sweeter than Veronica is. On
a good day. But Veronica takes the
prediction in stride and says that she will wear her best dress that
day...because in order to be the sweetest girl in class, you have to look
hot. Veronica says so, and the word of
Veronica Lodge is golden. Or made of
Fool's Gold. You take your pick.
As
luck would have it, the class is on another field trip - seriously, this is two
trips in one season. Do they ever learn
anything in class?
This
time, the class is at a candy making factory where they will learn how to make
a bonbon. Because learning how to dip
things in chocolate sauce will come in handy when you're studying to be an
accountant, fitness instructor, or President of the United States of
America.
Oh,
and there's Veronica Lodge in her best dress shoving people out of the way and
telling everyone to move, which causes Archie to roll his eyes and call out
Jughead for his bogus prediction...
...right
around the same time that Veronica's rudeness catches up with her and she sails
right into the giant vat of chocolate dipping sauce. Yes, Veronica has successfully demonstrated how to make the
perfect 93-pound bonbon.
Doesn't
she look so sweet in all that chocolate?
I guess Jughead's prediction came true after all, though not exactly how
anybody would have thought. Jughead
himself even stated that in his prediction, Veronica looked like a chocolate
Easter Bunny - and with that huge bow in her hair, it's an accurate
description.
By
now, Reggie is absolutely convinced that Jughead can see into the future, and
attempts to bribe him with lunch at Pop's to get him to spill about his report
card. Silly Reggie...you just never
learn.
And
apparently Reggie isn't the only one who thinks that they can insert a quarter
and get a prediction filled with nougat and caramel from the Jughead's
prediction vending machine. The whole
gang swarms Reggie and Jughead's table to try and get predictions as well -
well, all except Veronica who has only come to give Jughead the bill for dry
cleaning her chocolate stained dress.
Um, Veronica. You fell in a tub
of chocolate that likely had to be thrown out because you contaminated it. I would think you have more to worry about
financially than Jughead does. Just
saying.
All
this attention is causing Reggie to get angry because he wants the next
prediction, and Jughead is about to tell them to go away when he has another
prediction coming out of his head. And
after a couple of moments, Jughead points towards the front entrance of Pop
Tate's making the fortune cookie worthy prediction "The bad news beast
spoils the feast" which makes everybody go "HUH?!?"
Shortly
after that, a paperboy randomly throws a newspaper into Pop's, and it must be
the edition with all of the flyers and TV Guide listings because the paper is
so heavy that it squashes Jughead's burger and fries combo into a pancake. Another prediction successfully made by
Jughead.
Apparently
Jughead's gift of seeing the future has now made local news. It's the top story in the Riverdale
newspaper (probably Reggie gave them the idea, as his father works for the
newspaper), and in it are pictures of Mr. Weatherbee on the wet mattress, and
Veronica covered in chocolate which causes Veronica to storm off in a huff and
Jughead to cry over his ruined lunch.
In fact, Jughead is so upset that he grabs his ruined food and walks out
of Pop's in silence.
Archie
quickly follows Jughead out the door, and Jughead admits that ever since he got
the gift of seeing the future, he has been miserable. All his fortunes cause someone to get some form of misfortune
(although one could argue that Veronica got her just desserts), and he doesn't
want to have the gift any more. But
since Riverdale doesn't have a Walmart, Archie is brainstorming with Jughead on
how to get rid of his future telling abilities and Archie wonders how he got
the ability in the first place.
Which
leads to the example of Archie kicking dozens of soccer balls at Jughead's head
to try and get rid of the gift as quickly as he got it. Unfortunately, Archie sucks as a soccer
player, and keeps missing Jughead. Hey,
here's an idea. Tie Jughead to a chair
and whack him over the head with a frying pan.
It would less painful for us to watch...but probably more painful for poor
Jughead.
And
Reggie, who has now developed a sick obsession with Jughead's future telling
machine, arrives on his bike with an array of fabulous prizes that Jughead can
win if the price is right if he will tell Reggie about his grades and what he
can do to butter up Miss Grundy. But
with Jughead trying to get rid of his gift, he completely ignores Reggie who
pitches a temper tantrum and throws a soccer ball in the air...
...which
causes this AWESOME screenshot.
After
Jughead gets smashed with the ball, he keeps repeating "tell me what you
see, tell me what you see"...and Jughead tells Reggie what HE sees.
He
sees Miss Grundy.
He
sees a tango lesson going on in one of the classrooms.
He
sees a great big frog.
And
just like that, Reggie has the answers he is looking for and speeds away on his
bike reciting "Grundy, Frog, Tango" as if he has been hypnotized by
the world's worst hypnotist. But hey,
the soccer ball kick worked, as Jughead is back to normal and tells Archie that
he simply told Reggie what he saw and that in no way did he predict the
future.
In
short, Jughead pulls the ultimate prank on Reggie. Keep watching.
We
then come into the school auditorium where Miss Grundy has taken out her
dentures to show the class how important it is to maintain oral hygiene. Well, okay, those teeth are too big to be
dentures. But seriously, these are
12-13 year old students. If they don't
know how to defray decay by now, they're hopeless. But seeing Miss Grundy with a life-sized toothbrush brushing a
giant pair of chompers is great for a sight gag.
Of
course, it's not as funny of a gag as a five foot tall frog approaching from
stage right and suddenly grabbing the teacher to have a tango dance with
her. Seriously, Miss Grundy cannot
believe her eyes as the frog twirls her around the floor, toothbrush in mouth,
spinning her faster than the contestants on "Wheel of Fortune" spin
the wheel. The audience is hooting and
hollering, and I have to admit, it is a hysterical scene.
Of
course, Reggie is the one in the frog costume, and seeing how angry Miss Grundy
is immediately bursts into tears, grabs onto her leg, and tells her that he's
sorry, Jughead made him do it, and please not fail him for his absolute
incompetence. To which Grundy responds
that Reggie's grades are fine and that he is in no danger of repeating seventh
grade...but his actions during class will net him a punishment of clapping
blackboard erasers together to clean them.
(Hey,
it was the eighties. It was a
legitimate punishment back then. That
chalk dust makes you sneeze!)
So,
we end the episode with Archie and Jughead skating down the street with a
soccer ball in hand listening to music, and Jughead makes one joke of a
prediction where he says that Veronica will be bitten by giant jaws, which
causes both Archie and Jughead to laugh as Archie discards the soccer ball in a
random building.
At
the same time, Betty and Veronica are cleaning up in the auditorium after
Reggie and Miss Grundy's tango dance, laughing at Reggie's misfortune when
Betty - still obsessed over horoscopes - reads Veronica's, who happens to be a
Scorpio. The horoscope reads
"Beware of getting bit on the foot", which causes Veronica to laugh,
as it happens to be the same prediction that Jughead jokingly made.
At
which point, the soccer ball that Archie threw bounces across the auditorium,
knocks the giant dentures off the platform, and lands on Veronica's leg, which
causes her to angrily scream Jughead's name.
It's
too bad we don't really see any more Jughead predictions throughout the rest of
the series, as we will never know if Jughead really did lose his gift, or
whether the second soccer ball injury enhanced his gift. But whatever the case, what a great episode! I'll tell you why I loved it so much. First, it had Jughead as the main star, and
when he's actually given dialogue and plot, he makes it work very well. Secondly, he gets to put one over on
Veronica and Reggie, who up until now have been incredibly disgusting human
beings. In fact, it's after this episode
that Veronica actually begins to grow into a more well-rounded human...though
not by much. Reggie's still a jerk
though.
And
hey...the tango scene made the episode.
Next
week also happens to involve a plot that uses the future...in this case, we learn
how life could turn out if some of our favourite characters got married! In fact, here's a sneak preview clip of what to expect!
I have a fairly good memory. In fact, some would say that it is abnormally good. I remember things that happened to me 30 years ago, while some others can't remember what happened to them 30 seconds ago. It's a blessing and a curse to have such a good memory. A blessing because I remember all the good times, and a curse because I remember all the bad times. And I also tend to remember the most random things that seem so insignificant, but had some impact. For instance, I remember an incident when I was about 20, 21, and I was on some Internet forum. A person had asked a question about a particular topic (I believe it was a question about what was more important in a relationship - trust or love), and I typed in a response as to what my thoughts were on the subject. (For the record, I believe you have to have both to make a successful relationship, but again, that's strictly my opinion.) Anyway, after I typed out my response, I had some people agree with what I said, and some people who chose to see a different side. But that's fine. People can agree to disagree. But then there was one person who rather than look at the comment, posted his own response directed at me which stated that reading my post made them fall asleep at their keyboard and that if I ever wanted to get his attention, I should post less and write less because I bored him to tears. Now, obviously this was an Internet troll who probably had a lot of insecurities about himself so he chose to humiliate others they felt threatened by. But, I have to say that while I don't agree with the way he called me out, I begrudgingly admit that he did make a good point. Truth be told, while I had no choice but to disconnect from the Internet while I moved, I have to say it was really good to get away from the blog for a while. I had spent four years updating the blog every day, feeling compelled to write an entry about pop culture and life every single day because I felt that if I missed a day, I would be considered lazy, or that I didn't care. And you know, for the first couple of years, I really had no trouble with doing it. But lately, I've been getting lazy with it, and I haven't been putting forth as much effort in the blog as I would ideally like. So, that's why I have made the decision to cut back on postings from 7 days a week to 4. If something happens that I need to take an extra day, so be it. But I need to use this time to refresh my writing skills and take more time out for myself. So, beginning now, the days in which I will post are Sundays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Sundays will be music themed, Tuesday Timelines will go on, and Fridays I will be doing my New Archies Reviewed series. Wednesdays will be a topic of my choosing. Thanks for understanding, guys. I am not giving up on the PCA just yet...I just need to have a little breather.
Welcome
to the first Tuesday Timeline entry in about a week and a
half!
I
do apologize to those of you who were expecting an entry on September 1. I didn't get my Internet hooked back up
until September 7 (I spent the period between August 28 and September 6
shopping for furniture and unpacking all of my belongings to put in the new
place). But I promise that I will make
it up to you next year. In fact, I've
already written myself a reminder to do a September 1 Tuesday Timeline entry in
2016. Not that I have a hard time
remembering in general. I just do it
because I want to.
In
the meantime, it is September 8, and for most people in my neck of the woods,
it happens to be the first day back to school and college. I do hope that all of you have a great first
week back at classes, and I hope that all of you grade school students
remembered your green crayons. You will
have a difficult time learning about photosynthesis without one.
So,
it's been a while since I have been back on this blog, and I have to tell you,
I am a bit rusty at this. Therefore,
I've chosen a topic that is an easy one to write about. I guess you could call it a "where are
they now" kind of post.
That's
your only hint as we proceed with the general happenings of September 8 throughout
history.
1504 - Michelangelo's "David" is unveiled to
the public
1781 - The Battle of Eutaw Springs in South Carolina
takes place during the American Revolutionary War
1888 - The body of Annie Chapman - the second victim of
serial killer Jack the Ripper - is found
1892 - The Pledge of Allegiance is first recited
1900 - A devastating hurricane flattens the community of
Galveston, Texas; 8,000 people lose their lives - one of the deadliest
hurricanes to hit the United States
1921 - Margaret Gorman becomes the first person to win
the title of Miss America
1922 - Actor/comedian Sid Caesar (d. 2014) is born in
Yonkers, New York
1925 - Actor Peter Sellers (d. 1980) is born in England
1930 - Scotch tape is first marketed by 3M
1932 - Country singer Patsy Cline (d. 1963) is born in
Gore, Virginia
1943 - President Eisenhower publicly announces the
Allied armistice with Italy during World War II
1947 - Singer Benjamin Orr (d. 2000) is born in
Lakewood, Ohio
1951 - The Treaty of San Francisco is signed
1952 - The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) makes
its first television broadcast
1966 - Star Trek premieres on NBC
1975 - Leonard Matlovich, an American Air Force Tech
Sergeant, appears on the cover of TIME Magazine in full uniform, officially coming
out as a homosexual
1988 - Due to forest fires that were out of control,
Yellowstone National Park is closed to the public for the very first time
1991 - Actor Brad Davis dies of a drug overdose, aged 41
2003 - 15/Love co-stars Jaclyn Linetsky and Vadim
Schneider are killed in a motor vehicle accident in Quebec, Canada - both were
just 17 years old
And
for celebrity birthdays today, we have the following people turning one year
older; Jacqueline Ceballos, Bernie Sanders, Mark Lindsay Chapman, Anne Diamond, Heather Thomas, Carmen Campagne, Aimee Mann, David Steele, Thomas Kretschmann, Brad Silberling, Darlene Zschech, Kimberly Peirce, David Arquette, Brooke Burke-Charvet, Martin Freeman, Khalid Goncalves, Lisa Kennedy Montgomery, Gabrial McNair, Troy Sanders, Larenz Tate, Nate Corddry, Alecia "P!nk" Moore, Austin "Chumlee" Russell, Chantal Jones, and Ella Rae Peck.
Okay,
so what date are we going to go back in time to today?
Well,
how about we go back to the early 1980s?
September 8, 1981, to be exact.
Now,
as I mentioned before in this post, today's subject is one of those "Where
Are They Now" type stories.
September 8, 1981 happens to be the birthdate of today's Tuesday
Timeline spotlight, making him 34 years old today. And what makes this person so interesting is that he made it big
when he was barely ten years old, and left the industry at the peak of his
popularity. He's made very few
appearances since, leaving some to wonder what happened to him. Some believe that he was disenchanted with
the industry and yearned for a normal life.
Some believe that he got hooked up on drugs. There was even that nasty little death rumour that all
celebrities that have not been heard from in some time have experienced.
I
figure that I would set the record straight by doing some research into his
life before, during, and after success to find out the real truth behind what
really happened to Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
And
to begin this story, we'll start with the moment in which he became a huge
star.
It
was September 17, 1991 - nine days after Thomas turned ten. A brand new show was set to air on ABC's
Tuesday Night comedy block, a series of programming that also included ratings
winners "Roseanne" and "Full House". It was a show that starred comedian Tim
Allen as the bumbling host of a home improvement show called "Tool
Time", and how he balanced his work life with his home life, where he was
husband to Jill, and father to three boys between the ages of six and ten.
The
show was "Home Improvement", and it was one of ABC's most successful
programs, ranking within the Top 10 during its entire eight season run.
And
while Tim Allen and Patricia Richardson were the leads of the program, it can
be argued that the breakout star of the show was Jonathan Taylor Thomas, who
played middle son, Randy. Mind you, the
other two Taylor kids played by Taran Noah Smith and Zachary Ty Bryan were
quite good as well, but it was Jonathan who was on the cover of teen magazines. It was Jonathan who was plastered all over
the bedroom walls of teenage girls. It
was Jonathan who ended up with choice movie and film roles, all before the age
of sixteen.
Not
bad for a kid who was born Jonathan Weiss in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania who got
his start on a really bad Brady Bunch spinoff in 1990.
Certainly,
"Home Improvement" was a definite step up from being a Brady child's
child. But that wasn't the only place
where he shone. In 1994, Thomas won the
coveted role of young Simba in the film "The Lion King", which is
still considered one of the best Disney films ever made. And his work with Disney continued
throughout the 1990s, with Thomas appearing in such films as "I'll Be Home
For Christmas", "Tom and Huck", and "Wild America".
It
almost seemed like it was destined that Thomas would become Hollywood's next
golden boy, with dreams of a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, an Oscar
nomination, and the chance to become People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.
Which
is why many people were shocked when at the age of 17, Thomas made the decision
to walk away from show business.
He
made the decision shortly after "Home Improvement" ended filming on
its seventh season and had been renewed for an eighth. While Thomas still had good feelings about
the show, and had no ill-will towards any of his castmates or people that he
worked with, he felt as though he needed to do something more than act. He wanted to focus more on his studies and
graduate from high school with the possibility of going to college to further
expand his opportunities.
And,
you know...I say bravo to him. It takes
a lot of maturity to weigh the pros and cons of everything before making the
choice that he felt was right for him.
And ultimately, he ended up getting what he wanted. In 2000, he graduated from high school, and
ten years later earned a degree from the Columbia University School of General
Studies - after taking a turn at Harvard University. I'd say he did well academically, wouldn't you?
And,
so the eighth and final season of the show aired during the 1998/1999 season,
and while Thomas did make appearances in a couple of episodes, the show ended
its run on May 25, 1999 - without Thomas participating. Although, Thomas was working on a film
during that shoot, so I suppose he had a good reason.
So,
it's been sixteen years since "Home Improvement" ended. What happened to Jonathan Taylor Thomas?
Well,
I can tell you that he isn't dead. I
can also tell you that unlike some child stars, Thomas has never really been in
trouble with the law, or has been addicted to drugs, or anything like
that. In fact, you could say that he
turned out quite...normal!
And
while his acting jobs have slowed down, he hasn't completely given up on
it. While he mostly limits himself to
voice roles now, Thomas did make a few appearances in Tim Allen's most recent
sitcom, "Last Man Standing", now currently in its fifth season.
Just
goes to show you that the influence of Hollywood doesn't wreck everybody. If only Taran Noah Smith learned that
lesson...
I am all moved in, and I just got my Internet back up and running, so I will be back to posting on this blog again. The catch is...I've decided that it will no longer be 7 days a week. I'm cutting back to at least 3 a week, but possibly four. And, I will explain my reasons for that in another blog post. Right now though, I want to thank everybody who helped me move into my new place. Believe me, I could not have done any of this without any of your help. Much thanks. And, yes...I will provide some photos of before and after shots of the house for you to look at. Believe me, we all did a lot of work. For now, I'm back. And I have a lot of catching up to do! Later!
Well,
here it is, everyone! My final blog
post for a little while at least. This
weekend is the weekend in which I am unplugging everything in preparation for
the big move. I'm not sure when I will
be back up and running, but I am sure that it won't be long. And when I do come back, I will be
announcing a couple of changes to this blog...changes that I hope will affect
the quality of the blog, but will inevitably change the quantity. More on that when I get back.
In
the meantime, we have another episode of The New Archies to review. Let's get to it, shall we?
In
this episode (Episode 4A - The Awful Truth). we're going to learn just
how the truth can sting just a little too much. In the case of this episode, Eugene just may as well have shoved
scorpions down everybody's pants.
We
open the episode at Riverdale Junior High, where every girl in school is
crowding around a bulletin board. But
why? Is there a school club for girls? Is there a special offer that is first come,
first serve?
Well,
overhearing the conversation between Betty, Veronica, and Amani, we quickly
learn that the Junior Miss Riverdale Pageant is coming to Riverdale Junior
High, and apparently every girl in school tried out for it.
Well,
all except Amani who doesn't believe in beauty contests. Um, so why are you there Amani? I'm guessing to give moral support to Betty
and Veronica.
Oh,
that's right. Veronica's a
self-absorbed twit who thinks that she is hot stuff and that no amount of hair
spray would ever many anyone more beautiful than her. So, basically Amani is there for Betty because Betty isn't a
jerk. At least, not yet.
Hey...where
did that music come from? I hope it's
not foreshadowing.
Anyway,
Betty just wants to see if she's a finalist in the competition, and Amani comes
up with the idea to announce that Michael J. Fox happens to be in the
school! On one hand, kudos to the
showrunners for coming up with a then-recent reference to pop culture. On the other hand, by 1987, Fox had become a
star with "Family Ties" and "Back To The Future". Does Amani really think that she can trick a
bunch of junior high aged girls to leaving the bulletin board alone by claiming
that a celebrity would come and visit their podunk hamlet?
Apparently so. Wow, either Amani is
some super genius...or the girls of Riverdale are as dumb as posts.
At
any rate, there's a party going on at Lodge Mansion in celebration of Veronica
making it into the semi-finalist round, and judging by Betty's reaction, she
must have made it in as well.Again,
Amani didn't try out at all.Why is she
so excited?Then again, Amani could
just be offering her support to Betty, since Veronica is a deplorable human
being.
Betty,
Veronica, and Amani are so happy and excited that they fail to realize that
they are holding up the guys, and Archie, showing that he apparently has the
strength of a hundred men literally drags all three girls into the limousine
that is taking them to Veronica's house for a pool party! Wow, if this party is celebrating Veronica
being a semi-finalist, I can't wait to see what wingding they plan on having if
she won!
So,
if you ever wanted to know what pool parties in the 1980s were like, well, they
featured girls in ugly swimsuits, a personal chef grilling hot dogs, and what
appears to be "A Flock Of Seagulls" or "Honeymoon Suite"
playing for them.Wow, Veronica threw
wild parties even at age 12!
Ah,
and here comes Eugene with some sort of...invention.At first glance, it kind of looks like someone combined a
football with that vacuum cleaner from that Teletubbies show. And, of course, Eugene believes that it is
going to be an invention that will win him the Inventor of the Year award.
But
all it seems to do is make a whole lot of noise, which causes Reggie to screw
up his dive...
...and
Jughead spraying mustard all over his eyes.
While
Veronica walks over to yell at Eugene for interrupting her party, Amani and
Betty are discussing the pageant, in which Betty admits that she is nervous
about the question portion of the event.
After all, a beauty contest finalist can only wish for world peace for
so many times before people start to get bored. Interestingly enough, Eugene - who has gotten away from Veronica
- pops his head up through the bushes and asks Betty if she wants to be his
guinea pig for his project. Betty says
yes...but I don't think she quite understood what she was saying yes to.
Whatever
the case, Eugene turns on the machine and it blows a cloud of smoke into
Betty's face, and Betty goes from being sugar and spice and everything nice to
shrieking harpy bitch in six seconds.
Seriously,
Eugene's invention happens to be a truth telling machine that is more intense
than police polygraph tests. It makes
the person who was sprayed with it tell nothing but the truth...no matter how
hurtful it may be.
And
let's just say that Betty Cooper must have had a lot of deep rooted rage in her
heart because she holds nothing back.Veronica almost gets ready to slap Betty after Betty calls her an
egotistical snob.She makes Reggie fall
into the pool again after she calls his diving lame.And Betty thinks that Archie's bathing suit is so tacky that
Archie actually falls over in his beach chair.
Ah,
but crafty Eugene doesn't want to know what Betty will tell him, so before she
bares her fangs and spews venom over him, he blasts her with another shot of
serum which causes Betty to stop being so honest and remorseful for her
actions.
Oh,
but wait.Veronica's getting a really
nasty idea.See, look.You can view it in her little thought
bubble.Since the truth telling machine
will cause Betty to only tell the truth, she can use it to make Betty and the
other contestants insult the judges so that Veronica will win by default.
In
other words, she has really learned nothing.
Ah,
but Eugene simply isn't going to let Veronica borrow the truth telling
invention the way that one would rent the VHS copy of "Dirty Dancing"
from Blockbuster Video. So, Veronica
decides that she'll get it...later.
Later
just happens to be in the middle of the night outside of Eugene's house.And surprise, surprise, she's dragged her
partner in crime Reggie with her.Seriously, can these two be made any more unlikable?
But
hey, at least we get a chance to see what Eugene's room looks like. It kind of reminds me of Screech's room from
"Saved By The Bell" with all the electronic gadgets and gizmos. I half expect Kevin the Robot to make an
appearance.
Anyway,
Veronica decides that if Eugene won't lend her the truth machine...she'll just
break into his house and steal it. Wow,
resorting to breaking and entering to win a beauty contest. Isn't that the American way?
Unfortunately,
Veronica nearly foils her own plot when she steps on a horn and thinks that
she's screwed.But Eugene is too busy
dreaming about Amani in a bikini to wake up.
The
next day at school, Betty is prepared to open up her locker to grab homework,
her lunch, or the 378 photos of Archie that she has plastered everywhere when
she gets a shock!
Veronica
and Reggie have hidden in Betty's locker with Eugene's truth telling machine
and give Betty another dose of truth serum, reverting her back to her bitchy
ways and...
...wait
a minute.Reggie, Veronica, and the
truth machine all fit inside of Betty's locker?Just how big are the lockers at Riverdale Junior High?My high school lockers were never that big -
and I had one of the largest lockers in the whole school my senior year!I'm jealous!
Oh,
yeah. Back to the plot.Betty insults Mr. Weatherbee's weight and
likely ends up getting detention.She
also insults Miss Grundy and she will likely have to copy out Amani's favourite
section of the encyclopedia from "I Gotta Be Me, Or Is It You".She also tells a random student that she
didn't invite her to her party because she hates her guts...but since it's not
Amani, Veronica, or Big Ethel, we're not supposed to care.
Well,
after insulting everyone in the hallways of Riverdale Junior High, she decides
to pay Archie a visit in the art room, where he has painted a portrait of
Jughead. And, Betty, being influenced
by truth juice tells Archie that he has made Jughead look like a fat pig and
that his apple looks like it is rotten.
And
Betty must be telling the truth because Jughead comes to life in the painting
and tells Archie the same thing that Betty said - which would imply that Archie
has major issues, but nevertheless Archie has a sneaking suspicion that Eugene
has used his truth-telling machine on Betty and rushes out to find him before
Betty insults the President of the United States and starts World War III.
(Or,
at least before the beauty contest begins.)
But
when Archie finally finds Eugene in another classroom, Eugene is near
tears.Eugene tells Archie that someone
stole his machine, and that he should have just listened to Veronica when she
asked to borrow it.At which point,
Archie realizes Veronica's dirty scheme and decides to confront her about it.
Naturally,
Veronica denies having any involvement in Betty becoming Miss Honesty 1987 and
denies even having Eugene's truth-telling machine - at least until Betty comes
around and tells Veronica that her hair looks like a troll doll.Okay, so the real word she used was frizzy,
but same difference, right?
The
good news is that Archie sets out to go on a mission to retrieve the
truth-telling machine, spray Betty back to normal with it, and make Veronica
eat her words.
The
bad news? He's recruited Jughead to be
his partner in crime.
After
looking through the whole school for any evidence, Jughead and Archie are ready
to give up on the whole thing, but Archie has a brilliant idea. He suspects that Veronica would hide it in a
spot in which Archie and Jughead would never set foot in.
That's
right. The machine is in the girls'
gym.
And
let me tell you. Jughead and Archie
could learn some lessons from RuPaul in how to dress up in drag. Flour bags, potted plants, and mops are not
exactly accessories that the modern woman would ever wear.
But
it looks like Archie's found the machine hidden in Veronica's locker.Look!It has her name written on it!And it's four times the size of all the other lockers!My god, does she think she can have
everything she wants when she wants it?I bet the water fountain next to her homeroom provides Perrier, and she
probably gets Miss Beazley to give her caviar for lunch!
At
the same time, Betty is about to approach the stage, getting ready to insult
everybody that she comes in contact with while Veronica is sitting on the
sidelines, cackling like a hyena knowing that Betty is about to become less
classy than Mama June and Honey Boo Boo!
But
alas, Veronica's plans are spoiled, and Archie and Jughead manage to turn on
the machine, zap Betty back to normal, and she becomes her usual, charming self
- with a lot of repressed anger, but I digress.
At
that point, Jughead puts on his Walkman to listen to music as Eugene has a
heart-warming reunion with his truth-telling machine.
But
the reunion does not last long, as Jughead accidentally knocks the machine out
of Eugene's hands, and it bounces across the auditorium floor.I mean it, it literally bounces like one of
those rubber balls that you would see in those lottery draws.
And
every time it bounces, it sprays truth serum all over random people.
First,
Archie gets sprayed, which causes Archie to admit what all of us knew
already. Eugene's inventions suck.
Jughead
gets sprayed next, and makes fun of Archie's hair, which causes Archie to make
fun of Jughead's name.
The
MC of the pageant is next, and he introduces Veronica Lodge as the biggest
spoiled brat he has ever seen. Totally
awesome.
Oh,
Veronica gets a blast of karmic retribution when she ends up sprayed, and
insults the MC's hair.
Eugene
finally gets the device to stop...but there is nothing he can do to stop the
insanity as the truth serum is all used up.
So, he is forced to watch with horror as the Junior Miss Riverdale
Pageant ends up being one gigantic mosh pit of hurt feelings and anger.
Then
again, isn't that how most pageants end?
Okay, so at this point, I must bid a brief
farewell for now. This will be the
first time I will be taking a break, and it is absolutely necessary because I
have to finish up the last touches on the hacienda. But I will be back at some point. Take care, my friends.
Oh, and happy golden jubilee to my Mom and Dad! 50 years together. If only all marriages could last as long or longer.