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Monday, December 21, 2015

Have A Sober Jolly Christmas!

Well, I don't have a whole lot of time to spend writing today's piece, and I almost considered not doing one at all...but since I'm near the end of A POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR, I figure I can't very well abandon it now.



So, this is Day #21's entry.  And, I'm going to begin this article by telling you a personal story and linking it to the main subject of this piece.

Don't worry...the personal story is quite funny, and nobody got hurt.  I may have been very embarrassed, but nobody got hurt.

Now, there are a couple of things that you need to know before I go ahead with this story.

First, the legal drinking age in Ontario, Canada (where I am from) is nineteen.  It has been nineteen for as long as I can remember, anyway.

And second...I was a very naive, very STUPID ten-year-old who believed everything that anybody told me.  I have since fine tuned my internal lie detector inside my brain, but I feel you all should be aware of this fact just so it makes sense.

So, this story takes place during Christmas 1991.  I was ten, and my next oldest sibling was my then 19-year-old sister.  I happened to come downstairs to the family living room where the Christmas tree and presents were located, and I noticed that she was drinking some sort of beverage inside of a small glass. 

Being the curious sort that I was back at the age of ten, I asked her what she was drinking.  And to be honest with you, I probably should have noticed the wheels turning inside of her head, and I should have been a lot smarter than I was back then, but little did I know at the time that she was planning a rather horrifying but clever trick on me.

She informed me that what she was drinking was chocolate milk from Germany.  And right off the bat I should have been skeptical since no dairy product could survive a trip across the Atlantic Ocean without being properly refrigerated.  But unfortunately, my love for chocolate milk trumped all, and I asked her if I could have some.

Oh, she smirked at me and did her best to keep from laughing as she served me a glass of "German Chocolate Milk", knowing that Mom and Dad were out Christmas shopping at the time and that was how she could get away with the prank she was going to play on me. 

For what it was worth, the "chocolate milk" wasn't that bad tasting.  It sure didn't taste like any chocolate milk that I ever had before, but it didn't make me throw up or anything.  I quite liked it.  In fact, I believe I asked for another glass of it, it tasted so good.

Well, it was at that moment that my sister had to confess her little trick before it had gotten out of hand.

You see, what I was drinking wasn't chocolate milk from Germany.



What I was drinking was a cocktail made from Kahlua...which happens to be a very alcoholic drink.

Yes, you read it here first.  At the age of 10, my sister tried to get me plastered.  Luckily her conscience kicked in before things went too far, but needless to say, I wasn't very impressed - even if it DID taste great.

Fortunately, we all laugh about it now.  And, frankly, this was all done in the safety of our own home.  Besides, it wasn't as though things went very far anyway. 

So, how does this link to today's blog topic?  Simple.  The idea is to be responsible no matter what.

I mean, obviously, you shouldn't give cocktails to a ten year old unless it happens to be a Shirley Temple, or a fruit punch that hasn't been spiked. 

In all seriousness though, there's a good possibility that many of you will be going out to Christmas and New Years Eve parties over the holidays, and chances are that you will be enjoying a couple of cold beers, a glass or two of egg nog, some champagne for a toast, or some really wacky alcoholic beverage that consists of creme de menthe, Dr. Pepper, and a candy cane for garnish that can only be served during the holidays.

(Hey, that last one could happen.)

It's okay to indulge a little bit during the holiday season.  We all do it.  What's NOT okay is to indulge and put other people's lives as risk.  Drunk driving is still a factor in many fatal car accidents, and as far as I am concerned, there's no excuse why anyone should be behind the wheel while intoxicated.  Zero tolerance.

So, what can you do to ensure that you still have a good time, and are alive to remember it?

Well, here's some tips.

1.  Space out alcoholic beverages with water.  It dilutes the alcohol and makes it slower for the alcohol to take effect.

2.  Have taxi cab fare on hand for people who need it.  Whether you call the good old cab company or Uber it, if you've had too much to drink, you'd better call a cab.

3.  Take the bus.  Some cities have bus service that run late - some as late as one o'clock in the morning.  Definitely take advantage of it if you want.

4.  Prepare guest rooms.  This comes in handy if your guests live a considerable distance away.  Better to have peace of mind knowing that they're sleeping in your home rather than having them die while on the way to theirs.


Let's all work together to make sure that all our holidays are safe and happy ones.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

The Scents of Christmas Past, Present, and Future



So, this is it.  We're down to the final stretch of holiday fun.  At last check, this is Day #20 in A POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR, and all I have to say is that if you haven't finished your holiday shopping (or even started your holiday shopping for that matter), you'd best hurry up.  There's only a few precious days left.

You also may want to bring along a compass and Band-Aids...in case you get lost or injured at the mall.  Believe me, if I didn't work in retail, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would not be anywhere near a mall the last week before Christmas!

Fear not though.  I am here to help with another cool gift idea for you to consider.  And as luck would have it, it happens to be tied to today's theme!

I'm sure everybody has heard of Mr. Sketch markers, right?  They're those felt tip markers that are in bright colours, smell like fruit, and seem to last several years?

(No kidding.  I got a set for a birthday gift when I was ten, and I was still using them at 16.  Definitely a good quality product, believe me.)

Well, during the holiday season, Mr. Sketch came out with a special 6-pack of scented markers that each have a different holiday scent to them.  Have a look!



Now, my only regret is that I can't let you smell these markers yourself.  I don't think the Internet provides "Smell-O-Vision" just yet.  But I can assure you that all six scents definitely remind me of the holidays.

In fact, that's what I've decided to make this post all about.  Smells that remind you of the holidays.

Of course, I'll be talking about all six scents that these markers release, but I think there are other holiday scents that Mr. Sketch may have not thought about and therefore I'll be adding my own suggestions along with the colour that I think would work best.



The first marker in the package is red, and according to the legend, the red marker emits a candy cane scent.  Certainly, this one is one that I can get behind.  In fact, of the six colours that are in this package, the red is my favourite.  Now, candy canes are one of those things that are quite optional.  Some people love putting them on their trees as decorations, while others just don't bother.  I'll admit that I used to use candy canes, but by the time Christmas came, we'd have maybe two out of 24 canes still on the tree because we all ate the other 22.  Still, there's nothing quite like the scent of a peppermint candy cane, and while I suppose the scent is the same as a package of Doublemint gum, the smell and taste of a candy cane absolutely reminds me that Christmas is coming.

(SAFETY WARNING:  Do NOT eat Mr. Sketch markers.)



The next colour in the mix is kind of a light yellow colour...almost beige.  But there's a good reason for that.  Do you maybe notice that the colour of the marker is almost the same colour as cookie dough?  That's because the marker has a sugar cookie scent.  And really, what's Christmas without cookies?  Why else do you think I used cookies as the theme for this year's advent calendar?  Cookies that are baking in the oven are admittedly a common smell during the holidays.  I think my mother bakes enough cookies during the month of December to keep every bakery in town stocked up...until Christmas 2018.  For what it's worth, I love the scent of this marker...but since yellow is not my favourite colour, this marker doesn't really get used a lot.



Next up is a dark green colour, and gee...I can't imagine what Christmas item you could find that is dark green in colour...except for maybe the centerpiece of any Christmas celebration.  Yes, the green marker is supposed to represent pine needles...but instead, I think the good people at Mr. Sketch used too much scented stuff in the marker because instead of smelling like pine needles, it smells more like Pine-Sol.  But you can't argue the logic of having pine needles as the quintessential holiday scent.  Back in the days when my family used real Christmas trees, it truly was the sign that Christmas was here...the smell of a freshly cut pine tree.  Now that I use artificial trees, that Christmas joy seems to be slightly less magical.  But I suppose that if I really wanted to recapture that authenticity, I could either buy pine scented Febreze or hang up a dozen of those car air fresheners on the tree itself.



The purple marker is perhaps one of the most confusing of all, because it's scent represents something that I completely had no idea even existed.  But according to the marker legend, it represents sugar plums.  You know, sugar plums?  The things that the kids dream about in "Twas The Night Before Christmas"?  Apparently, they really do exist.  They aren't really plums, but they kind of look like purple jujubes sprinkled in sugar crystals.  I've actually never seen one, let alone eaten one, so I have no idea if the marker is accurate in their scent.  But, it's a pleasant enough smell.  I imagine the Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker smelling just as sweet...well, if she were real, that is.



In this package, there's also a brown marker, and the only brown things that I can think of that could also be the colours of Christmas stuff are yule logs and gingerbread houses.  And, well...in this case, they went with gingerbread.  Now, I have to say, I am not the biggest gingerbread fan in the world.  I could maybe bite the head off of a gingerbread man and that would satisfy my gingerbread craving all year long.  But when it comes to the smell of gingerbread, I absolutely love it.  Gingerbread baking in an oven is like the most perfect Christmas smell ever.  And, even though I may not like eating gingerbread, I do love decorating gingerbread houses.



I wish I could say the same about the final marker in the bunch.  Whoever decided to make a scent that smelled like chimney smoke must have been out of their minds at the time, but yet, that's exactly what the dark gray marker smells like.  Chimney smoke.  Seriously, I made the mistake of smelling this one first, and it totally made me gag.  But, I suppose that with Santa Claus sliding his way down at least a billion chimneys every Christmas Eve, I suppose it's only natural that his velvet red suit gets coated in soot.  I imagine his dry cleaning bills must be horrendous!

So, those were the six scents that the people at Mr. Sketch chose.  Now I will add six scents and colours of my own to make this one a twelve pack.  I think I can do it.

1.  Orange = Pumpkin Pie
(More of a Thanksgiving themed scent, but then again, it is the holiday edition.)
2.  Light Brown = Hot Chocolate
(Whenever I came inside to warm up, hot chocolate was my go-to drink.  And besides...how can you screw up the smell of chocolate?)
3.  Light Orange = Stuffing
(And I don't mean Stove Top either...I mean the stuff you bake from scratch!)
4.  Yellow = Egg Nog
(I may hate the taste of egg nog, but I do love the smell.)
5.  Periwinkle = Winter Scented Candle
(Okay, so I'm cheating with this one...I just wanted an excuse to have a blue marker.)
6.  Pink = Honey Glazed Ham
(Seriously, imagine having a ham scented marker.  It was either that or baked beans, and personally, I think ham makes a better colour.)

Any other scents that remind you of the holidays?

Saturday, December 19, 2015

"She Of Little Faith"



Welcome to Day #19 of A POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR!  I trust that all of you have been enjoying the month-long feature so far.  I really hope you are.  I love doing these holiday themed blogs every year, and I find that the closer we get to the end, the more excited I am for the holidays.

And believe me, this year has been a challenge to get into the holiday spirit.

Now, as I mentioned before, different people celebrate different holidays during the month of December.  For people who celebrate Christmas, it is just six short days away.  For those who celebrate Kwanzaa, I think it starts the 26th.  And for those of you who celebrated Hanukkah, I hope it was a great eight days, as your celebrations wrapped up on the fourteenth.

In fact, regardless of what you celebrate, I hope you celebrate it in style.

You know, when it comes down to holidays, and I use Christmas as an example since that's the holiday that I have grown up celebrating my whole life, there are certainly modern traditions that we follow.  We exchange presents, we listen to Christmas music, and we sit by the fireplaces looking to see what is in our stockings.  But there's also a religious background to the holiday as well, and for a lot of families, part of the Christmas tradition is going to church on Christmas Eve night and singing traditional Christmas hymns and talking about how Baby Jesus was born in the manger all those years ago.

In many ways, Christmas Eve mass is one of the few activities that one can participate in that really allow people to have as authentic of a Christmas as they can, and while it may not be necessary for all families (my family was never really the churchgoing type), I do respect those who have attended Christmas Eve mass and have made it a part of their daily tradition.  After all, some of those services in traditional churches can be quite lovely.

But have you heard of these so-called "megachurches"?  I don't think we have too many of those in Canada, but in the United States and some other foreign countries, they've built churches that are almost the size of arenas and can hold thousands of worshippers.  To be honest with you, I don't agree with that.  I'm not that religious of a person, but I think that megachurches kind of defeat the purpose of why people go to church in the first place, which I think for most is because they want to have a personal connection to God.  It's kind of hard to have that connection when you are in a situation that feels like you're about to watch the Super Bowl instead of a sermon from a pastor.

Now, imagine if your church that you and your family have attended for generations was bulldozed to the ground and replaced with a megachurch.  Would you still attend, or would you feel very uncomfortable?



Well, for little Lisa Simpson, she found herself in a similar position on one episode of "The Simpsons", and it is this episode that happens to be the subject of the nineteenth entry in this advent calendar.

It's an episode entitled "She Of Little Faith", and it originally aired on December 16, 2001.



So, the episode is set right around the month of December, and it starts off the way most Simpsons episodes begin.  Bart and Lisa are watching television and Bart happens to see a commercial for a model rocket that he of course has to have.  After all, Bart is the biggest fan of explosive devices ever.  The problem is that he doesn't have any money to purchase the rocket, so he swipes Homer's credit card to order it.  But, I'm guessing Homer doesn't mind too much because before you know it, he's helping Bart and Milhouse build the rocket...which promptly explodes.

Homer recruits the help of his nerdy friends from college to design a super powered rocket (which I might add he only does to try and one-up Ned Flanders) that can carry a hamster passenger.  But when the rocket proves to be too powerful, the hamster bails and Homer is left trying to figure out how to get the rocket down.  He decides to shoot the rocket with a shotgun which does work...

...but when the rocket crashes into Reverend Lovejoy's church and burns the whole thing down, let's just say it's not one of Homer's finest moments.

Nor is it a good one for Reverend Lovejoy, who lacks the funds necessary to rebuild it.



Eventually, Reverend Lovejoy literally sells his soul to the capitalistic devil himself, C. Montgomery Burns, alongside his partner in crime, the robotic businesswoman herself, Lindsey Naegle.  Together, Burns and Naegle build a megachurch in the place of the old style church, complete with advertising slogans and posters that rival those of Times Square, and a Jumbotron in the middle of the church. 

Not surprisingly, everyone in Springfield gravitates towards the new church look, tempted by the promise of comfortable seats and advertising galore.  Mainly because as the show has established many times, the people of Springfield are complete morons.  I mean, when even uber-religious Ned Flanders gets suckered in by the new church, you know he's two Chicken McNuggets short of a 20-pack.



One person who is NOT impressed is Lisa Simpson, the little girl who seems like the only one in Springfield with actual intelligence, and she is so disgusted by the new church that she outright abandons Christianity for good!



Instead, she decides that she wants to take up Buddhism after seeing Lenny and Carl practicing it in Springfield's Buddhist Temple.  Even Hollywood actor Richard Gere stops by to educate Lisa on the wonders of Buddhism, and Lisa is very much convinced that Buddhism is the right religion for her.

But Marge is not convinced that Lisa is making the right choice.  In fact, Marge acts very out of character in a way by plotting with Reverend Lovejoy to woo Lisa back to Christianity.  The not-so-good reverend tells Marge that if she uses the Christmas holiday to convince Lisa to go back to Christianity, and Marge agrees.  She does everything to make the house look like a Christmas card and even manages to get Lisa the pony that she has always wanted.



(Okay, okay...so the pony is actually Ralph and Milhouse in disguise...another one of Marge's despicable methods to try and make Lisa do anything that Marge wants.)

Lisa manages to see through the ruse though and runs away from home to vent to Richard Gere about just how much her family tricked her. 

Now pay attention...this is where I drive the point home about not just the episode, but this whole blog post at that.

Richard explains that the main goal of Buddhism is to find inner peace within yourself...but it's also important to respect the diversity of other religions based on love and compassion!

Therefore, according to that logic, Lisa can celebrate Christmas with her family without feeling guilty about it.  So, Lisa decides that she can respect her family for being Christian while still devoting her whole life to being a Buddhist.  And Marge apologizes for being so...what's the word...manipulative with her.  Seriously, Marge, your manipulation techniques are best served for Homer or Bart.

Though, Lisa never DID get her pony in the end.

But still...what a great episode this was.  For starters, getting Richard Gere as a special guest star was a coup for the showrunners.  And Richard agreed to be in the episode, provided two things happen.  First, Lisa had to utter the words "Free Tibet" (which didn't really happen in this episode, but I believe happened in another show later that season).  And the second was that Lisa had to stay a Buddhist for as long as the show stayed on the air.

And just like the Simpsons promised Paul and Linda McCartney that Lisa would remain vegetarian for the rest of the series, Lisa has stayed a firm Buddhist.

But even more importantly, this episode proved that anybody can accept any religion if they love and respect the person enough.  I think some of our future world leaders - particularly most of those running for leadership of the Republican Party of America can benefit from having learned this lesson.

It also showed that materialism can really put a damper on religious faith.  Sadly, much like how most of us see Christmas these days.

But as Lisa Simpson showed all of us, we don't have to be that way.

Friday, December 18, 2015

New Archies Reviewed: Episode 11B - Gunk For Gold

I'm always reminded around this time of year to watch out and not cry.  I've also been told not to pout because Santa Claus is coming to town. 

I've also been told he sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake, and he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.

Or, so they tell me.

Anyway, in this latest installment of The New Archies Reviewed, Archie and Eugene toy with the idea of doing something naughty in order to get a nice result.  But when their consciences get the better of them, will they change their minds before Santa drops a lump of coal in their stockings?



Well, it's Day #18 in A POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR, so let's have a look and see with today's episode.



This is Episode 11B:  Gunk For Gold!



Now, normally I would say that it is way too cold outside to be thinking about playing a soccer game in the middle of December, but here in Ontario, we're going up to fifty-five degrees Fahrenheit on Christmas Eve.  We'll just go with the fact that this takes place in December. 



Anyway, Archie and the gang (who are dressed in the appropriate blue and gold as opposed to the red uniforms the football team wore) are trying to play a game against the Bainbridge Bongoes, and they are absolutely failing miserably.  I mean, just look at Coach Kleats' expression.  Mind you, Coach Kleats is NEVER happy in this series, but in this case he has reason to be.  The entire soccer team, known as the Riverdale Rockets are absolutely horrible.

Wait...Riverdale Rockets?  Another thing they got wrong!  The team name is the BULLDOGS!!!  Sheesh.  Oh well, maybe the Rockets were the junior high school name.



And apparently, like the United States of America, nobody at Riverdale cares about soccer.  The spectators for the home team are MS. Grundy and Mr. Weatherbee...and one of them doesn't look like they even want to be there!



Somehow though, I understand why they are doing bad.  I mean, if the other team can hire a paparazzi person to blind the very vain Veronica on the field, then Riverdale deserves to lose based on that fact alone.



Though, secretly, I'd love for Riverdale to win one game, just so they can make a mockery of the uber-annoying team captain of the Bongoes, Biff.  His laugh is more annoying than Seth Rogen's and he is so obnoxious he makes Reggie look like Princess Diana.

Long story short, the Rockets lose for the third straight game, and everyone is really bummed about the loss.  Some of them are willing to hang up their soccer cleats once and for all.



I mean, when you have Biff entering the opposing team's locker room to make fun of you, you know that can't be a good thing.



You want to know who is optimistic about the team?  Archie Andrews, that's who.  And to prove it, he tells the team that they can do whatever they put their minds to, and quotes the great Billy Ocean by saying "when the going gets tough, the tough get going".



You know, that's a great song.  Let's add it in here.

Of course, not even the smooth vocal stylings of Mr. Ocean, nor the optimism of Archie can convince the rest of the team that they will be the stars of the school, and they leave poor Archie standing there like a fool.



Well, it looks like hours later, Archie and Eugene are working together on a science project.  Notice that Archie is eating a big slice of pizza while Eugene is making some sort of reddish liquid.  Unless it's black cherry soda, I don't care what Eugene's making.

But a funny thing happens.  Did you know that when you mix that red stuff with a combination of melted mozzarella cheese, tomato sauce, and pepperoni, you make it turn green and bounce all around the room?  Seriously, Archie, watch where you eat your dinner!



Archie tries his best to catch the bouncy green ball, and he thinks he succeeds by jumping on top of it.  But the bouncy green gunk catapults Archie out the second story window breaking his neck and killing him instantly.

Just kidding.



No, that green gunk has apparently made Archie jump super high...and apparently has made him believe that he is Marky Mark with the posing that he's doing.  And Eugene has a few ideas to test the gunk out.



First, he throws a basketball towards Archie, who sinks it in the basket without breaking a sweat.



Then he tosses the old pigskin towards Archie, who jumps almost as high as that skyscraper in the background. 

Archie then declares that the gunk they created is fantastic, and that he and Eugene should do something with it.  Well, we know that they can't legally SELL it.  Because we all know that Archie and Eugene basically invented "Flubber", which the Nutty Professor created back in 1961.  But since the name Flubber is trademarked, they just refer to it as super gunk.

Ah, this is where Gunk for Gold comes in...oh, wait.  Oh damn.  Damn damn damn.  Please for the love of God tell me this isn't the magic feet episode.  I'm getting a sinking feeling about this one.



You know, Reggie suddenly pops up with a soccer ball, and stares at Archie and Eugene, and I'm relieved to see him.  This buys me some time before I inevitably have to recap the...magic feet portion of the episode.



See, Reggie has an idea to use the gunk to make the soccer team better.  He tells Archie and Eugene that it is their duty to test the gunk out, so he gets them to spread the gunk on the bottom of everyone's soccer shoes.  After all, the captain of the Bongoes is evil.  More evil than Reggie.  They have to show him karmic retribution.

Of course, the only ones who know about the secret are Archie, Eugene, and Reggie.  And at the next game, the three of them try to tell everyone else that they should believe in themselves because they now have "magic feet".  Oh, dear lord, it IS that episode.  Shoot me.  Shoot me now.

At first the rest of the team scoffs at the notion, but when Jughead suddenly loses control of his feet, it convinces the rest of the team that maybe they have the goods after all.



I won't bore you with the recap of the games...just that the team does significantly better and perform moves that would probably make a referee wonder if he should reprimand them or cheer them on.



Turns out that the team is making the comeback of the century, all thanks to the gunk that gave them magic feet.  They do so well that they end up winning the next three games.  See, look at the scoreboard!



Oh, and there's Betty and Veronica doing a magic feet cheer.  I'd crawl into a hole and die at this point over how cheesy this is, but I have to say...when Betty and Veronica are doing this cheer, it is kind of cute.  A lot cuter than say, if Jughead and Moose were in their positions.



And in the seat behind them, Archie and Eugene are looking tired and miserable, which prompts Betty to ask them why they are upset.  After all, the team doesn't suck any more!  But I think in Archie's case, he's starting to realize that winning by taking the easy way out isn't as much fun as he believed it would be.



But his conscience isn't strong enough to stop using the gunk.  At the next game, Jughead is so cool, calm, and collected that he actually listens to his Walkman, eats a burger and moonwalks across the soccer field!  He better be listening to Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel".



Ooooh...that's another awesome song.  Let's add it in as well!

Also, I'm pretty sure that Jughead wearing a Walkman on the soccer field is against the rules...but what do I know?  I've never played soccer professionally.



Oh, and there's also another scene where Big Ethel simultaneously injures eight players at once while Moose headbutts the soccer ball into the opposing goal, saying that he felt like Kareem-Abdul Jabbar the whole time.

Because Kareem-Abdul Jabbar was a well-known soccer basketball player...



And as the Riverdale Rockets win one game after another, Archie's nerves start to get the better of him.  He talks to MS. Grundy about it, but doesn't exactly reveal that he and Eugene have been using the gunk to make their team unstoppable.  Instead, as he plants a rubber glove (seriously, he does), he listens to MS. Grundy's wise words as she basically tells him that it's better to keep your integrity in check rather than take the easy way out.

It's in that moment that Archie and Eugene realize they have to come clean.



I sure wish that they didn't start by contacting the Riverdale newspaper.  For one, Reggie's dad owns it, and judging by the way he laughs in their ears over the receiver, Reggie's dad is as much of an unethical jerk as Reggie is himself.

No, instead, they gather the whole team together at Pop's, and confess everything.  And how they confess is through visual aid.  Archie grabs Jughead's beanie, dips it in the gunk, and throws it towards the video arcade.



Where Archie quickly realizes that he owes three people in the arcade a quarter each for distracting them from their game by a super bouncy hat.

Once the gang realizes that Archie, Eugene, and Reggie have duped them, they rip off their heads and use them as soccer balls Archie has the team make a decision.  Do they want to use the gunk at the final match of the season to make Biff eat his words, or do they not use the gunk and play a good clean match even though the final score could be so horrendous that the only way the Riverdale Rockets could ever play soccer again is if they relocate to Siberia.



Reggie naturally wants to keep cheating.  The rest of the team...not so much.

The action shifts over to the last game of the season, and the Riverdale Rockets are playing the Bainbridge Bongoes.  Look how excited the team looks to get out on the field!



Wow...if that's excitement, I'd hate to see what depression looks like.



It doesn't take long to realize that the team opted not to use the gunk after all because they all felt that cheating was wrong.  After all, no team that uses gunk knocks each other out on the soccer field like Moose and Reggie have displayed here.  And of course, Biff's laughter and attitude are just as obnoxious as ever.



Long story short, the crowd of supporters seems to be shocked that once again, their team sucks.



And by the end of the first half of the game, the Bongoes lead the Rockets 6-0.  I have no idea if that's a good score or not, but either way, the Rockets have a lot of work to do.

And as the Rockets feel sorry for themselves, and Veronica verbally declares that they are no good without gunk, Archie pulls out his soapbox and announces that it wasn't the gunk that made them the team they are (well, actually, it was), but instead it was their ability to believe in themselves enough to actually put forth the honest effort needed to win all those games.  It wasn't the gunk that gave them "magic feet" (actually it was), but their determination.



And just like that, the team thinks that Archie is Gandhi and they start chanting "magic feet" as if they were under his hypnosis. 



Soon after, MS. Grundy leads the crowd into doing a "MAGIC FEET!  MAGIC FEET!" chorus, and it is seriously taking everything in me not to throw up right now.



So in the second half of the game, the team's newfound confidence allows the team to play at their very best, adding goals to their own total, and...



...and I'm pretty sure that what Ethel and Jughead are doing is AGAINST THE RULES AND WOULD GET BOTH OF THEM EJECTED FROM THE GAME!!!



But whatever...score's 6-6, and there's a minute left in play.



Oh, look.  It's Amani for her required 30 seconds of airtime to score the winning goal for the team!



GOAL!!!



The crowd goes wild!  MS. Grundy and Mr. Weatherbee are losing their minds.  The Magic Feet tour bus has arrived at the station.  And Archie is thrilled that his power to motivate people continues to work!



We end the episode with MS. Grundy looking at a photo of the team winning the championship, which MS. Grundy adds was done fair and square.  This makes me wonder if she knew all along that they were cheating...I guess we'll never know.

Okay, so the pros of the episode?  Well, I think this one of only two episodes (the other one is "Stealing The Show") that features the whole cast.  All of the kids appear in it, as well as the two main adults.  So, that's very special.  The episode also has a couple of good messages for kids.  One is that you should never cheat your way through life because you won't feel good about it.  And the other is that if you believe in yourself enough, you can get through anything.

But if I hear the words Magic Feet one more time...I'm gonna scream.



Next week, we learn about the stock market and how Jughead finds his life changed forever...but you'll have to wait until the 26th for that one.