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Wednesday, January 13, 2016

"Time May Change Me, But I Can't Trace Time"

Do you remember the first David Bowie song that you ever heard? 

Believe it or not, I do.  In fact, I remember the very first time I ever saw David Bowie performing.

I think I was probably five years old at the time, and at that time my family usually only had twelve channels (we didn't get cable television until 1988 or 1989).  But sometimes our cable provider would give us some channels that we could watch for free for a limited time (usually a month) to entice us into subscribing to more channels (which as many know would double your cable bill in the process).  MuchMusic (think Canadian MTV) was one of those channels, and it was during one of these previews that I first saw the video for "Dancing in the Street".



Of course, the song was originally made famous by Martha and the Vandellas in 1964 - and again by Van Halen in 1982 - but in August 1985, David Bowie released his own version as a duet with Mick Jagger.  The original plan was to have both of them perform the single live during Live-Aid where Bowie would perform in London, while Jagger sang along with him from Philadelphia via satellite.  Unfortunately, due to the half-second delay between satellite feeds, this proved to be impossible.

But watching the music video of this single, I realized two things.  One, the five year old me thought Mick Jagger was scary.  Thankfully by age 10, I liked him again, but when I was five, he scared me. 



And the second thing was that I liked David Bowie and wanted to see more of him.





Of course, the kid version in me didn't realize that David Bowie had been around a long time prior to showing his moves like Jagger on the streets.  Would you believe that he released his first album nearly fifty years ago?  Sure, his self-titled disc came out in 1967, and really it wasn't until 1969's Space Oddity that made people really take notice of him.  The point is that he had a career spanning nearly five decades, and he really did have something for everybody, and he influenced so many people.

He was reportedly the first concert that Madonna saw.  He appeared on the Conan O'Brien Show several times.   He even inspired an astronaut (Chris Hadfield) to sing Space Oddity while Hadfield was actually in space! 

David Bowie also seemed to appeal to a wide spectrum of fans.  He never really was the type of person to market himself to a specific genre of fans or a certain demographic.  He really had something for everyone. 



As an 80s kid, I'm sure most of my fellow 80s kids fell in love with him while watching the 1986 film "Labyrinth", where he played the role of the Goblin King.  It was intended that he was supposed to be the main villain of the film, but the way he played the role, none of us were really afraid of him.  In fact, we actually kind of wanted to be like him!



70s kids might remember Bowie during his "Ziggy Stardust" phase, where he'd perform with brightly dyed orange hair and the wildest of jumpsuits!  Of course, the music was just as important as the way he presented himself, but I will state that David Bowie made androgyny cool long before Boy George and his Culture Club even thought of it.

And can I just say that David Bowie's music catalogue remains one of the most eclectic and passionate ones ever recorded?  You can obviously tell that Bowie loved what he did and he cared for his fans.  From "Space Oddity" and "Ashes To Ashes" to "Let's Dance" and "Modern Love" to "I'm Afraid of Americans and Lazarus", he definitely had something to offer to every single fan.



And I suppose in his own way, David Bowie wanted to ensure that he left his fans one final parting gift.

You see, David Bowie passed away three days ago - just two days after his sixty-ninth birthday.  And to many, he served as a huge inspiration, a soothing voice, and a figure of being true to who you were, no matter how the world might perceive you.  And best of all, while the world may have seen him as being incredibly famous, he was the last person in the world that would tell you that.  I would even go to say that as daring and bold as he was on stage and in his studio recordings, in his private life he was more humble and private.

So private he was that the world seemed stunned when it was revealed that cancer was the cause of death - a disease he had been fighting for eighteen months prior.  He had kept it a secret from everybody except his inner circle, and I get the feeling that was what he wanted. 

He wanted to go out his own way...and his final music video was almost as if he was saying farewell and thank you to those who stuck by him.

I'll admit...the world of music will not be the same without him.

Rest in peace, and thank you for leaving your gift of music with all of us.



DAVID BOWIE
1947-2016

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

January 12, 1999

Before I go ahead with today's Tuesday Timeline entry, I want to just make a footnote about the passing of David Bowie on January 10.  I had chosen the topic of today's subject before I heard the news, and I just want to say that sometime this week, I'll be writing a proper tribute to the man who introduced us to his China Girl, Ziggy Stardust, Major Tom, and the Goblin King.

For now, it's business as usual in the blog.  Today is January 12, and let's just say that while the subject that I've chosen isn't as - what's the word I'm looking for here - polished as David Bowie was, she certainly does know how to stand out in a crowd.

You'll see what I mean when I go ahead with the Timeline.  But first, we should probably take a look at what else happened on this date throughout history.

1528 - Gustav I is crowned King of Sweden

1866 - The Royal Aeronautical Society is founded in London, England

1905 - Singer/actor Tex Ritter (d. 1974) is born in Panola County, Texas

1908 - A long-distance radio message is sent out from the Eiffel Tower for the first time ever

1915 - The United States House of Representatives rejects the proposal that would give women the right to vote

1921 - Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis becomes the first commissioner of Major League Baseball to counteract the damage done by the 1919 Black Sox Scandal

1926 - Sam 'n' Henry (later renamed Amos 'n' Andy) makes its radio debut

1930 - Hockey player and donut entrepreneur Tim Horton (d. 1974) is born in Cochrane, Ontario, Canada

1932 - Hattie Caraway becomes the first woman to be elected into the United States Senate

1942 - Franklin D. Roosevelt establishes the National War Labor Board

1962 - The first American combat mission during the Vietnam War - Operation Chopper - takes place

1967 - On the weirder side of things, Dr. James Bedford becomes the first human to become cryogenically frozen upon his death

1969 - In what could be considered one of the biggest upsets in sports history, the New York Jets

1976 - Mystery author Agatha Christie dies, aged 85

1986 - Bill Nelson lifts off from Kennedy Space Center aboard Columbia on Mission STS-61-C as a Mission Specialist

2001 - Downtown Disney opens to the public at Disneyland Resorts in Anaheim, California

2003 - Bee Gee Maurice Gibb passes away at the age of 53

2010 - Port-au-Prince, Haiti is devastated by a massive earthquake, killing over 100,000 people in the country alone

And join me in wishing the following people a very happy birthday today; Katherine MacGregor, Glenn Yarbrough, Des O'Connor, The Amazing Kreskin, Shirley Eaton, Lewis Fiander, William Lee Golden, Maggie Bell, Greg X. Volz, Kirstie Alley, Rush Limbaugh, Walter Mosley, Howard Stern, Rockne S. O'Bannon, John Lasseter, Jeremy Sams, Christiane Amanpour, Per Gessle, Oliver Platt, Jeff Bezos, Claire Holman, Alexandra Wentworth, Rob Zombie, Olivier Martinez, Keith Anderson, Rachael Harris, Heather Mills, MiG Ayesa, Zack de la Rocha, Jason Sklar, Randy Sklar, Dan Haseltine, Melanie Chisholm, Amerie, Kieron Richardson, Naya Rivera, Will Rothhaar, Andrew Lawrence, Pixie Lott, Georgia Mae Jagger, and Nathan Gamble.

Now, we go back in time to the year that I have selected.



And, the year that I have selected happened seventeen years ago.  January 12, 1999, to be exact.

It's a time that I remember very well.  I was seventeen years old going on eighteen, and it was my 12th grade year - otherwise known as "My Give A Damn's Busted" year as far as school was concerned.  It was also a year in which boy bands like the Backstreet Boys, *NSync, 98 Degrees, and 5ive were being played on the radio ad nauseum.

But you know one thing that I remember about 1999 was that it was a year in which female singers began to find their own on the pop music charts.  I remember Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, and Mandy Moore all released their debut albums in August, November, and December of that year respectively.

But one girl beat them all to the punch.  And, even though she's had issues regarding family feuds, being twice divorced, and randomly attacking cars with beach umbrellas following her request to have her hair look like Sinead O'Connor's, she is still releasing singles today - the most recent being the 2015 collaboration with Iggy Azalea entitled "Pretty Girls".



Well, here's a fact that will make all of you (including me) feel extremely old.  Today marks the seventeenth anniversary of the day pop singer Britney Spears released her debut album "...Baby One More Time."

I know!  Seventeen years!  That is just insane to me!

I actually remember when the first single from the album was released, and I had no idea that single would be the starting point of a career that has now lasted approximately half of Britney Spears' life.

Of course, that's not to say that I think the album is the greatest thing that Spears has ever recorded.  It's largely a forgettable pop fluff album.  But then again, so was Debbie Gibson's "Out of the Blue".  Even Madonna's first album pales in comparison to some of her later works (though "Borderline" will always be a favourite of mine).

And, yes...Britney has released better songs over the years.  But that's not to say that her first album was a dud.  In fact, five singles were released from the disc in all.  Let's have a listen to them, and I'll share some trivia about them.



1.  ...BABY ONE MORE TIME
Released:  October 23, 1998
Peak Position on the Billboard Charts:  #1 for 2 weeks

Ah, yes...the first single of Britney Spears.  The snarling of Oh baby baby.  The schoolgirl uniform.  The seductive dancing.  And she was just sixteen when the video was filmed.  My, how Britney just crumpled up her Mouseketeer past into a ball, huh?  But it was not just her first single, it was her first #1 single at that.  And, well...I must confess, that my loneliness is killing me...

Ahem...sorry about that.

I must confess that I don't mind this song now.  Back when it was first released, I got sick of it very quickly.  Now that it's been out for a few years now, I can dig it. 

Now, here's some trivia for you.  The idea to dress up as a schoolgirl was Britney's herself.  She wanted to have an outfit that stood out more than the T-shirt and jeans that the original video storyboard suggested.  And another interesting fact about the video was the fact that the clothing budget was quite modest.  According to director Nigel Dick, all the clothing was purchased from K-Mart, with no article surpassing seventeen dollars.  Now that's budget shopping!



2.  SOMETIMES
Released:  April 14, 1999
Peak Position on the Billboard Charts:  #21

I'll admit, of all the singles released from this album, this one is my favourite.  It's light, it's fluffy...and it's also CONTROVERSIAL!

Apparently four years after this song was released, a man by the name of Steve Wallace launched a lawsuit claiming copyright infringement, as he claimed to have wrote the song himself back in 1990.  He even alleged that Spears knew that the song itself was stolen.  But due to a lack of evidence, the lawsuit was dismissed in 2005.

Now, you also might notice the near six month gap in between this single and "...Baby One More Time".  The single was originally planned for a February release, but during the rehearsal of the choreography scenes, Britney injured her knee and had to take time off for physical therapy.  This might be one reason why the single stalled just under the Top 20, as people might have just brushed Britney off as a one-hit-wonder.

At least, until she released single #3.



3.  (YOU DRIVE ME) CRAZY
Released:  September 13, 1999
Peak Position on the Billboard Charts:  #10

Likely helped by the fact that the single appeared on the soundtrack of the Melissa Joan Hart/Adrien Grenier movie "Drive Me Crazy", this single charted in several countries, peaking at #10 in America, #13 in Canada, and #1 in Spain and Belgium!  Believe it or not, this single was actually not intended to be a dance club sensation.  In fact, if Britney had her way, most of her album would have sounded much like that of Sheryl Crow, with less dance beats and more acoustic guitar.  But while Sarah McLachlan and Jewel were doing well in that style of music, Britney was only a teenager herself, and she was convinced by the record producers to focus her musical ambition towards the teen market.  I have to say, the strategy did ultimately pave the way for Britney's future success, but part of me wants to see her re-release the album as an acoustic one to see what it might have been like.



4.  BORN TO MAKE YOU HAPPY
Released:  December 6, 1999
Peak Position on the Billboard Charts:  N/A

When I saw that this single was released, I'm thinking to myself...WHEN?  At no point do I recall ever hearing this song on the radio, nor do I remember watching a music video of it.  But in other countries, the song charted very well, even going as high as #1 in the UK! 

But despite the high chart positions of the song, it didn't earn that much praise from music critics, who graded the song on a range between mediocre and rotten.  Ouch.

But this song also was one that Spears had a hand in working on herself...in a way.  When the song was originally pitched to Spears, keep in mind that she was only sixteen.  And the song was originally a lot more adult and featured more references to sex - something that Spears wasn't comfortable with.  This prompted a subtle rewriting of the lyrics by the songwriters before it was included on the final record.

Of course, by 2001, Spears was prancing around a stage holding a live python warbling about how she wanted to be a slaaaaaaaaave for us.  But back then, she wouldn't have any of it.



5.  FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BROKEN HEART
Released:  December 15, 1999
Peak Position on the Billboard Charts:  #14

Okay, so I'm thinking that this single was chosen to be the North American release in lieu of "Born To Make You Happy".  And, well...it's a good thing it was.  This song's actually kind of nice and surprisingly emotional.  I've always believed that in the early days of her career, Britney Spears did better at ballads than dance songs, and this single seems to prove it.  Though it took some convincing for Jive Records - the company that released "...Baby One More Time" to believe it.  But after recording a song by Toni Braxton on a demo tape and sending it to the company, they decided to sign her, saying that they had never heard such an emotional song delivery by someone of Spears' age.

The song itself is about a subject that I'm sure most teens can relate to.  Losing a first love and trying to cope with the after effects of it.  It's the type of song an emo band would sing about...only without the lightness and fluffiness of this single.

And that's a wrap on "...Baby One More Time" - released seventeen years ago today.

Monday, January 11, 2016

The Green Apron Club

January 11, 2016

Well, here it is.  We're eleven days into the brand new year, and I have to tell you, it's been a very good eleven days.  2016 is starting off with a bang, and for once, I'm feeling very hopeful about a year.  While 2015 was a life-changing year for me, I have high expectations that 2016 will continue to bring changes galore.

After all, 2016 was the year I changed jobs.  Again. 

This time around, I get to play with kale, bok choy, persimmons, papayas, and arugula.  Only I'm not exactly cooking them (believe me, you don't want me anywhere near a kitchen), instead I'm stocking them.

And, I'll be doing it wearing a saucy little green apron too!

(Okay, okay.  So I'll be wearing clothes as well as the green apron.  That would be incredibly indecent, not to mention that certain parts of my...ahem...anatomy...would freeze upon strolling inside the walk-in cooler.)



Now while working in produce isn't exactly my first foray into working in the grocery department of a store, it certainly has been an eye-opener of a week.  It's definitely one of the fastest paced departments I've ever worked, and shifts begin at five o'clock.

In the morning.

But you know what?  Bring it on.

You know, Homer and Bart Simpson were absolutely wrong when they claimed that "you don't win friends with salad" in that episode where Lisa became a vegetarian and Paul and Linda McCartney issued their seal of approval.  In the produce biz, you provide customers bagged salads, they become your friend forever.

Seriously, I've witnessed this and I've only been in the department a week!

Of course, I don't think I could ever be like Lisa and go full-fledged vegetarian or vegan.  I like cheese and bacon a little too much to make that commitment.  That said, I have the highest respect for people who have made vegetarianism a way of life, and at the very least, working in produce could help me eat my greens, and reds, and yellows a little bit more.

It seems as though whenever I worked a department, my spending habits gravitated towards the department that I was in.  Sometimes this was a good thing, as evidenced last year when I was in hardware.  After all, buying a house means a lot of home improvements.  But sometimes it wasn't so good.  I shudder to think of all of the calories I took in when I was buying ice cream every week in frozen foods!

But produce...95% of the stuff sold in produce is actually supposed to be good for you!  The cored pineapple rings!  The stoplight pepper package with the red, yellow, and green peppers!  The table of bananas!  The Skittles, Starburst, and M&M's at the bulk food counter!

Well, okay, scratch that last one!

The point is, being surrounded by healthy stuff might encourage me to eat healthier.  Why, just the other day I was stocking seedless grapes thinking that it had been forever since I had some!  I'm thinking I will probably pick up some the next shift I'm in.  After all, a bag of grapes is much healthier than a bag of corn chips.

Plus, I've gotten to work with some people that I normally would never have seen in any other departments I work in, and they all are fantastic people!  I mean, granted, I've only been there a week, but I'm finding my groove.

I just have to practice trimming celery.  I accidentally butchered two bunches the first time I did it.  I guess this makes me a celery killer, huh?  But practice makes perfect, and believe me, I think I'll be getting a lot of practice.

Do I miss being over in hardware and sporting goods?  In a way, I do.  Truthfully, there's a part of me that misses bits and pieces of every department I've worked.  Even the departments that I didn't really like that much.

But now that my job has sort of come nearly full circle, I'm optimistic about things, and I feel that this new job, no matter how long it lasts, will be a positive experience.  It has been so far.

And, hey.  Nobody can deny the sex appeal of the green apron.  Nobody.

Friday, January 08, 2016

New Archies Reviewed: Episode 13A - Take My Butler, Please

This is it.  The last episode of The New Archies that I have yet to review.  It's actually been a lot of fun doing The New Archies Reviewed postings the last six months.  It's allowed me to share a cartoon series that some may not have even known existed, and it's allowed me to relive something that I loved a lot as a kid.

Mind you, some of the episodes weren't all gems (I'm looking at you, episode 9), but some of them were not half bad (see episode 7).  And two weeks from today, I'll be doing one final recap of the show, and maybe consider starting up another cartoon series to review.



In the meantime, let's start the last episode off with the first part of the show.  This is Episode 13A:  Take My Butler, Please

Okay, so I'm just gonna go on a hunch here and say that the episode's subject is Smithers, the loyal Lodge family servant.  After all, who else in Riverdale has a butler!



Oh, look!  I'm right!  That is Smithers.  And, he happens to be exiting an antique store carrying two FABULOUSLY EXPENSIVE statues that I am sure Mr. Lodge paid a handsome sum for.  What could possibly go wrong?



Well, for one, it looks like someone's eaten a banana and thrown the peel on the sidewalk for the done to the death gag of someone slipping on a banana peel for someone else's amusement.  But even writer Gary Greenfield sees this as too much of a cliche and he makes Smithers recover nicely to catch the statues before they break.



So, if banana peels are out, why not send a grand piano down a steep hill towards Smithers, flattening him like a pancake.  Yeah, that's much better than a banana peel...not to mention deadly.



But who should happen to arrive on the scene than Archie Andrews himself.  He leaps off of his bike, pushes Smithers out of the way, and the piano misses them both.  As of this writing, the piano should be somewhere near the Galapagos Islands by now.



Too bad Archie couldn't find a way to save the statues.  They smash into 500 little pieces, and I'm assuming that Mr. Lodge will be holding this over his head for the rest of his life.

But who cares about the statues?  Smithers is ever so grateful to Archie for saving his life.  So grateful that he decides to abandon his post at Lodge Mansion and decides that he will become Archie's butler instead!  I'm not lying.  That's what he says.



And, of course, Archie is initially reluctant to take Smithers' offer...but as one will learn about this butler is that he refuses to take no for an answer.  And soon, Archie's thinking that he could probably milk this for all it is worth. 

So when Archie discovers that his bike is non-functional due to him saving Smithers' life, Smithers decides to start paying his debt to Archie...



...by taking him home in a helicopter!  I guess butlers have their perks too.

Too bad that the helicopter upsets the garbage cans filled with leaves that Mr. Andrews (oh, hi, I forgot you were in this episode too!) has just raked!  You know, Mr. Andrews, they have these neat things called leaf bags that you can put the leaves in.  Just saying.



Ah, but once again, Smithers proves that he will do whatever Archie desires and rakes the leaves back up again - in ten seconds!  Wow, no wonder the Lodge family keeps him around!



And when it comes time for Archie to mow the lawn, Smithers pushes Archie back and tells him that he will do it for him.



Too bad the lawn mower is so powerful that it sends Smithers flying down the street mowing every lawn on Archie's block!  For a lawn mower to be that powerful, Mr. Andrews must have gotten a pretty big bonus at work!



Smithers even attempts to give Red a bath...but when Red escapes from the tub, Smithers tries to catch Red by chasing him around the yard.



Instead, Smithers crashes into the hammock that Archie happens to be resting in and the impact sends the two of them spinning into the air...



...landing in front of the velvety purple boots that happen to be on Veronica's leopard skin stockings.  Always the fashionista, that Veronica.

But Veronica is in no mood to socialize.  She's pissed.  She wants to know when Smithers is coming home to do all her chores.  But Smithers actually grows a set and tells Veronica to chill out!  He tells Veronica that Archie saved his life and because of that - and because Archie is nicer to him than Veronica - he will be Archie's servant from now on. 



And with that, Smithers actually gives Archie a piggy back ride inside the house, leaving Veronica fuming. 

If you think Smithers giving Archie a piggy back ride is strange...you haven't even scratched the summit of the mountain yet!



Because Smithers has laid out Archie's pajamas...a set of bunny pajamas that would probably get a 12-year-old boy beat up.  I know when I was 12, I would NEVER have worn those!



Smithers also brushes Archie's teeth for him.  That's not weird.  That's not weird at all.



And of course, Smithers has to sing Archie a lullaby before he sleeps, in which his voice is so bad he makes William Hung sound like Andrea Bocelli in comparison.  I'm wondering what Mr. and Mrs. Andrews think of all this...but then again, maybe Smithers drugged them so that they wouldn't interfere.  I wouldn't put it past Smithers, anyway.

The following morning, Teletubby Tinky-Winky...ah, I mean, Bunny Archie wakes up, and breathes a sigh of relief, thinking that Smithers has finally left him alone and that he can finally wear the pajamas the he wants to wear...



...at least that is until Smithers comes into the room with four other servants and enough food to last Jughead until the year 2017 - which is a lot of food, given the show takes place in 1987!  And Archie already feels his stomach muscles contracting in fear!  And is that a bottle of wine on the table?  Smithers does realize Archie has another nine years before he can drink that, right?



Oh, look.  Here's Jughead at the door waiting for Archie to walk with him to school.  And, Archie is trying to be quiet so that Smithers doesn't hear him.  Otherwise, he'd have no problem inviting Jughead in for breakfast.



But why would Smithers allow Archie to walk to school when he can give him a piggy back ride instead?  Oh, for heaven's sake, this is getting really stupid.  Is Smithers' life so empty that he has to spend it being surgically attached to people who show him attention?  I'm almost tempted to call him "Smothers" instead.

At school, Archie is about to sit down, but once again "Smothers" decides that he has to dust the desk first.  After all, we can't have dustbunnies soiling the pants that Archie has worn in every single episode of The New Archies, can we?



This of course, prompts Veronica to yell "J'ACCUSE" at Archie, claiming that he butler-napped Smithers!  Of course, Smithers once again tells Veronica off (I get the feeling he's wanted to do that for YEARS).  Veronica walks off in a huff.



Smithers then proceeds to pull out a fan and begins to blow a nice breeze with it trying to make Archie comfortable in front of all of Archie's stunned classmates.  Gee, I wonder how MS. Grundy is feeling about this.



I'm guessing based on this screenshot, she's hella pissed.  And, never did I think I would use that expression in this blog...but come on.  That expression can only be summed up by those words!

Grundy tells Smithers that if he wants to make himself useful, he should do some chores around the classroom, beginning with watering the plants inside.  Um...MS. Grundy?  Remember the last time you had someone try to help you with watering the garden and Archie almost drowned you?  Do you really think that having Smithers playing with a garden hose is the right way to go.



Sigh.  Tried to warn you.  Did you listen?  No...



And here's where the bizarro world continues.  MS. Grundy grabs a dunce cap, places it on Smithers' head, and tells him to sit in the corner and think about what he's done!  MS. Grundy, you are no Supernanny, and there should be no naughty mat in a 7th grade classroom!

By this time, Archie has had enough of Smothering Smithers, and he and Jughead decide to go to a horror movie after school, thinking that Smithers would think that horror films would be too scary for him.



The only horror though is Smithers coming into the theatre to cover Archie's eyes so that he doesn't get too warped by the PG-13 rating!  Seriously, Smithers is scaring me more than any horror movie.  At this rate, you could have Pennywise the Clown from "It" sitting beside Archie and he would be less scared!



Archie and Jughead try to ditch Smithers at a local carnival that has opened up, and think that they can enjoy a nice bumper car ride.



It's just too bad that Veronica has gone all vigilante on their butts and steers her car towards Archie and Jughead to try and demand that Smithers comes back to her home where she can boss him around again.  By the way, nice touches on Veronica's car, as if we aren't supposed to know that she's totally rich and all.  



But Smithers...who apparently has a built in GPS device that can track down Archie at a moment's notice...is in a car of his own, which Veronica takes great pleasure in ramming.

Archie and Jughead use this opportunity to escape the bumper car ride while Veronica is ramming Smithers with the car and Archie exclaims that if he sees Smithers one more time, he'll break down and cry.



To which Smithers is physically bounced out of the bumper car ride by Veronica and he goes sailing into a popcorn cart right next to Archie and Jughead.  It's a good thing this is a cartoon because otherwise Smithers would defy the laws of physics!  And true to his word, Archie bursts into tears when Smithers offers him some popcorn!  To be fair, I would cry too.  After all, that popcorn was on the dusty ground.  Unclean!  Unclean!



Archie and Jughead manage to get away, but Veronica tackles Smithers from behind and actually starts to have a heart to heart talk with him about how much she misses him.  If we weren't conditioned to think that Veronica was a hateful shrieking harpy bitch from the beginning of the series, I'd think she was being totally heartfelt.



But then she threatens to hold her breath until Smithers comes home again, and when Smithers walks away her face turns blue.  Wow...I'm maybe starting to understand where Veronica gets her coolness from.  And it's NOT her parents!



And where are Archie and Jughead?  On some lazy river boat ride with a couple of other kids, brainstorming ideas to get rid of Smithers.  Turns out that Archie has a scheme.  The whole thing with Smithers becoming co-dependent on Archie began when Archie saved Smithers' life.  So Archie decides that if Smithers can save Archie's life in return, it will be Even Steven, and Archie can go back to being a kid again.  Archie decides to use the lazy river ride to throw himself into the river and pretend he's drowning so Smithers will save him.  Not exactly the method I'd use, but it's one that Archie feels is foolproof.



Well, that is until Archie tries to throw himself overboard and can't because he has gum stuck on his shoe, which makes the boat rock.  To which I ask...how much gum can there possibly be on the bottom of a boat?!?  I mean, the way Archie is moving, it's like the whole boat is covered in Laffy Taffy!



Fortunately, the boat is rocking so much that Smithers notices right away and dives into the river to valiantly save Archie's life...



...only for Smithers to realize that he cannot swim to save his OWN life.  Oh, so NOW he discovers this. 



Luckily, Veronica shucks her boots off and runs into the water and saves Smithers from drowning...in what looks like three feet of water.  Which I believe is a lie, as if it really were three feet, the water would be at least up to Veronica's waist.  But then again, Veronica could have dyscalculia, so I will begrudgingly give her a pass.  But still, Smithers thinking he could drown in three feet of water makes it official.  Smithers is officially the most annoying New Archies tertiary character ever.



But with Veronica saving Smithers' life, Smithers decides that it is worthy enough for him to ditch Archie once and for all, and go back to serving the Lodge family.  And, I for one am relieved that this episode is really over because I don't think I could handle having Smithers as the star of the episode any more.  He really is a train wreck of a character and he makes Mr. Weatherbee look sane in comparison!

Fortunately, I have some good news.  While episode 13A was a bust...13B is actually one of the better episodes, and it ends the series on a high note.

Stay tuned.  The concluding episode of The New Archies Reviewed will be posted next Friday!

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

January 5, 1998

Are you ready for the first Tuesday Timeline of 2016?

We'll get to that in a second, but before I do that, I'll let you know that after today I'll be going back to 2-3 entries a week.  When I was doing the Advent Calendar and 2015 In Review postings, I didn't mind doing an entry a day, but now that the holidays are over and I'm back in my job full time, my free time is limited.  As I mentioned during my September 2015 hiatus, I'm not abandoning the blog...just devoting more time to other interests is all.

Now that this is out of the way, I can continue with the events of January 5 as well as celebrity birthdays for today.

1066 - When Edward the Confessor dies without any children, the following succession crisis leads to the Norman Conquest of England

1527 - Felix Manz - a leader of the Anabaptist congregation in Zurich, Switzerland - is executed by drowning

1781 - Richmond, Virginia is burned to the ground by British naval forces lead by Benedict Arnold during the American Revolutionary War

1846 - The United States House of Representatives votes to stop sharing the Oregon Territory with the United Kingdom

1896 - An Austrian newspaper reports on the discovery of the radiation used for X-ray technology by Wilhelm Rontgen

1904 - Astrologist Jeane Dixon (d. 1997) is born in Medford, Wisconsin

1911 - Kappa Alpha Psi is founded at Indiana University - the second oldest and largest black fraternity ever founded

1914 - The Ford Motor Company establishes the eight-hour workday as well as a living wage of $5 a day

1917 - Actress Jane Wyman (d. 2007) is born in St. Joseph, Missouri

1919 - The German Workers Party is founded - the party would later change its name to the Nazi Party

1925 - Nellie Tayloe Ross becomes the first female governor of the United States, representing Wyoming

1931 - Dancer/choreographer Alvin Ailey (d. 1989) is born in Rogers, Texas

1933 - The Golden Gate Bridge begins construction over San Francisco Bay

1940 - Screenwriter/actor Michael O'Donoghue (d. 1994) is born in Sauquoit, New York

1944 - The Daily Mail becomes the first transoceanic newspaper

1949 - Harry S. Truman unveils his "Fair Deal" program

1957 - Dwight D. Eisenhower announces the establishment of what will come to be known as the Eisenhower Doctrine

1972 - President Richard Nixon orders the creation and development of the Space Shuttle Program

1985 - Canadian child actor Michael Cuccione (d. 2001) is born in Burnaby, British Columbia

1991 - The South Ossetian War of 1991/1992 begins

1993 - Almost 85,000 gallons of crude oil spill into the ocean off the coast of the Shetland Islands when oil tanker MV Braer runs aground

2004 - Baseball player Tug McGraw passes away at the age of 59

2005 - Eris, the largest known dwarf planet in the Solar System is discovered

And for celebrities turning one year older, we have the following names; Walter Mondale, Robert Duvall, Florence King, Charlie Rose, Roger Spottiswoode, Diane Keaton, Mercury Morris, Ted Lange, Chris Stein, Pamela Sue Martin, Clancy Brown, Suzy Amis Cameron, Grant Young, Ricky Paull Goldin, Kate Schellenbach, Steve Tuttle, Joe Flanigan, Carrie Ann Inaba, Marilyn Manson, Rick Campanelli, Jayne Middlemiss, Sarah-Jane Honeywell, Kylie Bax, Bradley Cooper, January Jones, Brooklyn Sudano, Amanda Hearst, Kristin Cavallari, Michael Gilday, and De'Anthony Thomas.

Okay, now it's time to hop inside our time machine to see what year we're going back to.



How about January 5, 1998?

Now, this is a date that I totally remember.  After all, it was only eighteen years ago.  I remember this date is being right around the time we had a devastating ice storm that paralyzed several parts of Ontario, Quebec, and Upstate New York.  My area lost power for almost a whole week.  Not exactly a fun time.

But for one celebrity, January 5, 1998 wasn't a fun time for him either.  In fact, it ended up being the final day of his life.

It was during a skiing vacation at the Heavenly Ski Resort just outside of South Lake Tahoe, Califonia on the Nevada side of the border.  Although this person wasn't an experienced skier by any means, he did know enough to be able to go down many of the ski trails there.  But on one such run, he somehow collided with a tree which caused fatal injuries. 



And that accident took the life of singer turned politician Sonny Bono.  He was just 62 years old at the time of his death.

The world was shocked by his sudden death, and certainly many people were saddened by his passing.  His ex-wife Cher delivered a powerful and moving eulogy on the day of his funeral.  And I believe that for a brief period after Bono's death, ski resorts were pressured to update their safety concerns, as Bono's death was the second celebrity death to occur on a ski slope within a week - Michael Kennedy, son of Robert F. Kennedy died in Aspen on December 31, 1997.

But you know...given that he was a congressman for California's 44th District at the time of his death, that had to have been a major milestone for him, especially given how he started out.

Born Salvatore Phillip Bono on February 16, 1935, Sonny (a nickname given to him by his mother) was a high school dropout who decided that he would find fame and fortune by recording music.  He began his career at Specialty Records where he wrote the song "Things You Do To Me" - a single eventually recorded by Sam Cooke.  From here, he was introduced to Phil Spector where he became a promotions man and gofer.

He was introduced to Cher during the time that Bono started working for Spector, and the two fell in love and got married towards the end of 1964.

TRIVIA:  This would be Sonny's second of four marriages.  His first marriage to Donna Rankin ended in 1962, his third marriage to Susie Coehlo only lasted a year, and his fourth wife was Mary Whitaker, whom he married in 1986.



At that time Cher was wanting to record music and perform, but believe it or not she suffered from extreme stage fright when she first began her career.  So, Sonny offered to sing along with her to ease her fear.  They began their singing career under the name "Caesar & Cleo", but after failing to make any sort of impact on the charts, they both agreed that it was best to be themselves.  And shortly after they started performing as "Sonny & Cher", they had a hit with the classic 1965 single "I Got You Babe".

(Which appropriately enough was the #1 song on the charts the day my parents got married!)

And when it comes down to Sonny and Cher, they didn't just stop with the music.  I'm sure anyone who was around during the 1970s knows that the two started up their own variety show on CBS that lasted from 1971-1974.  But by 1974, the writing was on the wall and their decade long marriage was starting to show major cracks.  Try as they might, the couple couldn't make their marriage last and the two were divorced by 1975.  But while you might think that they would go on their separate ways, think again.  In 1976, the Sonny and Cher Show was revived, and managed to run episodes well into 1977.  I wouldn't say that the couple really managed to squash their animosities toward each other entirely, but they still managed to show great working chemistry despite their divorce.



By the time the couple reunited with each other one final time on Late Night With David Letterman in November 1987, it did seem like water under the bridge.

But it was right around that time that Bono decided to embark on a career outside of acting and singing.  And interestingly enough, it all began when he tried to open up a restaurant in Palm Springs, California.  The frustration he faced when it came down to the local government bureaucracy slowing the process down got him fired up enough to try to run for mayor of the community in 1988.  Imagine everyone's surprise when he won the vote!  Bono served as mayor of the community from 1988-1992.  And while he lost the election to be brought into the U.S. Senate in 1992, he was elected to the House of Representatives in 1994, beginning his term on January 3, 1995.



Who knew that a little more than three years later, he would be killed in a skiing accident?

But, of course...Sonny's legacy continues on through his four children; Christy, Chaz (born Chastity), Chesare, and Chianna.  A Golden Palm Star on the Palm Springs Walk of Stars was dedicated to him in 1996.  And his wife Mary took Bono's place in his congressional term, remaining in the position (and being elected seven times) until 2012.

Oh, and one final interesting fact before I close this Tuesday Timeline off...he is the only member of the United States Congress to have a #1 hit on the Billboard Charts...and that is a record that I don't see being broken for a very long time.

Unless of course Cher somehow becomes a congresswoman.