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Thursday, May 19, 2016

Hannah Montana - 2011 Television Finale

So, I'm only eight episodes into the "Jem Reviewed" series, and I will be posting the ninth one tomorrow, but I can't help but think that as I watch this show more and more, I'm reminded by another show.

Mind you, it's a show that aired long after Jem hung up her microphone - so really, one might say that this show copied the plot of the other show I'm thinking of at the moment.  But I'll leave that up to you.

So, basically the plot of Jem is that Jerrica Benton is the head of Starlight Music and the owner of Starlight House, and she basically transforms herself into rock goddess Jem in an attempt to win back the company from evil Eric Raymond.  She succeeds in doing that, but shortly after that, she becomes this big star, and the rest of the series has her trying to be two different people with two different identities.  Some people find out along the way and put two and two together, but for the most part she keeps her secret hidden until the show ends.

Well, in the case of the show that I will be talking about today, this person also has two different identities.  In one, she's just a typical high school student trying to learn trigonometry and algebra.  In another, she's the hottest teenage pop star to break out on the music scene.  And much like Jem, she too has a hard time trying to balance the two personalities.

But unlike Jem, this person actually DOES reveal who she is towards the end of the series...and that revelation played a huge role in how the series inevitably ended.

A series that aired its final episode in 2011.



But let's briefly go back to the year 2006 for a bit - when "Hannah Montana" first debuted on the Disney Channel.



Boy, do I remember that period.  It seemed as though you couldn't go anywhere without seeing Hannah Montana videos, Hannah Montana clothing, Hannah Montana dolls...I even remember the automotive department selling Hannah Montana auto decals and Hannah Montana house keys!



But, to be fair, it was a pop culture phenomenon for little kids and tweens.  And, I have to give Miley Cyrus some credit.  After watching a few episodes of the show here and there, I do admit she has natural comic timing and she always did have a good singing voice.  It wasn't enough for me to go out and buy a Hannah Montana album or plaster Hannah Montana posters on my wall because...well, I was 25 when the show was at its peak.  Do I need any other reason?

I can't help but think that when I watch the show some ten years later, it's kind of a knockoff of Jem and the Holograms.  I mean, no, Hannah Montana didn't have a supercomputer named Synergy to help her out, but she had a hard time trying to keep her professional life separate from her private life as high schooler Miley Stewart.  Some people, such as her best friend Lilly (Emily Osment), pal Oliver (Mitchel Musso), brother Jackson (Jason Earles), and father Robby (played by Miley's own father, Billy Ray Cyrus).  But to the rest of the world, she was two separate people.

Naturally there were some episodes where this was exploited.  Some episodes where Miley Stewart made a date with a guy at a Hannah Montana concert, some episodes where Miley is bullied by people who happen to also be Hannah Montana fans...one episode even had her losing her blonde wig over the side of a cruise ship and contemplating what she should do!

I wish I was kidding about that last one.  I'm not.



Whatever the case, Miley Cyrus rode the Hannah Montana train of success for nearly five years, and the show was popular enough to attract the attention of some well-known celebrities including Vicki Lawrence, Dolly Parton, Jay Leno, Sheryl Crow, and Brooke Shields.  It even inspired a full length motion-picture and concert videos.

But all things eventually come to an end...and the end for Hannah Montana came on January 16, 2011.

Now, when Hannah Montana was renewed for a fourth season in 2010-2011, it was expected that it would be the last one.  After all, Miley Cyrus at that time was eighteen years old and wanted to focus on a recording career of her own - which I'll talk about a bit later in this post.

So, because the decision was made to end the show in early 2011, the creators of the show wanted to make sure it had a solid series finale.  And to plant the seed, they had Miley Stewart reveal her secret about six episodes before the final episode aired.



And what was the event that caused the secret to be revealed?  Well, for one, because Miley was spending so much time as Hannah Montana, it prevented her from taking part in extracurricular activities at school, which in turn had her rejected from every college she applied for.  And there was the instance in which she was interested in a guy named Jesse who begins to date her and he figures out that Miley is Hannah on his own.  The relationship gets complicated and they break up because of it.  So, fed up with how keeping two identities was wreaking havoc on her life, she comes clean on Jay Leno's show where she rips off her wig and plays a song as Miley.

Of course, with the world knowing the truth, Miley's life is forever changed, and when it comes down to the finale, Miley must make a huge choice.  She can fly to Paris, France to film a movie role in a big budget blockbuster which will set her up for life...or she can choose to attend college with Lilly in the fall, and put a hold on her career.



At first Miley tries to convince Lilly to join her in Paris, and put off college for a little while, and Lilly almost agrees to do just that.  But at the last moment, she changes her mind, and the two friends separate to begin brand new chapters in their lives...

...but the twist is that in the last minute of the show, Miley comes back to the United States where she becomes Lilly's roommate in the dorms, basically revealing that at the end of it all, Miley really wanted to experience life as a regular person.

So, the ending of Hannah Montana was quite sweet, and many fans of the show saw it as a perfect ending to the series.

Now, we all know that since Hannah Montana ended, Miley Cyrus basically took a shovel to her alter ego, clubbed her to death, and buried her in the Disney graveyard right next to Shia LeBeouf and Vanessa Hudgens.  She cut her hair short, bleached it blonde, released an album called "Bangerz", and defined the definition of twerking, courtesy of Robin Thicke and a foam finger.



Here's the thing.  Certainly Miley Cyrus is no Hannah Montana.  But that being said, I still think that she is a talented individual who despite the controversy she's found herself in can still rock out a show.  I do think that even though the video had people talking, "Wrecking Ball" was one of her best singles that she's released.  And this upcoming season of "The Voice", she'll actually be one of the judges in the spinning chairs this time around.  And while some may see this as a step backwards for the show, I see it as a good call.  After all, she's grown up in the music industry thanks to her father's country music career, and she's been in the industry herself for a decade.  I think she could be good for the show, but we'll see.

Whatever the case, Hannah Montana had her last hurrah five years ago...but Miley Cyrus still continues on.  No need for her to live in the best of both worlds any longer.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

So, I'm Thirty-Five...Now What?

So, this is what 35 looks like.  Not a whole lot different from 34, I must say.  Or 33.  Or, hell, even 32.

I guess when it comes to birthdays, the more you have, the less traumatic they are.  Though ask me again five years from now when I turn that nasty number that comes after 39.



Okay, so I'm 35.  Now what?

Well, let's see what's currently hot in the world of pop culture, shall we?

Let's see...the #1 song in the nation is...



Panda/DESIIGNER

Nope...never heard of this song before.  And, honestly, I don't think I'd want to hear it again.  No offense to Desiigner and all of the rapper's fans...but this song just isn't my cup of tea.

Maybe I'll have better luck with the #1 film at the box office...



CAPTAIN AMERICA:  CIVIL WAR

Ah, what a surprise.  Another superhero film.  I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that May is the month of the summer superhero blockbuster.  I think a superhero film has been #1 on my birthday the last ten years or so.

And, the top television program of the year?  Well...we don't know that yet.  The 2016-2017 season doesn't begin until September.  But, I imagine it'll be some reality show like "The Bachelor" or "Dancing With The Stars" or "The Voice" or something similar.

So, this is what 35 looks like.  I keep trying to not think about the fact that this is the halfway point to 70.  Heck, I'm already finding it hard to believe that 40 is not too far away!

But you know...thirty-five is shaping up to be a year that is unlike any other.



For one, it'll be my first full year as a homeowner.  Has it been a chore some days?  Absolutely.  I've still got some work to do on the inside of the house, I have to eventually replace half of my roof, and I cringe every time I open up my electricity bill.



THANKS, KATHLEEN WYNNE!



But you know what?  Compared to where I was a year ago, I wouldn't change this experience for anything.  I love my home, and I am still pinching myself, not quite believing that it actually happened.  After going through a childhood where I was bounced around from house to house for various reasons, it's good to have a permanent spot to chill.  I still never forgot the time when I was five years old, and my family was forced to move out of the place we called home because a land developer had planned to build a mini mall where we lived.  Several families lost their homes to "progress".  Instead, what sits there is an empty spot.  My childhood home was a paradise.  And like the Joni Mitchell song stated, they paved it over to put up a parking lot.  And for years after that fact, I wondered if I would ever have a place where I could call home - and a place that nobody could ever take away from me again.

But now...I have a place of my very own that I can do whatever I want in.  I could even dance around in my underwear if I wanted to.



Not that I actually DO...it's just nice to have that option.

So, that is one thing that I can officially cross off that bucket list.  I now have a home.

And as of right now, that's fine.

It's hard to believe that the vast majority of my classmates have settled down and started families already.  I know some of them have as many as three kids, and a couple are on their second spouses.  That's fine and dandy, and I genuinely pleased that they have found what they are looking for.

But one thing I've had to deal with in life is the fact that everyone is living their life at fast-forward, while I keep experiencing the "Be Kind, Rewind" syndrome.  It's like my classmates are Blu-Ray players, and here I am living the Betamax kind of life.

But I've always struggled with social issues.  I know for a fact that I have some form of social anxiety that keeps me from getting to know people because I'm afraid I'll do something that offends them, or I'll do something that makes them be mean to me.  I suppose that's why it took me two whole years to even so much as open up to anybody at the store I work at.

(That's no lie.  Just ask any of my co-workers who were around in 2005.)

I guess my goal for 35 is to try and overcome that social anxiety, as well as find out the real reasons behind why I appear to be so quirky to other people.  But, I fear that it might not be that easy.

I've debated on how I wanted to write this down.  To be honest with you, I feel ridiculous expressing something about myself that I don't even know if there is truth to it in the first place.  But I've always wanted to be completely honest here in this blog, and I know that while not everybody reads this space, I definitely want to make a few things clear.

I know that since I've been young, my brain has been wired completely different from how a "normal" brain should work.  And, I know that there have been times in which I've appreciated it, but there are times in which I wanted someone else's brain. 

On one hand, when it comes to how I process information, I don't seem to have a problem with that.  I have a very good long term memory (which helps in writing this blog, let me tell you).  I always did well in school when it came down to academics, and I probably have more useless knowledge in my brain than anyone else in the world.  I'd make a great contestant on "Jeopardy"...well, if that quiz show would actually accept Canadians again.  And, I feel this about that decision...



But on the other hand, I have a hard time cultivating relationships and friendships.  I'm getting a little better at it, but I know I come across as extremely socially awkward to a lot of people.  And while I'm glad that the people in my life don't see it too much of a big deal...it wasn't always the case. 



It's also why I have very few friends who are my own age.  I always felt like I was competing with them or comparing myself to them, and I wondered why they found life so easy and carefree, while I had difficulties of my own.  It really hurt my feelings when my classmates would pretend to be my friend so I would help them with their homework, only for them to ignore me when it came time for recess.  It almost made it seem like the only reason people bothered with me at all was so they could get better grades in school.  It never really dawned on them that they were being incredibly selfish, and that I had feelings.

I mean, I get that was a personality flaw that they had to deal with.  But it didn't make it any easier.  My entire life up until now has always been a "Me vs. The World" mentality.  I felt ganged up on because I didn't feel like I could measure up to everyone else.  I didn't feel like I was normal because everyone else made it a point to make it so.

I know in my heart that I do deserve to be happy.  I know that I have just as much right to hold down a job as anyone else (and I have for eleven years and counting).  I have as much right to have friends - and when I say friends, I mean friends who will be there for you all the time - not just when they need help spelling a word or two or 676.  And, yeah...I know I've said before that I have no interest in finding a romantic partner, or getting married, or having children...

...but I'm lying to myself.  And you know what?  I do have the right to have all those things if I want them.

But I am not going to lie here.  I know my brain, personality, and even physical appearance is not like everyone else's...and that's fine.  What a boring world this would be if we were all the same.  But I just wish that my quirks in personality didn't result in me feeling badly about myself for feeling like I don't measure up, or that I wouldn't make a great partner for someone.  More importantly, I wish my quirks attracted people instead of repelled them because they are things that I cannot change.

And I don't feel as though I have to because if I do, I wouldn't be true to myself.  And that to me is a greater sin than having someone else try to change me.

I honestly don't know why I am the way I am.  I could just be built that way.  I could be as stubborn as my starsign of Taurus and not change for anyone.  It could even be something deeper such as having some part of my brain not being able to deal with social situations that well.  It could require treatment for social anxiety.  For all I know, I could even be on the autism spectrum and not have even known it.  None of that matters though.

The fact is that I am a human being, and I deserve to be given the same love, respect, and kindness that anybody else in this world needs to have. 

So, I guess my goal for 35 is to just accept the fact that when it comes to making connections and understanding my social awkwardness, I'm going to have many more barriers than other people.  But I'm not saying this as a way to push anyone away or to get sympathy.  I just want everyone to know that this is who I am...and if I let you into my life, just know that I think you're incredibly special, and that you're someone that I genuinely want in it.

It's not easy for me to say it in words...but it's much easier to write it.

I think I'm going to like 35 a lot.  I already feel better about it just writing this piece!

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

May 17, 1989

It's time for another Tuesday Timeline entry, and while this entry deviates a bit from the 2011 theme I have had going all month long, it is quite an interesting topic of discussion.  At least, I'd like to think so anyway.

Before we get on with the main part of the timeline, we should really see what else happened in the world on May 17.

1536 - The marriage of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn is annulled

1590 - Anne of Demnark is crowned Queen of Scotland

1792 - The New York Stock Exchange is formed

1849 - St. Louis, Missouri is almost completely destroyed due to a massive fire sweeping through the city

1865 - The International Telegraph Union is founded in Paris, France

1875 - The First Kentucky Derby is won by Aristides

1936 - Actor Dennis Hopper (d. 2010) is born in Dodge City, Kansas

1938 - Actor Jason Bernard (d. 1996) is born in Chicago, Illinois

1939 - The first televised sporting event is broadcast in the United States; a collegiate baseball game held in New York City

1940 - Brussels, Belgium is occupied by German troops during World War II

1944 - American-Canadian singer Jesse Winchester (d. 2014) is born in Bossier City, Louisiana

1950 - Disney film composer Howard Ashman (d. 1991) is born in Baltimore, Maryland

1973 - Televised hearings regarding the Watergate scandal begin in the United States Senate

1974 - A deadly day in Ireland takes place when four separate car bombs in Dublin and Monaghan claim the lives of 33 people and injure 300 more

1990 - The World Health Organization removes homosexuality from its list of psychiatric diseases

1992 - Variety show host Lawrence Welk dies at the age of 89

2000 - Riots break out at the 2000 UEFA Cup Finals between Arsenal fans and Galatasaray fans in Copenhagen, Denmark

2004 - The first legal same-sex marriages are performed in Massachusetts; actor Tony Randall passes away at the age of 84

2005 - Actor Frank Gorshin passes away, aged 72

2012 - Singer Donna Summer dies of lung cancer at the age of 63

2013 - Seventy-two people are injured when two Metro-North commuter trains collide near Bridgeport, Connecticut

2015 - Rival biker gangs in Waco, Texas engage in a shootout inside a restaurant leaving nine dead and eighteen injured

And turning one year older are the following famous faces - Ronald Wayne, Gary Paulsen, Grace Zabriskie, Al White, David Simeon, Howard Hampton, Bill Paxton, Sugar Ray Leonard, Bob Saget, Jim Nantz, Simon Fuller, Enya, Craig Ferguson, Page McConnell, David Eigenburg, Mauro Martini, Rob Pruitt, Trent Reznor, Hill Harper, Tabatha Coffey, Alan Doyle, Thom Filicia, Jordan Knight, Sasha Alexander, Steve Barakatt, Josh Homme, Andrea Corr, Kandi Burruss, Tony Parker, Derek Hough, Tahj Mowry, and Daniel Curtis Lee.

So, since we aren't going back to 2011 in this entry, what year will we be looking at instead?



Well, how about we go back in time 27 years?  May 17, 1989.

This would have been right around my 8th birthday, and I think what I was doing that day was learning about the solar system in second grade, likely reading a Jughead comic book or two, and watching a couple of episodes of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on television.

But while I was watching the Ninja Turtles, something else was going on in the world of television.  Particularly on MTV, to be precise.

May 17, 1989 was the date that a particular music video debuted, and let's just say that the video itself was a masterpiece.  If you remember what music videos were like when MTV debuted in 1981, you'd think that watching this music video in 1989 was like nothing you had ever seen before.

And it wasn't.

What if I told you that this music video was the most expensive video ever made in the 1980s?  That's impressive right?  And what if I told you that this video was the third most expensive music video of all time?  That would be even more impressive.

Most impressive of all?  Of the top ten most expensive music videos ever made, this woman has made three of them!

So, who is this singer?  And what's the music video?



Today we'll be talking about Madonna, and her music video for "Express Yourself", the David Fincher directed masterpiece based on the 1927 film "Metropolis" that still holds up twenty-seven years later.



The cost of the music video?  Well, back in 1989, it cost a cool five million.  If you adjust that into 2016 money, it would have cost close to nine million had it been made today!  Back in 1989, some full length motion pictures didn't even have a five million dollar budget!

But Madonna certainly did have the money.  Thanks to her brief endorsement with Pepsi (and I do mean brief), she pocketed the five million to pay for the production of the video for "Express Yourself".

The composition for the song began in 1988 - just after Madonna wrapped up production on the film "Who's That Girl".  At that time, she was working on songs for her fourth album "Like A Prayer", and to say that 1988 was a difficult year for Madonna would be an understatement.  She was undergoing problems in her marriage to actor Sean Penn (they would divorce in 1989), and she was having conflicts with her religious convictions, and she was trying to find a way to deal with the paparazzi and having every aspect of her life placed under a microscope.  And certainly all of that angst and emotion can be heard throughout the entirety of "Like A Prayer", with some calling it her best album that she has ever released.



"Express Yourself" was the first single that Madonna worked on for the album, and she was inspired by funk band Sly & The Family Stone when recording the single with producer Stephen Bray (who had worked with Madonna on her "True Blue" album in 1986).  In Bray's version, the single does have a nice throwback to the late 1960s funk and soul vibe that seemed to dominate the music charts back then.  In the music video version, the song was remixed by Shep Pettibone (who also mixed "Vogue", "Erotica", "Deeper and Deeper", and "Rain", amongst other Madonna songs), but the remix seemed to blend in well with the theme of the video.  (And you can listen to the remixed version by clicking HERE.)

That theme, of course, is female empowerment, and not settling for second best.  As Madonna explained in this 1989 article featured in Interview magazine...

"The ultimate thing behind the song is that if you don't express yourself, if you don't say what you want, then you're not going to get it.  And in effect, you are chained down by your inability to say what you feel or go after what you want.  No matter how in control you think you are about sexuality in a relationship there is always the power struggle...always a certain amount of compromise.  Of being beholden, if you love them.  You do it because you choose to.  No one put the chain around this neck but me.  I wrote 'Express Yourself' to tell women around the world that pick and choose the best for yourself before that chain around your neck kills you instead.  It's my take on how man can express what they want, the same prerogative should be there for a woman too."



Now, this explains that scene where Madonna is lying on a bed naked with a chain around her neck.  It's just one of the messages that Madonna wanted to present with the video.  I'll admit that I was maybe 11 or 12 before I saw this video for the first time, and I was confused as heck by it.  Men doing push-ups in the rain, cats running all over the place, Madonna pouring milk over her shoulder...all these scenes did not make sense to a young kid, but as an adult, I totally get it.

I find it funny that before Madonna came around that factory that every worker there was working like clockwork, and once she picked the man that she wanted to have sex with, the factory shut down and erupted into chaos.  Maybe she had more control than anyone thought!



Whatever the case, it took a lot of work to put the video together, and here's some behind the scenes facts that you might not know regarding the filming of this video, courtesy of text transcripts of Madonna's interviews, as well as Pop-Up Video!

1 -  There were a total of three different cats used in the filming of this video.

2 -  The man that Madonna chose to get to know better is played by model Cameron Alborzian.

3 - Madonna hated filming the scene where she had to pour milk all over herself - but she decided to do it because it was what David Fincher wanted to make the shot look good.  In the end, she agreed that she was glad to have let him win that argument.

4 - This isn't the first video that David Fincher directed for Madonna.  He also directed "Vogue" and "Bad Girl".

5 - At the time she filmed "Express Yourself", she was also working on "Dick Tracy" with Warren Beatty - whom Madonna had a relationship with.  She had asked Warren to play the role of one of the workers, but Beatty refused.

6 -  After its May 17, 1989 debut on MTV, the video was placed on extremely heavy rotation - played at least once an hour for three weeks straight!

7 - Despite the promotion and cost of the video, "Express Yourself" stalled at #2 on the Billboard Charts.

8 - Madonna simulated Michael Jackson's dance style in one scene of the video.  You'll know it when you see it.

9 - The video won three MTV Video Music Awards.



When it comes down to it, Madonna expressed herself in this video the way that no other female artist had done before.  It was something fresh and new, and delivered a positive message, not just for women, but for everyone.  This was the period in which Madonna was clearly at her best.  And to think that this video was released twenty-seven years ago today!

Monday, May 16, 2016

Bad Teacher - 2011 Movie Moment

Have any of you out there had a teacher that was incredibly bad?

I can tell you quite a few horror stories about bad teachers.  Like the computer teacher in ninth grade who I suspect was on the...how you say...wacky tobaccy during class.  Or, the history teacher who seemed to take delight in salivating over the historical figures who caused pain and misery to the general public.  Or the first grade teacher who humiliated you in class because you preferred to walk on your toes.

Certainly in this world are teachers who are absolutely horrible to their students and certainly should never be placed in a classroom setting.  Ever.

But what about teachers who are perceived to be bad by everyone else, but by the time you have them they end up being among one of the best teachers you've ever had?  I seem to recall having one of these teachers when I was in elementary school.  Everyone told me that the woman who taught French was scary and evil and yelled at kids in her classroom, and when we learned we'd have her for French instruction in the fifth grade, I was a little nervous.  But she was one of the few teachers who actually seemed to give a damn about me, and made me feel comfortable learning a second language.

And yes...she did yell at students - but they were misbehaving in class.  They had it coming.



Well, for today's flashback to 2011, I'm going to be taking a look at the movie "Bad Teacher".  It was a movie that while it scored mixed reviews by critics - I'll be the first to admit that I loved it.

Then again, for some reason, there's not too many films featuring Cameron Diaz that I DON'T like.  I know, she's one of those actresses that cause bi-polar reactions.  Some absolutely loathe her, but I like her.  Maybe it was her stint as Princess Fiona in Shrek that cemented it.



So, as mentioned, Cameron Diaz plays the role of Elizabeth Halsey, a junior high school teacher who basically does everything that a teacher probably shouldn't do.  You know, things like dropping F-bombs during class, or showing movies in an attempt to get out of teaching.  Things like that.  Mind you, students like myself would have loved having a teacher like that, but we wouldn't have learned much.

But that's okay because teaching has never really been Elizabeth's passion anyway.  She's more interested in getting hitched to her rich boyfriend and living the lifestyle that gold-digging women like her feel they deserve.

Hate her already, don't you?

Well, when she gets dumped after he puts two and two together - ironically something she should have taught her class - Elizabeth is now forced to do the one thing she hates the most.  Teach.

Of course, Elizabeth soon discovers a new incentive to stay at the school when she meets substitute teacher Scott Delacorte (Justin Timberlake), and she pretty much degrades herself even more by throwing herself at him at every opportunity.  The fact that he is the heir to a watch manufacturing company makes him that much more desirable. 

There's just a couple of things standing in Elizabeth's way.  And believe me when I say that there are two major obstacles in her path.

See, she learns that Scott's last girlfriend had gigantic breasts, and Elizabeth does not.  Therefore, she makes the really stupid conclusion that if she gets her breasts enlarged, it will make Scott fall in love with her.  A plan that seems to be ridiculed by school gym teacher Russell Gettis (Jason Segel), but that's only because Russell himself has a crush on Elizabeth, and wants to get her attention even though Elizabeth snubs him for being a gym teacher.

And then there's Amy Squirrel (Lucy Punch), a teacher who basically exhibits all the characteristics of a person who loves their job and who has dedicated their life to teaching - and who also happens to develop a crush on Scott...and who has resentment against Elizabeth because she somehow manages to stick around at the school despite breaking nearly every rule in the book.

So we have our plot.  Elizabeth hates teaching and wants to impress a guy by getting money for new boobs.  Scott likes Elizabeth, but likes Amy more.  Russell likes Elizabeth, but can't seem to get her attention because Elizabeth is smitten over Scott.  And in between all of that are a group of kids who don't seem to be learning anything other than to be a shallow, insecure adult.

Now you know why this movie is called "Bad Teacher"!

But as the movie progresses, things change.  Elizabeth starts to develop a new appreciation for teaching, and her feelings shift from one person to another.  Sure, she still breaks the rules and engages in some pretty unprofessional behaviour to raise the money for the breast enhancement surgery, but she eventually does come to see the error of her ways.  Someone else in the film gets a major comeuppance as well, and while it's someone you might not expect, it's still strangely satisfying to see.

If you haven't seen this film yet, definitely make it a point to do so.  It may not have been one of the best films of 2011, but it is far from being the worst.

Seriously.  I've seen "Jack and Jill".

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) - 2011 Music Moment

When I think back to 2011 during the year of music, I think of several artists who made an impact during that year.  Britney Spears made a comeback with "Hold It Against Me".  Lady Gaga told everyone that they should be happy to be "Born This Way".  And, yes...even Justin Bieber managed to convince people to sneak underneath the "Mistletoe" with him.

But 2011 was a really big year for singer Katy Perry.

Remember how she released the album "Teenage Dream" back in 2010?  Well, nobody knew it at that time, but that album would be considered one of Katy's best efforts, and helped her break at least one record and tie another one.



And honestly, it's a really great record. 

As someone who has found pop music to be quite lackluster over the last two decades, I would have to say that "Teenage Dream" was a rare bright spot in the playlists of cover versions, sampled songs, and songs that basically repeated the same words over and over again.

I'm looking at you Wiz "Black and Yellow" Khalifa.

Back to "Teenage Dream", the album is considered (at least in my opinion) to be a pop masterpiece.  The title track is sultry and sexy, "Firework" is a great self-esteem booster, and "California Gurls" is a song that could still be played at summer gatherings today!  Even weaker songs such as "E.T." could still be considered great compared to some of the stuff that came out around this time.

And of course, there's this song - the topic of today's Sunday Jukebox post.  Looking back on it, I should have posted it on Friday instead, but whatever...it's still going to work.



ARTIST:  Katy Perry
SONG:  Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)
ALBUM:  Teenage Dream
DATE RELEASED:  June 6, 2011
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #1 for 2 weeks

This song was the song that engraved Katy Perry's name into the history books for pop music forever.

You see, all of the songs that I had mentioned previously in this blog post all reached the top of the charts between the summer of 2010 and the summer of 2011.  This was the fifth single release from "Teenage Dream" to reach the top spot on the Billboard Charts.  This tied a record that was first achieved by Michael Jackson all the way back in the 1980s!

But in her own right, Katy Perry broke a record and set the stage for women everywhere to challenge her, as she became the first female to have five singles from the same album reach #1.  Nobody else had done it before, and as of 2016, nobody has come close to breaking the record.  Not Adele.  Not Meghan Trainor.  Not even Madonna!



The song itself is definitely a great one, even though critics were not as impressed with the lyrical content.  And since I brought that up, I suppose many are wondering where the source of the lyrics came from.  After all, the song talks about skinny-dipping in the park, drinking too many shots, and having a ménage à trois!  Definitely a much more exciting Friday night than stocking pineapples and watermelons at work, or sitting in front of a television watching "The Amazing Race" while eating rippled potato chips and Philadelphia Cream Cheese Dip.

Don't judge me.  You probably did the same thing last Friday night!

Well, according to Miss Katy Perry herself - the song was based on a real life chain of events one night in Santa Barbara, California!

In an interview that she did on MTV back in the summer of 2011, Perry admits that they went to a club called Wildcat where they drank a little bit too much, danced erratically on the dance floor, did a little disrobing at a nearby park, and took the party to the hotel where Katy was staying at!  I can only imagine the poor guests who were on the same floor as Katy's entourage not getting the greatest night's rest!

But everything happened the way that Perry sang that it did...well, minus the ménage à trois, that is.  After all, she was married to comedian Russell Brand at the time.

And can we just talk about the explosion of colour that the music video brought to our eyes?  It may not be the greatest video that Perry has ever done (in my opinion, "California Gurls" and "Firework" were much more creative), but it's got a lot of references to the decade that Katy was born.  I know being a child of the 1980s myself, I can definitely pick out some of the cameos by top notch entertainers back in the day.  Debbie Gibson and Corey Feldman played the parents of Katy's alter ego, Kathy Beth Terry.  And although he doesn't play the saxophone solo in the song, Kenny G does a convincing job...sax synching?  Is that the proper term for it?

Whatever.  I'm going with it.

But it's not just the 1980s that are represented.  Look closely, and you might see Hanson Mmmbopping their way through a scene in the video.  "Glee" star Darren Criss appears at the very beginning of the video as a party guest who informs Kathy Beth Terry about the debauchery that went on that Friday night.  And in an attempt to grasp onto her fifteen minutes of fame, "Friday" singer Rebecca Black appears alongside Katy Perry and they play a rousing game of "Just Dance"!

TRIVIA:  The home where the video is shot belongs to John Schneider - otherwise known as Bo Duke.

And, of course, the video's plot is one that has been recycled from a standard teen film from the 1980s.  A nerdy girl is interested in the hunky football star, but the football jock won't have anything to do with her because she's dressed like one of the nerd extras hanging out at The Max in "Saved By The Bell".  So, Rebecca Black gives her a makeover and she turns into this perfectly preppy princess that almost everyone in acid-wash jeans would want to get with.  It's a little cheesy, but the whole song is meant to be fun anyway, so I can overlook it.

And besides...the video was good enough for it to win the Favourite Music Video Award at the People's Choice Awards in 2012,  And in a nice bit of cross promotion, when the video achieved more than 500,000 likes on YouTube, Perry released a video of an interview that she did with pop culture website "Digital Spy" where she gave the interview in character as Kathy Beth Terry!

It's been nearly five years since she's released this song that earned her a spot in pop music history forever.  What's she done since then?  Well, she divorced her husband in 2012, she released the album "Prism" one year later, and performed at the Super Bowl halftime show in 2015.

And as of late, there's been a little bit of controversy going on with her surrounding Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez.  It's alleged that Taylor Swift wrote the song "Bad Blood" about her former friendship with Perry, and more recently, there's been talk of Katy's boyfriend, Orlando Bloom, cheating on her with Selena Gomez.  But so far, Katy's kept quiet regarding that one.

Still...it's been a couple of years since Katy's released new music.  I think it's time for her to start recording again!

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Friendship Scars - 2011 Personal Memory



I want to talk about scars for a moment.

And, what I mean by scars, I mean actual scars.  Not the evil antagonist from Disney's "The Lion King". 

How many of you have a scar?  Or how many of you have had several scars?  Do you hide them, or do you show them off with pride?

I myself boast a total of four scars...but only three of them are visible on my body.

The first one is so tiny that you can hardly see it.  But when I was a year old, I ended up with a scar next to my left eye.  How I got the scar remains debatable.  I assumed it was when our family dog tried to bite off my face, but my parents seem to think I banged it on the side of a coffee table.  Either way, the scar's there.

The second scar I got was when I was around three years old.  It's also the scar you can't see because my hair covers it.  But I fell on a playground slide and bashed my head on the bottom of it.  I don't know whether this incident triggered my fear of heights or not.

And when I was eleven - once again, on a slide - I slid down the wrong way and ended up with several pebbles embedded into my left knee.  The pebbles were removed, but I was left with four circular scars as a result of it due to the fact that I was wearing shorts at the time.

And, of course...my most recent scar also happens to be the largest scar of all.  If you're squeamish about scars, you have my permission to stop reading this post.  But here's a picture of it.



I measured it.  It measures exactly twelve inches across.  And keeping with the theme, I received this scar five years ago in February 2011.

Now, I've talked about how I got the scar before here.  That was when my liver tried to marry my infected gall bladder, and how the doctors decided to permanently annul the union because that marriage would have resulted in my funeral. 

But I do have a moment immediately after that incident took place that has me grateful that I have the scar...and sad that I had some emotional scars that came a couple of years after said event.

So, anyway, my surgery was on February 12, 2011, and for that entire day, I was totally out of it.  Seriously, my surgery took six hours.

And the rest of the night (I came out of my surgery induced coma around 6:30 in the evening - my surgery started at 12:45), I was in a morphine induced haze with a blood transfusion hooked up to one arm, and a catheter attached...well...yeah, you don't need to know.  It was definitely the ugliest that I believe I have ever looked.

And I survived the chicken pox.

Over the next two days, I engaged in such thrilling activities as attempting to sit in a chair (and failing miserably due to the blood loss from surgery), getting three separate blood transfusions (where I learned my blood type is O!), and basically just lying around doing a whole lot of nothing.

Oh, sure...my family was able to come and visit me for a little bit.  But since I was in the Step Down unit (which was the area where once critical patients stabilized), family members were the only ones permitted to see me.  So, it made for a rather boring experience.  If I could, I would have had my Nintendo DS hooked up, but they tend to frown upon video games in the Step Down wing.

So, imagine my surprise when a non-family member came in out of the blue to see how I was doing!

I recognized him right away.  It was my co-worker, Graham.  He and I worked in the dairy department and I had known him at that time for five years.  We were really close friends, and whenever we got the chance to hang out at work, he would play cards with me in the break room, or he'd tell lots of funny jokes, or he'd just listen to me vent about things.  He never always had the right answers, but he always had time to listen.

I'll leave out the part where he tried to get me drunk at Boston Pizza.  The joke was on him though.  My alcohol tolerance level was quite high!

Anyway, I was happy to see Graham, but I had no idea how he managed to sneak into the Step Down Unit to come visit me!  I'm guessing he told the nurses that I was a relative of his or something like that...I honestly don't know.  I never did find out how he did it, but it doesn't matter now.  The fact that he took the time to come and see me when I was at my worst really meant a lot to me, and I think that was the day that really cemented our friendship. 

Two weeks later, I was released from the hospital, and it took another month before I was given the all clear to return to work.  And, over the next two and a half years, my bond with Graham strengthened, and he quickly went from becoming my good friend to my best friend at work.  I knew he would always be there for me, and I knew I was always going to be there for him.

At least, that's what I wanted to believe.

You see...Graham passed away in November 2013.  He was just one month shy of his 44th birthday.  And, I'm not going to lie...his passing broke my heart. 

My best friend was now gone.  It was bad enough that our friend and mutual co-worker Alex had died a year earlier.  To lose Graham too was just too much.  It's been two and a half years since his passing, and I still think about him every day.  And every single time, I remember how he came to the hospital to see how I was doing because he truly cared about me.

I never really had a whole lot of people in my life who really gave a stuff about me.  Graham was one of those rare people who really loved life and who really loved people.  He had so much to give to the world, and part of me thinks it is so unfair that he had such a short time on this planet.

I never had a friend like Graham before.  And now that he's gone, I fear that I may not meet a friend like him ever again.  But, I know that Graham would not want me to feel sad for him, nor would he want me to stop living the rest of my life.


I survived five years ago because I was meant to.  What that meaning is...I'm still trying to decide.  But one thing is for sure, I never forgot that day.  Because while I did end up with a huge scar across my chest...I did find out the true value of friendship...and it's absolutely priceless.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Jem Reviewed: Episode 8 - Starbright: Rising Star

This is the conclusion of the "Starbright" saga for Jem Reviewed.  As you might remember from last week, Jem and the Holograms had to come back to the movie set they quit to raise money for Ba Nee's eye operation.  And The Misfits did everything to sabotage them.  But when one goes too far, it's Kimber that is at risk of losing her life.



Let's not wait any longer.  Time for Episode 8 - Starbright: Rising Star!

So after Nick...ahem...Dick Mann abandons Kimber to die in a movie set that is blowing up, Jerrica is worried that she will lose her truly outrageous little sister. 



Fortunately, Jeff Wright - who is more of a man than our fearful star of the movie - leaps onto his motorcycle, drives through the explosions, rescues Kimber, and manages to leap out of the path of danger before he and Kimber get seriously hurt. 

Though, Jeff's motorcycle doesn't make it.  Must be an American model.



Although Kimber isn't physically harmed, she is visibly shaken, and Jeff takes her to the first aid trailer for a check-up.  Meanwhile, Dick Mann has the audacity to congratulate Jeff on some killer stunt work, making no mention of Kimber or showing concern for either of them.  Aja grabs a motorcycle helmet, shoves it hard into Dick's gut, and tells him to stick his fat head into that with a sarcastic "hero" tacked onto the end of it.



Yep.  It's official.  I LOVE Aja!

Aja and Shana later stand in front of Jerrica as she transforms into Jem - because when it comes down to delivering the smackdown, Jem certainly has more cojones than Jerrica could even dream of having.  And certainly when it comes to confronting Eric Raymond about what happened to Kimber, Jem will take no prisoners.



Of course, the Misfits refuse to take the blame - even though Clash pretty much gives it away with her stupid cymbal bracelets - and Jem, Aja, and Shana quit the film again, with Jem stating that although her own life is worth falling through papier mache logs, she won't let Kimber be barbecued in the middle of a desert...or something like that.  I assume that Kimber quits by proxy, since she's still recovering from nearly being turned into a french fry.



Rio also quits the project, nearly killing Eric in the process.  Ah, there's quintessential Rio, flexing his muscles and proving how much of a man he is.  Can you tell I'm NOT a Rio fan?



But here's where things get very interesting.  One by one, the film crew - who has taken the brunt of Eric's abuse as well as catering to the spoiled Misfits - walk off the set as well, stating that they can do better than this film.  There are a few holdouts like Georgia the grudge holder and Dick Mann, but most of the crew leaves, causing Eric to struggle to finish the film.



Meanwhile, it looks like Kimber is going to be just fine, and Jeff stays with her to make sure.  Kimber decides that she is going to have to choke down some humble pie and apologize for how badly she treated him, and that she really wants to give him a chance.  Judging by this picture, I think Jeff accepts.



Back at Starlight Mansion, Jerrica is reading Ba Nee a bedtime story, and as you can see from this screenshot, Ba Nee's eyes are getting much worse.  Just another reminder of how depressing this storyline is.  After reading Ba Nee the story, Aja notices that Jerrica is very sad, and Jerrica is sad, given that she doesn't have the money to pay for Ba Nee's operation.  But fear not.  She has a plan.

It's Showtime Synergy once more, and Jem and Aja head downstairs - where most of the film crew waits.  It turns out that Jem has an idea.  They'll make their own film with a limited budget to compete against the Misfits film at the box office.  Great idea!  WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DO THAT TWO EPISODES AGO?!?



It does have merit.  Anthony Julien mentions that they shot Jem's first video on a shoestring budget.  Yeah, but that first video was "Twilight In Paris", which was shot in Paris.  You shut up, Julien.  Other than that, the ideas are great.  They can film scenes at Starlight Mansion and Starlight Music.  Jem and the Holograms will record all the music.  Danielle DuVoisin will make the costumes.  And amazingly, all of the crew members offer their services for free!  I see the warm fuzzies behind the idea, but don't these people have mortgages?

Whatever.  Starbright lives!  Jem says so.  And let's celebrate with a song!



Only - "Putting It All Together" is a really BAD song!  Even the video lacks creativity.  I mean, they could have used "Gettin' Down To Business" from episode three for this scene and it would have worked.  Oh well, they can't all be winners.

Video arrives late for the meeting and is outside setting up her equipment when Clash pulls up in her car taunting her.  It's also through this exchange that we learn that Clash's real name is Constance Montgomery!  I guess it fits, since she's a constance...ahem...constant pain. 

Luckily, the actress that plays Clash is anything but.  In today's piece of Jem Trivia, I reveal that Clash is voiced by Cathy Cavadini - who also voices Blossom on "The Powerpuff Girls"!



And, of course, Chatterbox Video lets Clash know that Jem is doing her own movie.  Naturally, the Misfits get wind of Jem's latest move, and they are none too pleased by it.  But Pizzazz has a plan.  She convinces Georgia to give Clash a makeover so that she can sneak onto the set of Jem's movie to sabotage it.  Georgia starts to show some hesitation, but Pizzazz threatens her.  And this is the person that Georgia wants to DEFEND?



Whatever the case, Georgia transforms Clash into Debbie Gibson, and I have to say that I can see why Georgia is a make-up artist.  She really made Clash unrecognizable.

Lindsey Pearce comes to Starlight Music to get some news on the Jem Project, and Howard Sands confirms that the film has a small budget, but a lot of heart.  Rio blabbers on about how he's the leading man of the film because his ego needs massaging.  Kimber and Aja reiterate the fact that nobody on the crew is taking a salary.  And Jerrica reveals that the soundtrack album for the movie will be released soon with all proceeds going towards the Starlight Girls - because if she mentioned that she was getting the money for Ba Nee, she'd have eleven other girls seething.



It seems like Project: Starbright is going very well.  I wonder how the Misfits movie is doing?



Well, at that moment, director Eric Raymond is absolutely angered at the fact that Pizzazz has brought on several orangutans and other creatures for the film shoot.  Okay, so far the Misfits movie contains a scene in outer space, a Mad Max inspired terrain, a Las Vegas casino, and now a jungle.  This movie sounds more bizarre than "Spice World".

But, I suppose the Misfits needed all those animals for their next video, which is coming on in T-minus 5, 4, 3...



I think it's funny that the Misfits released a song called "Welcome to the Jungle" a full year before Guns 'N Roses released their version.  But I must say, I do enjoy this one.  That's to the credit of Ellen Bernfield, who does Pizzazz's vocals.  She really delivers in this song.



Unfortunately, Dick Mann doesn't really deliver in his performance.  After getting spooked by a lion, Dick freaks out and throws Pizzazz into a lagoon, making her scream loudly and whatever remaining crew is at the movie burst into laughter.  Dick Mann takes out his frustration on Eric Raymond and whines that he was supposed to be the star of the show with JEM, and quits the film.  Oh, I wish Nelson Muntz was around with a Ha-Ha right about now.



Clash successfully infiltrates the soundstage of the Starbright Movie and does some minor sabotage, such as stealing costumes, lighting equipment, etc.  But when she overhears a conversation between Jeff and Video about the video tape of Jem's accident, Clash knows that she must get that tape back at all costs.



Back at the Misfits set, it seems as though the Misfits have become even more obnoxious, and their terrible attitudes are causing more staff members to flee.  Even Georgia has seen the band's true colours, and she walks off the set as well!



And, where does Georgia go?  Crawling back to the Starbright set and begging Jem and the others to forgive her for how badly she treated them.  Now, given Georgia's bad attitude, I wouldn't blame Jem for telling her to go fly a kite.  But Jem decides that Georgia is worth keeping around, and tells her that she's more than welcome to help.

The first thing Georgia does to help is out Clash!  When Georgia notices that Clash is stealing the videotape of Jem's accident from Video's camera bag. she recognizes her handiwork a mile away!  Furthermore, the rest of the crew have noticed the things that are missing, and Jem and the Holograms put two and two together.



Clash runs outside, hops into her car and thus launches the second high speed car chase of the series just eight episodes in.  Clash drives like a maniac, and she almost succeeds in killing Jem and the others by having them nearly get into an accident. 



But Jem realizes that she has a supercomputer on her side, and with help of the JemStar earrings, she projects a hologram of a fallen oak tree across the street that Clash is on, which causes her to spin out of control.  Nice idea for stopping the car, but I'm just saying that had she flipped the car and died, Jem would technically be charged with manslaughter at the very least.

But let's not think about that.  Clash is apprehended, the stuff is recovered, and Jeff rushes the tape to the movie unions.  Gee, I wonder how Pizzazz will react to this news?



I'm guessing not well.

It's time for the final scene to be shot for the Starbright Movie, and it's essentially a love scene between Jem and Rio.  It's a great display of walls of flowers, Jem's acting, and Rio's jealousy.  They have a minor argument in character, and nearly meet for their on-screen kiss when...



...oh, sweet Jesus...what is DICK MANN doing there?  Okay, I can maybe tolerate the Holograms giving Georgia another shot, but if Jem gives him another shot, this movie just may as well be shelved.  Even Rio threatens to quit the film if Dick comes back, which tells me that sometimes Rio can be just as much of a dick as he is. 



Ah, but fear not.  Jem has a plan.  Taking lessons from Aja about how to hit someone where it hurts, Jem simultaneously strokes his ego while stabbing it at the same time.  First she offers him a bit part, which makes him seethe.  And then when she announces that he will be working for free like everybody else, that makes Dick Mann prove how much of a dick he really is, and he storms off like a petulant child.  And somewhere on the radio, Steam is singing "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye".

Actually, that sounds like a good idea.  The scene concludes with Jem and Rio kissing, wrapping up the shoot as well as the video for the wonderful song, "People Who Care". 



"People Who Care" is really the first ballad that Jem and the Holograms have done...and while it does come across as a little cheesy...it's quite a nice song.  I like it.

That's a wrap, everyone!



And, contrary to what this screenshot implies, Ashley doesn't become a lesbian.  I think it's supposed to be a hug...it's just badly drawn.

Meanwhile, Pizzazz is lying on a sofa musing about how wonderful it is to be rich, famous, and gorgeous, and at first I'm thinking that this is just a normal day for Pizzazz...but it's actually a scene for their film.  Nice to see their modesty translating onto the big screen!



But their scene is interrupted by a group of people from the director's guild, acting guild, stuntman union, and some other Hollywood groups.  I don't know what they are, as I'm quite distracted by that one guy's mustache.  I mean, seriously...I've never seen one quite like it!  And because of all of the violations that were captured by Video's camera, the unions have put a stop to all filming!  Eric is notably upset, but the rest of the Misfits don't seem to really care.  Pizzazz was getting tired of the work anyway, and boasts that they have enough footage anyway.  Oh, I just love it when you can sense disaster right away!



Not even Harvey Gabor seems to take pride in his daughter's moves.  Furious by the fact that the film's budget has ballooned and appalled by the way that the staff members were treated by them, Harvey Gabor sells the studio out from Pizzazz's control and makes Howard Sands the new studio head.  Cue the temper tantrums from the Misfits!



Ba Nee's operation is up next, and we learn just how serious the situation is.  There's the possibility that Ba Nee's surgery won't work - which is bad enough - but Jerrica was forced to put up Starlight Mansion as collateral for the surgery!  If they don't get the money raised by a specific time, Jerrica could lose Starlight Mansion, which means that the Starlight Girls will be homeless.  Again.

And now, here we are.  The premieres of both "Starbright" and "The Misfits Make It Big"!  Although Shana is concerned at the large line outside of the Misfits movie, Kimber is more optimistic. 



The Misfits arrive in a limo for their premiere, and their fans want them to give them autographs.  Stormer at least attempts to try and get back, but Pizzazz and Roxy act like diva snobs. 

It appears as though the running time for the Misfits movie is slightly shorter than Starbright, and the fans that are still in line for the second showing of the film are eager to know what it was like.

To nobody's surprise, the moviegoers hated the Misfits film.  They said it was awful, it stunk, there was no Jem.  Part of me really wanted Hasbro to release versions of both films so that we could have a say in which film was better.   And, also I want to see just how much of a trainwreck the Misfits movie was!

Meanwhile, the people who saw Starbright loved the movie.  They really loved it!  They love it so much, they want to see it again!  And so do the people across the street at the Misfits movie!



To the shock of Pizzazz, Roxy, and Stormer, everyone runs over to the Starbright movie, and Jem and the others celebrate happily!  At this rate, I'd say that the girls should easily have the quarter of a million dollars to pay for Ba Nee's surgery.



See?  What did I tell you?



And, this episode ends with Jerrica treating Ba Nee to a special screening of Starbright at Starlight Mansion - a movie that Ba Nee remarks is the best thing she's ever seen.  I'm guessing this takes place weeks after Ba Nee's surgery.  At least, I assume, anyway.

So, what have we learned?  You can have a big box office movie without spending a bundle.  People will stand by you if you treat them with respect.  And, never use papier mache to make a log.  Seriously, this three-parter is absolutely well done, and I can see why so many fans list these episodes as their favourites.


Next week, the girls take part in a World Hunger Shindig.  And the Misfits want to satisfy their hunger by honing in on the action.  Maybe they just need a Snickers bar...