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Tuesday, September 20, 2016

September 20, 2005

Before I kick off the Tuesday Timeline for today, I want to wish my nephew Josh a very happy 16th birthday!  I wish I could have found something awesome that happened in 2000, but September 20 was sort of a slow day that year (aside from one interesting tidbit).  But let's have a look at what happened on that day before we get to the main feature!

1187 - Saladin begins the Siege of Jerusalem

1697 - The Nine Years' War is officially ended with the signing of the Treaty of Ryswick

1835 - The Ragamuffin War begins

1848 - The American Association for the Advancement of Science is created

1863 - The Battle of Chikamauga ends during the American Civil War

1881 - Following the death of President James Garfield, Chester A. Arthur is sworn in to become the new President of the United States

1893 - Charles Duryea and his brother take the first American-made gas powered automobile out for a test run

1920 - Animator/producer Jay Ward (d. 1989) is born in San Francisco, California

1924 - Singer Gogi Grant (d. 2016) is born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1929 - Actress Anne Meara (d. 2015) is born in Brooklyn, New York

1946 - The Cannes Film Festival debuts

1948 - Styx member John Panozzo (d. 1996) is born in Chicago, Illinois

1969 - The Archies single "Sugar Sugar" reaches #1 on the Billboard charts

1971 - Hurricane Olivia (previously named Hurricane Irene) becomes the first hurricane to cross from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean

1973 - In the Battle of the Sexes tennis match held at the Houston Astrodome, Billie Jean King wins over Bobby Riggs; that same day, singer Jim Croce is killed in a plane crash at just 30 years of age

1982 - Players of the National Football League go on strike; the strike lasts for 57 days

1984 - 22 people lose their lives after a suicide bomber detonates himself outside of the American embassy in Beirut, Lebanon

2000 - The UK's MI6 Secret Intelligence Service building is attacked using a Russian built RPG-22 anti-tank missile

2008 - A dump truck that is filled with explosives detonates outside of a hotel in Islamabad, Pakistan - 54 die, 266 injured

2011 - The United States military ceases its "Don't ask, don't tell" policy

2014 - Actress/singer Polly Bergen dies at the age of 84

And for celebrity birthdays, we have the following famous faces blowing out one extra candle on their cakes; Sophia Loren, Jeremy Child, Laurie Spiegel, Pete Coors, Jude Deveraux, Chuck Panozzo, Anthony Denison, Joanna Cameron, Guy Lafleur, Betsy Brantley, Peter Scolari, Gary Cole, Alannah Currie, Michael Hurst, Deborah Roberts, Randy Bradbury, Kristen Johnston, Gunnar and Matthew Nelson, Leah Pinsent, Ben Shepherd, Michelle Visage, Tim Rogers, Asia Argento, The-Dream, Joanie Dodds, Brian Joubert, and Phillip Phillips.

Okay, so what date are we going back in time to this week?



Let's try eleven years ago today to September 20, 2005.

Now, in order to begin this tale off right, I thought I'd go ahead and look even further back in time.  Right around the time that this single was first released...



ARTIST:  INXS
SONG:  Need You Tonight
ALBUM:  Kick
DATE RELEASED:  September 23, 1987
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #1 for 1 week

Although the band formed in Australia in the year 1977, this song was the one that helped make INXS a household name all over the world.  And to this day, it has been a staple in bars, clubs, and radio stations - likely helped by the fact that the song was featured in the 2000 film "Coyote Ugly". 



INXS was made up of Michael Hutchence, Garry Gary Beers, Kirk Pengilly, and Andrew, Jon, and Tim Farriss, and over the twenty years that the original INXS lineup were together, they released ten albums, had dozens of singles charting in North America, Europe, and their native Australia, and sold millions of albums.  And everyone certainly has their favourite INXS songs.



(I'm partial to "Suicide Blonde" and "Elegantly Wasted" myself.)



Tragically, in November 1997, Michael Hutchence was found dead in a Sydney hotel room.  He was just 37 years of age at the time.  And for nearly a year after his death, the surviving members of INXS refused to perform any concerts.

Beginning in late 1998/early 1999, the band did try touring once more with rotating lead singers taking over (one being Terence Trent D'Arby of "Wishing Well" fame).  In 2002, it appeared as though a new lead singer was found in Jon Stevens, who had played with the band off and on since 1999.  But before the group could get together to record a new album, Stevens departed the group, and once more, INXS was left without a lead singer.

Which prompted the lads of INXS to try something quite daring.  Considering the them success of reality television show "American Idol", the surviving members of the band thought it to be a great way to find a new lead singer.  At the time, it had been eight years since Hutchence had passed on, and the band figured that it was time to bust back onto the music scene.



With assistance from reality show producer Mark Burnett (he's the guy that brought us "Survivor" and "The Apprentice"), the television show "Rock Star: INXS" was born, and it debuted on CBS during the summer of 2005.

Fifteen musicians were brought in from all over the world to compete for the chance to become the new lead singer of INXS.  Dave Navarro and Brooke Burke hosted the program and the five surviving members of INXS served as the judges and were responsible for eliminating contestants each week.  The viewers at home could help out by voting for their favourite performers and the bottom three each week would sing for the chance to remain in the competition, but ultimately it was the band's final decision.

I remember watching the whole series from beginning to end (it aired the same night that "Big Brother 6" did, so I watched it sort of by habit), and the one thing that I will say is that the band had a really tough choice to make.  All fifteen competitors were brilliant performers and any one of them could have won.  As for who I was rooting for, I admit that Jordis Unga and Suzie McNeil were high on my like list (and in the case of McNeil, she's done quite well with a solo career up here in Canada, even singing the theme song for the 2010 Winter Olympics which were held in Vancouver).

By the end of the competition - which was aired on September 20, 2005 (I told you I would eventually get to this date) - only three contestants remained.  There was MiG Ayasa, a 35-year-old Philippines born Australian performer, Marty Casey, a 32-year-old real estate appraiser from Chicago, Illinois, and J.D. Fortune, a 32-year-old Canadian whose claim to fame was that he once lived in his car.  But all three performers were very talented and it had to be one of the toughest decisions that the members of INXS had to make.



When the contest was at a close, the band decided that J.D. Fortune would take over as the lead singer of INXS, and from that moment forward, J.D. Fortune became the newest member of the band.

So, what made Fortune stand out among all the rest?  Well, he certainly had the drive to make it far in the competition and wasn't above trying new styles of music to get himself further in the show.  He also had his eye on the prize from day one, and while some of the other contestants clashed with him based on this, Fortune refused to let it trip him up, and he continued to stay week after week.

But perhaps the one moment where we knew he was going to be a contender was during the week in which eight contestants remained.  Andrew Farriss had given the contestants a challenge where they would divide into two groups of four and compose their own songs as a group.  For some reason, Fortune had opted to compose his own lyrics without the aid of his group.  It was a risky move on Fortune's part, not only because he caused hard feelings between himself and his teammates, but that move almost got him eliminated from the show as the members of INXS worried about whether or not Fortune could be a team player.

At least, he was on the chopping block until he had the chance to perform the very song he wrote.  And that song became so popular on the show that it became no surprise that when Fortune became the lead singer of INXS that this song would be the first new single that INXS had released in eight years!



ARTIST:  INXS
SONG:  Pretty Vegas
ALBUM:  Switch
DATE RELEASED:  November 29, 2005
PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #37

Okay, mind you #37 isn't the best position to have your song peak at - but it did become a #1 hit in Canada and peaked within the Top 10 in Australia, solidifying the fact that INXS was indeed back and ready to tear up the charts once more.

Well, at least they did for a few years anyway.

Whether it was from the stress of touring or adjusting to a brand new lifestyle, it's really not known.  What is known is that four years after joining INXS, J.D. Fortune had been battling an addiction to cocaine and he claimed that the band had kicked him out because of it - allegations that the band's manager would deny.  And although Fortune toured with INXS in shows all around the world over the next two years, he reportedly found out in August 2011 that he had been kicked out of the band from the band's website, and by September 2011, J.D. Fortune had been replaced by Ciaran Gribbin who toured with the band until late 2012 when the band called it a day and played their last concert.  As of this writing, J.D. Fortune has tried to make a go on it with a solo career, but so far nothing has been set in stone, and as of August of this year, he's reportedly moved back to Canada.

But eleven years ago, J.D. Fortune could look back and realize that he was the frontman for INXS.  At least he can always admit to that, even though the road to success took a severe detour.

Monday, September 19, 2016

Monday of Munsch - Mud Puddle

How many of you had parents that were insistent that you didn't get dirty?  Raise your hands right now.

Yes, I have to admit, I was one of those kids who had parents (well, okay, a mother) who absolutely freaked out if I got any good clothes dirty.  I didn't understand why there was such an outcry when I was a kid.  My eight-year-old brain told me that you put clothes inside of a washing machine with some Sunlight (my family's then preferred laundry soap), and the clothes would instantly become clean.  It's not until I became an adult that laundry became much more complex, and I sort of understood why Mom was the way she was when it came to clothes.

Though you try telling a natural slob to stay out of the dirt and mud!

I'll be the first to confess, I was a sloppy kid.  Hell, I'm a sloppy adult.  To be honest with you, I don't consider it a bad thing to be that way.  I have a hard time trying to function in a room that is perfectly clean with everything being in perfect order.  If I am ever in a room that pristine, it would take everything in me not to disorganize it.  I wonder if that could be considered reverse OCD.  I don't really know for sure as I have no psychological training in the subject, but I don't see a little mess as being a bad thing.

I mean, it's not like I've ever appeared on "Hoarders" or anything.  I'm not THAT bad!

But still, the very idea of children getting dirty is an irrational fear that a lot of parents have...and I'll explain why I think it's irrational in a little while. 

But first, I'll explain why I brought up dirt in the first part of this blog.  This month, I've been doing Munsch Mondays in celebration of one of my favourite children's authors, Robert Munsch, and today's featured story is a very special one.

The reason it's so special?  It was the first book that Munsch had published.  The first editions of this book came out all the way back in 1979 - that was before I was even born!  And yet it's delighted at least three generations of fans ever since.



Yes, it's time to talk about the book "Mud Puddle".

I don't think there's been any child that hasn't had the urge to go puddle splashing after a sudden rainstorm.  There's always such a thrill that one gets when they slip on their raincoats and galoshes and splish splash away.  And, I have to admit, when it comes down to mud puddles, the temptation is even harder to resist.

But what happens when the situation is reversed and instead of you seeking out the mud puddle, the mud puddle tries to catch you?

Well, for the protagonist of our story - Jule Ann - it is a very real struggle for her.  And it's one that has her spending a lot of time in the bathtub.

You see, any time Jule Ann decided to wear a brand new outfit, her mother always told her not to go near any mud puddles.  Unfortunately, a gigantic mud puddle would always ambush her - usually hiding up in the middle of a tall tree.  I know what you're thinking.  It's absolutely impossible for mud puddles to have a mind of their own, let alone being able to surprise unsuspecting little girls wearing their best dresses.  But then again, Robert Munsch always was a man who had the most creative imagination.

No matter what Jule Ann tried to do, the mud puddle would always be one step ahead of her.  And no matter how badly she tried to escape, the mud puddle made sure that the only fun Jule Ann would have would be in the bathtub, scrubbing all of the dirt off of herself.

I wonder if she was related to the girl from Purple, Green, and Yellow?

It actually takes a little bit of ingenuity for Jule Ann to finally get one over on the mud puddle...and I'm sure most of you reading this know exactly how she does it.  And let's just say that the way she does it makes sure she gets a "clean" getaway.  But I can't say much more than that.  After all, there are still a lot of people out there that haven't heard this story yet, and who am I to spoil it?

But remember how I said that a little dirt was a good thing?  I still maintain that to be true.

In a world where anti-bacterial soap seems to have almost become as daily of a ritual as coffee consumption, I actually think that there is such a thing as being too clean.  Scientific studies have actually shown that kids who are more exposed to dirt develop stronger immune systems than those who are essentially trapped in a prison built by Mr. Clean.  Now while this is no excuse to turn your palace into Oscar the Grouch's trash can, it is an argument for letting your kids play in the mud once in a while.

I mean, really...how bad can it be?

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Jem Reviewed: Season 1 Recap



Season one of Jem Reviewed is now completed!  And, that means that it's time for me to do my recap of the whole season!  In this special look back, I'll do a character analysis of each of the main characters, I'll post my list of favourite songs by both Jem and the Holograms and the Misfits, and I'll tell you my favourite episodes and least favourite episodes.

But before we do that, I want to give you all a chance to read all 26 reviews of season one, just in case you missed one, or two, or all twenty-six.  Click on the links, and it will take you to the specific Jem Reviewed entry.




All right...so season one was basically an introductory season.  We got to meet both Jem and the Holograms, as well as the Misfits, and for the most part, I liked how each band was introduced.  Though, I have to say that the idea of the Holograms being good and pure while the Misfits were evil and tarnished was a bit much - especially since there were times when the white aura of the Holograms was dirtied up a bit.  Yeah, I'll say it.  There were times in which Jem and the Holograms acted more holier-than-thou than they really had reason to be, and I feel as though that they acted no better than the Misfits in a few instances.  But at the same time, the Misfits probably shouldn't have tried to kill Jem at various points in the show either - intentional or not.



Starting with the Holograms, I've made it no secret that Aja has been my favourite of season one.  I absolutely like how she seems to be the only one of the group with brains and common sense, and she always thinks things through before acting on impulse.  Aja's only flaw is that sometimes she is so determined to do the right thing that she can come across as being cold as ice - but deep down, you know Aja cares about her foster sisters and the other Starlight Girls.  And she's very much passionate about never forgetting where she came from.  The episode "Adventure in China" best shows this - and while it's an episode I'm not a fan of, it's not because of Aja.



I actually sort of like Shana in the first season as well, though like Aja, she's completely underused.  I do think the angle of making her the band's fashion designer is a good one - otherwise I fear that she'd have nothing to do.  Her best episode was probably "In Stitches", as you can tell how passionate she is about fashion - and how angry she can get when thrown in the Venice canals.  Shana's main flaw - aside from being invisible - is the fact that she isn't quite as grounded as Aja, and therefore finds herself in more dangerous situations.  But really, Shana's a good character this season - I like her better than the next one on the list.



Jem/Jerrica annoys me.  And, I shouldn't say that about the main character of the series, but she is easily the most confused person on this whole show.  And, I'm not talking about the swapping back and forth between Jem and Jerrica either.  I'm talking about the fact that she seems to hold a double standard when it comes to who she deals with.  She was against the Misfits cheating on that skiing race in "Last Resorts", but then she does some cheating herself in "Glitter and Gold".  And it's absolutely impossible for me to believe that in just one year, she's released albums, a motion picture, a rock fashion book, a Broadway musical, and won the Indianapolis 500.  And don't even get me started on her relationship with Rio either - a truly outrageous display of co-dependence, deception, and enablement if ever I saw one.  It's more dysfunctional than romantic, and it's honestly very cringeworthy.  But as much as Jem annoys me, there's someone else who I find even less tolerable.



Good lord, where do I even begin with Kimber?  If it weren't for the fact that there were so many single men in this series, Kimber would practice a life of celibacy.  Let's see how many people she's dated...there's Jeff Wright, there's Sean Harrison, there was that Swedish ski instructor she developed a crush on, not to mention the man she met in Hawaii, and her infatuation with Nick Mann, and Max Conley.  Let's face it, Kimber'll hit on any man with a pulse.  It's a wonder she hasn't tried to go out with Eric Raymond or tried to steal Rio away from Jem!  Okay, so Kimber's not completely irredeemable - she did save Bobby Bailey's house from being knocked down and she is a great musician.  But this show loves painting Kimber as the damsel in distress where she's nearly blown up on a movie set, kidnapped by royal guards, and thrown into an active volcano, and I hope that in season two, we see a stronger Kimber.  One that's not a floozy or says OUTRAGEOUS every other episode.



On the flipside is the Misfits, and I must say that there must be something about the colour blue because Stormer is my favourite Misfit as Aja is my favourite Hologram.  She may be Misfit in name, but deep down inside is a Hologram waiting to come out.  She's adorable, delightful, really cares about people, and tried to save Ashley when she defected to the Misfits in the first major plot of the series.  Mind you, Stormer isn't perfect.  It's hard to deny that she loves to make mischief like her bandmates and can come across as not the best role model in the world - but it also makes her one of the most intriguing and well-rounded characters in the whole series.  I hear that she grows even more during season two, and I am looking forward to it.



Surprisingly, Pizzazz is the Misfit that I like second best - and she would likely kill me if she were real and heard me say that about her.  I think what prevents her from being ranked higher than Stormer is the fact that she gets off on making others feel bad about themselves, and I don't really care for bullies that much.  At least when it comes to how she treats the Starlight Girls, for instance, or how she uses people to do what she wants, like in the Starbright three-parter.  When she uses that attitude on people like Eric Raymond who basically ask for it, then I cheer her on.  Pizzazz was in danger of being a total one-note character which almost made me rank her below Roxy - but her one saving grace was at the end of "The Music Awards" when she shattered her award after seeing the end of the benefit concert that Jem put on.  It definitely affected her more than we were meant to be let in on, and I think that in season 2, I'm just guessing we'll find out more about why she is the way she is.



I could also say the same about Roxy as well.  Something or someone must have hurt her in the past and she's deciding to lash out at the world because of it.  But whereas Stormer has a clear understanding between right and wrong, and Pizzazz has her moments, Roxy is at the point where she might just be a sociopath.  She doesn't show any emotion other than anger, she was the one who nearly blew Kimber up on the Starlight set, and she totally trashed Howard Sands' property by letting a bulldozer run loose (nearly killing Jerrica in the process).  That's why Roxy is my least favourite Misfit - at least for season one anyway.  But don't worry...I hate Eric even more than Roxy.



There's not much I can say about the male characters of Jem...Rio is wishy-washy and immature, Eric is a slimeball who needs to be hosed down, Zipper was dangerous and insane, and Techrat clearly has issues with society.  Really, the only sane male character on the show was Anthony Julien, and he only appears on like four episodes of the show. 



As for female supporting characters, I think Danse and Lindsey are the best of the lot.  Although Lindsey does show the Holograms preferential treatment, she's not above giving people second chances, or third, or fourth...how many times have the Misfits been kicked off her show?  And Danse is 100% class as far as I'm concerned.  She's like the polar opposite of Clash!  And, Video bores me to tears.  I hope she's not like this in Season 2.

So, what songs/videos did I love in Season 1 of Jem?  I have my list of Top 5 songs by both Jem and the Holograms and the Misfits!  Have a look, and see if you agree!

TOP 5 JEM SONGS OF SEASON 1 (PLUS ONE I HATE)



1.  When It's Only Me and the Music (Episode 13) - Maybe it has to do with Danse being the star of the video, but this song is absolutely beautiful and singer Britta Phillips certainly knows how to sing a ballad.  The video storyboarding is brilliant as well, and I can easily see this being a hit had this been a real video.



2.  I Got My Eye On You (Episode 3) - Jem's music didn't start getting interesting until episode three when this sexy and sultry single aired at the end.  And yes, while this song does feature Jem and Rio, I do love this song a lot, and think that they made the right choice singing it on their talk show debut.



3.  Can't Get My Love Together (Episode 16) - While I have to say that Episode 16 is one of my least favourite episodes of the series (which you'll find out why later on), this ballad which sends chills down my spine was a rare high point in that whole show.  I hate the fact that all the Jem songs I like have Rio in them though.



4.  Music is Magic (Episode 5) - Looking back on it, the video for this song isn't the greatest, but what saves it is Britta Phillips' incredible high note at the end.  Plus, the song's message is fantastic about how music makes everything better.  I completely agree with that sentiment.  Great song all around.



5.  Glitter and Gold (Episode 26) - Okay, so I have major issues with the ending of this episode, but the song "Glitter and Gold" certainly ushers out season one with a bang.  It's catchy, it's got a great hook, great imagery, and it's a solid hit.



But as mentioned, not all Jem songs I like.  In fact, "Deception" used in Episode 4 is a complete joke.  The arrangement is terrible, the lyrics are cheesy, and it essentially is a song chock filled with irony.  Sure, Jem hates putting on the deception with Rio, but does she do anything to stop it?  Nope.  She actually ENCOURAGES it!

As for Misfits songs I enjoyed?  Here's my TOP 5 MISFIT SONGS (PLUS ONE I HATE).



1.  Designing Woman (Episode 12) - "In Stitches" had a really decent setlist for music, but "Designing Woman" is easily the Misfits cream of the crop.  Aside from the sick beat and wonderful imagery, the song is actually a positive message one about not letting life pass you by and taking charge of your own destiny.  I absolutely love this one, and Ellen Bernfeld definitely takes charge with the vocals here!



2.  Makin' Mischief (Episode 2) - Right off the bat, I totally believed the theme song where the Misfits declared that their music was better.  For the most part, their rock songs ARE!  This was one of their first songs, and it's also quite a catchy number.  Okay, so the Misfits are at their complete worst in this one...but it's still entertaining.



3.  You Oughta See The View From Here (Episode 14) - When I first saw this video, I thought it would make a brilliant concept for a real life music video, and I still hold that claim.  The song itself is typical Misfits fare, but it's exciting, fresh, and definitely like nothing ever heard before.  It's very eighties, but very fresh at the same time.



4. Universal Appeal (Episode 6) - Pizzazz as the center of the universe.  Would we expect anything less?  In all seriousness, the song is fantastic and the visuals are quite good for a cartoon.  Definitely a song in my Top 5 for sure.



5.  It Takes A Lot To Survive (Episode 20) - I don't like a lot of the music from the last half of the season, but this song from "Island of Deception" has a great storyline and an awesome storyboard for the video.  And, having Jem almost get eaten by a crocodile was a nice touch.



There's actually not a lot of Misfits music I dislike, but one song I don't care for comes from Episode 18 - "We're The Misfits In Hawaii".  It's a total throwaway song that would likely get the Misfits banned from Hawaii for the next thirty years.  The animation sucks as well.

Finally, I'll close this post off by listing my five best and five worst episodes of Jem: Season 1, as well as a brief summary as to why.  Remember, you can access every single episode review up above.

FIVE EPISODES I LIKED



1. Episode 8 - Starbright: Rising Star - The whole arc was really very well done, but I single out the last part because we all learn a valuable lesson in how we treat other people.



2. Episode 14 - The Music Awards - Part 2 - Much like Starbright, this two-parter was also well done, but since I can only choose one episode, I choose the second part where we see a happy ending for most.



3. Episode 15 - The Rock Fashion Book - I didn't think a show about fashion would garner my interest, but I have very little nitpicking to do about this one.  It's almost perfection from start to finish.



4.  Episode 20 - Island of Deception - Okay, so there are some instances in which I cry foul, but overall I like the survival angle, and it showed that the Misfits and the Holograms really COULD get along...for a bit.



5. Episode 21 - Old Meets New - Saving the best for last, I absolutely love this one because it's heartwarming, semi-historical, and makes Kimber not look crazy!

FIVE EPISODES I HATED



1. Episode 10 - Adventure in China - Somehow losing a pair of earrings seems like a really stupid plot line - especially since Jerrica had several options to fix the problem.



2. Episode 16 - Broadway Magic - Bad plot, check.  Jerrica acting like a delusional jerk, check.  Countless spelling errors, check.



3. Episode 17 - In Search of the Stolen Album - Good idea, bad execution.  And it made Jem and the Holograms look like stupid mean girls.



4. Episode 19 - The Princess and the Singer - Another dumb doppelganger storyline made worse by the fact that Kimber was the subject.



5. Episode 22 - Intrigue at the Indy 500 - The only intrigue is how Jem could even get clearance to even drive the race car, let alone win.

So, that's a wrap on Season One!  Season Two begins Friday...only 39 more episodes to go...

Friday, September 16, 2016

Jem Reviewed: Episode 26 - Glitter and Gold



Well, here we are.  The final episode of season one of Jem Reviewed!  And after stopping a jewel smuggling ring last episode, it's time for the Holograms to relax a bit.  But for how long?  We'll find out in Episode 26 - Glitter and Gold.



And as we begin this episode, everybody seems to be at the mall!  Jerrica and Kimber Benton are there, Rio is there, Anthony Julien is there, and a new group that just signed a contract with Starlight Music is there called the 5th Avenue Boys.  Really, they look like what would happen if Bryan Adams, Rick Astley, and that red haired guy from the Thompson Twins formed a group, but they appear to be the hottest new act at the record company.  Which is good considering that according to this episode, Jem hasn't released any new music in what seems like seventeen years or so.



Kimber is holding up a magazine that has all of the chart listings for that week, and it looks like the Misfits have the #1 song of the week, which Jerrica just shrugs her shoulder and says that she doesn't care.  Sounds like someone needs a coffee!  But Kimber does care, and she mentions the fact that the Glitter and Gold Contest is coming up and they need to start making music again, but Jerrica bitterly tells Kimber that she doesn't want to talk about Jem.  Whoa!  Where is this coming from?



Thankfully, Rio interrups the fight between the Benton siblings and introduces Kimber to his photographer friend, Max Conley.  Because as we know, Kimber will hit on anything that has a pulse and washboard abs.  But luckily, Max seems to find Kimber attractive and charming, and Kimber finds him gorgeous and exciting, and before you know it, they've made a date for this coming Saturday at 6:00.  Wow, that might be a new record for Kimber.  She at least waited five minutes before going out with that guy from Hawaii.



Rio then picks up the same magazine that Kimber was looking at and mentions to Jerrica that there's an article about Jem.  Jerrica reads the article which basically insinuates that Jem has disappeared from the music scene and they speculate what happened and whether she had the musical chops to sustain a long-lasting career.  Jerrica gets even angrier at Rio, throws the magazine in the garbage can, and basically says something along the lines of "DIE, JEM, DIE!".  I'm thinking Jerrica should avoid the coffee made with the bitter roast.  But why is Jerrica so anti-Jem all of a sudden?



Well, we won't find out just yet as Kimber is accosted by a man on a motorcycle!  Why, look!  It's Kimber's old flame from the Starbright Movie, Jeff Wright...and he's a brunette now.  I'm guessing he must be Tom Cruise's stunt double now.  The funny thing is that Kimber goes on a ride with him even though she just made a date with Max two minutes ago.  See, Kimber...this is why people think you're easy.

Across town at a record store (remember when those existed) called Diskovery Records, the Misfits arrive to great fanfare.  After all, their song is #1 on Casey Kasem's American Top 40.  But they aren't here to sign autographs.  They're here to take part in the Glitter and Gold Contest.  And luckily, we have the CEO/owner of the Diskovery Records chain, Owen Beach with us to explain the contest rules.



The Glitter and Gold contest pits two high-profile groups against each other in a race to see which group can sell 500,000 copies of their latest album all across the United States.  



Each Diskovery Records store will be keeping track of the sales of each record, and the first group to reach that magic number will win the grand prize which includes a trophy and a brand new car!



The Misfits have already tossed their name into the hat, but in order to have a contest, they need another group to compete against.  One of the press members suggests that they battle Jem and the Holograms which prompts a response by Stormer of "Jem, who?".  Wow, that's kind of catty, even for a cream puff like Stormer.  Then again, she does hang around Pizzazz and Roxy a lot.  Besides, Pizzazz responds to the question by tooting the Misfits own horn by singing the song that I'm assuming is their chart-topper.



I have to say, "How Does It Feel" is certainly a song that celebrates popularity, winning, star power...basically it's a Pizzazz anthem if ever there was one.

And while the Misfits are celebrating their success at the record store, Jeff drops Kimber off at Starlight Mansion where Kimber tells Jeff that she'll see him Saturday at 6:00.  Hmm...where have I heard that before?



Jerrica is having a conversation with Synergy about what has been happening, and it seems as though we know what is bugging her.  With Jem becoming so popular and everyone wanting to know all about her, Jerrica thinks she might be starting to get jealous of her alter ego.  And even though Synergy has warned her about telling people from the outside about her existence (even though two people from Morvania already know), Jerrica contemplates finally telling Rio the truth.  She asks Synergy to project a hologram of Rio, inserting as much of Rio's personality into it as possible so that she can find out how he'll react.  I'm questioning how Synergy could even know so much about someone she hasn't met yet, but nevertheless, Synergy does what Jerrica asks.



Jerrica then tells the Rio hologram that she is really Jem and transforms into her Jem persona quicker than you can say "Showtime, Synergy!".  And just like that, Hologram Rio burns with anger faster than you can say "I hate liars, and I hate deception and I never want to see you again." 

Seriously.  That's what Hologram Rio says.  And Jerrica is so frightened that she tells Synergy to remove the hologram.  Synergy tells Jerrica that this was merely a test, but Jerrica believes that Rio wouldn't react like that and vows to tell him once and for all.  Why do I get the feeling that Rio's going to come by, say...Saturday at 6:00?



It must be, as Jeff arrives first to pick Kimber up.  Kimber isn't quite ready yet, so she asks Jeff to wait in a side room.  A few seconds later, Rio arrives and is greeted warmly by Jerrica, though you know that her knees are knocking a mile a minute.



A few seconds after that, Max Conley arrives, and Aja shows him into the same room that Jeff is waiting in.  Uh-oh.  Aja then informs Kimber that Max is waiting for him, which Kimber responds that Jeff is waiting, not Max, to which Aja replies, Max is here you stupid bitch.  Okay, not even Aja is that cold to say that, but Kimber's having her own Uh-oh moment.  What is it with red-haired cartoon characters making two different dates at the same time?  Is Kimber related to Archie Andrews or something?



As predicted, Max and Jeff get into a physical altercation - which amusingly is ignored by Jerrica and Rio outside as Jerrica is figuring out how to tell Rio that she's really Jem. 

Kimber and Aja run into the room to try and explain things, but they arrive too late and Kimber screams in horror as Jeff and Max sail through the window of the room while wrestling each other for the love of Kimber.  For the love of Kimber, can we just end this part of the story? 



Unsurprisingly, Jeff and Max crash through the wall of the patio where Rio and Jerrica are seated, and with help from Rio break the two men apart.  But as far as Max and Jeff are concerned, Kimber is a two-bit...well, you know, and leave our flame haired vixen with a double broken heart.



To make matters worse, Rio goes off on a tirade towards Kimber and spouts off the very same speech about liars and deception that Synergy projected with the Rio hologram.  Damn, maybe Synergy really is that good at reading people!  Rio is so angry with Kimber that Kimber runs away bawling, Aja runs away to comfort Kimber, and Jerrica runs towards Rio and calls him a jerk for how he treated Kimber!  As much as I poke fun at Kimber, she really didn't deserve Rio's outburst.



And because of Rio's outburst, Jerrica decides that now is not the best time to tell him that she's really Jem, which causes Rio to get even angrier.  I believe he leaves Starlight Mansion by kicking a potted plant onto the ground which shows his "maturity", leaving Jerrica in tears and the viewer wondering how Jerrica can even tolerate Rio being her apparent "one and only".  Rio's a complete ass in this episode, and honestly as much fun as I poke at Jem/Jerrica, she deserves much better than him.



But the fight with Rio seems to have sparked a fire within Jerrica's belly.  Well, that, plus she overhears Eric telling the people at Diskovery Records that he thinks Jerrica destroyed Jem's career.  Because of that outburst, Jem and the Holograms declare that they will be entering the contest and that they will have a new album ready before the contest begins the next day.  Um, Jerrica, you do realize that you have 24 hours to put together a record of at least eight songs which will be next to impossible given that your sound engineer boyfriend is too busy kicking topiaries from here to La Cienega Boulevard?  



Oh, wait...it's Jerrica that Rio's mad at, not Jem.  Sigh...just when I begin to feel sorry for Jerrica, she enables the situation by sweet-talking Rio as Jem.  You know, maybe they really DO deserve each other.  But we have no time to examine the unhealthy relationship between Jerrica Benton and Rio Pacheco.  The band needs eight songs, a new image, and a whole new look!  And what better look than the one that the contest is named after?



Okay, I have to say this...the song "Glitter and Gold" is an absolute masterpiece - despite the lame dancing from Jem and Rio - and really sets the tone for the end of season one and the beginning of season two.  And in this edition of Jem Trivia, you might notice that people's appearances start changing a bit, such as Jem's eye makeup going from pink to gold to purple.  That was to make the characters look more like the Glitter and Gold doll line released in 1987.  There's one more character that appears at the end of the episode who was also changed to match their doll counterpart, but I'll wait until she appears before I say who it is.



While the band is in the recording studio, we get the first (of many) instances of cheating within the contest.  Eric Raymond arrives at a seedy nightclub called "Flipside" where he's bribing a nasty looking group called "The Skulls" with money and a recording contract with Misfits Music if they'll sabotage the Jem album.  Oh, Eric...how I DIDN'T miss your smarmy face.



Somehow, Jem and the Holograms have recorded an album, made 500,000 copies of the album for distribution, and Jerrica is loading the last of the boxes into a van.  Rio offers to help Jerrica, but Jerrica bitterly snaps at him, still sore over the plant kicking incident.  I told her to avoid the bitter roast!



Turns out that Rio might have had a reason to be concerned after all.  The Skulls nearly sideswipe Jerrica's van and hold her hostage as one of them takes a baseball bat to the boxes of albums, smashing them to smithereens.  All Jerrica can do is watch in horror as all of her hard work fades away.  Well, that plus she could possibly die.



That is until Rio comes along, grabs one of the baseball bats away from one of the Skulls, and somehow they run away like cowards.  It must be the really ugly sweater Rio is wearing.  That's the only answer I'll accept.  But whatever, Jerrica's like "my hero", and Rio's like "I won't kick any living thing ever again", and they make out.  You know what?  Let's just skip ahead to the contest.



In one corner with the pink album sleeve, we have the album "Glitter and Gold" by Jem and the Holograms, which includes the title track, "I'm Coming From Behind", "Set Your Sails", and "I Believe in Happy Endings".  I guess Jerrica must have stayed up all night pressing another half million copies of the album.  At least you can say she's dedicated.



In the other corner with the purple album sleeve, we have the Misfits album which contains the songs "How Does It Feel", "Ahead of the Game", "Take A Hike, Jack", and "We're The Misfits In Hawaii".  Well, they can't all be winners.



Owen is pleased that the record counting system in place at all his stores is working and he talks about the "revolutionary new computer labels" on each record.  Um, Owen...barcodes aren't a new invention.  Comic books had them on their covers ten years BEFORE this episode aired!



The numbers don't lie though.  The Misfits after one day have sold twice as many albums as Jem and the Holograms.  Jem isn't worried though.  She has a trump card named Lindsey Pearce - and that trump card will be playing the "Glitter and Gold" music video every hour on the hour!



The move actually works, and Jem takes the lead just a couple of days later.  And this leads to another Jem/Misfits mash-up.



It's interesting to note the change of tone between the Holograms' "We're Up", versus the Misfits' "You're Down".  One is light and fluffy, and the other is mean and spiteful.  It's quite well done the way they arrange this song.  I kind of like it.  Are you liking this contest of good sportsmanship and playing fair?  You are?  Good.  It ends now.



Eric decides to use cash to influence the voting results.  He sets up people outside every Diskovery store in the country and bribes them with money to buy up all the Misfits records to increase their totals.  He even convinces a woman of about eighty years old to buy a Misfits record!  Which of course completely backfires on him as the woman buys a Jem record instead, using the argument that the Misfits don't look like nice girls.  I suppose they had her say this because they can't use the word whore in a kids cartoon.  Whatever the case, this does nothing to change the rate of sale of records.



Now, some would argue that Jerrica bringing the Starlight Girls in to buy a record each to add twelve more sales to the Glitter and Gold tally would classify as cheating.  I don't see it as such, as Ashley and Deirdre at least seem to be doing this of their own free will.  I bet they got the money to pay for those records with the Honor Jar!




By Day #10 of the competition, there's a tie.  Each group has sold 499,999 records each, and the next record sold will determine the winner.



It's here that Rio - who...you know what, I can't even describe what he's wearing because I don't even know what it is myself.  I lived through 1987, okay...clothes were never THAT ugly - at least not any I remember.  But Rio decides to purchase a copy of the Glitter and Gold record to inch Jem's total to 500,000. 



But wait!  Pizzazz declares shenanigans, outing Rio as an employee of Starlight Music, which voids his purchase, setting the score back to 499,999.  Pizzazz was absolutely right in this case for once.  No double standards for Jem's staff!  Besides, Pizzazz is probably upset that she didn't think of it first.  Another customer comes up to the register, and the Misfits total reaches 500,000!  Outrageous!  The Misfits win?!?  How can that be?  It's predetermined that Jem must have a happy ending in every show!  She sings a song about happy endings, for crying out loud!



Speaking of crying out loud, Aja screeches that they should look at the board again.  Jem's now at 500,000 too.  The customer apparently bought one of each album because she likes both bands, and Owen extends the contest by one more purchase...to which I call shenanigans!  The Misfits album was scanned first...ergo, THE MISFITS SHOULD WIN!  But instead we have to let the Holograms have a fighting chance because plot.

 The last customer of the day approaches the record displays, but Shana (who I think says her only line this episode) points out that they're screwed.  The Jem record stock is sold out meaning that he'll have to purchase a Misfits record by default...well, until Ashley takes the Jem record that Rio purchased, puts it back on the shelf, and informs him that he does have a choice.  NO, HE DOESN'T!  That album's already been scanned out!  You can't double sell a record that was previously sold!  It screws up the inventory!  I work retail!  I bloody know these things!  Sheesh, I could cry shenanigans once more, but nobody cares, right?



A newly purple-haired Clash (what did I tell you about changing character appearances) approaches the customer as well, and Clash and Ashley try to convince the customer to buy their respective group's album.  The customer admits he loves both, but only has enough money to buy one record.

Clash offers the customer fifty dollars to buy the Misfits record, but Ashley grabs the money from Clash saying that it's going to be a fair contest.  Um, since when?  EVERYONE'S BEEN CHEATING!!!



In fact, Ashley and Clash are so busy arguing with each other that they don't realize that our customer has made his choice.  And apparently Glitter and Gold triumphs over Misfits.  As if we weren't shocked already. 



And yes, Pizzazz is angry.  As if we weren't shocked already.  Not even Stormer's eternal optimism over selling half a million records is enough to stop Pizzazz from having a meltdown the way a three-year-old would do.  Thing is, I completely find myself feeling sorry for Pizzazz because if you want to get technical, the Misfits won the contest the minute that female customer purchased both albums.  She had the cashier scan the Misfits album BEFORE the Jem album.  Whether it was intentional or not, who knows?  The point is that the Misfits hit that milestone BEFORE Jem, so they should have won the contest.  This episode really pisses me off.



Especially with Jem and Rio celebrating the win, and the Holograms looking smug even though they technically cheated too by offering an album for sale that was already sold.  Glitter and Gold had promise to be an excellent episode and yet in the last five minutes, the golden enticement of the episode quickly turned into Fool's Gold without a glimmer of redemption.  It's not the worst episode by any means, but it is a disappointment.

Tune in this
Saturday, September 17, where I will do a recap of Season 1.  I'll list what characters I loved, which ones I hated, my Top and Bottom 5 songs of each group, and my Top and Bottom 5 episodes.  



And then on Friday, September 23, Season 2 of Jem Reviewed kicks off where Jem finds herself without a drummer!  I'm guessing Shana quit because she was tired of saying six words an episode, but who can say, right?