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Tuesday, October 11, 2016

October 11, 1975

Live from...Ontario, it's Tuesday afternoon!

Well, okay, it's just the
Tuesday Timeline.  How I opened up this blog is a clue to what the subject is about for today.  Of course, we're just going to have to wait a bit before we get to that subject.

For now, enjoy this list of other happenings that took place on the 11th of October.

1311 - The Ordinances of 1311 are published

1767 - Surveying for the Mason-Dixon line is completed; separating the states of Maryland and Pennsylvania

1776 - The Battle of Valcour Island is fought

1852 - The University of Sydney is founded

1865 - The Morant Bay rebellion is led by Paul Bogle in Jamaica

1890 - The Daughters of the American Revolution is founded in Washington D.C.

1906 - The San Francisco Public School Board orders Japanese students to be taught in racially segregated schools which causes a diplomatic crisis between Japan and the United States

1910 - Theodore Roosevelt becomes the first President to fly in an airplane

1926 - Baseball player Joe Ginsberg (d. 2012) is born in New York City

1932 - Country singer Dottie West (d. 1991) is born in Smithville, Tennessee

1942 - The Battle of Cape Esperance takes place during World War II

1961 - Actor Leonard "Chico" Marx dies at the age of 74

1968 - NASA launches Apollo 7

1972 - A race riot takes place on the U.S. Navy aircraft carrier, Kitty Hawk during Operation Linebacker

1984 - Kathryn D. Sullivan becomes the first American woman to perform a space walk

1987 - The National Mall in Washington D.C. displays the AIDS Memorial Quilt for the first time publicly

1991 - Actor Redd Foxx dies on the set of "The Royal Family" from a heart attack, aged 68

1996 - In Estonia, a wood lorry collides with a school bus, killing eight children

2001 - Polaroid files for federal bankruptcy protection

2004 - PBS Kids Go! is launched

And for celebrity birthdays?  Here's a small list of people turning another year older; Earle Hyman, Ron Leibman, John Nettles, Gene Watson, Daryl Hall, Charles Shyer, Paulette Carson, David Morse, Paul Bown, Dawn French, Neil Buchanan, Steve Young, Joan Cusack, Anne Enright, Michael J. Nelson, Sean Patrick Flanery, Luke Perry, Todd Snider, Artie Lange, David Starr, Jane Krakowski, Stephen Moyer, Emily Deschanel, Matt Bomer, Matthew Felker, and Michelle Trachtenberg.



So, the date we're going to revisit is October 11, 1975.  41 years ago.  And I can tell you that this entry is going to be a little bit different.  Sure, I'll talk about why October 11, 1975 was an important date (it has to do with the debut of a television show), but it's more of a celebration piece.



And today, we're celebrating the 41st birthday of "Saturday Night Live"!

From Weekend Updates to Church Ladies, Wayne's World to Celebrity Jeopardy, with Old French Whores, Schwetty Balls, and Roxbury Guys mixed in for flavour, Saturday Night Live has been entertaining audiences on NBC every Saturday night for over four decades.  Many of the actors who have been a part of the show's cast have gone on to become huge stars - and if I had to list every single one who have, I'd be here until the show's 42nd anniversary!  And while most of the shows have been filled with laughs, fun, and improvisation, there has also been some controversial moments associated with the show as well.

So, to celebrate 41 years of SNL, I thought that I'd list 41 different pieces of trivia to commemorate the occasion!  Most of these bits come from the Internet Movie Database, and in all likelihood, you will know some of these already.  But when I was writing this, there were some things that even I didn't know!

So, let's begin!



1 - When the show began, there were seven contracted cast members.  In alphabetical order, they were Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin, Garrett Morris, Laraine Newman, and Gilda Radner.

2 - The first celebrity host of Saturday Night Live was comedian George Carlin.



3 - The first musical guests of Saturday Night Live were Janis Ian and Billy Preston.

4 - The youngest regular cast member to join the show was Anthony Michael Hall, who was just seventeen in 1985 - the year he became a cast member.

5 - Kenan Thompson was the first cast member to be born AFTER the show's 1975 debut.

6 - Several people almost became SNL cast members; these included Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston, Catherine O'Hara, John Goodman, Lisa Kudrow, and Dane Cook.

7 - Steve Carell was also almost cast for the show.  He was turned down, but his wife Nancy joined the cast for the 1995-1996 season!

8 - The year 1980 was a turning point in the show, as show creator Lorne Michaels and the remaining members of the original cast had decided to call it a day.  The show was taken over by Jean Doumanian and had a brand new cast, but the 1980-1981 season was such a trainwreck, it nearly cancelled the show!  It would take five years, and Michaels coming back for the show to bounce back.

9 - Although Steve Martin has hosted the show fifteen times, he was never a cast member - much to some people's insistence.



10 - Tina Fey made history on the show by being the very first female head writer.

11 - With the show being live, it's only natural that some swear words would accidentally filter through.  The F-bomb has dropped a total of at least ten times since the show debuted.



12 - The person who has hosted Saturday Night Live the most is Alec Baldwin, with sixteen different appearances.

13 - Jane Curtin once stated in an interview that John Belushi had a bias against female writers and would sabotage any skit written by a woman by performing the skit lazily.

14 - Every single cast member of "Friends" has hosted the show at least once - except for Matt LeBlanc.

15 - Carly Simon's performance on the May 8, 1976 episode was pre-taped, as she had reservations performing in front of a live audience.



16 - After ripping up a picture of the Pope during her performance on the October 3, 1992 episode, Sinead O'Connor was banned from the show for life.

17 - Other people who have been banned from the show include Adrien Brody, Charles Grodin, Robert Blake, Martin Lawrence, and even original cast member Andy Kaufman!

18 - Chevy Chase - meanwhile - is banned from ever hosting the show again as a result of negative conduct between him and other cast members (though he has appeared as a guest on several episodes)



19 - Longtime show announcer Don Pardo stayed on the show until 2010 (though he had tried to retire twice in between).  From 2010, he recorded his intros from home until his death in 2014.

20 - Louis C.K. did audition for SNL in 1993.  Though he didn't get that role, he would later join the writing staff of Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

21 - Charlie Barnett was cast for the 1980-1981 season, but never filmed one episode as it was discovered that he was illiterate.  He was replaced by Eddie Murphy.

22 - Darrell Hammond holds the record for being the oldest SNL cast member (when he left the show in 2008, he was 53).  Hammond also holds the record for most consecutive seasons, staying on the show for thirteen of the show's 42 seasons.

23 - Louise Lasser and Milton Berle share a rather unfortunate history with producer Lorne Michaels.  Theirs are the only episodes to be banned from re-airing by Michaels as he deemed them terrible hosts.

24 - The oldest cast member to join Saturday Night Live is Leslie Jones, who was 47 when she debuted.

25 - There was almost a prime time SNL Election Show that would have featured many of the show's original cast members that would have aired on November 1, 1980 - ironically, it was pre-empted because of the Presidential Debate!

26 - Jim Henson specifically created a set of adult Muppets that were used during the show's first season - but they were retired in 1976 after they failed to make an impact on the audience.

27 - Candice Bergen was the show's first female host.

28 - Although Tim Meadows and Chris Parnell were fired from the show, both of them were rehired the following season.

29 - John Candy was offered to join the cast of SNL in 1981, but he decided to turn the offer down to stay with SCTV.

30 - Back in 1998, Alec Baldwin did a "Christmas Carol" spoof which featured Jimmy Fallon - who joined the cast that year.  In the monologue, Fallon predicted that he would first host the show in December 2011.  His first time hosting?  December 17, 2011.



31 - When Mike Myers created the character of Simon, he based it off of the lead character in the cartoon series "Simon in the Land of Chalk Drawings".

32 - Gilda Radner was the very first cast member to be hired.

33 - During one episode, Chris Farley accidentally cut his arm with a piece of glass - and you could see the injury in all subsequent sketches.

34 - Terry Gilliam was the only Monty Python cast member to NOT appear on the show.

35 - Kate McKinnon won the Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series in 2016 - the 50th Emmy win for Saturday Night Live!

36 - The show has filmed on Studio 8H since it began.



37 - One of the most awkward moments on the show took place on October 23, 2004, when Ashlee Simpson was the musical guest.  The wrong song was cued up and it caused her to do a jig on stage before running off.

38 - Nine cast members have died younger than the age of 60; John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Danitra Vance, Michael O'Donoghue, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman, Charles Rocket, Tom Davis, and Jan Hooks.

39 - Both Emily Prager and Laurie Metcalf hold the distinctive record of only having been a cast member for ONE episode.  They were both hired by Dick Ebersol at the end of season six when Ebersol took over for Jean Doumanian, but both left by the beginning of season seven.

40 - Christopher Reeve appeared as an audience member in a skit just weeks before hosting the show himself.

And finally...

41 - The current cast of SNL performers include Vanessa Bayer, Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Michael Che, Pete Davidson, Leslie Jones, Colin Jost, Kate McKinnon, Kyle Mooney, Bobby Moynihan, Cecily Strong, Kenan Thompson, and Sasheer Zamata.

Happy 41st birthday, SNL!

Sunday, October 09, 2016

The City - The Secret Life of Azure C

To all of my friends in Canada, I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving!  Enjoy your turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce - and if you have some room, a nice big slice of pumpkin pie.

I know I'm thankful for all of you who read this blog.  And thank you for helping me keep it going for five years and counting!

So, last Sunday, I was talking about how soap operas could sometimes do storylines on social issues long before they became mainstream, and since I haven't done a lot of focus on daytime dramas on this blog, I thought I'd make every Sunday in October a "Soap Suds Sunday". 

I know, it's lame, but it works.

Now, these days, it seems as though soap operas all over the world are becoming more and more open to having transsexual or transgender characters on their shows.  On "The Bold and The Beautiful", you have Maya Avant Forrester who shocked audiences with the revelation that she used to be a Myron.  On "Coronation Street", the romance between Roy Cropper and his transgender spouse Hayley lasted over fifteen years before Hayley passed away from cancer.

However, one soap predated both of these shows when it came to introducing a transsexual character - and while the storyline came to an abrupt halt due to the controversy surrounding it, I do appreciate the show for at least trying to get a storyline off the ground.

Interestingly enough, this storyline was featured on one of the shortest running daytime dramas in North America.



How many of you remember the soap opera "The City"?  I'm guessing not a lot of you.  Don't worry, I'll fill in the blanks.  Back in 1995, ABC made the decision to cancel the soap opera "Loving", as it had been last place in the ratings for nearly its entire dozen year run.  But rather than let it die, showrunners James Harmon Brown and Barbara Esensten made the decision to keep a few "Loving" characters, and move them into a building located in Manhattan's SoHo District.



That show became "The City".  And "The City" broke new ground in how daytime soaps were filmed.  In November 1995 - when the show began - the show used the FilmLook method of taping instead of the traditional videotape, which caused the show to look as though it was filmed for a motion picture.  More handheld cameras were used as well, making "The City" resemble MTV's "The Real World".  And with Morgan Fairchild heading the new cast of the show, ABC was definitely firing on all cylinders.

Sadly, despite ABC's attempts to keep the show going, it was cancelled after just sixteen months - the last episode airing on March 28, 1997.

However, in its short run, the show featured a lot of storylines that pushed the envelope.  In 1996 alone, we had a bombing, racial tensions, prostitution, and even a serial stalker storyline.

But perhaps the soap's most daring storyline involved an up and coming fashion model that had a secret that would set forth a scandal, a strained relationship, and that stalker storyline that I briefly talked about earlier in this piece.



The story begins shortly after "The City" debuted.  "Loving" transplant Tess Wilder (the one wearing the tiara) had opened up her own model agency and hired several people to work for her.  These included photographer Ally Bowman, male model Danny Roberts, secretary Molly Malone, and female models Stephanie Brewster and Azure C.

Within a couple of months of the show's debut, Stephanie gave birth to a child and moved to Paris to be with the child's father, leaving Azure C as Tess' protege.  According to Tess, Azure C was going to be the next top model of the 1990s, and she was going to be a star.  And if the promotion of Azure C was going to help Tess get internationally recognized, all the better, right?



And certainly Azure C was a stunner.  She was very photogenic, she looked great in most clothes, and although she was painfully shy at times, you'd never know it from her pictures.  Certainly one man who took notice was the superintendent of 212 Greene Street - the building that housed the Wilder Agency and most of the residences where the cast lived.  Bernardo Castro had developed a crush on Azure C, and he certainly did everything he could to get her to notice him.

But Azure had three secrets that Bernardo wasn't aware of.  The first secret was that Azure C wasn't her real name - it was Lee Chen.  But Bernardo didn't see it as much of a revelation.  After all, many models use a professional name in the business.

Secret #2 was that Azure told Bernardo that she attended the same high school that he did, and that she always liked him back then.  But this confused Bernardo, as he never remembered going to school with a girl named Lee Chen.

And with good reason, as secret #3 was the biggest one of all.  The reason why Bernardo didn't remember attending school with a girl named Lee Chen was because Lee Chen was a boy!  Yes, sometime between Bernardo and Azure's high school graduation and Bernardo first meeting Azure at the Wilder Agency, Lee Chen transitioned from male to female.

She paid for the surgery herself, and she had mistakenly believed that she had covered up her tracks so that nobody would ever suspect that she used to be a man.  And while she had every intention of telling Bernardo the truth, the relationship between them deepened.  And the more that Bernardo fell in love with Azure, the harder it became for Azure to reveal the truth.

Well, that is until someone revealed the truth in perhaps the cruelest way possible without any regard for feelings whatsoever.

You see, while all this was going on, the owner of 212 Greene Street, Sydney Chase, was trying to deal with the fact that her billionaire husband Jared was not dead as she had believed.  Jared was very much alive, and he was definitely causing trouble.  He knew that the building contained a secret stash of gold inside the walls of the Wilder Agency, and he wanted to claim it all for himself.  But in order for him to do that, he had to find a way to close the agency once and for all.

And with the help of one of his cronies, Jared discovered Azure's secret...and proceeded to publish it all over the New York tabloids.  The shock waves created a scandal at the agency as Tess had no clue about Azure's past at all, and Bernardo didn't find out about Azure's past until after he spent the night with her and read the newspaper on his way to purchase some orange juice!

The fallout from the revelation was huge.  Because of the scandal that Jared manipulated, Jared managed to gain full control of Tess' agency through methods of trickery.  Tess was left to pick up the pieces of her shattered life.  And after having her secret exposed to the world, Azure contemplated taking her own life in a seedy motel.

Fortunately, Bernardo got over his shock and anger from the scandal and he was the one who convinced Azure that she had a lot of life left to live.  But as far as the romantic relationship between Bernardo and Azure went, it more or less fizzled.  Which was a shame too, because I think had the show pressed ahead with the storyline, it could have been told with dignity and respect.

Though, the storyline did lead into the soap's only mystery storyline - not long after Azure's secret was exposed, Jared Chase was shot and killed in the very agency he had a hand in destroying.  But don't worry...Azure wasn't a suspect for long.  No, the real killer was someone that had a real hatred for happy women...but that's another tale for another day.

I do wish I had more to show you, but episodes of "The City" are few and far between.  In fact, a lot of the information I grabbed for this blog, I borrowed from a Tumblr blog that had old soap opera summaries for cancelled soaps!  But, for a soap that didn't last all that long, it certainly was ahead of its time.

As for Azure C?  She left the show in the summer of 1996 to start over again - but her seatmate on the plane was her old friend and lover, Bernardo Castro.  So, maybe Azure received her happy ending after all.

Friday, October 07, 2016

Jem Reviewed: Episode 29 - Scandal

First things first, everyone who is in the path of Hurricane Matthew (I swear, I wasn't responsible for this one), please take cover and stay safe.  

Now, let's go ahead with Jem ReviewedLast week, we welcomed Raya to the Holograms and Jetta to the Misfits.  Now that both bands are complete, let's see what their first adventure will be.



This is Episode 29: Scandal.  Sounds...scandalous.



As the episode begins, Jem and the Holograms are on their way to Venice Beach.  The reason why they are going is to do an interview with Channel 82's Terry Stone and Connie Long.  On the way to the beach, they pass a giant billboard advertising The Harriet Horn Show.  Harriet Horn is basically your Joan Rivers knockoff, whose talk show boasts that she has the best celebrity barbecues.  Oh, so she's a woman who went out searching for celebrity scandals long before TMZ existed.  I wonder if we'll see her appear on this episode.  Hmmmm...



Well, we've no time for that now.  For the Holograms, they've been down this interview road before, but Raya is legitimately nervous as this is her very first one since joining Jem and the Holograms.  She's very concerned that she will screw the whole thing up, but everyone in the group tells her that if she shows her true personality, she'll come out a winner.  Sounds to me like Raya needs a song to cheer her up.



Now, when "She Makes an Impression" was first used in Episode 13, it was set to a bunch of junior high girls trying on ugly clothes.  This time around, the show uses it MUCH better.  And, hey, Raya's absolutely cute as a button in this video.  Major improvement!

So when Jem and the Holograms arrive at Venice Beach, they are told that they will be interviewed right after Terry and Connie are finished with Sean Harrison.  Wait...why does that name sound familiar?



Oh, that's right.  Sean was one of Kimber's many flings from Season 1.  The guy that Kimber met at the World Hunger Shindig that had the fakest British accent one could muster up.  Seriously, even Madonna could out-Brit Sean Harrison.

Oh, and the reason why Sean's back in town?  He's performing with his band at some event called the Roller Rock Out, and he's on the show to promote the event.  Raya is intrigued by Kimber actually knowing a celebrity like Sean, but Kimber's like, yeah, I know him.  I guess that's to be expected since she dated like fourteen different men in between Episode 9 and 29.



So, Sean's getting interviewed by Connie and Terry, and I can't shake the feeling that I know the person who is voicing Terry.  Let me Google it for hopes of adding some Jem Trivia to the mix.  Ah, yes, that's why he sounded familiar.  He's voiced by Rob Paulsen, who also worked on "Animaniacs", "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", and "Pinky and the Brain"!  He must have been doing Jem episodes around the same time he was doing "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles".



Of course, we can't have a television interview without the Misfits storming the beach demanding their fifteen minutes of fame.  And, of course, Connie is extremely annoyed by their presence.  Sean is still just as turned off by Pizzazz as he was twenty shows ago, and he cuts the interview short.  Terry asks Pizzazz out on a date.  Gee, I wonder which one grew up to work at TMZ in their fifties?  I'm guessing not Connie.



Sean seems to be more interested in Kimber anyway.  And it appears as though Kimber has a diary that she writes in.  She explains to Sean that her diary is where some of her best ideas come out, and she does use it as her own personal songbook.  Ah, so, Kimber seems to be the person who writes most of the Holograms songs.  That's a neat fact.  I'm surprised Jem and the Holograms haven't had a hit with "Too Many Men in the World".  But Sean is quite impressed with Kimber's talents, and he asks her something very important.



If you think that Sean's going to propose to Kimber, you'd be wrong.  But he does ask Kimber to write a song for him and his band, which she happily accepts.  After all, it's been three episodes since she's had a date!



In fact, Kimber is so distracted by the power of Sean that she doesn't hear Jem and the others calling her to the beach for the interview.  Kimber leaves in such a rush that she accidentally leaves her diary on the bench she was sitting on - and Jetta happens to grab it.  This definitely doesn't bode well for our flame haired songbird.  But for now, let's see how the Jem interview goes.



Turns out Raya doesn't have anything to worry about.  Terry and Connie only ask her one question.  Not much of an interview, but Raya comes across as charming in her five word response.  Terry tries to turn the interview around by asking Kimber about any tension within the band, but Kimber scoffs at that comment, saying that there's no way that their band could ever be considered gossip material.  Well, aside from the time they cheated at the Glitter and Gold contest.  Or the time they had three of their foster girls run away from home.  Or the time that they let one of their foster girls nearly get eaten by a bear...



Anyway, the Misfits are watching the interview on television and they are completely upset that the show cut out their whole appearance on television.  Because I know that when someone interrupts my interview and barges on the show without being an invited guest, that makes me want to air everything on television!  



Jetta doesn't seem to be as upset as the others though.  It seems as though she has leafed through Kimber's diary and made remarks about all of the Misfits that aren't very nice.  For instance, she thinks Pizzazz is spoiled and that Roxy is ignorant.  Now, these seem to be minor things, but Pizzazz and Roxy's reactions make it out to be like Pizzazz is a prostitute and that Roxy is addicted to crack.  Interestingly, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of nasty stuff about Stormer - but then again, Stormer IS the nice Misfit.   Pizzazz also leafs through the diary (Roxy refuses, saying it's not worth her time), and discovers that Kimber has been trash talking Jem and the others!  And this gives Pizzazz a rather wicked idea.

At the place where Jem and the Holograms are staying, Raya receives a message from a bellhop.  There are messages for Jerrica, Aja, Shana, and Kimber.  Interestingly, Raya doesn't get one.  I wonder why that is? 



I think we find out why when Aja and Shana start reading theirs.  Aja's is a page from Kimber's diary, stating that Kimber thinks her cold as ice personality makes her wonder if Aja's got any feelings.  Shana's is also a page from Kimber's diary, stating that Kimber gets so annoyed by Shana being so uber-sensitive.  Jerrica opens up her envelope and it's another diary entry where Kimber wishes that Jem was her sister instead of Jerrica.  Well, she kinda is.

Ah, so the Misfits photocopied or ripped pages out of Kimber's diary and sent it to them so that they get so upset they kick her out of the band.  It also explains why Raya never got one because she's only been a Hologram for all of twelve seconds.



Kimber is choking down humble pie by the spoonful, and is embarrassed at what she said, but unlike the Misfits, the Holograms have no hard feelings.  Besides, it's not like Kimber called them all whores or anything.



Kimber's message is more direct.  It's a message explaining that a tabloid magazine called Cool Trash Magazine has the diary.  Oh, I see...the Misfits think that by giving Kimber's diary to the magazine that it'll create a scandal.  The problem is that Kimber's trash talking is...well...bland.



Nevertheless, Kimber and her band go directly to Cool Trash Magazine to settle things with the editor, Pit Slurman.  What a name, huh?  Jerrica, Aja, Shana, and Raya disguise themselves as a team of lawyers willing to represent Kimber.  Interestingly enough, Shana seems to be carrying a typewriter with her - which is kind of awkward, even by 1987 standards!  But whatever Kimber and the others does works, and Kimber takes back her diary.  That was easy.  A little too easy.



Yep, sure enough, Roxy is hiding in Pit's office armed with a bunch of diary pages ripped out of Kimber's diary.  Roxy says that all he needs is the "dirt".  Unless there's some story involving Kimber, a monkey, and a turkey baster, I question how much dirt is really in Kimber's diary of cleanliness.



Seems as though the Misfits have also sabotaged Jem's car while they were meeting with Pit Slurman.  The Rockin' Roadster has a flat tire.  And Roxy and Pit remark that they're on their way to meet up with Sean Harrison.  I'm more distracted by the fact that the Holograms are standing in front of a building that supposedly sells LSD as if it's a legal substance!  But, Kimber doesn't notice this little fact as she realizes that she was supposed to meet Sean for dinner an hour ago!  Whoops!



It's time for phase two of the Misfits plan.  Once again, Stormer seems to be out of the loop - which tells me that she wants nothing to do with hurting Kimber.  Interesting.  But Jetta and Pizzazz are there, and they manage to create a photo opportunity with Sean in front of Pit Slurman.  Pit then grabs his tape recorder and tries to interview him about his relationship with Kimber - but all Sean does is praise Kimber while putting down Pizzazz.  Sean leaves the restaurant to try and find Kimber.  Too bad...he misses the part where Pit manipulates the tape so that Sean appears to be trash talking Kimber and rebuffing her advances.  It's sneaky...but not really scandalous.  And I've read the National Enquirer.



Kimber does try to call Sean at the restaurant to explain what happened, but Jetta picks up the phone and makes out that Sean left in a huff.  Kimber's disappointment glows almost as brightly as her hair.



And to rub salt in Kimber's already festering heart, another letter arrives for Kimber just before the band is set to leave for the Roller Rock Off.  This time, it's the Polaroid picture of Pizzazz and Jetta hamming it up with Sean even though you can clearly tell that Sean's smile is as fake as his accent.  Kimber decides to believe in Sean though, and shreds the picture into a dozen pieces.  Wow...Kimber's showing a little more maturity this time around.  I'm impressed.



Okay, so it appears as though the Roller Rock Out combines roller skating with rock music - which back in the 1980s was a legitimately radical idea, dude.  Seriously, it seems to be a huge hit, and we ALMOST hear Sean's band perform.  It's just too bad that we don't actually hear Sean singing.  I would have liked to have known if he sang with a fake accent too.



What we do hear is a bunch of people circling around Harriet Horn informing her that Kimber's got some scandalous secret buzzing around her.  Oh, this can't be good for Kimber at all.



And, I don't think it can be good when the Misfits crash the Roller Rock Out to out Kimber's scandal once and for all - in song.



The thing is - as much as I hate to admit it - "I Love a Scandal" is one bad-ass song!  Sure, the subject matter and lyrics are essentially a love letter to the paparazzi, but the song's arrangement and beat make it one awesome hit!  Heck, the Misfits could record a song using lines found in a Strawberry Shortcake movie, and still turn it into a killer song!



And, it's here where the scandal breaks.  How Kimber Benton, keyboardist and songwriter of Jem and the Holograms, threw herself over teen heartthrob Sean Harrison, who kicked her to the curb for Pizzazz.

Um...THAT'S YOUR SCANDAL?  Seriously?  That's so lame!  No, a scandal would be if Sean was actually from Hoboken, New Jersey.  A scandal would be if Aja clubbed Raya over the head and buried her body in the backyard so that Craig Phillips could be their new drummer.  Heck, I'll say it.  Jem being Jerrica Benton would be the ultimate scandal!  But Kimber getting rejected by a guy?  That's not a scandal!  That's every second Wednesday for her!!!



It's enough for Kimber to roll out of the building and nearly get run over by a bus though.  And they say SHANA'S the sensitive one?



Back at the Roller Rock Out, Harriet Horn congratulates the Misfits on creating "one heck of a scandal".  I think at this point you could open up Webster's Dictionary to the S section and throw it at Harriet's head and she STILL wouldn't know the definition of the word scandal.  But whatever the case, Harriet decides that she will invite the Misfits on her show to find out more about this scandal that they created.  And she wants Jem and the Holograms to tell their side as well - though the Misfits are certain that Kimber will take a pass.



After crying in the rain - as opposed to the Neil Sedaka hit "Laughter in the Rain", Kimber heads back to Starlight Mansion where somehow she's lost her skates and got on a bus barefoot.  Maybe she sold them to get bus fare...I don't know.  The point is that Ashley notices Kimber come in and Ashley lets the Holograms know that Kimber's arrived safe and sound.



But Kimber's most definitely not okay.  She wakes up with a scream as she remembers all of the drama that happened at the Roller Rock Out, and she decides that she needs to talk to someone else.  But since Jem and the others are still at a hotel, Kimber decides to pay Synergy a visit, and demands that she make her over into someone who was tough and never got hurt by anybody.



Synergy obliges and turns Kimber into somebody who has raided the wardrobes of Cyndi Lauper, Lita Ford, and Wendy O. Williams.  Synergy also asks if this is a phase that Kimber is going through.  Wow, not even the supercomputer takes her seriously!  That has to hurt!  Synergy reminds Kimber that her father would have wanted Kimber to be strong, which prompts Kimber to lash out - demanding to know how Synergy could ever know what her father was thinking.  Um, Kimber...your dad CREATED Synergy!  That's how Synergy would know!



Synergy proceeds to show Kimber a collage of happy moments that included her playing with butterflies, being a neglectful pet owner, and playing the guitar.



And she shows Kimber a sad moment in which she sings a song, everyone boos her, she cries, and gets a hug from her father, telling her that she should "be true to herself, believe in her song, and give the audience a chance".



Kimber gets so emotional about those words that she decides that she would rather be herself, and after changing back into Kimber Benton, she comes up with the idea for a song that might turn everything around.  Having nothing to write on, she grabs a lid from a shoebox and pens a song right there and then.



The following morning, Raya walks through the holographic wall protecting Synergy and finds Kimber passed out on the floor.  Kimber wakes up after Raya taps her, and announces that she doesn't want to be late for the show.  Raya explains that they have it covered and Kimber doesn't have to attend, but Kimber insists, bringing her shoebox lid song with her.  So help me, if she brings that shoebox lid on the Harriet Horn Show, I'm gonna scream.



As the Harriet Horn Show progresses, the Misfits are already on the show trash talking the Holograms - in particular, Kimber - to Harriet.  And I get the feeling that Harriet is somewhat bored with the crew.  She actually welcomes the fact that Jem and the Holograms have decided to entertain the crowd with a song - the song that Kimber wrote on that shoebox lid.



The song is "Dear Diary", and well...I guess it does what it was supposed to do - illustrate the importance of Kimber's diary and how she felt violated that the Misfits took it and shared all of her secrets.  But the song itself isn't that memorable.  Kimber probably shouldn't have written that song at 3:14am.

Harriet has another surprise though.  Sean Harrison is her surprise special guest and he has a lot to say.  First things first, Sean completely rebuffs Pizzazz's story that he doesn't care about Kimber.  The truth is that he cares about her a lot and he genuinely wants Kimber to write a song for him because he believes in her and her talent.  If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Sean's feelings for Kimber are quite genuine.



So are Pizzazz's feelings of rage for not only having been rejected by Sean again, but how her plan to trash Kimber completely boomeranged on her.  I think Pizzazz gets so rowdy that Harriet probably gets her Steve Wilkos like bodyguard to escort her off the set!



So, it appears as though Kimber gets a happy ending.  She says yes to Sean, and she spends the last minute of the show hugging her diary, and calling it her old friend.



Okay, so my summary of Scandal is this.  To be completely honest, I can totally get where Kimber is coming from.  While I do use this space to share pop culture tidbits and some personal tales...I don't share everything.  I too keep a diary that is even more secret than this one, and there are some things that only a select few know about me.  So, if someone were to take my thoughts and twist them around to humiliate or hurt me, I would feel violated too.  And while "Dear Diary" will never be my favourite Jem song, I do understand why Kimber wrote it.

But can we just say that this scandal was hardly a scandal?  Seriously, Jem writers.  It's been almost 30 years.  I hope you would know what a scandal is by now!  Heck, the Kardashajenner's have redefined that word the last couple of years!



Next week, Jem goes crazy.  See, now THAT'S a scandal!!!