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Thursday, March 15, 2018

Hospital Gift Shop Finds

Over the last six months, I've spent a lot of time in hospitals.  Thankfully, not as a patient...more like I've been in hospitals visiting patients.

I'll tell you something.  I don't know a single person in the world who absolutely loves to be in the hospital - well, unless you happen to work in a hospital.  And even then, it might be a moot point.  Let's face it, they can be pretty depressing places to be.  You are surrounded by people who are sick and/or injured and you feel a bit helpless in feeling as though you can't help them.  Also, the food is notoriously bad.  I know that when I was in the hospital as a patient, I wanted to leave as soon as possible, but knew that I had to wait until I felt better before I could.

But I will say this.  As depressing a place as hospitals can be, there are some cool things about them too.  Babies are born in hospitals every day, and sick and injured people do recover and get to go back home. 

And there is one place that is found in most hospitals that I absolutely love.  In fact, when I was a kid, I walked by the town hospital after school and it would be the place where I would hang out for a few minutes each time I got my allowance.  



Yes, I admit it.  I spent part of my childhood hanging around the hospital gift shop.  And why not?  Hospital gift shops contain so many treasures and goodies inside of them.  Each gift shop contains items that are designed to help brighten the spirits of the patients that are recovering inside.  And even if you weren't a patient inside the hospital, there were still a lot of fun things to purchase inside.

Believe me.  From the time I was six until the time I was nineteen, the hospital gift shop was a place where I found some of the coolest things ever. 

Here were just a few of the treasures that I bought from hospital gift shops.



Naturally, you all know that I am a comic book geek.  I make absolutely zero apologies about it.  But did you know that at least 10% of my whole collection of comic books came from hospital gift shops?  It's true!  I still remember the first time I found out that our hospital gift shop sold comic books.  I had just lost my first baby teeth (the two front teeth came out the same day), and my mom took me to the hospital gift shop on her way to visit someone there.  When I saw a copy of Jughead Jones Digest #51 (how crazy is it that I remember that), I used my tooth fairy money to buy that book!  Still have it too!



Hospital gift shops were also the best place to purchase birthday cards, believe it or not.  Sure, most of the cards that they had to offer were "Get Well Soon" cards, but there were also birthday cards available - in case one was unlucky enough to celebrate their birthday in the hospital.  They were relatively inexpensive too, so at least I didn't have to spend too much money on them.



Sometimes I'd grab a snack from the hospital gift shop after school because after studying the times tables, doing an art project in class, and conjugating every French verb ever created, I needed a sugar rush to boost my energy until dinner.  My snack of choice was a Cadbury Rum and Butter bar and a can of Dr. Pepper or C-Plus Orange Soda.  Oh, I wish they would bring those chocolate bars back!



I also managed to find some amazing toys when I went shopping at the hospital gift shop.  There were lots of activity books available at the store, which included word searches, crossword puzzles, and my personal favourite - Yes and Know books.  You know those books where the answers are written in invisible ink and you had to use the special pen to uncover them?  Do they still make those?  I really enjoyed them back in the day.



I also recall buying some of those alphabet and number fridge magnets from the store when I was a small kid, as well as building blocks, a small pick-up-sticks game, and a small wooden village playset.  Who needed a fancy toy store like Woolworth's or Toys R Us when you had a whole gift shop filled with goodies?  And given that Toys R Us is on the verge of closing up shop for good this year, hospital gift shops suddenly don't look like a bad option for gift giving.



And of course there are lots of stuffed toys and onesies to purchase for those new moms who just gave birth to new children.  Believe me, some of the stuff in those stores are not only beautifully made, but a lot of the items were hand-stitched and crafted by hospital volunteers.  You know a gift has to be good when it's made with love.

Anyone else have some wonderful bargains found at their local hospital gift shop?

Friday, March 09, 2018

Recapping One Day at a Time - Episode 6 - The Death of Mrs. Resnick

It's time for another episode of Recapping One Day at a Time, and this time we are at Episode 6:  The Death of Mrs. Resnick.

But don't be alarmed.  Mrs. Resnick isn't a character on the show.  At least not a human character anyway.  In fact, we're about to meet her now.



No, she's not hiding in the car with Penelope, Alex, and Elena.  Mrs. Resnick is the car!  Plot twist.  Who would have thought it?

We learn a lot of things about Mrs. Resnick from the idle chat taking place as Penelope is driving Alex to his baseball game.  We learn that it was a car that Victor owned when she began dating him.  We learn that he named it after a teacher he had in high school that he had a huge crush on.  And we quickly learn that over twenty years of owning Mrs. Resnick, she's on her last legs. 

It's bad enough that Elena turning up the air conditioning causes the car to stall in the middle of the busy road.  For Penelope, it's an even bigger tragedy that her cassingle of Toni Braxton's "Un-break My Heart" won't play in the car stereo the way that she would like it to.  Seems like "Un-break My Heart" has broken!



The opening credits roll and when the title screen appears we see Lydia sitting on the couch wearing what appears to be a Bounce fabric softener sheet on her face.  When the gang arrive back from the baseball diamond, they are wondering what is going on.  Lydia explains that it's a sheet mask, but thanks to her accent, it sounds like something a lot more naughty which leads to a fun pun war between the Alvarez family!  I'll recap it in my best lines section.



Oh, and of course, Schneider is here - amusingly wearing the same kind of mask that Lydia is wearing.  I guess we know where she got the idea to wear one, huh?  And, is it just me, or does Schneider spend more time at the Alvarez place than his own home?  I guess having five moms in your life kind of makes you crave stability.



It looks like there's bad news on all fronts regarding the car.  First, Alex tore his pants getting out of Mrs. Resnick because he apparently had to climb through the trunk to get out as the doors wouldn't work!  Then, Penelope's mechanic calls and tells her that the cost to repair Mrs. Resnick would be more than she would pay if she bought a new car!  And on top of all that, the Toni Braxton cassingle unspooled!  Oh, the horrors!



Penelope is a bit bummed about having to buy a new car.  Not only can she not afford one, but it's extremely nerve-wracking for her because this will be the first big purchase she'll be making without Victor.  She then goes into a discussion about how in love she and Victor were once upon a time, and how Mrs. Resnick was brand new when they got her - well, okay, she had 60,000 miles on her, but it was brand new to them!  She even talks about how on one of their first dates, Victor grabbed a five dollar bill and wrote their initials on it to profess his love!  You know, based on Penelope's descriptions of life with Victor, he seems like an okay guy.  I wonder why they split up?

Penelope also talks about the process of buying a new vehicle and how she lists off some bullet points about how women often get charged a higher price for cars, and how men seem to get better deals.  Unfortunately based on what I've noticed, she's not wrong.  So, Penelope is stressed out about it.  She knows she needs a car, but she is having anxiety about it all.



This prompts ideas from Lydia, Schneider, and Elena on how to make the situation easier on them.  Lydia plans to reboot her dance classes and she will teach everyone how to dance.  Yeah, okay.  Schneider offers to take Alex to his baseball games until Penelope can get a new car.  Decent.  And Elena makes it a mission to take public transit as her next crusade to save the environment - partly because she wants to reduce her carbon footprint, and partly to really annoy her Abuelita.  Yeah, because that's the reason we all live on this planet.  To save it while sticking it to our relatives.  My goodness, Elena's been sort of preachy lately!



At work, Penelope is talking with Dr. B. about the car purchase and with a little pep talk from him about how she's a strong woman, Penelope is in the right frame of mind to choose a car that is right for her and her family.  But she's still feeling insecure about dealing with the salesman and just to ease her along, she asks Dr. B. to tag along with her in hopes of getting a better deal.  Dr. B. is in...until Penelope tells him the date she wants to buy the car, and he already has plans to meet with his messed-up daughter's life coaching team.  Because as it has already been established, Dr. B.'s kids are screwed up.  Probably because they have Dr. B. as a father.  But hey, I'm judging a fictional character.  What do I know?



Back at the Alvarez household, Elena rambles on and on about how wonderful it was to take the bus, and how she wishes she had done it before.  Judging by Lydia's reaction, I can guarantee that she's seething on the inside.  But hey, at least Elena seems to be having the right attitude about it.

Key word, seems.



And Alex is really enjoying having Schneider take him to the ball games.  Not only does Alex really enjoy the heated seats in Schneider's vehicle, but he notes that the car attracts all the ladies.  Schneider even used the opportunity to boast that one of the baseball moms hit on him, but Penelope lets him down by explaining that the mom is a lesbian.  Of course, glass-half-full Schneider at least entertains the notion that she swings both ways at the plate.  Ah, Schneider...you come across as so creepy, yet so goofy.  I'm on the fence with you!

At least Penelope can count on Schneider agreeing to tag along with her to help her get the best deal on a vehicle.  Of course, she wants Schneider to pose as her husband as she's heard that married couples get better deals than single people.  Okay then.  She already has her eye set on a 2012 model in particular.  Schneider even offers her up some tips on how to get the salesman to become more vulnerable - which includes him throwing a pen on the floor and using his assets (or lack thereof) to shake him up a bit.  Of course, Penelope would be the one to flaunt what Lydia and Berto gave her!  Penelope seems to want to take a different approach though.



You see, Penelope also did a bit of research and found that people at car dealerships are more sympathetic towards veterans (and I'm wondering what source she's getting her info from).  Either way, she's in full Army garb, and even Schneider seems to be impressed at her technique.  Besides, with a male salesperson, it won't be too hard for Penelope to sell her story.



Ah, but what happens when the salesperson is female?  Well, that throws a spanner in the works, doesn't it?  And it looks like our friendly neighbourhood saleswoman - her name is Jill, by the way - is causing both Penelope and Schneider's brains to explode.



I mean, Schneider decides that he's going to do the pen trick to get Jill to fawn over him, and he ends up getting stuck underneath a parked car.  Wow...good plan.  NOT!

Fortunately, it seems as though Penelope has a much easier time relating to Jill.  As it turns out, Jill is a war veteran herself!  And this eases the tension between Penelope and Jill with Penelope emphatically declaring that she and Schneider are NOT married!  Yeah, I don't think she gives Jill nearly enough credit!  But either way, it appears as though Penelope might get her car after all!  And after Jill yells at a co-worker for eating too many donuts and Schneider bolts out from under the car after seeing a spider, it's time to talk business!

We're back at the Alvarez home where Elena is all hearts, flowers, and sunshine about the bus.  This prompts Lydia to talk about how she went to the butcher and ripped out the weave of another woman over a leg of lamb.  It's a totally unrelated story, but it tells us all to be careful of 70-year-old Latino women with a thick accent!



Elena talks about her journey, and Lydia quizzes her on everything, knowingly making up some parts along the way to confuse her.  Seems as though Lydia is onto something - especially after she catches Elena in a lie and pounces on her like...oh, a grandmother attacking a customer in the butcher shop, perhaps?



Elena finally admits that she hates riding the bus.  She claims it smells, it's overcrowded, and someone actually stole her socks.  As I'm trying to figure out how that's even possible, Lydia remarks that she too has been taking public transit.  And buying local groceries.  And recycling.  Wow, Lydia's really wanting to be top dog in the Alvarez household, eh?  Fortunately, Elena is thrilled that Lydia can actually teach her a few things about how to live life more environmentally friendly.



If only Elena could have showed Lydia how to make a poster.  In Lydia's haste to make posters advertising her dance school, the wording on the poster as well as the photo used has unfortunately made Lydia appear as though she is running a sex hotline.  Which leads to a funny gag about how Lydia is impressed at getting fifty-eight new phone messages, and after hearing some of them makes her want to get a new phone number!  Lydia is definitely the comic relief of the show, and Rita Moreno is a star!



We're back at the car lot, and we're finally getting to see Mrs. Resnick one last time.  I imagine back in her prime, she was a sleek, royal blue machine.  But now, it's time to say farewell.  Besides, Penelope knocked off the mirror right off the bat, so it's definitely time to say goodbye to the old and in with the new.  Jill leaves Penelope alone to clear out the car while she draws up the sale, and this causes Penelope to start getting in a reflective mood as she enters the car one last time.



Through the trunk.  Hey, at least she knows how Alex felt!



It's a sad moment when Penelope goes through the car interior and finds that her Toni Braxton cassingle has bit the dust.  I don't know if her heart will ever un-break from that.  Sorry, I had to go there!



But as Penelope goes through the glove compartment to take out her other things, she finds the five dollar bill that Victor wrote their initials on...and if Penelope's heart wasn't broken before over the chewed up tape, believe me when I tell you it's in a million pieces now.  Poor girl.



At this point, Jill comes back to check on Penelope and she gets in the car with her too.  Interestingly enough, Jill has no problem getting inside the car - though it could be because when she tries to open the door, the windows fall out!  At this point, it's a miracle Mrs. Resnick lasted as long as she did!  But then we learn about how Victor and Penelope broke up, and it gets a little dark for a sitcom, but it's important for the telling of the story, as well as Penelope's personal growth.

Before Victor and Penelope went off to war in Afghanistan, they were a loving couple and they had the whole world in their hands.  But when they were both deployed and they saw the world get blown up piece by piece in front of them, it changed both of them forever.  We know that Penelope suffers from depression and post traumatic stress, but for Victor, it was even rougher on him.  He developed a drinking problem became an addict, and this caused the once likeable Victor to turn into a raging monster.  It's implied that he did some things that really hurt Penelope, though the show doesn't go into detail.  Penelope tearfully recalls the time in which Victor got so drunk that Penelope had to take the keys away from him...because he talked about how he wanted to hop in Mrs. Resnick and drive into a tree, killing himself.  As I said, it's a really dark story, but the way that Justina Machado tells it is so powerful.  She is such a phenomenal actress.



Jill gets it because she was where Victor was when she returned to civilian life...until she got help for it.  She tells Penelope that she's in a support group for female veterans and she tells Penelope to come with her to the next meeting.  It may not save her relationship with Victor, but at the very least, she'll start the process of healing herself.  Jill points out that it might be helpful to her to be surrounded by other female veterans who know what she is going through, and Penelope agrees to give it a whirl.  Well, not only has Penelope bought a new car on her own, but she ended up making a new friend in the process!  And Penelope didn't think she could do it!  I think she sold herself a little short!



The end result is that Penelope is happily driving her new car, and everyone is happy.  Alex is happy that his mom has a car to take him to baseball practice.  Elena is happy that she never has to ride the bus again.  And, given that Lydia is drinking a bottle of rum in the passenger seat, she must be happy about everything!  But Penelope is happiest of all.  Why?  Because she's programmed "Un-break My Heart" into her stereo to play at voice command.  Good for her, bad for them.  You know what, I feel compelled to play Toni Braxton in this blog just to get it done and over with.  And I will!

As you listen to her un-break her heart, have a look at the funny lines from this episode!  See you next week!



ELENA:  Maybe the car's mad 'cause papi stuck it with the name Mrs. Resnick.
PENELOPE:  You know your papi named her after a hot teacher he had a crush on.
ALEX:  Yeah, but by now I bet Mr. Resnick's traded her in for a younger model.

PENELOPE:  (noticing Lydia's mask) What are you doing, Mami?
LYDIA:  This is supposed to make your skin glow.  It's called a sheet mask.
PENELOPE:  Mami, "sheet".  It's called a sheet mask.
LYDIA:  That's what I said, "sheet".
ELENA:  So, would you say you are sheet-faced right now?
PENELOPE:  Ah, stop.  Or the sheet will hit the fan.

 SCHNEIDER:  Connie Merkelson told me she's never seen anybody slice apples with such grace.  Not gonna lie, she was throwing me some red hot heat.
PENELOPE:  Connie Merkelson is a gay lady.  But...thank you for taking Alex.  And actually, I have another favor to ask.
SCHNEIDER:  Okay, but with Connie, I think she might walk both sides of the street.  I'm gonna stay on the case.

(After Schneider demonstrates the pen technique)
SCHNEIDER:  Guess who just got a large latte for the price of a small?
PENELOPE:  I'm trying to buy a car, not impress a white girl with dreadlocks who likes flat asses.

(Reading Lydia's dance classes ad)
ELENA:  Experienced Latina will make your body do things you didn't know it could?  

Wednesday, March 07, 2018

English Words That Make Me Want To Burn Webster's Dictionary

Being someone who loves words and phrases and clauses, I suppose it only comes natural to me that I would gravitate towards writing as a hobby.

I'd really like to make it my source of sole income...but that's another story altogether.

With hundreds of thousands of words in the English language, there's no shortage of synonyms, homonyms, and antonyms to choose from.  And I have to say that in the case of 99.9% of all the words that exist in my vocabulary, I love using them whenever the opportunity presents itself.

(Though admittedly using the word antidisestablishmentarianism is a challenge in standard conversation.)

But much like any language in the world, there are some words that absolutely make me cringe.  And whenever possible, I try to avoid using them.  It doesn't always work that way - mainly because of the fact that I'll be devoting part of this blog to talking about the words of the English language that I don't like.

In some cases, it's because it's a tongue twister to say.  In some, it's because I hate how the word is used in (and out) of context, and in my most hated word in the English language...well, I'll wait for that one when I get to it.

And I suppose it goes without saying that derogatory, racist, sexist, and homophobic words are excluded from this list because they are ugly enough without me having to talk about them.  Which I won't do because I don't like posting garbage like that in this space.

So, what words do I find myself cringing at?  Here's my list of nominees.



BAE

Seriously, if you're calling your sweetheart "bae", you need to find a better word.  In all seriousness, bae is actually an acronym for "before anything else", but most people who seem to be under the age of 20 use it to describe their significant other - which I find cringeworthy.  Besides, when you translate it into Dutch, it's reportedly means the same as a poop emoji.  Yeah, there's a lovely sentiment to share with the person you love.



SNOWFLAKE

You know what?  I don't have an issue with the word snowflake in the traditional sense.  After all, snowflakes are beautiful and unique.  But when you have people who use the word to describe a person who doesn't agree with their political points of view, it's become incredibly overused, and frankly, it's made me cringe whenever I see the word.

Oh, and one more note.  Even though it seems to be mostly conservatives that use this term to describe liberals, I find that there are just as many snowflake conservatives as well.  Tomi Lahren, I'm looking at you.



MOIST

Seriously, is there ANYONE who likes this word?  It's very oddly spelled, it doesn't roll off the tongue very well, and it makes everything associated with it sound dirty.  Even SuperMoist cake mix.  And everyone knows that cake is the most heavenly dessert ever created.

Well, at least I'd like to think so.



ACTUALLY

Okay, so I have a love-hate relationship with the word "actually".  It's a word that I find myself using way more than I should, and it has taken a conscious effort on my part to not use it.  It has sometimes failed on my regard, and I'm sure that if you look through the archives of this blog, you'll see me use that word a lot in my early entries.  But then I think of how annoyed I get when I hear people use it in conversation and how often other writers use it in their articles and it's enough of a deterrent to not use the word again.



And if that doesn't work, there's this clip from "America's Next Top Model".

And now, the one word that I hate the most.  More than bae, snowflake, moist, and actually.  And it's a word that many probably might be surprised to learn that I hate so much.  But here's my least favourite word of all.
SYSTEM

I hate the system.



No, not THAT System.  I forgot how great of a tune "Don't Disturb This Groove" is!  That System can stay.

But when it comes to the word system, I hate it.  Not because of the word itself, but because of the way people use the word.

When something goes wrong in a person's life, they blame the system.  When a child is bullied and nothing ever gets done about it, they blame the system.  When paperwork gets lost at the hospital, or at a law office, or at a school, they blame the system.



To me, the word "system" is another word for scapegoat.  And to me, the word system is a convenient way for people to shirk personal responsibilities onto someone or something else to avoid taking on the challenge of fixing things or making life easier for everyone else.

I think it's gotten way too easy for politicians, CEO's, school board heads, insurance companies, and anyone else who likes to blame the system for their own shortcomings.  I think that in a lot of cases, the so-called "systems" get broken because of people within them abusing their power and/or authority and how they get away with it because nobody has the cojones to challenge them.  Whenever people cite the system as the reason why they can't...I want to scream at them to stop using the word system and to start using words like "proactive" and "responsibility".

Maybe then, the word system won't have such a dark meaning behind it.  And maybe then I won't dislike the word so much.

But again.  Those are merely my thoughts on the matter.  I want to hear from you.  What words make you want to burn your dictionaries?  Let me have them in the comments section!

Friday, March 02, 2018

Recapping One Day at a Time - Episode 5 - Strays

Well, I'm finally back after a couple of weeks of hiatus.  It was totally unplanned, of course.  I got hit hard with that cold/flu bug that has been going around and it knocked me off my feet.  I actually took my first sick day in two and a half years!  I'm still not 100% over it, as I have a wicked cough that refuses to die no matter how many cough drops I choke down.

So, as a result, I'm posting Episode 5 of Recapping One Day at a Time a week late.  I may end up doing two of these next week as I have some vacation time coming up to catch up.  We'll see what happens with that when it gets here.  For now, let's jump right in with today's episode entitled "Strays".  And, no...there are no cats or dogs in this one.



But we do see Elena and Carmen on the Alvarez family sofa draped in what appears to be a Snuggie for two.  Ah...remember the Snuggie?  I never owned one, but they seemed to be all the rage five years ago.  Penelope comes in and sees both of them huddled on the sofa and Elena explains that they are just taking a break from their big immigration project.  It appears as though Carmen is staying for dinner, as Lydia is already preparing the meal.  Oh, and Schneider is around as well and he too is staying which prompts Penelope to make the remark about how they are taking strays in.  Ah, so there's the origin of the title, though I feel there is more to it than that.



Carmen and Elena then ask if Carmen can sleep overnight, and when Elena remarks that Carmen just shares a bed with her, it causes Lydia to comment on how weird it is.  Now, having seen the season in advance, I can tell you that there is a little bit of foreshadowing to come with this little scene, but I will not spoil it for you yet.  Either way, Penelope doesn't see anything wrong with it.



Besides, when your landlord pops out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, suffice to say that your 14-year-old daughter sharing a room with her best friend seems a little less bizarre.  Just putting it out there.

Anyway, after the rousing chorus sung by Gloria Estefan, we are at Penelope's workplace where it's Dr. B.'s birthday!  How exciting!  It seems as though Penelope has everything planned.  With assistance from Lori and Scott, they will have a birthday celebration that Dr. B. will never forget.



Only Lori forgot to pick up the balloons.  And Scott forgot to pick up the cake.  And poor Penelope forgot to finish hanging up the banner because when Dr. B. comes in, the banner reads "Y BIRTHDAY".  Given that poor Dr. B. has not been having a great birthday (it seems that everyone forgot it including his daughter who just called him for his Netflix password which ironically enough are the numbers that form his date of birth), it's just one more candle that refuses to be lit.  Of course, Penelope feels so bad that she decides that she will throw a birthday party for Dr. B. at her place tonight.  Hmmm...I wonder how this will effect the plans that Elena and Carmen have made for their sleepover?



Back at the apartment, Penelope and Lydia are hastily putting together a birthday party for Dr. B.  Lydia is making dinner and the birthday cake, while Penelope is putting out paper plates that read out "It's a Boy".  Yeah, I can see that they wasted no time in ironing out every detail. 



Another side plot of the episode is that Alex is selling chocolate bars for the school fundraising drive, and initially Penelope is thinking that having Alex sell them at the party is tacky...until she realizes that the party guests include Scott and Lori and tells Alex to strike while the iron is hot!  Ah, what the heck...anything to help the school get new equipment, right?



It also appears as though the sleepover is off, at least as far as Penelope is concerned.  And while Carmen seems okay with it, Elena is furious and actually backtalks Penelope.  Oh, that's not going to fly. 



Sure enough, Penelope essentially tells Elena to lose the attitude and to be on her best behaviour for Dr. B.'s party where she is expected to stay for the whole party and where she will be expected to be enjoying herself.  So, Elena and Carmen bid each other farewell with a giant hug leaving Penelope looking very confused.  I have to agree.  I mean, it's like they're hugging as if they will never see each other again.  I wonder why?



Oh, and Schneider brings over a centerpiece that looks as if it was stolen from a gravesite.  Yeah, nothing says happy birthday quite like a floral arrangement symbolizing death.  Though, in real life, Stephen Tobolowsky is 66 years old, so I'd say he's holding his age quite nicely.



Dr. B. has arrived for his party along with Lori and Scott, and as Dr. B. explains, they are his friends for the evening as he picked them up and they have no way to get back home again.  Yeah, guilt them into coming.  That's a great way to say happy birthday.  It appears as though this is the first time that Dr. B. at least has met Lydia as she appears to be flirting with him a bit.  Though the actual conversation that they have is filled with a lot of laughs and I will recap it at the end of this entry in my best lines section because it really is hilarious.  But we also learn that Dr. B.'s real name is Leslie Berkowitz.  I'll still refer to him as Dr. B. though, as it's easier to type.



Alex tries to sell chocolate bars to the good doctor, but somehow he's not interested.  And Penelope is trying to get Elena to be more warm and more delightful towards Dr. B., but let's face it.  Elena's fourteen.  And I know when I was fourteen, I wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine - especially when I didn't get my own way!  At least I can admit to that now!



Despite Elena's bad attitude, the party does seem to be going off without a hitch.  Everyone is having a delightful time as Dr. B. tells them all a personal story about how he mistook a urine sample for apple juice.  And as I try to mentally scrub the image of Dr. B. swigging down a hot glass of pee from my brain, I try to look at the screen for something else to happen.



Oh, a drunken Lori trying to hit on Schneider.  Yeah, you know what.  Let's go with that.  At least Lori agrees to buy five chocolate bars from Alex during this whole exchange.  So, at least Alex is doing well.  You know, come to think of it, between Alex, Schneider, Scott, and Dr. B., Alex may very well have the highest IQ of them all!



When it comes time to serve the cake, another hilarious scene (which I will definitely recap in the best lines section of the blog) occurs when Lydia starts singing "Happy Birthday" to Dr. B. in the style of Marilyn Monroe.  Between Lydia's diva attitude where only she sings, her thick accent, and the goofy grin on Dr. B.'s face, it's a very funny part of the episode.  There are quite a lot of laugh out loud moments in this whole episode.



Such as the moment in which Penelope goes into the kitchen and we see that Carmen is basically hanging outside on the fire escape!  I'm guessing that Elena is going to be in a bit of trouble if anyone points it out.



Oh, good old drunken Lori.  You can always count on her to announce everything - much to Elena's chagrin.



So once Penelope catches Carmen outside, she drags Elena away from the table and proceeds to yell at her for disobeying her and now orders Elena to tell Carmen to leave.  Elena insists that there is no way she can do that, but Penelope tells her that she has no choice.  After the party is over, Elena has to force Carmen to go back home.  You know, Elena seems awfully defensive about this - especially when she tells Penelope that she really has to have Carmen stay so that they can work on their immigration project.  Unless the project is worth 95% of the final grade, I don't understand why Elena is so anal about it.  Oh, but we will find out very shortly.  I'd say within the next seven minutes, anyway.



Anyway, when Penelope explains what has been going on, it actually triggers a discussion on immigration policies, and it is here that Schneider drops a bit of a bombshell.  He's actually an illegal immigrant!  Okay, so technically he came to the country from Canada on a student visa, but still...he never really went through the channels to become a proper American citizen.  I don't know.  Given how inept Schneider can be, I should be offended that he's written as being Canadian (especially with the stereotypical jokes that Norman Lear has slipped in at Canada's expense).  But I love Norman Lear so much that I will totally let it slide.  Besides, Todd Grinnell did a great job with Schneider 2.0.



I also like the fact that the episode also features differing points of view without people getting overly nasty with each other.  Scott, for instance, is all for immigration as long as it is done legally - which I completely agree with him on that point.  But then he goes into his typical snake oil persona and adds that the country is too full as it is, and therefore all the undocumented people should be forced out of the country.  Penelope, on the other hand, argues that for some of the illegal immigrants, they fled situations that were beyond their control (war, for instance), and they wanted to have the chance to have the life that they always dreamed of for themselves and their families.  It's a passionate argument that seems to get everyone's attention...especially Elena's.  In fact, it prompts Elena to want to speak to her mother in private.  It is here that we get the major bombshell of the episode.  The one which explains the title of the episode - Strays.  It seems as though the reason why Elena was so defensive about Carmen is because Carmen doesn't have a home to go to any longer.  Her parents have been deported!  Now this explains a lot.  It explains why Carmen has been around so much, and why Elena is so protective of her.  Penelope realizes the situation is serious, and has to come up with a solution, but before she does that, she must find a way to end the party.



Well, I suppose Lori passing out on Schneider's lap is a good excuse. 



After the guests have all left (and after Lori threw up in the hallway), Penelope and Lydia talk to Carmen and Elena about what happened.  The story goes that Carmen's parents crossed the border into the United States from Mexico before Carmen was born - therefore, Carmen is an American citizen, but her parents were not.  Carmen's father got sick, and they were on their way to meet up with a doctor who treated undocumented residents.  But on their way to the clinic, they were caught, detained, and deported back to Mexico.  Carmen's been on her own since, and Elena has been using an immigration project to keep Carmen at their place until they figure out what to do.  The charade has been going for two weeks, and I think to myself...wow.  The truth is that this is a real issue that is facing thousands of people in the United States, if not millions.  Many people are so desperate to try and better their lives and get new opportunities that they will do whatever it takes to make it happen, even though the methods might not be the proper way.  Of course, we know that the proper way can take years to achieve, and sorry to say that with the current administration in the White House, a lot of families are being split up because of this.  And poor Carmen is an innocent victim of this.

Now, Carmen does have a way out.  She does have a brother who is also American-born, and Carmen can stay with him.  The problem is that he lives in Austin, Texas - which is halfway across the country from Echo Park, California.  Which essentially means that Carmen and Elena will have no choice but to say goodbye to each other.  As much as it pains Elena, Penelope does convince Carmen to make the right choice and move to Texas.



Elena is very upset about this, and cries that she can't believe that they sent her parents home.  But Penelope corrects her and says that they sent them away.  It really is a heartbreaking episode, and there really is no happy ending to be found.  But alas, it is a subject that is a hot button issue in 2018, and kudos to Norman Lear and the cast of "One Day at a Time" for telling the story so sensitively.



It's time for Carmen to leave, and naturally, the Alvarez family is very sad to see her go.  But they provide a few going away gifts for her.  Lydia gives her a warm hug and a farewell.  Penelope gives Carmen her old duffel bag filled with some essentials and some cash to help her get started in Austin.  Aw, it's nice to see Penelope and Carmen getting so close considering that Penelope was a little afraid of her when she was first introduced in Episode 3!  Schneider is taking Carmen to the airport and he has purchased her ticket to Austin, which was very nice of him. 



And Alex gives Carmen some free chocolate - the same bars that a drunken Lori forgot to take home with her!  Well, I guess it's the thought that counts. 



So, Elena and Carmen hug each other one last time, and Elena breaks down in tears as she says goodbye to her best friend - perhaps for the last time.  And then she joins Penelope and Lydia in a final group hug, putting the close on a very good, yet very emotional episode.  If this is what it is like after the first five episodes, I can only imagine what the last eight of season one will be like!

Now comes the time for the most memorable funny quotes from the episode.  There certainly are a lot to pick from.  Here are my favourites.

SCOTT:  You know what's weird?  The bakery where you told me to pick up the cake?  I was there getting coffee this morning!
PENELOPE:  Okay, this?  This right here is why we have two stars on Yelp.

ELENA:  No, no, no.  It's not fine.  She has to stay.  This isn't fair!
PENELOPE:  She's been here most of the week.  Can she only survive in this apartment's atmosphere?

LYDIA:  Happy birthday, Dr. Berkowitz!
DR. B.:  Oh, please, call me Leslie.
LYDIA:  Why would I do that?  That is a woman's name.
DR. B:  It is also my name.
LYDIA:  Uh, that's too bad.

LYDIA:  (singing)  Happy birthday to you!
SCOTT:  Did she just say "To Jew"?
DR. B.:  Doesn't matter.  It works both ways!

SCOTT:  So, you're an illegal alien?
SCHNEIDER:  Well, we prefer undocumented.  But, yeah.  Born in the 'Couve, overstayed my student visa, forced to live in the shadows of Pepperdine University.  Took me a while to get rid of the accent, but now I can say I am sorry about that.
PENELOPE:  Wow.  You must have been very brave, Schneider, coming here with everything.  Knowing only the entire language and struggling to unlearn the metric system.
SCHNEIDER:  I sense a litre of sarcasm.

Join us next time when we see Penelope buy some new wheels...and have some fond, yet painful memories of the old ones.