Last week on Jem: Reviewed, we watched Starlight House go up in flames. Then we watched the mansion that Jerrica and
the others move into get blown up. And
now thanks to the Misfits, Jem is about to crash into a giant oil tanker! Wow, is it just me, or was Jem really having
a bad day?
Let's
continue the story with Episode 3: Kimber's Rebellion. Gee, I
wonder who the main focus of this episode is?
Well,
we won't know for sure because the Countess Danielle DuVoisin's yacht is about
ready to re-enact the sinking of the Titanic!
Whatever will they do?
What? You wouldn't think that one of the richest
women in the world wouldn't have a crew onboard who know how to steer a
boat? How silly you are! The ship's captain and several other crew
members find a way into the control room and violently jerk the wheel in an
effort to steer the ship off course from the oil tanker's path. Of
course, this wrecks the party inside sending guests sliding into the walls like
they did in the 1972 film "The Poseidon Adventure", but eh, what's a
little collateral damage between friends?
The
sharp turns nearly causes Jem to fly over the side of the yacht, but Rio - who
seemingly has the muscles of Arnold Schwarzenegger underneath that lanky
exterior - manages to hold onto her as the ship escapes harm's way.
It's
here that Jem tries to kiss Rio for saving her life, but Rio rebuffs her,
saying that he can't fall in love with her because he's in love with
Jerrica. Oh, please don't tell me this
goes on the rest of the series...please don't.
Naturally
Jem and Rio are interrupted by the rest of the Holograms who go out on the deck
to check on the waterlogged couple.
While this is going on, the Misfits pull up in a motorboat to egg on the
band before they speed off gorging their faces with the food they stole while
singing "Makin' Mischief".
But
who cares about the fact that they almost died and the people in charge are
getting away with it? This is Jem and
the Holograms, not "Miami Vice"!
They have a music video to film!
And what better place to film it than in beautiful Paris, Ontario Texas
France! The city of lights!
Which
leads to the question...if the Holograms are going to Paris with Anthony
Julien, who is looking after the Starlight Girls? I suppose Mrs. Bailey would be the logical choice, but after
trying to take care of twelve girls between the ages of 8 and 14, I'm surprised
she hasn't lost her mind!
Especially
with Ashley as part of your crew.
True
to her word though, Ashley proudly holds up the thirty bucks she promised she'd
get for the Honor Jar. She conveniently
leaves out the fact that she got it by letting three bad girls onto the
property that may or may not have been responsible for destroying a portion of
their new home, but damn it, she earned that money!
But
Little Miss Lela - the warden of the girls - won't accept the money until
Ashley explains how she earned the money saying that how she earned it is just
as important as the money itself, and blah blah blah. Honestly, I don't blame Ashley for going off on Lela and the rest
of the girls. It's like she's the
outsider trying to do everything to fit in, but nobody else will let her have a
shot. And while I don't condone Ashley
trying to steal money from the jar in the first place, I also don't condone
making it so hard to fit into a new place that they make someone lash out with
negativity either. It's just one of the
little things like how Ashley is treated by the other girls that makes this
episode not that enjoyable.
And,
where are Jem and the others when this is going on? Rehearsing for their new song?
Look, I get that you're trying to win the contest so that you can keep
the house that the wimpy Howard Sands is letting you stay in temporarily
because he's too afraid to say no to Pizzazz.
But seriously, you have a crisis with your foster girls! I think that has to be a top priority too!
We
also pop in on The Misfits laying down demo tracks for their album as well -
and enjoy it while you can because this episode has no Misfits music whatsoever. Major bummer, man. But we do learn one important secret from Eric when Pizzazz starts whining about whatever it is that diva rock singers whine about. He's been embezzling funds from Starlight Music since the death of Jerrica and Kimber's father to promote the Misfits! Whoa! Now that's a bombshell. I wonder if this will have any impact on future episodes...
Anyway, while we don't hear any Misfits music in this episode, we will see more of Eric's idiotic henchman, Zipper, who once again is paid by
Eric to sabotage Jem's video shoot. At
the rate we're going, I half expect Zipper to knock over the Eiffel Tower with
a scissor lift, but let's see how this plays out.
Before
you know it, we're live in Paris and Anthony Julien is showing Jem the
choreography for the video shoot. In
the background, Kimber is seething, and we soon learn why. Seems like little sister Kimber is jealous
of big sister Jerrica/Jem getting all of the attention and she becomes so angry
that she takes a walk to cool down, nearly getting abducted by Zipper in the
process.
Rio
manages to get to Kimber before this happens and Rio wonders what is up with
her. In Kimber's anger, she almost
reveals that Jem is really Jerrica, but Aja and Shana stop her before she gets
the chance, with both of them reminding her that it is Jerrica's secret to
tell, not hers. Oh, sweet Jesus, at
this rate, it'll be at the old folks home before the secret is revealed.
Sigh...you
know what, let's just watch the video.
Okay,
two things about "Twilight In Paris". First, this video would be an absolutely brilliant concept if
this were filmed with real people. For
an animated cartoon, this video is visually stunning. Second, I kept thinking that Jem was singing "I visit
Walmart, but I'm lost in a dream", when she's actually singing about
Montmartre. Silly, right? As if Jem'd ever be caught inside of a
Walmart! Though, seeing how bad the
fashion is, she might make it on that People of Walmart website one of these
days.
On
the final shot of the video, when the girls are posing in front of a building,
Zipper is taking a crowbar to one of the gargoyle statues up above. See, Zipper thinks that the only way to take
care of the video shoot is to crush Jem and the Holograms to death. Seriously, where the hell did Eric find this
guy? The Serial Killer Store?
Fortunately
in addition to murder plots, Zipper is horrible at physics, because his
gargoyle misses the girls and Rio pushes them out of the way before they become
Jem and the Pancakes. Aja gets a
glimpse of Zipper as he's escaping, but he's too fast and up too high for them
to do anything about it.
Back
in California (where Jem and the Holograms live), Ashley decides that if the
Starlight Girls won't want her, she'll be better off as a Misfit, and somehow
she finds out where the Misfits hang out even though there were no smartphones,
GPS's or even Google Maps back in 1985.
See, Ashley's no moron. She's
very street smart. And upon hearing
that Ashley has decided to leave the Starlight Girls behind, Pizzazz, Roxy, and
Stormer happily welcome her aboard, toasting her with a round of...milk? Well, I suppose Ashley is underage. And milk does a body good. And Misfits with milk moustaches are kind of
sexy. But, for Ashley to truly show
that she is a Misfit at heart, she'll have to prove herself.
While Ashley is learning how to do this, Jem and the Holograms are arriving
back home where the Countess is talking about how she's come up with a new line
of Jem fashions. Of course, Kimber
angrily pouts that the Holograms are part of the band too, and Danielle insists
that all of them will be a part of the new fashion line. Once again, Kimber is seething.
And
when they start to drive home, they notice that The Misfits (and Ashley) have
plastered Misfits posters all over the place, while tearing down and destroying
all Jem memorabilia. There's no way
they'll stand for this, and they start to sing a very powerful song about
standing up for themselves...
...or,
they'll sing a light fluffy pop song called "Getting Down To
Business". Whatever the case,
Kimber's fury now is directed towards the Misfits, and she arranges a meeting
with Eric Raymond at Starlight Music to tell him a thing or two.
Of
course, Eric - who worked with Jerrica and Kimber's dad for years - knows
exactly what buttons to push. And Eric
tells Kimber that Jem is taking over all the attention and that she should
consider breaking out on her own if she ever wants to get noticed.
No
sooner do Jerrica and the others arrive home from putting up posters of their
own that they get a call from Lindsey Pearce.
She has an opening on her video show and she wants to know if Jem would
be interested in giving an interview that day to promote the Battle of the
Bands contest and to introduce themselves to their new fans. There's just one catch. Jem is the only one they want to
interview. Gee, I wonder how that will
resonate with Kimber?
Not
well.
Yep. Kimber proves how immature she is by
quitting the band, stealing the Jem car and speeding off the mansion property,
leaving Jerrica, Aja, and Shana in shock.
And Jerrica quickly realizes that even though Kimber is being a brat,
she's her brat, and she wants to find a way to convince Kimber to come back to
the band so that they can take down the Misfits and be as relevant as Madonna
one day.
Or,
at the very least, take down the Misfits.
The
first thing Jerrica does is call Lindsey back and demand that she features all
of the band, which Lindsey doesn't seem to mind. I get the feeling that if Lindsey likes someone, she'll bend over
backwards to please them. Then Jerrica
comes up with the idea to go on the air of Kimber's favourite radio station to
send her a message, hoping she'll listen to it.
Of
course, if Jerrica Benton were to go barging into a radio station and demand
that she be heard, she'd be escorted out of the building by a couple of
security guards. But as Jem...well,
let's face it. She's not exactly well
known and in all honesty she should get the same treatment. But since this is a cartoon, anything goes,
and Jem manages to record her message to Kimber, telling her how much they love
her even though her jealousy is totally ridiculous and outrageous.
(Okay,
I made that last part up.)
Whatever
the case, the message came through and Kimber rejoins the band with ten minutes
to spare.
Of
course, on the way to the television studio where Lindsey films her show, Rio
once again has a talk with Jerrica and questions his feelings for her and Jem
and honestly at this point I am too distracted by that thing that Jerrica is
wearing on her head to care. Bad 80s
fashion alert!
Of
course, Jem and the Holograms being on Lindsey's show has caught the attention
of everyone in the area, and when the Misfits get wind of it, they make it a
mission to hijack the show and take over.
But in order to do that, they need to give a special mission to the
newest Misfit groupie.
Mind
you, all Ashley does is insult and kick the security guard, but hey...she's
12. She hasn't had the time to plot a
scheme with Inspector Gadget technology yet.
Meanwhile,
Jerrica tells Synergy it's showtime, and we get the third of three Jem and the
Holograms songs featured in this episode.
Wow. This is a first. A Jem and the Holograms song that I really enjoy. There's something sultry about "I've
Got My Eye On You", and Britta Phillips, who does all the singing for Jem
really delivers on this track. I don't
even care that Rio's in this video at all.
And,
I suppose this is a good time to produce some "Jem"
Trivia
here. It's probably universally known
in the Jem world, but just as Jem has two different personalities, she also has
two different voice actors. I mentioned
that Jem's singing voice is done by Britta Phillips, but her speaking voice is
delivered by Samantha Newark - who was in her late teens when she was cast as
Jem! Impressive! And who knew there was such a thing as a JemCon?!? The things you learn doing research for a blog, eh?
The
band sits down for their interview just as Ashley is distracting the security
guard, and Pizzazz, Roxy, and Stormer manage to sneak onto the set. I'd have thought that MTV would have had
better security in place than one chubby guy, but whatever. We can't have a cartoon without conflict.
And
certainly the Misfits like to stir it up.
Pizzazz interrupts Jem and Lindsey to talk about how wonderful they are,
while Roxy and Stormer exert such force to sit on Lindsey's couch that poor
Kimber gets flung on the floor. Jem
responds with as much class as she can muster and insults Pizzazz without flat
out calling her a mealy mouthed bitch who takes her fashion cues from Wilma
Flintstone. Because let's face it. That's what Jem's really thinking.
At
this point Lindsey is fed up with them all and cuts to a commercial. During the break, Lindsey informs the
Misfits that any chance of them having an interview is now over and instructs
security to throw them off her set immediately.
The
Misfits reluctantly oblige, though Pizzazz actually backhands Lindsey on her
way out! Yeah, I'm sure that'll get
your ban from her show lifted!
Oh,
and I should mention that we're going to be introduced to one reason why
Pizzazz can't stand Jem or Jerrica.
Seems as though she has a little crush on Rio, and she basically tries
to throw herself over him as he escorts her out of the building. But Rio essentially tells Pizzazz to go to
hell, so Pizzazz shoves him down right into the path of some electronic
equipment. The wall of electronics
collapses into another, and we have a domino effect of expensive equipment
being destroyed.
And
poor Jem is right in the middle of the disaster as the dreaded TO BE CONTINUED
flashes across the screen.
What
happens next? Will Jem be crushed,
zapped, fried, or rescued by Rio?
(Spoiler alert: One of these
actually happens). How long is
Jem/Jerrica expected to use deception with Rio? What happens when Ashley gets caught up in one of the Misfits'
evil plots? And what happens when
someone gets a little too close to Synergy?
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