Jem Reviewed: Season 1 Recap

Season one of Jem Reviewed is now completed!  And, that means that it's time for me to do my recap of the whole season!  In this special look back, I'll do a character analysis of each of the main characters, I'll post my list of favourite songs by both Jem and the Holograms and the Misfits, and I'll tell you my favourite episodes and least favourite episodes.

But before we do that, I want to give you all a chance to read all 26 reviews of season one, just in case you missed one, or two, or all twenty-six.  Click on the links, and it will take you to the specific Jem Reviewed entry.

03/25/16 - Episode 01: The Beginning
04/01/16 - Episode 02: Disaster
04/08/16 - Episode 03: Kimber's Rebellion

04/15/16 - Episode 04: Frame Up

04/22/16 - Episode 05: Battle of the Bands

04/29/16 - Episode 06: Starbright - Falling Star
05/06/16 - Episode 07: Starbright - Colliding Stars
05/13/16 - Episode 08: Starbright - Rising Star
05/20/16 - Episode 09: The World Hunger Shindig
05/27/16 - Episode 10: Adventure in China
06/03/16 - Episode 11: Last Resorts
06/10/16 - Episode 12: In Stitches

06/17/16 - Episode 13: The Music Awards - Part 1
06/24/16 - Episode 14: The Music Awards - Part 2

07/01/16 - Episode 15: The Rock Fashion Book

07/08/16 - Episode 16: Broadway Magic
07/15/16 - Episode 17: In Search of the Stolen Album
07/22/16 - Episode 18: Hot Time in Hawaii

07/29/16 - Episode 19: The Princess and the Singer
08/05/16 - Episode 20: Island of Deception
08/12/16 - Episode 21: Old Meets New
08/19/16 - Episode 22: Intrigue at the Indy 500
08/26/16 - Episode 23: The Jem Jam - Part 1
09/02/16 - Episode 24: The Jem Jam - Part 2
09/09/16 - Episode 25: Culture Clash
09/16/16 - Episode 26: Glitter and Gold

All right...so season one was basically an introductory season.  We got to meet both Jem and the Holograms, as well as the Misfits, and for the most part, I liked how each band was introduced.  Though, I have to say that the idea of the Holograms being good and pure while the Misfits were evil and tarnished was a bit much - especially since there were times when the white aura of the Holograms was dirtied up a bit.  Yeah, I'll say it.  There were times in which Jem and the Holograms acted more holier-than-thou than they really had reason to be, and I feel as though that they acted no better than the Misfits in a few instances.  But at the same time, the Misfits probably shouldn't have tried to kill Jem at various points in the show either - intentional or not.

Starting with the Holograms, I've made it no secret that Aja has been my favourite of season one.  I absolutely like how she seems to be the only one of the group with brains and common sense, and she always thinks things through before acting on impulse.  Aja's only flaw is that sometimes she is so determined to do the right thing that she can come across as being cold as ice - but deep down, you know Aja cares about her foster sisters and the other Starlight Girls.  And she's very much passionate about never forgetting where she came from.  The episode "Adventure in China" best shows this - and while it's an episode I'm not a fan of, it's not because of Aja.

I actually sort of like Shana in the first season as well, though like Aja, she's completely underused.  I do think the angle of making her the band's fashion designer is a good one - otherwise I fear that she'd have nothing to do.  Her best episode was probably "In Stitches", as you can tell how passionate she is about fashion - and how angry she can get when thrown in the Venice canals.  Shana's main flaw - aside from being invisible - is the fact that she isn't quite as grounded as Aja, and therefore finds herself in more dangerous situations.  But really, Shana's a good character this season - I like her better than the next one on the list.

Jem/Jerrica annoys me.  And, I shouldn't say that about the main character of the series, but she is easily the most confused person on this whole show.  And, I'm not talking about the swapping back and forth between Jem and Jerrica either.  I'm talking about the fact that she seems to hold a double standard when it comes to who she deals with.  She was against the Misfits cheating on that skiing race in "Last Resorts", but then she does some cheating herself in "Glitter and Gold".  And it's absolutely impossible for me to believe that in just one year, she's released albums, a motion picture, a rock fashion book, a Broadway musical, and won the Indianapolis 500.  And don't even get me started on her relationship with Rio either - a truly outrageous display of co-dependence, deception, and enablement if ever I saw one.  It's more dysfunctional than romantic, and it's honestly very cringeworthy.  But as much as Jem annoys me, there's someone else who I find even less tolerable.

Good lord, where do I even begin with Kimber?  If it weren't for the fact that there were so many single men in this series, Kimber would practice a life of celibacy.  Let's see how many people she's dated...there's Jeff Wright, there's Sean Harrison, there was that Swedish ski instructor she developed a crush on, not to mention the man she met in Hawaii, and her infatuation with Nick Mann, and Max Conley.  Let's face it, Kimber'll hit on any man with a pulse.  It's a wonder she hasn't tried to go out with Eric Raymond or tried to steal Rio away from Jem!  Okay, so Kimber's not completely irredeemable - she did save Bobby Bailey's house from being knocked down and she is a great musician.  But this show loves painting Kimber as the damsel in distress where she's nearly blown up on a movie set, kidnapped by royal guards, and thrown into an active volcano, and I hope that in season two, we see a stronger Kimber.  One that's not a floozy or says OUTRAGEOUS every other episode.

On the flipside is the Misfits, and I must say that there must be something about the colour blue because Stormer is my favourite Misfit as Aja is my favourite Hologram.  She may be Misfit in name, but deep down inside is a Hologram waiting to come out.  She's adorable, delightful, really cares about people, and tried to save Ashley when she defected to the Misfits in the first major plot of the series.  Mind you, Stormer isn't perfect.  It's hard to deny that she loves to make mischief like her bandmates and can come across as not the best role model in the world - but it also makes her one of the most intriguing and well-rounded characters in the whole series.  I hear that she grows even more during season two, and I am looking forward to it.

Surprisingly, Pizzazz is the Misfit that I like second best - and she would likely kill me if she were real and heard me say that about her.  I think what prevents her from being ranked higher than Stormer is the fact that she gets off on making others feel bad about themselves, and I don't really care for bullies that much.  At least when it comes to how she treats the Starlight Girls, for instance, or how she uses people to do what she wants, like in the Starbright three-parter.  When she uses that attitude on people like Eric Raymond who basically ask for it, then I cheer her on.  Pizzazz was in danger of being a total one-note character which almost made me rank her below Roxy - but her one saving grace was at the end of "The Music Awards" when she shattered her award after seeing the end of the benefit concert that Jem put on.  It definitely affected her more than we were meant to be let in on, and I think that in season 2, I'm just guessing we'll find out more about why she is the way she is.

I could also say the same about Roxy as well.  Something or someone must have hurt her in the past and she's deciding to lash out at the world because of it.  But whereas Stormer has a clear understanding between right and wrong, and Pizzazz has her moments, Roxy is at the point where she might just be a sociopath.  She doesn't show any emotion other than anger, she was the one who nearly blew Kimber up on the Starlight set, and she totally trashed Howard Sands' property by letting a bulldozer run loose (nearly killing Jerrica in the process).  That's why Roxy is my least favourite Misfit - at least for season one anyway.  But don't worry...I hate Eric even more than Roxy.

There's not much I can say about the male characters of Jem...Rio is wishy-washy and immature, Eric is a slimeball who needs to be hosed down, Zipper was dangerous and insane, and Techrat clearly has issues with society.  Really, the only sane male character on the show was Anthony Julien, and he only appears on like four episodes of the show. 

As for female supporting characters, I think Danse and Lindsey are the best of the lot.  Although Lindsey does show the Holograms preferential treatment, she's not above giving people second chances, or third, or fourth...how many times have the Misfits been kicked off her show?  And Danse is 100% class as far as I'm concerned.  She's like the polar opposite of Clash!  And, Video bores me to tears.  I hope she's not like this in Season 2.

So, what songs/videos did I love in Season 1 of Jem?  I have my list of Top 5 songs by both Jem and the Holograms and the Misfits!  Have a look, and see if you agree!

TOP 5 JEM SONGS OF SEASON 1 (PLUS ONE I HATE)

1.  When It's Only Me and the Music (Episode 13) - Maybe it has to do with Danse being the star of the video, but this song is absolutely beautiful and singer Britta Phillips certainly knows how to sing a ballad.  The video storyboarding is brilliant as well, and I can easily see this being a hit had this been a real video.

2.  I Got My Eye On You (Episode 3) - Jem's music didn't start getting interesting until episode three when this sexy and sultry single aired at the end.  And yes, while this song does feature Jem and Rio, I do love this song a lot, and think that they made the right choice singing it on their talk show debut.

3.  Can't Get My Love Together (Episode 16) - While I have to say that Episode 16 is one of my least favourite episodes of the series (which you'll find out why later on), this ballad which sends chills down my spine was a rare high point in that whole show.  I hate the fact that all the Jem songs I like have Rio in them though.

4.  Music is Magic (Episode 5) - Looking back on it, the video for this song isn't the greatest, but what saves it is Britta Phillips' incredible high note at the end.  Plus, the song's message is fantastic about how music makes everything better.  I completely agree with that sentiment.  Great song all around.

5.  Glitter and Gold (Episode 26) - Okay, so I have major issues with the ending of this episode, but the song "Glitter and Gold" certainly ushers out season one with a bang.  It's catchy, it's got a great hook, great imagery, and it's a solid hit.

But as mentioned, not all Jem songs I like.  In fact, "Deception" used in Episode 4 is a complete joke.  The arrangement is terrible, the lyrics are cheesy, and it essentially is a song chock filled with irony.  Sure, Jem hates putting on the deception with Rio, but does she do anything to stop it?  Nope.  She actually ENCOURAGES it!

As for Misfits songs I enjoyed?  Here's my TOP 5 MISFIT SONGS (PLUS ONE I HATE).

1.  Designing Woman (Episode 12) - "In Stitches" had a really decent setlist for music, but "Designing Woman" is easily the Misfits cream of the crop.  Aside from the sick beat and wonderful imagery, the song is actually a positive message one about not letting life pass you by and taking charge of your own destiny.  I absolutely love this one, and Ellen Bernfeld definitely takes charge with the vocals here!

2.  Makin' Mischief (Episode 2) - Right off the bat, I totally believed the theme song where the Misfits declared that their music was better.  For the most part, their rock songs ARE!  This was one of their first songs, and it's also quite a catchy number.  Okay, so the Misfits are at their complete worst in this one...but it's still entertaining.

3.  You Oughta See The View From Here (Episode 14) - When I first saw this video, I thought it would make a brilliant concept for a real life music video, and I still hold that claim.  The song itself is typical Misfits fare, but it's exciting, fresh, and definitely like nothing ever heard before.  It's very eighties, but very fresh at the same time.

4. Universal Appeal (Episode 6) - Pizzazz as the center of the universe.  Would we expect anything less?  In all seriousness, the song is fantastic and the visuals are quite good for a cartoon.  Definitely a song in my Top 5 for sure.

5.  It Takes A Lot To Survive (Episode 20) - I don't like a lot of the music from the last half of the season, but this song from "Island of Deception" has a great storyline and an awesome storyboard for the video.  And, having Jem almost get eaten by a crocodile was a nice touch.

There's actually not a lot of Misfits music I dislike, but one song I don't care for comes from Episode 18 - "We're The Misfits In Hawaii".  It's a total throwaway song that would likely get the Misfits banned from Hawaii for the next thirty years.  The animation sucks as well.

Finally, I'll close this post off by listing my five best and five worst episodes of Jem: Season 1, as well as a brief summary as to why.  Remember, you can access every single episode review up above.

FIVE EPISODES I LIKED

1. Episode 8 - Starbright: Rising Star - The whole arc was really very well done, but I single out the last part because we all learn a valuable lesson in how we treat other people.

2. Episode 14 - The Music Awards - Part 2 - Much like Starbright, this two-parter was also well done, but since I can only choose one episode, I choose the second part where we see a happy ending for most.

3. Episode 15 - The Rock Fashion Book - I didn't think a show about fashion would garner my interest, but I have very little nitpicking to do about this one.  It's almost perfection from start to finish.

4.  Episode 20 - Island of Deception - Okay, so there are some instances in which I cry foul, but overall I like the survival angle, and it showed that the Misfits and the Holograms really COULD get along...for a bit.

5. Episode 21 - Old Meets New - Saving the best for last, I absolutely love this one because it's heartwarming, semi-historical, and makes Kimber not look crazy!

FIVE EPISODES I HATED

1. Episode 10 - Adventure in China - Somehow losing a pair of earrings seems like a really stupid plot line - especially since Jerrica had several options to fix the problem.

2. Episode 16 - Broadway Magic - Bad plot, check.  Jerrica acting like a delusional jerk, check.  Countless spelling errors, check.

3. Episode 17 - In Search of the Stolen Album - Good idea, bad execution.  And it made Jem and the Holograms look like stupid mean girls.

4. Episode 19 - The Princess and the Singer - Another dumb doppelganger storyline made worse by the fact that Kimber was the subject.

5. Episode 22 - Intrigue at the Indy 500 - The only intrigue is how Jem could even get clearance to even drive the race car, let alone win.

So, that's a wrap on Season One!  Season Two begins Friday...only 39 more episodes to go...

Jem Reviewed: Episode 26 - Glitter and Gold

Well, here we are.  The final episode of season one of Jem Reviewed!  And after stopping a jewel smuggling ring last episode, it's time for the Holograms to relax a bit.  But for how long?  We'll find out in Episode 26 - Glitter and Gold.

And as we begin this episode, everybody seems to be at the mall!  Jerrica and Kimber Benton are there, Rio is there, Anthony Julien is there, and a new group that just signed a contract with Starlight Music is there called the 5th Avenue Boys.  Really, they look like what would happen if Bryan Adams, Rick Astley, and that red haired guy from the Thompson Twins formed a group, but they appear to be the hottest new act at the record company.  Which is good considering that according to this episode, Jem hasn't released any new music in what seems like seventeen years or so.

Kimber is holding up a magazine that has all of the chart listings for that week, and it looks like the Misfits have the #1 song of the week, which Jerrica just shrugs her shoulder and says that she doesn't care.  Sounds like someone needs a coffee!  But Kimber does care, and she mentions the fact that the Glitter and Gold Contest is coming up and they need to start making music again, but Jerrica bitterly tells Kimber that she doesn't want to talk about Jem.  Whoa!  Where is this coming from?

Thankfully, Rio interrups the fight between the Benton siblings and introduces Kimber to his photographer friend, Max Conley.  Because as we know, Kimber will hit on anything that has a pulse and washboard abs.  But luckily, Max seems to find Kimber attractive and charming, and Kimber finds him gorgeous and exciting, and before you know it, they've made a date for this coming Saturday at 6:00.  Wow, that might be a new record for Kimber.  She at least waited five minutes before going out with that guy from Hawaii.

Rio then picks up the same magazine that Kimber was looking at and mentions to Jerrica that there's an article about Jem.  Jerrica reads the article which basically insinuates that Jem has disappeared from the music scene and they speculate what happened and whether she had the musical chops to sustain a long-lasting career.  Jerrica gets even angrier at Rio, throws the magazine in the garbage can, and basically says something along the lines of "DIE, JEM, DIE!".  I'm thinking Jerrica should avoid the coffee made with the bitter roast.  But why is Jerrica so anti-Jem all of a sudden?

Well, we won't find out just yet as Kimber is accosted by a man on a motorcycle!  Why, look!  It's Kimber's old flame from the Starbright Movie, Jeff Wright...and he's a brunette now.  I'm guessing he must be Tom Cruise's stunt double now.  The funny thing is that Kimber goes on a ride with him even though she just made a date with Max two minutes ago.  See, Kimber...this is why people think you're easy.

Across town at a record store (remember when those existed) called Diskovery Records, the Misfits arrive to great fanfare.  After all, their song is #1 on Casey Kasem's American Top 40.  But they aren't here to sign autographs.  They're here to take part in the Glitter and Gold Contest.  And luckily, we have the CEO/owner of the Diskovery Records chain, Owen Beach with us to explain the contest rules.

The Glitter and Gold contest pits two high-profile groups against each other in a race to see which group can sell 500,000 copies of their latest album all across the United States.  

Each Diskovery Records store will be keeping track of the sales of each record, and the first group to reach that magic number will win the grand prize which includes a trophy and a brand new car!

The Misfits have already tossed their name into the hat, but in order to have a contest, they need another group to compete against.  One of the press members suggests that they battle Jem and the Holograms which prompts a response by Stormer of "Jem, who?".  Wow, that's kind of catty, even for a cream puff like Stormer.  Then again, she does hang around Pizzazz and Roxy a lot.  Besides, Pizzazz responds to the question by tooting the Misfits own horn by singing the song that I'm assuming is their chart-topper.

I have to say, "How Does It Feel" is certainly a song that celebrates popularity, winning, star power...basically it's a Pizzazz anthem if ever there was one.

And while the Misfits are celebrating their success at the record store, Jeff drops Kimber off at Starlight Mansion where Kimber tells Jeff that she'll see him Saturday at 6:00.  Hmm...where have I heard that before?

Jerrica is having a conversation with Synergy about what has been happening, and it seems as though we know what is bugging her.  With Jem becoming so popular and everyone wanting to know all about her, Jerrica thinks she might be starting to get jealous of her alter ego.  And even though Synergy has warned her about telling people from the outside about her existence (even though two people from Morvania already know), Jerrica contemplates finally telling Rio the truth.  She asks Synergy to project a hologram of Rio, inserting as much of Rio's personality into it as possible so that she can find out how he'll react.  I'm questioning how Synergy could even know so much about someone she hasn't met yet, but nevertheless, Synergy does what Jerrica asks.

Jerrica then tells the Rio hologram that she is really Jem and transforms into her Jem persona quicker than you can say "Showtime, Synergy!".  And just like that, Hologram Rio burns with anger faster than you can say "I hate liars, and I hate deception and I never want to see you again." 

Seriously.  That's what Hologram Rio says.  And Jerrica is so frightened that she tells Synergy to remove the hologram.  Synergy tells Jerrica that this was merely a test, but Jerrica believes that Rio wouldn't react like that and vows to tell him once and for all.  Why do I get the feeling that Rio's going to come by, say...Saturday at 6:00?

It must be, as Jeff arrives first to pick Kimber up.  Kimber isn't quite ready yet, so she asks Jeff to wait in a side room.  A few seconds later, Rio arrives and is greeted warmly by Jerrica, though you know that her knees are knocking a mile a minute.

A few seconds after that, Max Conley arrives, and Aja shows him into the same room that Jeff is waiting in.  Uh-oh.  Aja then informs Kimber that Max is waiting for him, which Kimber responds that Jeff is waiting, not Max, to which Aja replies, Max is here you stupid bitch.  Okay, not even Aja is that cold to say that, but Kimber's having her own Uh-oh moment.  What is it with red-haired cartoon characters making two different dates at the same time?  Is Kimber related to Archie Andrews or something?

As predicted, Max and Jeff get into a physical altercation - which amusingly is ignored by Jerrica and Rio outside as Jerrica is figuring out how to tell Rio that she's really Jem. 

Kimber and Aja run into the room to try and explain things, but they arrive too late and Kimber screams in horror as Jeff and Max sail through the window of the room while wrestling each other for the love of Kimber.  For the love of Kimber, can we just end this part of the story? 

Unsurprisingly, Jeff and Max crash through the wall of the patio where Rio and Jerrica are seated, and with help from Rio break the two men apart.  But as far as Max and Jeff are concerned, Kimber is a two-bit...well, you know, and leave our flame haired vixen with a double broken heart.

To make matters worse, Rio goes off on a tirade towards Kimber and spouts off the very same speech about liars and deception that Synergy projected with the Rio hologram.  Damn, maybe Synergy really is that good at reading people!  Rio is so angry with Kimber that Kimber runs away bawling, Aja runs away to comfort Kimber, and Jerrica runs towards Rio and calls him a jerk for how he treated Kimber!  As much as I poke fun at Kimber, she really didn't deserve Rio's outburst.

And because of Rio's outburst, Jerrica decides that now is not the best time to tell him that she's really Jem, which causes Rio to get even angrier.  I believe he leaves Starlight Mansion by kicking a potted plant onto the ground which shows his "maturity", leaving Jerrica in tears and the viewer wondering how Jerrica can even tolerate Rio being her apparent "one and only".  Rio's a complete ass in this episode, and honestly as much fun as I poke at Jem/Jerrica, she deserves much better than him.

But the fight with Rio seems to have sparked a fire within Jerrica's belly.  Well, that, plus she overhears Eric telling the people at Diskovery Records that he thinks Jerrica destroyed Jem's career.  Because of that outburst, Jem and the Holograms declare that they will be entering the contest and that they will have a new album ready before the contest begins the next day.  Um, Jerrica, you do realize that you have 24 hours to put together a record of at least eight songs which will be next to impossible given that your sound engineer boyfriend is too busy kicking topiaries from here to La Cienega Boulevard?  

Oh, wait...it's Jerrica that Rio's mad at, not Jem.  Sigh...just when I begin to feel sorry for Jerrica, she enables the situation by sweet-talking Rio as Jem.  You know, maybe they really DO deserve each other.  But we have no time to examine the unhealthy relationship between Jerrica Benton and Rio Pacheco.  The band needs eight songs, a new image, and a whole new look!  And what better look than the one that the contest is named after?

Okay, I have to say this...the song "Glitter and Gold" is an absolute masterpiece - despite the lame dancing from Jem and Rio - and really sets the tone for the end of season one and the beginning of season two.  And in this edition of Jem Trivia, you might notice that people's appearances start changing a bit, such as Jem's eye makeup going from pink to gold to purple.  That was to make the characters look more like the Glitter and Gold doll line released in 1987.  There's one more character that appears at the end of the episode who was also changed to match their doll counterpart, but I'll wait until she appears before I say who it is.

While the band is in the recording studio, we get the first (of many) instances of cheating within the contest.  Eric Raymond arrives at a seedy nightclub called "Flipside" where he's bribing a nasty looking group called "The Skulls" with money and a recording contract with Misfits Music if they'll sabotage the Jem album.  Oh, Eric...how I DIDN'T miss your smarmy face.

Somehow, Jem and the Holograms have recorded an album, made 500,000 copies of the album for distribution, and Jerrica is loading the last of the boxes into a van.  Rio offers to help Jerrica, but Jerrica bitterly snaps at him, still sore over the plant kicking incident.  I told her to avoid the bitter roast!

Turns out that Rio might have had a reason to be concerned after all.  The Skulls nearly sideswipe Jerrica's van and hold her hostage as one of them takes a baseball bat to the boxes of albums, smashing them to smithereens.  All Jerrica can do is watch in horror as all of her hard work fades away.  Well, that plus she could possibly die.

That is until Rio comes along, grabs one of the baseball bats away from one of the Skulls, and somehow they run away like cowards.  It must be the really ugly sweater Rio is wearing.  That's the only answer I'll accept.  But whatever, Jerrica's like "my hero", and Rio's like "I won't kick any living thing ever again", and they make out.  You know what?  Let's just skip ahead to the contest.

In one corner with the pink album sleeve, we have the album "Glitter and Gold" by Jem and the Holograms, which includes the title track, "I'm Coming From Behind", "Set Your Sails", and "I Believe in Happy Endings".  I guess Jerrica must have stayed up all night pressing another half million copies of the album.  At least you can say she's dedicated.

In the other corner with the purple album sleeve, we have the Misfits album which contains the songs "How Does It Feel", "Ahead of the Game", "Take A Hike, Jack", and "We're The Misfits In Hawaii".  Well, they can't all be winners.

Owen is pleased that the record counting system in place at all his stores is working and he talks about the "revolutionary new computer labels" on each record.  Um, Owen...barcodes aren't a new invention.  Comic books had them on their covers ten years BEFORE this episode aired!

The numbers don't lie though.  The Misfits after one day have sold twice as many albums as Jem and the Holograms.  Jem isn't worried though.  She has a trump card named Lindsey Pearce - and that trump card will be playing the "Glitter and Gold" music video every hour on the hour!

The move actually works, and Jem takes the lead just a couple of days later.  And this leads to another Jem/Misfits mash-up.

It's interesting to note the change of tone between the Holograms' "We're Up", versus the Misfits' "You're Down".  One is light and fluffy, and the other is mean and spiteful.  It's quite well done the way they arrange this song.  I kind of like it.  Are you liking this contest of good sportsmanship and playing fair?  You are?  Good.  It ends now.

Eric decides to use cash to influence the voting results.  He sets up people outside every Diskovery store in the country and bribes them with money to buy up all the Misfits records to increase their totals.  He even convinces a woman of about eighty years old to buy a Misfits record!  Which of course completely backfires on him as the woman buys a Jem record instead, using the argument that the Misfits don't look like nice girls.  I suppose they had her say this because they can't use the word whore in a kids cartoon.  Whatever the case, this does nothing to change the rate of sale of records.

Now, some would argue that Jerrica bringing the Starlight Girls in to buy a record each to add twelve more sales to the Glitter and Gold tally would classify as cheating.  I don't see it as such, as Ashley and Deirdre at least seem to be doing this of their own free will.  I bet they got the money to pay for those records with the Honor Jar!

By Day #10 of the competition, there's a tie.  Each group has sold 499,999 records each, and the next record sold will determine the winner.

It's here that Rio - who...you know what, I can't even describe what he's wearing because I don't even know what it is myself.  I lived through 1987, okay...clothes were never THAT ugly - at least not any I remember.  But Rio decides to purchase a copy of the Glitter and Gold record to inch Jem's total to 500,000. 

But wait!  Pizzazz declares shenanigans, outing Rio as an employee of Starlight Music, which voids his purchase, setting the score back to 499,999.  Pizzazz was absolutely right in this case for once.  No double standards for Jem's staff!  Besides, Pizzazz is probably upset that she didn't think of it first.  Another customer comes up to the register, and the Misfits total reaches 500,000!  Outrageous!  The Misfits win?!?  How can that be?  It's predetermined that Jem must have a happy ending in every show!  She sings a song about happy endings, for crying out loud!

Speaking of crying out loud, Aja screeches that they should look at the board again.  Jem's now at 500,000 too.  The customer apparently bought one of each album because she likes both bands, and Owen extends the contest by one more purchase...to which I call shenanigans!  The Misfits album was scanned first...ergo, THE MISFITS SHOULD WIN!  But instead we have to let the Holograms have a fighting chance because plot.

 The last customer of the day approaches the record displays, but Shana (who I think says her only line this episode) points out that they're screwed.  The Jem record stock is sold out meaning that he'll have to purchase a Misfits record by default...well, until Ashley takes the Jem record that Rio purchased, puts it back on the shelf, and informs him that he does have a choice.  NO, HE DOESN'T!  That album's already been scanned out!  You can't double sell a record that was previously sold!  It screws up the inventory!  I work retail!  I bloody know these things!  Sheesh, I could cry shenanigans once more, but nobody cares, right?

A newly purple-haired Clash (what did I tell you about changing character appearances) approaches the customer as well, and Clash and Ashley try to convince the customer to buy their respective group's album.  The customer admits he loves both, but only has enough money to buy one record.

Clash offers the customer fifty dollars to buy the Misfits record, but Ashley grabs the money from Clash saying that it's going to be a fair contest.  Um, since when?  EVERYONE'S BEEN CHEATING!!!

In fact, Ashley and Clash are so busy arguing with each other that they don't realize that our customer has made his choice.  And apparently Glitter and Gold triumphs over Misfits.  As if we weren't shocked already. 

And yes, Pizzazz is angry.  As if we weren't shocked already.  Not even Stormer's eternal optimism over selling half a million records is enough to stop Pizzazz from having a meltdown the way a three-year-old would do.  Thing is, I completely find myself feeling sorry for Pizzazz because if you want to get technical, the Misfits won the contest the minute that female customer purchased both albums.  She had the cashier scan the Misfits album BEFORE the Jem album.  Whether it was intentional or not, who knows?  The point is that the Misfits hit that milestone BEFORE Jem, so they should have won the contest.  This episode really pisses me off.

Especially with Jem and Rio celebrating the win, and the Holograms looking smug even though they technically cheated too by offering an album for sale that was already sold.  Glitter and Gold had promise to be an excellent episode and yet in the last five minutes, the golden enticement of the episode quickly turned into Fool's Gold without a glimmer of redemption.  It's not the worst episode by any means, but it is a disappointment.

Tune in this Saturday, September 17, where I will do a recap of Season 1.  I'll list what characters I loved, which ones I hated, my Top and Bottom 5 songs of each group, and my Top and Bottom 5 episodes.  

And then on Friday, September 23, Season 2 of Jem Reviewed kicks off where Jem finds herself without a drummer!  I'm guessing Shana quit because she was tired of saying six words an episode, but who can say, right?

The Ryan Lochte Conundrum

I have to admit, while I do find myself being captivated by some aspects of reality television, one show that I have never really gotten into was the show "Dancing with the Stars".

I get why it's so popular.  For those people who love ballroom dancing, it's a great way to whiskey tango foxtrot into the lives of professional dancers, and just how physically demanding a career in dance can be.  For the celebrities who perform, it's just a taste of what the professionals have to endure, and I think most of them walk away with a new appreciation for what Cheryl Burke, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, and Derek Hough do for a living.

And let's face it, "Dancing with the Stars" is a great way to revitalize a stale career.  Many of the celebrities who compete on the show were in a lull in their careers, and now it seems as though they are back in demand again.  Even some of the professional dancers have become famous themselves by competing on the show season after season! 

Of course, there are some examples in which people have appeared on that show because their names were linked to something scandalous, and appearing on the show is their way of trying to redeem themselves and reinvent themselves, which depending on who it is can be a good thing.

Of course, I'm not expecting to see O.J. Simpson, Phil Spector, or Jared the former Subway guy on the show anytime soon - mainly because all three of them are still behind bars.  But, I think you get my point.  I'm not really against fallen stars, washed-up child stars, and disgraced athletes competing on shows like "Dancing with the Stars" because in all honesty, many of them are good people who have made some mistakes that damaged their reputation and personal brand, and they're trying to fix it.

I suppose you could say that Ryan Lochte is one of those people.

By now, you probably know the tale of the disgraced Olympic athlete.  Before the 2016 Rio Olympics, he was a valued member of the American Olympic swim team, and over the last few years won twelve medals for his accomplishments - half of which were gold.  During the 2016 Rio Olympics, he and a few of his teammates were involved in a bizarre incident in which he claimed that they were robbed, but later on admitted that the story was a fabrication.  After the 2016 Rio Olympics, his golden star was left tarnished, as major sponsors dropped him left and right.  As of September 15, 2016, Lochte still isn't out of the woods yet.  He still faces charges of providing a false robbery claim which could net him a year and a half in prison if convicted.

To say that 2016 wasn't a good year for Lochte would be a bit of an understatement.

I must admit, when Lochte was announced as one of the celebrities taking part in "Dancing with the Stars", I didn't know what to think.  I admit that there was a part of me that thought he was crazy for even doing it given the scandal he created, but I'm thinking that his name was put on the final callbacks before the Rio incident happened.  And many people just assumed that he was only going through with it just to repair his reputation - which, you have to admit is not really that far off.  But at the same time, I don't begrudge him for that.  Do I think that him appearing on the show will give him instant redemption?  Probably not.  In fact, what happened in Rio will likely haunt him for several years after the fact.

At the same time though, I can't help but feel that he has major cojones for going through with it.  I mean, he's already going into the competition with people jeering him and shooting daggers at him.  Add to the pressure of competing against a group of other dancers who know their stuff and that is a lot on your plate.  So, in a way, I do have to commend Lochte for having the courage to go through with it.  Yes, he could have dropped out, but I do like the fact that he stayed to tough it out.  It doesn't make what he did in Rio right, but that's really on him to figure out what to do about that.

This being said, I would never purposely sit in the studio audience of "Dancing with the Stars" to egg him on and wish failure on him.  That's putting too much negative energy out in the open, and frankly the world needs a lot less of that.  If you don't like him, that's all fine and dandy.  Don't call his voting number.  Don't watch him on television.  And especially don't charge towards him on stage while Carrie Ann Inaba is trying to give out her commentary.  And to the two men who did just that on the last episode of the show as well as the people in the audience who were also causing havoc in protest of Lochte's appearance, I'm going to say that you're no better.

Seriously, that whole incident was absolutely ridiculous, and honestly I don't care what the motivation was.  I don't think that Lochte, his partner Cheryl Burke, host Tom Bergeron, or the entire judging panel of "Dancing with the Stars" deserved it.  It was disrespectful, and on a personal level, that display did nothing to endear yourself to me whatsoever because it was a silly thing to protest to begin with!

Protest to bring more rights for all people.  Protest to stop the passage of laws that take rights away.  Protest the outrageously high electricity costs that Ontario has to deal with!  That would get more of a stamp of approval from me!

Besides...Lochte didn't even do that great in his first dance.  It's possible he could improve, but the likelihood is that he won't last the whole season anyway.  I guess that kind of makes the protest seem a little bit lame in the grand scheme of things, doesn't it?