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Friday, March 24, 2017

Jem Reviewed: Episode 53 - Hollywood Jem: And The Winner Is...

It's time for the second part of a two-part Jem Reviewed, as well as the finale for Season 2!  In Part One, it appeared as though Kimber has broken the heart of one man by accepting the proposal of another.  And somewhere along the way, Jem got herself nominated for an Academy Award.  What other craziness can we expect from the second season conclusion?

Well, we've no time to waste.  Time for Episode 53 - Hollywood Jem:  And the Winner Is...

So, since Kimber has accepted the proposal of Jeff Wright and crushed our pseudo-British teen idol Sean Harrison's heart into a fine powder, it's only natural that the show begins at a bridal shop.  My question is...exactly how much time has passed since the proposal?  It seems as though Kimber has gathered her Hologram pals to go dress shopping THAT SAME DAY!  Maybe Jerrica was right about Kimber rushing a wee bit too fast.  After all, she's not present with Kimber and the others who are looking at ugly and hideous dresses.  Seriously, has anyone ever seen a canary yellow dress and thought "I'm gonna get married looking like a banana"? 

Well, at least Kimber is thrilled to know that Jerrica has decided to show up after all.  Jerrica still is hesitant about the wedding and still has reservations about Kimber making the right choice.  However, she loves Kimber and will give her blessing to her and Jeff.  And in celebration of Kimber's wedding tomorrow (WHAT?!?), the Holograms sing a song about how tomorrow is Kimber's wedding day.

No, seriously.  The name of the song they sing is "Tomorrow Is My Wedding Day".  And as you might expect, it's super cheesy and makes Barney's "I Love You" song sound like death metal punk.  I'm actually more shocked that Kimber chose to get married with one day's notice!  Is she really serious?  Or is she trying to upstage Jem because she got nominated for an Academy Award?  I just...yeah, my brain hurts.

Later that day, Kimber is on the movie set getting ready to watch Jeff's stunt for the movie and she happens to cross paths with Rio.  Kimber goes to Rio and apologizes for being so curt with him the other day (oh, sweet Jesus, she really DID only get proposed to yesterday).  Rio, to his credit, accepts without kicking any trees over.  Rio does seem shocked that Kimber has accepted Jeff's proposal though - but not for the obvious reason of the fact that Kimber seems to want the shortest engagement in history.  He's wondering why Kimber decided to accept Jeff's proposal when she seems more intent on hanging around Sean. 

But before Kimber can give Rio an explanation, it's time for the stunt to begin, and Jeff speeds the car towards the danger...but Rio notices that Jeff is driving the car a little bit too erratically and realizes that the driver has lost control of the car!  The car crashes right into the side of the gigantic truck and spins completely out of control, knocking the driver of the car silly.  Rio and Kimber rush towards the car and Kimber is extremely worried that Jeff is dead and that the wedding will have to be called off.

So, you can imagine everybody's shock when the helmet is pulled off and Sean Harrison is in the stunt man costume!  It appears as though Sean got the brilliant idea to perform the stunt himself so that he could prove to Kimber that he is just as tough as Jeff is.  And then Sean passes out from the pain.  Sheesh, Sean is just as stupid as Kimber is.  Maybe they really SHOULD be endgame.

An unconscious Sean is brought to the nearest hospital, and Rio and Kimber are waiting to hear word.  Kimber is blaming herself for this, but Rio tries to comfort her.  I actually can't believe that I am saying this, but Rio is actually coming across quite well here.  And since Rio isn't annoying me this episode, I'll share some Jem Trivia about him.  He's voiced by Michael Sheehan, who during the late 1970s and 1980s voiced several characters in animation - mostly Hanna-Barbera cartoons.  And on "Zoobilee Zoo", he filled in for Sandey Grinn as Bill Der Beaver when Grinn was presumably unavailable due to illness or previous commitments.

Since Sean is unconscious and likely will be until morning, Rio offers to stick around the hospital to wait for word so that Kimber can get home and get some sleep for her wedding day tomorrow.  But right off the bat, you can see in Kimber's face that maybe she hasn't made the right choice after all.  I wonder what is going to happen?

The following morning, Jerrica, Aja, Shana, and Raya are helping Kimber into her wedding dress, and while Kimber is excited about the day, she's very distracted about Sean, and hopes that he is okay.  Fortunately, Kimber is relieved that Rio has called Jerrica to let everyone know that Sean has woken up and is alert.  Rio also lets them know that he'll be running late to the wedding, but that Sean is going to be just fine, which makes Kimber feel even better.

But Kimber's relief turns to anxiousness when she realizes that the groom hasn't shown up yet.  And right away Kimber jumps to the conclusion that she has been stood up at her own wedding.  Geez, with all these mood swings, you'd have thought that Jeff knocked her up or something!  Fortunately, Aja spots Jeff arriving through the front gate of Starlight Mansion - on a motorcycle.  Not exactly what Kimber pictured...or Shana who sarcastically remarks how romantic it is.

I'm guessing that Starlight Mansion is where the wedding is taking place.  And although all the Starlight Girls are present at the wedding, we only focus on Ba Nee, Ashley, and Krissie, since those three are the only ones who had dolls made of them.  They seem really excited about the bags of rice that they have, and they almost seem giddy to throw it all over Kimber and Jeff.  Honestly, rice is so...boring.  If they really wanted to make it memorable, they should have used rice pudding. 

And it looks as though the guest list is quite sizeable.  It's like a Where's Waldo picture of guest stars from seasons one and two!  Can you name them all?

Kimber and Jerrica are thrilled that they have so many friends to wish them well.  But Kimber sees that someone is missing.  She asks Jerrica to call on Synergy, and with Synergy's help, she projects a hologram of Jem so that both Jem and Jerrica can see her marry Jeff.  This is actually a rather smart idea...though Jerrica's been kind of careless about who she's revealed her identity to.

But then, Jeff seems to be distracted more than Kimber.  Howard Sands actually catches him working out in the gym just minutes before he is set to marry Kimber.  He tells Howard that he's just working out some nervous energy, but I'm wondering if he's thought this through.  I mean, their engagement has only lasted a little over twenty-four hours.

And as Kimber walks down the aisle, it's time for another schmaltzy song called "Happy Ever After".  Seriously, I get that it's a very special episode of Jem, but why the sugary sweet music?  I think I'm going to need a root canal after this episode!  But if you watch the video towards the end, you're going to see Kimber have visions of marrying both Jeff and Sean...and I get the feeling that Kimber's not looking to become a bigamist.  It just illustrates her confusion over who she really wants to marry.

But it appears as though Kimber has made up her mind.  As soon as the priest asks both of them if they will take the other one as their spouse, they both say "I do" even though Kimber says it with as much enthusiasm as someone who's been sick with pneumonia for three days.

But in what has to be one of the most bizarre moments of the series, Rio rushes into the wedding to make an objection.  And in front of all of the stunned guests, he gets down on one knee and proposes to Kimber!  Wh-Wh-WHAAAAAAAT?  Sheesh, is Kimber that irresistible that now RIO is in love with her?  Oh. My. God.

But wait.  Before Jerrica slaps Kimber in the face and crams an entire cactus down Rio's throat, Rio has a simple explanation.  He's actually proposing to Kimber by proxy.  Seems as though Sean kept the ring that he bought for Kimber, and Sean asked Rio to ask Kimber to marry Sean!  Ohhhhhh, so Rio isn't that kind of guy after all.  Though, you have to admit, Rio dumping Jerrica for Kimber would have been a plot twist for the ages.

Now, if you were thinking that Jeff might have something to say about it, he does.  But he actually holds up the white flag of surrender and realizes that he and Kimber can only be friends.  He realizes that Kimber loves Sean more, and he's taking a step back so that Kimber can truly follow her heart's desire.  I have to say, this is a classy move on Jeff's part.  It's so weird how all of these characters are stepping up their adult game.  I kind of like it.

So, Kimber leaves Jeff at the altar and rushes to the hospital to give Sean her answer in person.  As for Rio and Jerrica, they're the ones who get pelted with rice by the Starlight Girls, with Ashley saying that they didn't know what else they could have done with the rice.  Well, you could try EATING it for starters.  Sheesh.  What a waste.

Now, here's where one of the most heartwarming, but yet incredibly foolish events of the whole series takes place.  Kimber arrives at Sean's hospital room, and Sean is pretty beat up.  With a couple of broken legs and some head trauma, Sean is going to take some time to recover.  Naturally, the picture is on hold until he can get better.  But Kimber does have an answer for him - and I have to say that Kimber's grown up a lot with her response.  She explains to Sean that the only reason she accepted Jeff's proposal was to spite Jerrica and to move out of Starlight Mansion so she wouldn't be nagged by her.  You see?  I told you her passion for marriage was fueled by her secret desire to escape Jerrica!  But Kimber tells Sean that she realizes that she was getting married for the wrong reasons, so that's why she turned down Jeff.  She also tells Sean that while she has chosen him, she can't accept the ring because she would also like to get to know him better.  Sean seems to agree and they kiss. 

But then Kimber completely loses her mind and tells Sean that he should get better because he's holding up her SISTER'S MOVIE CAREER?  What the?  Did Kimber just tell Sean that Jem and Jerrica are the SAME PERSON?!?  Like, seriously?  Kimber, you realize that you just told Sean that your sister is Jem?  And that not even RIO knows?  Wow,  I mean, yeah, Jerrica's been sloppy when it comes to changing Holograms, but you just blurt it out.  I'm thinking Sean must be on morphine or something because he doesn't even flinch!  But

So, did I mention that Jem is nominated for an Academy Award?  The wedding scenes kind of threw us off a bit.  Whatever the case, Jem has invited all of the Academy members to view the film "Starbright".  As Jem explains, it's a courtesy for all of the members to view each film so they can make their decision.  One person who likely won't be giving Jem his vote is director Francois Truchet, who wastes no time badmouthing Jem to the other members.  Ah, yes...the old sabotage someone's chances because they turn you down for a film.  How immature.  Rio and Flint Westwood are ready to show our less than friendly French director "la porte", but Jem tells them to stop.  After all, she wants ALL the members to feel welcome. 

It's the night of the big show, and for once, Jem is nervous about her chances.  Thankfully we have Kimber and the others giving her moral support even though Kimber basically told Sean who Jem really is.  Rio is Jem's escort, of course, while Shana's date is Anthony Julian.

To Kimber's surprise, Sean pops out of the limo with leg casts and crutches, eager to be Kimber's date for the show.  Of course, Kimber promises to be gentle with Sean.  Things are somewhat awkward when Jeff pops out of the limo as well...but it becomes less so when it's explained that Aja and Raya have agreed to be his dates.  Or, maybe it's made more awkward.  Whatever, let's just head over to the red carpet.

Thankfully, we're spared an interview from Harriet Horn, or a critique from the fashion police.  We just see Jem and Rio walking into the venue with all of the other Holograms.  Interestingly enough, this happens to be the 60th Annual Academy Awards - which in real life aired the same year this episode did - 1988.  And interestingly enough, 1988 was the year that Cher won for Best Actress.  Could this be foreshadowing?

Well, before we get to that, we've got to sit through twelve hours of other awards.  For instance, Lena and Dominic Lerner are presenting the award for Best Make-Up in a Motion Picture - which I don't even know if that's even an actual category.  But Kimber essentially says what I am thinking - how long until we get to the important awards?  It's one of the reasons why I tend to skip the Academy Awards on television.

Finally, it's time to announce the nominees for Best Actress.  And Cher is not one of the nominees.  Instead, we have our Meryl Streep doppelganger in some "Working Girl" spoof.  We have our Sigourney Weaver twin in some Alien Poltergeist movie which - let's face it - would have NEVER been nominated.  And of course, we have Geraldine Pathos who admittedly does a decent job in the short clip we have of her.

And then there's Jem - with what is literally the same Starbright footage that was shown in Episode 8.  If this is what Jem thinks is her best clip, she may as well already call it a day.

Flint Westwood announces the winner, and to nobody's surprise, Geraldine Pathos takes the prize.  Kimber is visually upset and calls her a few choice words, but Jem tells her to take the high road.

It seems as though Geraldine has taken the high road as well.  In her acceptance speech, she singles out Jem and formally apologizes to her for being so rude to her and for dismissing her talent.  To Jem's credit, she accepts her apology, and as Geraldine celebrates her win, Jem heads off to the bathroom.

But when Kimber follows her and sees Jem bawling at one of the sinks, she sits down beside her, comforts her, and tells her that she really is a great actress.  Jem is very upset that she lost and she really wanted to win, but Kimber tells her that as her sister, she'll always be a winner to her.

Which would be a sweet moment if Jem and Kimber weren't in the washroom with ALL THE OTHER NOMINEES!  Sheesh, Kimber, why don't you just rush up to the podium and tell the world that Jem is your sister?!?

I especially love how the bathroom is called the POWDER ROOM!  Rio is waiting outside of the room to take Jem and the others home, but before they can leave, a man approaches them with some good news for Jem.  Apparently, Geraldine Pathos got hit by a bus and Jem is now the winner!

No, wait.  That didn't happen.  But Jem did earn a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!  Not bad for someone that's only been in the entertainment industry for all of THREE YEARS! many discrepancies. 

And why not end this dismal episode off with an encore of "Hollywood Jem"?  I mean, we only heard it in Episode 52 which was LAST WEEK!

You know, normally I love the multi-part episodes, but this was just a chore to get through.  The lessons we have learned in this one is that Kimber should probably NEVER get married, Sean should NEVER become a stunt driver, Jem will probably NEVER make another movie, and Jem should probably get Kimber to stop calling her sis!  I mean, how many people did Kimber accidentally tell?  I lost count.

Whatever the case, that's a wrap for Season 2.  Coming up on Monday, I'll recap the whole season for you.  And on Friday, we'll kick off Season 3 where we're introduced to yet another new band!

And with only twelve episodes left, it's sort of an abbreviated season.

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