So,
how many of you watched the finale of Big Brother 17 last night?
Well,
if you did, you know who won the $500,000 at the end of the show. You saw who lost it all. You saw who was America's Favourite
Player...and you may have an opinion as to which players were anything but.
One
thing is for sure...this was one season that one could consider to be similar
to a liver and onions sandwich. Now,
when it comes to me, I can't stand liver and onions, so the best part for me
would be the bread that is on each end.
And really, that's how I felt about Big Brother 17. The beginning of the show was very
entertaining. The middle weeks were
disgusting, foul, and hard to digest, and the end was incredibly satisfying.
Was
this the best season of the show? Far
from it. But did it have a deserving
winner? You bet it did. Believe me, there were so many ways that the
show could have gone so terribly, terribly wrong. And yes, I will be pointing out why this is the case as I
continue with this review.
The
one thing that I am glad about regarding the ending of Big Brother 17 is the
fact that I never ever have to hear the words "blood on my hands"
ever again. It became the most annoying
catchphrase of the whole season, and I swear that if there were Big Brother 17
drinking games where they had to take a drink every time a houseguest said
"blood on my hands", then they would be dead of alcohol poisoning
before Labour Day!
Seriously. Enough with blood on anybody's hands. You can't win the game of Big Brother with
clean hands. End of story.
So
this year, seventeen houseguests played the game. That's the most houseguests to play the American version of the
game, and the second season that introduced a set of identical twins (though,
let's face it - they weren't TRULY identical).
How do I like them all? Well,
last season there were four houseguests who really made me want to throw my TV
out of a window. This year, there were
as many houseguests who annoyed me as there were houseguests whose names began
with "J".
(That
would be seven, by the way.)
So,
let's talk about all seventeen houseguests of Big Brother 17 using their comic
book covers from a challenge, and going in order from first evicted to winner!
Oh,
Jace. You were only in the house
for a grand total of fifteen days, and honestly, you pretty much annoyed me for
at least twelve of them. Honestly, I
think that personality wise, you were fine, and I'm sure that had you partnered
with anybody other than Austin, you would have survived the first
eviction. Your mistake was not really
aligning with anybody else because you were too busy playing air guitar with
Austin and arguing with other houseguests.
I wish I could say more about you, but you were so forgettable that when
Julia entered the house, they booted you from the memory wall!
Da'Vonne, you were another houseguest that had me wanting to
point my finger at you in stupidity.
You had it in you to be a dominating game player, and you even won an
advantage in a competition that allowed you to block three houseguests from
voting in the next eviction - an eviction that saw YOU on the block! Not only did you throw that advantage out
the window, but you used your time in the house to pick fights with the wrong
people, and sit on information that could have kept you in the game. You figured out the twin twist before a lot
of others did. Why in the hell did you
not use that to your advantage and evict Liz, so that Julia never made it in
the house? I think you are probably a
hoot outside of the house, but inside you were a wreck. Sorry.
That
brings us to Jeff. Jeff, you
and Jackie were part of the "Amazing Race" twist, where you were
brought into the house to compete against the other houseguests immediately
after you competed on the Race. And,
granted, you were thinking smart when you distanced yourself from Jackie in
order to play your own game while making her less of a target. Honestly, I'd have done the same thing. Unfortunately, that was really all you
did. In fact, I have a hard time
remembering what you did in the house to begin with...
Audrey, you have got to be one of the most complicated
houseguests that has ever played the game.
I should dislike you because of your poor sportsmanship. I mean, getting the house to purposely fight
is bad taste, and then when you're called out on it, you dress up like a
Snuggie with sunglasses and hide in the diary room purposely prolonging the
Veto ceremony...yeah...poor sport. But
you know, I can't hate you because you were the first transgender houseguest in
the game, and you did raise awareness for it.
For that, I thank you. At the
same time, I said that if you did something that warranted me calling you a
dumbass, I would make it clear.
So,
Audrey. You're a dumbass. But I still like you.
Jason, point blank, you were given a bum deal. Oh, Mylanta, I wasn't sure of what to think of you at
first because you were initially given a "Frankie Grande" edit. But unlike Frankie - who hid behind his
sister's fame - you took some risks and you made some good moves. You really tried to get far in the game, and
of all of the pre-jury players, you are one I would love to see get another
chance. After all, the Wackstreet Boys
have to do another tour one of these days.
Maybe get John and Liz back in as well!
Ugh...you
know, I think I may as well group Clay and Shelli together in this one because they were the showmance that made
everybody throw up in unison. And it's
not because of the ten year age difference either. It's because they used their showmance to pretend that they were
voted King and Queen of the Big Brother Court.
With their court jester Vanessa, and Austin and Liz/Julia being their
knights, the couple treated everyone else like the poverty ridden vagrants who
knew nothing and deserved nothing. It
took the actions of one man to break up this power couple once and for all, and
in this case, the King sacrificed himself for the Queen. Not that it mattered much, as Shelli went
the following week anyway. But at least
the Queen became the first royal juror.
Jackie, like Jeff, you didn't really do much at all in the
game. Unlike Jeff, you at least showed
some more personality than he did. And,
I really don't understand that because I watched your season of "The
Amazing Race", and you were so good together on that show. It was like the chemistry fizzled between
you and Jeff. I hope things are okay
between the two of you, but then again, I keep telling myself that you and Jeff
were a "blind date" couple.
Who
is Becky? Seriously, who the hell is
Becky? We literally had episodes where
she didn't appear at all, or if she did, she was on for all of 25 seconds. I guess this means that she didn't really do
much either. I mean, all we know about
her is that she worked in retail, she had an alliance with John, and she got
hit in the face with a train and lived to tell the tale. I'm not saying I disliked Becky...mainly
because we never really knew her!
Ah,
Meg. You were actually one of my
favourites this season. And part of the
reason why you were a favourite wasn't because of your strategy (let's face it,
you really didn't have one), but because you were always so incredibly happy,
upbeat, and positive! In a house filled
with negativity and boringness, you were a rare bright spot and a breath of
fresh air. And I think part of the
reason why you were such a great houseguest was largely in part due to the next
person on my list...
...James, let's just say this. You may
not have won the game, but you won the hearts of America by being voted
America's Favourite Player. It was well
earned, and you too are one of my favourite houseguests this season. You broke up a power couple, you made some
great friends, and you played the best practical jokes on all of the
houseguests. I still chuckle over the
garbage bag prank you pulled in the food storage room! I'd love to see you competing in an all-star
season alongside Jason, Meg, and one other person that I will reveal later on.
Julia, you technically didn't enter the house until Day
43...mainly because for the first five weeks of the show, you switched places
with your twin sister Liz. And
surprisingly enough, even though the houseguests figured it out by week two,
they never said anything and you waltzed into the game as if you had been there
since day one. Here's the thing,
Julia. I think given the course of the
game, you were the smarter twin, and I think the only reason why you were voted
out before your sister is because of one alliance/showmance that I deem the
worst alliance/showmance in the game of Big Brother.
Austin, I'm not going to mince words. I don't like you, and I don't like your
Judas persona. Truth be told, while you
may not be this way in real life, I found you creepy on the show. I mean, I'm sure your girlfriend back home
has a few choice words to say to you after seeing you basically cheat on her
with Liz and practically dumped her on live television. The only time I can say that I truly liked you was when Steve
pulled one over on you and evicted you and you were so shocked that you left
without shoes. Looked good on you. Though, you were part of an alliance that
controlled most of the game, so I was thrilled to see it fall apart.
On
the flip side, John (a.k.a. Johnny Mac)...you're totally awesome! I don't even care that you sound like Bobcat
Goldthwaite when you talk. You are a
dentist with a brain! You pointed out
that Liz and Julia were twins just by a porcelain crown! That is genius! You also formed an alliance with Steve, and you both made it to
the final four. You even survived getting
evicted once, and returned to the game where you stayed for an additional
twenty days! I think that you deserve
another chance to play, because nobody won a Veto quite like you!
Vanessa, let's be clear.
You didn't go on Big Brother for the money. You already have a millionaire's fortune four times over through
your poker playing. And, you
know...you're one of the reasons why I get the chills every time I hear the
words "blood on my hands".
Seriously, shut up with that phrase!
Sheesh!
But,
I will say this. Until the end, you
used your poker skills and bluffing to make it to the final three, and I have
to say, you played a stellar game until that point. Your only flaw was that your poker face lost its charm by the
end, and Steve saw right through you.
And, frankly my dear, you really annoyed me with all the crying. We get it, you were the one who wanted
Austin and Liz split up. When that
happened, why show emotion about it?
Sheesh, make up your mind!
Liz...unfortunately for me, the way I feel about you
has been negatively impacted by your hanging around Austin. I wish I could say that I respected your
game play, but I don't think you had any.
You purposely hid behind your twin sister and your showmance and let
them and Vanessa do all your moves. I
guess that's why you came in only second best.
I wish I could tell you I'm sorry, but frankly I can't. I think Austin crippled your game for you.
Finally,
to this year's winner...Steve! I
have to say that I was hoping that he would win. After all, he is just a few towns and a border crossing away from
where I live, so he's the closest houseguest to me yet! And, I think overall, I was blown away over
how much Steve grew in the Big Brother house.
When he entered the house, he was shy, geeky, kept to himself, talked to
himself, and was intimidated by many things.
He entered a boy, but left a man.
He became more confident. He played
the game. He made big moves by voting
out Austin and Vanessa. He became a
player that definitely belongs in the Big Brother Hall of Fame. And why not? Steve was a true blue Big Brother Superfan. He was never recruited. He just wanted to play the game. That's why I am ecstatic that he won the
whole thing. Congratulations, Steve. You earned it!
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