On
last week's episode of Jem Reviewed, Kimber caused a
scandal...which really wasn't a scandal, but they said it was so it must be so!
Let's have a look at today's episode - Episode 30:
One Jem Too Many. Oh, why do I get the feeling that this is
going to be another doppelganger episode?
We already had one last season that was horrible!
I'm
only assuming that the subject of this episode is Jem, but we have to watch
Jerrica instead losing her mind over the fact that Terri and Marianne have
smashed one of her windows and they appear to be trying to smash each other up
in their fury. Jerrica will have none
of this and tells both girls that if they don't shut up, there will be no more
Lindsey Pearce shows, no more free vacations, and no more Honor Jar. I think they get the message.
When
Jerrica is later talking to the other Holograms, we get to understand why
Jerrica is such a crab apple this episode.
Starlight Music's quarterly tax returns are due soon and she has decided
that she would rather balance the books than go shopping at Forever 21 or
whatever stores twentysomethings shopped at in the late 1980s. So the others leave her behind.
At
some point, Jerrica decides that she needs a break from doing her taxes and
comes up with the random suggestion of singing and recording a song. I certainly hope she's not going to sing a
Schoolhouse Rock song. Not even Britta
Phillips could pull off "Conjunction Junction".
For
what it's worth, the song that Jerrica does sing - "Imagine Me"
- is quite good. I think in a way, it's the perfect song that
illustrates the stress that she goes through - trying to run Starlight Music,
taking care of twelve foster children, having Kimber as a sister - and then
there's the whole Jem thing.
In
fact, Jerrica is so into the song that when she finishes it, she almost doesn't
notice Rio coming into the studio. And
Rio exclaimed that he thought he heard Jem singing. Oh, but don't worry...Jerrica happily tells Rio that he was
merely listening to a playback of a song that Jem had recorded earlier because
she hasn't told Rio the truth yet...why should she start now? Oh, Jerrica, you're so pathetic. The
only other thing of note is that Rio asks Jerrica to go to lunch with him, but
Jerrica flat out refuses because she's much happier pulling her hair out with
tax forms than dining on chicken tetrazzini with her man. So, Rio leaves, presumably to go to the
nearest McDonald's to grab some Chicken McNuggets in honour of Jerrica.
But
before he can get a chance to ask if he would want fries with those McNuggets,
Jem shows up out of the blue.
That's...odd. But Rio is
delighted to have Jem come with him as he won't have to eat alone.
The
place where Rio wants to take Jem is a place inside the Fashion Mall - or
"Fashon Mall". I guess they
never bothered to put up an "I" after the last earthquake. Jem
is excited that Rio is taking her to the Red Rock Cafe - the mall's best fine
dining area. But once they get inside
the restaurant, Jem turns on her bitch switch and immediately begins insulting
the wait staff and being incredibly demanding - which totally turns Rio
off.
In
fact, Rio wants to leave the restaurant right away, but Jem's all "LIKE
FUDGE WE WILL". Seriously, that's
what she says. And in order to get the
best table, she grabs the soup bowl of a customer sitting at the table and
pours it all over his head! Now that's
a lawsuit waiting to happen.
A
paparazzi happens to be in the restaurant and snaps a photo of Jem's meltdown
which causes Jem to take the guy's camera and throw it through the window!
At
this point, the staff of the Red Rock Cafe physically throw Jem out and Jem
goes into such a tirade that she calls Rio a flunky! I'm like...YES! FINALLY! She gets what a leech he is! And after Rio storms off towards McDonald's,
another man approaches her and asks her if she'll stop by his record store to
sign some autographs. Jem gets a sick
smile on her face as she ever so sweetly agrees.
In
another part of the mall, Kimber, Aja, Shana, and Raya have shopped until they
are ready to drop. But just as they are
about to leave, a stray record comes flying at them! After they recover from the shock and irony of nearly being
decapitated by one of their own records, they rush to a record store where they
get the shock of a lifetime.
Looks
like Jem's not content with destroying one store. She's now inside the record store smashing every single one in
response to the fact that the record store admitted that they made a deal with
Starlight Music to lower the prices on any Holograms albums so that more fans
could buy them. And when Kimber tries
to intervene, Jem tells her to BUG OFF.
Tsk. tsk. Such language.
It's
time to find out what's going on. And
as Jerrica is finishing up the last of the tax returns, Rio arrives and tells
her all about Jem's meltdown at the Red Rock Cafe - a fact that stuns
Jerrica. She claims that Rio's mistaken
and that Jem going nuts at the record store is an impossibility. But when Rio leaves to mail Jerrica's tax
returns, the rest of the Holograms get angry at Jerrica over Jem's explosion at
the record store, which causes Jerrica to ask if all of them are on drugs. Well, okay, she doesn't ask that, but she
wonders what is going on.
Aja
suggests that Jerrica has been working too hard and that she go with them
tomorrow to the music trade show.
Jerrica agrees to attend the show and is legitimately having a good
time. But Aja, Kimber, Raya, and Shana
are concerned that Jerrica could turn into evil Jem at any moment, so they try
to keep an eye on her.
Needless
to say, it doesn't work. Jerrica goes
out of sight and evil Jem is seen destroying music displays. The other Holograms give chase to the evil
Jem, but only run into Jerrica who tells them that she went past her. At this point, all of them are confused, and
Raya makes the remark that she keeps changing back and forth.
Even
Jerrica seems to lose it when she runs into a cleaning lady who tells them that
she never saw Jem despite the fact that Jerrica saw her pass by. This is getting incredibly weird. What is going on?
Well,
it seems as though Jem's reputation is sinking due to the reports of Crazy Jem
on the loose. Cool Trash Magazine even
has it on their front page. See, now
THAT'S a scandal. But Jerrica is
wondering what the heck is happening.
Would
you believe that as Jerrica and the others are watching television that they
see Jem arriving at a live movie premiere where she is attacking the stars of
the movie with buckets of popcorn? This
causes the other Holograms to tell Jerrica that they were sorry. Ouch...that must really sting for Jerrica
knowing that her own bandmates didn't believe her!
The
other Holograms think that Jem should issue a statement about the recent
events, but Jerrica doesn't think it would fly. Not only would people not believe her, but they risk having the
Jem imposter disappear. Jerrica thinks
the best way to handle this is to lure the Jem imposter out in the open and
expose her in public. The only problem
is that they have no idea who is responsible for Crazy Jem. Okay, seriously...there's only one
possibility.
Told
you the Misfits were responsible.
And
who better than to play the role of fake Jem than the master of disguise
herself, Clash? Seriously, it's a shame
that Clash is a villain because she really does have immense talent for
costumes. She'd make a great costume
designer...or at the very least, a costume consultant at Value Village.
To
celebrate the fact that the Misfits and Clash have damaged Jem's reputation,
they have a song to sing about it.
It's
just a shame that it's a repeat of a previous hit. Nothing against the song "Congratulations" - which
first appeared in Episode 7 - I was sort of hoping for a new hit by them this
time around. We're already four
episodes into season 2 and the Misfits have only had two new songs in
comparison with Jem's five.
Anyway,
for some reason, Pizzazz and Clash seem to have an idea as to where Jem and the
Holograms next concert is going to be, and it gives both of them an idea to
really cause trouble.
And
for the first time in this blog, instead of posting a dozen photos, I thought
that I'd post a video clip of the dastardly plan that the Misfits have cooked
up for Jem.
So,
to summarize, Fake Jem arrives on the set of the concert that Real Jem and the
Holograms will be taking part in. Dumb
as a post Rio notices both Jems and alerts everyone that there is a Jem
imposter. Real Jem confronts Fake Jem,
but Fake Jem gets away by activating a castle prop that nearly kills Jem, Raya,
and Danse. Fake Jem steals Jem's car,
but Rio and the others give chase in a van.
With Eric and Techrat sabotaging the tugboat that is just behind the one
that Fake Jem drives onto, Jem and the Holograms realize that Eric is the one
behind the fake Jem and now they're trapped on an out of control tugboat. Got all that?
Ah,
but wait! Jem has found an axe! And I don't mean a bass guitar either. I mean an axe! She orders everyone on board (the Holograms, Danse, and Rio) to
chop up whatever wood they can so that they can build a raft. This episode is almost as contrived as the
other doppelganger episode but somehow I like this one mainly because psycho
Jem is entertaining to watch.
And
speaking of psycho Jem, she's causing a whole lot of trouble. She is so rude to the stage people that they
almost want to cause a mutiny, she throws plates of food across the room
because they happen to be an hour old, and she even turns on her friends, the
Misfits, and orders them around. Seems
like being Jem has made Clash a little bit of a diva.
Meanwhile,
Rio is shoveling up spoonfuls of humble pie as he tells Jem how sorry he is
that he couldn't tell the difference between the real Jem and the fake
Jem. And Jem's like, "it's okay,
Rio. You can't tell the difference
between the real Jem and the real Jerrica either, so I expected nothing more
from you." Well, okay, she didn't
exactly SAY it...but you know she was thinking it.
Luckily
for us, their moment of tenderness is interrupted by the fact that their raft
is coming apart at the seams. One by
one, all of the people on the raft fall into the ocean and drown. The end.
Just kidding. All seven people swim to
shore. I guess they all learned their
lesson when they were stranded on that deserted island ten episodes ago - well,
all except Raya and Danse who weren't in that episode. The
good news is that they have all made it to shore. The bad news is that they have no idea where they are. And with their concert set to start in an
hour from now, Jem is worried that they won't make it back to the concert in
time before fake Jem has the most epic of meltdowns.
They
spot a truck driving down the highway and Jem decides to try and stop the truck
knowing full well that because nough people hate her as a result of Fake Jem,
she could end up being pink haired roadkill.
Inside
the truck is a little girl and her father who appears to be a vegetable
farmer. And the little girl is like,
"Look, daddy! Hitchhikers! Let's give them a ride, pretty
please?" The dad shakes his head
and says "Forget it...this one's so crazy she's liable to shave her head
and attack us with a beach umbrella twenty years from now."
To
Jem's relief, the little girl denounces her father's claims and believes with
all her heart that Jem is innocent. Jem
promises her that she will give them free tickets, backstage passes, all their
albums, and a pony if they'll give them a ride to their own concert. Okay, she just promises them free
tickets. Still, that's good enough for
the dad to give them all a ride.
At
the concert, it's a full house! I guess
despite the negative publicity that has happened with Jem courtesy of Clash and
the Misfits, Jem still has her loyal fans.
But Clash is determined to get rid of every single one of them. Problem is, the crowd is getting restless
and she is wondering if she should go out to greet them. Eric tells her to wait a minute, for the
longer she keeps them waiting, the angrier they'll be. Of course, what Eric doesn't realize is that
the real Jem is fast approaching, but we'll wait and see what happens.
By
the time fake Jem comes on stage, she's going on a rant about how all her fans
want to do is take from her, and how she's going to do the taking now. I'm more impressed by the fact that Clash
has found a way to mimic Jem's speaking voice perfectly. She's like the female Rich Little!
Of
course, Clash never gets to finish her soliloquy as Fake Jem as Real Jem comes
storming the stage and demanding to know what the hell she is doing. Of course, both Real Jem and Fake Jem make
the statement that they are the real deal, and the audience is left extremely
confused and Jem is left extremely frustrated...
...until
she comes up with a sure fire way to tell the two apart. Real Jem simply asks Fake Jem to sing one of
her songs. And right then and there,
the hearts of all of the Misfits drop as Clash makes the decision to sing the
song "I Believe in Happy Endings".
I
only wish I had a sound clip of that performance. Needless to say, it's pretty awful. You can tell that Samantha Newark was doing the singing in that
scene. Funny thing is, in this week's
edition of Jem Trivia, Samantha Newark has proven
that she can sing a lot better than that.
Don't believe me? Here's proof
below!
Not
bad, huh? I mean, the song itself is a
cheesy retrospect of her Jem days, but for a singing voice, it's pretty decent.
At
this point, the fans raid the truck of the vegetable farmer and start throwing
tomatoes at the Fake Jem! Amusingly,
the dad gets pissed at the crowd for ruining his veggies until Rio tells him
that they'll pay for all the damage. I
guess it's the least they can do.
And
when one tomato smacks Clash hard in the head, it causes her to remove her Jem
mask. The jig is up, and the Misfits
try to escape - but first they have to deal with the stage crew they abused
prior to the concert. I love it when
the baddies get their just desserts.
And
with the Real Jem back on the stage, it's time for the most ironic song to have
ever played on this series so far.
I'll
admit that stylistically, "The Real Me" is epic. It's a product of its time, of course, but
it's very well done. But, my problem
with this song is that Jem sings about how Clash was NOT the real her, and how
she tricked others into believing lies caused by Clash. The only thing is...JEM'S NOT THE REAL YOU
EITHER!!! For Jem to be singing about
falseness and fakery when she's essentially built a career out of falseness and
fakery for two whole years - it's just plain irony.
So,
we've had yet another doppelganger episode, and to be honest, there were some
parts I strongly disliked...but I think the saving grace was psycho Jem. She was comedy gold!
Next week - the episode that launched a thousand lesbian fan fics. And no, I'm not kidding either.
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