Okay, so I know that I promised that I would have a new theme set up for this week's Thursday entry, but my computer has been acting possessed, and the planned entry that I did have ended up getting ERASED!
I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!
In fact, I'm so peeved about this that instead of re-typing it all out again, I would just repost another piece I worked on that made me just as worked up. I wrote it almost two years ago, and it was a piece entitled "Superficiality is Ugly". If anything, re-reading my response, I chuckle over how much I blew up. I've changed a lot in a year, apparently. You'll get a kick out of it anyway. But fair warning...
WARNING:
This note is rated “T” for teen content, for strong (censored) language
and general anger from the writer in question. It takes a lot to get
me angry, and when I do blow...ye best duck and cover like scared
schoolchildren from the 1950's.
Advice
columns have been around for decades. Ever since Ann Landers and Dear
Abby were schoolchildren, people can count on picking up a newspaper
or their favourite magazine for advice from a variety of people on a
ton of subjects. Medical advice. Dating help. Recipes. Interior
decorating. Some of the questions that people ask can range from
perfectly normal to “what the hell were they thinking”. On the
flipside, some of the advice that some of the people give to the
advice seekers can range from “incredibly boneheaded” to
“absolute brilliance”. Suffice to say, the columns and the
columnists who write them aren't going anywhere soon.
Have
you ever heard of a columnist named Amy Dickinson? She has a column
in a newspaper here in the area that's based in Ottawa. Normally, I
tend to skim over the letters and question how some people can get so
personal in an advice column (and yes, this is coming from someone
who admittedly has over five hundred thought-provoking entries right
here in this blog), but the one in the April 14, 2011 paper really
struck a nerve with me. It wasn't so much her answer...it was the
attitude of the person who sent in the question for her to answer.
And,
it made me see red.
Here's
the question in full. I bolded it just for you. :D
Dear
Amy:
In
our 20-year marriage, my husband has gained more than 50 pounds. I
have gained about 10 and am constantly exercising and working to keep
my weight down.
He
has an unsightly gut that hangs over his pants. His clothes are often
ill-fitting and sloppy looking due to the difficulty of finding a
good fit. I find this embarrassing.
I
have begged, pleaded, argued, threatened, reasoned, tried “Weight
Watchers” for both of us and expressed concern about his health.
Nothing works.
He
makes a half-hearted attempt for a week or two and then quits. We
have no sex life, as I am repulsed by his fat gut.
Otherwise,
he is a loving, devoted, loyal guy with a heart of gold.
I
love him, but the truth is I would not have even gone on a first date
with him the way he looks now. This feels like a classic bait and
switch (women are often accused of this behaviour).
I
have all but given up as I watch him wolf down portions enough for
three. I guess he doesn't care if we never have a romantic life
again.
Should
I just give up and live with him as a lifelong friend?
I
am not interested in anyone else but, truly, his physical condition
has completely turned me off.
I
am really furious with him because I feel cheated out of a full
marriage. I can't help thinking that if he really loved me, he would
try harder.
-Given
Up
Can
you say...superficial much?
For
the record, here was Amy's answer...this time in italics.
Dear
Given:
If
your husband loved himself a little more, he would try harder.
Compulsive eating can provide a relief from the pressure of
relationships, work, sex, and the expectations and disappointment of
the people around you.
Not
only are you pressuring him, but your hostility is so evident that I
find myself pining for a pint of Haagen-Dazs just from reading your
letter.
Instead
of dragging your husband to “Weight Watchers”, you should examine
your own issues and behaviour.
Addictive
eating is different from other addictions because you can't swear off
the stuff (food) forever. You must face your “drug of choice”
every single day.
You
and your husband don't need diet tips. You need marriage counseling.
You
will go into counseling demanding that your husband needs to change
to make you happy, prove he loves you or to save your marriage.
But
as spouses and loved ones of addicts learn, he will only commit to
the hard work of change in order to save himself.
Now...she
was a LOT nicer to her about it than I would be. People like her make
me see red. I have never been a huge fan of people who were up
themselves to begin with, but superficiality is a great way to turn
me off of you forever. I never could stand people who demanded that
other people change in order to suit THEIR needs, and meet THEIR
demands.
When
I read that letter, it kind of made me wonder what I would say to
this woman if I had stepped inside Amy's shoes (and hopefully she
doesn't wear six-inch stillettos, because those things are wrong no
matter what sex you are).
It
wasn't pretty. In fact, I reckon I'd probably have uttered one too
many swears in it, and get promptly fired for my stance on her issue.
But, I don't care. It really pissed me off.
So,
for all of you...below...in bold AND italics...here's what I would
have said to this lovely lady in all of its uncensored glory (hence
the “T” rating). In a way, it also showcases my own feelings on
the subject of superficiality.
Here
goes...
Dear
Given Up:
What
the <CENSORED F-BOMB> is wrong with you?!?
I
mean, seriously, who the hell are you to go on and on about how
unhappy and miserable you are because your husband has gained an
extra fifty pounds over the course of your two decade long marriage?
News flash...unless you have an insanely twisted obsession with botox
injections, there isn't ANY couple who have been married for that
long and looks exactly the same as they did on their wedding day. My
sister and her husband will have been married for twenty-three years
this September, and neither one of them look the same as they did
back in 1989, and you know what? They still love each other enough to
make it work. I'm so sorry for your husband that you can't seem to do
that for him.
You're
embarrassed to be seen with your husband because his gut is a bit
bigger and his pants don't quite fit him like they used to? I'm sure
he's just as embarrassed to have a shrieking harpy shrew of a woman
berating him and making him feel like crap because of something so
superficial as weight gain. In fact, I'd bet my last two dollar coin
(otherwise known as a toonie here in Canada) on it.
I'll
tell you one thing. Belittling him, forcing him to do
things...doesn't work. I'm sure if you were more supportive of him
instead of being disgusted by him, you'd find that he might have the
self-confidence and the motivation for him to make the changes
himself. You cannot force him to do so, because it gives me the
impression that you are a controlling person who really cannot stand
imperfection. Here's some advice for you. You want imperfection? Look
in the damn mirror, lady, because I certainly would not want to hang
around with someone who only seems to look at the surface of a person
instead of what's deep inside.
Oh,
sure, you've said that he does have a heart of gold and is loyal and
devoting, but it shocks me that you only see those as secondary
qualities, of lesser importance than six-pack abs and a 32-inch
waist. Do you have any idea how many women would DIE for a husband
like that, you ignorant twit? Regardless of looks? There are men who
have the body you want, who lie, cheat and abuse their wives on a
day-to-day basis...well...kind of like what YOU'RE doing to your
husband right now. I'm sure that there are a lot of women that would
be honoured to trade places with you at this moment. I secretly hope
that one does.
It
would be something different if you were genuinely concerned about
his health issues, and if you were worried about him having a heart
attack at 50, or high blood pressure. If this was all that you had
touched upon, I'd go a little easier on you, but noooooooo. You had
to really flick the switch into bitch mode by
complaining about your lack of sex life because you find him
repulsive. Guess what? I bet he finds your attitude and personality
just as repulsive, sweetheart. And, if he doesn't, he SHOULD.
It's
women like you that make me see red. You are so hung up on what a guy
looks like and how cute he is that you refuse to see just what other
great qualities he has because you're too blinded by soap opera star
looks which eventually fade over time. You my dear, are no exception.
If
I were your husband, and I read your letter, I would have called up
my divorce attorney, kicked you out of the house and eaten an entire
tub of Cool Whip right in front of you (and I'm talking the Cool Whip
with the ocean blue lid...no 98% fat free stuff). I'd then hit the
gym and get skinny again on purpose just to spite you. But, hey, at
least this way, you would have some vindication that you ended up
giving motivation after all.
I
wouldn't want him to see you as a lifelong friend at all. You haven't
been friendly to him for quite some time. You have been a stuck-up,
snobbish, selfish, superficial excuse for a human being. Thanks to you writing in,
everyone knows it...including the man you promised to love in your
wedding vows through sickness and health.
You
have absolutely no idea what food addictions can do to a person. I
can speak about this because I had a really bad addiction to food
during my high school years brought on by kids who used to bully me
for my weight. You do realize that the more you push your husband,
the more he eats, right?
If
say, oh, I dunno...you actually decided to, oh, I dunno...SUPPORT
HIM...you might get results? But, no...you're too stuck on yourself
to think about that, now...ARE YOU?
You
may think that he's no prize to you...but neither are you.
Seriously,
just go away.
Seriously.
What
can I say? When you accidentally lose the intended blog entry you
WANTED to post, you need to let off some steam. Luckily, I had an
old piece from the past that seemed to fit my mood just fine. I hope
you were at least entertained by it, and I promise that I will make
it up to you next week!
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