Before I go ahead with
today's blog entry, I just wanted to take the time to pay my respect
to those who were killed or injured in the deadly double decker bus
crash in Ottawa, Ontario yesterday morning. It was a devastating
crash with at least six people dead and several others seriously
injured, and I can't even imagine the terror that the people on the
bus, as well as the people on the train that the bus collided with
went through.
Ottawa is almost
considered to be like a second home to me. I lived in that city for
two years and loved every single minute of it. I rode on the OC
Transpo buses almost daily when I did live in the city. Having a
parent who worked for a railroad for over thirty years helped me
understand railway crossing safety better than anyone else that I
know. We don't know how the accident unfolded, and with the driver
of the bus being one of the victims, we might never understand what
happened. All I know is that my heart definitely goes out to the
victims of the accident.
Now, when we last left
off, I was doing a two-part blog entry. In the first part of the
entry, I talked about my overall dislike of gym class, why I hated
it, and why looking back on it all, they were just excuses that I had
come up with to try and justify why I wasn't the most active kid in
the world.
As we go ahead towards
part two of this diary entry, I talk about how my general distaste
for gym class affected me in my adult life...and how there's a
certain kind of place that I am sort of nervous to venture into as a
result of it. Not because of the things inside of it...but because
of something else. It could very well be one of the most emotional
things that I have ever revealed in this blog entry.
September
19, 2013
Okay,
so where did I last leave off? Oh, yes. I remember now. I was
making all sorts of excuses over why I was not the best student in
any of my gym classes, and how those excuses seemed to give me a
negative view on keeping fit while having fun.
Oh,
dear lord...did I just channel Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod in this
blog entry? Yikes.
Anyway,
I have a bit of a confession to make that is related to the post that
I made yesterday...and it is my hope that with this confession that I
will be making that I will not only help people understand why my
opinions of healthy wellness were always tinted in shades of
self-loathing, but I also hope that with my confession, I start to
understand myself a little better.
My
confession is this.
You
know all of those gyms that seem to pop up every so often? Be it a
24-Hour Fitness, or a GoodLife fitness club, or the gym at the YMCA,
or a Bally's Total Fitness, or a Curves fitness club...they seem to
be all over the place. Sign up today at one, and you can get right
to work building your muscles and losing inches off of your waist,
all while having fun doing it.
Would
you believe that I've never set foot inside of a Curves gym? It's
true. Of course, I suppose that the main reason is because it's a
gym that only has female members.
But,
here's the real confession. I've never been inside of a 24-Hour
Fitness, a Bally's Total Fitness, a GoodLife Fitness, and the closest
I ever got to the YMCA gym was when I had my birthday party at the
YMCA when I turned eight years old. That's twenty-four years ago,
people.
Truth
be told, I'm afraid of going to a gym even though I have heard some
people tell me that they are really fun places to go to and I can
meet a whole lot of people there. The thought of even going inside
the door makes my heart beat twice as fast, and I break out into a
sweat even before I attempt to go on one of the various strength
building machines scattered throughout the place.
But
why would a bunch of machines cause me so much terror? Well, aside
from not knowing how to use them, that is. And even so, I'm sure
that most gyms would have people working there that would show you
how to operate them so that you don't inadvertently become the next
YouTube sensation.
I
guess in some ways, it all boils down to the self-confidence that I
still somewhat lack. I don't feel comfortable working out in front
of other people in a gym setting.
Yes,
I'm aware that a grade school gym class is way different than an
adult gym where you see people running on treadmills and pedalling
away on stationary exercise bikes. But I still feel like a fish out
of water at places like a gym.
I'll
put it out there. I'm a lot smaller than I was when I was in high
school, but because of my surgery a couple of years ago, I've gained
some weight back. And try as I might, I'm having a difficult time
shedding the pounds the second time around.
I'm
thinking to myself that enrolling at a gym would be a good step to
try and tone up and lose some more weight. Not a fix all, end all
solution, but a great asset. After all, you see people on “The
Biggest Loser” and “Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition”
working out on the show and getting amazing results. And yet, I
can't bring myself to call up the number, pay the member activation
fee, and work, work, work.
Sounds
kind of strange, doesn't it? I'm someone who could benefit from
working out at a gym, but yet I'm too chicken to go into one.
I
guess there's that little part of me that thinks that I'm going to go
in there, have no idea what I'm doing, and somehow end up being the
butt of everyone's jokes...taking me back to the time in my life that
I want desperately to forget.
It
just sounds so incredibly silly for me to have these feelings of
inadequacy when it comes to my health and how I look because I know
that I have come a long way. I can do a 5K walk with absolutely no
problems whatsoever (well, aside from overactive sweat glands which I
wish I could do something about). I've participated in charity
events in which I have had to do several endurance exercise
activities and lived to tell the tale. And, would I have done an
eight and a half mile circuit around a track at the Relay for Life
back in June if I were as out of shape as I think I am? Of course
not!
The
truth is, I've overcome a lot of personal challenges in hopes of
becoming a better, more active person. My childhood asthma is no
longer as much of a hindrance as it was when I was a child, and I
have actually found a way to make walking a lot more fun (mind you,
it involves strapping on my fully-charged iPod).
I
just have to try and find a way to translate that fun into working
out at a gym.
But
you know what? I've come to the conclusion that if I am really
serious about making even more changes to my health and my
wellness...I don't think I can do it on my own.
Remember
how I told you yesterday about how I entered a weight loss
competition at work, and I did especially well? That was only
because I had a great group of people who really cared about me.
They threw their love and support towards me. They made sure that I
didn't eat or drink too much junk food, and they kept me motivated
towards the goal. Granted, I came in second in the whole
competition, but it was worth it because in the end, I was the
healthiest I have ever felt.
I
guess I need that support more than ever before in the next phase of
my life. I guess I'm reaching out to everyone here, both in my real
life, and to all of you who are reading this right now. I guess what
I want to do is to feel more confident about myself. That ability
has dwindled a bit since 2009, when I had my wake-up call. I guess
what I need is people to continue to support me instead of tearing me
down, and what I need is people to believe in me so that I can start
to believe in myself again.
It's
not going to be easy, but I think there's a way that I can become a
better person than ever before. I just need help in making it
happen.
So,
who wants to help me pick out a gym and be my work-out buddy? I
figure that my reluctance to drop trou in the locker room after a
great workout will be lessened if I know someone who has my back will
be there to support me in my goals.
As
weird and strange as that sounds, believe me, it comes from the
heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment