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Monday, July 28, 2014

Album Covers That Were Frightening

It's time for another edition of FUNNY MONDAY - which is a tentative name until I can come up with something better.  It's something that I came up with at the spur of the moment when I realized that MOTIVATION MONDAY was a done deal. 

But I think that this will be a positive change.  This is the day of the week where we will take a look at some of the funniest signs, pop culture tidbits, bloopers, and mistakes that people have made.  After all, there is nobody in this world that is immune to making mistakes.  Lord knows I've had my share over the years.

But in this blog entry, we're going to be taking a musical trip back in time to look at some of the most...ahem...interesting album covers ever printed.

And the inspiration behind this blog comes courtesy of a little bit of music trivia that I remember reading from a book that I checked out of the library a few years ago.

Have any of you ever heard of a band known as Mom's Apple Pie?  I imagine some of you probably had no idea.  It's okay if you haven't.  They're considered a zero-hit-wonder.  None of their singles really made an impression on the charts, and they only spent four years playing together before they went their separate ways in 1974.

Their album cover for their 1972 debut, on the other hand, was considered to be one of the most talked about album covers of the day.

Now, I know that this album cover seems quite innocent, and I know that you probably wouldn't think anything of it.  But take a closer look at the piece of pie that is missing.  Let's just say that if you look close might find that it resembles a certain female body part.  That's all I'm going to say.  Apparently it was so controversial that the first album cover was pulled from record stores and replaced with an updated, safer cover.  Still, anyone who has the original cover in their possession might very well be holding onto a gold mine.

But this piece of trivia had me wondering...what other album covers could be considered funny, tasteless, or just plain weird?  Well, I scourged the Internet to come up with some examples, and I think I've found some fantastic ones. 

I'd like to give credit to Pinterest,,,, and Huffington Post for the examples that I will be providing in this piece.

So, we're about to begin.  Are you nervous?

Well, let's begin with the group known as Orleans.  They had a couple of big hits in the 1970s with "Dance With Me" and "Still the One".

And, why in the hell are they not wearing any clothes on the album cover?  Well, okay, the bottom of the album is cut off.  They could be wearing jeans, or shorts, or cut offs.  At least they're having a bonding experience on the cover.  I guess I can't fault them for that.

Wowzers!  I knew shoulder pads were quite the fashion accessory for the modern gal of the 1980s...but those things could poke an eye out!!!

Okay, forget the fact that he goes by the name of Pooh-Man.  I mean, it could be because he had an obsession with the A.A. Milne literary character.  Why the heck is his head down there?  On second thought, maybe I don't want to know.

And you thought Leonard Cohen songs were depressing...

"Let Me Touch Him"?  Seriously?  In this day and age?  Um, next.

It's really bad enough that William "She Bangs" Hung received more than fifteen minutes of fame for his train wreck audition on American Idol.  It's incredibly bad that he used those fifteen minutes to record a Christmas album.  But to name the album "Hung for the Holidays"?!?  Can we really have a holiday album cheesier than that?

Okay.  I stand corrected.  At least they aren't dressed like the characters they portrayed in Grease three and a half decades ago.  I'll give them that much.

God Isn't Dead!  So this...I'm assuming she's a preacher of some form.  At least I can be reassured that she's telling me that God isn't dead...even if she happens to be standing in front of gigantic wine bottles while she's preaching.  I wonder if this album is trying to tell us something...

I remember my sixteenth birthday.  It was nothing like Julie's.  Thankfully.  They could have at least put up a couple of balloons, or decorated a Hostess cupcake or something.  At least make me believe that she's celebrating her sixteenth birthday with a man who is old enough to be her father.

Wow...I really am amazed by his guitar playing.  His fingers are so perfectly aligned that I've completely disregarded the fact that he ISN'T WEARING ANY PANTS.  Please let this guy be wearing underwear... this is where Pennywise the Clown was born...

You know...this album was remade in the year 2012.  It was retitled as "Believe" by Justin Bieber.

What do you get when you combine leisure suits, a cool looking mustache, and a Sears Portrait Studio session circa 1976?  Why, you get Ken.  By request only!  I wonder if he's still accepting requests?  I'd love for him to try a rousing chorus of Madonna's "Lucky Star".

Here's the latest scoop on ABC's newest Bachelorette.  Her name is Joyce.  She has astigmatism, but that doesn't stop her from dressing up in her favourite shades of red and purple and singing to her heart's content.  Will you accept Joyce's rose?

I am so thrilled to see someone love their life.  It makes me very happy to see someone who loves their life so much that he has to record an entire album all about it.  But please get out of that waterfall and put on some clothes.  You're scaring me.

After seeing this album cover, I can see why some people are genuinely fearful of Ted Nugent.

You know...when *NSync did the whole puppet on a string theme for one of their music videos circa 2000, it was interesting and very creative.  This is just creepy.

Yes.  Swing that gospel axe indeed.  And the guy who is holding that gospel axe seems to be looking to use it on the woman in front of him so that he can get top billing.  I wonder if there's an Alfred Hitchcock album playing in the background...

Okay.  I ask you.  Can there possibly be any album cover more disturbing than serving a human head as the main course at your Hawaiian luau?

On second though...maybe the luau head doesn't sound quite so disturbing...

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