Satisfied?

Have you ever heard of something called kismet?  It's a word used to describe fate.  And in doing research for today's Sunday Jukebox entry, I have come to discover that kismet has kind of played a role in my song selection.

It's almost as if the song was chosen for me right from the very beginning!

This entry is also very interesting because this song just happens to be from a man who holds the distinction of having my highest read and most commented Sunday Jukebox post since this blog began! 

I had no idea that a song about a murder in a small Nebraska town would generate such discussion and such popularity, but Richard Marx's "Hazard" is definitely a post that has gotten a lot of page views.  As of right now, it has the most comments of any piece that I've written.  And, I can definitely see why this has been the case.  It's a great song by a fantastic artist - and it's got a story that is purposely left ambiguous so that it encourages discussion.

So, discovering that Richard Marx had the #1 song on the Billboard charts exactly twenty-five years ago this week - and the fact that it's one of my favourite songs by Richard Marx happens to be part of the reason why I picked this song.

But listening closely to the lyrics, I realize that there is another reason why I picked today's song.  And before I get to that reason, I want to make a few things clear.

In this blog, I've set some goals for myself.  Goals that have ranged from easy to lofty.  And, some of these goals I've reached, and others I still have yet to achieve.  Most people in my life have been supportive of this, but still there are some who feel the need to call me out on some of the things that I've said on here, claiming that I do these blogs to get attention. 

First of all...of course I do this blog to get attention!  Right now, it's the closest thing I have to doing what I really want to do with my life, and a blog is meant to present my thoughts about what I am thinking about at this moment.  I suppose I could have made those thoughts private, but why should I?  I've been hiding who I am from people for such a long time that I'm sick and tired of it.  And at this stage in the game, if people are going to be responding to my thoughts with negativity and not very supportive comments...well, that's really on them, isn't it?

Sure, I've made goals on this blog.  Have I reached all of them in the time frame that I set for myself?  Not all of them.  But does that mean that I will never achieve them?  Not on this lifetime.

(Mind you, I think from now on, I'll keep those goals on the down low here on this blog until they actually happen...after all...a guy has to have a few surprises!)

Okay, so now that I've gotten that off of my chest, I feel quite empowered, and I feel like I can walk on water.  But since I can't do the second part without floatation devices, I'm going to have to just stick with the empowerment part.

And what better song to depict empowerment than this one?

ARTIST:  Richard Marx
SONG:  Satisfied
ALBUM:  Repeat Offender
DATE RELEASED:  April 27, 1989

PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #1 for 1 week

Yep, this is a song about satisfaction...and trying so hard to find it sometimes.

I mean, if you listen to the lyrics really closely, Richard Marx sings about how there must be more to living than working nine to five, and how there must be something better than working our bodies weary in trying to stay alive.

I say, preach it brother!

These days, almost all of us have to have some form of job in order to keep up a standard of living.  Some of us have to even work two or more just to keep things afloat.  And when you're working all of these hours to try and keep up a standard of living that you're either too tired or too busy to enjoy, it can be the ultimate frustration.  Who has time for hobbies, or making plans, or pursuing real goals when we're too busy with other obligations?

Believe me, I've been there before.  Whenever my schedule gets a little bit strange, it's definitely had a negative effect on this blog because I've had to cut entries short, or not put as much time into it as I would like.  Of course, the job that actually pays the bills takes precedence over the non-paying blog that I write each day.  I'm sure you can guess which job I would rather be doing.

I guess lately, I've been coming to a lot of conclusions about my life thus far.  Those conclusions scare the bejeezus out of me because I know what the solution is, but at the same time, I'm paralyzed with fear when it comes to making those choices.  I suppose that could be the reason why some of the goals that I've made for myself still haven't come true yet.  Fear.

And, let me tell all of you something.  Fear sucks.

I won't say that the last ten years of working in retail have been all that terrible.  There have been some really awesome moments.  And there have also been some not-so-awesome moments.  It's all a rich tapestry of memories, both good and bad, as is the case with most jobs out there I'm sure.

However, my job prospects within the company I work at are essentially non-existent.  There is absolutely no way I can work my way into a higher, more esteemed position - at least not at the store I currently work at.  And, honestly, I really don't think I even want a higher position. 

In fact...I honestly don't know if I even want to continue on with the retail industry at all.  It was a nice job for a while, and I've established a lot of connections with a lot of great people.  But is it something that I want to keep doing because I genuinely enjoy it? 

Not lately, it hasn't.

Sure, the job is full-time.  Sure, I get benefits for the job.  But am I satisfied with the way that the job is going?  No.  I'm tired of feeling tired when I come home after a shift because I am doing way too much work for one person to handle.  If I were working towards a bigger goal, I might feel differently, but I'm not doing that. 

(I'd make a terrible capitalist, by the way.)

Truth be told...I've been working so hard at my job that I'm finding that I have less opportunity to do the one job that I love doing.  I don't want to be a manager of a store.  I don't know if I even want to manage a department these days.  I want to be a writer.

No, wait.  What's this thing about "WANTING" to be a writer?  I AM A WRITER, DAMMIT!

Seriously, I may not like the situation that I'm in right now, but that's not to say that I can't get creative with it.  I've incorporated writing into some workplace things.  I do my blog seven days a week, 365 days a year (well, for now anyway), and in the days before I worked full-time, I had pages and pages of handwritten stories written in three-ring-binders which were written when I was eighteen, nineteen.

(Stories which are not fit for publication, mind you.  I wasn't as great with words back then as I am now.  I guess you could say that when I was a teenager, I committed a lot of "word crimes".)

And, yes...I did come up with an excuse to post a Weird Al song in this space as well. 

Truth is, I have no excuse for not making my goal of being a professional writer happen.  Even though I'm working a job that isn't giving me much satisfaction right now, writing kind of fills the void.  And, hey...if that means I buy a notebook, keep it in my locker at work, and do some writing on my lunch hour while listening to my iPod, so be it. 

(By the way, if you do see me writing in a notebook in an employee lounge, I'm probably tuning you out.  Nothing personal, I just get into the moment.)

I guess if Richard Marx took the steps necessary to make his goal of being a singer/songwriter a dream come true, I can do the same.

Even if I have to sell just a few more televisions to make it come true.