Global Fast Food Items

I think that I've done it.  I think that I've come up with a brand new theme for Mondays in the blog. 

Back in the days in which I was a part of an online talk show known as MOTIVE4CHANGE, the day used to be called MOTIVATION MONDAY.  Of course, when that show was put on hiatus, it left me with a bit of a dilemma.  Initially, I thought about keeping the theme of motivation going and for a few weeks, I wrote entries that had to deal with the subject of motivating others into doing something positive.

But to be perfectly honest with you...I don't think I'm a very good motivational speaker.  In order to motivate people, you have to have confidence.  And let's face it.  I'm not exactly the most confident person in the world.

But then I discovered that humour seems to be a great way to bring people together.  The last two posts that I wrote on Mondays in which I posted funny pictures and signs really seemed to resonate well with all of you.  So, I thought that I would make Monday the brand new day for funny things.

I guess for now, the theme name will be FUNNY MONDAY (a take-off of "Funny Money")...but that name just doesn't seem to work for me.  If you guys have a better (more wittier) name, please send me your ideas either here, or you can tweet me @PCA_GuideToLife. 

So, given that we're going to be talking about funny things from here on out on Mondays, I suppose that I need to choose a topic this time around.

Well, let's talk about food.  I know it's a little early in the week to be doing so, but what the heck.  Mondays just became a lot less structured.

Specifically, I want to talk about fast food.  Not that I eat a lot of it, and not that anyone should be eating a lot of it (If you watched Morgan Spurlock's "Supersize Me", you'll never want to touch the stuff again), but I've always been interested in some of the creations that fast food places come up with.

On Friday, I talked briefly about the Dorito taco that Taco Bell sells, and I have to admit that it's a really creative and unique item that I'd like to try - even though I am not a taco fan.  My love for Doritos would overtake that dislike of tacos.  I know, it sounds bizarre, but I've never claimed to be one hundred per cent normal.

I also liked a couple of other novelty fast food items in my youth over the years.  Burger King came out with something called "Burger Bundles" which had three miniature burgers in a small package.  At the time they came out, I was in kindergarten, and I found it awesome that the restaurant made what I believed to be kid-sized burgers.  They didn't last too long, but I did like them.  Too bad nobody other than myself remembers them.

However, for every good novelty item that Burger King, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut comes up with, there are just as many items that could be considered inedible, weird, or just plain annoying.  Kind of like this song below.

A Pizza Hut, a Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and a Pizza Hut.  Oh, dear god, why did I post this?  The scary thing?  This was a Top 10 hit in the UK!!!

In today's blog, I'll be looking at fast food delicacies from all over the world that seemed like a good idea at the time, but didn't last too long.  Some of them I'd be willing to try (and I'll explain which ones I'd eat as we proceed with the list), but others make me want to reach for the airsick bag.

Of course, before I continue with today's post, I want to give credit to vibe.com, entrepreneur.com, businessinsider.com, and buzzfeed.com for the images that will be used in this blog post.

Ready for some taste treats that will make your mouth water in more ways than one?  Let's begin with a treat from the United States of America.

BACON MILKSHAKES (Jack in the Box)

Okay, I get that North Americans have a growing love affair with bacon.  And why not?  Unless you're vegetarian or vegan, bacon is a very tasty food that is used in a lot of fast food creations.  Just take a look at Wendy's "Baconator" for a good example of what I mean.

But somehow, taking strips of bacon, putting them into a blender filled with milk and ice cream, and turning it into a bacon milkshake...yeah, bring on the gag reflex.  How could anyone think that this was a good idea?  For those of you who like it, more power to you.  I just can't.

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  Hell no!

McGRILLSCHNAGG (McDonald's)

The bad news is that this sandwich can only be found in Swiss McDonald's restaurants.  The good news is...this sandwich can only be found in Swiss McDonald's restaurants.  I don't know...there's something about a pork sausage being placed on a bun with bacon surrounding it that sort of makes me very nervous.  Maybe it's the fact that there's too much pork, or maybe it's because I've never been a fan of pork sausage to begin with, but I honestly don't know if I would even order this sandwich, let alone eat it.

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  Probably not in this lifetime.

HOT DOG STUFFED CRUST PIZZA (Pizza Hut)

Okay.  Stuffed crust pizza is something that I can take or leave.  I prefer my pizza crust plain, but I won't turn down stuffed crust pizza.  Sometimes it can be good.

But when you stuff the pizza crust with a hot dog (as was the case in Pizza Hut restaurants based in the United Kingdom), that's a great way for me not to go near a pizza.  I'm not a huge fan of hot dogs (unless they are charred beyond recognition), so I'll have to pass on this one.  Seriously, how did they get a hot dog baked inside that crust?

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  I'll pass, thanks.

CROWN CRUST PIZZA (Pizza Hut)

This one comes to us from the Middle East...and in this one, I actually have a video to show you!

Okay, so unlike the hot dog stuffed crust, this one was surrounded by cheeseburgers!  And then there was something in the middle that looked like a tossed salad, but were actually condiments found in a burger.  It looks like someone took every possible fast food item in the world and merged them together into a super food.  And yet, there's something about that burger crust that makes my mouth water. 

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  I think I would actually...

WINDOWS 7 WHOPPER (Burger King)

Does everyone remember Windows 7?  I think most of you do.  In fact, some of you are probably using Windows 7 right now because you hate Windows 8 and are cursing Bill Gates for making a very complicated updated version of Windows that you can't use.

CONFESSION:  We still have people asking if we sell Windows 7 at my store because they hate Windows 8.  We don't.

SECOND CONFESSION:  I still use Windows 7 on my computer.

And how did Burger King Japan celebrate the launch of Windows 7?  By creating this very special burger!

Um...okay, so how the hell are we supposed to eat this thing?  Are we supposed to bite into the side of it, or are we to take it apart?  This is like the kind of burger that Jughead would make at the Chocklit Shop if Pop Tate wasn't around to supervise it.  And yet...I don't know.  As awkward as this burger looks...I feel compelled to try it.

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  Yes.  Would I finish it?  Probably not.

PIZZA-SIZE BURGER (Burger King)

Okay, what is Japan's obsession with gigantic hamburgers?  As if the Windows 7 stack of beef wasn't huge enough, they did it again with a whopper of a Whopper!  How about a Whopper that is as huge as an eight-inch pepperoni pizza?  It is cut into four equal pieces, so one burger could easily feed a family of four.  But there's a twist with this burger.  You know how some pizzerias have the half and half option in which you could get half pepperoni and half all-dressed pizza?  This burger works the same way.  Half the burger has traditional Whopper condiments like ketchup, lettuce, mayonnaise, and tomatoes.  The other half contains cheese, avocado, and a side order of tortilla chips.  I must say, this burger also intrigues me. 

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  I think I would.  Would I finish it?  Again, probably not.

PUMPKIN BURGER (Burger King)

You know, I will say this about Japanese Burger King restaurants.  They are very creative with their food items, and I do appreciate good creativity.  But there is no way in hell that you will ever convince me that putting chunks of pumpkin inside of a hamburger bun is ever a good idea.  If I were vegetarian, I could consider trying it, as it would be a meatless alternative to...

...ah, who am I kidding?  The pumpkin burger looks nasty!

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  Not in this lifetime.

KIT KAT POPS (Pizza Hut)

One thing that I can say about Pizza Hut is that they're always doing experiments with dessert items on the menu - which I appreciate, as I love desserts.  In Middle Eastern Pizza Hut restaurants, they came up with a new way to enjoy Kit Kat bars.  Dip them inside some pizza dough and bake them to a golden brown.  Sure they look quite bizarre...but surprisingly they also look delicious!

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  Absolutely!

LOBSTER AND CAVIAR BURGER (Wendy's)

Did you know that Wendy's has opened up locations in Japan?  Colour me surprised!  And who knew that they would be the ones to come up with a burger filled with the ingredients that you might find on dinner tables of the rich and famous?  Seriously, lobster and caviar?  I'd hate to discover how much that burger would retail at! 

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  Put me down as "I don't know".  I've never tasted lobster or caviar.  Maybe when I do, I can give you a better answer.

DRY PORK AND SEAWEED DONUT (Dunkin' Donuts)

This Chinese delicacy is...um...

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  No, NO, A THOUSAND TIMES NO!!!

MASHED POTATO BEEF BURGER (McDonald's)

I can't end this piece off without adding a food item from one of the most recognizable fast food places in the world.  But, seriously, McDonald's...making mashed potatoes a burger filling?  Apparently, China thought that it was a brilliant idea.

And to be honest with you, in theory, this combination could work.  I have a gross food secret.  When I was younger, I used to eat mustard with mashed potatoes.  Some of you might be gagging, but it was a flavour combo I enjoyed as a kid.  So, putting mashed potatoes in a burger wouldn't seem like a bad idea to me...as long as mustard was the only condiment.  I don't know what the hell is in the mashed potatoes in this burger, but it just looks wrong on so many levels.

WOULD MATTHEW TRY THIS?  I would...if I made it myself...and only had mustard on it.