Well,
if my nineteenth year was considered the ultimate high of my life so far, year
twenty was the year in which everything came crashing down.
And,
really...I can only blame myself for it.
I
have to say, I turned twenty years old at a rather turbulent time
in the world. This was the year that
9/11 happened, the year in which people became afraid to open up their mail due
to anthrax concerns, and the year in which the world that I knew was completely
changed forever. And, well...it was
also the year that I learned the hard way that sometimes things happen for a
reason.
Before
we get to that though, we'll take a look at what was big in pop culture. Sorry that I don't have any photos of me to
share. I was pretty camera shy in 2001. But I have other things to show you.
#1 SONG THE WEEK OF 5/18/2001
"All For You" - JANET JACKSON
The
second of two Janet Jackson songs to hit #1 the week of my birthday, and this
one is okay...but it's not my favourite.
Though, some would say that her 2001 album was the last great album
Jackson recorded before her career derailed due to "Nipplegate" three
years later. Though she does have a new
album coming out later this year, so time will tell.
#1 AT THE BOX OFFICE THE WEEK OF 5/18/2001
"Shrek"
This
movie was released on my actual 20th birthday, and it didn't take long for it
to reach the top of the box office.
But, I have a confession to make.
As awesome as this movie was...I liked the second one the best!
#1 TELEVISION SHOW FOR THE 2001/2002 SEASON
"Friends"
"Friends"
Well,
it only took eight years for the show "Friends" to become the most
watched television show of the season, but I will say this. "Friends" was one of those shows
that actually got better with age, and certainly the ratings reflected
that.
Okay,
so when we last left off in this retrospective, nineteen was great, nineteen
was good, nineteen was the year that I finally found happiness, friends who
liked me for me, and where I enjoyed what I was studying. I had high expectations that as I turned 20,
things would be even better.
My
expectations were crushed.
Yes,
my friends and I had a brilliant year together, but the following year saw all
of us go our separate ways. Thaila and
Dominic lived in a different dorm, and Tasha had transferred to a different school
closer to her hometown. Kitty and I
still hung out together every chance we got, but it just didn't feel the
same. It was different without the
others. I still thought the world of
Kitty (and still do even though we haven't seen each other in about twelve
years or so), but I guess I was feeling a bit lonely.
You
see, I opted to stay in residence again (after staying with the family of the
twins that I befriended the year before while I waited for a place to open up
in residence - thanks again, girls, and I still think the world of you even
today), and I ended up in Glengarry House - the disgusting, overheated,
original residence building where the elevator got stuck, flies died all over
the place, and where my roommate was some protein shake addicted narcissist who
was more in love with himself than anybody else. Needless to say, I shed no tears when he moved to a different
dorm. It was times like this that I
missed having Grant around, even though he opted to live off-campus with Kris
and Gabby.
I
mean, I tried to make the most of my stay on the fifth floor of Glengarry House
- and the fact that I was in a suite made it a lot easier to deal with - but
the truth was that I was on a floor with a bunch of freshmen who I had nothing
in common with. It's not that any of
them were bad people, it was just...different.
It was the exact opposite of the joy that I went through when I was at
Stormont House.
But
I suppose I should be lucky that I even got a spot in residence in the first
place. You see, residence living was
designed mainly for first year students, and the school basically encouraged
off-campus living for second year students and up. But with rent in Ottawa being extremely expensive (even for 2001 standards),
I couldn't afford to live off-campus, so I had to re-enroll in residence. But there was a waiting list for second year
students, and those with high GPA's were given first choice. It makes sense, you know. Providing incentives for keeping grades
up. I totally understood that.
It's
just that my grade point average was just a couple of points off of being 80% -
which meant that my name was at the bottom of that list. If it wasn't for the fact that a first year
student dropped out of school before he even began, I would have still been on
that waiting list.
But
even though I had gotten into residence, I soon discovered that my 79 point
whatever average was not enough to keep me in the program that I had enrolled
in. Turns out that you needed an 80% to
stay in the class. And with a 79 point
whatever average, it wasn't enough for me to continue learning about mass
communications.
I
appealed it. Oh, you better believe
that I appealed it. I offered to do
extra credit assignments, and I even begged them to reconsider, as if you technically
rounded my grade up, it would be eighty per cent anyway. No dice.
They told me to either change my major, or repeat the entire course
again.
And,
since I didn't have the money to redo the class (I was already $14,000 in debt
and couldn't afford to add any more to that), I decided to change my
major. I briefly considered changing my
major to film studies, but when I discovered that there was no part in the
curriculum where we actually got to make our own movies, I opted not to pursue
it any further. Instead, I kept film
studies as a minor, and chose to major in English. I always liked English, and I thought if anything, I could go
through to be an English teacher.
But
the longer I tried to go through second year as an English major, the sooner that
I came to a conclusion.
I
made a huge mistake.
I
didn't want to admit it at first, but I think that it was a mistake to even
enroll at Carleton University in the first place - at least at the time that I
began as a student.
Yes,
the first year I was a student was fun and I will always treasure it. But I was also 19 years old, and I thought I
knew it all. I thought that I would
just leave home, graduate in four years, find the perfect job, and life would
just be perfect.
Did
I mention that I was a little bit naive at 19?
Ideally
what I should have done was waited to go to university. Stay back and work for a year or two to save
up some money, and then applied. I
probably would have had the motivation to stay with the program if I knew that
it was my own money that I was investing, and not the student loans that I had
taken out. Truth be told, if I could do
it all over again, I never would have taken out student loans to begin with. The second year that I was in school, they
didn't give me enough to even buy textbooks.
I was photocopying materials from the library to even attempt to catch
up!
In
fact, if I had to do it all over again, I would have gone to a community
college, or a trades college - places that didn't seem like such an obvious money
grab. Granted, I know that all
post-secondary schools seem like this, but college would have been a lot more
affordable. Plus, having taken a couple
of classes at a community college over the last few years, I like the way that
they are set up. You actually learn by
doing, not by listening to a middle-aged guy in a bowtie and tweed jacket enjoy
hearing the sound of his own voice for three hours every Tuesday afternoon.
I
guess that could explain why I ended up dropping out of university at the end of
my second year. It was just as well
though. I had become so disenchanted
with the university system that I never really bothered going to many classes
towards the end. By the end of my
second year, I was already on academic probation, and honestly, it was my own
fault. But, I suppose you could at
least say that I never got kicked out of school. I made the decision to leave before that happened because I
simply wasn't enjoying it.
And
I suppose looking back on it, that was because of my own immaturity and a lack
of being prepared for the major commitment of being a university student. As much as I told myself that I was old
enough and responsible enough to handle the responsibility of being a
post-secondary student at that age, I wasn't.
But
it took me YEARS to make peace with that.
Nobody wants to ever admit that they were a failure at anything, and I
certainly didn't want to admit that I couldn't cut it as a university student. But the truth is that there are millions of
people who came to the same conclusion that I did. Just because it is encouraged to go to the top-ranked
universities in the country doesn't mean that it is a perfect fit for everybody
involved. Believe me, I learned that
lesson the hard way.
I
also learned that just because I don't have a university degree that it doesn't
make me any less of a person. I know
that my guidance counselors were trying to make me apply to universities
because they told me that I wouldn't be happy at a college, but I wonder why I
even took stock in their opinions at all.
I should have listened to my heart and waited before making a huge
commitment like a post-secondary education.
It would have made things a lot easier in the long run.
In
the end, I was left without a degree and a $14,000 debt. Not exactly the parting gifts that a
contestant would ever want on "Wheel of Fortune". And while it would take me forever to pay
off that debt, I did over a twelve year period, and as of now, I'm currently
debt free. And who knows? Maybe the opportunity will come again that I
get a chance to go back to school. But
this time, I'm going to do it my way and stick with it. I have the maturity and the drive now. More than I did when I was twenty.
And,
in the continuation of this retrospective, I spent my twenty-first year doing a
lot of reflecting about life...and what the hell I was going to do with it.
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