Big Brother 18 - A Turnabout of Turnoffs

If I could use but one word to describe Big Brother 18, it would be this.

TURNOFF.

You know, there was something so incredibly frustrating about this season, and I honestly didn't want to even write a blog summary of it not just because the end result was definitely NOT the one I hoped for.  No, this season was definitely hard to watch on a number of levels.  There were too many instances of schadenfreude being displayed in the house, and it was a turnoff.  The showmances in the house were a turnoff.  The fact that a totally undeserving person won the whole shebang was a turnoff.  And as far as I'm concerned, a good 75% of the cast this season were turnoffs.

Now, there are SOME things I liked this year.  25% of the houseguests were okay, and I genuinely would like to see them go another round in a future season.  And the BB Roadkill twist was quite genius - or at least it would have been had the group of houseguests we had not been stupid enough to TELL everyone that they won it!

I'm going to get into a huge rant about why this season went so wrong.  And I blame three people in general - and it's not the three you might be thinking either.

For now, I'll go through and give my final thoughts on each individual houseguest from 16th place to the winner, and I will definitely be blunt.  Trust me, most of these people I really have no desire to even want to know, so I don't care how annoyed I get with them here.

I'll start with Glenn.  And to be honest with you, I feel Glenn got a really raw deal.  The eldest houseguest this year, he really tried to be a competitor.  The only problem he had was that nobody would listen to him.  If they did, his team might have beaten "Big Sister", and Glenn would have lasted at least past eviction #1.  And, Glenn, you fought hard in the Battle Back comp, and I think had your timing been better, you would have beaten Jozea in the first round of the competition.  I'm really sorry to have seen you go so early because I truly believe you understood the game of Big Brother, and no matter where you go from here, I know you'll be a success.  I'd happily welcome you back for one more chance.  Thumbs up to you!

Oh, sweet delusional Jozea.  I struggle to comprehend what planet you beamed down from.  You claim to be the Messiah of Big Brother 18, but really, you were just a mess.  Did you even know how to PLAY Big Brother?  You should know that when you're plotting to vote someone off, you DON'T TELL THEM THAT!!!  I'm still trying to understand not only why you were picked to go on the show, but how you could even be considered a possible person to go on Big Brother Over The Top!  Seriously, just go. 

Next we have Victor who...oh, wait.  He won Battle Back.  Never mind.

Actually, we have Bronte next.  And aside from the fact that she claimed to be a math genius, we really didn't see her do much gameplay aside from starting up a "Spy Girls" alliance with Bridgette and Natalie.  It's nice to have an alliance early, but Bronte's math skills should have kicked in and told her that 3/16ths of the house does not make a majority alliance.  And getting tripped up on basic fractions is not a good game move.  Aside from that, I do like you. Bronte, and I do think you could have gone further had you tried to bring in a couple of others into your alliance.  Michelle and Tiffany, for instance.

Speaking of Tiffany, I am going to come right out and say it.  I was concerned about you the minute I found out you were the sister of Vanessa from BB17.  Vanessa wasn't my favourite player that year, and I was thinking you'd be just like her.  Well, as far as emotions go, you and her were two of a kind.  But when it came to gameplay, you got it.  Unfortunately, you and Glenn had something in common in that timing worked against you.  You should have stopped fighting with Frank and worked with him earlier.  That way, you could have gotten some bigger threats out of the game earlier.  Other than that, I do like you, Tiffany...and I think you may have made me start liking Vanessa more, as she was a better game player than most of the people from your own season!

Now, this season brought back four veteran players to play with the other houseguests, and Frank from BB14 was the first one to get evicted.  Frank is also the one veteran I actually really cheered for during the game because he ACTUALLY PLAYED IT!  He didn't let showmances, romances, or bromances stop him from playing the game.  Unfortunately, Frank's biggest mistake was his mouth.  He probably should have never let on that he won the Roadkill challenges, and he most definitely should have never showed his cards as much as he had.  As for the whole thing with Da'Vonne, only those two know what happened, so I can't comment on that.  But Frank, I appreciate you for taking the game seriously, which is more than I can say for mostly anyone else on that show, so for that I salute you!

Da'Vonne, on the other hand, was one vet I wished they had never brought back.  For one, while the other three at least made it to the halfway point, Da'Vonne was the second one voted off her season!  And what did she do all throughout this season?  A whole lot of pot-stirring and caused a whole lot of drama.  The only thing I can defend her on is that when she and Paulie got into that jury house fight, she at least realized that she went too far and toned it back a bit.  But that's not enough for me to say that she was a poor choice to bring back into the house.  If I wanted to watch drama, I'd watch "The Bold and the Beautiful".

Zakiyah, why the hell were you even on this show?  Seriously, what the heck did you do other than steal Bridgette's cake mix and play around with Paulie?  And even better, when Paulie decided to NOT use the veto on you - which got you evicted by the way - you still decided that he was still worth something and got closer to him (which likely helped contribute to the blow-up you and Paulie had with Da'Vonne).  I don't dislike you, Zakiyah, but I don't think you were in the Big Brother house for the right reasons.  Truth be told, there are probably thousands of people who would have been more entertaining houseguests than you.  Sorry.

Bridgette.  I'm not going to lie.  I think you're absolutely delightful and I really want your peanut butter cookie recipe because they looked delicious when I saw them on the show!  I really do think of all the women on this show, you were the one who showed the most heart.  And who knew that underneath that meek Cabbage Patch Kid exterior beat the heart of a fiery feminist who didn't back down?  Paulie may not like your feminist ways, but I support you in everything you do.  Heck, I'm going to say it.  I want you to come back on another season that isn't filled with morons so you can really show who you are to everyone!  Keep it real, Bridgette!

Needless to say, I don't feel that way about you, Paulie.  Paulie, you said when you first entered the Big Brother house that you wanted to have people remember the Calafiore name with pride - considering that your brother Cody lost to Derrick on BB16.  Unfortunately, you've more or less equated the word Calafiore to being a sexist, misogynistic jerk who more or less has the entire female population of New Jersey making sure that you stay single forever.  I have absolutely no respect for anything you did in the game from making a complete fool out of Zakiyah to insulting Natalie's personal appearance.  It just goes without saying that you still have a lot of growing up to do.  I just hope that this experience has taught you to treat people with more respect - because I have a feeling that when you go out into the real world, the shoe will be on the other foot.  And that shoe will be filled with cement.

Next is Victor who...wait...he won Battle Back AGAIN?  Ay carumba.

All right, next is Michelle.  Or Big Meech.  Or Whiny-Pants, if you'd rather.  Honestly, my impression of Michelle was not a good one.  I mean, when you fat shame people in your introductory video, it's probably a good sign that you have major issues in your life.  The only positive thing I can say about you now is that you've cried so many tears that you single handedly stopped the drought in California.  Well done to you!  But hey, at least one positive I'll say is that you are a superfan and you really did have genuine knowledge of the game which is more than I can say for some others.

Natalie, who knew that you would have ended up the bitter juror this year?  I mean, it just seemed like you just spent the last episode of the series feeling sorry for yourself and beating yourself up because James was evicted as well.  It really sort of turned me off a bit to be honest with you.  However, aside from that, I did find that I liked you.  And I suppose of all the showmances that were in the house, I appreciate the fact that you and James seemed the most sincere.  I still am very much anti-showmance in general though.  I'm just saying that yours was the least offensive.

Okay, so NOW can we talk about Victor?  You know, first off, congratulations for winning America's Favorite Player.  This was easily a no-brainer.  For one, you survived getting evicted not once, but twice.  You are the ONLY person to get three chances playing the game in the same season.  And because of that, you fought harder than basically anyone else in the house to stay.  For that, I will happily welcome you back to another season.  You truly are the real deal, and judging by your family videos, you seem to be the most well-adjusted of many of the Big Brother players.  That's an asset.  Hold onto that.  And congratulations again!

Corey, I really only know two things about you.  You love Christmas but hate giving gifts to the homeless (which contradict each other by the way), and you "love" Nicole.  Other than that, YOU DID NOTHING!  So, I can't really say anything in this space either.

I'll say this about you, James.  As a person, I think I would get along with you just fine.  As far as your showmance with Natalie goes, I do believe it was the most sincere of the relationships, and I believe that you and her will at least always stay friends.  But as a game player this season, you more or less did nothing.  I don't even remember you winning any challenges except for maybe one HoH competition.  You may be a good guy, and you may have won America's Favorite last year...but you certainly did nothing to warrant a win this time around.

It pains me to say this, but this time around the better man did NOT win.  And for that, Paul, I am truly sorry.  Your only crime was the fact that you had a stupid jury who voted for the wrong person - well, okay, Bridgette, Victor, Michelle, and James are exempt from this.  I can't say that I was 100% impressed with you.  Some of the language you used against some of the houseguests was not the greatest, and I truly never want to hear the word "friendship" from you ever again.  But Paul...you played this game better than anyone else, and your adaptability alone was enough to guarantee you a final two position.  Don't be upset at losing...be happy that you made it as far as you did.  And feel free to use that $50,000 you won and go on a nice vacation with Pablo!  You both have earned it.

Finally, we go to the least deserving winner in the history of Big Brother.  I truly am gobsmacked over how a bumbling idiot like Nicole could ever have won the whole game.  This is the same woman who threw her game away for a showmance on BB16, and yet got involved with Corey 45 seconds after she proclaimed that she wouldn't get involved in another one.  She didn't EARN any HoH or Veto wins...she made sweetheart deals with other houseguests to ensure it.  That cheapens the thrill of it.  But perhaps the one thing that really turned me off Nicole was that in between the two seasons she was on, she went from being a naive, but nice young girl to a cold, calculating mean girl who thrived on the displeasure of others.  I can see why Bridgette voted against her as well.  Did you ever notice that she did everything she could to get all the other women out before her?  Nicole, here's what you can do with the half million.  Go back to Ubly, Michigan, and build a wall around your house so that I never have to see your face or hear your voice on Big Brother ever again. 

But I won't go so far as to say that you ruined Big Brother.  You were just a small part of a grander scheme.

No, I blame Allison Grodner, Rich Meehan, and Robyn Kass for casting and producing such a disgusting season of Big Brother in the first place.  When Big Brother first debuted in 2000, it was a half-decent show filled with everyday average Joes competing in challenges and voting people out.  Twists were very limited and hardly used, and people didn't feel the need to throw everything about themselves out the window to become television stars.  I dislike everything that you have done regarding the program, and honestly, you three are the real bimbos that have destroyed what was once a very interesting show.  Therefore, I refuse to watch your online season, and I am seriously thinking of boycotting Season 19 of the summer season as well.

Do the honourable thing, guys.  Step down or kill the show.