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Monday, September 08, 2014

I Ordered WHAT?!?

As many of you are well aware, I cancelled the FOODIE FRIDAY posting for this past week due to the death of Joan Rivers this past Thursday.  I used that space to talk about some memories that I had of her - right down to the instance where I found a comedy album of hers that was not meant for the average seven year old listener.

So, because of that, I decided to make this edition of
FUNNY MONDAY all about food!

Specifically, menu items.

Now, when it comes to dining out at restaurants, diners, or even a hot dog stand on the corner of a downtown intersection, 99% of the time, they are going to have a menu posted either in a book format, or plastered over top of the cash register area.  And, 99% of the time, that menu will be spelled correctly and present the information that you need to know in an easy and orderly fashion.

It's that 1% that we'll be featuring in this space.

Granted, many of these examples that I will be showing you today will feature examples from foreign countries or Chinese food places - because let's be honest.  Engrish can be fun!  But I found quite a few other surprises to share as well.  And, of course, there will be some commentary from me along the way.

But of course, I have to give credit where credit is due, and I wish to thank, Pinterest,, Buzzfeed, and for the examples provide here.

Are you ready to begin?

For some reason, I don't see myself standing in line at Subway just to sample one of THOSE subs.  I especially don't see myself paying twenty bucks for that flavourful combination.  Um.  No comment on this one.  I'm actually rendered speechless.

You see, this is what happens when you use Google Translate on your map.  You literally get a hodgepodge of stuff that doesn't make any sense whatsoever.  Though, it'd be interesting to see pig hearts tossed onto the ceiling.

You want me to do WHAT to the roasting chicken?!?

Well, I would think that if I was to have my head and feet removed, plucked to nakedness, and broiled in an oven at over 350 degrees, I'd be rude and unreasonable too!

Funny.  I don't recall Campbell's ever making that flavour...

AWESOME!  Can we have that surcharge added to my workplace?  With the amount I get any given day, I could have retired three years ago!

Um...yeah.  After the first item on that list, I don't even care that they spelled the heading "MAIN COURSE" incorrectly.

So, what exactly is the difference between these two types of chicken that would make it seem more "real".  I can tell you.  Three dollars and five cents.

Wait.  I'm confused.  Does this mean that you get measles after eating at this restaurant, or do they actually serve the virus that causes measles on your plate?  Either way, YUCKY!

I've heard of people enjoying bacon (myself being one of them), but this is going a little bit overboard.

Oooooh, PETA's not going to like this at all!

Actually, on second thought, this disclaimer actually makes the previous post seem tame in comparison!

One of these things is not like the other,
One of these things just isn't the same,
If you can't guess which thing is not like the other,
You might be insane.

"You can't sub a potato for another beer."  Unfortunately.

For some reason, before this menu was corrected, I had this image of people ordering a burger and being followed by a herd of sheep, like in the nursery rhyme "Mary Had a Little Lamb".  Or in New Zealand.

And, what's wrong with the boy chicken, Wendy's?  I know that forty years ago there was a women's lib movement, but come on.  Isn't this placard a little bit sexist towards male chickens?  I...oh, hold on a sec.

Oh, wait...they EAT the girl chicken?  Oh, ahem.  Carry on.  :)

Wow...I know they have a one child per family rule in China, but offering a free child with your meal is a little much, don't you think?

I can't say that I've ever ordered a gym shoe at a fast food place, but if I were to order two of these meals, I'd have a new pair of shoes for just under five dollars!  You can't beat that deal!

Wow.  Beer on the children's menu!  Must be from Europe.

Total cost of burrito in my case?  $73.10.

Why would anyone buy broken glass for $2.39 a pound?  You could smash up your fine china for free!  Oh, wait.  Buying broken glass at a restaurant...yeah, that's different.

I'm assuming that this classified ad really means "LEBANESE" dishes.  I'm assuming anyway.

Oh, the joys of unfortunate restaurant names...

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