For this week's edition of FUNNY MONDAY, I thought that I would try something new by making the topic of discussion about something old.
Yeah, somewhere in my mind, that made sense.
Anyway, I thought that I would make this entry very short on text and very picture heavy because were going to be discussing a fad that has somehow managed to last forty-seven years and counting. I know. I got involved in that fad at some point in my childhood, collecting these kinds of cards. I may even still have some of them kicking around.
Of course, I'm talking about "Wacky Packages"!
It seems hard to believe that these cards that make disgusting and gross spoofs of everyday household items were first printed by the Topps Company in 1967. They were originally die-cut cards, similar in size and thickness to a standard baseball card where the images of the product on the cards could be popped out of the card. By 1973, the company switched to a sticker format, which has become the most common format for the cards. Between 1967 and 2013, it is estimated that billions of "Wacky Packages" cards have been produced, and believe it or not, at one point they outsold the Topps baseball cards that were also manufactured. There were even posters, postcards, and even comic books manufactured!
So, for this edition of the blog, I thought it would be fun to talk about some of the funny Wacky Packages that I have found online and from my own personal collection. For some of these products, you'll recognize them right away, but for others, I'll explain what the original product is.
Let's put it this way. You won't be finding these products in supermarkets any time soon. There's twenty-seven in all.
1. RATZ CRACKERS
You won't find this spoof of Ritz Crackers on the shelf at your grocery store. You also may have a difficult time finding this card in the first place. It was one of the original 44 cards released in 1967 that was pulled from production shortly after, making this card a rarity.
2. CRACKED ANIMALS
Same deal with this animal crackers spoof. This card is also a rare one to find.
Obviously, this is meant to be a spin on Kool-Aid. But I wonder what flavour it is. Looks like grimacing grape to me.
4. JELLY BULLY
I'm not a fan of most of the more exotic Jelly Belly flavours, but not even a jellybean deserves this much abuse! I bet the Jelly Bully is rotten key lime flavour.
5. SKIP-IT PEANUT BUTTER
What could be worse than not being able to rip the lip off of a peanut butter container?
6. JIP PEANUT SHELLS
Well, I think we have our winner.
7. DUMBSTICK ICE CREAM
I suppose that putting it on your head would be a quick way to freeze your brain.
8. HOPELESS SNOWBALLS
Actually, these would be handy to sell in June, July, and August. And for those of you who don't know what these are, they were a snack cake that Hostess manufactured.
9. IVERY SNOW
Speaking of snow...the mother might want to get her clothes out of the dryer so that her child doesn't...you know...die.
10. SMOOCHER'S STICKY JAM
Obviously a spoof of Smucker's jam products. The secret ingredient is crazy glue.
11. KENTUCKY FRIED FINGERS
Well, I suppose this negates the "finger lickin' good" slogan that KFC has used for years.
12. SCARY LEE SCREAMBERRY CREEP CHEESE CAKE
Ah, the perfect dessert for Halloween.
13. UM & UM's
Well...as a four year old, I would have liked them. Truth be told, if there was a way that I could have made M&M's melt in my hand, I'd have found it at that age.
14. CRUST TOOTHPASTE
Forget the garlic flavour. The name itself is revolting.
15. DR. POPPER
Momma had a soda and her head popped off.
16. ORDINARY K
Actually, I always have said that Special K tasted like cardboard. I think this name could work for the real thing too.
17. CRAKOLA CRAYONS
Well...I suppose you could get the same effect by jumping on top of a Crayola 64-count box.
The San Francisco treat that keeps on giving...
19. HOGGIN' DOGZ
I suppose that featuring a scary looking dog on the package would deter you from purchasing it.
20. CLAMMY SOAP
I assume that this is based off of Camay soap. But, if the soap smells like clam chowder, can it really claim to keep you clean?
21. SWEATHARD SOAP
I actually had to look this one up to find out what the original product this card was based on. It's a brand of soap called Sweetheart Soap (don't worry...I haven't heard of it either). Needless to say, this version of the soap will keep your sweetheart far, far away!
22. HAWAIIAN LUNCH
The rotisserie is controlled by the guy that Punchy kept punching. I knew he'd get his revenge one day.
23. GRAVESTONES UNCHEWABLE VITAMINS
Ah, another product suitable for Halloween.
As if Spam was hard enough to choke down...
25. BARFIE: MY SCREAM
The predecessor of the Monster High doll.
26. OLD SUPER MARIO MOTHERS
Who knew that Wacky Packages manufactured video game cards too?
27. GRAND THEFT AUDIO - NICE DITTY