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Monday, December 22, 2014

Cringeworthy Christmas Classics

We're almost there everyone!  Just three days left to go until Christmas Day!

Sadly, there are only four more days left in THE POP CULTURE ADDICT'S ADVENT CALENDAR.  Today, tomorrow, Wednesday, and of course, Christmas Day.  That kind of makes me sad, but alas, the holidays have to end at some point, right?

Anyway, Day #22 also happens to be FUNNY MONDAY, and for this week's edition of the FUNNY MONDAY post, I thought I would look at funny Christmas songs.

(This does not mean that I will be posting funny Christmas parodies in this space though.  I only had enough for two days worth, and if you missed them, you can find them on days eight and twelve of the calendar this year.)

No, what this means is that I will be posting real Christmas songs that have been recorded by real artists that I could consider to be funny, weird, strange, awful, terrible, horrible, or a combination of all six adjectives.

Yeah, trust me.  They're that bad.  Well, at least in my opinion anyway.  Some of you may actually like them.  Who knows really?

Now, just so we're clear, I will not be posting songs such as "O Holy Night", "Silent Night", or "Away In A Manger".  Those songs are Christmas classics.  I also won't post songs that are beloved parody or spoof songs such as "Bob and Doug McKenzie's Twelve Days of Christmas", because they are so well loved.

Ah, what the hell.  Let's post that one anyway.  It will get us in the mood.

Sadly, not all of these songs could be considered as well loved as the one above.  Here are just a few examples of songs that were recorded specifically for the Christmas season that just plain missed the mark.

Again, this is merely my opinion.  You may agree or disagree.  In fact, I welcome your comments and thoughts!

Okay.  Those of us living in North America probably have no idea who these girls are.  But those of you in the UK probably know them.  They are Romanian-born twins Gabriela and Monica Irimia who immigrated to Britain in 2002.  The following year, they released  Believe it or not, the song peaked at #10 on the UK charts in December 2003!

Now, assuming that cheeky is a synonym for fun, I can appreciate the meaning of the title of the song.  After all, Christmas is supposed to be fun, right?  Unfortunately, they decide to take the term cheeky as being "show your cheeks by wearing metallic gold hot pants in a winter wonderland". 

Number one, The Cheeky Girls would develop hypothermia and become more frozen than Olaf the Snowman.  Number two, notice how the reindeer in the video just stares at both of them while they do their cheeky dance?  I bet he's thinking "What are these two idiots doing?  And why won't they wear clothes?"

The bit at the end where the reindeer tries to attack the Cheeky Girls is pretty hilarious though.

Okay, so for those of you who aren't fluent in Spanish (I myself learned my limited Spanish vocabulary from old "Sesame Street" episodes), Feliz Navidad is Spanish for "Merry Christmas".  However, whenever I hear this song played on the radio, it brings forth a homicidal rage in me that makes me want to take a Louisville slugger to the boombox.  It is almost as repetitive as that Backstreet Boys song that repeats the phrase "you are my fire, the one desire" over and over again.  Nothing personal against Jose Feliciano - I'm sure that he's a great guy and all.  I just wish that he would have used more both Spanish and English.

Yeah...just listen to this one.  Enough said.  What is interesting is that fifty-one years after this song was first recorded, it hit the Top 10 on the UK Song 2011! 

Oh, Paul McCartney...I do love most of your work.  I really do.  Loved you as a Beatle.  Loved you when you sang with Stevie Wonder and Michael Jackson.  Hell, I can even say that I liked some of the stuff you did with Wings.  But this song was not your best work.  I still get migraines from that synthesizer!

Many pop stars have recorded their own holiday albums with mixed results.  Idina Menzel and Michael Buble = good.  Britney Spears and *NSync = not great.  But this song by the New Kids on the Block?  Well, I suppose it would be okay if you were a teenager in the early 1990s.  This is one of those songs that has not aged well at all.

I definitely hate this song in general because the whole point of the song is to show just how materialistic and greedy people can get over the holidays.  I personally would like to take the Sable that is slipped under the tree and run over the singer with it!

But I will say this.  Despite the song's content, Eartha Kitt did a fantastic job singing it.  Madonna, not so much.

Yuck.  And, what makes matters worse is that there is a version that is done by the Irish Rovers.  My grandmother saw an Irish Rovers concert just hours before she suddenly passed away.  It would break my heart if I knew that this was one of the last songs that she heard before she crossed over.  And she died in late October too, so it is definitely a possibility.

Anyway, this is where I end off my list.  Do you have any to add?

We're not long now from the conclusion of the advent calendar.  Tune in for Day #23 for the Tuesday Timeline entry.

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