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Sunday, March 29, 2015

What's Love But A Secondhand Emotion?

I think that everybody agrees with me that love is probably one of the hardest things that one can ever hope to figure out. I know being single for the majority of my near 34 years on this earth, I'm having an extremely difficult time figuring it out myself. 

For instance, why is it that some people find love more easily than others? 

I know in my case (and I've said this before countless times I'm sure), part of the reason why I have such a hard time finding Ms. Right is because I have a hard time finding love within myself. The struggle with self-image and self-worth has always been very real to me. It's not easy for me to let my guard down with a prospective love interest, and I don't believe it's ever really been that way. One day, I hope to shed these feelings of fear and uncertainty within myself and go on living my life as happy as can be. And, I know that once I do, I'll be able to open my heart up to someone else. It sounds kind of mushy and touchy-feely, but damn it, it's the way I feel!

There was a time in which I would never even admit to having these feelings at all, because back when I was a teenager, I couldn't put my trust in anybody, because I was so convinced that everyone was out to hurt me. Now that I am older and wiser, I feel that my ability in picking and choosing people to confide in has greatly improved since then. So, I'm opening up about my feelings to oh...everyone who is reading this right now. Aren't I a nice guy?

I know that once I find a way to love myself, I can give 100% of my love and devotion to the woman that I hope will become my wife (or in the case of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, common law spouse). It can't be that impossible of a dream, can't it? 

Besides, looking around at real life instances, television clips, and couples all over the world, I'm finding that maybe there is hope after all! 

I mean, I'm just going to come right out and say it. A lot of the relationships that I see amongst my family and close friends are quite toxic in nature. Of course I won't name names because I respect their privacy, but take my word for it, they can be quite bad. And, naturally, of course, when surrounded by said couples in constant nagging and yelling at each other, it tends to give one a very skewed view of romance and relationships. 

I just find love to be a word that I have a hard time defining. I mean, take my parents for example. At times, there are instances in which I ask myself "how the hell did they get past the first year of marriage". They kind of have something along the lines of an Archie and Edith Bunker relationship, or an Al and Peg Bundy coupling. Nag, nag, nag, yell, yell, yell, bicker, bicker, bicker, etc. 

And, yet they'll celebrate 50 years of married...something this year. Go figure. 

So, clearly, there's something there that is keeping them together. And, to be honest with you, I really don't have a clue what it is. Truth be told, I don't think THEY do either. Maybe it's LOVE?

I don't know. Maybe I'm spoiled from all the teen sitcoms, prime time soaps, and even Rob and Amber from Survivor, which show a generally idealized scenario for love. Hugs, kisses, maybe even a couple of PG rated bedroom scenes. 

Compare that to the relationships I've seen, and it's a deep contrast, that's for sure. But, I blame Hollywood more than human nature for that. 

I think deep down inside, we all dream of finding that perfect guy or gal, moving into the perfect house with the perfect white picket fence, raising two perfect children in a perfect neighbourhood, sending them to perfect college while you retire to perfect Florida, where we all live perfectly ever after. 

And, when we don't find perfection, some of us stick by it anyway, because we LOVE the person anyway. That's one thing that I have learned from being...what's the word...not love-starved, no...maybe choosing not to be in a relationship...yeah, that sounds better. That's one thing I have learned from choosing to not be in a relationship. If a person truly loves someone, they forgive and forget all flaws, because they just want to be close to them. That's what real, natural love is all about. 

But, does the same apply to manufactured love? 

It seems that everywhere you look, there's a new finding love television event mixed in with the crowd of old favourites. "Blind Date", "Love Connection", "The Dating Game", and "The Newlywed Game" were old classics that kept us in stitches. I mean, come on, I dare you to get through a rousing round of Bob Eubanks asking random strangers where they "made whoopee" last night without bursting into a belly laugh! I DARE YOU! 

Then there are some shows where the person looking for love makes you wonder how THEY can be more irresistible and attractive than YOU. I mean, Flavor Flav? The only person nastier than he is would be some of the women who threw themselves at him. Rock of Love? Ick.  Ah, well...I always said that I like a good train wreck on television. 

I guess the most popular of these shows would be "The Bachelor".  And, well, that show has always been subjected to controversy. Remember when that one guy chose one girl, dumped her on NATIONAL TELEVISION, and chose another girl he sent packing instead?  Remember how slimy that was?

What the hell was everyone thinking? 

I mean, I know that some people (myself included) have a difficult time finding the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Personally, I would never volunteer myself to go on one of these dating shows. It's an invasion of my privacy, not to mention the women that I would have to date. There's also the idea of hurting 24 other women just to find one, and personally, I don't think I would have the heart to do it. Of course, the idea of dating 24 women at the same time is asinine to me anyway. I mean, all these women claim to have a connection with the guy after a whopping 4 hours, 17 minutes, and 52 seconds. I cry FOUL!

(I personally think it takes at least 7 hours.)

In all seriousness, I find the whole "Bachelor" show to be a farce, and to tell you the truth, I'm kind of sorry I watched in the first place. I mean, I did some research for this note, and out of who knows how many seasons there have been of this show, only a couple of couples have made it to the wedding. All the others have busted up. Convince you yet? 

I just find the show to be so insulting to people who are looking for true love, and find the show a reason why people are getting disenchanted with the idea of love and marriage. The girl that was rejected by the guy after the guy proposed marriage to her was brutally hurt and humiliated on television. I mean, yes, the girl was taking a risk signing up for the show in the first place because there was no guarantee that she would be the one to win his heart. But, it's one thing to not get a rose during the first two rounds of cuts. It's an entirely different thing to get the proposal and ring from the guy and then have him admit a month later that he "make a mistake". I imagine that the decision must have been hard for the guy, but jeez...the guy needed to have some class, and broke up with her in private, and not for some stupid follow-up special deemed to be the "most dramatic ever". Shame on him. 

Of course, the guy is saying that ABC wouldn't LET him break up with her in private, and if that's true, that'll leave a black eye on the network for sure. But, unfortunately, it still doesn't change my opinion of this guy. He's a first-class jerk, and if the girl he eventually ended up with is smart enough, she'll head for the hills. 

Interestingly enough, the woman who was dumped is doing extremely well.  Not only did she go on "Dancing With The Stars", but she also found love with another man and they have lived happily ever after since. 

Because love itself isn't the source of's the stupid people who don't understand it that hurts. 

I just hope that when the time comes for me to love somebody...I'll know exactly what the meaning of love is. But, without the "dramatic rose ceremonies", thank you. 

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