June 30, 1966

Here we are.  The last day of June.  This means that we are nearly halfway through the year 2015!  Where in the world did the time go?

But you know what?  I say bring it.  2015 has been one of those years that started off rough, but is turning out to be a fantastic year! 

I will tell you more about why this is the case at another time.  In the meantime, I should probably get on with today's TUESDAY TIMELINE entry.

So let's see what we have on the schedule for June 30.  Let's begin with some of the "happenings" that took place on this date.

1559 - King Henry II is mortally wounded in a jousting match against Gabriel de Montgomery

1805 - U.S. Congress organizes the Michigan Territory

1864 - Abraham Lincoln grants the area known as Yosemite Valley to California for "public use, resort, and recreation"

1882 - Charles J. Guiteau - the man who assassinated President James Garfield - is hanged

1886 - The first transcontinental train trip across Canada departs from Montreal, arriving in Port Moody, British Columbia five days later

1892 - The Homestead Strike begins

1905 - "On The Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies" - written by Albert Einstein - is published

1906 - The Meat Inspection and Pure Food and Drug Act is passed by United States Congress

1912 - Regina, Saskatchewan is hit by the Regina Cyclone, killing 28 people

1917 - Actress/singer Lena Horne (d. 2010) is born in Brooklyn, New York

1934 - The Night of the Long Knives takes place in Germany, courtesy of Adolf Hitler

1937 - London, England introduces the 999 service number - the world's very first emergency telephone number

1953 - The first Chevrolet Corvette rolls off the assembly line in Michigan

1956 - 128 people lose their lives when two airplanes crash into each other over the Grand Canyon

1971 - The voting age is reduced to eighteen from twenty-one in the United States

1972 - The first leap second is added to the UTC time system

1985 - A total of thirty-nine American hostages from hijacked TWA Flight 847 are freed after being held captive for seventeen days

1986 - The U.S. Supreme Court rules that states can outlaw homosexual acts between consenting adults (boy have times changed since '86!)

2001 - Country singer Chet Atkins dies at the age of 77

2014 - Actor Bob Hastings passes away at the age of 89

And for celebrity birthdays, we have to wish the following famous faces a happy birthday; Nancy Dussault, Eddie Rambeau, Terry Funk, Murray McLauchlan, Andy Scott, Leonard Whiting, David Garrison, Hal Lindes, David Alan Grier, Brian Vollmer, Sterling Martin, Rich Vos, Tommy Keene, Vincent D'Onofrio, Murray Cook, Rupert Graves, Steve Duchesne, Mitch Richmond, Wendy Davis, Mike Tyson, Nitin Ganatra, Brian Bloom, Megan Fahlenbock, Monica Potter, Noam Zylberman, Tony Rock, Lizzy Caplan, Cheryl Cole, Katherine Ryan, Fantasia Barrino, Hugh Sheridan, and Allegra Versace.

So, for the first time in what seems like forever, I have an entry that predates the 1980s!  I know, shocker, huh?

We aren't going back in time quite a half century yet.  But the date we are visiting is June 30, 1966.

And, here's some news for you.  Today's subject involves a musical interlude by one of the most successful all-female groups of all time.  And how appropriate that this single was recorded on one of the members' 33rd birthday?

Sadly, Florence Ballard would pass away just ten years later, in 1976.  But she, Mary Wilson, and Diana Ross enjoyed their eighth #1 single that November with this classic song about trying to seek independence from an abusive, loveless relationship.  A single that was recorded 49 years ago today.

ARTIST:  The Supremes

SONG:  You Keep Me Hangin' On

ALBUM:  The Supremes Sing Holland-Dozier-Holland

DATE RELEASED:  October 12, 1966

PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #1 for 2 weeks

Now, I have to admit, my first experience listening to this single was not by the Supremes.  Remember British pop/rock chanteuse Kim Wilde, who had hits with "Kids In America", "Chequered Love", and "You Came"?  Well, she too had a hit in 1987 covering this very single, and as someone who was six years old then and listened to pop radio at the time, I heard this version a lot.

But whether you liked Kim Wilde's version, or Vanilla Fudge's version, or Rod Stewart's version, or anyone else who has covered this single, you have to hand it to the Supremes.  They did it first, and they did it the best.

So, let's talk about the song lyrics.  I don't know if the lyrics were inspired by a real life event or not, but either way, the subject is about love done wrong from the perspective of the female.  Reading between the lines of the lyrics, we know that the guy did something that is unforgivable (he probably cheated on her with someone else).  And even though she wants to move on with her life, he seems determined to win back her heart at all costs. 

It's essentially one of those on-again, off-again relationship deals that goes in a complete circle.  Girl breaks it off with guy, guy keeps chasing her until she takes him back, then she tries to leave again, and it never ends.  That's very much the story of this song.

It's actually quite a disturbing song when you stop and think about it.  A song that I am sure a lot of women (and men) can relate to.  It must be hard enough trying to nurse an already broken heart.  Try doing so when the person who broke your heart in the first place still wants to be a part of your life.  They can only be friends, they say.  They want you in their life even though they don't really love you, they say.

Well, there's a saying that goes along with that.  If you love somebody, set them free.  And in the case of a broken down relationship, if you really love the other person, and you really want what's best for them, wouldn't you want to see them happy?  Ideally, you'd want them to be happy with you, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way.  So, the next thing to do would be to let them go and find happiness with someone who is able to do so, and hope that one day, you can find that with someone yourself.

Because two people who aren't in love with each other do not make a relationship.

It was a great message 49 years ago...and is a great message now.

The Greatest Show On Earth? Maybe Without Animals...

Now that school is out for summer, I imagine that many parents of children between the ages of four and eighteen are trying to figure out how to spend the next two months.

I know that in my family, it was pretty tough to keep all three of us kids occupied for very long.  My family didn't have a lot of disposable income readily available for vacations, so we never went to Walt Disney World, Hawaii, or even Niagara Falls.  As a result, practically all of our summer vacations were staycations. 

That said, the good thing about growing up in a small town was the fact that there were always a lot of summer activities to be found.  Especially in a small town that was situated about a half hour from a border crossing into the United States.

Now when I was younger, I remember being enrolled in a summer playground program where we played games, did arts and crafts, and learned about nature.  That was a period that lasted about six years, before the cost grew too expensive.

There were also local festivals such as our current town gathering celebration "RibFest", as well as past community events like "Riverfest" and "The Great Balloon Rodeo".  Even though these celebrations only lasted a total of a few days, they were jam packed with so much fun and excitement that you never got bored.

Oh, and don't forget about the occasional carnival and fair that would set up shop in town for a weekend or two.  I still have fond memories of chomping down on churros and sno-cones and then going on the Scrambler, hoping that somehow I would be able to keep the carnival food I just ate down.  Most of the time I succeeded, though I did have some close calls.

But one thing that I remember that I needed to do every summer was check and see when the circus was in town. 

For some reason, I always loved going to the circus when I was younger.  The circus was always such a place in which kids could really be kids, and where we could see dozens of different acts performing one right after another.

And, well...as someone who really liked concession stands at summer events, I have to say that there was something special about circus food.  You could eat all the buttered popcorn and cotton candy you wanted so as long as you had the funds to pay for them.  I also seem to remember that the admission to get into the circus was fairly inexpensive - only a few bucks a ticket.  This made it affordable entertainment for the whole family!

I'm sure that anyone who has ever attended a circus has their favourite acts that they loved to see, and of course, I had my list.

While some people I know have a fear of clowns (most likely spawned by the Stephen King book and miniseries "It" where Tim Curry played the delightfully frightening Pennywise), I must admit that the clowns were always delightful at any of the circuses that I attended.  They were goofy, they juggled balls, they tripped over their own clown feet...and they mingled with the audience as well.  Oh, and they gave out colouring books and crayons at the end of each performance, so you had to love that!

I also found myself mesmerized by trapeze artists and tightrope walkers.  As a kid, I would not even dare to try it (heck, at 34, my fear of heights would definitely keep me from attempting it), but watching them soar gracefully through the air was always exciting.  It's a shame that my town never held one of those Cirque du Soleil performances because I think that I would have really enjoyed watching them when I was younger.

What else did I like at the circus?  Well, I have to say that anything involving a unicycle was always fun to watch, whether it was a juggler, clown, or even the ringmaster himself!  I could never hope to learn how to ride a unicycle myself, but I think it's fun when other people do it!

But there are some things about going to the circus that I didn't like.

One such attraction was the one that was featured in one of the three rings of the circus while the performances were going on.  For a small fee, kids and their parents could climb up on top of the back of an elephant and ride around on its back for a few minutes.  And certainly many kids really wanted the chance to ride on an elephant's back.

But I was never one of those kids.  In fact, the whole idea of riding on an elephant scared me.

It wasn't necessarily because of the height thing, though it certainly was one factor.  Elephants are huge animals and for someone who gets vertigo standing on a balcony, it wouldn't have been a very good experience.

But I also have heard lots of horror stories about people being killed when elephants snap and lose control inside of circus tents.  That also prevented me from wanting to ride an elephant.

And as I grew older, I thought a lot of the elephants...and how miserable they must have been.  Instead of being free to roam the wild, they were kept in captivity, their only purpose serving as an organic carnival ride.  No wonder some of the elephants snapped.

And you know, it wasn't just the elephants that made me sad.  It was all of the acts that used animals. 

I never liked the lion tamer part of the circus.  I always thought that some of the tamers who took part in the circus were needlessly cruel to the lions and tigers and bears (oh my) that were featured in some of the circuses that I attended.  Some of them even used whips to keep the animals in check, which I cringed at.  It didn't make any sense to me why they would have to resort to hurting the animals in order to make them behave.  Have you ever seen any instances in which domesticated animals became tamer because they were physically abused?  I can't think of any.

Here's the deal.  I am not an animal rights activist by any means.  I am not a member of PETA or any other organization that protects animals.  But I also fail to see how continuing to use animals in circuses can be a good thing.  It's not that kids are even learning about nature in any way.  It's not like you were watching an episode of "The Crocodile Hunter" in which a trained professional was handling animals in a safe and humane manner.  Instead, you have people who feel that whipping animals into shape for the purpose of entertainment is the best way to operate a circus.

And, I don't believe that to be the case at all.

Now that I'm older, I still love the idea of a circus - but I would probably go to a circus that didn't use animal acts in it at all.  As I pointed out throughout this piece, there are lots of circus acts that don't use animals at all, and they can still be just as entertaining and fun.  And, while I realize that not all circuses that do use animals in their acts are abusive towards them, I've seen enough circuses to know that the animals who are abused deserve better.

I suppose that argument could go towards some zoos and marine parks as well, but admittedly, I've not gone to many of those.  But circuses...well, they can still be fun without the animals.

Of course, that's just my two nickels on the subject.  

Private Dancer

Have you ever had a moment in which you listen to a song on the radio, and you really enjoy it?  Well, of course you have.  Every single person who has ever been exposed to music has had that feeling at one time or another.

Let me rephrase the question.  Suppose you hear a song on the radio that has a great beat and smooth sound.  You might not really listen to the lyrics the first time around, or maybe you don't quite understand the lyrics.  All you care about is the music itself.  It's kind of like those teenagers from 1960s era "American Bandstand" rating the record.  As long as the song has a good beat and you can dance to it, that was really all that counted!

And suppose you hear this song months, or even years later, and you really listen to the lyrics closely, and you discover that the song is a little more...shall we say...seductive or adult in content than you initially believed.

Allow me to give you a perfect example of this in action.

Now, back when I was a young kid, AM radio music stations were beginning to slowly die out (only to be replaced with talk radio and weather broadcasts sometime in the 1990s), and FM radio was all the rage.  One of the favourite stations to listen to back in the mid-1980s was PAC-93, based out of Ogdensburg, New York.  The station has since changed its format to oldies music and has moved a few notches down the dial to the 98 region, but back in the mid-1980s, it was your generic Top 40 radio station with Billboard hits, new artists, and a dose of Casey Kasem every Sunday afternoon.

I think I was around four...maybe five when I first heard this song.  And weirdly enough, I am pretty sure that I was at a gas station when I first heard it.  Whether we were out to fill up our tank, or getting a car wash, or just wanted to grab a quick snack of Doritos and Bonkers fruit chews (anyone remember those?), I do remember being in a car at least when the song first played.  It was a smooth, jazzy like song, and when I was four, I think I really liked songs like that.  I grew up having a soft spot for R&B music, and certainly Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder, and Kool and the Gang were big in the music scene in my preschool years.

This song was performed by a female artist who had become a huge star by teaming up with her husband.  They had a string of hits in the 1960s and 1970s, but when this woman ended up on the receiving end of hits caused by her husband, the partnership and marriage ended and she tried to go it alone.

In 1984, you could say that this artist made a huge comeback and released one of the biggest albums of the year.  Seven of the nine singles were released, and many of them peaked within the Top 10.  One particular single, "What's Love Got To Do With It" topped the charts for several weeks!

Not bad for a 44-year-old woman with the legs of a nineteen year old, huh?

So, for today's edition of the Sunday Jukebox, let's take a look at the title track from this album - which unbeknownst to my then four-year-old self had a deeper, more adult subject attached to it.

ARTIST:  Tina Turner

SONG:  Private Dancer

ALBUM:  Private Dancer

DATE RELEASED:  October 28, 1984

PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS:  #7

She's your private dancer, dancing for money, do what you want her to do.

Well, not really.  At this stage in her life, I doubt that ANYONE could ever tell Tina Turner what to do with herself.  But boy did she have a great 1984!  Not only did this song peak at #7 on the Billboard Charts, but the "Private Dancer" album charted multi-platinum in several different countries, including Canada, the United States, the United Kingdom, Australia, and Germany.  And the album earned Turner a total of four Grammy Awards, including the awards for "Record of the Year" and "Song of the Year" for "What's Love Got To Do With It?"

But for this entry, we're going to talk about "Private Dancer".  That's the song I remember hearing at that gas station when I was four.  The song that I absolutely loved.  The song that I couldn't stop dancing along to.

(Well, okay, the only part I danced to was the part where she sings about deutsch marks, and dollars, and American Express will do nicely, thank you.  That part was always my favourite of the whole song.  Still is.)

Of course, little did I know that when Tina was singing about different kinds of currencies and credit cards, she was really singing from the perspective of a call girl, a hooker, a lady of the night.

Yes, one of the main interpretations of the song lyrics do seem to make a huge reference to the world's oldest profession.  Prostitution.  And admittedly, I had no idea what prostitution was.  Which is good, considering that I was four.  If asked at four, I probably would have guessed that it had something to do with milk.

(Which, of course, is pasteurization.)

But a quick examination of the lyrical content seems to prove this to be the case.  Dancing for money in front of strange men whose names she isn't supposed to know, or faces they aren't supposed to look at, all the while dreaming of a better life for herself.  Come on, the symbolism is obvious here!  I can totally picture it.

Problem is, if Tina Turner offered up a music video that depicted her as a prostitute or a stripper, MTV would likely not have aired it, and "Private Dancer" might have been buried underneath a sea of controversy and Parental Advisory stickers, courtesy of Tipper Gore and the PMRC.  So a safer music video was made where Tina portrays a bitter ballroom dancer.

I suppose you could say that Tina was doing "Dancing With The Stars" a good 20 years before the show debuted on television!

Either way, both interpretations do have merit, and I suppose the safer explanation allowed the song to be played on radio and MTV.  Good thing too.  I personally think the song is one of Tina's best.  It would have been cruel to have not released it.

But did you know that "Private Dancer" wasn't intended for Tina to record?  At least, not at first.  Believe it or not, the song was supposed to be for this group!

Can you seriously picture Dire Straits singing "Private Dancer"?  Apparently, neither could they.  According to Dire Straits lead singer Mark Knopfler, the track was supposed to go on their 1982 album "Love Over Gold", but just before the album was being edited, Knopfler decided that "Private Dancer" was one of those songs that sounded much better coming from a female singer, so the track was cut.

I often wonder if the band ever regretted the decision to let Tina have the song.  After all, it was a Top 10 hit for her.  Though, given that the group would have a #1 hit months later with "Money For Nothing", I don't think they were too disappointed.  

Oh, and one final thing.  This is the blog's 1,500th post!  So...hooray!

Why You Should Vote For The New Archies

Okay, so before I go ahead with today's entry, I wanted to take the time to offer my absolute support for the fact that LGBTQ people are now able to be legally married in all fifty states.  It has definitely been a long time coming (my nation of Canada has had this in place for ten years now), and long overdue.  To all of my LGBTQ pals out there, congratulations! 

Oh, and save me a slice of wedding cake.  One thing I love more than seeing everyone get equal rights is a nice slice of wedding cake.  Preferably chocolate, but I can do vanilla as well.  No strawberries though.  I'm allergic.

And now, on with what I was supposed to talk about.  What was it I was talking about again?  Oh, yes.  I'm supposed to come up with a final plea for you to vote on the final choice in the cartoon reviewing poll that I have on my blog!  First, in case you missed it, the summary - yet again!

Well, you guys and gals may have noticed that I have a poll posted in this very blog.  And this poll will give you the power to choose which retro cartoon you want me to review every episode of.

Now, I should state that when I say every episode, I mean every episode.  One entry could be a full 22 minute episode, while another could be an 11 minute half episode.  Apparently the 1980s were popular for half episodes for some reason.

Well, I thought that since I changed the date of the poll to July 15, I thought that I would use this opportunity to make a case for each of the four shows.  That way, it might make you think about your vote a little bit more.

Just to show you what I mean by "reviewing" a show, I'll post a couple of links for you.  Click HERE for "Full House Reviewed" and click HERE for "Saved By The Bell Reviewed". 

Mine will follow a similar format - only with less swearing.  I want to keep this blog PG rated so that all audiences can enjoy it.  Not trying to wuss out here.  Just trying to take all ages into consideration.

So, from now until Saturday, June 27 (that's today!), I'll be making a case for one of these shows, just so you can have a bit of an idea as to what to expect in these reviews.

So, we've already given arguments for "The Care Bears Family", "Inspector Gadget", and "Jem and the Holograms".  And in today's entry, we'll be looking at the last choice. 

This is my argument for why you should choose "The New Archies".

Why should you choose "The New Archies"? 

Well, if brevity is your thing, "The New Archies" is definitely the choice you want.  There were only thirteen episodes made of the series, each one with two eleven-minute mini-episodes.  So, this series will only last twenty-six weeks. 

(Or, the end of December 2015.)

It is also a show that is linked to my all-time favourite hobby.  You all know about my love of Archie Comics, and certainly "The New Archies" is definitely part of the Archie Comics family.  It's what Archie and the gang would look like as junior high school students, and certainly the adventures that they have are quite similar to the ones that they would have as high school students.

So you can expect me to have the most general knowledge about this series of all the four.  I've seen all the episodes and can tell you what happened in each one from memory.

And much like Jem and the Holograms, this show is definitely a product of the 1980s.  You'll hear out of date slang, see out of date fashions, and generally, you'll have an out of date experience.  "The New Archies" has not aged well at all, and I will definitely point out how dated the show really is compared to 2015!

Other footnotes you can expect...

Expect me to make fun of Veronica's Valley Girl accent.  A lot.

You can expect me to try to explain the appearances of some characters, as well as the disappearance of other characters.  Seriously, they jettison Chuck Clayton and Midge Klump, but keep Fangs Fogarty?  How completely random.

We'll do some character analyses on the Riverdale crew and see if they even match who they are in the comic books.  I especially want you to pay close attention to Veronica in this one.  She's quite the case study.

As much as I hate the show "Fashion Police", we have to talk about it in this series.  Jughead's pink hat.  Betty's wild hair.  Veronica...and whatever the hell it is she's wearing.  We'll go over it all.

(Yeah, I can see me ragging on Veronica a LOT in this one.)

You know, even though the show's run isn't as long as the other three...I could really have a lot of fun with this topic.  But that's only if you choose to vote for "The New Archies".

So, now that you've heard all the choices, which one would you like to see me review?  You can vote in this poll on the blog on the right hand side, and I will make the final announcement July 15.

Oh, one last thing.  If there is a tie, I will do two shows at the same time.

Happy voting!

Why You Should Vote For Jem And The Holograms

Well, you guys and gals may have noticed that I have a poll posted in this very blog.  And this poll will give you the power to choose which retro cartoon you want me to review every episode of.

Now, I should state that when I say every episode, I mean every episode.  One entry could be a full 22 minute episode, while another could be an 11 minute half episode.  Apparently the 1980s were popular for half episodes for some reason.

Well, I thought that since I changed the date of the poll to July 15, I thought that I would use this opportunity to make a case for each of the four shows.  That way, it might make you think about your vote a little bit more.

Just to show you what I mean by "reviewing" a show, I'll post a couple of links for you.  Click HERE for "Full House Reviewed" and click HERE for "Saved By The Bell Reviewed".  Mine will follow a similar format - only with less swearing.  I want to keep this blog PG rated so that all audiences can enjoy it.  Not trying to wuss out here.  Just trying to take all ages into consideration.

So, from now until Saturday, June 27, I'll be making a case for one of these shows, just so you can have a bit of an idea as to what to expect in these reviews.

(I'll probably be doing this for the remaining two days as well, so don't be too alarmed if this seems like a bit of regurgitation.  In fact, you've probably noticed that I recopied this whole piece from yesterday!  Don't worry.  We only have today and tomorrow left to get through.

Okay, so we've already pleaded our cases for both Inspector Gadget and The Care Bears Family.  In today's plea to the jury (that's you), I will be offering up some arguments for why you should choose the following show.

So, why Jem and the Holograms?  Why now?

I suppose part of it could be the fact that the show is celebrating their thirtieth anniversary this year, and that a feature film version with real actors is going to be screening in theatres this October.  Mind you, the film trailer was slaughtered by fans as being anything but Jem-like, but I won't be covering that film.

Instead, I'll be reviewing every single episode of Jem that was ever broadcast.  That's 65 episodes in a row, that weekly will take us until next October. 

It's also a show in which I've probably only seen a few of the episodes.  I know that YTV used to air the complete first season over and over again, but this show ran for three years.  There's a whole lot of material that I still have yet to cover.

Oh, and this cartoon celebrates the 1980s with big hair, bigger egos, and enough fishnet stockings to scoop every fish out of the Atlantic Ocean.

So, what can you expect to see if you vote for Jem?  Well, in this case, I'll do this by quotes that I coined.

"Really, Kimber?" - Kimber is the youngest member of the rock band known as Jem and the Holograms...and she also happens to be as dumb as a box of rocks in this entire season.  And yes.  I will point out every single instance of this.  I may even do a tally on how many times she says the word "OUTRAGEOUS!" in the series.  If I remember.

"That's Impossible!" - I will be saying this phrase a lot in this series, as the cartoon does things that are near impossible...even by cartoon standards.  If you pick this option, I hear that episode twelve is filled with many of these.

"What The Hell, Ba Nee?" - Like Kimber, Ba Nee has made some rather ridiculous and dangerous choices over the course of the series.  And yes, I will point out every "What The Hell, Ba Nee" instance that occurs.

(Gee, maybe I should make a drinking game of this show.)

"Poor Stormer" - Stormer is easily considered to be the softie of the Misfits - the rival band of Jem and the Holograms.  And sometimes it causes her to be laughed at or turned on.  I'll point this out in every week it happens.

"Jem/Jerrica Is A Terrible Foster Mother!" - Seriously, how do the Starlight Girls even get through daily life with her in charge?  I mean, she tries her best, but sometimes she deals with her girls as if she had her brain sucked out with a straw!

"Next On The Charts" - I did some research on this show.  Did you know that there were 187 music videos made in this show?  And that 151 of these music videos were original songs?  This means repeats of some songs.  We'll not only review every single one of Jem's songs, but we will also look at videos by the Misfits, the Stingers, the Starlight Girls, some rocker from the 1950s, and some girl named Laura who almost jumps off a roof in a drug-induced haze...

...you thought I was kidding about that last part?  Vote for this cartoon, and you will see if I'm kidding.  I may even throw in a couple of public service announcements to review at that!

But of course, that is if you vote for Jem and the Holograms.

But keep your vote in your mind until I explain the last choice.  The New Archies are on deck to plead their case tomorrow!

Why You Should Vote For Inspector Gadget

Hey, everyone!  Just because I'm feeling a little bit lazy, I thought that I would just recopy the first part of yesterday's blog to reintroduce the fact that I have a poll going on and that I want you to vote in it to have your say on what classic cartoon series you want me to review.

Well, you guys and gals may have noticed that I have a poll posted in this very blog.  And this poll will give you the power to choose which retro cartoon you want me to review every episode of.

Now, I should state that when I say every episode, I mean every episode.  One entry could be a full 22 minute episode, while another could be an 11 minute half episode.  Apparently the 1980s were popular for half episodes for some reason.

Well, I thought that since I changed the date of the poll to July 15, I thought that I would use this opportunity to make a case for each of the four shows.  That way, it might make you think about your vote a little bit more.

Just to show you what I mean by "reviewing" a show, I'll post a couple of links for you.  Click HERE for "Full House Reviewed" and click HERE for "Saved By The Bell Reviewed".  Mine will follow a similar format - only with less swearing.  I want to keep this blog PG rated so that all audiences can enjoy it.  Not trying to wuss out here.  Just trying to take all ages into consideration.

So, from now until Saturday, June 27, I'll be making a case for one of these shows, just so you can have a bit of an idea as to what to expect in these reviews.

(I'll probably be doing this for the remaining two days as well, so don't be too alarmed if this seems like a bit of regurgitation.)

So yesterday I tried to convince all of you to hear me out on why you should choose The Care Bears Family for this post.  Well, today I will be convincing all of you to choose "Inspector Gadget".

You know, I think of all the theme songs for these choices, I like the "Inspector Gadget" one the best.  But of course, that shouldn't be the only reason you vote for this cartoon.  No way.

So, why should you vote for "Inspector Gadget"?  Well, of all the shows, it happens to be the one that I know the most about.  I must have watched every single episode of the show's first season a hundred times or more, and I even own the complete first season on DVD.  So, getting my hands on all of the episodes of the first season won't be a problem at all.

And yes, I keep on saying first season.  Initially, I was only going to do the first season of 65 episodes.  In Canada, that was all that we had to watch.  In fact, it wasn't until recently that I discovered that a second season of the show aired in 1985 and produced an additional 21 episodes of the show, bringing the final count to 86 episodes.  Reviewing the show for the next 86 weeks will take us to February or March 2017, whereas if I only did the first 65, it would last only until October 2016.  Again, I haven't decided what I will do yet, but you can guarantee that it will go for 65 weeks anyway.

If you choose this option, you can expect to see the following;

You will learn what ALL of Gadget's gadgets are, and what they do.  I promise that I will keep track of them all and list them all at the end.  It may very well be the most comprehensive list that you will ever see.

I'll also point out how technology in "Inspector Gadget" seemed way ahead of its time.  Seriously, what's the difference between Penny's computer book and a tablet?  Not much.  Though, I admit I still want a computer book.

You'll also get a list of all of Brain's clever costumes.  Seriously, Brain is a master of disguise.

And you will also learn a lot about real and fictional nations of the world.  Don't worry.  I'll clarify which is which for you.

We can expect a lot of snarky comments about Dr. Claw's henchmen and henchwomen - who may very well be just as mentally incompetent as Gadget himself.

We'll keep a tally of how many times Penny has almost died in the show.  Believe me, there's a lot of them.  I don't know if it will surpass the times Chief Quimby gets blown up, but it'll be a high number.

And for that matter, we'll discuss how many times Gadget himself has nearly died - usually as a result of his own stupidity.

Trust me.  Voting for Inspector Gadget will be an endless supply of snark, wit, and laughter.  It'll be fun, but only if you vote "Inspector Gadget".

So if you want at least 65 weeks of entertaining commentary, choose choice #2.

If not, vote for #1 or listen to the other two arguments.  I'll be pleading the case of Jem and the Holograms in tomorrow's entry.

Why You Should Vote For The Care Bears Family

Well, you guys and gals may have noticed that I have a poll posted in this very blog.  And this poll will give you the power to choose which retro cartoon you want me to review every episode of.

Now, I should state that when I say every episode, I mean every episode.  One entry could be a full 22 minute episode, while another could be an 11 minute half episode.  Apparently the 1980s were popular for half episodes for some reason.

Well, I thought that since I changed the date of the poll to July 15, I thought that I would use this opportunity to make a case for each of the four shows.  That way, it might make you think about your vote a little bit more.

Just to show you what I mean by "reviewing" a show, I'll post a couple of links for you.  Click HERE for "Full House Reviewed" and click HERE for "Saved By The Bell Reviewed".  Mine will follow a similar format - only with less swearing.  I want to keep this blog PG rated so that all audiences can enjoy it.  Not trying to wuss out here.  Just trying to take all ages into consideration.

So, from now until Saturday, June 27, I'll be making a case for one of these shows, just so you can have a bit of an idea as to what to expect in these reviews.

Okay, so let's start with the first choice.

Why should you vote for me to review "The Care Bears Family"?  Well, the show was one that I watched as a kid.  Heck, I'll openly admit to the fact that "The Care Bears Movie" was the very first movie that I ever saw in a movie theatre.  And while I admit to loving the show when I was a child, I must also admit that it is more fun to make fun of it.

Let's face it.  The Care Bears Family was like the "Full House" of cartoons.  Super schmaltzy, super cheesy, and every episode had to have some sort of moral.  It's certainly got a lot of ammunition to work with.

And certainly with the Care Bears running three seasons in Canada (1986-1988), there's certainly a lot of material to cover.  I counted all the episodes (full and half) that I will be reviewing, and there's a total of 78 episodes.  So, if I do one episode a week, you can expect a Care Bears entry weekly from now until January 2017! 

So, be warned.  If you vote for The Care Bears Family, I'll be going through two Christmases with them.  So, make your choice wisely.  If the thought of having Care Bears for the next year and a half scares you, this may not be the right choice for you.

But if you do want to go ahead with this vote, here's what you can expect.

You can expect there to be a lot of discussion about the Care Bear Stare.  It seems hard to believe that a little tummy symbol could be so frightening.  Maybe if you get hit by it, you disintegrate into a pile of smoldering ash.  At least, that's my theory.

You can expect me to make fun of Beastly.  Beastly is our village idiot, and he certainly does some really stupid things for No Heart's attention, which I will point out at every single opportunity.

You can also expect me to rake that shrieking harpy shrew of a woman known as "Shrieky" over the coals.  God, can they not have come up with a more annoying character?  Thankfully she doesn't appear in the show until season two.

Prior to that, we have Hugs and Tugs to share in the annoyance factor.  They get really obnoxious in the third season, in which the show may as well have been renamed "The Hugs & Tugs Show featuring Grams Bear".

I'll also be talking about some of the voice actors from the show, and what other roles they played in other cartoons.  Bet you can't guess which Care Bear ended up becoming one of the Sailor Scouts on "Sailor Moon"!

Remember how I said that every episode of "The Care Bears Family" had a moral or a lesson to learn?  I'll be bringing up every single one.  In a select few, they make perfect sense.  In others, there's a lot of hypocrisy to be had.  Don't worry.  I'll point out each case in detail.

Oh, and one more thing.  They totally rip off "Star Trek".  Like, for real.  In like five or six different episodes at that!  You have been warned.

So, if all of those things appeal to you, by all means, put me through 78 weeks of reviewing the Care Bears. 

If not, stay tuned for the other three descriptions.  Tomorrow, I'll put together a case for "Inspector Gadget".