A
few years ago, I wrote a piece about Super Mario Brothers, and I came up with
the theory that things would be a lot simpler if we had 1-Up Mushrooms around
whenever we wanted them.
You
know what I mean, right? Those
wonderful green and white mushrooms that allow you to get another chance to
complete a level? Not so much needed in
the first couple of worlds of the standard Mario game, but definitely an asset
in future Mario levels.
Case
in point - World 6 in Super Mario Brothers 3.
The idea to create an ice world was sadistic. You hear me, Nintendo?
Absolutely sadistic.
Anyway,
I was thinking...wouldn't the world be a much better place if we had 1-Up
Mushrooms in it? We would never have to
worry about getting sick. All we have
to do is eat one and voila. Instant
recovery. Worried that you might do
something that could kill you? Keep a
1-Up Mushroom in your pocket, and you instantly get a second chance to try
again.
Of
course, this is not the world of Mario, and our world has much bigger threats
than Goombas, Koopa Paratroopas, Cheep Cheeps, and Bowser and his
Koopalings. In the real world, not even
a 1-Up Mushroom is a guarantee for immortality.
But
it did get me thinking. If I could pick
ten (and only ten) items from every Super Mario Brothers game ever created, and
use them to benefit myself in this crazy wacky world, what ten would I choose?
Obviously,
as mentioned above...
1.
1-UP MUSHROOMS
But
can I come up with nine more Super Mario Accessories that I think we need in
this world?
Well,
I'll give it my best shot!
2.
YOSHI
This
is probably a no-brainer here. As much
as I hate to refer to the lovable Yoshi as a possession, there really are a
number of reasons why you need a Yoshi in your life.
Firstly,
he's so cute looking, and can come in two sizes. Large Yoshi and Small Yoshi.
I wouldn't recommend riding on the small one though. You may hurt him.
Secondly,
he comes in a variety of decorative colours to fit your home! Originally in green, blue, red, and yellow,
the release of Super Mario World 2 provided several more colours of Yoshi. By now, I wouldn't be shocked to hear that
there was one Yoshi to match every Crayola crayon colour.
Lastly...he
can eat things that are pests. Wasps,
hornets, walking cacti...he can eat it all!
Just don't make him eat fire.
It'll give him heartburn.
3.
STARMAN
Even
better than a 1-Up Mushroom as far as I'm concerned, grabbing one of these
stars will grant you temporary invincibility!
Having trouble with a schoolyard bully, an annoying neighbour, or an
evil feral dog in your backyard? No
problem. You can get rid of them no
problem.
The
only con? Starman powers only last a
total of eight seconds. So, you need to
either act quickly or stockpile about ten thousand of them.
4.
BLUE TURTLE SHELLS
Now,
blue turtle shells are probably one of the rarest colours of shells to have
appeared in Super Mario games. Their
first appearance was in 1990's "Super Mario World". But they became quite useful in the Super
Mario Kart series.
You
see, blue turtle shells act as homing devices.
You shoot it, and it will automatically blow up the car that happens to
be in first place. It's a great, but
cheap way to win a race.
And
the more I think of it, it would be a great way to take care of those motorists
who hog the road and who think they own the streets. Though I'm not a fan of eye for an eye behaviour, the blue turtle
shell method is probably the only way they'd learn.
5.
P-WING
I'm
not really a fan of heights, and I certainly haven't been on an airplane (I
admit that despite the claims that air travel is safe, I still get nervous
about the prospect of flying). If only
there were a guaranteed way to fly without having to worry about crashing or
falling.
Well,
the P-Wing - introduced in Super Mario 3 - allows you to fly through an entire
level without worry. The wings are
enchanted and will work as long as you don't willingly crash into
anything. Given how open the skies are,
I don't think that would be much of a problem.
Though I would probably have to wear sunglasses to block out the height
fear.
6.
FIRE FLOWER
No
longer will you have to rub two sticks together to create fire. Just pick one of these and you can start a
bonfire in seconds. Just don't get too
close to your house. You'll burn it
down.
7.
LAZY SHELL
This
gigantic shell can be considered one of Super Mario RPG: The Legend of The
Seven Stars' ultimate weapons. It
definitely packs a major punch if kicked correctly.
It
can also take out any enemy that crosses your path. Could make walking down the streets of dangerous neighbourhoods a
lot safer.
8.
GOLD COINS
Wouldn't
paying your bills be so much easier if these things were randomly scattered
around the world?
9.
WARP WHISTLE
Made
popular in Super Mario 3, warp whistles can magically take Mario from one world
to another. In the game, it can help
Mario defeat Bowser quicker by bypassing some of the more difficult
worlds. But in the real world, it would
be an awesome way to visit places all over the world in a matter of
seconds. You could visit San Francisco,
Miami, London, Sydney, and Tokyo in a 24-hour time frame with a few warp
whistles!
10.
STOPWATCHES
These
elusive items are only found in Super Mario 2, but they can do something that
could come in handy. Much like Evie's
finger touch in "Out Of This World" and Zack Morris' "Time
Out", stopwatches can stop time for everyone else around you EXCEPT
YOU! Think of the things that you can
do!
So,
what other items can you think of that could work in the real world?
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