New Archies Reviewed - Episode 7B: Jughead The Jinx

Hello. everyone!  Are you looking forward to another edition of The New Archies Reviewed?  I have to tell you, it's been fun to do this.  I forgot how badly this cartoon has aired, and I'm thinking of bringing back random 1980s slang, just to see how the 2015 generation reacts.  I figure that since it's "Back To The Future" week, it's totally radical timing, dude!

Sorry.  I'll stop now.

Okay, so what episode were we on?  Oh, yeah...we were finishing up episode seven.  The first part of episode seven was one I really liked, and as of right now is my favourite episode.  Let's see what the second half brings us.

Episode 7B:  Jughead the Jinx.  Hmmm...if I recall, I did like this one as well.  Not as much as "Red to the Rescue", but it's enjoyable enough.  And, do you realize that this is the FOURTH episode where Jughead has a starring role?  He's sure come a long way from the first episode where he spoke all of twelve words - one of which was Feltzig.

And our episode begins...in an African desert?!?  Whoa, where the hell did Riverdale Junior High get the money in the budget to send the whole school to Africa on a field trip?  Oh, wait.  They only sent Jughead.  And Jughead's having a very miserable time, crawling through sand dunes, dying of hunger and thirst.  I'm guessing that based on what we know about Jughead, he's only been there for twelve seconds, but what do I know?

And after mistaking a desert oasis for a burger and fries, Jughead happens to trip over a lamp in the middle of the desert.  He rubs the lamp, out pops a blue hued Genie that sounds like the late Robin Williams, and Jughead transforms into Aladdin and sails off to rescue the beautiful Princess Jasmine.

No, wait.  That's the Disney movie, "Aladdin", which has recently been re-released.  Do check it out.  It's one of my favourite Disney films.

So, right off the bat, Jughead wishes for hamburgers, and the Genie grants him his wish, and just for fun he gives Jughead a gong and a mallet, telling him that if he wants more, to just hit the gong.  Either Jughead's hit the jackpot, or he's dreaming.

Yep.  He's spotted Patrick Duffy coming out of the shower and realizes that yes, he has been dreaming.  After all, we see the disturbing image of Jughead holding a baseball bat while feathers are coming out of his mouth from him trying to eat his hamburger shaped pillow.

But Jughead seems more concerned over the fact that in his sleep induced haze, he took the bat and smashed his mirror to smithereens.  And now Jughead has been cursed with back luck, lasting him straight through...1994.

And right off the bat, Jughead's luck seems to be working against him.  While most students would be thrilled to be the representatives to give a royal couple from an obviously fictional nation the key to the city in a ceremony, when Miss Grundy announces that Jughead is getting the honour, it causes Reggie and Veronica to react with disgust, Archie to cheer for Jughead, and Jughead wishing he was back in that desert re-enacting "The Gong Show" with that genie.

Over at Pop Tate's, Archie, Betty, and Eugene take Jughead out to dinner to celebrate his being chosen to meet with the royal couple, but all Jughead can do is worry about how he is cursed, and how the whole evening will be a disaster, which leads to this awesome sight gag seen above!

Betty tries to calm him down, and Eugene tells Jughead to eat his burger and shut up about being a jinx.  Jughead obliges, not realizing that he has overloaded his burger with ketchup and he squirts some on the floor.

Enter Moose who slips on the puddle of ketchup and crashes right onto the table where Betty, Jughead, Eugene, and Archie are seated. 

I tell you...it's a hamburger massacre.  Maybe Jughead is jinxed!

Oh, and here comes Veronica, who seems to have come back to her senses following her personality transplant last episode and has handed Jughead a list of do's and do not do's for the royal gathering.  After all, the gala is being held at Lodge Mansion, so it's definitely crucial to HER reputation that everything goes well.

And Jughead responds by throwing a strawberry milkshake all over Veronica, which is totally how I would react as well.  But in Jughead's case, it was purely accidental, and now Jughead is convinced that he's going to blow the whole thing.  Fortunately, Archie, Betty, and Eugene have decided to stick by Jughead through the ceremony to make sure that it goes off without a hitch.

Which is when we are treated to a scene of Reggie with a Cheshire cat grin on his face, listening in on the conversation at Pop's front entrance.  See, Reggie is upset that Jughead got chosen to greet the royal couple instead of him, and now he wants revenge.  And he plans to use Jughead's superstitious nature against him.

At the Lodge Mansion, a crew of people are working together to get the place ready for the royal gala - which let's just say is on a Friday the thirteenth, just for the hell of it - and Reggie is already making mischief.  He's carrying four large balloons filled with water (which must show that Reggie has superhuman strength as I can't even carry ONE that huge without it busting), and he's placing them in the balloon drop mechanism over the stage.  But just as he's placing the last balloon in, Veronica comes in and startles Reggie so much that he falls off the ladder, breaks his neck, and dies.

Just kidding.

Actually, Veronica has come in to ask Reggie a favour.  Since Veronica knows that Jughead isn't exactly a member of the upper crust, she wants Reggie to teach Jughead how to greet the royal couple properly.  

Judging by the look of Reggie's eyes in that very moment, he's thinking two things.  One, he wants to make Jughead crash and burn.  Two, he's craving Hawaiian luau food.

Either way, Reggie sees the request as another opportunity to ruin the event for Jughead, and he teaches Jughead the "royal greeting" of the fictional nation that the King and Queen are from - which apparently involves a cross between a jumping jack, the hokey pokey, and an early version of the Macarena.  It's just as goofy as this screenshot looks, believe me.

Oh, and to top it off, Reggie hands Jughead the official "walking stick" of the country and tells him to perform the greeting carrying it.  I wonder what's so special about that stick anyway?

Now, here's where things get really entertaining.  While Reggie continues to booby trap the ball room, which includes placing remote controls around the building to activate the water balloon drop and spring loaded punch bowl, Veronica happens to walk in on Jughead performing the totally bogus greeting that Reggie taught him.  And instead of getting suspicious, Veronica insists that Jughead show her how to do it so she can greet them properly! 

It's the night of the gala and everybody from Riverdale Junior High is dressed in their Sunday best...well, by late 1980s standards, anyway.  And, Reggie has an evil grin on his face as he tries everything possible to wreck the gala so that he can make Jughead look foolish.  And when he spots Betty and Archie giving Jughead a pep talk by the punch bowl, Reggie activates the switch on his remote control to douse the three with delicious fruit punch...

...only it doesn't work.  Seems like Reggie's been using cheap batteries or his Slinky spring has malfunctioned.  See, I may not be a huge believer in good luck, but I am a firm believer in karmic retribution.  And Reggie's jealousy is starting to come back to bitch slap him into next century.

(Which, granted in New Archies time is only thirteen or fourteen years, but still.)

It's time for the ceremony to begin and Veronica introduces the King and Queen of...okay, I'll admit it.  I don't even remember what the name of the country is that they're representing.  I'll have to rewatch this later at some point.

Anyway, Veronica opens the ceremony by doing the greeting that Jughead taught her that he learned from Reggie, who made it up just to embarrass Jughead.  Instead, Reggie is mortified that he has instead humiliated Veronica until the King and Queen do the greeting themselves!  Another lucky break for Jughead, who goes on stage and greets the royal couple the exact same way!

But Reggie still has his trump card.  If the punch bowl gag didn't work, surely the water balloon drop trick would.  Sure enough Reggie grabs another remote and activates a remote control hidden amongst the hundreds of balloons located up above. 

Of course, you can't drop balloons over someone without it being New Years' Eve, the opening of a new business, or giving a royal couple a key to the city, so Jughead has to honour his duties by giving them the key and telling them to "have a nice day"!  I'm pretty sure that Veronica must be seething over the fact that Jughead seems to be acting more like a Walmart door greeter than a royal representative, but for now, we'll just go with it.

It is then that the Queen notices Jughead's "walking stick", and Jughead politely hands over the stick when the couple wants to take notice.  Back on the floor, Reggie's remote control is once again acting up.  Reggie did remember to charge those rechargeable batteries, didn't he?

It turns out that the walking stick isn't a walking stick at all.  It's an umbrella.  But isn't it bad luck to open up an umbrella indoors?

Well, if you're Jughead, it turns out to be a blessing.  At the moment the umbrella pops up, Reggie's water balloon drop releases sending cascades of water flowing down.  Geez, how much water did Reggie fill those balloons with?

Fortunately, Jughead's quick thinking prevents him and the royal couple from getting completely drenched.  But poor Veronica looks like a drowned rat, and she is absolutely furious.

Especially since she remembers seeing Reggie put something in the balloon drop hours earlier.  And let me tell you.  An angry Veronica is to be feared. 

Reggie tries to run away from Veronica, but backs into the punch bowl which NOW decides to activate.  Reggie is doused by punch, Veronica slips on the punch and knocks Amani and Betty over.  Betty knocks over Archie and Eugene, who crash into Mr. Weatherbee and MS. Grundy, who crash into Moose who then sails into the support beams of the stage.  Nice use of the entire cast there!

Wait.  Moose took out the support beams of the stage?  That means that the King and Queen are in danger of getting injured!  But wait!  Jughead defies the laws of physics and manages to grab onto the King and Queen and all three of them float safely to the ground.

Someone who isn't safe?  Reggie.  He's holding his arm and has punch in his eye, and he is calling for a medic!  Seems like he's been cut by the broken crystal pieces of what was left of the punch bowl.  It's a good thing the animators used pink for the punch.  If they had used red, it may not have been suitable for a children's cartoon!

Outside the Lodge Mansion, a crowd gathers to watch Veronica publicly tear a strip off of Reggie who completely ruined HER event!  But luckily for Reggie there was a doctor in the house to bandage up Reggie's arm for him!  How's that for plot contrivance?

You want to know what else is contrived?  Jughead blaming HIMSELF for how the event went, claiming that he really is a jinx.  But everyone else in the Riverdale Peanuts gang call Jughead Jones a blockhead, and remind him that when Reggie's gags went out of hand, he saved the King and Queen from getting injured!

This causes Jughead to react with happiness saying that his luck has changed, and he seems to have found a four-leaf clover confirming it.

Well, that is until Jughead realizes that the clover only has three leaves.  But it doesn't matter.  Jughead doesn't need lucky charms to get him through life...not when he has good friends.

And of course, the episode ends like an episode of "Fame", with Jughead and his friends coming together for a high-five session.

Okay, so maybe the ending of the episode was lame, but I do like this one.  I didn't know that Jughead was so superstitious and that he went so crazy over them, but he still went ahead with his responsibilities which show that he is a strong person.  And once again, Reggie gets his comeuppance.

Speaking of Reggie...if you like him, the next episode of New Archies Reviewed is all about him.  And in this case, the gang decide that the best way to get Reggie to stop being a jerk is to be nice to him.  We'll see how that works out!