New Month. New Attitude. New Thoughts On Love

October 1, 2015

New month.  New attitude.  New perspectives.  Kind of ironic that my thoughts would be all about newness when outside the weather is getting cooler and the trees are undressing for the winter. 

But you know, these last three months have been all about changes, and believe me when I say that I've made quite a lot of them.  I'm living in a new place that I absolutely love.  I've developed a whole new love for writing now that I don't do it as often, and I'm finding that now that I don't have to keep to a schedule, it's much easier to come up with more ideas.

I'm also finding it a good idea to mingle and socialize with brand new people as well.  Let's face it, I've made some mistakes in trusting people over the years and I've learned a lot from those experiences.  From now on, I only want to surround myself with people who are positive, happy, and genuinely want to be around me.

Trust me.  I want this more than ever.  I just fled a place in which everyone was completely miserable.  Never again will I subject myself to that.  Those people can live in misery together as far as I'm concerned.  They aren't worth my time any more.

In fact, I send to them one final message via a song.  Warning:  the song does contain a certain 4-letter word, so parents take caution.



Ah.  That's better.  Let's continue on.

Anyway, there's a lot of things that I've been thinking about in regards to changes and life and all that jazz.  And one of the things that has changed is my stance on quite a few personal things.

One of those things just happens to be love.

And, yes, I know.  This is kind of bad timing to be writing a post about love when Valentine's Day is not until February.  But the way I see it, I have three reasons why I want to talk about it now.  One, it's in my mind at the moment and I want to get it out.  Two, I personally believe that Valentine's Day is an excuse to buy your significant other candy so they can dump you for making them fat.  And three, I find Halloween surprisingly romantic.  Look at Gomez and Morticia Addams!  They have one of the strongest sitcom marriages ever!

When I was younger - like say, seven or eight years old - I didn't really understand the concept of love or marriage all that much.  I knew that my parents were married, and I knew that they loved each other back then as they do now.  But I didn't really know what it felt like to be married, and I didn't understand why people had weddings.  To me, a wedding was just an excuse to sit in a church for ninety minutes, dance the Funky Chicken on a badly lit dance floor, and eat cake. 

(At least, that's what it seemed like to me for any wedding that I attended prior to 1993 anyway.)

It wasn't really until I got older that I realized what being married really meant.  Two people becoming one couple because they were truly in love with each other at that particular moment in time.

Of course, with one in two marriages ending in divorce these days, I sometimes get a little bit cynical over the concept of love these days.  Sometimes I don't know if people have fallen in love, fallen in love with being in love, or have fallen in lust.

In my years on this earth, I have seen some very functional couples and marriages.  On the flipside, I've seen some incredibly dysfunctional unions that probably should have ended before they began.

Sadly, I think it's the negative marriages that have really coloured my view of love in a negative light. 

Once upon a time, there was a time in which I believed in love at first sight.  Now, I don't know if such a concept even exists.  My thoughts are that you should get to know a person inside and out before you fall in love with them.  Otherwise, it seems more like you want to fall in love with the thought of being in love even though you may be mistaking love for lust.

Did that make sense, or have I completely and totally confused the hell out of all of you?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we've all seen those ads from eHarmony where they can find the right match for you and how you'll instantly fall in love.  Well, I don't believe in instant love connections.  If you're in love with someone, it takes time to nurture the relationship, and get to know the person.

I guess that's a part of the reason why I have remained single for so long.  I don't feel as though I have the commitment (and let's face it, self-confidence) to pursue a relationship.  And, you know, I'm fine with that for now.

I could change my mind later on...but I'm no longer seeing being unable to find a mate as being a bad thing.  One day, I might be ready.  Today isn't that day.