Have
any of you ever played the broken telephone game? It's a game that a lot of summer camps play around a
campfire. One person whispers a message
inside of someone else's ear and then they have to whisper it in the ear of the
person next to you until the last person is left. The funny part is that depending on the tone of the whisper as
well as the way people pronounce words, that message can be completely garbled
by the time it reaches the end, completely changing the message around.
This
week's episode of New Archies Reviewed definitely showcases a
broken telephone moment if ever I say so myself. And it also stars our lovable rogue character Reggie Mantle. Seriously, his name is in the title!
It's
an episode I like to call Episode 8A: Telegraph, Telephone, Tell Reggie.
We
don't start the episode with Reggie though.
Instead we get a nice aerial shot of Riverdale where Betty and Veronica
are jogging through the park complaining about how much of a jerk Reggie is.
I
mean, there were Betty and Veronica drowning in the middle of the street and
Reggie's limo just drives past both of them without even giving them a lift
home! How dare he? I wonder if this took place during "Red To The Rescue"? It was raining in that episode!
Oh,
and on the other side of the park, Jughead and Archie are skateboarding down
the street with Hot Dog and Red leading the way. Surprise, surprise, they're busy complaining about Reggie
too. They think back to the time in
which Reggie got so mad that he couldn't control the football game that he was
playing with the gang that he grabbed his ball and ran home.
Wait. People actually do that? Man, what a jerk Reggie is. I could use stronger language here, but I
made it a point not to for these reviews.
After all, kids may be reading this.
Ah,
but look. Here comes Reggie with his
dalmatian Lance - a dog with just as black a heart as its owner. And it seems that Reggie is carrying a
little present with him. But I wonder
what the occasion is? It's not anyone's
birthday, is it?
Wow...that's
a lot of sausage links! It's a good
thing this show was made in 1987. That
many sausage links are basically equivalent to being a three pack a day smoker
given the latest news that processed meats cause cancer. Better stock up on bacon, boys!
Oh,
but the sausage links are being used in Reggie's evil plan. Knowing that dogs cannot resist the plump
and juicy sausages from a butcher shop, Reggie gets Lance to run past Hot Dog
and Red, which cause both dogs to run towards Lance...
...and
causing Jughead and Archie to sail into the bushes as a result. Ouch.
At
some point, Jughead and Archie meet up with Betty and Veronica, and they gather
around the kitchen table to grab a cheesecake while Betty shares stories of St.
Olaf and Jughead calls Veronica a dirty old prostitute.
Or,
maybe that was an episode of The Golden Girls.
Anyway,
MS. Grundy happens to be jogging through the park at that moment and sees the
four bitter seventh graders on a park bench.
She asks what is going on and all four of them tell her that Reggie is
evil, needs to be stopped, and that he should be burned alive in boiling oil be
punished for his evil deeds.
This
causes MS. Grundy to stare at them, call them all whiny little brats, and tells
them that if they tried being nice to him, then maybe it will infect Reggie
like the yeast infection that she's currently experiencing and cause Reggie to
be nice to them right back.
At
first, all four of them laugh off the idea, thinking that it would be easier to
get Donald Trump to fix his hair. But
the more they think of it, they feel that it's worth a shot, and they make
plans to throw Reggie a surprise party in hopes that decorations, balloons, and
a cake that says "Please Don't Be You, Reggie" will cause him to be
nicer to everyone. Well, at least it's
not completely contrived...yet.
And
it is here where the broken telephone game goes into play. You might want to get a pen and a pad of
paper to keep up.
So,
the party is being held at Archie's house, which I think is really generous,
given that Archie is Reggie's number one enemy! But hey, Archie always did have a heart of gold - well, when he
wasn't toying with Betty and Veronica's emotions, that is - so I can see Archie
stepping up. And, naturally, Jughead is
in charge of providing the cake.
But
Jughead didn't count on Hot Dog being around while he's trying to bake the
cake, and as Jughead tries frosting the cake, he has to try and shoo Hot Dog
away. Hilariously, Jughead actually
drops the phone receiver inside of the cake which gets covered in icing, and
Jughead decides to clean the phone off the only way he knows how.
Remind
me to use this screenshot more often.
Jughead
manages to successfully end the call to Archie, but he is distracted by someone
at the door! It's Reggie! And Jughead has a cake that he is not only
trying to get Hot Dog to not eat, but to make sure that Reggie doesn't see it
before his party starts!
Jughead
manages to hide the cake underneath a dish towel, but it doesn't work as Hot
Dog happens to eat half of it while Jughead is seeing what Reggie wants. Turns out that Reggie has an extra ticket to
a sporting event and wants to know if Jughead would like to come. But Jughead is so paranoid about Hot Dog
scarfing down the cake that he practically throws Reggie out on his butt and
slams the door right in his face. Yeah,
that's subtle.
A
suspicious Reggie leaves Jughead's house while Jughead calls up Eugene while
surveying the damage that Hot Dog did to the cake. Turns out that thanks to Jughead's stupidity, Jughead now has to
make another cake. At the same time,
Eugene is planning on supplying the music for the party on these brand new
things called cassette tapes. They're
so compact and versatile that they have songs on both sides! Weren't the 1980s wonderful?
Of
course, Reggie decides that since Jughead isn't going to be cooperative, he may
as well try someone else. He arrives at
Eugene's house just in time to see Moose arrive at the front door. Eugene gives him the message that the party
is in Archie's backyard and that Eugene was bringing the tapes and that the
girls should bring some balloons for the decorations and plates and forks for
the cake that Jughead is baking.
At
least that's the way the message is supposed to go. Eugene made two costly mistakes.
First, he whispered the message in Moose's ear too softly. And secondly, he told MOOSE of all people.
Sure
enough, as Moose is trying to remember what Eugene told him, Reggie comes out
and shocks poor Moose so much that you can actually freeze frame the moment his
brain shorts out.
And
after sputtering out some nonsense about cake and grapes (broken telephone
starts already), he runs away screaming and Reggie is left more confused.
Reggie
follows Moose to Lodge Mansion where Eugene has apparently directed Moose to
share the message to Veronica so that Veronica can share the news with Betty,
Amani, and Ethel. But Moose's message
to Veronica is even more garbled than what he told Reggie. Now apparently Eugene and Jughead are
bringing a baboon to Archie's party and that she should bring the baboon some
bananas and grapes for it to eat.
Yeah,
your facial expression is about the same as Veronica's, I'm sure.
Meanwhile,
Reggie is absolutely gobsmacked that Archie invited a baboon to his party but
not Reggie and plans to make Archie and his friends pay for snubbing him. Okay, has Reggie suffered brain damage from
that episode where he sabotaged that royal event or what? Seriously, why would he assume that Moose
relayed the message correctly?
Meanwhile,
Betty and Amani are laughing their butts off over the message that Veronica
left for them on Betty's answering machine about how she bought enough bananas
to feed the baboon that Eugene is bringing with him, and that they should focus
on buying food for them to eat. Obviously
Amani and Betty think that Veronica's been drinking again and that she needs to
rest. But give it to Betty for trying
to make sense of the message and turning it into a brilliant idea. Betty seems to think that Veronica meant
that they should bring balloons for the party, and Amani thinks that Veronica
bought bananas so that they could use them for banana splits. The two decide to head down to Pop's so they
can buy ice cream and sprinkles from him...because Riverdale apparently doesn't
have any supermarkets.
But
while everyone is making their plans come together - without the baboon - the
mischievous monkey known as Reggie Mantle sneaks into Archie's backyard and
makes plans to sabotage the party before it happens not realizing that the
party is IN HIS HONOUR!!! Oh, this
should be good.
And
while Reggie is placing booby traps all over Archie's backyard, the rest of the
guests begin arriving. Ethel's painted
a rather awesome looking poster that looks exactly like Reggie - right down to
the fact that his head is three times the size of his body. Veronica comes around with enough bananas to
feed every single person in Africa, and when Jughead and Eugene react with
surprise, Veronica becomes angry and curses Moose out - well, as much as she
can, given that it's a children's cartoon.
Luckily
Betty and Amani arrive with the ice cream and toppings, and Veronica takes
credit for the banana split idea. But,
at least she credits Moose for it as well.
Meanwhile,
Reggie is busy loading up a net with water balloons. Okay, what is Reggie's obsession with water balloons? This is the second episode in a row where
he's used them to attack his friends.
Is this a fetish?
Reggie,
of course, immediately notices that Jughead has opened up the door to the
basement...which apparently looks like a storm cellar that people would hide in
if a tornado struck. Now wouldn't THAT
make a great episode? And with the door
open, Reggie can hear everything that the people can say inside the house -
which proves that Reggie must have the hearing of a bloodhound! Most of it is just childish blathering, but
he does hear one thing that causes his heart to grow three sizes larger.
"Save
some of that for Reggie. It's HIS
party!"
And
this is the "oh my god, I really AM evil if I'm doing this to the people
who are throwing me a party!" face.
And
as Archie goes outside to look for Reggie, the outdoor lights kick on and an
alarm sounds which sends everyone to the window just in time for Archie to
become the unwilling victim of Reggie's cruel and immature pranks...
...or,
maybe Reggie's had a change of heart and he decided that Archie can't be
victimized by his stupid pranks, and he decides to rush out to save him.
But
then Reggie trips over his own trip wire which has him drenched by falling
water balloons.
Then
he nearly drowns when he sets off the sprinkler system.
And
he nearly loses his lunch when he sails head first into the spinning
clothesline.
And
before you know it, Reggie's showing off his new Halloween costume as that
fruity mummy from the range of Count Chocula/Boo Berry cereals. I think his name was Yummy Mummy, but I
can't seem to remember.
Of
course, Reggie's friends are cheering for Reggie, thinking that his stunts were
some of the best that they have ever seen, and Archie pulls up a sopping wet,
humble pie swallowing, embarrassed and dejected Reggie from the ground where
Reggie admits that he was a huge jerk.
Archie
nods his head, and smiles, basically agreeing with him. But hey, there's a banana split waiting for
the big baboon so Reggie should go ahead and eat it. Gee, I sure hope Archie has dry clothes for Reggie to wear.
You
know this episode was brilliant in showing just how the broken telephone game
works. Poor Moose never did get the
grasp of it. At the same time, this
episode was sort of boring to watch.
It's not the worst episode that was ever made, but any other character
could have been substituted for Reggie in this episode. Hell, I think had Veronica been the subject
matter, it would have been a hundred times funnier. But that's just me, I guess.
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