One
of the goals that I have for 2017 is to try and really get to know myself, and
I think that in order to do that, I need to confront some hard truths about
myself, as well as be more vocal about what I like and what I don't like. Keeping things bottle up inside is not
healthy for anybody, and considering that this blog is called "A POP
CULTURE ADDICT'S GUIDE TO LIFE", I think it's time that I start bringing
back life lessons.
So
for today, I plan to use this space to talk about something that I have absolutely
no use for, and as I make my way through this year, I plan on doing everything
possible to steer myself clear of this.
Have
any of you ever heard of the term "fair-weather friend"? I'm sure most of you have, but in case you
haven't, a fair-weather friend is somebody who only wants your friendship when
things are happy and carefree, but the minute things become difficult and you
need them the most, they flee.
Basically,
when sunny days sweep the clouds away, it's a happy Sesame Street friendship. But when rain arrives and floods Elmo's
World, you're feeling anything but tickled.
Believe
me. I know all too well about the
concept of fair-weather friends. I've
had several in my lifetime, and every single time it all ends up the same way. Where I am there for them whenever they need
help, but they are unable to reciprocate whenever the situation is reversed.
And
I do NOT like that at all.
As
somebody who has always had difficulty making and keeping friends for various
reasons, I probably am one who takes friendships much more seriously than other
people. Heck, for the first few years I
was on Facebook, I refused to unfriend or block people because I believed it
was cruel.
But
sometimes when friendships become one-sided or toxic, you have to let them go
to preserve your own sanity because if I've learned anything about life, it's
this. Fair-weather friends suck the
energy right out of you, and you owe it to yourself to make the decision to
find people who will be there for you through thick and thin.
Truth
be told, I haven't had a lot of people in this world who have told me that they
will have my back no matter what happens.
And when I find someone who will be there for me through thick and thin,
sometimes I try a little bit too hard to keep them in my world that I feel that
I come across too strong, or I don't come across strong enough. And the reason for that is because I have
been burned by fair-weather friendships a lot.
When
I was a kid, it seemed as though to win friends and influence people was to
give them whatever they wanted. Of
course, we all know that this way to go never works for anybody, but at the age
of seven, allowing the other kids to eat your Oreo cookies during recess so
they could be bothered to play four square with you for eight minutes seemed
like a reasonable trade.
My
only problem was that I only had a limited Oreo supply. If only my dad worked for Nabisco cookies,
I could have had it made.
Of
course, true friendship cannot be bought with Oreo cookies. I'm just kind of ashamed that it took me
until the fifth grade for me to learn that lesson!
Friendship
can't also be gained by allowing people to copy off of your homework
either. If I had a nickel for every
single time I helped a classmate learn how to spell a word, I could have
retired at seventeen. Yes, spelling
came naturally to me and I probably had a wide vocabulary at that time - but
that was only because one of my favourite books to read was the Charlie Brown
Dictionary (a book I wish I still owned).
The point is that I didn't mind helping my classmates out because I
believed that if I helped them with their homework, they would see me as cool
and allow me to play with them.
Instead,
I more often than not sat in a corner watching everyone else have fun - and I
was hungry too as I gave them all of my cookies too!
Things
improved a bit when I reached adulthood, but I find that the older I get, the
less tolerance I have for fair-weather friendships.
One
of the most recent examples of this happened about a couple of years ago. I had been friends with this guy for about
five years, and I thought that we had a decent friendship for a bit, but there
were some signs that I ignored along the way.
I found that he could be quite snarky at times with other people, and
that if he saw something that he didn't care for, he could be quite
abrasive. But I also knew that he
hadn't had the most pleasant of experiences, so I chalked it up to the fact
that he was still dealing with it, and I tried to be as patient and supportive
as I could be.
But
then I posted a blog entry quite similar to this one where I opened up about
something very important, and it got some mixed reactions. Some were actually quite sympathetic about
it, and others felt the need to make fun of me. And then this person who I had called a friend for five years
happens to pop up and comment on the blog that I had just posted and the
comment read "I feel like I'm a psychiatrist and you're my 10:30
appointment".
And,
I'm thinking to myself - you @#$@$. Of
course, I try not to include heavily salted swears in this blog so I had to
blot it out, but still...what nerve!
And of course the very people who I had also thought were friends and
who made fun of me agreed with him. It
was all a big joke to them, but yet here was I pouring my heart out and they
just decided to take advantage of me.
So I did the only logical thing I could. I cut all of them out of my life. It's been two years since that day, and I feel all the better for it. It's nice to be able to have more time to spend with those who actually want to be my friend instead of those who took advantage of me.
So I did the only logical thing I could. I cut all of them out of my life. It's been two years since that day, and I feel all the better for it. It's nice to be able to have more time to spend with those who actually want to be my friend instead of those who took advantage of me.
But
then I got to thinking about why I had allowed such toxic people in my life in
the first place, and the only thing that I can think of is that I invited them
into my life at a time in which I was most vulnerable. I think that I had seen that they had a
common interest with me and that I thought I could build a friendship with them
based on that. Sometimes this works,
and if both parties have no ulterior motive, it can blossom into a true blue
friendship. But I think that in order
to have a true friendship, then both parties have to support each other through
the good and the bad. And if one person
in the equation can't do that, then there's no hope for a friendship.
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