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Friday, March 07, 2014

The Joys of Daytime Television When You're Sick

Heddo, eberybody!  I'm sobby for typing like dis, but my dose is all stuffed up because of dis stupid head code.  I tell you, I hade being sick.  Nodding good ever comes from being sick.  I feel like I have a duck stubbed up my dose, and my head is so heaby, and I'm habing a hard dime breathing oud of my dose, and I cadnt keeb my eyes oben.

(Wait a minute.  It's my voice that only sounds like that.  Why the hell am I typing the way I talk?  Damn cough meds.)


Okay, so as you might have guessed just by the attempt at an opening paragraph that I am still trying to get over a cold.  Believe it or not, I'm not the kind of person who whines about being sick. 


Okay, okay, so we all have had our moments when it comes to getting over illnesses.  And, in my case, I can be a little bit of a "Moaning Myrtle" so to speak (pardon the Harry Potter reference there).  I think part of the reason why I don't have the best personality when I am feeling sick is because I'm the kind of person who very rarely gets sick.  I managed to avoid getting colds and flu bugs for the most part, and for what it was worth, I didn't really take that many sick days when I was in school.

(Mainly because I actually skipped several classes in my school years because of bullying issues.  I don't recommend that for anyone case was unique.)

But whenever I was feeling poorly, I was definitely not a person who took it well.  I've gotten better at handling colds and flu bugs as the years pass by, but it's still not a great experience to go through.  When I was younger, I was whiny, I was sore, I was cranky, and I was bored.  Seriously, there's only so much television that you can watch when you're lying on the living room couch with a box of Kleenex and a bowl of chicken noodle soup within reach.

Oh, and I still remember that when I first watched the miniseries based on Stephen King's "The Stand", I actually was getting over the flu.  And considering that the book is about a superflu bug that kills 99.4% of the world's population, it wasn't exactly one of the best things to watch. 

But, you want to know what was fun?  At least, what was fun to watch when I was a kid?  Daytime television.

You know something?  Daytime television in the early 1990s was a lot of fun to watch, because back in those days, it seemed as though there were a lot more choices available to watch even though at that time, we only had a grand total of about 42 channels on television.

(And, prior to the 1990s, we only had twelve channels - my parents didn't get cable television until 1988.)

And, well...since I'm feeling under the weather today, I thought that I'd go back in time to when I was in grade school and I used to be able to watch daytime television when I was supposed to be in school.  After all, back in those days, daytime television was a real treat. 

Like, for instance, why was it that some cable stations decided to air game shows meant for a younger audience DURING SCHOOL HOURS?  I mean, hello?  Would it not have made more sense to air these types of shows after school?  I still have lots of fond memories watching game shows like "Fun House", "Double Dare", and "Just Like Mom" on television during the hours in which I was supposed to be in school.  Watching kids performing gross stunts for the chance to enter the fun house?  Awesome.  Watching kids crawl through messy obstacle courses to win toys, games, and cash?  Awesome.  Watching kids try to poison their parents by making them dine on ketchup and sauerkraut cookies that they baked themselves?  Well, actually, I admit that I probably liked that a little TOO much!

Of course, that's not to say that I didn't like watching the game shows for adults as well.  For some reason whenever I was sick, there was one channel that used to air an hour of game shows during their afternoon block.  It featured a game show adaptation of "Scrabble", hosted by Chuck Woolery, and the game "Classic Concentration", hosted by Alex Trebek.  For some reason, I always remember liking it when the contestants always tried to go for the car as the grand prize.  

By the way, in case you haven't heard of Classic Concentration before, click HERE.  It was an episode that aired in July 1987.  Just promise me that you'll never use a "TAKE" card against me - in either green or red.

I also remember watching "Wheel of Fortune" - which at that time aired a daytime version in addition to the primetime version we all know and love.  The only difference was that Bob Goen was the host, as Pat Sajak was trying to host a talk show at that time (which only lasted one season).  And, of course, there was classic "Price Is Right", which had Bob Barker as host, and Janice, Dian, and Holly as Barker's Beauties.  

Mind you, this was BEFORE all the sexual harassment lawsuits and models getting fired because they allegedly gained weight.

Daytime television was also the perfect time to watch shows that were considered quite scandalous for kids who were elementary school aged.  But I still managed to sneak a peek at all of those trashy daytime talk shows that everybody seemed to be watching at the time.  I was really too young to remember watching "Geraldo" and "The Morton Downey Jr. Show", but when I was in sixth/seventh/eighth grades, I used to watch random talk shows such as "Montel Williams", "Jenny Jones", "Maury Povich" (before his show transformed into the 'who's your daddy' show), "Ricki Lake", and yes, I remember even being addicted to "The Jerry Springer Show" back when I was a teenager.

Now, of course, I don't watch any of those shows (except for maybe "Ellen"), but back in those days, it was kind of cool to watch the programs that were targeted towards an adult audience.  I don't think I could ever recall an instance in which people actually picked up chairs and threw them at people on stage.  It was disturbing to see, but somehow it was strangely comforting as I knew that my family members and friends would NEVER behave in such a manner.  And, granted, as bad as those talk shows were back then, compared to how talk shows are now, they almost seem like an episode of "Polka Dot Door" in comparison.

Oh, yeah...when I was really young, I used to watch "TVOntario" a lot too, where they aired shows like "Polka Dot Door", "Readalong", "Harriett's Magic Hats", "Report Canada", "Cucumber", "The Science Alliance", and yes, even that stupid television show which featured a pineapple that only spoke in French.  What the heck was that show called again?

Oh, yes...Telefrancais.  How could I forget that?

Of course, there were times in which I had to give up the television when I was sick.  You see, my mother was a huge fan of the television soap opera "As The World Turns", and my sister watched "Guiding Light" for years.  So, between the hours of 2pm and 4pm, I had no choice but to watch all of the adventures that Lily and Holden, and Reva and Josh, and all the other people who happened to cause all sorts of backstabbing, adultery, and other storylines that put characters in grave danger, and which taught all of us that just because you die doesn't mean that you stay dead.

But, hey...I suppose it was part and parcel of being sick.  Mom always used to take time out of her busy day to look after me and my siblings whenever we were feeling very sick - even when she wasn't feeling well herself.  Her being able to catch up on her stories was a definite reward for her.

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