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Thursday, March 05, 2015

Take Back Your, Take Back Your, Take Back Your Empty-V

March 5, 2015



When did so called "music television" begin to suck?

You know what I mean. MTV plays too much TV and not enough M. MuchMoremusic (or M3 as it likes to be called now) shows much more of everything except music. And, don't even get me started on VH-1...

You know, growing up in Canada, one of my favourite television stations to watch on cable was MuchMusic (think Canada's version of MTV). Back in the 1990's, it was the greatest. They played music videos practically 24/7, and had special themed weekends. You know...80's weekends...#1 hit weekends...Brit-Pop weekends. It was great. Especially on Saturday nights in my boring old town when I didn't have plans...I just soaked in the music video goodness.

Because really...in a small town, what else is there to do on a weekend?



I think it was when Pop-Up-Video began to air that MuchMusic began to start its descent into the dark abyss of redundancy. I mean, don't get me wrong. Pop-Up-Video was an awesome, AWESOME show that I loved watching. But, it was also a VH-1 creation. And, little did I realize that VH-1 would be the two letters and one number of doom, punctuated by the hyphen nail in the television coffin.

Soon after, I went away to school, and stopped subscribing to cable for a few years. From 2001 to 2006, I was without my MuchMusic. Oh, I survived, but needless to say, when I finally was on my feet enough to reinstall cable in 2006, I was excited to see my music videos.

But, when I switched back to Muchmusic after a 5-year-hiatus...something was different.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something was missing.

Where was the music videos? Where was my special themed weekends? Where did the VJ's go?

It was as if the MuchMusic I knew and loved was gone forever...replaced by a pod version...a cheap carbon copy of the station I spent many moons watching.

It was as if it had turned into MTV.  The lame version that showed reality television garbage, not the cool version with Martha Quinn and J.J. Jackson.

Somewhere along the way, my all music television had turned into an all reality television...and take it from me, I was not impressed.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I like reality tv as much as the average Survivor addict...but only if it's tastefully done, and only if you can take something from the show. The Amazing Race for instance teaches you all about geography and history. The Biggest Loser teaches you how to get to a healthy weight and live an active lifestyle. Heck, even the Apprentice can teach you some business tips...well, when you're not distracted by the beauty of Ivanka Trump and the ugliness of that furball Donald Trump calls hair.




Instead, what we have learned from the tripe Muchmusic expects us to swallow whole is that women suddenly find 50-year-old "has-been" rappers the hottest thing since sliced bread, Janice Dickinson and Omarosa hate each other, and celebrities who do drugs are destined to be on the D-list for all eternity.

Not exactly lessons for a well-balanced life.

Let me get one thing clear, MuchMusic. I DON'T love New York, I DON'T want to be Paris Hilton's BFF, and I really couldn't care less when the Jersey Shore "celebs" do their gym, tanning, or laundry. (Frankly, I would be the first to celebrate never having to see those twits on my television screen again)

And, what is up with MuchMusic's Movie of the Week that has NOTHING TO DO WITH MUSIC. I mean, sure, you can say that Josie and the Pussycats is a musical movie. But, the FIFTH ELEMENT? I mean, yeah, Bruce Willis did a great job in that movie, but the only music credit he has was some one-hit-wonder he had back in 1987 while riding the Moonlighting train to stardom! That would be like MuchMoreMusic airing Party of Five because Jennifer Love Hewitt is to Japanese pop as Madonna is to American music.




Oh, my bad. They ALREADY did air Party of Five.  Truth is, if I didn't know any better, I would have guessed that MuchMusic was bought out by Linda Schuyler and renamed "The Degrassi Channel - All Drama, All The Time!"

The point is...I don't even like watching MuchMusic anymore, and I haven't for quite some time. 

I don't know whether it's me getting older and not understanding current teeny-bopper trends, or whether some exec decided to feature the stupidest, most untalented clods in an attempt to make our already crumbling ideals and morals even more corrupt and pointless. Whatever the case, MuchMusic should be ashamed. No wonder Rick Campanelli flead to host Entertainment Tonight Canada!

MuchMusic...you may have brought videos to trial every week for years...but as a station failing to entertain people anymore...GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!

Hell, I'd even watch a rerun of "Test Pattern" than suffer through another episode of "Geordie Shore".

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